AdaLamar's Blog

A Sassy Girls Guide to a Life of Wanderlust

What Say You

Posted by adalamar on August 21, 2015

To know little things about you

The sound of your foot

The way that you walk

The way that you look

Your face

When happy or concentrating

And working and playing

When talking and love making

 

To know the timber of your voice

Across the room

Or low in my ear

I want to hear

 

You moan and sigh

And the little sounds you make

When you look into my eyes

I want to see

 

You lips as they part

Right before you kiss me

Watch your chest

As your breath quickens at my hips

 

Can you tell me

The best day or the worst?

Let me see inside all

The joy and all the hurt?

 

I’d like to see and

Hold it sacred

That which is most you

let me know it, So what say you?

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life, dating, faith, faith in love | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Could Fear Less

Posted by adalamar on August 19, 2015

And there it was, jetting out just a few feet below where I was standing, and ten feet above the water.  I was standing at a different cliff this time.  And it was a lot higher and scarier.  And one day I will get there. Where I run and jump off, casting fear by the wayside.  But I am not there yet.  My body and mind hesitate before jumping off the cliff, afraid that I won’t clear the rocks that stick out on the way down. A klutz has to be careful.

And isn’t that sometimes what happens in life too?  We know what we want, but for some reason, we freeze up at the last second, afraid to jump or make a move.  Our mind plays out all of the “what ifs” that could go wrong.  So we stand there, at the cliff, so close to the edge that we can see the very edge. All we have to do is have faith…

And that is something that I am working on in life.  I have shed the old skin, the old tasks, the old life, the old me.  I have worked hard to bring my thoughts, dreams and wants to reality.  I have put in my time, paid my dues, and now it is time to live.  It is time for the good stuff.

So here I am at the cliff, of life, of a new relationship, of a new job and everything that is deep and good and safe and happy. While I may not be ready for the actual cliff, I am ready to plunge into life.  Might it be dangerous? Maybe. I could land wrong, crash on a rock, get hurt. But what if I make?  What if my dreams make it?  What if it really  is as spectacular as it possibly could be?  What if…?

So here I jump, hesitation behind me, air rushing past my ears, holding my breath, wonderfully waiting for that wonderful moment when I feel the water around me and know that I have made it. When I know that I am submerged into everything I want and have worked so hard to build. And I could fear less.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, bucket list, Building a life, celebrating, chances | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Hindsight

Posted by adalamar on August 19, 2015

Know why I am so hard on you, why I demand so much? Because I have walked through the fires in the pits of Hell and by the Grace of God, have come through just fine.  So if you are going to be in my life, be damn present.

I have earned the right to have someone present. I have earned the right to be loved. I have earned the right to matter.  I have earned the right to be comforted. I have earned the right to be cherished.

There is so much you take for granted because you do not even see the brilliance of the human being in front of you.

I have a good life built on the solid foundation of my heart.  And I have done all this, every bit, with no comfort. No arms. No warmth to hold me. It has all been alone.

Strength borne of the basic need to survive and protect those most loved.  A steel inner core tempered by flames, cooled by God’s compassion. A depth of you need not understand because it is, by its very nature, beyond your comprehension.

Step aside, I see that is what I should have said long ago in hindsight.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life, chances, character, comfort, faith, faith in love | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

In the Distance

Posted by adalamar on August 19, 2015

There is a distance

In my mind and soul

Calling out to you

I breathe it in and let it go.

Have you ever wondered

And wanted, aching

To know what you

Don’t know?

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, Building a life, celebrating, chances, dating, faith, poetry | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Sitcom Moment #2,397: Murphy’s Sole

Posted by adalamar on August 14, 2015

Murphy’s Sole

Murphy. I don’t much care for him, though I am sure he was a likable enough guy.  Which Murphy you might ask?  None other than, Captain Edward A. Murphy, Jr., a former pilot and aerospace engineer, and the man credited with coming up with that famous anything that can go wrong will Law (http://www.thestar.com/news/2009/01/11/the_man_behind_murphys_law.html). Murphy’s Law, which originated in 1949, when a group of  Air Force scientists and engineers were trying to determine just how any Gs a human being could survive, has ruled my life on many occasion.  The most recent being this past week.

It started out as a normal day, I got up, made coffee, listened to the news.  That was as normal as it got…I was to start a new project downtown that day and I found out that I needed to do a few things online like print a temporary badge until the real one came in.  Problem #1 – my internet was down. Problem #2 – no power cable to my printer.  Off to Kinkos, wait for them to iopen, pay to print out 2 sheet badge.  This little excursion set me back a few minutes, and as anyone who has driven in Atlanta traffic knows, a few minutes can kill an otherwise tolerable commute.

An hour and a half later, I was still sitting in traffic when the idea of skipping traffic and taking the train seemed like a good idea.  And indeed it was.  Except that on my way to the train from my car, the heel of my shoe collapses.  And down I went, face first, on the pavement.  Embarrassing yes, but considering how many times a week I fall, trip, spill, fumble and foible, not the end of the world.

I can fake it, I thought.  I can just walk on the ball of my foot, and balance with the other.  And I did, like a boss.  I walked on the right foot, balanced on the left. Only a few times did I almost topple…which happens in good shoes on flat ground.

And that worked.  Until it was time for my welcome lunch, where the team walked 3.5 blocks on that wonderful. beautiful day.  And on the 3.5 block walk back, that is when it happened.  The heel finally completely broke.  It was barely dangling on by the sole.  There was no faking that…After a good laugh, I ripped it off and hobbled back to the building and my desk.

Thank goodness I had some lacey little slip ons so I didn’t have to  go barefoot on my first day. I did, however, have to walk 3 blocks back to the train station, hobbling on 1 good shoes and one missing heel.  2 hours later, because traffic is special in this town, I was finally home.

First day complete – Check.  First fall on the new job – Check. Embarrassing moments – check, check and check.

Yes, my life is a sitcom.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, Building a life | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Living in the Life

Posted by adalamar on August 14, 2015

Sometimes we get so caught up, i,get so caught up, in life that there is hardly time to,write.  Oh, there are lite,snippets of thoughts and writings everywhere, as usual, but there has hardly been time to,record them in written form, but a few scribbles on napkins, or sparse notes on my phone.

 

But oh, isnt  life delicious? In this, the hottest part of summer? It is, finally, like the umbrella in that wonderful umbrella drink. Cold, sweet and refreshing. And as I soak it all in, all this sweet goodness I have been blessed to have in my life. I smile big and broad.

It is true that life and experience transform us.  It can’t be any other way. And I have worked hard to make sure it it is only the good.

And there is a swing of freedom, as I shed the weight of this old skin, from years gone past.  I walk Shi y and new now. Dues paid, now life is to be lived and enjoyed.

So the best was saclved for last. This life for which I have worked so hard.  All the prayers answered, desires coming to fruition. And life is good.

Posted in ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

The Simple Things

Posted by adalamar on July 21, 2015

It happens to all of us at some point, feeling overwhelmed, or worried, or terrified and frusterated.  We look around and suddenly everything we thought was uder control, isn’t.  And ilife looks like a cross between a war zone and a construction site as we run around trying to get everything back in order.

That’s when we need to pause and take a breath, eat a Twix or just sit a moment. When things in life seem unmanageable and overwhelming, go back to the basics, the simple things. Go back to what grounds us, makes us smile, feel secure and warm.  We need to be wrapped up, safe and sound, in our own little emotional security blanket.  You go back to love. We may even need to roll up our sleeves and get dirty too.  After all, a little sweat never hurt anyone.

