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The Winding Road to Here

It is so very interesting how people get from there to here, here being where ever they are now. And I wonder if life ever happens exactly as we think it will. All the roads we take, the paths to which they lead, and the adventures we take that we not on our planned road map.

 For instance, I never thought I would be a writer. But it just came so natural that I didn’t even think about it. Funny how something can be so comfortable and natural that it doesn’t even occur to you.  But it means something.

 Even in school, I wrote plays and reports. Friends and classmates would have me look over and edit their assignments. I started that in 3^rd grade. Even the teachers in third grade asked me to help them write a play they were writing specifically for the school. At the time I thought nothing about it. I’ve written in a journal since I was 10.

 In high school got A’s for writing assignments, research papers and short stories. But do not ask me to diagram a sentence. I can’t do it. But I can write. In college I loved English classes and have always been a bookworm as a child and an adult

By the time I was an adult in the working world, every where I went they had me write once they saw I could do it. In addition to my regular job duties, I wrote sales copy, commercial copy, reports, memos, white papers, web copy, SEO copy, press releases, news articles, public service announcements and press releases. If they needed it,, I wrote it. For 20 years.

And then I became a writer, once I figured out that is what I was all along. And now I get paid to live my dream every day.  But I never thought I would be here, but am so happy I am.

And in life, would we want it any other way? People have asked if I ever wished I started as a writer earlier. No, I tell them, because as it turns out I was a writer all along, and my experiences in other industries, doing other things has only enriched my career that I have now. I could not be the writer I am without having had gone down those winding paths to here.

The things we do, adventures we have, the people we meet along the way to where we are going, even when we are not on the path on which we thought we would be…are what make our lives and ourselves, what they are. Those paths we take to here, change us and make our lives all the better.

So pay attention to those paths and to what is so comfortable that it may otherwise go unnoticed. Because those paths lead to the most bliss indeed. I have followed those subtle things, and I am happier than I have ever been. But first you must have the courage and passion to follow them, even if they make no sense, even if others call you crazy. And maybe you have to be a little crazy to take the path of your dreams, no matter what others think or say. Maybe you have to be just a little crazy to find that kind of peace and happiness.

So let the naysayers have all the negativity. You will be too busy being happy to even notice what others are saying anyway.

The Last Day

We all have those times when we look around and realize that it is the last day…of high school, of college, of a particular career, of many things in life. It is the end. And there is a new beginning that awaits.

Today is it. The last day…of my 30’s.  And looking back, it has been a great decade.  And I have learned so much. And I have worked hard and accomplished much. I think that the decade of my 30’s was working hard and establishing myself – my personality, my career and talent, my writing, myself. Now, entering into my 40’s, I have nothing to prove to anyone. Been there, done that. And they can kiss my bum if they don’t like it.

My 30’s truly were magnificent. And I say goodbye to them fondly.  When I think back, I smile. Some of my best times have been in this decade. Some of the worst times too, but all in all the good has far outweighed the bad.

I have been in NYC, had trips of a lifetime. I have dined in some of the finest restaurants in my 30’s. I have enjoyed being flown in private planes, for private weekends in the Bahamas. I have held and stolen kisses. I have worked hard, traveled well, had money and been completely broke (having money is better, btw). I have been naive and been very smart. I have been the outcast and the toast of the town\, been the object of praise and scorn. I have cried tears of joy and of immense sorrow.

And I have done it all my way. I have kept true to myself, my integrity and my code of honor. And I am proud of this. Many cannot say the same. And the mistakes that I have made? Well, they just made me smarter. The people who have hurt me? They just made me better and stronger.

And so here I am. On the eve of my 40^th birthday, and I know the next ten years will be even better than the last. And I truly cannot wait for the adventure, memories that will be made, truths that will be discovered and told, and smiles and laughter that will be had, good times all the wonder of life. Bad times? Oh, I am sure there will be a few mixed in there, but I am not worried.

And aging? Forgetaboutit! Father Time and I made a deal a long time ago, that I would only get better with age. Like a fine wine. And so, those tiny wrinkles? Those little laugh lines? Even gravity…they do not scare me. I am Ada. I am a Burch. I am my Father’s daughter. I am my Mother’s daughter. And I am about to be 40. And so I say to life:

Take my hand and let’s jump right in!

To Love and Be Loved

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”  ― Lao Tzu

More than anything, our lives are about love. It is what we search for, cave, need and if we do not have it in our lives, we are surely very miserable. And the love of which I speak is not just romantic love, though we do search for that as well. I speak of love in general – love of family, love of friends, mates, companionship, even pets. We seek, more than anything in our lives, to love and be loved on all levels.

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And if we are really lucky in life, we find these loves. And if we are really, really lucky, we find them and have them all at the same time, all the different  loves and all the different levels.

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And still some ask whether it is better to love or be loved. But I ask why? Why not accept that you can have both, and be both loved and love others?

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This is where I find myself to day.  as I look around this weekend, the weekend before my 40th birthday, as I look at all my dear friends family and loves, I realize how lucky I truly am. To have all those I love around me, and who love me too, is an amazing thing indeed. And to have all this love around me as I enter into another decade, is truly amazing.

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This weekend has been celebrating the many blessings in my life, with the many people who I am blessed to have in my life. And truly this birthday, and this next decade will be amazing, because of them. This weekend has been filled with wine, food and love. Stories, dirty jokes, conversations by fireplaces, tall tales, laughter tears of joy, many toasts and so much more. Cooking and talking in the kitchen, hugs, kisses, long late night conversations, holding hands and celebrating LIFE.

