Freedom, Stillness and Goodness

A friend of mine and I were discussing this quote last week, and we came to a great conclusion that this is just as true pertaining to people as it is flowers.  Especially when it comes to dating and relationships. It has often been said that the things you may first find enduring in a relationship, is what you may later find annoying. That may be true, but one thing remains: You cannot change someone else. If you fall in love with them, then try to change them, they are no longer that person with whom you fell in love. But many have a tendency to do this. There is even a play called “I love you, Your Perfect, Now Change” that illustrates this perfectly.

If you fall in love (or even in like) with someone who is a free spirit, or is fiercely independent, self sufficient and very defiant of anyone who tries to control them, then don’t try to tame that spirit. For it is beautiful. Someone who cannot be controlled, who goes with their faster than another’s wishes, or who plays by their own rules…if that is what fascinated you about them, then let them shine. To try to change them would kill the very thing that makes them beautiful to you.

I have often said that I cannot live in captivity, I will not be tamed. I am free. It is just a matter of finding the one with whom I can run.

“Maybe some women weren’t meant to be tames. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.”

Time for the Weekend

We all need time to play, and this weekend was that time for me.  The past few months have been emotional due to learning of my father’s health. As a family, as an individual and as a daughter, I am slowly processing and dealing with the news, what it means for the family, our life, my Dad and our family.

And no matter how great the day, it is always there somewhere in the background. I have been trying to work out more, for health reasons and to reduce stress. Running is great and I can just listen to the music and let my legs carry me away and work the stress out as I sweat, strain and push my body past what it thinks it can do. Then I can put the wrist wraps and gloves on to box after a good run. I can punch away as the questions about the future run through my mind. By the time I am done, the stress has been worked out of my body and it is exhausted.

But this weekend it was time to put all the worries and stressors away, even for just a few days, and just enjoy. It was cloud nine with great food, laughter, funny moment, tender times, music, thoughts, stories and the sweet embrace of safety. And for just a few days, the world went away, faded in the far away places below as I sat floating on the clouds. I breathed in fresh air, sweet with his fragrance, looked out at the sunny landscape in front of me, and enjoyed being spoiled.

Yes, we all need a time of play. It is all in the balance of life, a time to work, a time to play. To everything there is a time.

 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
3:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3:3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
3:5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
3:6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
3:7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Guest Post – I am What I Am

A great writer, a great man, and a great friend – Rex. Another great guest post. Enjoy!!

I am What I Am

   I am the last person in America you can insult with impunity: I am white, Anglo-Saxon, protestant, male, straight, Southern, Democrat, second marriage with step kids, religious but not zealous, unrich, right-handed, smoker-drinker, hazel-eyed, graying hair, 30 pounds over “ideal” weight, meat-eating, non gun-toting, destroyer of the utopian future world we were all promised.

     Don’t believe me? Watch any on-screen news or entertainment: I’m rude, crude, backward, burping, ignorant, and arrogant about it.

     Don’t believe me? Rerun any of the Super Tuesday election news coverage and commentary pre, during, and post; commentaries included.

     Conclusion: we can’t do anything right.

     Well, new society dawning: make up your mind.

     Not long ago I entered a downtown Chattanooga building and held the door’s momentum at bay for a lady behind me. Very curtly she said, “I can open my own door, thank you.” And I was dismissed.

     Four doors down later on Market Street I did the same for a guy with a bunch of delivery boxes. “Thanks, man!”

     Given his youth, uniform and physique I’m he was quite capable of backing through the door, or for that matter removing it, by himself.

     Didn’t matter I did both for the same reason: I had the power to let the door’s momentum smack ‘em both. How self-absorbed would I have been if I had done so? Not cool.

     A few years later I was in a pizza place watching a Braves game on a Saturday afternoon; just one other guy, the bartender, a 35-ish lady at the other end of the bar, and me.

     Her, “Anyone know what time it is?

     Me,  “It’s 4:15.”

     Her, “Thank you, and no, it doesn’t mean you can buy me a drink.”

     Okay, I was in a foul mood; my girlfriend’s mother was visiting I was avoiding.

     Me,  “Ma’m, I can get three like you for a week’s paycheck on Governor’s Drive.”

     She huffed out but the bartender bought my next beer.

     Has it come to the point where we think everyone is out exclusively for their own gratification? That courtesy is just an iceberg tip on a hidden agenda? That no one has a right to be angry with you but you have a right to judge never having set one step in another’s shoes? That you don’t need to know their story because yours is all-encompassing?

     Retool. Gentlemen, we need to grow more backbone and less false bravado and oh-poor-me lifestyles. Oh, and learn when to bow out gracefully and know when to run.

     Belligerence is not strength and acceptance is not weakness.

     Female persons: make up your mind, willya?! You see fluid dynamics guys deal in absolutes. You want us sensitive then swoon over the lumberjack. You want us manly but we risk you seeing us as coarse.

     For my 1,632 square inches of the world here’s the deal: I drive a car which is two years from getting a “classic” tag (the AARP card of autos), I let God wash it if He wants to (rain). It gets me point A to point B. This is my home/apartment; I live here. I do not press my underwear, hell, I don’t wash them until I run out. Alicia can wash ‘em if she wants to if not, fine, too. I usually don’t do dishes until I am nearly out or cranking up to cook something elaborate. Now I have a dishwasher; a better place to store the dirties.

     I do not get ballet but recognize its place in art and culture and love the symphony. I love my music souvenirs, from the rock that held the door open for decades at Muscle Shoals Sound, to Mickey Buckins’ drumsticks, to the rubber band the Spinners gave me, to my autographed playbills and drumheads, to my “Casablanca” poster. Alicia gave me one whole room just for that stuff.

     I don’t stay coiffed or in late fashion or design: jeans (from JCP or Walmart), T-shirt (right now mine says, “Huntsville est. 1805”), and open Hawaiian shirts. I keep facial hair because Alicia likes it and so do I (even though it’s harder to shave now than with no beard). I am untattooed and unpierced but my scars speak for me.”The look”, fashion, and pop psychology, like ear candles, come and go. Real is forever and easily maintained. Just because your feathers are ruffled don’t make you Christ-on-the-Cross.

     Enough. I am what I am. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

     So come down off your cross, leave it in the “might access later” file, resurrect, and go have a little fun.

     In the meantime stop building crosses; you’re runnin’ out of people to help carry them.

 

Communication is Key: Part II

Communication is the key to any relationship.We know this. And yet, still sometimes we can still mess it up. Take me for example. The last Communication piece was all about the guy, now it is time for it to be all about me. As in, what I did wrong. Sometimes we need to look in hte mirror if we are going to be honest. Get comfy, pull up a chair, and get ready to read. Could, shoulda, woulda, never did anything for anyone, but here is the list anyway. (And I know the crazy ex is going top have a field day making comments, making fun of me and dancing a jig when he reads this.)

Yes, maybe he should have let me know, after being MIA that he was still very interested, just busy. But I should have handled my part of it better too. Mistake #1, I should not have sent that email that pretty much read I am feeling neglected, pay some attention to me or we should end it. Oh yes, My insecurities and I did just that. Wow. I didn’t realize at the time how much that sounded like an ultimatum. What I should have done? Either left it alone and let him come around, or maybe send him an email asking if he had been a bit busy and offered to cook him dinner when he was available for the evening. Dinner, a massage and let someone spoil him a bit…that would have gone over much better. What was I thinking?