For me, going back to those simple things that remind us that the entire world has not gone crazy, are family, friends, simple pleasures and laughter.   All of which have been present today.

I am helping a friend pack up her house before it is sold.  There is so much to be done and mot much time in which to do it.  And today was mainly planning, plotting and figuring out.  Tomorrow is when the real work will be done.  But today and until leave when the job is done, will be spent with lots of friends, all of us pulling together to get this done, all out of love.

Tonight I spet hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend.  We had some small talk, ate a good meal, watched a cool movie on TV while relaxing on the couch, talked, laughed and just had time to enjoy the simple things in a wonderful life.  I listened as they talked about their plans for the next year, and buying a house, and expanding a business. And as I watched them, it gave me hope that I can find that kind of relationship too.

And so it is, this night as I snuggle down into warm soft covers in a warm soft bed. I drift off to sleep enjoying the simple things in life – friends, family, food, hope and love.  And really, aren’t those some of the best things that life has to offer?

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, bucket list, Building a life, celebrating | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Mona Lisa

Posted by adalamar on July 20, 2015

I was asked to re-post this one.  Enjoy!

“Have you heard my Mona Lisa?

Have you heard who you are?

You’re a new Morning” =- New Morning, Alva Rev

There is a new song out and it is one that seems to speak to a lot of people.  The singer said ” too often we get stuck in this kind of Negativism but when you hit rock bottom you end up going through the process of believing & having hope again.”  To me it says this and another universal truth…we all have worth and value.  Every one of us goes through trials and tribulations…they make us who we are.  But so often those trial wear us down and make us feel that we are less than.

Have you heard who you are?  Do you know?  Would you regognize your own voice, your own value?  Many of us do not.  And this is a shame.  No matter where you are, what you are going through, what people have done or said to you, or where you have been – never for get who you are.  Always know your own voice.

In life we get the chance to set our own value…not others.  So make sure you set that value high.  And who are these other people anyway?  Who are they that their opinion would matter?  Does that mean that we may never need to change or re-evaluate?  No, it simply meran that we hold our head up high because no matter what mistakes have been made…we are a new morning.  It is never too late to change or change your mind. It is never too late to find your own voice.

Where you are now doesn’t matter.  where do you want to be?  Decide that and beleive in it with such [passion that it beciome reality.  Have such a ridiculoious work ethis that you do what it takes to make it happen. And have such unshakable faith that you are a work of art, that you make your dreams come true.  Once you dothis, you become unstoppable.  Nothing and no one can shake you, your faith, your dreams.

don’t forget Who. You. Are. and always Believe.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, bucket list, Building a life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

3 Doors Down

Posted by adalamar on July 20, 2015

This clip is from a recent 3 Doors Down concert. The lead singer stopped a show after a man in the audience hit and shoved a woman.  “You don’t hit a woman!”  he is heard saying.  The man was immediately escorted out of the concert by security. Men who hit and abuse women are lower than dirt. Just another reason to love this band!

Here is the story with a clip of the show.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/18/entertainment/3-doors-down-throws-man-out-irpt/

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Quiet fun of Summer

Posted by adalamar on July 17, 2015

Life has been quiet as of late, which is more than welcome.  We all need those quiet times, to reflect, regroup, enjoy, smile, listen to music, smell the roses, and just be.  That requires slowing down a bit and focusing in on what you really want.  And I really want a bit of fun.  It is much needed, as all a=work and no play makes for a very dull and not well lived life.

And so it is, a wonderful quiet mixture of fun this summer.  Nothing loud and outrageous, nothing too out of the ordinary, but only that which feeds the soul and makes me smile. And laugh, and feel good, and love, and wonder and appreciate. And also find Peace.

It’s quite interesting how Peace and fun seem to go together, one of those unlikely couples that makes no sense at first, until you take a closer look.  Life is all about balance, and when we, and our lives, are not in balance, there is also no or little Peace.  Peace is found when balance is restored.

And for far too long it has been hard work, no play, sacrifice and giving of everything I am and have.  And it is time to relax, breath and have fun.  I have been going out of my way to have fun, quiet, boring satisfying fun.  And what qualifies as fun?  Well, that depends on the person.  But for me, it is enjoying and pampering myself a bit. Mowing the lawn and enjoying the smell of fresh cut grass. I have cooked delicious meals for myself, read a few books, watched my favorite guilty pleasure shows, enjoyed long conversations with friends and good wine.

There has been working out, running, pushing my body past where it wants to go and what it wants to do.  Staying motivated and figuring out the future will come, those decisions always do.  But I am learning the importance of simply enjoying.

And something wonderful is happening, a side affect.  It is that I am opening up, slowly, surly opening my heart and soul to the world again.  Letting it all pour into me and wash over me, taking all the impurities with it. Another side affect is facing fear, and finding out there is nothing on the other side but freedom.

I have allowed myself to ask of others, which is something very new.  I am listening to what I want, and asking those who can help. There is been jetskiing  holding on for dear life and the water and wind simultaneously whipping through my hair. And them my friend holding on for his life as I drove, becoming airborne many times as I went into the waves at high speed. I felt free, and wild, and happy. There was a rock about 8 feet high to jump into the water.  It had been 30 years since I jumped like that, and at first it was scary.  But I did it. Again and again. And each time it was easier and more fun.  And then a group of kinds came and jumped without hesitation.  That is where I want to get again.

And this quiet fun of summer will get me there.  I have started dating again, though no one special at this point.  I am making choices just for myself, something that is very scary.  I always though I would be called selfish, but it hasn’t happened. There has been support and I have gotten everything I have asked for, and prayer for.

And that is what we are here for, in this life.  So listen to your soul, drink life in with everything you have, and let it fill you completely, up to the top, brimming over, making you whole, filling in the cracks.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, Building a life, celebrating | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Living in the Human Condition

Posted by adalamar on July 7, 2015

Sometimes in life you have to just take a leap of faith and trust.  And sometimes that involves walking away from gloomy situations and embracing life.  Take a deep breath, close your eyes and have some fun, throwing caution to the wind. Such was the decision and direction of the weekend.

What is it about the human condition that makes us want to curl up and be quiet when we feel a bit melancholy? At least that is what I tend to do. Others may go out and party, wanting lots of noise, but I tend to want to stay under the covers, sipping hot tea while being wrapped up in a warm blanket.

Yet there is a time and place for everything. And after experiencing 6 deaths in 8 weeks of friends, or the friends of friends, my first inclination was just to stay home and have a very long date with Netflix. And initially, when a friend suggested a weekend trip to a close but fun town a few hours away, I thought, nah…

And then the losses of those people reminded me, once again, about how fragile and precious life is.  And After some pondering, I came to the decision that this time, I should embrace life, have some fun, laugh, run, travel, have a drink, see some friends. And so it was. It started Thursday night, ,then after sleeping late and a good lunch, the trip began.  The hotel was lovely and old.  Lot’s of wood, and old elevators, and kind people.  Oh yes, this is what life is about.  Those road trips with friends.

And there was great music, lots of laughter, some good drinks, delicious food, a haunted hotel, a fire alarm at 5 am that turned into a light breakfast and great conversation over good coffee. There was lots of walking, trying some new things, doing some people watching and breakfast spent re connecting with a friend.  There were missed fireworks, but enough fun and laughter that they weren’t even missed.This weekend was about celebrating and embracing life.

And that is the thing about life, it goes on.  But it is our choice to pick up and live it.  It’s our choice to embrace it, or stay in bed.  Why would anyone choose to stay in bed and shy away from living, loving, laughing and striving?  There are a thousands reasons, and most of them have to do with fear.