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And this I can say, to love this much and be loved this much in my life, is .wonderful. They are my heart and my soul, my loves, my hope, my dreams. They are the light that makes life brighter and the giggle in my heart. I am the luckiest and happiest girl indeed! And I cannot wait for what this next year, the next 10 years, the next 20 years…bring! My life and my heart are so full, that I cannot imagine life being any better. My dreams have come true.

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But that is what loving and being loved does to you.

The Young and the Proud

Birthdays. They are special and are much fun to celebrate. Yesterday was my oldest nephew’s 22^nd birthday and I took him out for our traditional birthday dinner.

And as we sat, ate and talked, I looked at him, this young man, and realized how proud I am of him. He has grown up to be a fine young man – honest, hard-working, super intelligent, funny and just a good guy, He treats women with respect and courtesy, he does not take advantage of people, he follows his sense of right and wrongNow, he does have his faults, as does everyone, but I am so proud of who he has become.

Before we left for the restraint, I watched him explain some homework to his roommate, and he was so good at breaking things down to a level that is understandable. Jeeze, he can get me to understand quantum physics, and that is no small deed so he must be good.

And I just wanted to hug him and keep him at this age, or at least take a photo in my mind so I could always remember this day and time with him. I remember when he was just a baby, starting to walk, but still hanging onto the table for stability. That little finger that would get into everything. His first day of school and how he grew up with many of the friends with whom he graduated. His adolescence and all the awkward stages that we all go through. His 18^th birthday, when he was an adult. His 20^th birthday when he was no longer in his teens. His 21^st birthday, when I bought him  his first beer, and now he is 22. So many stages and trails, so many projects and tests.

There was his trip to Alaska, his building of robots, his Skills USA competition, his theory on why a time machine could never be built, his friends he has had all of his life and how much they mean to him, his disappointments and things that made him happy and excited. Going to the first open house with him at the school he now attends.

We went to the open house and then I took him to a nice dinner. Afterward we went to a restaurant that spins so he could see the Atlanta skyline properly. There was a cheerleading convention in town that weekend, and the entire downtown area and the restaurant had thousands of attractive cheerleaders running around in their uniforms, He looked at me bright eyed and innocent and declared that he loved Atlanta. I just laughed.

Being there for him is the best thing I have ever done in my life.  It is so special to see a young man grow into someone whom you are so proud. It has been an honor and a privilege to watch him develop into this magnificent human being. And I hope there are many birthdays to come

The Best Things About Winter

There are many things to love about Spring, with all the warm weather and new leaves. Summer is the season of fun and fall is when we finally cool down and enjoy the colors of the leaves. But what about winter? I think this season gets a bad reputation. Don’t get me wrong, i do hate to be cold, but winter is wonderful. Don’t think so? Just read continue reading.

hibernation: Suffering from a bit of overexposure after all the summer pool parties and fall festivals? Winter is the time to relax, rejuvenate and hibernate. Read a good book, watch your favorite movies, do those home projects you’ve been putting off. It gets dark sooner so it’s perfect for sleeping. And girls, take a break from shaving…yes! (girls, don;t even try to deny it, you know you’ve done it) We can also gain a few pounds since we’ll all be covered up on sweaters anyway. So go ahead, have that extra piece of pie. Yum!

Warm blankets and hot chocolate: They just go together like peanut butter and jelly. Wrap up in something soft and warm and drink that wonderful hot chocolate to heat you up from the inside out. Maybe even put a little Baily’s in it for some extra snap. Warm fuzzy socks are also great for the season. Along with warm, soft sweaters that guys love to see us girls wearing. Just be careful if you are a klutz like me and try not to spill really hot chocolate all over your favorite sweater…or your favorite guy.

Christmas lights and holidays: We get a lot of time off during the winter and see family (which, lets face it, can be good or bad). In between saying hello to creepy Uncle Bob and Dodging Aunt Nancy, we may find ourselves catching up with family we actually love and miss. We get to go shopping, sing Christmas carols and see all the wonderful Christmas lights. To me, they are magic. I love them and they make me happy. And if you don’t like the holidays…then boo to you! I’ll talk to you in the Spring thaw.

Fireplaces: Not too much beats the warmth and great sound of a fire. And I love to hear that wonderful crackle. Unfortunately, I have a gas fireplace, not a log burning one. It’s jsut not the same…Roasting marshmallows, having a glass of wine, laughing and long conversations are all made perfect by the fireside. Just remember, don’t drink too much by the fire…or you may fall in (not that that has ever happened…)

Snuggle weather:  One of the best things about winter. Cold nights make for wonderful snuggling, and what better excuse to get cozy with that cutie you have a crush on than to keep warm? From cold nights to sitting by the fire to kissing in the snow…winter is made for love. As long as you don’t have the flu or have been near anyone who has been close to anyone who has the flu.

Boots: Nothing says winter like a great pair of boots for the season. And guys, you know you love when we wear them too. And they are made for walking away quickly should you encounter anyone with the flu.

Snow: Here in the south we don’t get that much snow, but when we do it’s a lot of fun…as long as you don’t have to drive in it. You don’t have to work and you can just stay home, make snow angels and snow men. And if it doesn’t snow this year, I plan to take a trip to the mountains to play. It is my goal to be kissed in the snow this year as well. I just have to find some mistletoe.These are just some of the great things about winter. As the season goes along I am sure there will be many more things to list. So get out those warms blankets and soft sweaters.