Then when I did not receive an answer fast enough, it was yes, we are done because new man and I are dating. I also tell him how disappointed I was in him for doing the slow fade out. Being the nice guy that he is, that is when he admits that he is/was very interested and was truly just buys with life/work/family things. What?? You mean he is still interested?? How do I fix this?? Emails are traded back and forth and  immediately say Ooops! misjudged the situation…over and over….What should I have done? Well, if I had done what I should have to begin with I would not have been in that mess. But try to fix it was all I could do.

I think we are about to get back together and we deal with the other “date.” I drop the date, but the fact that I was even talking with someone else (and that is as far as it went, just conversations, nothing else) was what did it. I sent explanations that I only let myself be pursued because I thought he was not interested. But the deal was sealed (I think, anyway, not sure). Too little too late.

So that is it. How, can someone so gifted with words and writing be so horrible at communication and relationships? I have no idea. Well, actually yes I do, but that is not for the public. Do I deserve for him to walk away? No, absolutely not. Is what I want to say. But if I judge myself as harshly as I have judged others in the past…I would have to say you snooze, you loose.

And I lost.

What have I learned? That even when all the proof is looking bad, if you really like someone, you give them the benefit of the doubt and be patient.  You do not jump to conclusions because of your insecurities. And you do not cause stupid, unnecessary high school drama in an other wise great dating relationship because of those insecurities. You wait. Yes, you wait or you find a very kind way (like inviting for dinner and a massage) to see if he is interested. And you do not ever use the the fact that someone else may be interested as a weapon.

Learn from my mistakes, and they are big ones. Learn so that yo do not lose a great guy too. There are somethings I’m sorry can’t fix. And in life, there are no do-overs.  If I had done what I should have done, I would probably be cooking dinner and giving a massage about right now.

So ladies, a word of advice, calm down. Communicate with love and affection. Do not go to your guy with accusations and harsh words. You will harsh word him right out of your life.

I Miss You

To miss someone is defined as to discover or feel the absence of. But I think it is much more than that, You can notice someone is not there, but not miss them. When someone says “I miss you.” A certain feeling in conveyed. A feeling of not just noticing someone’s absence, but wishing for their return. Even that does not peg exactly what missing feels like.

To me, missing someone means much more. It means that you think about them, and think of them fondly.  That they pop into your head at different times during the day, like when you hear a song or something happens you would like to tell them, but can’t. It means that you want to know about what is happening with them, and you would like to reestablish a connection. It means you like them and wish them to be close. You wish they were here. You want to hear their voice, see their smile, be in their physical presence.

And what is the cure for this missing? Well, aside from the obvious –  spending time together, talking and bonding, there really isn’t anything to be done. You just, miss them. And maybe, if you are lucky, in time, they return or you don’t miss them as much. Until then, you keep busy, dive into work, distract your mind. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you just have to miss them anyway.

And to me, that is what it means to say I miss you.

Affection and Love

Your work is to discover your world, then with all your heart, give yourself to it – Buddha

An amazing thing has happened this week.  Well, several things and I like the trend.  This week has been the start of Lent and the start of some pretty comtemplative times. And one of the things that I have decided, is to give myself a bit of a break. By that I mean, that I have been a bit hard on myself, taking on more responsibility for things than I should. And that is not good. I have fears and insecurities, but the best way to bust through those is to face them head on. And so I shall.

And I shall also go after what I want more. By this I mean that I am not going to be afraid to ask for what I want. Ask for what would make me happy.

This week has been one for the history books.  Since I made the commitment to myself to be more generous with myself, many doors have opened and many good things have come inside. This week has welcomed a massage, some great prayer, a renewed faith in myself and my abilities, getting more praise at work and re committing to a dream.

The space between being unsettled and being content and happy is a small road when you put your happiness and your health first. It feels like there is something growing in my belly, something wanting to get out and live, take in all this world has to offer and truly be the best. It is the fire of confidence, of replenishment, of promise.

The world is calling and I want to answer…as it whispers to me in the night.  I want to explore and be curious, while still being grounded by love, faith and family. And affection, pure romantic, make me melt affection. Hard work is ahead, but so is some hard enjoyment. Thank you to all who have helped encourage me, listened to me and read my blogs.  Life is just getting interesting.  Better hold on tight because this is going to be quite an adventure.

You youself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection – Buddha

Old Books and Poems

I don’t think I could throw away a book. Ever. Indeed my house is full of full bookcases. And I could never read a book on a Nook. Or Kindell. There is just something so wonderful and tangible about turning the pages, feeling the paper, smelling the page, hearing it turn, seeing the actual print on the paper, feeling that paper underneath my finger. It has been a very long and wonderful love affair we have had, books and I. And it has lasted the test of time, through my ages and phases, jobs, careers, friends, moves, locations, relationships, scrapes and bruises. Yes, no matter what, books will always be there in my life. They have been a constant. Books, and my parents, and a really great English teacher, are the reason I am a writer. Books are magic.

And I love books.  There is nothing like opening up a book, sitting on the couch or favorite comfy chair, a big blanket or partner, and reading. Recently I took a stroll through one of my bookcases. The one that holds many of my books of poetry.  And one in particular caught my eye on this day. It is called Footprints in the Mind, and I bought it over 20 years ago. When I read this one poem, I nearly cried. While I did not understand, at the time, what it meant really, I understood the emotion behind it. And it reads:

 

Should I hesitate in my steps

And walk when you bid me to run

Please understand

I’ve stumbled before

 

When you plunge into the water

And urge me to jump right in

Please understand

I’ve strangled before

 

And in the heat of passion

You bid me come to you

Please understand

I’ve been….

Please just understand – Javan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Asking and Start Listening

An interesting thing happened to me over the last few years.  I stopped listening to myself and started listening to everyone else.  I started asking other peoples opinions on what I should do about this or that, trusted that they were more experienced and knowledgeable than I. The funny thing about asking for advice is that people will give it to you. I sought advice from business savvy people, people who were good with people, people who did PR or were professional organizer. And when their advice went against what my own thoughts, I assumed I was wrong.

But no one has more experience in my life than I do. So why, I wonder, did I search for answers on the best way to live my life from others? I was always raised to trust my gut instincts, no matter what anyone else says. So again, why I sought outside advice is now quite a mystery.

What I now know is that I was getting a lot of bad advice, because I did not trust myself enough to know that I knew best. Now I have made sure to separate myself from those bad advice givers, and I have gotten closer to me. I am listening more to myself, and my gut, and what I think. It is truly amazing how much my life and outlook has improved once I stopped listening to everyone else, and started listening to me.

You cannot be normal and lead an extraordinary life. So why would I listen to normal people?  My life has opened up so much more since I started listening to me. And I am happier now, more confident, more in control now, than I have been in a long time. What I have learned is that I do know best, especially when it comes to my life.  And who cares what others think? I live my life, not them. I live in my skin, not hem. I sleep at night…not them.