It’s safe under the covers.  Or maybe the person in weary and needs a break.  That’s OK, as long as they don’t stay in bed for an extended period.

And I learned something this past weekend. Trust your gut yes, but also don’t be afraid to step out of that comfort zone.  We become stagnant if we do.  Lean on your friends, love them dearly, they will be the ones who stand beside you. And that is what I am working o now.  Whenever I go against my gut, i get into trouble.  So I am listening a lot while I am reshaping my life and carving out a space that is truly Me.  It’s scary and exciting, and wonderful.  And I know I am going in the right direction.

Wouldn’t it be great though, and so much easier, if we had a compass for our life?  Something that would tell us the road we need to be on?  A way to avoid all those pitfalls, and decisions, slip up, let downs, sideways days and diagonal moves?  Well, it sounds good in theory. But think about what we would miss – the people and experiences that we would ever know. Think of the scenery we would miss if we always went on the path we “should.”  Some of my best moments, favorite memories and wonderful people have come from what was not planned, came from taking chances and going off the path.

Life is short.  Live, Laugh, Love, take chances. Travel. Leap. Buy the shoes.  Call the girl.  Kiss the boy. Say I love you. Hold hands. Live with your whole heart. Don’t worry so much if your house is clean, or if your clothes are perfect.  We are human for a reason.

And in the end, we will know we have lived.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, bucket list, Building a life, celebrating, chances, faith | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Prayers

Posted by adalamar on June 26, 2015

This blog space is many things, of many sorts.  And while I write about a myriad of topics, I rarely write open requests.  This is one of them.

A special person in a family I love very much is in a coma. I have known this family for 20 years, from a wonderful man I dated back then.  He and I are still in touch,and when he told me about his sister’s husband, it just felt like someone hit me in the stomach.  These are such wonderful people. Good people.

So please say a prayer for this man and his wonderful family.  Pray for healing, and strength and courage.

https://www.facebook.com/prayersforcwilliams

Thank you.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fragile

Posted by adalamar on June 24, 2015

There is a Song by Sting called Fragile, and it talks about how fragile we are, how fragile is this balance of life.

A text message, a phone call, the realization of the level of fragile. A family I love very much, a good friend, a very much loved ex-boyfriend, people whom I may not speak to often, but still carry in my heart. I learned of a car accident and someone left in a coma. Found unresponsive, no way of knowing how long he was in that condition. The prognosis is grim. Now his family is praying for a miracle and waiting for God’s Will to be made known to them.

Never doubt how fragile we are. Never take your breath for granted, or the breath of those you love.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life, comfort, compassion | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I speak Fluent Sitcom

Posted by adalamar on June 23, 2015

Things have been far too serious for summer, a time of laughter and fun. So, get ready to laugh, because I speak fluent Sitcom…

The Not Breath Spray

When you are a contractor, many times the contracting company will give you a bag of goodies.  Most of the time it’s things like pens, pads, mouse pads, coffee cups. Just little office gadget with Logos. But a goody bag is still a goody bag and it’s like a little bit of Christmas.

The latest bag of loot was really great, because both the contracting company and company for which I work gave me goody bags. Double. Score.  As I gleefully looked through the bags, assessing the goodies, ripping through the stuff like a Christmas Stocking, I found breath dpray. I love breath spay. A few spritz and your garlic lunch is no more!

And today, after lunch but before the afternoon meeting, I remembered about this little treasure, and was going to be a breath of minty freshness…then I pulled it out and…

And immediately started coughing after spritzing.

As it turns out, it wasn’t breath spray…it was hand sanitizer spray.

*********************************************

I wrote this in 2010, but someone recently asked me to re-post. So here it is. Please note that I am not responsible for anyone being hurt by laughing to hard, or if your drink comes out of your nose…Enjoy!

Many contracts require of pre-employment drug test. . Not a big deal, and went for my latest today.  Now those who know me know that I am a little, accident prone, shall we say.  I have tripped, fallen, slipped, spilled, fumbled and foilbled. But there are few moments that have actually surprised, or even mortified me.  And this would be one f them.

I dutifully took the little cup in the restroom and carefully brought it back out.  And as I carefully, slowly, very purposefully handed it to the nurse/technician, it happened.  And in slow motion no less. I handed it to her, her hands slowly taking possession of the cup when the lid on it slipped, and as she did not have it in her grasp quite yet, it slipped away, slowly falling toward the floor. And I could feel every muscle in my body tense up – do I let it fall or try to dive for it and catch it? And then, before i could blink, the contents of the cup spilled on the floor.

As the nurse/lab person and I looked down in disgust (and me in total horror of embarrassment), I happened to look up and saw one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen standing waiting to sign in. He had a look of horror on his face too.

Proof once again that my life is completely together…until a cute guy is around. If it was a little old lady standing there the lid would not have slipped at all.

I REALLY just wanted to crawl under something big and heavy.

I can hear you laughing…

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Happy Fathers Day

Posted by adalamar on June 21, 2015

Every year I write a tribute to my Dad on father’s day. My Dad is like one of those men from the old movies. The hero. A man of few words rides into town, stands up for what he believes in, and touches everyone around him.

He leads by example: Loyalty, honesty and spirituality. Always keep your word. Hold family close and God Closer.

My Dad has worked very hard to make a business and a reputation many would envy. He’s worked hard to give his family the kind of life and opportunities where we would want for nothing. He has integrity and honor, and those are not easy qualities to find these days.

He has been a wonderful example of a man, a father and a human being. From quietly asking mom about our dates to sharing boiled peanuts and beer, to watching thunderstorms and lighting with us. To teaching me how to sing silly songs, teaching me why it’s important to watch the news and be aware of the world in which you live.

He has taught me so many things about life, just by example. And he is the best father a girl could ever hope to have. I have so many wonderful memories of him growing up, and as an adult. Like him, try to read fairy tails to me and mispronouncing the names – like “Ra-pun-zel”, or reciting the bedtime story of “Once upon a time, a deer drank wine…” To holding me while I sobbed when I thought my mother was dying, to our first father daughter dinner when I was a teenager.

Then the is “Piddles Jumping Spunker” and Chief Beer Fetcher in Charge (CBFC), can’t forget being the Cowstail, or all the lessons on the bottom shelf.  There were all the times he, as a typical protective father, scared any young man who came to the door to pick his daughter up for a date.  There was the one time he tried to teach me how to drive, and both of us returned scared and barely speaking.

There is the time I ran over the water pump with the riding lawn mower and he had to fix it (the pump not the mower) and all the things I accidentally busted, broke r short circuited around the house. To all the conversations we may have on the phone now, however short, whatever the topic, are always treasured.

There is hearing all the stories of his youth, and when he blew up the river bed with dynamite, and how he hid an alarm clock taped to one of his teachers desks at school.  To his trips at Oscars Br in NYC, to all the slides and stories of when he would dive and was a dive master.  To all the amazing things he has designed in his career, and last year, I went to the Smithsonian and finally saw, up close, the missiles he designed.

He taught me how to change the oil in my car, how to rotate my own tires, change the break pads and calipers, check the spark plugs (when cars actually had spark plugs). I remember going out to dinner with him, and how he opened my doors for me, pulled out my chair, found out what I wanted to eat and ordered for me. Always wanting to make sure that I was happy.

I will always love his voice, his hands, the way he smells and his little smile. Yes, I will always love my Daddy. The first man to make me feel safe and secure, the man who has always been the example of how a man should treat a woman, and how I should expect a man to treat me.

