To Be Me

Love this and am proud to have written it. 🙂

To Be Me

I am a woman,
Real, live, not imagined
Magnificent, amazing, dark
You cannot imagine the depth of me
Or the breadth of my smile
Or the source of my strength
Or the very essence

A woman, phenomenally me
I am real in the flesh
And you cannot control me
With remote, joystick or otherwise
I do not obey, and you cannot
Dampen or darken this light
Inside me; it is God-given

I will not be controlled
But I will blow the rules
Rock the boat,
Tell the truth and,
Call you out on lies
Or shortcuts on character
And misquotes and more

I am not here to please
Or pleasure or serve.
I am here to pray
And flourish
And throw my head back
In laughter and joy
And honor the live given to me

I am here to love
With my whole heart
And not settle for half done tries.
I am here to breath fire
Into this life and
Make it dance with the
Brilliance of my soul

I am here to be me.
Ada Burch 2/19/2017

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I Will Restore to You

“And I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten…” – Joel 2:25

Restore is a powerful word.  The dictionary defines restore as to bring back (a previous right, practice, custom, or situation); reinstate, to bring back to the original state. For me, that is what this Lenten season is about.

Lent is traditionally a season of deep introspection and contemplation.  A time wen we think about our lives and our Faith.  It is a time of discipline.  And I traditionally give up something for Lent, this year it is soft drinks, a guilty pleasure I do so enjoy. Last year I did not give anything up. I figured having to give my father up in death so he could return home to our father was enough. And it was.

This year is different.  This year, even in discipline, there is much joy.  There is promise, there is restoration.  I know that having faith, being disciplined in that faith and being the best version of myself that I can be, I will be restored. The last few years have been about loss, so much heartache. This year, after all the hard work of getting through it is about life, love and all the wonder the world brings with it.

And isn’t that the way it is in life?  We work hard, we get through the bad, hard times, we have just enough faith to barely having on, and then, it is done. And we are restored.  My hart as broken into a thousand peaces, and I got to know very intimately the laws of Loss and Grief and Sadness. Last year I was so empty that I had nothing left in me to give up.  Everything, every bit of me, every fiber of my being, was being used just to survive and get through.

There comes a time in life, where the pendulum swings in the other direction and the table turn, and your life is returned back to you. When you look up and realize that the baron fields have been replaced with fertile ground, steady ground, to plant and build your life again. Now I am being replenished.  Yes, there are still hard moments, I still cry for missing my parents and loved ones so, but my heart is full.  Life is good. I am no longer surviving. I am living.

So this Lent is meaningful and joyful in so many ways.  I am thankful to have enough in me, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, to be able to participate. And in doing so, God is restoring me and returning those years that I lost. It is said that you cannot turn back time or get it back in any way, and in many ways that is true. But what you can do is make your come back, so to speak.  You can appreciate much more, do more, be more than you were before.

And when your life is returned to you, even though that time has passed, you see that you really haven’t missed anything.  Life, love and all that they encompass, were right there waiting for you all along. And because you missed them, you have a deeper understanding and appreciation of them.

I am looking forward to the restoration, already under way.  And I am thankful for it.

 

 

Love and Bliss in Modern Times

What a difference a year makes. So much can happen, both good and bad. Growth can be exponential. Entire lifetimes can be lived in 365 days. And how often we look back in life and think we were were 1 year ago, 2, 5 or maybe even 10. We make mistakes, learn, we grow, we teach, we live. Each and each path is different. That is part of what makes life magic.

And so it is that I sit here I my bed, tired after a full day of work and play, pondering my path for the last year or so. I cannot even begin to explain the thoughts or emotions. A year ago today was the best thing that ever happened to me. A year ago, a break up from a very horrible and toxic relationship freed me from so many horrible moments, potential pitfalls and guaranteed heartaches. I didn’t see as such at the time, but hind site is 20/20. It seemed very painful, but it tooknme from where I thought I should be, and set me on the path God had for me. Now, the relarionship I have, my partner, a man with whom I am equally yoked, is truly amazing.

That life I left behind, so different from today. I thought about how my world turned upside down and now what seemed so foreign and uncomfortable is part of my every day life. I am in a different area, a different job, writing different things. The landscape of my life, not what it was. In this moment, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be, like I am finally on my path and on my way.