There is nothing wrong with getting advice, or getting an opinion of you are having trouble with making a decision. But trust yourself, and your gut, and your intuition. You are the only one qualified to make those decisions, so don’t hand the job to someone who can’t do it as good as you. Trust yourself. See that big smile on my face? Now you why. There is a country song about a happy girl, and  what the lyrics say is true: “And the sweetest thing that you’ll ever see, in the whole wide world, is a happy girl.”

And it feels wonderful too. Life is an adventure, your adventure, so stop asking, start listening and start living it.

Free Masons

This past weekend I watched a show with my nephew about the Free Mason’s and their history. Fascinating group. Many of our founding fathers were members. And the idea of a secret society whose beliefs and strengths are based in geometry and architecture is fascinating to me. The fact that the design of Washing DC was based on the symbols of the group is also ingenious and has stood the test of time. One of the interesting things the show explained was the meaning of the symbol of the Free Masons. The symbol is a compass and a square and though there is much speculation as to exactly the meaning of these symbols on their logo, one of the most respected experts had an opinion.

This experts spoke about the significance of the compass. He said that the symbolism is that you draw a circle around yourself, and that circle represents a boundary in your morals – in other words, you define what you think it right and wrong, and you do not cross those lines in your personal philosophy.

And it is true in life, that there are lines that you do not cross. There are things you do not say, because there are words that cannot be unspoken, meanings that cannot be unmeant, hurt that cannot be un-mended. We must all have such boundaries, not only for our personal morals, but also lines that we never lets be crossed by others.

These boundaries, I believe, show respect for yourself and others. It means that no matter what, there is a level to which you will not sink, or a level you will not let another take you. And in life this is important if we are to rise above the noise and clutter of life to be happy, optimistic, strong people. Indeed, I believe the strength of a person can be measured by the strength of their compass.

Why There Must Be Evil

There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it. – Buddha

Sometimes we wonder why there is evil in the world, why there are bad people who do bad things to us or others. It is a universal question in life and humanity. I wondered it myself after I was attacked and still do to some extent. I wonder sometimes why evil exists at all. Why I had to see it – his violence, his rage, his lies, the deceit, the pure evil I saw in his eyes.

What takes the humanity away enough in a person for them to become evil and attack and harm another? What is the real definition of evil? It is different for each of us, or does it just depend on the damage it does? Is evil violence against another, a lie, or even a truth? Is it what we see in a horror movie or read in a book? Or it is only evil when it crosses that line and becomes real? And what would we not do to protect those we love, our family, our country, our freedom, from that kind of evil?

We have all seen evil in it’s various entities. I myself have in the eyes of another man and it choilled me to the bone. But knowing it exists, or even seeing it firsthand, and being a victim of it are two separate things entirely

The fact is…is that it is just life, and good and evil are a part of it. There must be villains in order for there to be hero’s.  There must be dark for there to be light. It is the struggle between the villain and the hero, the good and evil that exist in us all. It is what draws us in and what makes a good movie, TV show, or book. Think of how dismal the story of Star Wars would have been without this eternal struggle. There is a natural balance to life of which good and evil are a part.  It is also part of the fact that we all must go through hard times to grow, at least I think. And that makes perfect sense.

But more beyond these words, deeper than what is on this screen or those pages, is the message that goes down deep, to those places that exist in the dark. It is what gives us hope, that evil can be overcome, that darkness is taken by the light, that good will always win, eventually. How many literary works are based on this, from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, to The Shawshank Redemption, to even the Bible? Maybe it is the eternal optimist in me that makes me believe, after everything, this is still true. Because good and evil is at the core of all of us, and so is hope. Hope to overcome not only evil, but also adversity.

The same hope that tells me I can overcome any adversity is the some hope that tells me most people are, at the core of humanity, good. The same faith that tells me I can be stronger is the same faith that tells me those I love will do the best they can every day, even if I have seen otherwise. It is the same knowing that I am not a victim, just because evil exists. It all originates from the same deep place. And it is that place, deep within, that sit still and listen, so that I may touch the divine within myself. Because we know evil is out there, we must also know, within ourselves, that the good within us is stronger, that love is stronger, and that we are stronger.

This knowing seems to dispel the fear of evil. If we know that we are stronger, because good will overcome it, then how can we fear it? It is simply just a fact of life, no more, no less. And certainly nothing to be feared. Maybe even more of an inconvenience than anything. Yes, evil can be a bit scary, but so can a spider…until you realize how much larger are you than it.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12:21

New Post

There it is, stairing at me…the words New Post. The fact is that sometimes I have nothing interesting to write. Some days it is simply:

• Get up
• Try not to trip over the cats as I walk down the stairs while half asleep.
• Try to figure out how to work a small kitchen appliance like a coffee maker, without having had first cup of coffee
• Go back upstairs without tripping over long silky robe.
• Try to find pair of matching socks.
• Try to find pair of matching shoes.
• Try to find cell phone, purse and keys.
• Try to not spill coffee on outfit, get to work at a reasonable hour (before 10:30am)
• Compete all tasks and meetings before lunch
• Try not to dribble lunch on already coffee stained outfit
• Get to after-lunch meetings on time and do not fall asleep in food enduced coma
• Try not to trip over feet at any point during the day
• Do not burp or pass gas at any point during the day (at least within ear shot of another human being)
• Find a source of chocolate
• completel writing/editing tasks
• Drive home and fall into large wine glass
• Feed cats before they feast on my new shoes
• empty litter box
• Do more than think about working out while sitting on couch, drinking wine and inhaling dinner
• Make trip into garage and llok at the Treadmill for a few minutes
• Realize my shoes are in the car (a few steps from the treadmill)
• Decide will work out tomorrow night
• Return to couch and finish wine while watching the Big Bang Thoery
• Fall asleep on couch
• wake up at 2am, try to make it upstairs without tripping in halp alseep stupor
• rinse, repeat.

OK, actually most of my days do not look anything like this at all, however some days I still do not have anything interesting to add to the universe of writing.  Some days there are all kinds of thoughts in my head and it just takes a while for it to all come together to be written. And yet other days, I cannot do anything but write, and everything written is brilliant (or so I tell myself).

And so it is with writing. I didn’t think there is a wrong or right way, I think you just have to do it when it strikes you. To let it flow when it will – and that means having pen andpapaer everywhere. I cannot tell you how many snippets of thoughts I have written on napkins, sticky notes, pieces of paper, odd stationary, envelopes, paper bags, reciepts, anything I can get mu hands on. And they are stuffed in every purse, bags, tote, notebook, that I have.

All thoughts, little pieces of my heart, soul, life and purpose, spread out on these sheets, scattered throughout my life. All waiting for a New Post.

The fact of the matter is, is that my life is not that interesting (despite that fact that certain people cannot stop talking and gossipping about it). But even with a simple life of working, living, eating, breathing and loving, there is enough common ground to write about things everyone can relate to. We do not have to have similiar lives to relate to what someone writes, just similar feelings emotions or thoughts.

And that, to me, is what makes writing and reading blogs so fascinating. So there will always be a new post, because there will always be a feeling, an expereince, an emotion to write about in the very human expereince we call Life.