And he gave me the best Christmas present I have ever been given. One he hand made a wonderful case for my Barbie Dolls, complete with a little mirror for them, a place to hang all their little clothes, and he even hand made these little wire hangers for all their clothes to hang. I still have it and it is one of my most cherished possessions.

For these and so many reasons, too many to list, I am proud to call Jim Burch my Dad. If I could have looked out and chosen who my father would be, I would have chosen you.

Love you Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, family, father | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Lot

Posted by adalamar on June 19, 2015

A lot

The dictionary says a lot is a large number or amount; a great deal; much.

It has taken a lot to get me here today.

It has taken a lot of miles, down dirt roads, paved paths , with a many footsteps.

A lot of jumps and leaps of faith, and irregular beats and a lot of movement.

It has taken me a lot of years, a lot of prayer and a lot of, so much of, hard core steel.

It has taken a lot of stubbornness, just simply too much, too unwilling to not make it

It has taken a lot of grit. And Dirt and dust and mud.

It has taken a lot of crawling, on my knees, on my stomach when I was too weak to stand, face to the ground, too low to even see the horizon sometimes.

It has taken a lot of strength. It has taken a lot of feeling, and stretching, and tearing. A lot of breaking, a lot of leaking, a lot of ripping and tripping.

It has taken a lot of pain. A lot of, more than can possibly be counted, more than can be fathomed in the mind, of tears, and heartache, that goes so deep that even the soul seems shallow in comparison.

It has taken a lot of weakness, of mine, of others, of theirs and yes, even of yours, so much of yours, to get where I am. A lot of talk, a lot of yelling and lot of screaming, in my mind what I wanted to say, but could not say for a lot of, so many, reasons.

It has taken a lot of heart beats, each one, one by one, tearfully, painfully, regretfully, lovingly, angrily, mournfully, let go, one at a time.

It has taken more love, more hope, more compassion, more feeling, more of everything, a  lot more of everything than I ever imagined possible, even in my deepest dreams, or baddest nightmares, or most fearless daydreams.

It has taken a lot of you, a lot of them, a lot of those. And most of all, it has taken a lot of me. Taken so much of me, that I have wondered is anything left of me?  Is any me left in here?

It has taken a lot of stress and loss, and a lot of gain.  It has taken a lot to forget a lot of things. It has taken a lot of my blood, my sweat and the sweet taste of him. It has taken every bit of life, every drop, unwanted, unaltered, unadulterated, unplanned and undiscovered, to get me here today.

It has taken a lot because I wanted to be here today. A lot because, mostly because, all because, I wanted to be here. I wanted to say I am still here. I wanted to see the other side, and see the color of the sky, and the warmth of the sun, feel the wildness of the wind, hear what it has to say to me, deep in the dawn. I wanted to speak to the sunrise and breathe with the sunset.

But first it took a lot.

And now, it is a a lot better than I thought it would be. The sky is a  lot brighter, the wind is a lot lighter, the air is a lot crisper and my heart is a lot, so much more full.  Life is a lot btter. And here I am.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fear Facing

Posted by adalamar on June 17, 2015

Always do what you are afraid to do. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear. Even the word is unpleasant.  What is it, why is it that sometimes we get so wrapped up fearing what we fear?  I was once asked the question, what would you do if you were not afraid? At first this question may seem a little silly, but think about it for a second. Would you be a singer on stage?  Climb a mountain?  A famous actor? Flip your boss the finger and walk out? What about the kind of fear that is a little more subtle…emotional fear.  What would you do if you were not afraid?

There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. – Andre Gide

Would you trust someone?  Would you love someone?  Would you let your guard down?  Say I love you?  Say I can’t love you? Would you stand up for yourself more, or defend someone else? Would you reach out and risk rejection, if there was no fear?

I say I am stronger than fear. – Malala Yousafzaa

In this day and age of making the most of fear into headlines that sell, it may seem and feel counter initiative to face that which you fear most.  But I think sometimes, it is exactly what needs to be done.

I think fear holds us back in the worst of ways and keeps us from being the best we can be, living our best lives as our best selves.  It keeps us in our safe little shells, never knowing the warmth of the sun, or the trill of the wind. But we are human, and fear is a very basic and human emotion. So what do we do about it? I am facing my fears, one step and one day at a time.  With knees shaking, heart beating, sweaty palms, mind racing, what-ifs running, throat in my chest, but I am doing it.  And it is…scary.

Don’t be afraid to see what you see. – Ronald Reagan

What is it that I fear exactly?  Rejection.  Not being loved. Being thought of as less than, even though I know that I am not. Of being vulnerable. Of being disappointed. Of not being wanted, and being tossed to the side. Of letting go. Sometimes we get so caught up in our fears that we forget to ask – what is the worst thing that could happen? For me – …nothing really. They are all things I have experienced before, and I am still here, alive and kicking. And still, my knees are weak.

Maybe it’s not so much about what happens afterward, but more about the fact that you faced your fear in the first place.  Maybe, that is where ground is gained. And I can walk away knowing that no matter what happens, I am better off for fear facing. And from this comes a new though: Let fear face me, not the other way around.

Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself. – Samuel Butler

And in that, maybe we can uncover that which we are trying to find and crave most.  Maybe we can find ourselves by losing the fear. In addition to my self growth, I am walking away from those people and situations that no longer serve me or are in my best interest.  Because fear of being with the wrong people in my circle makes me step out of my comfort zone and re evaluate from time to time.

So let go, face off, square up, and buckle down. It may be a bumpy ride, but I promise, it will be worth it when you get there. Shed the fear to gain your life.

Posted in ADALAMAR | Leave a Comment »

The Rest is Still Unwritten

Posted by adalamar on May 28, 2015

Sometimes, in life we look around and realize that a new chapter is beginning.  Chapters may close simultaneously leaving room for other things, people, places, experiences, jobs…adventure.  And this can be scary, but exciting at the same time.

And this is where I find myself.  Suddenly I look around and the life I have led over the last four years is not the landscape which I see.  It has all changed, chapters have closed, and I look at the blank canvass before me.

I have long said that we have the ability to write the life that we want, The Life We Build. Still, though, sometimes things happen outside of our control and we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, living the life we did not write ourselves.  And that also happened to me, over the last 4 years especially.  While I do not regret anything, and know I did the best I could, it was very hard. The emotional cost was very high.

When we love and experience pain, life carves out deep spaces within us and imprints our soul forever. We carry those experiences with us and then slowly, surely, as doors close and others open, and those new expereinces and people happen to us, love fills in the cracks and and makes us whole, makes us stronger.  But that also requires some letting go. And that letting go has poured out of my soul, out of swollen eyes and onto wet cheeks, even onto the shirt of a good friend. And just like the rain, those tears have cleared away the dust and pollen and left everything clean and fresh.

Now that I look around, and realize the tough times are over, I want to spread my wings and celebrate.  I want to make that that I wanted, and start to build 4 years ago.  And I am starting now.

A new job is starting, with new writing assignments, new people and new adventures.  I am in a new house, a new back yard, new patio, new grill and new garden with new little flowers blooming.

I am taking new kickboxing and belly dancing classes. After cleaning out and letting go of all of the old, I am now ready for all of the new. I am working on a goal board, which I have not done seriously in many years.  I am setting goals visualizing and creating the life I want. I am writing this new chapter and it is going to be spectacular. It feels so good to have my life back.

And Love, Yes I am putting myself out there again.  I’ve joined a dating site, something I said I would ever do again. But this time with a new attitude.  I am searching not from a place of emptiness, but from a place of full.  I don’t need anything from anyone, I don’t need a partner…I want one.  I want someone real, and deep, and strong to make me a part of their life and for them to be a part of mine.  I want to laugh a lot, take new adventures together, grow and love together. I want to dance in the kitchen, talk all night until we fall asleep, snuggle up on the couch and travel too.

