AdaLamar's Blog

A Sassy Girls Guide to a Life of Wanderlust

My Name is Bobby Claus

Posted by adalamar on November 24, 2015

There is a wonderful book out there that tells a poignant  story about a an orphan, three mischievous boys, angels, and a Christmas tragedy. But things aren’t always as they seem and there are no coincidences in life. The compelling story takes you on a journey of laughter, heartache, discovery, innocence and hope.

The author is my mother, Genny Burch (yes, writing runs int he family) and My Name is Bobby Claus is her first book.

You can find Genny’s book on Amazon as well as other online retailers. Check out her website My Name is Bobby Claus for more information and how to order.

And please spread the word!

Bobby Claus

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What Dating a Good Man Teaches You

Posted by adalamar on November 23, 2015

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16 but ended up going on my fist date 3 months before my birthday. This was because the guy was moving out of state and my parents reluctantly allowed me to go. I am 42 now and have never been married. That’s a lot of dating. I have seen the good, bad and ugly of relationships. And I have learned a lot over the years.

My current boyfriend is amazing.  He doesn’t play games. He actually puts forth the effort and tells me, on a daily basis, that I am beautiful and amazing and totally worth it. I am thriving under the light of his wonderful attention and affection.  I wonder how I forgot that this is what dating is supposed to be, that this is how I am supposed to be treated? My current relationship is teaching me things that I didn’t realize I had forgotten. Like how I should be treated.

Somewhere along the way, dating became more of a game than a pleasure.  It seems that it’s about getting all that you can, when you can, while putting forth as little effort as you can.  When we women have men with this attitude from which to choose, we get discouraged by the lack of options and try to choose the lessor of many evils.

Ladies, Steve Harvey has it right – when a man really wants you, there will be no question. I think back to all those guys that used to drive me crazy making me wonder if they were really interested. Or that I was doing something wrong. Maybe that was the reason why they weren’t calling like they said they would, or didn’t seem interested, or would make an ambiguous date, then never follow through.

Stop wondering. Because if you have to wonder if he is interested, then the answer is No.  It doesn’t matter if you call or text him.  If he wanted to be with you, he would have already set up the date.

Easier said than done, right?  Because we are taught that if we have these high expectations, then we are demanding, and bitchy, and manipulative. No, we just know our worth.

I have had men who would text me (first of all, call the woman) and ask me to go out lunch that day…when I would accept and ask where…they wouldn’t respond. Until a few weeks later when it’s the same thing all over again. No, he didn’t get too busy, his phone didn’t break, he wasn’t sucked into a vortex where no communication was possible.  He just wasn’t really interested. So why text at all?  Who knows.  Maybe he wanted to keep that door open, or wanted an ego boost. He definitely didn’t want to go to lunch.

The guy I dated before my current boyfriend actually made me feel guilty if I even thought about asking him to help me with anything – He was healing from a woman who used him 3 years ago, so he couldn’t do anything for me.  I made the mistake of saying he could use my boat anytime he wanted if he would let me use his truck to pull my boat to the marina. I was promptly accused of making my boat and all maintenance his responsibility. If a man in interested in you, there will no excuses or strange accusations. If a man is interested, he will want to spend time with you, and he will care enough to help out when you need it.

My current boyfriend is amazing.  He sees projects that I cannot do myself, and he fixes them. I don’t even have to ask.  He just rented a Rug Doctor and cleaned the carpets in my house because my family is coming to visit.  And because he said I “should live in pretty.” Wow, what a difference.

I have dated men who refused to introduce me to any friends and family, while telling me how much they liked and cared for me.  My current boyfriend has introduced me to all of his friends and family. Because he wants me in his life, because he wants me to see from who and where comes. And he is interested in meeting my friends and family too. He wants to know my people. And a man who is truly  interested in you, will want to know your world and your people too.

There was a man who made a date on Easter with me….and was a no show.  Contacted me a few weeks later like everything was fine.  Then there are the guys who just wanted me to “come over and hang out”, but were never willing to drive to see me, or take me out.  Stay away from them, they are lazy and place no value on you or your time.

I think back on all the times I questioned if I was doing something wrong?  Women are taught that if you keep getting disappointed in dating, you are the one common factor.  So take a look in the mirror and find your fault. Well, it wasn’t me, it was them. Mostly. The only thing I wasn’t doing, in my worn and weary and discourage mindset, was remembering my worth. Because I didn’t want to seem demanding, or high maintenance, or bitchy, or unreasonable.

The man I am with now, expects me to know my worth, because he sees it every time he looks at me. And he makes sure I know how lucky he feels. And I am lucky too. Because finally, here is a man who sees what I didn’t see in myself for a long time. Dating a good man has reminded me that first and foremost, I am worth it.

Every day I am so very grateful that this wonderful man found his way into my life.

Because I am demanding, and high maintenance and bitchy and unreasonable…But only to those men who are not interested enough to do anything but put forth the least amount of effort possible.

And that is what dating a good man can teach you.

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Where the Magic Happens

Posted by adalamar on November 20, 2015

Home is where it happens. All the magic of life and family.  And this year I am counting on that magic to add to the wonderfulness of the holiday season.  This year I am hosting the family for Thanksgiving.  We all have our firsts in life, and this is one of mine.

To some this may not seem like a big deal, but to my large and very eclectic family its pretty big.  This is the first year that my parents are healthy and not suffering from cancer.  And this year everyone is in close proximity.  This is also probably the last year my nephews will be local. My oldest nephew is graduating college next month and who knows where he will end up.  The other two are going to school and working as well, but they all have off for the holidays this year.

It is the first time that the family will be gathering at my house.  In the past, we have all made it to our parents house.  But they are getting older and it is a lot of work for them to do all the cooking, cleaning and general preparation for such a family event.  I am hoping that it is a success, that everyone has a good time, even though it will be quite the adventure.  To understand the overtures of this undertaking, let me explain:

My parents are quite set in their ways.  They are great, wonderful, honest, hard working, loyal people.  But they can be extremely difficult to please.  And they both cannot be happy and comfortable at the same time.  You will go crazy trying to make that happen, trust this, I know. I have actually told them to choose each day of the visit who gets to be happy and comfortable, that way there is not constant complaining.  It works.