On Dating

Some have called me a relationship expert. While I would not go that far, I have learned some valuable lessons that can be shared. I have had several requests

• Respect yourself – If you respect yourself, then others will too. If you do not respect yourself you will allow others to treat you any way they see fit. It’s not about them, it’s about you.
• Speak – There is no value in playing coy. Speak your mind, and if a man doesn’t like it, he is not the right man.  You have to speak up if you want to have have your needs met in a relationship. Suffering in silence does no one any good.
• Be feisty – Don’t be afraid to be feisty, Demand respect, call a man on his shit, and don’t be willing to compromise on deal breakers or what is important to you. There are men out there who will try to knock you down and insult you for being feisty and standing up for yourself. Don’t listen to them. You don’t have to be mean or ugly, simply don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want in a relationship.
• Be a lady – If you behave like a contestant on Jerry Springer, you will have men and relationships that could be on Jerry Springer. Always be a lady…and men will treat you like one. If a man does not treat you like a lady, which means with respect and kindness, then he is not the man for you. Walk away.
• Believe them the first time – There is a saying that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. This is very true in dating. If the man mistreats you, then he has shown you who he is. Love should feel good, it should not hurt. And sometimes we spend so much time trying to hang on or fix what feels bad that we forget to make room for what feels good. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel good, then it’s time to walk away. Believe them the first time…
• You don’t have to be the nice girl – While you should always be a lady, you don’t always have to be “nice.” That means don’t be afraid to walk away, or simply not take any crap. Sometimes it is easy to get caught in the Nice girl trap…you give chance after chance to a guy who keeps mistreating you. Because you want to be nice, because you want to be fair, because you don’t want to be a bitch. Forget that! If he doesn’t treat you right, he doesn’t deserve another chance. The only men who have ever resented me not taking any of their crap, where those who were really trying to get away with something. If the guys is right for you, there will be no crap that you have to take or put up with.
• Sex – A relationship is much more than sex. However, life is too short to settle for bad sex. So if you are not getting what you want, talk to him about it, and if that doesn’t work, move on.
• Know that you are good enough.  When in the game of dating, it is easy to have doubts about yourself. My friends and I have been criticized for not picking up the tab on a first date (we are the girls) to dressing too sexy, to not dressing sexy enough, making too much money, not making enough…and everything in between. While it is natural to have doubts, know that you are good enough. you are pretty enough, you are sexy enough. You, just you, are enough, just the way you are. And however you are…own it.
• Be honest. Dating should be fun, but don’t play games with others feelings. Karma is a bitch, and you do not want to cross her.
• Have fun. Dating should be fun. Laugh, play, enjoy yourself and the intrigue of getting to know another human being. And who knows, maybe you could find the love of your life.
• Move slow. People are complex and flawed, don’t rush in.  Falling in love is a wonderful, beautiful process and sometimes we are in such a hurry, we forget to enjoy the process. Taking your time also makes sure that he is what you think he is. When we rush in, we can give the other person characteristics that they may or may not have. We can make assumptions about who and what they are. Only time will tell. And if a man starts moving faster than what you are comfortable with, then that is a red flag. Some men move quickly for a reason. If you express not wanting to move fast, and he pressures you anyway, walk away.
• Red Flags. Pay attention to them. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in dating and liking that person, that we ignore those red flags. Paying attention to them can save you from a broken heart, a lot of drama and could even safe your life.
• Trust your gut. No matter what, always follow your gut. So many times we, especially women, ignore our gut feelings because we can’t put a finger on the red flag or feeling of uneasiness. We want to be nice, to give that persona chance…but our guts are good to us, and rarely, if ever, wrong. No matter what anyone says, always trust your gut.
• Laugh. Laugh with him, laugh when one of you does something silly, laugh after a fight, and if you have a bad date, laugh at him while having wine with your girlfriends.

This is a start. Now go out there are date. 🙂

Protected: And so it is

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You Have Got to be Crazy. No You Are Perfect

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with you own common sense.” – Buddah

Ever since  I was a little girl, mother always told me, follow what you believe to be right, follow your gut, and don’t worry  about what other people say or think. This is, without a doubt, the best advice I have ever been given.

Through life, I have beat my own drum and stood up for what I believed to be right, For me and my life.  Always listen to that inner voice – for your guts will never lead you wrong. Follow your own truth. But be prepared – you will be criticized.

Barbara Steistand did it when she invested everything  she had in Funny Girl, so did Steven Speilberg with Star Wars. Everyone, including Steve Jobs, thought Bill Gates was called crazy, and also Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook. Einstein was called crazy and stupid for his equations, as was Sir Isaac Newton and even Darwin. So was Walt Disney. They all had one thing in common though: the unshakeable belief, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they could beat the odds by beating their own drum. And the risks everyone thought they were taking? Well are they really risks if you know the odds are more than in your favor?   Have to say, if I am a crazy person, lumped in with crazy losers like them, I am OK with that.

I have been called crazy for quitting  my job in Columbus, Ga and moving to Atlanta, been called crazy for thinking I could make it in radio (did that successfully for 15 years), called crazy for quitting the wonderful world of finance to pursue my dream of writing….and I have been called crazy more times than I can count for the things I have written.  Some have said very harsh things about me.  And that is Ok.

Because I am happy. I have a wonderful family, a great relatioship with BOTH my mother and my father, I have a wonderful man in my life, who treats me like a queen, I have a wonderful lucerative, succesful career as a writer that is very fulfilling, and amazing friends who love and support me. Those people who criticize me? Not so much….

So if you ever start doubting yourself, and wondering if what you are doing, the drum you are beating, is the right one, take a look at how happy you are. Compare that with how happy they are. Those people who criticize you (or me) – Who are they that their opinion matters?   And I will never criticize them, because I am too busy living a great life. Let’s face it, if I listened to everything people said I couldn’t do, I would have never gotten up out of bed. Just put on your blinders, focus in on what you want, the life you want to have, the goals you want to reach, and reach them. You can, because this is your life and you can do whatever you want. It’s not about them, It’s about you.

When it comes to following your dreams, your gut, your heart, don’t worry about what someone else thinks. While they are talking trash about you to others, you are skipping along living your happy wonderful life. And they…well, if you are the best thing they have to talk about, then that speaks volumes. This is your life. It’s not about them. It’s about you. Never forget that. And never for get who. You. Are.

Stay grounded as a person, as yourself, follow your gut, and you will never go wrong. And if you let the negative things negative people say about you…then let it motivate and inspire you to proove them wrong. All those people who say I am crazy for writing? Or what I write about? Do they have a book that is being published is the spring? No? No. And I do not say that to be cruel, not at all. Just to make the point that I am living my dream, and if they want to call me crazy for it, then they not only have my permission, but my blessing as well.

So follow your own path, your own dreams, your thoughts, your own truth, and let the chips, and opinions fall where they may. Break the rules, challenge thoughts, do it your own way, speak your own truth and don’t be afraid. Those who truly know you will know the truth, and those who don’t…well, you’ll be too busy being happy to worry about them, or what they think. Because you, and your drum, and your beat, are perfect.

Christmas Angels

Christmas time is always special, but this year, it is just extra special. Maybe it is because my Father is alive, maybe it is the love my parents share, maybe it is because we are all together, maybe it is because I am alive and not married to a monster, maybe it is because we truly love each other and enjoy each others company. I don’t know, but this has been the most wonderful and happiest Christmas we have ever had. No one has taken anything for granted.