But most of all, I want someone who sees that I am worth it. Who isn’t afraid to be 100% committed to being in a relationship and seeing where that goes.  I am tired of little boys who are afraid of everything in a relationship, afraid to be open and have others open up to them.  Afraid to be needed, or wanted or depended upon.  I am ready, and I want someone who is ready too.  And if it doesn’t work, that’s OK, at least I took that step and believed, and tried and trusted and jumped.

So this is it, the first page of this new chapter.  Sometimes all the new can be scary, and that’s OK. I am scared too, and excited.  So what’s in store?  Who knows…the rest is still unwritten…

But I can;t wait to see where this story goes!

Posted in ADALAMAR | Leave a Comment »

Remembering Rex Holiday

Posted by adalamar on May 13, 2015

The world lost a great soul today. Rob/Rex as many called him.  I called him friend, and it was an honor.  He ‘discovered’ one of my best friends and me, hired us and put us to work at the local radio station in my hometown- and inspired me to start what would be a 15 year career in broadcasting.  He was one of the best bosses I have ever had and he constantly encouraged others to be the best they could be.

I wrote a piece called Your Awakening several years ago, a piece about my search for love. And his response is below; describing his life and reassuring me that nothing was passing me by, that life not going as planned is a blessing, that I am, and what is inside of me right now, is enough, that I need not keep searching for what I thought I was missing in myself.  For he was a great writer as well.  Please enjoy the glimpse into the soul of a beautiful human being.
*****************************************************************************************

Your Awakening Response:

Maybe.
I see it this way: from a guy who has pissed away more great chances in a week than most men will see in a year: I’ve been allowed to see incomprehensible scenery connected to a brain that “gets it”.
Without those missed chances I would have: never been able to speak of the pain of an aborted father in the throes of post-regret, nor spoken to others who are bleeding the same way. Never known the kind of fervor and spit and fire it takes to speak my mind into a howling wind and actually made it slice through.
Never known the dubious pleasure of bringing down a pseudo-Napoleon living as king of his particular hill in a school system I pay for.
Never heard the voice of a now-relieved-son thanking me for helping his invalid grandmother out of a winter storm
Never had the ocean-powered wave of gratitude wash over me when I, alone, stood with one, wrongly accused, against a courtroom full of antagonists. (Not-guilty, by the way)
Never known the sheer power of being the one in the fray who is COMMITTED.
Never been able to speak of true, unrequited, ripped-apart love to an adolescent who’s going through the same thing.
Never known the joy of vocally and VERY audibly cheering a teenager when they finally excelled at something and got their due for it.
Never seen the pain in a true friend’s eyes when they buried their youngest. Never been able to hold them and let them cry the way they would only in a true friend’s arms.
Never been blessed to help bear the pain of someone you love on any level.
Never felt so dirty and ashamed as to chase even my closest friends off.
Never felt the heat of a South Georgia summer.
Or the cold of a Kentucky ice storm.
Or the power of an Alabama thunderstorm.
Or the thundering beauty of a Mississippi sunset.
Or the caress of a Tennessee mountain morning.
Or the complete release of a hearty and block-shattering “KISS MY ASS” to authority.
Or of watching the pain
the pleasure
the ecstacy
the victory
of discovery.
Would never had heard the crowd’s approval swell like a big gentle wave in the warm Gulf.
Or my new bride, taking such care to dress in some kind of frilly underpinnings complete with garters and white stockings say, “…do you mind if we don’t”, on my wedding night.
Not a bit. I just drove three hours through nowhere, Mississippi to say to the hotel clerk, “I’ve waited 31 years to say this: I just got married, and I need a room.” I was tired. Be real.
I would have missed words like, “I do”, “You may take your planet home”, “Would you hand me the piano?”, “I want to try everything, tonight.”, and “Honey, wake up. Hannah Newton was killed last night in a car wreck. John was right behind her.”
Not all of these are pleasant or desirable but they are rich. A mosaic of life. If we didn’t like imperfection and character, photographs would far outsell paintings. It’s what we’re here for.
I would have missed the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd, and the cussing of the GM.
And I would have missed you and your smile.
Most of all.
Stop searching. It’s already there.

Rex Holiday

 

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Rex Holiday | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Story of Life

Posted by adalamar on May 2, 2015

Life is messy. We have to, in our lifetime, deal with betrayal, lies, heartache and false friends. But in the end, those that try to harm us and hurt us only make us stronger. Better. And they hate that. The best revenge truly is simply being happy and living a fabulous life. And when you move on, happy and confident, it is your life returned to you. And each time we feel pain, we feel it a little deeper in our soul, until we are the beautiful, complex works of art we were meant to be. But life must carve out those deep spaces in us first.

When I was 19 I read a book called the Prophet. Amazing book. It changed my life. In it was the passage that said:

“But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.”

I decided right then and there, at the tender age of 19, that I would live a life that was full – full of love, sorrow, joy, tears, laughter and much, much more. I decided that I would make my life the great epic novel it could be. I have been soared above the clouds and crashed below the ocean. I have made mistakes and paid dearly for them. And I would do it all over again. Because in the end, everyone, those who like me and those who do not, will never be able to deny that I lived and loved with my whole heart.

But this life wears you out sometimes, wounds you, gives you scars. They heal, yes, but scars they leave just the same. And then we wake up, all tattered and torn, and wonder about our lives and get very introspective. I wonder if the choice I made to live life to the fullest, both the good and the bad, was the right choice? Then I read the following quote from a book titled Kisses from Katie:

I was like the Velveteen Rabbit. I was tattered and worn out. I’d been hurt and scarred and banged around a bit in the past year, but God was using all those things to help me become real. I was coming to understand that what it means to be real is to love and be loved until there is nothing left. And when there is nothing left, and we feel we’re all in pieces, God begins to make us whole. He makes us real.

These words spoke to my heart and soul. And I realized that only in living life to the fullest, can we truly honor God’s plan for us. Only in experiencing and loving till there is nothing left, can we honor the life we are meant to live. The desire to live a meaningful life of purpose is universal. It is in our bones, our blood, our humanity. We strive.

Because in this life, what really matters? It is not the big house or expensive things, though they may give us enjoyment. But they are not real. What is real is loving, playing, working, kissing, living, with all your heart. Those we hurt us show us who we are supposed to be, and give us the life we are supposed to have. They help us reach the heights we only would have imagined. So I thank all those who helped make me real.

Life fills us up, carves us out, makes us grow.  The pain we feel might crack, bruise, or maybe even break us for a bit, but then life, faith and love pour into us, filling up the cracks and crevices, making us stronger, better than what were  before, or even what we thought we could be. This is our journey, our story of life.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, bucket list, Building a life, chances | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

And Should I Fall

Posted by adalamar on May 2, 2015

When you are a writer, you write on anything and everything you can get your hands on.  I have scribbles on napkins, paper towels, envelopes, note pads, receipts, scraps of paper, deposit slips…I have been going through my writings and found this gem from 2/2013. Enjoy!

If I Fall
And should I fall,
Hold my hand
Help me up and brush me off
Help me to dry land

And should I fall,
Treat me well.
Be gentle with this heart
It has been bruised before

Understand the fiercest of hearts
Is so because it is so tender
And so very vulnerable
But only when I feel safe to relax

And should I fall
Be ready for the best
Worst, scariest, most beautiful
Most amazing experience of your life

Ada Burch
2/28/201

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, bucket list, Building a life, career, celebrating, chances | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Contagious

Posted by adalamar on April 29, 2015

In life, you never know who you are going to meet, where you might meet them or what affect you may have on each other. And whether it turns out to be a long friendship, relationship, or just a pleasant conversation, the twists and turns these people bring to our lives are priceless.   This was my experience today as I sat and ate lunch at a popular little place.