The Perfect Storm

They are calling it the perfect storm, Sandy, as it is predicted to hit the East Coast early next week. I say prayers for those in the path of the storm. I know many people on the East coast from living in New York for almost 3 years (jeeze, that seems like a lifetime ago). Aside form the fact that it is a hurricane and they are predicting a Billion dollars worth of damage, it makes me think of how much I love when it storms. Indeed, most of the time, when bad weather moves through, it is indeed, the perfect storm. And I love it.

I am a big fan of sunny, warm, wonderful beautiful weather, but there is also something wonderful about when a storm rolls through.  I love falling asleep to the sound of the rain and will oftentimes open the windows before going to bed. The smell of the rain is delicious. Then to slowly wake up to the sound of the rain, then drift back to sleep, then slowly wake up, is wonderful too. I love when it rains on a Saturday or Sunday morning. And being kissed in the rain is like a slow motion dream that makes my knees weak.  But the best, by far, is making love when it is raining. Hearing the rain against the window pain while in your lovers arms, looking in their eyes. Amazing moments.

And at night, if the lights go out with a power outage, to me was always fun. You get the candles and flashlights, snuggle up in a blanket and just “be.” there are no distractions – no TV, no games, no nothing. And again, to loose power when you are with your partner is an excuse to get close, snuggle and have those late light conversations you wish would never end.

I have been on the water when a storm has come in, and that is truly amazing. To watch the lighting dance across the water is magnificent, and a reminder of God and Nature’s power.  When you are on the water, many times you hear the storm rolling in before you can actually see it. Sound carries on the water, so you hear the drops hit and it gets louder as the storm gets closer. Then you may start to see the lighting, feel the wind, smell the rain and taste the moisture as it is coming. It’s hardto describe, but if you have ever felt it, it’s a tangible change that you sense in your bones and you just know.

Maybe I also love the rain because it washes everything away, and when it is done, all is clean and green.  A metaphor for the soul, so let it rain and wash away all the old, all the worn, all the dust and dirt away.

I remember as a little girl, my father and I sitting outside, watching the sky light up and dance with lighting bolts during electrical storms, or just as a bad storm was blowing in.  I guess that began my fascination with storms. Even now, I have a hard time staying in, or not being glued to a window watching the sky.  I hope to be a good enough photographer to photograph lighting one day.

And as I check the weather forecast in my area, I let out a sigh – 0% chance of rain for the next 10 days. Oh-well, I guess I will just have to settle for the wonder and beauty of the full moon with clear skies on Monday.

The Goals

The Goal Board is complete and it feels good. There is something about putting my life in order, having goals and such to work toward. Along with pictures of what I want to do in the next year, there are quotes that mirror what I want to be and what I need to work on personally. What are my goals for the next year? To do more photography, to re connect with friends that I have not had the time to see and talk to in the past year because of life, I want to go horseback riding, go zip-lining, do something new like what water rafting or such. I want to knit, and be at Peace enough to be still. And I can’t wait to knit my loved ones blankets.

In addition, I am working towards Peace, Grace, wisdom and patience. So there are also quotes such as”

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill” – Buddha

“Ask God for Confidence to slay any giants in your life that have set themselves against God’s plan for you”

“Your work is to discover your world and the with all your heart, give yourself to it” – Buddha

I like these quotes because one of the things I need to work on is not forcing a situation, not being defensive, taking a breath and backing off.  While the last relationship would not have worked because he was just divorced, I did make mistakes. When I saw him backing away and I and the relationship were not a priority, I should have said nothing and completely backed off, instead of freaking out and being clingy. Clingy is not sexy. Had I been in a healthy emotional space, I would have done exactly that. Insecurity and being defensive is not sexy or healthy. So this is changing now, not waiting until next year.

I did sneak a bit about love in there. Two people holding hands because I don;t need anything fast, I need slow.  I got into trouble with the last two and allowing myself to fall quickly. Never again. I do want to be in love, lots of kisses in the rain, snuggling on the couch, holding hands and such, I must remember to go slow so I do not get burned again. So just friends and companionship…get to know and see if friendship grows from there. I should have done that in the last relationship when it was offered, but I didn’t know how.

I am excited about my goals for the next year. The rest of 2012 is going to be great, and 2013 will be wonderful. And one of the things is to take more pictures, so here they are.

My Goal Board

My Goals: Be calm, breath, be patient, back off. There are times to be quiet and still

The section representing me getting back to my happy and healthy self.

I want to learn in the next year: Knitting, being still, zip lining, rafting, horseback riding and Photography

Good advice for me…and just letting go in general.

Gives me Peace to know

About my writing

Don’t forget to enjoy life with all your heart and take chances.

 

Bliss

We all need downtime, alone time, me time. what ever you call it, we all need it every now and then. That that is what this weekend has been for me.  I have, in the last two months, dealt with my father being in the hospital 3 times and nearly dying twice, a break up, a friends suicide attempt, the kicking out the roommate from Hell, a new wonderful job, the possibility of dating again, traveling almost every weekend down to be with family and …I think that’s it. Whew!  I am exhausted. And I took this long weekend as a chance to re acclimate and get back to balanced.

Some people think I am out of town, others know I am here taking some quiet time.  And it has been wonderful. I have cleaned out everything, and completely reclaimed my house, I have danced around the house, sung at the top of my lungs, cooked home cooking, eate4d way more than I should, played with my cats, rested, napped and snoozed. I have watered plants, read books, watched movies and favorite TV shows. I have not left the house except to go to the grocery store.