The sweetest thing has been watching my father’s delight in spoiling my mother. He absolutely showered my mother with gifts. Now, Christmas is not about gifts, it is about love and the birth of Jesus, but it is been wonderful to watch my fathers expression of delight as my mother opened everything from him. My mother is the least materialistic person on the planet. She appreciates and loves my father no matter what. Their love for each other serves as example to me, and the kind of love I want to have when I get married, and nothing less is acceptable. Because I know true love really exists. Not only because I have felt it, but because I have lived with it as an example all my life.

I watched and took pictures and videos of my father while Mom was opening up her gifts. He was glowing. He just delights in pleasing her and making her happy. They not only teach love to their children and grandchildren, they live it. They have not only taught us how to treat our loved ones, they have lead by example. I know how a man is, and is not, supposed to treat me, by watching how my father treats my mother. He has never raised his voice or his hand to her. He cherishes and loves her her above everyone else, and would never do anything the hurt her, physically or emotionally. And that is one of the many reasons he is and always will be one of my hero.

My nephews had a great Christmas as well, and they felt very loved. As I walked around taking pictures of everyone, I heard the very happy contentment of conversation. The oldest and youngest nephews looking at the latest electronic gadget, and the middle working with his grandfather putting another together. My Mom looking after everyone like she does, the pets playing and running around exited by the wrapping and happiness in the air. And somehow, The Man has made me feel very wanted, appreciated and needed from many miles away.

There was a flurry of activity as we ran in between family houses to wrap all the gifts…where we the scissors? Who was the last person to have that particular paper, and where is the tape?  We ran out of boxes, a first for our family, so gifts became strange lumpy wrapped shapes. At some point bows and ribbon we just abondonned, as the hour was getting late. We are usually very creative with gift wrapping – even making one gift with antlers called it Rudolf a few years ago. But after the boxes ran out, creativity took on a new meaning. I did have the honor of recieving the worst wrapper of the year.

And then there is the food. Oh, the food, food, food. My mother knows how to feed an army. She is an amazing cook and baker. We have been stuffed with homemade candied peanuts (a favorite of all who have tried them), turkey, and lots of tasty treats. There have also been a lot of phone conversations with loved ones far away. There was one strange phone call from a man whose voice Mom did not recognize at 3301 Glenwood Circle, holiday, Fl and he hung up before speaking to my father, but outside of that, the conversations have been good and the laughter free flowing.

Last night we stayed up wrapping gifts…then the boys (my nephews) wanted to stay with the tradition of everyone unwrapping one gift on Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning. However, once they started they could not stop. It was a joy to watch, as I tried to keep up with taking pictures of everyone. Today there was breakfast, then we all perfected the art of lounging. Do not be fooled by it’s seeming easiness. You must work very hard to truly master the art of lounging. And we all worked very hard and worked up an hearty appetite for our delicious Christmas Dinner.

Yes, this is the kind of Christmas we will always cherish, because of the amount of love in our house. I have to thank my parents for this. It is their love for each other that truly sets the tone for the holidays. So much laughter, kindness, quirkyness and fun. I love my family and am blessed to have them around me. It has been said that angels are among us, and looking at my family I know it is surely true.  🙂

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Aging and Wisdom

http://platform.twitter.com/widgets/hub.1324331373.htmlAge is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain

As Christmas, the new year, and then my birthday approaches, I think about getting another year old, and of getting older period I ahve always loved the idea of getting older, as Father Time and I made a deal a long time ago: I only get better with age. The first time I saw one of those fine lines around my eyes, I panaicked, then I looked a little closer in the mirror and realized that with that line, I became more beautiful than I had ever been. And so it goes.

I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. Lauren Bacall

On my 30th birthday , I could not stop smiling. It was probably my worst birthday – my Mom dying of cancer, I was in a new place where I did not know anyone, and my boyfriend out of town on business…and yet, there was a smile that would not go away. Finally, I had arrived. And I supposed that is how I have felt ever since. With each birthdya there is an arrival, or wisdom, of expereince, of knowing, of sophistication, of life. Finally, I am old enough to do the thigns that I want, young enough to still have the energy to do them, and making enough money to do them as well. Why would I want to go back to the younger years?

Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength. Betty Friedan

Don’t get me wrong, I had a ball in my twenties. I partied a little, dated, stayed up all night driving to thte beach just to watch a sunrise over the water, went out with the wrong men jsut for fun, bought things I could not afford, took chances that drove my family crazy and marched through life with an innocence and just knew it would all be OK.. And it was. But, I have had more fun in my 30’s then even my best days in my 20’s. Because I am older, and wiser and can afford more, and am more comfortable in my own skin.

Yes, I am going to have much fun this next year, and I will earn every wrinkle, every fine line, every gray hair (thoogh I have colored my hair for so long I truly would not know if I had any). I will make this year the best age yet…though I say that every year. But i have so much fun every year because I never stop being curious, never stop learning, never stop asking questions and being open to the answers. I may not like what I learn, but I learn it just the same. And I am more of a woman, a person, a human being, because of my knowledge.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.  Henry Ford

The one thing I do miss bout youth is the innocence and Niavitee that goes along with it. Sometimes I miss thinking that the world is perfect, that there are really no bad people out there. One you have staired in the eyes of the Devil, you loose that innocence. But what age makes you realize, in that wisom caused by expereince, is that you can completely envelope those expereinces, until there is no trace left, until it is only, wholly I. And that wonderful morsel is only something Iknow because of my age.

I’m happy to report that my inner child is still ageless. James Broughton

So it is with this attitude and excitement that I go forward another year, another age. And I raise my glass to Father Time and thank him. Because this year, there will be so many wonderful things to celebrate. There will be dancing, travel, laughter, writing, adventure, new expereinces, new questions, new answers, new opportunities, new life, new romance, new chances, a new age. And this, all of this, mostly because, all because, I have been blessed with a wonderful life.

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10 Sexiest Thigns About Men – Repost

Several friends have asked me to repost this. So, here it is…the most wonderful list of the year. And remember –  men are delicious, wonderful, kind and amazing. Appreciate them, love them, spoil them, but make sure they still put the seat down!  Enjoy!

In this world of man-bashing and battles of the sexes, I thought it would be nice to list some of the sexiest things about men.

1.Their Chest: Truly a wonderful thing.  There is some just soo incredibly sexy about a man’s chest.  Whether they work out or not, because the males chest belongs to a man it is-by default-Sexy.

2. Chest Hair: Sexy because it is uniquely male.  Only a man can have hair like that (I hope), and it is wonderful to run your hands through.  And I love to nuzzle my face in a great ahiry chest. Heaven. But one Need not have a hairy chest to be sexy as long as one has #3

3. Stuble: THE sexiest thing about men.  Ever.  The 5:00 shadow is the epitomy of manly, and again, wonderful to feel close to. I love to get very close and rub my cheek against a man’s stubble. Heaven many times over. And if you ladies have ever had a man run his stubble along your back or neck, it is truly a wonderful and sensual experience.

4.  Arms: Yes I know what you are thinking, women have these too.  But there is something about the shape of the muscles in a man’s arm that is delicious. The texture is different.   Whether they work out or not, a man’s arm does not look anything like a woman’s (even if she works out – a lot).

5.  The voice: A deep manly voice could give me chills in the dessert on a summer afternoon.  Manificent and sexy. There are some men who I could sit and listen to them read the phone book…it’s all about the voice.