But I never would have gotten here, without first leaving my old life behind. Growth can be a painful part of life. But when the dust settles and the clouds clear, we are left with our purest version of ourselves, because everything else has been stripped away. And from there is where we grow. I guess God prunes us when he sees fit, when he sees that we are going and growing in too many directions. He prunes us for His purpose.

And when He sees that you are not on the right path, he will turn the world upside down to you can step where you should. I should not have been where I was a year ago or with whom. That is not the life I was ever meant to live. And I thank God every day, when I see contrast now.

As I sat at dinner tonight, a treat after some shopping, I thought about how blessed I have been. Love is all around me, so much so that I cannot escape. Not that I would want to. It has taken a while, but I have fallen in love with my life.

I do not know what they future holds. What I do know is that I am happy on This Valentine’s Day. I am most happy with those who are I my life, close to me, feeding my love, hopes, dreams and more. I am excited for what it means. I am happy with the love that I have found. I am blissful.

Love and bliss are rare in these modern times. And oh do I plan to celebrate.

The Bed

Another piece I write in 2014.  As the day of love approaches, look around…you probably have more love around you than you thought.

Bed of Love

 Yes, it is That day tomorrow, the day dedicated to love: Valentine’s Day. When I was younger, I was all into this day. I wanted the roses, the dinner, the gifts, the romance, the ALL of Valentines. Ah, how age has mellowed me out. I am still a romantic sap, but a bit more practical.
To me, whether single or attached, these days Valentine’s is about the every day love that we experience in our lives. And as I look around, I see so much love in my life. First, the love of my parents. Their love for each other and their family is truly inspiring. I can only hope to be as good of parents as they are.

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And my friends. I have so many who are there for me, day and night, through the good and bad, thick and thin. Yes, they are my heart, as it beats over and over.

These are the people who love me no matter how many times I make mistakes, trip and fall, spill things, put my foot in my mouth, break something, need help, forget something, when I look ugly, feel ugly, have gained 10 lbs, eat and entire pizza (not that that has ever happened), have a bad hair day, or month, spill a drink on them, or their significant other  (not that that has ever happened…)and countless other things too numerous too mention..

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And then there are my loves. Those men who have been in my life and are and have been the loves of my life. Most of them are still friends, and I cherish the time they have been in my life. They have been and filled the space between the heartbeats. Each and every one. The time between each breathe.

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And I think of how blessed I am, to have loved and top have been loved, and to be loved so much. In my life, in this new beginning, in this space and time, in this struggle, there is not a place I can go to get away from the love in my life. And it will just grow. Because that is what love does when it’s shared. And love is everywhere with me as I start this new beginning, this new adventure in life.

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And to all of them, everyone who is a source of love and light in my life; I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart

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http://youtu.be/k3m6vWsrMIU

Stepping Stones

I wrote this back in 2011.  and it is still true today…when we have gone through a bad time, we have a choice…

The Stepping Stone Theory

 We all have them, those bad times, those hard relationships, those broken hearts, the skinned ideals and the bruised egos.  But do those things have to define who and what you are?  How much power do they have over you?  The decision is yours.  This has come up in several conversations as of late…with my friends, confidants and potential dates.  I have long had a theory on this topic.

The years 18-20 were very tough years for me and many bad things happened.  One day when I was 21 and feeling sorry for myself, I had a revelation.  We all go through dark times…it’s how we choose to handle them that makes the difference.  We have a choice:  To let those bad times, and all that comes with it, to become a ball and chain around us that drags us down into a pit of fear, anger and bitterness. OR.  Or, we can use our bad experiences as a stepping stone to rise above and become better, stronger people.  The latter is the hardest, as it requires a great deal of strength, courage and determination.  It also requires a great deal of compassion.

I decided at the ripe old age of 21, that I would never have a ball and chain, I would never lower myself be subjected to the bitterness of it, I would not let those who hurt me make me as bitter and twisted as they were.  Last night as I spoke to someone who said they could not have a relationship because of the remnants of a bad relationship 10 years ago…I heard my 21 year old voice again.