This has been a time of transition for me, as many very difficult chapters have come to a close. This has left me a bit weary and a bit melancholy for the wear.  I am stepping back, taking a break, slowing down and recharging my batteries a bit. It has been a tough road, and sometimes we just need to take a breath, and dust ourselves off before starting back again.

The conversation with this woman came at exactly the right time. She was very friendly and enthusiastic. She was passionate about what she did, and her purpose. And as I talked with her, her passion and enthusiasm started to rub off on me.  And I started to smile a bit and laugh. And I felt better about my day, and my writing and my goals.

She is retired military, a life coach, divorce counselor and public speaker who wants to empower women and young people.  It was clear she does what she loves and is very grateful.  She was a breath of fresh air and a much needed reminder to this tired soul.

And when she left, she left me in a much better mood than I was before.  And then when I asked for my check, I found that she had already taken care of it. A very sweet gesture from one woman to another. And I will pay it forward to continue the good will.  And whether or not I ever meet this lady again, she inspired me to have a better day and a bigger smile.

And that’s the thing about life. You never know what might happen, who you might meet or the experiences you might have that are unplanned along the trip.  And would we really want it any other way?  We must always stay curious about life, those around us and the possibilities that are just around the corner.  We must always be aware that, in essence, we are all in this together, this journey of life.

We may get discouraged, we may fail 100 times or more, before even one success. We may have a hard time, we may be beaten down, weary, tired, feeling low.  But we can reach deep down inside, where the soul meets the spirit, and start the upward climb.  And when we get there, there will be others just like us, who have come a long way too.

And on a personal note, I took this as  Godwink, a little way to show me that I am on the right path, doing the right things.  And that everything will be OK and work out. I just need to be patient, have faith and hold on.

So join me, in my climb. Lets try and encourage each other together.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, Building a life, celebrating | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Friendships that Bind

Posted by adalamar on April 16, 2015

A word has been on my mind as of the last week, and what it means to me.  Friendship.  It means so many thing to so many people. And indeed, friendship can have meanings and manifestations for us in our own lives.

I believe that I am surrounded by the best friends in the world, and the past few weeks have really shown that to me very clearly.  The people in my life, that I am blessed to call friends, are fiercely loyal and help, in a heartbeat, when needed.  Not when it’s convenient, not when they can, or after this or that. But there, when you need it, no questions asked. In the time of despair, or darkness, or need.  They are right there, beside me, in the rain, late at night, with the laughter, wine, tears, support and love.

Yes they truly are my heart, and I am lucky to have them.

But they are not just the kind of friends who will be there for you, they are the kind of friends who love you, no matter what, warts and all, while still demanding that you be your best self.  This may sound contradictory, but it isn’t.  What do I mean?  I mean we all need, and are very lucky if we have, those kinds of friends who will call us out when needed. Those who will pull us aside when we get out of line, when we are not trying our best, when we are getting just a little outside of the acceptable level of crazy. They keep us grounded, and inspire us to be the best that we really, truly can be.

They are the ones who see us, in all of out faults and shortcomings, yet still believe in our potential. Which is why they won’t allow us to be anything less than what we can be. Yes, we may need some time to regroup, slow down, break down, melt down…but if we stay there too long, these are the friends that give us the kick in the pants we need to get ourselves out of there before we take up residence.

I have had my best friends call me out when making excuses, when I was not making the best choices, when maybe that dress did make me look…bad.  If my ego ever gets too big, my mouth too loud, my Grace too absent, my patience too thin…they will be right there, to tell me to put my big girl panties on, grow up, get over it, deal with it, snap out of it, grow out of it, break up with it, get it back, bury it, and what ever needs to be done to it. And I do the same for them.

In essence, your friends hold the mirror up to us, while over looking all the imperfections. They represent the best of everything we are, and what we wish we could be, while propelling us to be more than we thought might be. They are the space between the heartbeats, because in that is space is where live is contained.

I don’t know where I would be without these wonderful friends, who bravely follow, support, believe in, comfort…love.  In all my unloveable self. But they know, I am the same friend to them that they have shown themselves to be to me, we are that for each other. Friendship like this isn’t free, it must be mutually beneficial and reciprocated.

And as I sit at this keyboard and type, and sip a bit of wine, I realize just how blessed I am.  I didn’t always have such loyal wonderful people to call friends, for my heart to call home. And those are the friendships that bind.

And as I am transitioning from one area of my life to another, I am thankful to have them with me.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, bucket list, Building a life, career, chances | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Digging of the In

Posted by adalamar on March 29, 2015

Recently I read an article that talked about Today is one of my favorite things to read. It is a guilty pleasure, because there has always been a fascination as to how people work, what makes them tick and the many different perspectives there are.  Recently there was an article about the best traits for those who are mentally strong. Two of the characteristics were grit and curiosity.

I think another one, though it did not make the list, is perseverance.  No matter what, you can’t give up, you must be able to dig your heels in and just do it.

Sometimes we need a break, so step away and clear our minds.  This can do wonders for our mood, our perspective and our outlook. And then there are times to just take control.

I have taken several breaks lately, but I am thinking that is the wrong way to approach life right now.  Instead of running away, or taking breaks, I need to dig my heels in deep. One of the best ways to get the To-Do list done, it to start doing it.  So little by little, I will check off the list.

And already there is a good start:  Belly dance and kickboxing classes have been started to help with exercise and getting back into shape.  Things have been put into motion career wise and will soon take place.  The rental house is coming together. I am getting ready to paint, and smaller things like laundry and cleaning out the garage are coming a long as well.  I am studying grace and forgiveness, improving the frequency of my creative writing and planning the planting of the garden.

I am better when in motion, even though rest and relaxation do have their place.  But what was I thinking running away, instead of facing the long list of To-Do?  And after the list is done, before the next one is stated, that is when to get away, to celebrate, to enjoy.

Spring is here and Summer is coming, and if the timing is just right, all can line up perfectly. The time is now. Life is now. And I cannot wait, as a serge of optimism runs through me.  Digging into life is going to be delicious.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Driving Ms. Motivation

Posted by adalamar on March 29, 2015

We all go through those times in life were we have to take pause and figure out our next move. And sometimes it can be difficult to get motivated to take the first or second step, especially if we have felt overwhelmed or burned out.  It be difficult to get out of a rut..

Recently I have had trouble just doing it, whatever it is that I have planned for my next move, getting motivated to really put 110% in all of my projects and pans.  This is new to me.  I am usually very driven and serious about obtaining goals I have set for myself.

This week, I watched a friend’s video challenge about working out, and she asked, how do you get out of a rut? How do you stay motivated? This started me thinking…what does make people motivated? What drives you? From where does the passon come? And where is mine?

And so I asked, many friends, to share  their thoughts on motivation, passion and drive. One  of my friends said he plays drums, or goes to a park to eat and think or makes love to his wife. Another says what motivates him to keep going, even after failure, is to be better for his children and to show them that you have to keep going and keep trying always. To never give up.  He also wants to show them, through example, to always follow your heart and your dreams. And Yet another friend said it was his curiosity and sense of adventure that motivates and drives him to his goals. He wants to see if he can do it.

One of my best friends says when she is in a rut, she thinks that you have to step out of your comfort zone. She also sets realistic goals, prays a lot and has faith that anything is possible with God. Another friend says she meditates and says affirmations that help give her strength when she is tired.