In the past visits, there have been complaints that the house is too cold (Dad likes the temp at 84-86), too hot (Mom likes it between 74-76) and neither of them like ANY air circulation, so no fans or such. The food is too spicy or too bland. And I live out in Egypt, s where I live is too far, from everything (I actually have the same complaint).

My mother smokes, but she hates smoking outside, mainly because it’s cold in the winter and she doesn’t like to be cold.  Once, in the House of Mold, she smoked on the screened-in-porch. When she got cold she insisted I bring her the warmest coat I owned…which happened to be a mink coat.  So there she is, sitting out in a screened-in-porch, in her pink fuzzy warm house slippers….smoking….in a mink coat. I would have taken a picture if I had not feared death. So I have set up a wonderful sitting area in the garage…along with 2 large, large room heaters, that each one would heat the small garage for most. There will be tables, chairs and a soft couch from which to choose.

My father, on his last visit, complained that he felt some small amount of air moving across his face. This air was coming from a closed air vent in his bedroom that was very suspect.  The threatened to sleep in the garage.  Instead I fixed a separate place for him upstairs in my office.  This time the bed in his room will be moved far away from that evil vent, thus avoiding the problem altogether.

Add to the mix my wonderful sister and her 2 sons.  Nothing much will happen with any of them, as they will be face-deep in their phones.  I will have to make a rule that there are no electronic devices at the table. My sister and Dad do speak the same language, sometimes I swear they have the same brain even. My youngest nephew smokes as well, so he will be in the garage with his grandmother, while we will try to keep the oldest from getting into a political discussion with my mother.  Liberal college kid views do not go over well with her  conservative mindset, and he is too young to be able to keep up with her quick wit (not kidding). I would prefer to save the fireworks for July 4th.

And everyone loves coffee. And wine. And food in general. And we can all gather next to the warm fireplace, when we are not out in the garage, hanging out with the smokers.  Or decorating the Christmas. Or asleep in our food comas.

And this weekend will be the flurry of getting the last bit ready…the deep cleaning (but not too deep, because my mother will need something to clean while she visits).  There will be dusting of things and cleaning of baseboards. Vacuuming, sweeping and mopping.  The cupboards are full of snacks and such, the throw blankets and sheets have all been swashed and are fresh and soft. There is music that has been picked out for the occasion.  It may be hard but it will be worth it.  Much laughter, love, great moments, memories and pictures.  And I will hug them just a little bit tighter, just a little bit longer.  This year, a year of so many wonderful things in our lives, and so many miracles.  And so much heartbreak and terror in the world.  Nothing like watching the news to make you hold your loves ones just a little closer.

And in those hugs, those moment and those memories, that is where the magic happens.

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CupGate: Thy Cup Runneth Over

Posted by adalamar on November 10, 2015

I love coffee, it is truly a gift from God.  And that helps me wake up and function without hurting anyone in the mornings.  Enjoying a cup of coffee can be done on a quiet cool morning on a patio, or with friends at a busy coffee shop (say, like Starbucks for example).  It is a pick me up in the afternoon when we hit that wall, college students live on it during finals and we, from all over, and of all vocations sing it’s praises.

And it’s the holidays, a traditionally festive time when we are kind to others, observe and give thanks or celebrate the Christmas spirit.  And then….

And then there was “CupGate”

As it turns out, nothing can upset the calm waters of a magnanimous holiday season as much as a cup of coffee. Literally. Or a store deciding to change their cup.  You would think they cancelled Christmas, or at least the pumpkin spice lattes. All of the sudden removing secular and pagan symbols for a religious and commercialized holiday from a disposable cup is an attack on Christianity.

Have we lost our minds?

And at what point does it end?  QT has BROWN cups during the holidays, they don’t even bother to change their cups for the season.  Oh, they must hate Christmas and Christians…and all religions as well now that you mention it. And what about Jews?  Does anyone even have a Chanukah Hanukkah cup? Are all companies who have never displayed a minora anti-Semitic?  What about Kwanzaa? Are all coffee shops racist now?  Satanism?  They have a Christmas celebration too…And we cannot forget Festivas, though I admittedly have no clue as to what a symbols are associated – and no, I am not anti-Seinfeld.

Is it possible that a red cup is just a red cup?  Personally, I would love a cup that says Merry Christmas on it. But there are so many other things to concentrate on in this world other than what is on my disposable coffee cup. Maybe we should just concentrate on being the best human beings we can be instead. Yes, I am a strong Christian.

Imagine if we did something as simple as practiced tolerance and vowed not to take everything personally so we didn’t get offended All. The. Time.  And if that coffee cup really offends you, why not give it to a homeless person.  I bet they won’t care about the color of the cup and will just be thankful that someone cared enough to think of them on a cold day.

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How to Enjoy Your to Do List

Posted by adalamar on November 9, 2015

It has rained for the past two weeks here, and today marks the start of the third week, the third rainy Monday.  The damp and cold air makes me, and many others I know, just want to snuggle down and stay inside.  It makes me pay attention to home.  You can’t really go out, so what else are you going to do?

In this day and age of the faster the better, go out, have fun, the more the merrier….there is something so wonderful about spending a quiet weekend at home, nesting about, enjoying the cozy.  Indeed, the fleece lined leggings and fuzzy warm slippers were well worn as I happily hummed about.  The laundry washed, folded and put away, floors cleaned, garage cleaned, kitchen and spare bedroom looks good.  Working hard to get those things checked off the to do list, while balancing the fine art of relaxing, resting and nestling in the covers.

Soon it will turn cold, at least for this part of the country.  The holidays are coming, with family, celebrations and lots of food.  Soon it will be time for winter hibernation – that time when it’s too cold to go outside for much, so inside becomes a cozy escape.  And this year I will have much to do while inside, keeping the house nice while crossing projects off the  ever growing to do list.

And I wonder, will it ever all be done?  Is there ever a day when we look up, and realize that we have completed that list?  That the projects are done, and we have nothing to do?  In a way I hope not.  Because that means we have stopped.  IN life, we must always be curious about our world and those in it.  Not to say that we can’t enjoy being still and quiet.  But we must never loose that zest and passion for life.  We must drink in those wonderful perfect moments, whether it’s sitting by a fire with a great book on a cold night, or hiking through the woods on a chilly morning, or cuddled up watching a movie with your sweetie, drink it up.  Enjoy it.

That to do list will always be there (probably).  While you’re at it, why not add a few things to that list?  Enjoy those moments, drink more hot chocolate, laugh more, watch a great movie, or better yet, wrap yourself in that blanket and good book.  Now that’s the kind of to do list that I would hope never ends.

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5 Ways Meditation Will Change Your Life

Posted by adalamar on November 9, 2015

Medication was something I thought only weird people did, but after a tumultuous 2014 I turned to meditation to fix my life, and it did. In 2014 I died an emotional death. So many things went wrong that made me emotionally numb. I had problems with my marriage, career, health, and finances that all came … Read more

Source: 5 Ways Meditation Will Change Your Life

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Break on Me

Posted by adalamar on November 6, 2015

It seems that the writing has slowed down as of late.  There is a difference this time because it is not writers block.  It is exactly the opposite.  Life is full and brimming and wonderful and joyful.  For the first time in many years, all is well in my world.  Oh, those ten pounds are still on my hops, but they are not really that big of a concern.  I’ll get around to getting to the gym. After the laughing, and wining and watching, and living and loving.

In this life, what happens when we fight tooth and nail to get back to happy and then we find that…we are there?  I don’t know, maybe everyone is different.  It certainly did not happen overnight.  Because rarely in life do things ever happen that quickly.  Most of the time, it takes a lot of work, a lot of blood, sweat. Tears and prayers.  And friends and wine and family and mistakes and steps. Oh so many steps, baby steps, leaps, bounds and hops.  And then, after sounds of l=miles, we see how far we have traveled because we realize that we have indeed made it to “B” from “”A”.

But here I am. I did it.

And life never stopped, the road was always there, the paths we took and trails traveled. And so there is a new project in this life, now that I have come out to the other side.  Things that I set out to do once upon a time.

Maybe it is time to break onto other areas and activities.  And this is where you will find me, in between the happiness and the joy, between the words that I haven’t said, but whisper, between the smiles and hopes and dreams and the all of everything.  Yes, that’s where I’ll be.  And I’ll see you there and this happiest of holiday seasons.

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The Art of Staying Put

Posted by adalamar on October 20, 2015

Be still and know that I am God

Many of us are familiar with  Psalm 46:10,   that says Be still and know that I am God.  To me this is saying be still and listen to the sound of God, listen to what the Voice of God is telling you.  And I have, especially in the dark times, prayed, been very still and listened for the answer. And it has always been there, somewhere, in a quiet place, in a quiet moment. And that voice has gotten me through man dark times.

But now that life is wonderful, do we still sit still?  Yes, I think we have to. This is especially hard for me on many levels. And as I still work to live a life of grace, it is something I struggle with on many days.

And in this time, it is beautiful thing. My life is brilliant and wonderful, after much hard work, lots of faith and even more prayer.  And I am loving every second of it.  But I must still work hard at stopping every now and then, and being very still, and listening.

And enjoying.  Yes, the rich, wonderful, joyousness that has surrounded me, all my prayers answered.  There has never been a time when I was not working hard to be better, do more, be more, working toward the goals that I have set for myself, within myself.

But here I find that I want to stay put, not move to the next moment, the next goal, the next accomplishment.  I want to stay right here, in the right now, in the deliciousness of all these moments with friends, family, with the man who makes my heart beat faster. I want to drink it in, soak it up and be immersed in this life.

But I also must take time to be silent and still, and hear the whisper that has answered prayers and soothed many tears in those dark days.  To breathe and enjoy, because there is nothing to run to or from, there is time to just be.  To relax. To Live. Yes, for the first time in this life, I am learning the art of staying put. And for that I am beyond grateful.

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Posted by adalamar on October 15, 2015

Homeostasis is defined as: the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent  groups of elements of an organism, population, or group, as maintained by physiological processes.

No matter how together you have your life, sometimes things get messy. And when life gets messy, it gets out of balance.  When this happens, how do we get back to do we regain homeostasis?

Just like in biology, it is natural for us to seek balance and harmony.  But how we get there can be a mystery, especially when we are smack dab in the middle of the mess.  And finally, after much work, I feel like I have finally regained the status of balance, where everything is working and working together correctly with everything else in my life.

Homeostasis, where home, family, career and love life are all not only well, but thriving.  Oh, there is still much to do…like change the blinds in the house, clean, a pile of laundry to fold and a car that alays needs to be cleaned out.  But over all, life is very good and I am enjoying the calm.

Finally, I have that wonderful boring little life that I always wanted, and it is marvelous. Quiet nights, reading, writing or snuggling on the couch.  Cooking and enjoying good meals, a glass of wine with my sweetie, good music, and making memories.  But not at the break neck speed as before.  It’s more calm, more life giving, more…love.

The holidays are approaching and I am more excited than I have been in many years.  A wedding to go to in the next weeks has me excited as well. Celebrating, meeting new people, and going someplace I have never been.  Then Halloween, promising many knocks on the door as the neighborhood is full of children.

The family is celebrating at my house this year, and so much love will be around the table as we sit down to express our thanks.  So many blessing for which to be thankful.  Decorating and getting ready for everyone. Lots of cooking and the great smell of home baked goods coming from teh kitchen.  A lovely fire in the fireplace to gather around with naughty hot chocolate and warm blankets. This year will be a celebration of everything – Love.

Homeostasis, a place of balance and inner peace It’s here. And when you are able to come to the table of life with peace and love, everything looks different. The work you do in this life, is from a deeper,  much truer and more joyful place.

And so as I may not write as many entries at the moment, it is not because my heart is empty. Quite the opposite; my arms, my life, my heart, are all full and bursting  at the seams with all I have been blessed.  Homeostasis has never been more beautiful.

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The Happy Coupledom

Posted by adalamar on October 12, 2015

I’ve entered into a land which I have not been in a long time. The happy coupledom. Don’t get me wrong have dated, even fallen madly in love, but this…this feeling is new.

We were binge watching The Blacklist on Netflix, the best TV on TV. When we realized we were hungry. He created some egg dish in the microwave while I created a fusion of Chinese and Mexican by combining broccoli beef, Mexican cheese and sour cream in a burrito.

And as we ate our almost-middle-of-the-night, lets-raid-the-kitchen-hurried-dinner, I sat on the kitchen counter and he stood next to me. Both of us smacking and chewing, talking and laughing with our mouths full, not in the least bit self conscience.

We ate and enjoyed every last bit….and when we were done, I rinsed the dishes as he stepped outside to smoke. And I did the happy dance, right there in the middle of my messy kitchen. And my heart was full. Welcome to happy coupledom.

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Good Night Sweet Boy

Posted by adalamar on October 9, 2015

He was a great cat, and pet.  The vet said there was not a lot of time, and I knew what it meant when he became more listless and tired.  Ragged breathing and not much appetite, if any.

And so it was, in the early morning hours, that he came to pass not long after I sat down next to him for the final time.  And I am glad that I was there with him, the first of my pets to pass. It truly seemed that he waited until  his human was with him. Glad I stroked his fur during his transition. He had a good life after being rescued, and he was well loved. And he loved his human in return.  Goodnight sweet BoJack.

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Good Night Sweet Boy

Posted by adalamar on October 9, 2015

He was a great cat, and pet.  The vet said there was not a lot of time, and I knew what it meant when he became more listless and tired.  Ragged breathing and not much appetite, if any.

And so it was, in the early morning hours, that he came to pass not long after I sat down next to him for the final time.  And I am glad that I was there with him, the first of my pets to pass. It truly seemed that he waited until  his human was with him. Glad I stroked his fur during his transition. He had a good life after being rescued, and he was well loved. And he loved his human in return.  Goodnight sweet BoJack.

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Sitcome Moment #2,549: Life is a Bathrobe

Posted by adalamar on October 5, 2015

You should always make sure there are no escape routes for house cat to escape, or you might end up chasing said cat all over yard  – in your flimsy bathrobe,  on a windy morning.

Went out to feed the little stray that has been staying around the house when my ca jumped and ran outside.  This is not good, as I had to leave in about 20 minutes so I had to get him.  But I was in my little bathrobe (was feeding stray in garage where neighbors could not see).

Had to jump out, on the lawn, on a windy morning. In my little bathrobe, calling this cat trying to get him to come to me.  Running around chasing this cat, who thinks it a fun game to run fro his human, while holding my bathrobe closed in the wind….

I felt like a was trapped in an I Love Lucy episode. Because my life is a sitcom.

Yes, I can hear you laughing.

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Sitcom Moments: Don’t Leave Home Without Them

Posted by adalamar on October 5, 2015

It was a regular morning, just like any other.  I crawled out of bed, put on some pants and drank a delicious cup of coffee. Little did I know it would soon be a sitcom kind of moment day.

I got ready to take my car down to the dealership for it’s regular maintenance and my sister was picking me up from the dealership. The plan was to grab a quick bite at the donut shop across the street and head back home to hang out and catch up.

It was on my way to the dealership that I realized what had happened…in my half asleep haze and hurry to get to the coffee pot, I slipped on my yoga pants…with no underwear.  Not a big deal one might say. Except that, not being a morning person, and my brain not being fully functional early on a Saturday morning, it did not occur to me until it was too late to turn around and go back home to fix this commando faux pas.

Oh well, I am just going to the dealership and the donut shop drive through…no real big deal, right.  Except my sister wanted to stay and eat at the donut shop. OK, we’ll go home from there.  Nope.  Then, while waiting to hear back about my car, she suggested we go thrifting.  Yay!  I love thrifting.  And it’s not like you have to get dressed p to go to thrift stores, so it should be ok.

And then she saw some cute pants for me to try on.  OK, here is where I had to draw the line.  One simply cannot try on thrift shop pants sans the proper dress, so to speak. So I had to confess.

Me: I can’t try them on today…because (in almost a whisper) iamnotwaeringpanties…

Sis: {small pause} Bahahahahahahahahaha!  My sisters laugh could be heard throughout the store…How can you forget to put on underwear??

Me: Well, I was half asleep and just needed enough clothing on to get to the coffee pot without flashing the neighbors…and then I was still kind of asleep when I left. And I just forgot.  Then realized on the  way to drop off the car…oh shit!  But we were going back home right after the donuts, so didn’t hink it wold be a big deal…

Again she laughed…and was thoroughly entertained the rest of the morning and afternoon, as she picked out more activities to be done before heading home. Indeed, I negotiated trading in my car at the dealership after my next oil change. Then there was the bead shop, where it was everything in the world of beading and making your own jewelry.  Then it was several antique shops, and buying some small pieces of jewelry for new outfits.  And last but not least, there was the wine tasting…and tasting and tasting.

I mean, if I had known all of that was going to happen I would have worn pant(ie)s!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of letting the lady breath and be free just as much as anyone.  But a bit of planning is unusually involved.  There is nothing quite like an accidental day of commando.

Yes my life is a sitcom…or an SNL skit.  I can hear you laughing.

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The Life in the Times

Posted by adalamar on September 30, 2015

For the first time in many years I can truly say that I love my life.  Right now, at this moment, I have everything for which I have prayeed.  True, I have worked my ass of, but I could not have anything without the blessing which I have been given.  And it feels so very good to be here, in this place, where life is again wonderful and where laughter knows no limits.  Where smiles are lasting and my heart is light.

That being said, I still do not have a=everything together at all.  I thin kit is an illusion that people, anyone really, has there life completely together.  We are all a mess, somewhere, in some way, in our lives.

I am doing great work, loving life…and yet I seemed to have gained that other 5 (Ok, maybe 8) pounds that I lost.  So now I need to loose 15lbs before going to the wedding next month.  Oh, I can do, but I’ll have to give up a lot of chocolate…one of my many vices and addictions.  And believe me, chocolate is both a vice and an addiction in my life and world.  Trust me.

I managed to fold all the laundry, mostly, but the floor need to be mopped, I need to exercise, there are about 100 blogs and such that are buzzing around in my head that need to be written down and out of my thoughts.  There is dusting to be done, my book to keep getting together, Mom’s book to promote…and lets not forget about the lawn.  I have given up mowing it, so finally reached a yard guy today.  Yippie.

And I wonder, in this day and age of instant everything, more communication than we can shake a stick at and 24 hours news channels, why can we not et it all done and have it all together?  With all the modern conveniences, we should be able to just Get it done…or maybe not.

I think that is the wonderful, beautiful, messy and imperfect thing about being human. We will never have it all together. And either will anyone else, no matter how together they look. Trust me, there is a closet someone in their house that is a total mess, or they secretly have a fear of… sponges that no one knows about, or they don’t recycle. Or they are horribly clumsy (or maybe that’s just me?). Something, there will always be something that we are trying to get done, accomplish, improve, reach, or try.  And we will never have it done.  Because we are human and it is not in our nature to be perfect.

So stop trying.  And if we ever got it together completely, maybe we would.

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Sitcom Moment: Life is a Revolving Door

Posted by adalamar on September 23, 2015

The thing about revolving doors

About all those missteps

On autumn floors

Is that no one tells you

Here and there

That people are watching everywhere

So when you trip and fall you see

Everyone is watching you

Including me

But don’t you fret now or later

About this or that or who is greater

Because we’re all just trying to get through – too

So go about be on your way

be not bothered by a trip or fall

life is to short, so have a ball.

So today, in my sitcom moment life, I got stuck in a revolving door. Yes , you read that correctly. When going through a revolving door, you should notice your surroundings and what is needed to actually get through the door. Had I followed this rule, I would have saved myself some embarrassment….

I am at my new workplace, so of course, there must be some kind of clumsy mishap (or four). I had gone through the door from the inside to get outside without a problem. So I assumed going from outside to inside would not have any issues either. That is where I was wrong. Had a paid attention, I would have noticed that in order to have to door revolve around completely, you must scan your access card first. If you just follow the person in front of you (like you would in a normal revolving door) you get stuck due to security.

And that is where I was. Inside the door, not able to go forward or back. Glass and people all around. I was stuck in revolving door hell for what seemed like forever (probably about 30 seconds) when finally someone must have noticed the look of sheer terror in my face and scanned their ID card. The door revolved again, and I busted out of that glass door partition as if I had been drowning…

So remember folks, revolving doors are mostly safe. Unless you are a klutz.

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The Destination in the Journey

Posted by adalamar on September 18, 2015

It has taken a minute, a long minute actually, to get here. Many say it’s the journey and not the destination. I disagree. I think it’s both. First yes it is the destination, because we are all working toward something…a vacation, a better job, a family, a better life, a college education. If these things were not worth our time, why would we be willing to take the trip in the first place? The destination is what starts the journey in the first place.

The journey is what life is all about. The working, the experiencing, the travel before the vacation. That is where we meet the best and worst parts of ourselves and humanity. That is where we learn, grow, decide and Live. And when we get to where we were intending, if we get there at all, because we may change our minds along the way…sometimes we realize our dreams have changed, and that’s ok.

This journey has taken me quite a ways, and I am finally where I want to be. But it has taken many miles, over many roads, some paved, some dirt, some gravel. This journey has taken many years, much thought, lots of laughter, more wine, and more love, so much more love, than I ever thought possible to even hold. It has taken me in the woods, on the inside, around the outside, over the ocean and below the ground.

It has taken kisses, thousands of hugs, friendships, break ups, make ups, break downs and marvelous mornings. It has taken coffee. And pieces of my soul. It has taken scraped knees, dirty nails, messy hair, a cluttered home, hours of writing, and every single heartbeat, every breath, inhaled, held and let go. It has taken hopes, fears and a lot of prayer. And it has taken you, yes you too.

And finally, here I am, this place I so wanted to be, where I dreamed I would be one day, in the not so distant past. Yet at the time, this place seemed so far away, almost too far. But after many steps, and so much life, I have arrived. Just where am I?

At a place called Happy. Finally. And it is fabulous, and joyful and wonderful and amazing and a thousand other words I say softly at night, in my prayers, in your ear, to the sky, … And the sun is shining.

And I have to say, while the journey has been everything and so much more than I ever imagined, as I wondered down those long, hard, twisted roads, sometimes uphill, sometimes down, I am enjoying this destination so very much. While every trip is a mixture of both good and bad, when you can look back and say “what a ride!” Then you know it’s been a great experience. And it makes the destination all the more sweet.

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From There to Now

Posted by adalamar on September 9, 2015

What a difference a year makes…or 4, or more.  It truly is amazing all that can happen, all that can change, all that can make you different, stronger, wiser, better. All that can be learned, in that small span of time, in the blink of an eye, that adds up to a lifetime.

Facebook has this nice little feature called “On this Day,” tt makes recalling everything from 1 year ago, 2, 3, 4 and so on years ago very easy.  And when I  look at these memories, I am reminded of all that has transpired from there to now.

1 year ago – I had just found out This Mold house was indeed The Hose of Mold…I was sleeping on my sisters couch, and attempting to make the last chances of a childhood friendship survive. That friendship ended in disaster and hard feelings and a death of sorts.

There was the very new curiosity of a suitor who, as it turns out after pursuing me hard for 6 months,  would prove to view me as nothing more than a burden to be endured, and made sure I felt it too.

Dad’s cancer was not officially in remission, but he had not had a chemo treatment in sometime and was doing very well, which was good after all the family friction of previous few months.

Job wise, I was at a place that was very unprofessional and was miserable. All in all, I was in a terrible place, trying to figure out how to dig out of the hole that had become my life. The digging out had just begun.

And then I look at the landscape of my life now…and I really have no desire to even peak at the last years gone by. That is all in the past, where it should stay.  The only thing left is to say that I am proud of how far I have come, from there to here, proud of the strength it took to walk those miles, those roads, those places, in that darkness and confusion and despair.

I am proud of where there was, and how many baby steps I took, after each heartbeat, to get to the light of where I am now.  Proud of the tears, and perseverance, the tenacity and hope and prayer, and faith, and belief that it must get better. That what is bad and hard is only temporary, and that certainly I could make it just a little longer.

But mostly, I am thankful, so very thankful, mostly because, all because, of my friends, and family and faith that kept me moving, even when I was down and out.  Those who believed in me, said I was strong and capable, and could do it. because I was the one who could take the heat, the one they all said couldn’t be beat.

So very grateful for the souls who held me while I cried, listen while I vented, sat with me quietly, just watching TV, while I healed from all that had passed. Who fixed me dinners and coffees, and tucked me in, making sure I was safe and warm while in this sea of high waves.

But then again, who couldn’t survive, even thrive, with wonderful people around them like that?  I couldn’t have done it without the,=m, as strong as I am.  I am blessed to have them in my life, and blessed, honored and privileged to try to give it back to them, should they ever be in need.

As I look out now, at my wonderful job, great relationship, family’s health and so much more. I am smiling again, writing again (like crazy, it is pouring out). There is a spring in my step and I am singing, though badly, around the house.  There is joy once again. And I know I am not alone.  I wasn’t alone in the rough seas, and I am not alone now that there is celebration to be had.

And that is what this season, this winter, this upcoming year will be – The time of celebration. And healing. And that is the best thing about getting from there to here. Join me, won’t you?

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All That Prayer Holds

Posted by adalamar on September 8, 2015

But for the Grace of God go I

There comes a moment in life where you must take a look around and realize how lucky and blessed you are, how far you have come and be grateful.  That is where I am now.  The past four years have been a test of endurance, strength, character, resilience, restraint, faith, love, family, pain and so much more.  And I have passed. But it has not been easy. the text books to the lessons were quite expensive, and my emotional bank account was empty for quite a while. Well, overdrawn actually.

And now, for the first time in years, I can look up and say that years, everything truly is great.  I have fought tooth and nail, but I have been blessed beyond measure. And as I look around, to the landscape of my life, I see not the hard times, but the blessings. And I see that everything, all for which I prayed, I have been given.  The job, the relationship, the health of my loved ones, and my own inner peace.

Is life perfect?  No, but it sure is wonderful.  I still need to loose those 10 pounds, the garage isn’t going to clean and organize its self, the lawn is beginning to look like a forest and the cats…well, are the cats.

And so I set aside some time to quietly, give so  much thanks for that which I have been given.  It is by the Grace of God that I am here, that my family is healthy, that I have this man, that I write for a living, that I have amazing loyal friends.Life can shift and change in an instant. And I am so very thankful for all of it, yes the complete all of it that I have been given. And I strive to never take it for granted.

I cannot wait for the next adventure, the next chapter, and all that it holds.  Life is delicious. I am happy.

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The Dugger Factor

Posted by adalamar on September 8, 2015

Anna Dugger. A name synonymous with the phrase “stand by your man.” Being a good and loyal spouse is commendable, but there are limits to what anyone should be expected to endure. A recent Facebook post about the topic went viral, and it did start me thinking. Many have criticized Anna Dugger for not leaving her child molesting, porn addicted, cheating, Ashley Madison account having husband. But instead, I have an incredible amount of empathy for her.

One can only assume that a man, or anyone, who can be so despicable and deceitful to those closest, certainly must also be very manipulative as well. That kind of manipulation is successful because it’s so very subtle, so much in fact, that you can barely recognize it changing you, chipping away at your self-confidence, until a large part of yourself is gone.

Now consider that she has no education, and that her family and social circle blame her for her husbands shortcomings. Her parents encourage her still, to stay with her husband and would shame and ostracize her for leaving him. That coupled with the slow tear down of confidence and spirit…She was the perfect wife, sticking to all the rules, and yet it still wasn’t enough. She is still expected; demanded even, to give more of herself for someone who has cared for her so very little.

It is a shame that anyone should be expected to stay where they are mistreated so very badly. While I do believe in the sanctity of marriage, are limits. Maybe we are all guilty aof staying in a relationship longer than we should have, but at some point you have to wake up, take off the rose colored glasses and get out.

Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, be made to feel like they are valued, and matter. To be needed, loved and valued are basic human needs, and if someone, anyone, whether it be a friend, a family member, a spouse, or a co-worker, does not value what you bring to the table, then you have the very basic human right to leave.

You also have the basic human right to demand that you be treated with respect, kindness and decency. To know that you are worth those things, that you have value in and of yourself, to know that your soul is important just because you exist.

The Facebook post that went viral stated that men are born with power, but women have to demand it for themselves, and that they should be taught to make a man cower in the corner if they need to. I agree. But not just women, though that is what we see mostly, because women are typically taken advantage of more than men. Everyone has the right, and if you must make a person cower in order to escape mistreatment, then so be it. But these lessons have to start young.

In addition to instilling a healthy sense of self esteem, boys should be taught to value women, not use them. Teach them that women are to be cherished. But also teach girls the value that men have, and that they deserve to be respected too. If both are taught, as children, to value the other, as human beings, then the world would be a much better, kinder place.

To know your worth, to know that you deserve to be loved, that you alone, are Enough. These lessons can make such a difference in shaping lives, and save those lives from an immense amount of pain later When both men and women realize the value in one another, that is when humanity is at its best. So I refrain from criticizing Anna Dugger, but instead feel much empathy and compassion for her. She was never taught that she alone is enough.

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That Fall Moment

Posted by adalamar on September 8, 2015

There is moment, an instant that can be felt. You can smell, almost taste it, it in the air. It is the moment when the season changes from summer to fall. And it is delicious.

That moment when the nights get just a little cooler, the humidity is down, crispness is up, maybe you even get a chill when the sun goes down. The days may still be hot, but it’s at night that things slow down, just a little, from the pace of summer and all it’s activities.

A moment to rest, and catch your breath before all the fun of Fall begins. There are all the fall festivals and concerts, corn mazes, hay rides, pumpkin patches, cool nights perfect for hand holding and wine tastings. There is a flurry of activity as we get ready for what is to be a long, cold winter. We laugh, plan, play and smile, as we stock away for the winter.

The seasons are changing, even if it hasn’t arrived yet on the colander. Fall is early this year, as summer struggles to hang on and gives us the last kiss goodbye.

And with the change of seasons for me, comes the continuing of this next chapter in my life. And it is delicious.

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Of Cleaning and Music

Posted by adalamar on September 8, 2015

We all have those times where we just have to do things.  It happens every Spring and new Fall. Some call in Spring Cleaning, some call it nesting. Whatever it is, I have the urge to straighten, organize and clean.  Everything.  I am a busy single woman, and I have pets, so every week I do have to set aside time for house cleaning, but what about that deep clean? 

 Oh, to mop, and scrub, and disinfect, and organize, and clean to my hearts content.  Maybe it is the fact that the air is getting cooler, and it is wonderful to have the windows open with the fresh air coming through the house, maybe it’s having the time now that the summer has come to a close.  Maybe it’s preparing for what is predicted to be a long. Cold winter. After all, if you are going to spend time hibernating, your cave should be clean and wonderful.

 And right now, my place is a mess.  The dust bunnies under the bed are fighting tufts of cat hair…and I’m not sure whose winning.  The cupboard is a mess of groceries…which I need to sort through in order to really have a complete grocery shopping list.  My closet is a mess, clothes and shoes everywhere. My drawers are equally a no man’s land, full of unfolded shirts and such.

But as I look around, I have to smile.  This messy house reflects a lovely, wonderful summer. One of the best summers in many years. And isn’t that what happens sometimes – the housework gets away from us as we are off living our lives?  But there is something so cozy and comfortable in doing house work, dancing in the kitchen, and making it wonderful and comfortable.  Oh yes, housework is not something I mind doing these days.


In my time in radio, there have been many concerts, many shows, many great music experiences.  But this past weekend was one of the best – Alice Copper and Motely Cru.  As one might expect, this was the quintessential ROCK show…but there was also so much more. Not just long haired men in leather pants, the artistic value of the show was amazing.  The stage design, the transition, the lighting, the maneuvers, where all some of the best I have ever seen.  Not to mention, the musicians are truly talents – Tommy Lee being rigged up and traveling above the crowd…playing drums…while hanging upside down and slowly spinning. Never missing a beat.  Hanging upside down.  Amazing.

Alice Cooper going through more costume changes than I can count, a true show, complete with pyrotechnics, characters in costume, an AMAZING guitar player – who is a woman! – and a guillotine.  Motely Cru had girls dancing, amazing energy, no slow songs at all, no breaks and just pure rock. 

These old guys, could really show the new pop artists how it’s done.  Because the young artist today, can’t hold a candle to the showmanship, artistry, entertainment, and professionalism of the artists that paved the way.

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What Say You

Posted by adalamar on August 21, 2015

To know little things about you

The sound of your foot

The way that you walk

The way that you look

Your face

When happy or concentrating

And working and playing

When talking and love making


To know the timber of your voice

Across the room

Or low in my ear

I want to hear


You moan and sigh

And the little sounds you make

When you look into my eyes

I want to see


You lips as they part

Right before you kiss me

Watch your chest

As your breath quickens at my hips


Can you tell me

The best day or the worst?

Let me see inside all

The joy and all the hurt?


I’d like to see and

Hold it sacred

That which is most you

let me know it, So what say you?

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I Could Fear Less

Posted by adalamar on August 19, 2015

And there it was, jetting out just a few feet below where I was standing, and ten feet above the water.  I was standing at a different cliff this time.  And it was a lot higher and scarier.  And one day I will get there. Where I run and jump off, casting fear by the wayside.  But I am not there yet.  My body and mind hesitate before jumping off the cliff, afraid that I won’t clear the rocks that stick out on the way down. A klutz has to be careful.

And isn’t that sometimes what happens in life too?  We know what we want, but for some reason, we freeze up at the last second, afraid to jump or make a move.  Our mind plays out all of the “what ifs” that could go wrong.  So we stand there, at the cliff, so close to the edge that we can see the very edge. All we have to do is have faith…

And that is something that I am working on in life.  I have shed the old skin, the old tasks, the old life, the old me.  I have worked hard to bring my thoughts, dreams and wants to reality.  I have put in my time, paid my dues, and now it is time to live.  It is time for the good stuff.

So here I am at the cliff, of life, of a new relationship, of a new job and everything that is deep and good and safe and happy. While I may not be ready for the actual cliff, I am ready to plunge into life.  Might it be dangerous? Maybe. I could land wrong, crash on a rock, get hurt. But what if I make?  What if my dreams make it?  What if it really  is as spectacular as it possibly could be?  What if…?

So here I jump, hesitation behind me, air rushing past my ears, holding my breath, wonderfully waiting for that wonderful moment when I feel the water around me and know that I have made it. When I know that I am submerged into everything I want and have worked so hard to build. And I could fear less.

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The Hindsight

Posted by adalamar on August 19, 2015

Know why I am so hard on you, why I demand so much? Because I have walked through the fires in the pits of Hell and by the Grace of God, have come through just fine.  So if you are going to be in my life, be damn present.

I have earned the right to have someone present. I have earned the right to be loved. I have earned the right to matter.  I have earned the right to be comforted. I have earned the right to be cherished.

There is so much you take for granted because you do not even see the brilliance of the human being in front of you.

I have a good life built on the solid foundation of my heart.  And I have done all this, every bit, with no comfort. No arms. No warmth to hold me. It has all been alone.

Strength borne of the basic need to survive and protect those most loved.  A steel inner core tempered by flames, cooled by God’s compassion. A depth of you need not understand because it is, by its very nature, beyond your comprehension.

Step aside, I see that is what I should have said long ago in hindsight.

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In the Distance

Posted by adalamar on August 19, 2015

There is a distance

In my mind and soul

Calling out to you

I breathe it in and let it go.

Have you ever wondered

And wanted, aching

To know what you

Don’t know?

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Sitcom Moment #2,397: Murphy’s Sole

Posted by adalamar on August 14, 2015

Murphy’s Sole

Murphy. I don’t much care for him, though I am sure he was a likable enough guy.  Which Murphy you might ask?  None other than, Captain Edward A. Murphy, Jr., a former pilot and aerospace engineer, and the man credited with coming up with that famous anything that can go wrong will Law ( Murphy’s Law, which originated in 1949, when a group of  Air Force scientists and engineers were trying to determine just how any Gs a human being could survive, has ruled my life on many occasion.  The most recent being this past week.

It started out as a normal day, I got up, made coffee, listened to the news.  That was as normal as it got…I was to start a new project downtown that day and I found out that I needed to do a few things online like print a temporary badge until the real one came in.  Problem #1 – my internet was down. Problem #2 – no power cable to my printer.  Off to Kinkos, wait for them to iopen, pay to print out 2 sheet badge.  This little excursion set me back a few minutes, and as anyone who has driven in Atlanta traffic knows, a few minutes can kill an otherwise tolerable commute.

An hour and a half later, I was still sitting in traffic when the idea of skipping traffic and taking the train seemed like a good idea.  And indeed it was.  Except that on my way to the train from my car, the heel of my shoe collapses.  And down I went, face first, on the pavement.  Embarrassing yes, but considering how many times a week I fall, trip, spill, fumble and foible, not the end of the world.

I can fake it, I thought.  I can just walk on the ball of my foot, and balance with the other.  And I did, like a boss.  I walked on the right foot, balanced on the left. Only a few times did I almost topple…which happens in good shoes on flat ground.

And that worked.  Until it was time for my welcome lunch, where the team walked 3.5 blocks on that wonderful. beautiful day.  And on the 3.5 block walk back, that is when it happened.  The heel finally completely broke.  It was barely dangling on by the sole.  There was no faking that…After a good laugh, I ripped it off and hobbled back to the building and my desk.

Thank goodness I had some lacey little slip ons so I didn’t have to  go barefoot on my first day. I did, however, have to walk 3 blocks back to the train station, hobbling on 1 good shoes and one missing heel.  2 hours later, because traffic is special in this town, I was finally home.

First day complete – Check.  First fall on the new job – Check. Embarrassing moments – check, check and check.

Yes, my life is a sitcom.

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The Living in the Life

Posted by adalamar on August 14, 2015

Sometimes we get so caught up, i,get so caught up, in life that there is hardly time to,write.  Oh, there are lite,snippets of thoughts and writings everywhere, as usual, but there has hardly been time to,record them in written form, but a few scribbles on napkins, or sparse notes on my phone.


But oh, isnt  life delicious? In this, the hottest part of summer? It is, finally, like the umbrella in that wonderful umbrella drink. Cold, sweet and refreshing. And as I soak it all in, all this sweet goodness I have been blessed to have in my life. I smile big and broad.

It is true that life and experience transform us.  It can’t be any other way. And I have worked hard to make sure it it is only the good.

And there is a swing of freedom, as I shed the weight of this old skin, from years gone past.  I walk Shi y and new now. Dues paid, now life is to be lived and enjoyed.

So the best was saclved for last. This life for which I have worked so hard.  All the prayers answered, desires coming to fruition. And life is good.

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The Simple Things

Posted by adalamar on July 21, 2015

It happens to all of us at some point, feeling overwhelmed, or worried, or terrified and frusterated.  We look around and suddenly everything we thought was uder control, isn’t.  And ilife looks like a cross between a war zone and a construction site as we run around trying to get everything back in order.

That’s when we need to pause and take a breath, eat a Twix or just sit a moment. When things in life seem unmanageable and overwhelming, go back to the basics, the simple things. Go back to what grounds us, makes us smile, feel secure and warm.  We need to be wrapped up, safe and sound, in our own little emotional security blanket.  You go back to love. We may even need to roll up our sleeves and get dirty too.  After all, a little sweat never hurt anyone.

For me, going back to those simple things that remind us that the entire world has not gone crazy, are family, friends, simple pleasures and laughter.   All of which have been present today.

I am helping a friend pack up her house before it is sold.  There is so much to be done and mot much time in which to do it.  And today was mainly planning, plotting and figuring out.  Tomorrow is when the real work will be done.  But today and until leave when the job is done, will be spent with lots of friends, all of us pulling together to get this done, all out of love.

Tonight I spet hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend.  We had some small talk, ate a good meal, watched a cool movie on TV while relaxing on the couch, talked, laughed and just had time to enjoy the simple things in a wonderful life.  I listened as they talked about their plans for the next year, and buying a house, and expanding a business. And as I watched them, it gave me hope that I can find that kind of relationship too.

And so it is, this night as I snuggle down into warm soft covers in a warm soft bed. I drift off to sleep enjoying the simple things in life – friends, family, food, hope and love.  And really, aren’t those some of the best things that life has to offer?

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My Mona Lisa

Posted by adalamar on July 20, 2015

I was asked to re-post this one.  Enjoy!

“Have you heard my Mona Lisa?

Have you heard who you are?

You’re a new Morning” =- New Morning, Alva Rev

There is a new song out and it is one that seems to speak to a lot of people.  The singer said ” too often we get stuck in this kind of Negativism but when you hit rock bottom you end up going through the process of believing & having hope again.”  To me it says this and another universal truth…we all have worth and value.  Every one of us goes through trials and tribulations…they make us who we are.  But so often those trial wear us down and make us feel that we are less than.

Have you heard who you are?  Do you know?  Would you regognize your own voice, your own value?  Many of us do not.  And this is a shame.  No matter where you are, what you are going through, what people have done or said to you, or where you have been – never for get who you are.  Always know your own voice.

In life we get the chance to set our own value…not others.  So make sure you set that value high.  And who are these other people anyway?  Who are they that their opinion would matter?  Does that mean that we may never need to change or re-evaluate?  No, it simply meran that we hold our head up high because no matter what mistakes have been made…we are a new morning.  It is never too late to change or change your mind. It is never too late to find your own voice.

Where you are now doesn’t matter.  where do you want to be?  Decide that and beleive in it with such [passion that it beciome reality.  Have such a ridiculoious work ethis that you do what it takes to make it happen. And have such unshakable faith that you are a work of art, that you make your dreams come true.  Once you dothis, you become unstoppable.  Nothing and no one can shake you, your faith, your dreams.

don’t forget Who. You. Are. and always Believe.

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