We all have a choice – we are not nor do we ever have to be, the sum of all our wounds, hurts and broken hearts.  We have a choice.  And I have made mine.  And that is the beautiful things about choices, it’s never too late to make them.  It is never too late to change your destiny, attitude, life. So make the decision to climb up on the stepping stone.  Don’t worry about what happens if you fall…because there are plenty of people who love you who will be there to help steady your feet…if you just let them in.

What are the Odds? Who Cares

I am convinced that to accomplish anything in life, you must decide that the odds do not apply to you. At first this may sound arrogant, but it is not. The reason is that you have to make up your mind that the odds do not matter…because no matter what the odds are you will succeed. So why do they matter?

When my father was diagnosed with cancer, he was told that he might have between 6-12 months. But he lived and received treatment for 6 years, which is unheard of for liver cancer. I am not even sure they have odds for someone living that long after diagnosis. HE decided that the odds did not matter or apply to him. He had faith and prayed, he had treatments and took care of himself. And then he also had my another as his caregiver.

And my mother beat the odds as well. Back in 2001 she was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer and given less than a 1% chance. And she beat it. For 16 years and still died cancer free. She decided, even told the doctors that she was going to give them their 1%, because those odds did not apply to her.

You have to believe with such determination and such passion and such faith, that you cut a clear path through all the menucia and achieve. No matter what your dream is – to be an actor, a writer, retire early, climb a mountain, be a mother, beat cancer – you make up your mind. And the odds? Don’t even listen to them. You don’t need to know what they are. Because they don’t matter. Let the naysayers have the odds, make the calculations and talk about the results. You just put your head down and get to work.

When you make up your mind like that, are you really taking risks? Other’s may think you are crazy, and that is OK. The best people are. Mom sounded crazy when she told the doctors she was going to survive, Dad sounded crazy to say that he would be around longer than 5 years after the diagnosis. I was told many times that I was crazy to think I could make a great, or even good living, being a writer.

The odds don’t apply to you, so don’t even listen. All you need to accomplish your dreams is already right inside you. Everything you need is already there, and no one, not even the math wizards who get paid to create the formulas that tell us the odds can tell you anything. You make your own odds.

Where Are You Now

When the anniversary of the death of a loved one is approaching, it causes one to look back. At least it does for me. YOU look back and think of the timeframe. It has almost been a year and in addition to looking back on a year ago, I think about all that has happened in 12 months. I think about where I have been.

A year ago today, this weekend, my two half sisters came to visit to see Dad. I had urged them to come down and spend time with Dad before he was too sick and weak. He was going into Hospice so I knew there was not much time left. He was so happy they were there. His face lit up. He was so happy to see them, so happy to spend time with them, so happy that they came down just to see him.. He loved being around those girls and I had only seen him happier once – when all of his children came together for the sibling reunion. It meant so much for him.

There were a lot of changes happening and I wanted them to know that Dad would be well taken care of. He was not only going into Hospice, but moving into a wonderful retirement/assisted living facility. I had looked at about 7 places while Dad was in the hospital the week after my birthday and narrowed it down to three. Dad then chose which one he liked the best. The place was amazing and they truly cared for those who lived there. He also chose which apartment he wanted and it suited him well. I can’t say he was excited, but he was not dreading it. I arranged for the girls to have a tour so that they knew where Dad would be.

It was a year ago tonight that we were all together watching the Grammy’s. Adelle paid tribute to Prince and even started it over. Dad hated modern music, but wrapped up in blanket and watched with all of us just so he could be with the girls. The pervy ex was somewhere, phone in hand, contacting strippers and prostitutes, and making plans to leave just 3 days afterward.

You remember. And then you ask yourself – where have you been? And you think about that. I have been around the world and back a thousand times it seems. And here I am now. I work at a great company, have the best friends in the entire world, have a wonderful relationship, live in a nice house in a nice area, completely different from.where I was before. Very little about my life is the same as it was. And even though this month is a hard one, I am happy. I am still adjusting to the new normal and am not completely convinced that you ever get used to it, but I am good. Life is good and I am working hard every day top make it better.

You have to look up and recognize your path and where you have been. And when someone asks where are you now? You can answer and talk about that which you are thankful and recognize as good. Because that is how you grow. Even on the days when it is hard and you have to make yourself, it is worth it. Because you are stronger than the sadness and grief, because life is stronger than death and love is the strongest of all.