All of these are great answers and reasons. For me, I think it is going to be a combination of all of these reasons and rationales.  I am stepping out of my comfort zone, quite a bit, stretching, reaching to grow and be better.  I pray and try to have faith, though sometimes it is hard and I fall short.  You should always follow your dreams, and indeed I am living them by being a writer. But there is still something else that is missing.

The trick is to figure out how you want you life to feel, and be motivated to follow the steps to make it so (yes, I did just quote Star Treck). There are personal and professional goals that have been set.  Bridget Jones and I are looking to loose that illusive 20 lbs. Taking my career n a different direction, finishing the book, projects on the rental house, and saving money are all on the agenda. OH, yes and finding my motivation.

And I think sometimes, when you have felt overwhelmed, confused, unsure, insecure or even a little lost, sometimes you just have to reach deep down inside, where the soul meets the ground, and pull your motivation up from deep within. You have to just do it, by sheer force of will, even when you have no desire to do so. Lack of motivation can be the motivation, to get past it, baby step by baby step. And the thing about baby steps, is that eventually you will travel miles.

And I never want to settle, never want to stop striving to be better, a better person, a better writer, and better friend, daughter, a better me.  And I want to be of service to others.  I am truly the happiest, when I am serving and helping other people for whom I care. To lavish love, care and friendship on those who are closest.  This is what makes me, my life, feel the best. And I want more of that.

And that is the thing about life, the gift of it, is that this life is ours to write  We write the life that we want, the story we want.  And if we really could have a map that tells us exactly how to get where we want to go, straight from point A to Point B, would we really want to take that straight path? Or, would we still choose the meandering sidewalks, and all those wonderful, unplanned people, magical moments, tears, laughter and stories that happen along the way?

Who cares if things get a little out of order on the journey?  And what does it matter if we have to put out a sign every now and then that says “remodeling, please excuse the mess”?  It’s ok, we can do it.  We can have the life we want to feel.

And what do I Ant? A job that is creative, where I can work in a good collaborative environment, a book that sells many copies and inspires people to laugh and love. and in love, I want a man who I can laugh with, trust, and who makes me feel loved and wanted. In essence I want a life that feels good. And I can get there one baby step and one prayer at a time.

***Thank you to all my friends who contributed their insights on motivation, drive and passion.****

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, bucket list, Building a life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Where the Woods Meet the Water

Posted by adalamar on March 6, 2015

We all have those moments, those trips in life that give us some space and perspective.  Some quiet time to release thoughts and ponder of decisions and as my travel partner takes a nap I type on the balcony, fingers flying across the keys like they have not done in quite a while.

My writing and creativity has been a bit stifled as of late. Sometimes you have to work through things before you can write about them. And I plan my future, adding details and filling in the blanks about what, where and how to get there. It’s a universal theme for many these days, the planning of what is to come, the goals we record to attain the life we want, well lived and well loved.

And as a cool breeze crossed my café, I think about many things when I was younger, and all that has brought me here today.

When I was 23, I knew I was good with words and good on a dance floor on a Saturday night.  I knew I was petrified of relationships but desperate and anxious for a man to love me. And I did fall in love, ridiculously in love, with a man who is still known as the love of my life.  Whose name I called, whose voice I still know, whose laughter still rings in my ears, even now when I talk to him and both of us have moved on from that place.

I knew I was hard-working and kind. I knew I’d spend the rest of my life devoted to my parents and my family.  I knew my address wouldn’t last long in the stifling, sticky enclaves of south Georgia.

But, I didn’t know a hell of a lot more than I did know.

Because you can’t anticipate the explosions, the messes, the deaths and the self-destructions of your 20s 30s and 40’s. You simply cannot anticipate Life.  You’re unable to forecast adultery, deceptions, newfound passions, and those alluring and unexpected opportunities that rock the certainties you’ve stood upon for as long as you can remember.  You can’t calculate and control feelings.  You can’t anticipate that moment you’ll become so entirely undone that you don’t even recognize the strands of self billowing out behind you, catching the wind and drifting away before you can grab hold again.

And there’s no escaping any of it, of course.  There’s no preparation either, other than the slow, steady build of a reserve of good friends, good wine, self-confidence, humor,  and courage—the pillars that, like Rome, won’t fall down when everything else does.

The pillars that, years later, decades later, remain, however cracked, however faded, however damaged.

I told this bright and eager young woman my heartbreak story tonight, and that time, those years, that one man, that part of me—it sounded so far away.  It sounded old.  And maybe that’s because even though my life has taken a radically different course than I’d ever imagined or hoped for, I’m making it work for me now, and I’m happy, fresh, acutely present and appreciative.

She studied me, and she crinkled her beautifully unwrinkled eyes, and said that it takes quite a woman to bounce back from such blows, such bleeding.

It takes quite a woman for many things:

Birthing a child, raising a good citizen of the world, burying a parent, contributing thoughtfully to society, giving generously, moving through the days mindfully and healthfully, constantly pushing against barriers and prejudices, surviving the betrayals, heart aches, lies and mis judgments, supporting and nurturing partners and families and friends, learning, teaching, loving, loving always—even when the heart beats slow and heavy and weary, and those pillars you yearn to lean against stand oh so far away and out of reach.

And as the sun sets, and the waves rise, as trees on the balcony shake their leaves, I sit back and let out a long, deep breath. It’s quite and adventure, this illusion of planning, this game called life that goes on. .And I think, maybe I have found my place, this weekend away, where I can write, where the wood meet the water, and both country and beach can exist. But life always marches to it’s own beat, and all we can do love well, be our best and hold on tight.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, adventure, bucket list, Building a life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Human Touch

Posted by adalamar on March 6, 2015

The human touch, something we may not think about every day. But yet it is so important in this day and age. And the daily rush of life and virtual everything, Facebook, Skype chats and online dating, maybe we lose sight of a simple part of humanity.

It was my turn, I thought, after waiting for a little while at the nail salon Time for a visit and a little treat for the trip to the beach. Soft hands and pretty red toes, a treat I had not allowed myself for a long time. And as my feet went into the hot water, and I picked out the colors, I felt the stress melt away. The stress of far too long, far too much, and far for little.

And then it started, the human touch, as they softly, sweetly, expertly applied the lotions and the salves to skin, taking off layer upon layer of what life had made harsh. The callouses of life, of making it, of surviving and fighting and living and loving.  And in that moment, I became acutely aware of just how long it had been since I had felt the simplest human touch. Nothing erotic, just human kindness?

When you are single, living alone, you really don’t encounter much change for human touching, outside of the sexual. And even on a relationship, touch may be few and far between depending on geography, time and the space between. Certainly my most recent relationship to go down in flames was practically devoid of any affection outside of the bedroom. No holding hands, no soft caresses, no affection, as fear replaced tenderness.

And in that moment, in that salon, with those strangers gently massaging lotion and applying color, I cried. Soft tears rolling down my cheeks as just the simple human touch resonated deep within me. How long had it been? I don’t know still.

There is a healing in the touch of human to human. A knowledge, a recognition, that we are of the same. How often to do mistake online chats and conversation for the same humanity as face to face, and seeing, feeling, hearing, touching someone else.  It used to be that digital was used when geography made meeting impossible. But now what has been used to make our business lives convenient has made out personal lives less, personal. And at what cost?  After all, it costs nothing to hug someone, hold them, give a pat on the back or a comforting embrace.

And I wonder, if all this technology has made us even more remote and isolated than ever before, even with instant communication at our fingertips? But then, how much true human communication can we really have over the digital? Words, tones, body language, facial expressions, even sarcasm, completely missed.