6.  Legs: This goes a long with the arms.  The muscles in a man’s leg look nothing like a womans’ And if you can cath them when they are running or lifting something heavy, that is a very sexy moment, to watch those muslces in motion.

7.  Lips:  No matter how plump or modest, you can’t look at a man’s lips with out thinking about kissing. I love watching a man’s lips, how they form their words, how they smile, even how they frown.

8.  Ass: OK, really do I need to explain?

9:  Hands: They are capable of fixing cars, plumbing issues, and beating the pulp out another guy to defend your honor and can still be gentle and tender. Many times I will watch a mans hands just for the sheer joy and sensuality of it. How they move, what they look like when doing certain things, how nimble they are, I just lvoe noticing all of those subtle nuances about a mans hands.

And last but not least….

10  Mind: What creature can make us melt because they don’t want to be alone after seeing “Old Yeller”, and infuriate us after not putting the seat down – again?  Yes, through the good,  the bad and the ugly, the way men think is truly unique the the male species.

There are other really great sexy things about men. Like the way they kiss us (especially when they hold us really tight or gently touch our face.)  The way they look at us.  The fact that they can lift heavy things.  When they open doors for us.  When they put their hands gently on our back to guide us as we are walking – love that. When they hold us when we cry, reassure us when we are scared.  When they are vulnerable.  When they shyly slip their hand into ours.  When they kiss our hands. The list could go on and on….

Now if only men came with a money back, time back, emotion back guarantee when/if they become defective!   Oh-well you can’t have everything!

My Favorite Christmas Traditions

We all have those holiday traditions. And through the years, some change and some keep going. This year is a mixture of both. As my life changes, so do the traditions. A bit untraditional maybe, but I am very much getting rid of old baggage and things not needed. Some traditions may need to be taken out. I decided way back in June that this was the year to grab onto the new and trash what is not needed of the old. Traditions do give us  and consistency in an ever-changing landscape of life. But sometimes it is good to make new traditions, and new memories. And the nominees are:

The Christmas Tree: Every year I have friends and family help put it up. This year is not different, with cheesy Christmas music playing and the eggnog flowing, it is a tradition that must be kept. And my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree? Yes that is staying too, even though many have said I need a better tree. And, in keeping with my tradition, I may just let this years tree stay up past Easter. Again. After all, it is tradition!

The Date:  I typically avoid dating during the holidays. Like the plaque. If I am not already dating someone by the Beginning of November (possibly early October) I typically do not date until after the new year.  This tradition gets rid of the “I don’t want to be alone during the holidays” boys, and the awkward “What do I get someone I have only been dating a month” Christmas gift exchange. This tradition needs to go, obviously. And I am enjoying this year and shopping, which is a very pleasant surprise.

The Mistletoe: This tradition simply needs to be altered a bit. Even thought I do not normally date anyone during the holidays, I do usually engage in some holiday mischief. I hang up mistletoe and insist any man who crosses my threshold must kiss me. This year, that will not be the case, though I do plan to have the same amount of kisses, if not more, under the mistletoe.

The Cheesy Christmas Music: Blasting all the Christmas Carols I can in my car and house is a must. From Celine Dion, to Wilson Philips to Michael Bolton…the cheesier the better. This tradition stays. period.

The Stocking Shuffle: Every year, Christmas Eve, we sneak around each other and put “things” in the stockings. We are so Sneaky, we are Neaky…the S is silent (just an example of how cheesy things can get, and yes you can quote me). They are not expensive, could be pencils, candy and cute hand puzzles, but they are tiny little things that are given for the pure pleasure and enjoyment of it.  Every year my sis brings the stockings to my parents house, along with their hangers, and they are hung by the chimney with care. Yes, this tradition stays.

The Shopping: This defiantly gets changed this year. Usually shopping is done early, except for maybe a few last-minute gifts. This year, the holidays snuck up on me and I have not even started shopping. I may even have to go into a mall this year, which is something that I do try to avoid in a big city around Christmas. Pray for me.

The Socks: Every year, for over 20 years now, I give my father socks. This is more than a tradition, it is a requirement.  When I was about 15, the style was to wear the big, bulky socks. Well, I just went into my fathers sock drawer and took them. This went on for months when my mother finally came to me and said that my father thought is was sweet that I stole his socks, but he was running out. So, would I mind replacing them every now and then? And the tradition was started, that every gift giving opportunity, whether Father’s Day, birthday, anniversary, Christmas, whatever, he was given socks along with his regular gifts. And I still steal mens socks (as all boyfriends know).

The Pictures: Every year I am the photographer for the family.  I don’t see this changing, though I may have some competition as other family members are also very good at snapping those great candid shots.

Monopoly: Growing up, every year my sister and I would get up at the crack of dawn (5am) and play monopoly until 6am. Thenwe would sneak out, and look in or stockings (something we were not supposed to do). We then went back to playing Monopoly until 7, when we were allowed to wake our parents up and start ripping into the gifts. While sis and I have not done this in many, many years, we still have very fond memories.

Decorating Mom’s Tree:  Yes, it is a fake tree. Mom has put up a fake tree since the “Live Tree Incident of 1971’ish”. Mom and Dad were married and put up their first live tree. They had a disagreement about who should take it down – Dad, because it was the man’s job since Mom put it up, or Mom, because she was in charge of the interior of the house. Needless to say, with both my parents being just a tad stubborn, the live tree stayed up until they moved the next April…after it had long died and all of the little needles had all fallen off. Now we do fake trees.

This has been a family tradition every year since I was a child.  And Mom putting up the tree has always been a huge deal. It took Mom several days to put up the tree, shape the branches, and string the lights from the inside of the tree onto each one of the 2,000 tips. Then there are all the ornaments she has been collecting for 30 years. We each get our favorite ones and hang them on the tree. Oh, and the Snitch Baskets – little baskets full of candy that you have to sneak to eat. The tradition has been modified a bit, it is now a prelit tree to help save time and Mom’s back.

The Dinner: This will always be a tradition.  Mom, or one of us girls, cooks a wonderful Christmas dinner. It is usually Polynesian (or however it is spelled) ham. I tried to make it one year, but used too many whole cloves and it turned out to be…less than appetizing. I leave it to the experts, namely my mother, now. There are green beans and corn, and casseroles, and too many wonderful things to even be able to eat.  Then there are all the baked goods. Mom’s traditional Candied peanuts, which everyone goes crazy for. And the Pecan Kisses, than every one loves. Then there is the banana bread, pumpkin bread, sour dough bread. And the fantasy fudge and cheesecakes. YUM!

The Nap: It happens every year, it is just a bet to see who is the first one to fall.  We all end up falling and curling up in a bed, or on one of the world-famous, so comfortable you fall asleep on them couches, and nap. Happy, wonderful deep napping. OK, that tradition isn’t going anywhere either.

There are other new traditions I hope to start this year as well, but I don’t want to give those away yet, I want to savor them first. And these are my favorite Christmas tradtions.

Skydiving and Other Adventures

Around this time of year, as I think about the goals and what I want for the net year, I start to get a little restless.  I think about all the adventures that could happen in a years time…and I want to do them all. Do you ever feel like a life time is not enough time do to all that you want to do?  Sometimes I feel this way. The world is just so big and full of things. But if I can do a few things every year, maybe that will be enough…of course living till I am 150 would help too.

Two things that are being added to the “To Do” list of 2012, along with the getting certified in diving, getting a professional camera, doing more belly dancing, and a lot more travel, I will go skydiving and I will make it to Dubia as well.  2012 is going to be such a busy and great year…and I cannot wait to start it. After all, we must always have goals in our life, we must always stay curious about the world around us, and we must always be willing to experience new things and meet new people if we are to grow in life.

And who says that growth must be a painful experiece?  I think that it can be fun, enjoyable and full of adventure. Sure, a few bad expereiences may happen a long the way, but into everyone’s life a little rain must fall. And love in 2012? Oh, you really need to hold on tight for that one, because that is always an unpredictable adventure. So bring it on, and fasten your seat belts, because 2012 is going to be a hellofaride.

You Who

You Who Has

You who dried my tears and gently bushed the hair away from my face.

You who held me while I sobbed, comforted me in my fear and darkness.

You who has been kind and patient, compassionate and empathetic.

You who has said many words, but has actually shown me through actions.

You who has made me laugh and enjoy little moments.

You who has told me you are not going anywhere.

You who said you can take it, while holding me tightly.

You who has cleansed me of old dirt and crime left from the impurities of others.

You who has shown me that true kindness still exists.

You who tenderly looks at me in the darkness and light and smiles.

You who tells me I am beautiful and worth waiting for.

You who has more integrity and compassion than most can even imagine

You, yes you, you deserve the best of me.

Ada 11/27/2011

Days of the New

This holiday has been great and wonderful. My family has been together and everyone is be is happy and doing well.  My nephews are growing like weeds and all doing well in c school.  My parents are happy and healthy, my father getting the final words on his cancer from Emory next week. There was much laughter, much delicious food, lots of eating, drinking and merriment. We sat out to talk and laugh by the new fire pit. There was taking the boat out and enjoying the beauty of all the nature that surrounds us.

There was putting up the family Christmas tree and telling the stories of all the old ornaments my mother has had and collected for so many years.  We all have our favorite ornaments and we love unwrapping the little delicate creations to find on that we have enjoying looking at in the tree. And this year, there was my guest, who at 6’4” could reach all the high branches the tiniest of ornaments needed to hang.

And he has been an absolute joy on this trip. It has been wonderful to have him here with us and he just fit right in with the family.  It is really this trip where I see how off my judgment was with my ex. But how was I too know that my Ex’s physical presence and energy would be so awful? He did not present himself to be one who had to be in complete control and from the moment he walked in to my home he tried to take over and tell my family what to do, how to do it and when. I had to remind him several times that this is my family and he conforms to us, as I would not ever be so presumptuous as to try to change his family or the way they do things. I think of how This Thanksgiving would Have been with the ex with my family and it would have been unbearable as he would have tries to control every thing.

My guest has been kind and gracious, respectful and has thoroughly enjoyed being around my family, as he says our families are very similar. I look forward to meeting his parents and siblings soon. If they are anything like he is, I will no doubt enjoy them very much.  My guest very much wants to relationship with me, and I think I have made up my mind. I trust my judgment of him.

I did not misjudged my ex at all, I believed him to be what he pretended to be, I trusted that he would tell the truth, and in the process he was able to con me, long distance over the internet. It is easy to pretend you are anything online. I trusted another human being, I took a chance, ended up being a target, but I took the chance. I will be smarter next time, but I release myself form the guilt of not seeing or being smarter. My ex was a consummate con man. I am not his first con, not the first woman he has abused, nor will I be his last.

My guest, I know him. And I like him. And I think I want to see where this goes.

My Father’s Workshop

It has long been one of my favorite rooms, full of mysterious and powerful things. Things that I was never allowed to touch as a little girl. And My father used these things with much craft and skill, Fixing, building, sanding, hammering, making, so many things. The room was my fathers workshop. And at any given time he could be found working on his latest project, the smell of sawdust thick in the air and all over the floor.

Some of my best memories are of working with my father in that workshops, watching his hands shape the wood, or work on metal, fascinated at his skill and precision.  He has a very methodical nature, it goes with is engineering profession. Every single measure exactly exact., every piece expertly crafted and fit together, sanded to the finest point.

My father taught both my sister and I how to do basic maintenance on our cars – how to change a flat tire, how to rotate the tires, change the oil, brake pads, calipers, spark plugs (when cars actually had spark plugs), and such. One  particularly fond memory I have is working on changing my break pads when we discovered one of the calipers was stuck. It started to rain. And there my father and I were, in the rain, drenched, working on this caliper so my car would be safe to drive.

And through the years, through all the cars that we have worked on together, through all the projects and things around the house to be fixed, he has always had the tools needed, stored his workshop. And even now I love to go in and just gaze at all the tools. And I smile, as I do love that place so very much.

My Thankful List

That for which I am thankful

As the famous dinner approaches, and as the end of the year draws near, I am left to reflect on the past twelve months. It has been quite a ride, quite an adventure. It  has been full of magic discoveries, heartache, happiness, hope frustration, kindness, anger, compassion. I have felt every emotion possible this year, I have felt them drinking wine and sharing in my best friends house. Eating copious amounts of cheese dip at my favorite Mexican restaurant, I have felt them over long talks and phone conversations, in loves and losses, in my travels and my failures, in my victories, losses, blessings and, mostly, entirely, completely, I have felt them in my heart.

And this year, I have a long list to be thankful for, mostly because, all because, they have carried me through the dark and made the light much brighter.  My list of things for which to be thankful:

Being alive: It may sound cliché and trite, but after having had someone try to kill me, and being made very aware of my own mortality, I am thankful for every breath I take, every day. I am even thankful for the bad days, the  bad moments, the tears, because they mean so much that I am alive, That he did not kill me, that my neck, while still sore and needing medical attention, is still capable.

My Life: Again, not too sound so predictable, but even t=with the bad moments in this year, my life is truly amazing.  I still have bad moments, confusion and anger still creep in, but all in all, especially when I could have lost so much more, I cannot complain.

My Faith: My faith in God and His grace has seen me through more than I can even fathom. He continues to bless me with His Grace every day, with every little bit that I heal. He brings wonderful people in my life who make it a batter place, He is the reason I am strong and can and did survive. It is also my faith that allows me to still trust, to still love, to still believe in the wonder of the human spirit as battered as it may be.

My Parents: I have been made very aware of how lucky I am to have the parents I have.  To have been given a wonderful childhood where all I knew was love and freedom. Where I still can go, to hear their voices, to feel their arms around me, to know their love reaches me, in the places where nothing else can, deep inside, and that I am never without it. To know that there is never anything that can take that love away.

Also I am thankful for my parents relationship and love for each other.  To be able to see and feel and know they love and respect they have for each other. To have it a tangible thing, an example for me and my life, hopes and dreams for a partner. To see them love each other and treat each other in such a loving way, and to know that this, what they have, is what I want and deserve.

Health: Not only my own but that of my loved ones. My father having been diagnosed and treated for liver cancer, now is deemed to be healthy again. We are optimistic, but cautious still.  My mother went through her fight with stage 4+ Ovarian cancer 10 years ago and is still in good health, even though she still smokes like a chimney.  Stubborn and feisty, she will outlive us all cigarette in hand.

My Career and my job: I still get the biggest thrill to be able to say that I am a writer.  To know that every day I get not only to write, but get paid to write, is the most amazing thing to me.  I did it. I, with luck hard work and a lot of prayer and faith, have the career I only dreamed of having. And the company for which I work holds it’s employees valuable. To be appreciated and held in high regard with my peers is on honor.

My friends: I truly have the best friends in the world, and this year has shown be just how lucky and blessed I am to have these wonderful people in my life.  They support me, love me, put up with me,, laugh with me, never at me (or at least they make sure I am OK after the lasted fall before they laugh at me). And they are my heart. My life would be a dark and barren place without their love and kindness.

For him: I am thankful for hima nd his comfort and for what he is teaching me.

This Sassy Girl

The word Sassy is defined in the dictionary as distinctively smart and stylish. The Urban dictionary defines the word sassy as someone possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool. Fun, daring, sexy, multifaceted, someone you have to have! The urban dictionary also defines my name as a Word used to describe a sexy vixen who is usually bitingly witty and hard to catch. (can also be used as a noun). And we know that if it is online or in the urban dictionary, it must be true!

The title of my blog is a Sassy Girls Guide to a Life of Wanderlust. And as silly as it sounds, for a little while I forgot that that meant. For a little while, I forgot how to be Sassy. This may not seem like a big thing, but to me it is huge. I have always not only been sassy, but spirited and feisty. There are those who think that being a sassy feisty girl is a bad thing…but those are the people who want to  control others. For the sassy, feisty, high spirited crowd cannot be controlled and we follow no one; we would rather make our own trail, thankyouverymuch.The people who cannot handle or understand this will walk away, criticizing, saying words of ugliness, hatefulness, or spite. And that is OK. We feisty people cannot be bothered. We will not tolerate those who are mean or unjust. We just simply…leave.

But for those who can take it, the adventure and the mystery, and can hold on tight, what a wonderful ride. When you take a ride with one of us sassy, feisty folks, you will see the world in a whole new light. The secrets that are shared, the adventures had, the love that grows, the whole experience, will be thrilling. And the beauty of this world, of truly being free, of a soul and heart that is free, is a wondrous thing.

Being Sassy, Feisty, high spirited is truly a beautiful thing as well.  We make our own rules, we go our own ways. Does that mean that we never settle or even slow down? No, not at all. We do. Remember Black Beauty? You can never tame a free heart with cruelty. No, we will decide with whom we ride; the others left pale in the dust. And that is the key to a sassy girls life.

How Deep is Your Love

It has been written about for as long as there has been written language. For centuries we have tried to define it, measure it and quantify it  Shakespeare  wrote about it and it is the subject of countless movies, books, songs and plays.

Someone once asked me to define the depths of my love.  My answer was simply it is deep enough. And when you think about it, the depth of love simply cannot be defined as we have nothing to measure it.  We can compare the depth of love, ei. deep as the ocean. Trying to define the depth of love is like trying to define the depth of the human soul. There simply is nothing in this world capable of it’s measure. It is like trying to define the scent of a rose or the depth of a lover’s sigh, the  depth of the moon’s glow, andit  cannot be defined by a writer such as I. It simply is. And even in my description, it is still not defined, only held in comparison. It simply is. And it is deep enough.

And why is this? Why can we not measure the depth of someone’s love?  Another very good friend of mine very simply said that to define something is to put limitations on it, and the depths of love has no limits. It is unquantifiable, immeasurable. It is only as deep as the givers soul, only as deep as the receiver can accept.

It’s On

There are many times that I do the Happy Dance.  When I got offered the new position where I now work, when I got a raise, when I discover any number of great things durin ghte  day.  Now I am doing the Happy Dance again…why?

Because I will not be hosting the family Thanksgiving Dinner!  Don’t get me wrong, I lvoe my family and I lvoe to cook. Hwoever, my 3 bedroom 2.5 bath townhome is just does nto have enough room for the entire family, and the pets, the the food, and the extra company. So, we will all be haeding down south this Thanksgiving…and I will only be responsible for briinging my guests there safely. My parents place (or the compound as we call it), it much better suited for the 10+ people we are lined up to have dining with us this year.

And really, no one wants to see this clumsy girl in the kitchen all day long with sharp objects…nothing good could come of that.

And this Thanksgivig, I have so much to be thanksful for, which will be another blog coming…

What Defines a Relationship

Spending time together, mutual interest, laughing, going out, strengthening a bond and liking are all things present in a relationship.  As I am healing from my last relationship and stating that I am not ready to be in another, I wonder…what defines a relationship? And when it comes to relationships, does the dictionary even apply?

It makes sense to define exactly what it is that I am indeed not ready to do. To some this may seem like a silly, but to me it seems like a natural question to ask. And the answer also seems to vary depending on who is asked.  Do men and women view what makes a relationship differently? There have been many books written on that topic. I think so.

For instance, is it the amount of time you spend with someone makes it a relationship? Or is it the amount of romantic interest (and that it is mutual)? What is the man takes you out on dates? What if you always stay in and hang out? And what about sex?  I know plenty of men, and several women even, who say that just because you have sex does not mean you are involved in a relationship with that person.  Others (including myself) have said that if you sleep with someone then you are dating.

Others still say it is the length of time you are with that person that makes it a relationship, while others say whether it is or not you are exclusive that determinesthe relationship status. Or is it simply to be defined by the two people involved? Then there is the whole issue of making sure the person you think you are in a relationship with actually has the same definition you do. And if two people disagree with what  make it a relationship…does that mean it is or isn’t? One thing is for sure, this relationship creature is an enigma. How can we commit to something when we are not even sure what it is?

Maybe, it would be better instead to say exactly what it is I am not ready for, and what I am. I am ready to have someone to spend time with, a person who I like and who likes me. I am ready to be held and cuddled, to have big strong shoulders to cry on when I get scared, feel sad or have a another night mare. I am ready to have someone gently show me I can trust them…and who will not be put off by my caution. I am ready for someone to think I am amazing (and of course I am ). I am ready for someone to spoil me for a while, and let me rest emotionally. I am ready to be safe. And I am ready to be kissed. I am ready for slow, deep, passinate kisses that take your breathe away. I am ready for slow dancing, and the Tango. I am ready for footrubs and back rubs. I am ready to feel and arm around me.

I am not ready to try to trust someone new. I am not ready and simply do not have it in me to deal with trying to figure out if someone is sincere or just looking to get laid. I do not have the time to deal with fake this or that, or to find that  someone I really like, likes and is dating 7 other girls. Am I ready for sex? The hormones say yes, the emotions say no. And I am not ready for a bad ending. I am used to nice endings, as most of my ex’s are good friends now. The last relationship ended horribly, and with no expression of sorrow or remorse for what he did, I must accept the fact that he has none, or he would have expressed it by now. I relaly just do not want to go through another bad ending.

Am I ready to fall in love?  Who is not ready to fall head over heals, knock your socks off, make your heart beat faster, in love? I guess what I am not ready for is the process it takes to get there. After the last and what happened, maybe I am just happy to stick my toe in the water for now. After all, the ocean is not going anywhere, and neither is the dictionary.