And it feels so good. To slow down, to be selfish and say I need this time for myself. To enjoy my own company – after all, if we can’t be in our own company, how can we expect anyone else to?  Take care of things around the house and just take time to feel peaceful. To let all that stress melt away, to enjoy my favorite things without interruption.

Sometimes the best celebrations are the ones which happen quietly, within ourselves. Yes, this time and this celebration is exactly what I needed.

And I have not been writing…I have taken a bit of a break from that too. As much as I love writing, sometimes I must take a step back from that too. To take a break from the constant flow of thoughts expressed through words, typed to written out has been good for my brain and has brought clarity.

And I have found bliss. Bliss in my own life and my own thoughts. Bliss in the fact that I am enough – just me. Bliss in the fact that when I return from this weekend of my own company, my family and friends will be there waiting  for me, their arms and hearts open. But I am not quite ready to come back yet. Maybe just one more day…

Loneliness

Many people assume that if you are alone that you are lonely. The two are not synonymous. I have been on my own for 20 years now, but have only a few times ever felt lonely. But it was very uncomfortable…like a distant longing someone where deep in the soul. Kind of like hearing a train whistle in the dead of night, with no other sounds around.

Recently several people I know have said they are staying with whom they are with not out of love, but because they do not want to be alone, they do not want to be lonely. And the thought makes me sad for them. I think this happens a lot on life though. I hope no one would stay with me because they simply didn’t want to be alone. I want who ever is with me to be there because they love me, and because they are happy.

I think when we base decisions on fear, such as fear of being alone, we end up making mistakes. And we could possibly miss out on someone who would otherwise be the love of our lives.

This is not to say I have not struggled with isolation. I have. But it is a bit different than the typical…but then when have I ever been typical? My struggle comes from the fact that I am so used to being alone, so used to doing things myself, that I often find it hard to connect with others. I love people, and I have a lot of friends, though only a handful are very close (and I like it that way). I do not feel the need to have a lot of people around to distract me from inner demons and issues. Those have long been dealt with and put to bed.

Where I get into trouble is that now that I have decided not to be alone anymore, that I am looking for something more than just a life for myself in which to build, I have a tendency  to go overboard with the connection. I try to force it. Think of someone who is a bit in experienced…they try too hard sometimes. And that is what I do. The bottom line is that you cannot force the heart. And either a connecting is there or is isn’t.

I was reminded of that several months ago when I met someone and WOW, it nearly knocked me off my feet. Instant connection and very strong. And if anything, the problem was trying to stop that connection. It was there whether or not we talked or communicated. I did not have to do anything. This taught me a valuable lesson (well, many if I am honest). While it was very hard to walk away from such a connection, I learned that you don’t have to do anything per say, when it is there organically.

In this day and age of force it if it doesn’t fit and reality TV stars showing us how to manipulate things and people to get what you want…is there such a thing as just letting it happen naturally? Yes, I think so. And that is for what I strive. It takes trusting yourself though. It takes being very secure in yourself and the world around you. It takes patience and it takes confidence. 

The man I felt that wonderful connection to will not be the last man I feel that with in my life. And I think we forget that. There are so many people, yet  our world shrinks and we forget how young we are, and how many chances we have each day to meet someone special.  How many chances we have to connect with another.

So my next assignment, is to let things unfold naturally. To sit back and relax, so to speak. I do not have to do anything to “force” a connection. I am not lonely, though I am looking for a relationship. I can wait however long it takes to find that right one. And so can everyone else. So lets all just take a deep breath and …relax.

My Little Confession

It is a confession that may come as a surprise to some of you, but I think those that are the closest to me may already know or at least have a strong suspicion. And now, after reading a blog my sister sent me (http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2010/09/15/when-is-it-okay-to-use-the-f-word/), I have the courage to tell the world. I am a closet F-word user. That’s right, I love the word, though I dare not use it (out loud) on a regular basis.

And I don’t mean using it when I stub my toe or get aggravated at my computer. No I mean “Lovely fucking weather we are having, isn’t it?” kind of thing. My love affair with this word started back in radio, when I worked mainly with men. I got into the habit of using it in regular conversation…and loved it. When I got out of broadcasting and into a more corporate environment, I had to keep it to myself – it is not professional or classy to drop that word in everyday conversation. And I am a lady….a lady who loves to say the f-word.

Now, there are rules, even for using it often and every day. I do not believe you should ever say it to someone when you are mad at them. To be cussed at like that shows an extreme amount of disrespect and it just is not nice. Fighting is the time to stop cussing, not start. No cussing around children or the elderly. Again, respect should be given to these groups. I can’t cuss around my parents. Aside from the fact that my mother would still put me on restriction and send me to my room, I just could not disrespect them like that. No cussing in hospitals, restaurants, libraries, or museums, unless it is very soft where others cannot hear. You never know when children or someone older may be close, and they may not want to hear it. Plus to do so in public like that does, I believe, show a lack of class.

But outside of that, I really like to let it rip. I often say the word silently in my head as I speak to others at work…though I have let it slip out a few times. It is like I am being a bad girl, even if I don’t always say it out loud. It’s like my dirty little secret – my secret little potty mouth. Except when I have had a few too many classes of wine…well, or tequila, or vodka, or alcohol period. Then my secret little potty mouth isn’t so secret anymore and I use the f-word indiscriminately and with total abandon. And I fucking love it.