And as I walked out, pretty hands and feet, I vowed to live a life more touching.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life, celebrating, chances | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Promise of Summer

Posted by adalamar on March 4, 2015

It’s getting closer, you can feel it in the air.  It’s stirring in the undercurrents of the wind. It’s coming, with the warming of the weather.  It is Spring and Summer.  Today, for the first time in many months I drove home with the windows down, radio up and shoes off. It was magnificent.

It has been a long, cold, hard winter, and I am ready for the good stuff.  There is a trip to the beach this weekend, and many more weekend trips to come. There is an actual vacation scheduled, the first in several years. And a new place to live promises great evenings on the porch, ready for wine and conversations.

My father’s cancer has slowed and will soon be in remission, my career has steadied, and family responsibilities are low.  After the past few years, I am ready to come out of the cocoon, transformed, gilded by the fire of difficult times, baked in the harsh light of heartache, set to cool in a body of tears. It is time to experience the promise of summer.

It is the promise of lighter times, smiles and laughter, warm days, cool nights, backyard Bar B Qs and late nights in. It is friendship and hugs, live music, street festivals, patio margaritas, and birthdays and weddings, and celebrations of life. I want to feel the wind blowing in my hair, as I drive with the windows down, friends with me ready for adventures and road trips to fun places. Chili cheese dogs at a Braves game, movies in the park, dancing in the rain. It is, in essence, the promise of hope. And just as the new leaves peek out from the safety of their branches, so must I leave the safety of my comfort zone.

And this year, this summer, I am looking for it. Love.  Not just a summer fling that turns cold with the first winds of Autumn, I mean the real thing.   Little boys dressed in mens clothing who are afraid of relationships need not apply. I want slow dancing in the kitchen, late night conversations, hand holding in the park, long hikes in the woods, conversations you never want to end, slow, rich, passionate kisses that make you dizzy. To find comfort and solace in another human being and be vulnerable right down to the core.  To build something larger and deeper than myself.

I feel like, for the first time in a log time, I am free to follow dreams, hopes and dsires that make life worth living. I want to set this summer on fire with life.

And I pray to bring the right kind of people into my life – those who match my level of integrity, faith, loyalty and honor.  Much heartache and drama can be avoided by not assuming that just because you get along and have compatible personalities that they are meant to be in your life and close to you.  It takes time, and seeing the clues as to who people really are, or at least not being blind to them.

And so as the weather gets warmer, my hopes are high. For everything good this summer, for love and laughter of friends and family. New experiences, old hang outs, and lasting memories to be made. The moments of building a life, living and loving well all the while. Yes, all of this is held in the promise of summer.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, Building a life, celebrating | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Posted by adalamar on February 25, 2015

Bargain Bin heartache

Bargain bin heartache
They go for a dime a dozen
So many on the street
From everyone all the way to your cousin

Hurry, hurry Get it all right here,
Hurry up now,
get it now while it’s hot
Empty your pockets boy
Let me see what all you’ve got

Ain’t she a beauty?
Up there on the stage
And if you hurry up and buy now boy
You can even keep the cage.

Don’t pay those tears no mind
They’ll dry up in time
Just say a few kind words, ya hear?
Her self esteem is on decline.

It’s just a bargain bin heartache, boy
As common as the cold
But just shine her up a bit
And no one will ever know.

Say the right words to her
And she’ll let you inside
Don’t matter if you mean them
Now, you’re taking too long to decide

She’s at a good price
For her age, condition and ware
But to get her out of those clothes boy
You’ve  got to pretend like you care.

So get her heartache in the bargain bin
You could find a treasure or two
But you really want to know a secret boy?
If you really love her, she’ll be good as new.

That’s the one and only polish boy
That don’t loose it’s shine
So take this treasure home, love her
And you’ll truly have a priceless find.

Ada Burch
7/12/2014

Running on fumes

I’m running in fumes baby
I got nothing left,
Exhausted and weary
Nothing to be kept whole

I got part of me only
A rip trodden heart
I am here in transition, stuck in first gear
I feel like things are in regression

Runnin on fumes, an empty tank
Ain’t nothing but Gods Grace an prayers
To get me through this journey
Feeling worn out,

Just one more step, I said 100 steps ago
Got at least another thousand on just this road to go
So please hold my hand, I might stumble and fall
Please understand if I don’t always come when you call

But dont give up on me, I beg you please
Once the soul is rested, I’ll again be one and whole
So just hang one with me
Because I am running on fumes baby..

Ada Burch
7/12/2014

Second hand heart

Take care of this second hand heart
It’s been given as a gift
Then given back
Over and again

It was given in earnest
Each and every time
Precious and carefully wrapped
Painstakingly thought though

But ones mans gift is another mans trash
And not everyone finds beauty in art
Or art in a sunset
Or love in returning eyes.

So be gentle with this second hand heart.
Tattered and torn,
But strong for the wear
And close the door softly shapd you leave.

.Ada Burch
6/15/2014.

No regrets

.I have no regrets, looking back on the landscape if this year, on this life. I have no regrets on what I have done and what has been left undone.

There are no words that haunt me, spoken or kept still. No actions that trouble my soul, no undone thrill.

There are no tears that have been dried or kept at bay, or escaping down my cheek from rims of wide weary eyes, that partake in regret.

No longing set free, no feelings left unturned. There is nothing to look back upon, and wish another way from me.

And as I look back at the rim of this year, this long, hard, undone, overdone year, that makes me want a other walk down the path to choose another road.

I am as for all of it, every bit. The complete all of it. I don’t regret a thing am am glad for it all, the good bad and the big and small.

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR, poems, poetry | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Ash of the Wednesday

Posted by adalamar on February 19, 2015

It is Ash Wednesday today and the start of the Lenten season.And this season is going to be packed full of challenges, I can tell already.

Lent is a time to quietly reflect on life and where you want to go, from where you are coming and what you want to be.  It is a time of reflection and discipline.  This year I am giving up soft drinks, which is actually harder to give up than chocolate. I’ve never given up coffee, for the safety of all those around me.

What do you do when it’s Lent and you are over your head in everything about life?  I don’t know for sure.  Lent is a time to simplify, but what happens when life is complicated in the 40 days before Easter? Maybe that is when we need our faith and discipline the most.

While talking to a wise man about the struggles of work, he said something that really struck me: In life, you have to be disciplined enough to not let you emotions rule what you do. You stay focused, show up and do the work you need to do.

Oh, but that can be so hard. Because we are human, because we are busy, because we do have bad days, and stress and emotions. Because we have hearts and souls that are imbalanced and beautifully, wonderfully imperfect.

But that doesn’t mean that we can’t try, every day, to be better, do better feel better.

This year I am working on so many things, to read more about Grace, daily, to exercise, keep the house clean, writer more (have about 5 blogs I have been meaning to write), work harder, take time for me, relax, water the plants before they shrivel into brown sticks with no leaves…

And maybe one day I will get there.  Until then, I am imperfect in my flaws of over being overwhelmed by everything on the to-do list. Amazed at the little miracles I see every day, constantly curious about how it is all going to work out, and humbly hopeful about the outcomes.

I strive for Grace on a daily basis and failed miserably today.  An aggravating day exasperated by lack of sleep due to no heat last night, I huffed and puffed, cursed under my breath, yelled out some curse words even, jumped in frustration, and cried in exhaustion.

And yet here we are in Lent.  So here we go, committing to do the best we can, tomorrow.

 

 

 

Posted in Ada Burch, ada lamar burch, adaburch, ADALAMAR | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »