Courage, strength, depth of character and leadership are often borne from traumatic times. Sometimes in life, we gain strengths and talents along the way, dealing with the curve balls we are thrown.
Someone close to me mentioned that I am a leader. Actually they corrected me when I said that I was not a leader at all. They told me that after watching me handle all the craziness in dealing with the estate, the family, the closing, the repairs after the hurricane and the subsequent fallout, that I was very much a leader.
And I have to say, that I believe him. I remember a day very clearly, when I was sobbing and praying in a tiny room at the hospital in Dothan Alabama. The hospital chapel was under renovation, so this room was the most that they could offer. Mom was dying and there was no one there to help or who knew what to do. My father was too heartbroken, my half siblings were ready to break out the champagne at my mother’s death, and my closest sister did not care at all and refused to come. They all just wanted the money when Dad died.
And I sobbed, and begged God to help me make these decisions that needed to be made, to lead the people related by blood, because I had no idea what to do or how to do. I begged for God to give me wisdom, Grace, and guidance, because I was not ready to do all of this alone. I was not strong enough, or smart enough, or good enough, or enough of a leader to do what needed to be done.
And over the last 2.5 years, I have come into myself and my leadership qualities. I have become comfortable with being the matriarch of whatever you would call those related by blood (I will no longer call them family). I have done all if it, some things well, others not so much, but it has been my best. I have led with a true heart and good intentions. I have been honest and forthcoming and I have been extremely tough when needed.
And now, it is coming to an end. And I look back and have to smile. One of the last gifts that Mom and Dad have given me is the ability to lead through fire,because with fire within me burn brighter, stronger and hotter than the fire around me. They have given me that ability, the reluctant leader coming into her own. They knew I could handle it, they had faith in my and their choice that I would. And that means the world to me. I know that I have not let them down.
I know that if I can lead my way, and those by blood through all if this, I can lead through anything. I am a leader. I do not seek it, but when it comes to me I will rise and deliver. That is what I have discovered about myself.
So when times get tough, when you are terrified and don’t think you have what it takes to make t through, trust me, you do. You are stronger than you think and you can rise to soar above all the minutia.
I sit comfortable in the chair of a leader, of a strong woman, and i=of a human being who can. And you should too.
Life is short. so is trauma. But the gifts you develop from that trauma, will last and carry you through the toughest of times.