And when you say it you should say it with passion. Don’t just waste the use of such a great word. There are so many ways it can be creatively inserted into life. Such as:

• That’s fucktastic!
• I have a fuck-ton of work to do.
• Wow, fuck duck, in a truck.
• Fuckityfuckfuckfuck!
• For mcFuckins sake!
• congatufucklations!
• He’s Dr. McFuckUp
• Absofuckinglutely
• Ms. Mcfuckalot
• Mr. McFucky-Pants
• fucklings
• fuckocrates
• it’s a fucktation
• Let’s go for a fuck-a-about
• fucktivation
• fucktically incorrect
• fucklationships
• fucktimental
• a fucktasm
• {insert your own here}

Yes, it can be such a fun game to see just how many words you can unsert the f-word in. Great for playing while waiting at the DMV, standing in a long line at the grocery store, or when in that long meeting at work.

Maybe cussing could be categorized as one of my vices, maybe even an addiction. It makes me feel good, because it makes me feel like I am being just a bit bad. Flipping the proverbial finger at those popper types. I obey the laws of the land, I have social graces and can carry myself in almost every kind of situation with grace and ease. I pay my taxes, don’t cheat in poker, I don’t drink too much (usually) or do drugs, I drive within the speed limit (mostly) and can be considered quite boring.

So it feels so good to come out and confess that I love the f word. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Oh yes, my hair and nails may be done, my clothes and shoes may look great, but get too fucking close and you may hear quite a few colorful bits come out of my mouth. Now it’s not a dirty little secret anymore. So thanks for reading and ya’ll have a nice fucking day!

Your Inner Being

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” Hafiz

As this weekend and Mother’s Day comes to a close, my body  is tired but very joyful. I found this quote in one of my mother’s many books, and it was meaningful to me. The past 6 weeks have been very difficult for many I know. This quote reminded me that no matter how dark times seem to be, that we all have it in us to rise above and become better human beings.  That our spirit is true and strong, and we possess, in the deepest place of ourselves, everything we need to make it through.

I think we forget that sometimes, in the rush of life, work, parenting and just living. It is true that no man in an island, and we all need others, but we are truly magnificent. Each one of us, in our own way. So many people I have met in my life, people I have loved dearly with my whole heart, some which I miss very much and think of often, were so un-aware of how amazing they were. I have met many who I were truly awe inspring. Whether it was their strength, their wit, their kindness, insight, generosity, musical talent, ability to make others laugh…countless things really, they all had a light that was shining so bright. I could spot them from a thousand miles away, and do still.

But can we, in our limited knowledge and scope, see our own brightness? I don’t think so. I think we can be aware of it, but we cannot see it, we are too close. And yet, I wish those who have brightened my life and world could see how much they have to give and offer. I can only hope that those who are in their lives now can show them make them aware of truly help them feel it. There are just some people who come into your life, and just by walking in and sharing a bit of themselves, change your life forever, for the better.  And to meet them is truly breathtaking, but seeing a shooting star often is.

 

My Addictions and Vices

A good girlfriend of mine and I were talking last night about our addictions and vices. Everyone has them…those things that get us through, that we cannot live without. Here are mine.

Chocolate: Addiction. No big surprise here, I am a girl. There just is nothing quite like good chocolate ice cream, or biting into a truly decadent piece from Godiva. Or my absolute favorite, a Cadbury Cream Egg. Truly amazing and something I absolutely cannot live without. I must have it.

Music: Addiction. I blame this addiction on my parents, as I learned it from them.  They always had music playing when I was a child. Whether classical, rock/pop or country, it was always around. And then I got into radio…a place to feed that addiction to music and make it grow even bigger. There I was right in the middle of everything. And it was wonderful.

Musicians: Vice, bordering on addiction. I love musicians, always have. Not the scruffy, starving, I think I can almost play a guitar type. I mean the real deal, the ones who truly have it in their soul and truly are talented and play beautifully. I seem to have a thing for guitarists and piano players. I just love watching them play, it is like magic.

Wine: Vice. I am not sure if it is the wine, or everything that comes with it and surrounds it. There is nothing like having a really good glass of wine while I soak in a bubble bath. A glass of wine with dinner can make it truly a masterpiece, or just enjoying a glass of wine with great conversation. It could be with my best friends, or a man, either way, I love wine.

Kisses: Vice. Though if a man is really good, it could become an addiction. And I especially love being kissed in the rain. The. Best. Love those slow, sensual kisses, that are almost in slow motion. A girl doesn’t get kissed like that often, and when she does, she remembers it (that would be a big hint guys). And I love when a man either cups your face in his hands, or brings his hands around the back of my neck and grabs a bit of my hair. A good kiss and I am nothing but quivering jello.

Writing. Addiction. I have to write. Almost every day. If I do not get my fix, I am crabby and just feel off. Sometimes I have writers block and may go a few days without writing anything, then others times (like now when it just pours out of me. I cannot control it and I could not stop if I wanted.  Even when I do not write publically, I have on online journal and a handwritten journal as well. I am always writing.

Romance: Vice. Whether it is a sappy chick flick, or a man I am dating giving me flowers and saying cheesy things, I love romance. Because I am a sap. No matter how I try to deny it, there it is, staring me in the face.

Men with facial Hair: Addiction. It is sexy and manly…and a man who knows how to use it is deadly. The best thing? When they run their facial hair all over my body (did I just write that out loud??). OMG. Heaven. And there is a little spot on my neck, that  will make my knees go weak. I get chills.

My Smart Phone: Addiction. If I am away from my phone for too long, I suffer separation anxiety. I don’t know why, but I have to have my smart phone with me at all times. Even if it is off, or on silent, it still must be close.

Books: Addiction. Again, blame this one on my family who started this addiction with me from an early age. Everyone in my family reads. And growing up, my mother read to us and had more books than a public library. Books give me comfort and make any room feel warm and welcoming, I think. And there is nothing like curling up with a good book on a cool rainy day.

Yes, for good bad, or indifferent, these are things that make my life a better place. That help me get through the day, and help me function. These things  make me happy, keep me There are other things, like prayer, Faith, God, family, love, my friends, but those are necessities.  Now excuse me, I have some chocolate that needs attention.

Easter Reajustments

Easter has always been a very spiritual time and this year was no exception. We were all tired from a very hard emotional week and all of us rested, talked, cried, cooked, laughed, ate and celebrated together. Pictures were taken, little chicken peeps were held, eggs were gathered, neighbors were welcomed. Normally the family gets up early for the Sunrise Easter Service, but this year we worshiped by being thankful for everyone being present and alive. This Easter was Sacred. Hugs were held just a little longer, and no chance to say I love you was passed up.

And as I watched the love and affection that flows so easily from my parents, I looked down on their wedding band on my finger. I am blessed to have such an example of love and family. And I want to pass that on to my children. I also took stock in my life and the recent events that played out. I am not going to date for a while…my poor heart needs a break. And I should not bring issues into the next relationships from the last. Also, I want a man who wants a family, because I want a family. He could already have children, we could have children or a combination of both, but this is what I want. And it is not a biological clock thing, it is a finally, I am ready to share my life and build something more thing. But first my heart needs rest.

So for the next while I will focus on love of a different kind – love of Friends, love of Family, love of God and love of Faith.

Yes, sometimes life gives you curve balls, and you must re adjust. You may cry, vent, talk, write, whatever to get it out of your system, but in the end, you calm down and readjust. You Pray, you focus, you enjoy the moments before you…and you take baby steps. And before you know it, those baby steps have taken you across miles of road, and you look up and see how far you have come. I look forward to that day.

Spring Cleaning

There is a phenomenon going on around the nation. It is called Spring Cleaning; the ritual of cleaning out the old and stuffy, airing out what became stale over the winter, to be replaced by clean, new and fresh. Why does this take place?  I don’t know. Maybe it is attached to a long ago instinct to nest for the upcoming life Spring promises, maybe it is just because we are restless and have a bit of Spring Fever. Or maybe it’s just an excuse to go shopping and clean out the garage. Whatever reason, it certainly is the season.

And as I clean, dust, vacuum, map, straighten and organize, I also take stock. I take stock in my home , my life, and my purpose. My home would be called humble by many standards. A small but mostly tidy town-home, with enough room for all my clothes, an office, and a  my nephew’s room. But more than the space, or even the contents of my home, are the wonderful memories that live here too. The home is actually owned by one of my best friends, and I spent many nights here before moving in. Much laughter, tears, game watching, movie watching, drunk nights (her boyfriend was a great bartender) and more have been here. Memories in every room, both with family and friends. There isn’t a single corner of this home that I do love.

My life is great right now. I have everything I have wanted in this  moment. There are many more things to accomplish, career and personal things, but my life is thus far, fulfilled. I am a whole person, with a whole heart. I have great friends, a wonderful family, I have a career I love where the possibilities are endless and budding relationship with an amazing man.  My life,  my heart, has the capacity to hold much more, because of what I have let go. And in that letting go, I have found my life, returned to me, even brighter than it was before.

A good friend once told me that your purpose is very different from your career. My purpose is, and has always has been, to help and council others. To give of myself and serve. I have served my family well, as I have taken care of  my nephew when he needed me, and my parents this summer when my father had cancer and was getting treatments. I have prayed that I have something larger than myself  in which to give and build. Something more important than just me. I have a suspicion that I have been given that chance to serve. And now I pray for guidance that I serve well, if that is they way God has chosen the answer to manifest. And I am thankful.

This year Spring Cleaning means much more than just dusting off and freshening up. It is the realization that the life I have built thus far is a good one. There have been trails and hard times along the way, and no promises of what may lie ahead, but I have Faith and Hope that everything good is close at hand. And I am excited, for the first time in a long time, for what may be around the corner, at seeing how life will take shape. Family, friends, career, love and life, are all good right now in the sweet moment of Spring.

He’s Just Not That Into You

Over the years, many have come to me for dating advice. Maybe it is because I don’t sugar coat it. Recently several friends have talked to me about guys who just…didn’t seem to follow through. It is a mystifying behavior that seems to plague men all over the world, but to me it is actually quite simple. Here is what I told them.

I am really big on the “He’s Just not the into you” theory. Bottom line is, men don’t play hard to get, so if a man is interested in you, he will pursue you. None of this “I’ll call you”, and then he doesn’t, none of the, “I’ve just been really busy” excuses. I have dated a lot of busy men…and they have never been too busy to pursue me. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if he is not contacting you – by text, email, phone, IM, whatever…then he is just not that interested and you need to move on.

One of my good friends recently was confused when a man who was pursuing her quite persistently, suddenly stopped. As in practically cold turkey. A few text, but that was about it. No lunch or dinner invitations, no real phone conversations, nothing. I told her one of two things happened. A) either he decided he is not interested or b) he is more interested in someone else. Ouch.

Another friend told me that a guy she had been seeing had text messaged her a few times, said he liked her and said wanted to keep seeing her…but never actually got around to asking her out again. No phone calls, no emails…so if this has happened to you, please refer to the above paragraph. If he is saying how much he likes you, but not actually doing anything to show you, no dates or communication …he is either not interested, or is just keeping you as an option if things don’t work out with the girl he is currently pursuing. Ouch.

No matter how sweet he is, no matter how charming, if he is not actually acting interested…then he isn’t. And that hurts the ego a bit. But it is just a fact of life. It is disappointing when someone you liked, or thought you might like, doesn’t pursue. But men are the pursuers, and they go after what they want. I personally like men who are bold in their moves and pursuit of me. It cuts through the clutter. So if a man is not pursuing, it makes it that much easier to tell it is time to delete his info from my phone. Harsh? Not really. I wish them well in their future pursuits, no harm, no foul. I just don’t want my phone to get cluttered.

Guys are pretty simple creatures and they don’t like confrontation. Maybe that explains why some just fade away leaving a girl confused instead of actually saying the obvious. If a man really likes you, he will pursue you – period. Because he will not want you to get away. And if he is not pursuing you…then he doesn’t like you enough. So move girls. But don’t worry, because when you are not giving your time to someone who isn’t interested, you suddenly have time for the man who is.

So that is pretty much my advice on the matter. Actions speak louder than words so girls don;t waste you time on a guy who isn’t acting interested.  So guys, if you are interested in a girl, then let her know. Because of you don’t, she just may accept a date from another man who was faster on the dial  – or text, or email…

Happy Home

We all have those times, or maybe it’s just age, where we are just happy at home. It is a Saturday night, I have several invitations for activities, and yet I am happy at home.  Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy going out, catching up with friends, nice dinners, a night dancing, live music and such. But lately, I have graciously declined many of these invitations for the option to stay at home, read, watch some TV, work on projects, or have a small group of friends over. And these day I seems to favor smaller get togethers rather than large ones.

And it is true, I will see a friend this week at a small happy hour get together, but passed on her invitation to attend her large birthday party tonight. Maybe it is due to the fact that I am redefining myself socially, reshaping my group of friends and the kind of people I have in my life. Maybe it is because of many things.  Maybe that is because while I know many, many people, I only have a small group of close friends. Reguardles of the reason however, there truly seems to be no place like home. I cooked a great meal, shared it with family, watched a little TV, laughed a lot, did some house work, and a lot of talking. And right now, that is just heaven. Right now, happiness is grounded in home family and faith.

Valentine’s

I wasn’t going to do it. I wasn’t going to post a Valentine’s Day Post. But, being who and what I am, I cannot resist. Valentines Day….a day that brings joy and fear in many. For me it has always brought a sense of joy. Because for me Valentines is a celebration of love, love that is all around us.

So many people think it is about the romance and being a couple, maybe that is why the day strikes fear and dread in so many. But not me. For me, it is about those long talks late at night with your best friend. It is those glasses of wine, laughter, stories and smiles. It is telling my Mom I love her dearly, and hearing my Dad’s voice on the other end of the phone, familiar, strong, and wonderful. It is hearing my sister tell me, hearing the excitement in her voice, the surprise she has planned for her husband.

It is helping my nephews and knowing that they know, they have an aunt, who will be there for them no matter what. It is baby sitting for a friend and her husband, so that they may finally have a night out after the birth of their first child. It is changing diapers and playing with squeaky toys, until there are wonderful, big smiles coming from that sweet little baby face. It is hearing her squeals of joy as I play tickle monster.

It is snuggling up, one Valentines night, with my best friend, her daughter and their cat and their dog, while watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the original), and eating caramel corn until our fingers are sticky. It is helping my best friend clean up the kitchen after her daughter is in bad and staying up catch up talking about the latest happenings in our lives.

It is the sweet smiles, text messages and emails to and from all of my friends.

Yes this Valentines I have a confession: I am in love…with my life. With my friends, with my family. And my heart has never been happier. So wrap the love of those around you like a warm, wonderful blanket. And make today a true celebration of love. Just look, it’s all around you.

The High Dive

Ever since I was a child I have always had a sense of adventure, a wanderlust for …life. I was four when my mother decided to enroll me in swimming lessons. We had a pool already and I was allowed to swim with my “floatties”, but I could not wait to really learn how to swim.  And I loved going to the swim lessons. But it was not the lessons I looked forward to as much as the reward for doing well in the lesson.

From the fist day I was memorized by what was called the high dive. Twelve feet up, it was so high and amazing. I knew I had to dive off of it. On the second day of lessons I finally got up the nerve to ask if they would let me. They said they had to ask my Mom first. They did and she (has since said) she swallowed hard and said if I wanted to do it, and thought I could, to let me try. One of the many reasons why I love her.

So at the end of the lesson, they said I could go. I was so excited that my entire 4 year old body was shaking. So I started up the ladder – straight up. But I didn’t care because up was magic. Up was freedom. And then, finally, after what seemed like climbing up forever, I was up at the top. And I walked out, to the very edge and it was breathtaking. All the instructors had formed a semi circle around where I would be landing in the water. They wanted to make sure I would be safe. My Mom watching (and later I learned, shaking) I took a breath and jumped.

I don’t remember hitting the water, but I do remember suddenly being and swimming underwater. It was magic. I remember swimming under all the instructors, looking up while underwater and thinking how funny their feet looked. And then I popped up behind them and surprised them. And every day that I did well in the swimming lesson, I was allowed to jump off the 12 foot high dive.

And that began my love affair with what if? And there have been many moments in my life, a few even recently, where I have been so excited that I shook. I don’t know where this sense of adventure comes from. But there has also always been a drive inside me, almost instinctual, to keep going and pushing beyond what you think is possible.  A passion to succeed at whatever is decided. To ignore the odds and just go for it.

I have said it many times before, life is the adventure you make it. Be free with your curiosity, take chances, love with all your heart, smile when you are happy, cry when you are sad, believe in others and in yourself and really live.

A Phone in Pictures

Recently my phone died. Yes it is true that I only got it at the end of August, but dropped it so many times the front was cracked and just not working properly. Poor thing never had a chance next to my clumsiness. So, it was time to transfer over all the information, including the pictures. I don’t look at the pictures that much so it was a nice review of a life with many adventures…

The Dishwasher Incident...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Formal Event with the Girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonderful picture of my Parents that is being turned into a painting. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beach in Barbados where I will again be returning soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dancing at a party

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So True! What I created an a friends fridge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My nephew - a good looking young man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A summer day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My cat high on catnip

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me after the whipped cream fight with my big sis - she won

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sailing on the ocean, where I will return again soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pumpkins!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nephew picking out a small pumpkin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Horseback riding - super fun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My desk at work, and no it's not enough coffee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A day at a vineyard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Asking and Start Listening

An interesting thing happened to me over the last few years.  I stopped listening to myself and started listening to everyone else.  I started asking other peoples opinions on what I should do about this or that, trusted that they were more experienced and knowledgeable than I. The funny thing about asking for advice is that people will give it to you. I sought advice from business savvy people, people who were good with people, people who did PR or were professional organizer. And when their advice went against what my own thoughts, I assumed I was wrong.

But no one has more experience in my life than I do. So why, I wonder, did I search for answers on the best way to live my life from others? I was always raised to trust my gut instincts, no matter what anyone else says. So again, why I sought outside advice is now quite a mystery.

What I now know is that I was getting a lot of bad advice, because I did not trust myself enough to know that I knew best. Now I have made sure to separate myself from those bad advice givers, and I have gotten closer to me. I am listening more to myself, and my gut, and what I think. It is truly amazing how much my life and outlook has improved once I stopped listening to everyone else, and started listening to me.

You cannot be normal and lead an extraordinary life. So why would I listen to normal people?  My life has opened up so much more since I started listening to me. And I am happier now, more confident, more in control now, than I have been in a long time. What I have learned is that I do know best, especially when it comes to my life.  And who cares what others think? I live my life, not them. I live in my skin, not hem. I sleep at night…not them.

There is nothing wrong with getting advice, or getting an opinion of you are having trouble with making a decision. But trust yourself, and your gut, and your intuition. You are the only one qualified to make those decisions, so don’t hand the job to someone who can’t do it as good as you. Trust yourself. See that big smile on my face? Now you why. There is a country song about a happy girl, and  what the lyrics say is true: “And the sweetest thing that you’ll ever see, in the whole wide world, is a happy girl.”

And it feels wonderful too. Life is an adventure, your adventure, so stop asking, start listening and start living it.

Feeling the Foot of Life

 The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground. – Buddha

We all have certain things that we read that just hit home for it, strike a chord and make us feel something. Yesterday as I was looking through some quotes I saw this and it has just stayed with me, rattling around in my brain for the last 24 hours or so. It just struck me as very vital right now.

To me it means that we are not meant to be stagnant, we are meant to be learning, growing and feeling, always reaching beyond ourselves and our experience to learn more about this life and the world in which we live. We cannot truly feel ourselves until we feel, and are in touch with, the world around us. We feel the most ourselves, when we touch others, emotionally, spiritually, physically. And I think communication is at the heart of it. For everything we do, not just what we say, communicates something.

Finding someone to understand what we are communicating is very important, but so too is understanding the communication of others. Again, we feel the most ourselves, when we touch others. I think we do that by listening and perceiving communication from those around us. We all just want to know that we are understood and accepted. And how can we touch another in a more profound sense than to simply understand and accept them? This is easier said than done now doubt, because they must also complete with our own need to be understood, and heard.

Then lines get crossed, misunderstandings happen, communication shuts down and pretty soon, we are not feeling ourselves or the other person any more. It’s a vicious cycle. But if we just kept the simple yet deeply profound statement in our minds, maybe we could remember the simplicity of communication. The theory is simple, but the practice is intricate and complex.

I believe that we should always be curious, to always ask why or how. Exploring what is around us and being inquisitive about life is the key to growing. The familiar is comfortable, and ultimately where we go to recharge, but if we ever stop being curious, we stop learning.  If we stop learning we stop growing, and if we stop growing , we die. Maybe don’t actually die, but I think a part of our spirit does. And many times we stop short because of fear – fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood. What we forget is that in ourselves, in just the fact that we exist, we are perfect. And communication is not only educational but healing.

So  live life to the fullest and experience everything life has to offer. And many times that means shutting up, getting off the couch and learning to communicate. Truly interact with the complexities of life, digest them, deep within you, and your soul, to know that which you are capable. Life is a mystery and do we really have anything better to embark on the adventure of solving it?