The Best Day

Rarely are there days that measure up to the fantasy in life, and if we are lucky, we get a few of those. And indeed, this day surpassed anything that I had imagined. And I had to savor it for a while, enjoy the wonderful splendid before sharing,

The trip was planned for months and we were both excited. We were going with great friends and my man’s God daughter up into the Colorado mountains for day hikes and good unplugged quality time spent together. A beautiful cabin where we could see the stars, hear the crickets, and enjoy the clean fresh air. We would cook, laugh, drink, hike, and have a great time. It was beautiful. The day before we left was a flurry of activity getting everything ready and packed. And then the morning of the trip, I only forgot one thing as we headed to the airport – my make up bag. But we were going hiking in the mountains, I wouldn’t need make up anyway…

The best day started out like any other – coffee in my PJs, but with the added benefit of siting out on the deck enjoying the crisp mountain air. Then it was time to get ready for our first hike. I was a little nervous as I haven’t been hiking at that elevation in a long time.

The start of the hike was good, but hot and I was sweating. The young girl who was with us had never been hiking or at that elevation, so I was thankful when she wanted to stop quite often to rest, because then I didn’t have to ask. As we hiked up toward the middle of the mountain it got cooler and soon I got a chill. My man and his best friend noticed that the clouds were gathering in the distance and it looked like rain, a lot of rain. At first they thought the weather wasn’t moving fast enough to get us, but they soon changed their minds as we picked up pace to the top of the mountain.

At first it was just a few sprinkles, then a few more and increased until it was a good rain storm. I was thankful that I had my raincoat and put it on as we headed up toward the peak. And then I felt several small hits on my head through the rain coat and looked to the ground…Hail? Was it actually Hailing? Yes it was. The last track to the top was a sprint as we all headed towards a hiking shelter. The five of us, soaking wet, got in laughing and happy for the structure, complete with benches, tables, nap space, and a primitive bathroom. We ate lunch and rested as we waited out the storm.

When the rain cleared it was time to walk around outside and explore the views. Our friends asked me to check on my man who was sitting up on a rock, while they looked around a bit. As I slid beside him and asked how he was, he answered that he was good, and was just thinking about what a long journey it had been. Me, not thinking anything of it, responded with something like, “Yes, but the rain and hail didn’t last long and look at this beautiful view!” I was about to find out how wrong and clueless I was.

He smiled, let go of my hand, stood up, turned around, and then dropped to one knee. He was almost halfway though before I actually realized what was going on. And in that moment, the whole world stood still.

“I love you. Will you marry me?”

I was shocked and had no idea he was planning to ask that day. I started crying and I wanted nothing more than that moment to l last…I took a deep breath and said…”Maybe,” and smiled ear to ear. And then burst into tears and said “YES!”

And that was the best day. A day that I was reminded of all my prayers that were answered when this man and I found each other. A day that will forever make me smile and ever so thankful that such a wonderful man loves me . And how blessed were are that we have a love, deep in faith, that will last.

US

An on the humorous side of fantasy versus reality, when a woman thinks about the moment the love of her life proposes, she automatically assumes she will look good – hair and make up done, and wearing a great outfit. In the reality of the moment…I forgot to pack my makeup so wasn’t wearing any for the trip. My hair was pulled back in a common pony tail, and a but frizzed from all of the rain and hail. I was wearing wet hiking clothes and I looked like a confused squirrel. And it made no difference. In that moment, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. And I am the luckiest and most blessed woman in the world to have this man by my side, in love.

The Road to Happiness

Recently it has come to me…I am happy. Beyond happy actually. I am blissful.  After a lot of hard work, life is wonderful.  I have a job I love, a lot of freelance work, a wonderful relationship with an incredible man, my family is healthy and life in general, is great.

There is travel this year – a trip the Bahamas this month, a family trip to Belize, a few trips to the beach, and a few out of town wedding.  There is also a wonderful family reunion with all of my siblings that I am so thrilled with and excited to have happen.

And it is all about love.  When you make your decisions with love, when you set your intentions on love instead of fear, magic happens.  I promise you.  Love in my family, love in relationships and love of life.

I have long since said that which gives you Peace will make you happy.  And life is peaceful. And wonderful. And loving.

iIt has been a long, hard road. And I have walked barefoot, in the snow, uphill – both ways…but here I am. Not just traveling on the road to happiness, but it seems to be where I have taken up residence.  And it feels delicious.  Yes, this Spring, this summer, will be spectacular.

The Birthday

It’s a very special day, the day you were born.  And it should be celebrated.  No matter how old or young you are, a birthday should be a celebration. It is the eve of my birthday and I am excited to finally begin.  Oh the year has been great so far, but it seems there have been tissues and cold medicine and coughing all night…that has gotten in the way of my month long observation of the birthday.

And I think back to where I was just a year ago, and how much better life is today.  I think back and shake my head at what a silly girl I was, just  year ago. Two years ago, and I have lost track of the person I used to be.  She is like a distant friend I used to know.

And that is how it is with life, love and the pursuit of happiness isn’t it?  Ever changing, ever evolving, and always interesting. And would we want it any other way?  Think of how boring life would be if we really could see into that crystal ball anytime we wanted.  Sure. it is tempting – that is why psychics are so popular.  But to always know what is around the corner?  No thank you.

Being older and wiser, I still have the same theory on life – always be curious. About everything. Ask questions, take changes, take risks, and always, believe in yourself. And love with all your heart. This theory has served me well in my years on this planet.  We may still make mistakes, have unpleasant happenings, but even those are chances to learn, grow and be better the next time around.

Today is not a dress rehearsal. And tomorrow isn’t promised. So drink it up, every last moment in life. And that, to me, is what this birthday and this year means.  I want to spend time with my loved ones, enjoy their laughter and stories.  Looking in the headlines of the three celebrities who have passed just this week from cancer, makes me acutely aware of how blessed my family has been. Now excuse me while I blow out some candles.

 

 

The season of…

Here we are in the middle of the most festive season of the year.  It is also the season of exhausted. And broke.  So much running around, shopping, visiting, catching up, driving in Atlanta traffic and rushing around.  There are 3 December birthdays in my family, plus my nephews graduation. And my father coming up for MRI scans to check his liver cancer (that’s still in remission – yay!).

It is the season of miracles, as I look at both of my parents who are in remission from terminal cancers. I am amazed how powerful prayer and faith are. And I remember this as I search from Grace in my own life and daily activities (many days I fail, but I always am striving to do better).

It is the time of wonderful Christmas commercials. For those of us who get emotional during PMS, watching TV with PMS at Christmas is like a minefield – every channel has touching commercials about military coming home, the elderly being invited over for Christmas dinner, rescue puppies being saved and such. Tis the season of a coffee or cereal commercial pushing me over the edge and reducing me a pile of tears. I just keep a box of tissues by the remote.

It is also a time when I miss some friends who have passed. Like one of my best friends in high school.   Wonder what she would be like now, and remember her smile and how she loved Christmas.  I remember Lavan Robinson, who was in charge of music at the small church I grew up in in my hometown.  Every Christmas Eve he would sing “Oh Holy Night” in a way that would give you chills, because his voice was so clear and beautiful. I can’t hear that song without thinking of him, and the many years I heard him sing it at Midnight mass. And most of all, I think of my best friend who I lost this year. I miss his text messages he would send almost every day.  And I miss just knowing that he was out there, that a human being as wonderful as he, was out there in the world. He and his wife were married on Christmas Eve, so this will be a rough holiday for her.

This year we are taking a Christmas tree to Mom and Dad’s and decorating it for them. There will be much love, laughter and hot chocolate no doubt. It is a time of being excited about gifts.  Don’t you just love it when you have a gift for someone that you know that are going to absolutely love?  I get so excited that it’s hard for me to wait. That is actually the reason I don’t buy gifts early – because I get so excited that I end up giving them before Christmas. (or at least that’s my story)

There are gifts for me under the tree …and they are driving me crazy.  I have been told that I can’t touch them…but when have I ever listened when told what to do? (It’s that problem with authority).  So I just gaze at them longingly from across the room by day. But they whisper to me at night…”come shake me,” they say softly in my ear. And so I must.  Still can’t figure out that they are. Which makes it all the more delicious.

And then there are all the Christmas Yummies.  Those are all the delicious things that are at the office, at the parties or just around at Christmas. There is a reason why most people gain weight during this time of year. And I already told all everyone if they notice a few extra pounds on me, I really don’t care. Because I am not going to pass up any Christmas Yummies. Life is short. Eat the chocolate. I can go to the gym when I’m dead. Besides, 70% of people make New Year’s resolutions to lose weight and eat healthier. I wouldn’t want to be left out. So this season, it’s all about the base.

But oh, I am so sleepy. While visions of sugar plums may dance on the heads of others, I think of a warm bad, soft blankets and squishy pillows. I think of curling up with my furry babies, all warm and nestled down in the covers. There are warm socks to wear, books to read, movies to watch while snuggling on the couch. Because it is also the season of small perfect moments and warm rooms. Mostly because, all because, it is the season of love.

Graduation Day

When I was 36 I prayed for something larger than myself.  I wanted to build something that would outlast me, something that was more important that just me and what I wanted.  A week later I got a call that my oldest nephew had been accepted to Southern Polytechnic University’s Mechatronics degree program. And there the adventure began.

When he was in high school, I whispered in his ear that he should come up to Atlanta to go to college.  I would be there, and I could help him with whatever he needed – food, money, laundry, car service, books, and supplies, whatever.  I promised him that whatever he needed, he would have. And indeed that is how it went.  He called when he needed things and there was much fun that was had  I was his “Almost parent” and I loved it.

He had to learn a few things on his own, like why you don’t take an 18 hour course load of all difficult upper level classes your first semester.  That was a tough one for him.  Or why you don’t drink all night before finals, or why you don’t mix light and dark liquor.  Things like why you want to talk to your advisor and why you do want to make friends with the ladies in the administration office.

Today he is graduating…today I will watch this man walk across the stage and accept what he has earned and worked very hard to obtain.  My heart is about to burst with pride.  My father and I will be there to see him (he says it’s a bigger deal to us than it is to him, which is probably true).

And I am ever so thankful for that day my prayers were answered. Everything was worth it to see this young man graduate today. He did it. Today he reminds me of what is truly important in life – it is not the things that we have, no matter how pretty or luxurious. It is those whose lives we touch. It is the promises we keep. It is lifting others and building something bigger and more important than yourself.

The Art of Staying Put

Be still and know that I am God

Many of us are familiar with  Psalm 46:10,   that says Be still and know that I am God.  To me this is saying be still and listen to the sound of God, listen to what the Voice of God is telling you.  And I have, especially in the dark times, prayed, been very still and listened for the answer. And it has always been there, somewhere, in a quiet place, in a quiet moment. And that voice has gotten me through man dark times.

But now that life is wonderful, do we still sit still?  Yes, I think we have to. This is especially hard for me on many levels. And as I still work to live a life of grace, it is something I struggle with on many days.

And in this time, it is beautiful thing. My life is brilliant and wonderful, after much hard work, lots of faith and even more prayer.  And I am loving every second of it.  But I must still work hard at stopping every now and then, and being very still, and listening.

And enjoying.  Yes, the rich, wonderful, joyousness that has surrounded me, all my prayers answered.  There has never been a time when I was not working hard to be better, do more, be more, working toward the goals that I have set for myself, within myself.

But here I find that I want to stay put, not move to the next moment, the next goal, the next accomplishment.  I want to stay right here, in the right now, in the deliciousness of all these moments with friends, family, with the man who makes my heart beat faster. I want to drink it in, soak it up and be immersed in this life.

But I also must take time to be silent and still, and hear the whisper that has answered prayers and soothed many tears in those dark days.  To breathe and enjoy, because there is nothing to run to or from, there is time to just be.  To relax. To Live. Yes, for the first time in this life, I am learning the art of staying put. And for that I am beyond grateful.

The Happy Coupledom

I’ve entered into a land which I have not been in a long time. The happy coupledom. Don’t get me wrong have dated, even fallen madly in love, but this…this feeling is new.

We were binge watching The Blacklist on Netflix, the best TV on TV. When we realized we were hungry. He created some egg dish in the microwave while I created a fusion of Chinese and Mexican by combining broccoli beef, Mexican cheese and sour cream in a burrito.

And as we ate our almost-middle-of-the-night, lets-raid-the-kitchen-hurried-dinner, I sat on the kitchen counter and he stood next to me. Both of us smacking and chewing, talking and laughing with our mouths full, not in the least bit self conscience.

We ate and enjoyed every last bit….and when we were done, I rinsed the dishes as he stepped outside to smoke. And I did the happy dance, right there in the middle of my messy kitchen. And my heart was full. Welcome to happy coupledom.

The Life in the Times

For the first time in many years I can truly say that I love my life.  Right now, at this moment, I have everything for which I have prayeed.  True, I have worked my ass of, but I could not have anything without the blessing which I have been given.  And it feels so very good to be here, in this place, where life is again wonderful and where laughter knows no limits.  Where smiles are lasting and my heart is light.

That being said, I still do not have a=everything together at all.  I thin kit is an illusion that people, anyone really, has there life completely together.  We are all a mess, somewhere, in some way, in our lives.

I am doing great work, loving life…and yet I seemed to have gained that other 5 (Ok, maybe 8) pounds that I lost.  So now I need to loose 15lbs before going to the wedding next month.  Oh, I can do, but I’ll have to give up a lot of chocolate…one of my many vices and addictions.  And believe me, chocolate is both a vice and an addiction in my life and world.  Trust me.

I managed to fold all the laundry, mostly, but the floor need to be mopped, I need to exercise, there are about 100 blogs and such that are buzzing around in my head that need to be written down and out of my thoughts.  There is dusting to be done, my book to keep getting together, Mom’s book to promote…and lets not forget about the lawn.  I have given up mowing it, so finally reached a yard guy today.  Yippie.

And I wonder, in this day and age of instant everything, more communication than we can shake a stick at and 24 hours news channels, why can we not et it all done and have it all together?  With all the modern conveniences, we should be able to just Get it done…or maybe not.

I think that is the wonderful, beautiful, messy and imperfect thing about being human. We will never have it all together. And either will anyone else, no matter how together they look. Trust me, there is a closet someone in their house that is a total mess, or they secretly have a fear of… sponges that no one knows about, or they don’t recycle. Or they are horribly clumsy (or maybe that’s just me?). Something, there will always be something that we are trying to get done, accomplish, improve, reach, or try.  And we will never have it done.  Because we are human and it is not in our nature to be perfect.

So stop trying.  And if we ever got it together completely, maybe we would.

From There to Now

What a difference a year makes…or 4, or more.  It truly is amazing all that can happen, all that can change, all that can make you different, stronger, wiser, better. All that can be learned, in that small span of time, in the blink of an eye, that adds up to a lifetime.

Facebook has this nice little feature called “On this Day,” tt makes recalling everything from 1 year ago, 2, 3, 4 and so on years ago very easy.  And when I  look at these memories, I am reminded of all that has transpired from there to now.

1 year ago – I had just found out This Mold house was indeed The Hose of Mold…I was sleeping on my sisters couch, and attempting to make the last chances of a childhood friendship survive. That friendship ended in disaster and hard feelings and a death of sorts.

There was the very new curiosity of a suitor who, as it turns out after pursuing me hard for 6 months,  would prove to view me as nothing more than a burden to be endured, and made sure I felt it too.

Dad’s cancer was not officially in remission, but he had not had a chemo treatment in sometime and was doing very well, which was good after all the family friction of previous few months.

Job wise, I was at a place that was very unprofessional and was miserable. All in all, I was in a terrible place, trying to figure out how to dig out of the hole that had become my life. The digging out had just begun.

And then I look at the landscape of my life now…and I really have no desire to even peak at the last years gone by. That is all in the past, where it should stay.  The only thing left is to say that I am proud of how far I have come, from there to here, proud of the strength it took to walk those miles, those roads, those places, in that darkness and confusion and despair.

I am proud of where there was, and how many baby steps I took, after each heartbeat, to get to the light of where I am now.  Proud of the tears, and perseverance, the tenacity and hope and prayer, and faith, and belief that it must get better. That what is bad and hard is only temporary, and that certainly I could make it just a little longer.

But mostly, I am thankful, so very thankful, mostly because, all because, of my friends, and family and faith that kept me moving, even when I was down and out.  Those who believed in me, said I was strong and capable, and could do it. because I was the one who could take the heat, the one they all said couldn’t be beat.

So very grateful for the souls who held me while I cried, listen while I vented, sat with me quietly, just watching TV, while I healed from all that had passed. Who fixed me dinners and coffees, and tucked me in, making sure I was safe and warm while in this sea of high waves.

But then again, who couldn’t survive, even thrive, with wonderful people around them like that?  I couldn’t have done it without the,=m, as strong as I am.  I am blessed to have them in my life, and blessed, honored and privileged to try to give it back to them, should they ever be in need.

As I look out now, at my wonderful job, great relationship, family’s health and so much more. I am smiling again, writing again (like crazy, it is pouring out). There is a spring in my step and I am singing, though badly, around the house.  There is joy once again. And I know I am not alone.  I wasn’t alone in the rough seas, and I am not alone now that there is celebration to be had.

And that is what this season, this winter, this upcoming year will be – The time of celebration. And healing. And that is the best thing about getting from there to here. Join me, won’t you?

That Fall Moment

There is moment, an instant that can be felt. You can smell, almost taste it, it in the air. It is the moment when the season changes from summer to fall. And it is delicious.

That moment when the nights get just a little cooler, the humidity is down, crispness is up, maybe you even get a chill when the sun goes down. The days may still be hot, but it’s at night that things slow down, just a little, from the pace of summer and all it’s activities.

A moment to rest, and catch your breath before all the fun of Fall begins. There are all the fall festivals and concerts, corn mazes, hay rides, pumpkin patches, cool nights perfect for hand holding and wine tastings. There is a flurry of activity as we get ready for what is to be a long, cold winter. We laugh, plan, play and smile, as we stock away for the winter.

The seasons are changing, even if it hasn’t arrived yet on the colander. Fall is early this year, as summer struggles to hang on and gives us the last kiss goodbye.

And with the change of seasons for me, comes the continuing of this next chapter in my life. And it is delicious.

I Could Fear Less

And there it was, jetting out just a few feet below where I was standing, and ten feet above the water.  I was standing at a different cliff this time.  And it was a lot higher and scarier.  And one day I will get there. Where I run and jump off, casting fear by the wayside.  But I am not there yet.  My body and mind hesitate before jumping off the cliff, afraid that I won’t clear the rocks that stick out on the way down. A klutz has to be careful.

And isn’t that sometimes what happens in life too?  We know what we want, but for some reason, we freeze up at the last second, afraid to jump or make a move.  Our mind plays out all of the “what ifs” that could go wrong.  So we stand there, at the cliff, so close to the edge that we can see the very edge. All we have to do is have faith…

And that is something that I am working on in life.  I have shed the old skin, the old tasks, the old life, the old me.  I have worked hard to bring my thoughts, dreams and wants to reality.  I have put in my time, paid my dues, and now it is time to live.  It is time for the good stuff.

So here I am at the cliff, of life, of a new relationship, of a new job and everything that is deep and good and safe and happy. While I may not be ready for the actual cliff, I am ready to plunge into life.  Might it be dangerous? Maybe. I could land wrong, crash on a rock, get hurt. But what if I make?  What if my dreams make it?  What if it really  is as spectacular as it possibly could be?  What if…?

So here I jump, hesitation behind me, air rushing past my ears, holding my breath, wonderfully waiting for that wonderful moment when I feel the water around me and know that I have made it. When I know that I am submerged into everything I want and have worked so hard to build. And I could fear less.

In the Distance

There is a distance

In my mind and soul

Calling out to you

I breathe it in and let it go.

Have you ever wondered

And wanted, aching

To know what you

Don’t know?

The Simple Things

It happens to all of us at some point, feeling overwhelmed, or worried, or terrified and frusterated.  We look around and suddenly everything we thought was uder control, isn’t.  And ilife looks like a cross between a war zone and a construction site as we run around trying to get everything back in order.

That’s when we need to pause and take a breath, eat a Twix or just sit a moment. When things in life seem unmanageable and overwhelming, go back to the basics, the simple things. Go back to what grounds us, makes us smile, feel secure and warm.  We need to be wrapped up, safe and sound, in our own little emotional security blanket.  You go back to love. We may even need to roll up our sleeves and get dirty too.  After all, a little sweat never hurt anyone.

For me, going back to those simple things that remind us that the entire world has not gone crazy, are family, friends, simple pleasures and laughter.   All of which have been present today.

I am helping a friend pack up her house before it is sold.  There is so much to be done and mot much time in which to do it.  And today was mainly planning, plotting and figuring out.  Tomorrow is when the real work will be done.  But today and until leave when the job is done, will be spent with lots of friends, all of us pulling together to get this done, all out of love.

Tonight I spet hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend.  We had some small talk, ate a good meal, watched a cool movie on TV while relaxing on the couch, talked, laughed and just had time to enjoy the simple things in a wonderful life.  I listened as they talked about their plans for the next year, and buying a house, and expanding a business. And as I watched them, it gave me hope that I can find that kind of relationship too.

And so it is, this night as I snuggle down into warm soft covers in a warm soft bed. I drift off to sleep enjoying the simple things in life – friends, family, food, hope and love.  And really, aren’t those some of the best things that life has to offer?

Quiet fun of Summer

Life has been quiet as of late, which is more than welcome.  We all need those quiet times, to reflect, regroup, enjoy, smile, listen to music, smell the roses, and just be.  That requires slowing down a bit and focusing in on what you really want.  And I really want a bit of fun.  It is much needed, as all a=work and no play makes for a very dull and not well lived life.

And so it is, a wonderful quiet mixture of fun this summer.  Nothing loud and outrageous, nothing too out of the ordinary, but only that which feeds the soul and makes me smile. And laugh, and feel good, and love, and wonder and appreciate. And also find Peace.

It’s quite interesting how Peace and fun seem to go together, one of those unlikely couples that makes no sense at first, until you take a closer look.  Life is all about balance, and when we, and our lives, are not in balance, there is also no or little Peace.  Peace is found when balance is restored.

And for far too long it has been hard work, no play, sacrifice and giving of everything I am and have.  And it is time to relax, breath and have fun.  I have been going out of my way to have fun, quiet, boring satisfying fun.  And what qualifies as fun?  Well, that depends on the person.  But for me, it is enjoying and pampering myself a bit. Mowing the lawn and enjoying the smell of fresh cut grass. I have cooked delicious meals for myself, read a few books, watched my favorite guilty pleasure shows, enjoyed long conversations with friends and good wine.

There has been working out, running, pushing my body past where it wants to go and what it wants to do.  Staying motivated and figuring out the future will come, those decisions always do.  But I am learning the importance of simply enjoying.

And something wonderful is happening, a side affect.  It is that I am opening up, slowly, surly opening my heart and soul to the world again.  Letting it all pour into me and wash over me, taking all the impurities with it. Another side affect is facing fear, and finding out there is nothing on the other side but freedom.

I have allowed myself to ask of others, which is something very new.  I am listening to what I want, and asking those who can help. There is been jetskiing  holding on for dear life and the water and wind simultaneously whipping through my hair. And them my friend holding on for his life as I drove, becoming airborne many times as I went into the waves at high speed. I felt free, and wild, and happy. There was a rock about 8 feet high to jump into the water.  It had been 30 years since I jumped like that, and at first it was scary.  But I did it. Again and again. And each time it was easier and more fun.  And then a group of kinds came and jumped without hesitation.  That is where I want to get again.

And this quiet fun of summer will get me there.  I have started dating again, though no one special at this point.  I am making choices just for myself, something that is very scary.  I always though I would be called selfish, but it hasn’t happened. There has been support and I have gotten everything I have asked for, and prayer for.

And that is what we are here for, in this life.  So listen to your soul, drink life in with everything you have, and let it fill you completely, up to the top, brimming over, making you whole, filling in the cracks.

Living in the Human Condition

Sometimes in life you have to just take a leap of faith and trust.  And sometimes that involves walking away from gloomy situations and embracing life.  Take a deep breath, close your eyes and have some fun, throwing caution to the wind. Such was the decision and direction of the weekend.

What is it about the human condition that makes us want to curl up and be quiet when we feel a bit melancholy? At least that is what I tend to do. Others may go out and party, wanting lots of noise, but I tend to want to stay under the covers, sipping hot tea while being wrapped up in a warm blanket.

Yet there is a time and place for everything. And after experiencing 6 deaths in 8 weeks of friends, or the friends of friends, my first inclination was just to stay home and have a very long date with Netflix. And initially, when a friend suggested a weekend trip to a close but fun town a few hours away, I thought, nah…

And then the losses of those people reminded me, once again, about how fragile and precious life is.  And After some pondering, I came to the decision that this time, I should embrace life, have some fun, laugh, run, travel, have a drink, see some friends. And so it was. It started Thursday night, ,then after sleeping late and a good lunch, the trip began.  The hotel was lovely and old.  Lot’s of wood, and old elevators, and kind people.  Oh yes, this is what life is about.  Those road trips with friends.

And there was great music, lots of laughter, some good drinks, delicious food, a haunted hotel, a fire alarm at 5 am that turned into a light breakfast and great conversation over good coffee. There was lots of walking, trying some new things, doing some people watching and breakfast spent re connecting with a friend.  There were missed fireworks, but enough fun and laughter that they weren’t even missed.This weekend was about celebrating and embracing life.

And that is the thing about life, it goes on.  But it is our choice to pick up and live it.  It’s our choice to embrace it, or stay in bed.  Why would anyone choose to stay in bed and shy away from living, loving, laughing and striving?  There are a thousands reasons, and most of them have to do with fear.

It’s safe under the covers.  Or maybe the person in weary and needs a break.  That’s OK, as long as they don’t stay in bed for an extended period.

And I learned something this past weekend. Trust your gut yes, but also don’t be afraid to step out of that comfort zone.  We become stagnant if we do.  Lean on your friends, love them dearly, they will be the ones who stand beside you. And that is what I am working o now.  Whenever I go against my gut, i get into trouble.  So I am listening a lot while I am reshaping my life and carving out a space that is truly Me.  It’s scary and exciting, and wonderful.  And I know I am going in the right direction.

Wouldn’t it be great though, and so much easier, if we had a compass for our life?  Something that would tell us the road we need to be on?  A way to avoid all those pitfalls, and decisions, slip up, let downs, sideways days and diagonal moves?  Well, it sounds good in theory. But think about what we would miss – the people and experiences that we would ever know. Think of the scenery we would miss if we always went on the path we “should.”  Some of my best moments, favorite memories and wonderful people have come from what was not planned, came from taking chances and going off the path.

Life is short.  Live, Laugh, Love, take chances. Travel. Leap. Buy the shoes.  Call the girl.  Kiss the boy. Say I love you. Hold hands. Live with your whole heart. Don’t worry so much if your house is clean, or if your clothes are perfect.  We are human for a reason.

And in the end, we will know we have lived.

And Should I Fall

When you are a writer, you write on anything and everything you can get your hands on.  I have scribbles on napkins, paper towels, envelopes, note pads, receipts, scraps of paper, deposit slips…I have been going through my writings and found this gem from 2/2013. Enjoy!

If I Fall
And should I fall,
Hold my hand
Help me up and brush me off
Help me to dry land

And should I fall,
Treat me well.
Be gentle with this heart
It has been bruised before

Understand the fiercest of hearts
Is so because it is so tender
And so very vulnerable
But only when I feel safe to relax

And should I fall
Be ready for the best
Worst, scariest, most beautiful
Most amazing experience of your life

Ada Burch
2/28/201

The Contagious

In life, you never know who you are going to meet, where you might meet them or what affect you may have on each other. And whether it turns out to be a long friendship, relationship, or just a pleasant conversation, the twists and turns these people bring to our lives are priceless.   This was my experience today as I sat and ate lunch at a popular little place.

This has been a time of transition for me, as many very difficult chapters have come to a close. This has left me a bit weary and a bit melancholy for the wear.  I am stepping back, taking a break, slowing down and recharging my batteries a bit. It has been a tough road, and sometimes we just need to take a breath, and dust ourselves off before starting back again.

The conversation with this woman came at exactly the right time. She was very friendly and enthusiastic. She was passionate about what she did, and her purpose. And as I talked with her, her passion and enthusiasm started to rub off on me.  And I started to smile a bit and laugh. And I felt better about my day, and my writing and my goals.

She is retired military, a life coach, divorce counselor and public speaker who wants to empower women and young people.  It was clear she does what she loves and is very grateful.  She was a breath of fresh air and a much needed reminder to this tired soul.

And when she left, she left me in a much better mood than I was before.  And then when I asked for my check, I found that she had already taken care of it. A very sweet gesture from one woman to another. And I will pay it forward to continue the good will.  And whether or not I ever meet this lady again, she inspired me to have a better day and a bigger smile.

And that’s the thing about life. You never know what might happen, who you might meet or the experiences you might have that are unplanned along the trip.  And would we really want it any other way?  We must always stay curious about life, those around us and the possibilities that are just around the corner.  We must always be aware that, in essence, we are all in this together, this journey of life.

We may get discouraged, we may fail 100 times or more, before even one success. We may have a hard time, we may be beaten down, weary, tired, feeling low.  But we can reach deep down inside, where the soul meets the spirit, and start the upward climb.  And when we get there, there will be others just like us, who have come a long way too.

And on a personal note, I took this as  Godwink, a little way to show me that I am on the right path, doing the right things.  And that everything will be OK and work out. I just need to be patient, have faith and hold on.

So join me, in my climb. Lets try and encourage each other together.

Human Touch

The human touch, something we may not think about every day. But yet it is so important in this day and age. And the daily rush of life and virtual everything, Facebook, Skype chats and online dating, maybe we lose sight of a simple part of humanity.

It was my turn, I thought, after waiting for a little while at the nail salon Time for a visit and a little treat for the trip to the beach. Soft hands and pretty red toes, a treat I had not allowed myself for a long time. And as my feet went into the hot water, and I picked out the colors, I felt the stress melt away. The stress of far too long, far too much, and far for little.

And then it started, the human touch, as they softly, sweetly, expertly applied the lotions and the salves to skin, taking off layer upon layer of what life had made harsh. The callouses of life, of making it, of surviving and fighting and living and loving.  And in that moment, I became acutely aware of just how long it had been since I had felt the simplest human touch. Nothing erotic, just human kindness?

When you are single, living alone, you really don’t encounter much change for human touching, outside of the sexual. And even on a relationship, touch may be few and far between depending on geography, time and the space between. Certainly my most recent relationship to go down in flames was practically devoid of any affection outside of the bedroom. No holding hands, no soft caresses, no affection, as fear replaced tenderness.

And in that moment, in that salon, with those strangers gently massaging lotion and applying color, I cried. Soft tears rolling down my cheeks as just the simple human touch resonated deep within me. How long had it been? I don’t know still.

There is a healing in the touch of human to human. A knowledge, a recognition, that we are of the same. How often to do mistake online chats and conversation for the same humanity as face to face, and seeing, feeling, hearing, touching someone else.  It used to be that digital was used when geography made meeting impossible. But now what has been used to make our business lives convenient has made out personal lives less, personal. And at what cost?  After all, it costs nothing to hug someone, hold them, give a pat on the back or a comforting embrace.

And I wonder, if all this technology has made us even more remote and isolated than ever before, even with instant communication at our fingertips? But then, how much true human communication can we really have over the digital? Words, tones, body language, facial expressions, even sarcasm, completely missed.

And as I walked out, pretty hands and feet, I vowed to live a life more touching.

The Promise of Summer

It’s getting closer, you can feel it in the air.  It’s stirring in the undercurrents of the wind. It’s coming, with the warming of the weather.  It is Spring and Summer.  Today, for the first time in many months I drove home with the windows down, radio up and shoes off. It was magnificent.

It has been a long, cold, hard winter, and I am ready for the good stuff.  There is a trip to the beach this weekend, and many more weekend trips to come. There is an actual vacation scheduled, the first in several years. And a new place to live promises great evenings on the porch, ready for wine and conversations.

My father’s cancer has slowed and will soon be in remission, my career has steadied, and family responsibilities are low.  After the past few years, I am ready to come out of the cocoon, transformed, gilded by the fire of difficult times, baked in the harsh light of heartache, set to cool in a body of tears. It is time to experience the promise of summer.

It is the promise of lighter times, smiles and laughter, warm days, cool nights, backyard Bar B Qs and late nights in. It is friendship and hugs, live music, street festivals, patio margaritas, and birthdays and weddings, and celebrations of life. I want to feel the wind blowing in my hair, as I drive with the windows down, friends with me ready for adventures and road trips to fun places. Chili cheese dogs at a Braves game, movies in the park, dancing in the rain. It is, in essence, the promise of hope. And just as the new leaves peek out from the safety of their branches, so must I leave the safety of my comfort zone.

And this year, this summer, I am looking for it. Love.  Not just a summer fling that turns cold with the first winds of Autumn, I mean the real thing.   Little boys dressed in mens clothing who are afraid of relationships need not apply. I want slow dancing in the kitchen, late night conversations, hand holding in the park, long hikes in the woods, conversations you never want to end, slow, rich, passionate kisses that make you dizzy. To find comfort and solace in another human being and be vulnerable right down to the core.  To build something larger and deeper than myself.

I feel like, for the first time in a log time, I am free to follow dreams, hopes and dsires that make life worth living. I want to set this summer on fire with life.

And I pray to bring the right kind of people into my life – those who match my level of integrity, faith, loyalty and honor.  Much heartache and drama can be avoided by not assuming that just because you get along and have compatible personalities that they are meant to be in your life and close to you.  It takes time, and seeing the clues as to who people really are, or at least not being blind to them.

And so as the weather gets warmer, my hopes are high. For everything good this summer, for love and laughter of friends and family. New experiences, old hang outs, and lasting memories to be made. The moments of building a life, living and loving well all the while. Yes, all of this is held in the promise of summer.

Celebrate Your Life, Youself, Everday Day

I am a hot mess. And I’ve been a hot mess for a hot minute. But during one month of the year, all of that is set aside for one purpose: the purpose of celebrating my birthday month. All month long

At first this tradition may seem silly, but it’s not. Your birthday is one one day a year, why take a whole month?

Growing up We always celebrated out birthdays in a big way. Because when you are born, when the world meets you and you meet the world, when your loved ones are given the blessing and gift of you, that day should be remembered and celebrated. The anniversary of your birth.

And when you celebrate your birthday for the entire month, it gives you an excuse to to what you want…because it’s your birthday month. But more than that, it reminds you to celebrate your life every single day, because every day you are given is truly a gift. Another day to see the miracle of a sunrise, be with your family, or enjoy the comfort of a bed in which to sleep until light.

Celebrating the entire birthday month reminds us to enjoy chances in life, to not take anything for granted, to be thankful and gracious for the life around you. It reminds us to truly celebrate ourselves and be happy with who we are. Right now in this moment.

No life isn’t perfect. Maybe you still can’t fit into those skinny pants, or your car is making that funny sound, or you still haven’t gotten that job you want, or just whatever. But that doesn’t mean it will always be that way, or that you can’t appreciate the good things you have.

Enjoy the moments life gives you have passion and gratitude in your heart, celebrate each day and always be curious. Throw yourself into your life and the world. And don’t forget to celebrate your birthday.

The Oposite of Seasons

This is the season for parties, festivities, socializing, seeing old friends, making new friends and just a lot of hustle and bustle. It is a season of extraverts. But this season I am feeling anything but extravert.

This year I am feeling very be cozy and warm mama bearish. I just want to be home, or with a close circle of friends. Yes, the invites have been pouring in for this and that.  And surely these are people whose company I have enjoyed in the past. But my couch is so very comfortable and the fire is warm.

This year, after being terrible displaced from my home due to toxic mold, I am more appreciative of e safe place to hang my hat.  I want to make this space warm and welcoming to all those whom I love and care.

And as the pictures of festive parties, pretty dresses, fixed hair, perfect make up and lots of drinks are posted on Facebook and other social media outlets, I smile and click like from the comfort and warmth of my own hearth, on my flannel PJ’s and fuzzy socks (yes, super sexy, I know).

I sip wine and listen to my favorite music, unpacking, organizing, arranging furniture and getting settled.  And who says you have to be and about on the town seeing and being seen to be social? I have my friends close by, still meeting for dinners and drinks.  I run to theirs or they come to mine. It is nice and quiet and small and quaint.

There is home cooking – soups and sauces, new recipes and old favorite, smells and fragrances filling the house. Putting up and decorating the Christmas tree, with all the old ornaments from childhood that make me smile and love my parents. There is eggnog and mistletoe and kisses and laughter. There is the gentleness of starting over.

And sometimes, in the big world, it is good to be small and close.  It is good to make sure that all of our fingers and toes and accounted for and painted pretty colors, enjoying the small comforts that build the foundation of a good and happy life. Sometimes the small celebrations are even more meaningful than the big ones.

And sometimes, when it is all said and done, it is the building of many of those small moments that make a life worth living and loving. Sometimes being the opposite of the season is what gives it it’s meaning.

Taking Care

It is that time of year again. That time where we take pause to give thanks for what we have and who we have in our lives.  And this year, as I looked around, I saw the landscape change.  There has been much more taking care this year than in the past.  By that I mean my friends, family and I all taking care of each other. It is a fluid stream of handing off the “I’ve got this” baton to each other.

This year there is so much for which to be thankful – my Father’s cancer going into remission is the biggest. Followed by me having and finding a safe, mold free place to live. The new job, my new life basically.  But there has been so much help along the way. My sister and neighbors watching over my pets, my sister and great friends opening up their houses to me, offering a place to live while I figured out what course of action to take with the House of Mold. I was given a safe place to sleep and live, eat, laugh and play.  Friends were coming out of the woodwork to help and s=check in to make sure I was OK.  And I am so very thankful.

And I have been able to be there for my friends as well, offering support, free writing services, advice, a shoulder, cooking and much more.  This year, more than any year, I feel like we have formed a community for each other, a place in which we can go, and work, and live and love, and truly know, we are not alone.  That is a wonderful thing to have in this world.

And so this year I am thankful for taking care – thankful for those who have taken care of me, and for hose whom I can repay the favor. And this year, it is truly a celebration of the beautiful souls I am blessed to have in my life.

The Ready

It is almost a magic thing when you feel the seasons change. It could be something as small as just a sigh chill in the air, but you feel, you know, the season has shifted and you are ready. And in this moment, of Fall changing to winter, I am ready.

Ready for what is next, to find my new place, live, unpack, make a home, FEEL at home. I am ready for great boots and opaque tights, cool mornings and warm coffee. I am ready for fires and fire places, looking for firewood and hiring the cozy crackle, reading by the warm fire.

I am to ready  flirt, to smile, to laugh. Ready to be kissed, have long conversations and see what comes next. To feel the rush of wonder and hope.

Ready for the bruises to be healed, for faith to be returned, to finally exhale as those baby steps bring me closer, with every beat of a heart. I am ready to shed this skin, jaded as it is, and be new.

I am ready to learn, grow, experience unfamiliar things in unfamiliar places. Ready to see the sunrise for the dawn of a new day. Ready to discover who I am under all this weight that has been carried. Ready to let go and be free of extraneous noise and unfocused light.

Ready to push my body, farther than it wants to go, work it harder than it is willing to give. To go deeper, work harder, be braver, than I have. To wake up with all that is dear, close to me with no distance.

I am ready to pray and have faith. To truly do andbe the best I can. To do all that I can, with faith and singleness of heart. I am ready to be love, wholey, and give myself to the delight of discovering life, and all it’s entrappings. Ready to stay up late reading, curled up on the couch, not wanting to to leave the story. Ready to write pages upon pages of all that is in the story of me.

Ready to have Grace. That’s the hard one. Ready to keep with the 4 agreements, not taking it personally, knowing the reaction is more about them.

And I am ready to live.

Vegas Baby

There are some cities that are just made for play. Las Vegas is one of those cities. I have not been in several years; I was there six days and might have slept five hours. There was much play, lots of adventure, laughter, some surprises, some gambling, lots of shows  and lots of drinks. It was a great vacation.

One of the things that I always think about when in Vegas, is just how many dreams are out there. Many people go to Vegas to find their dreams, just like LA. How many young people head out west, leaving the small towns, to head to find their lives, their loves, their dreams?

There is nothing stronger than a dream. Nothing stronger than that wanderlust of what lies beyond that next hill. The dream is what we will work hard for, live for, sacrifice for and believe in. Whether that is to go to Vegas, to have a house, to be a star, to have a family, to be a painter, a business owner, a writer, a singer…whatever. Because the dream is in essence, the Human Spirit. And nothing can triumph over that, because it is God given.

The dream is what gets us up out of bed, and gives us hope, even when life is tough and knocks us down. We get back up and start over if we have to. And even when our dreams change, we still must follow them. We have no choice, because it is the promise of who we are, and who we can become. OF what we can pass down to our children as our legacy. It is our love, blood, sweat, tears, hopes, dreams. It is what we pull up from deep inside. We hollow ourselves out so we can carry what we need to get us there. And we believe.

I never wanted to be a writer, but slowly, as the roads on which I traveled twisted and turned, my dream took shape. Many said it could not be done, many said I was silly, crazy, stupid. I didn’t listen to them, because I knew they were wrong. Someone has be  the writer, why not me?

My dream while in Vegas? To eat, drink, be merry and relax by the pool. It’s time for this girl to have a vacation. I have a lot to celebrate.

Settling In

It’s very interesting getting settled into a new house. I have moved many times before, but this is different, because this space is legally mine. I am the one solely responsible for it’s care and upkeep. That is thrilling, and a little scary.

Getting settled in a new house is a process, as you and the new space get to know each other. Little things, noises and surprises along the way. Like noticing the beautiful carving on the ceiling at the base of the light fixture in the library. So detailed. And the creaky stair on the way to the bedroom. There are plants in the yard that are starting to grow an bloom, ones I never saw before because they were dormant for winter.

Finding out where all the light switches are and what they control. Finding the outlets, where you need an extension chord, and where you need to move the electronics. Does my ice makeer work? Is it hooked up? The doorbell? Need a new one. And then there is the skylight that leaks and the space next to the wall were the roof seems to leak and well. That needs to get taken care of right away.

And unpacking, figuring where all those things should go. This past weekend the job was to unpack all of my closet – the clothes, shoes, jackets, purses and accessories. Going through all of it, what to keep and what to give away. Those old favorite jeans…that I will never again fit into, unless I get seriously ill and loose, ummmm, a lot of weight.  I think I wore those in high school.

And there is something cathartic about unpacking and settling in. It is claiming your space, nsting and setting things exactly as you want them. Your favorite things by the bed, within easy reach. And your desk the way you want it. The closet, as organized or not as you like. A house, a space that is just yours, just for you. As you like it.

And that’s just the outside! I haven’t even ventures out to the yard yet, and there is so much to do with it. So many places to put flowers and fruit trees to share. I need to get a yard man and a pool guy.

My parents are coming up to help and this is exciting. Mom to help with decorating and planting all the flowers. Dad to help with all the little to do’s and questions. Never underestimate the wonderfulness of parents coming to help with the first house.

And the settling in begins, and unfolds as Ladybug Manor and I become more acquainted. I wonder about the memories that will be made here. All the friends, laughter, wine to be shared, love to be had, tears, good times and security. And a house, those four walls, begins to become a home.

Church

This morning I went to church. There are many reason I have for which to be thankful, so many blessings I have been given, by the Grace of God. And it was time to go, worship and give thanks.

I have often heard that if you want to hear God laugh…tell him your plan.

Atlanta is a city that is always under construction, especially downtown or in Buckhead. Since I have no sense of direction, and get lost very easy, I typed where I wanted to go into the GPS – St. Philips Cathedral. Somehow the GPS got an Episcopal Cathedral mixed up with a small Presbyterian Parish. ditching the GPS, I got lost trying to find my way to where I was trying to go…and needless to say I was late and missed the sermon. I always love the sermon, isn’t that why you go to church?

Maybe not. Maybe it’s not always about the sermon, maybe it’s about the experience as a whole, not just the parts. As in life, if we hyper focus in on one aspect, we may miss something else beautiful and wonderful. Maybe sometimes, we need to zoom out a little, and enjoy the whole.

And so I sat in the pew, listening, enjoying, drinking church in, like a thirsty child on a hot summer day. The voices of the choir washed over me, singing a capella today. all of their voices delicately winding around each other, making for a beautiful melody that gave me chills and made me feel relaxed at the same time. The Peace, and speaking to all those parishioners around me. The Confession of Sins, The Lord’s Prayer, Taking Communion, the Blood if Christ. And then as I walked to my car, there were church bells.

Yes, it is the whole experience that makes it, not just one part. Even when you  have an attack of flatulence in a quiet moment (not that that has ever happened…)

And so it is is in life. It is the whole of our experience that makes us who we are. That brings us Peace. That makes us happy.

A Well Pruned Garden

Someone said to me that life must be like a well pruned garden; you must work to make it beautiful, to make sure that weeds to not grow and take over. You must nourish your life in order the flourish, just like you would a garden – for a garden can die in even the most fertile soil if it is not properly tended.

And so it is true in life. And we must go through periods of pruning. I have just gone through one of those times.

I have also, for many years, heard the saying “I was fine before you got here, and I’ll be fine after you leave.” And so it is. No one’s life is going to end because I am not in it. I will be just fine -and so will they.

I decided that 2014 will be the year of Peace. And so I will prune and shape my life in a way that Peace will be nurtured to grow. That means, getting rid of the weeds.  That means making room to follow my dreams. A new place to live, new friends and so many wonderful opportunities are in front of me now.

This week has been a rather dramatic one, filled with controlling ex’s and false friends, a bogus law suit that was dismissed and now…Peace.

I am not sure why, with my ex, when it’s made clear that you do not want to be with someone, that they continue to bother you. But I put a stop to that. My landlords had no case, but of courtesy I put what I wanted in writing, when I would be leaving, exactly what I would pay for and how much. The judge agreed and signed off. The fact is, I would be moving to the new place regardless.  They were mad I didn’t want to stay and tried to be vindictive. Silly rabbits, that never works.

Now that friendship is over, I plucked those weeds, and walked away. And the weeds of friends who called me cause trouble, stir the pot, cause drama by making threats over the situation – they are gone now too.  I don’t understand why when you say “I will not have people who cause drama in my life,” some people run to you and test that statement. I’ll never understand why women are so catty with one another either. Too much reality TV maybe?  Do they not have lives? Jobs? Or anything better to do than to sit around and talk about me? Because I am just not that interesting…No matter. I walk away, head held high.

It takes strength, it takes courage and it takes not being afraid to live your own truth, regardless of what others say – because they will twill twist it. They will twist the story to fit the justification of their own bad behavior. No worries. Let them be. What another person’s opinion of you is none of your business. And don’t argue with them, it’s the same result as teaching a pig to talk…you get dirty and it only aggravates the pig. I have better things to do.

And so as I look about, seeing everything that is in front of me, I see that the garden is in fertile soil and well pruned. Moving forward, life is Peaceful, there are no regrets. The water is still, the landscape is Peaceful and I am happy and feel lighter than I have in a long time. My new life begins, and the story that I write for this chapter of my life, will truly be amazing.

Letter to Patsy

She was my 2nd mother. A spirited force to be reckoned with. And a tough as nails, loyal and kind soul. And now she has passed, and the world is a bit duller. There are so many things left to say to her,  And here they are. My Letter to My 2nd Mother.

Dear Patsy,

I can’t believe you’re gone. It may sound silly, but I always thought you would be there, I just could not ever imagine a world where you were not there. Now that the time in here, it just seems so strange. Death is final. And I think that is what hurts the most.

The last time I saw you, you were so beautiful, you almost looked like an angel. A stubborn angel that I loved dearly. Your eyes were brighter than I had seen them on quite a while.  I remember visiting you at the nursery, and hearing your voice and that Tennessee accent. I loved your accent. I loved your common sense way of looking at things. I just loved you.

I remember you asking me if I was ever going to get married ( you always asked me that). I just smiled and said who knows? And I remember you telling me that there is no shame in not ever getting married. And I knew you were right. But you were the first person to ever really tell me that. And I believed you. But I know you wanted me to, because I know you wanted me to be happy, and to someday settle down. Well, I’ve met him Patsy. I’ve met the one. And yes, I will marry him,, if he’ll have me. I couldn’t wait to tell you.

I remember you watching over me and Karen when we thought we were all grown up renting your house. How silly we young girls were, and how blessed we were to have you watching out for us. Making sure we took care of things, didn’t get too crazy and didn’t let our friends drive our cars.

And I think you were one of the only ones who truly understood what happened at the wedding. And what it all did to me. Your kind words and compassion carried me through many a heartache over that. I knew you knew that ache too. And you understood my tears. I loved you for that. And I loved that no matter what, you would always be my 2nd mother.

You were such a hard worker, and loyal top the core. I remember when you shut your business down to sit with my mother in the hospital when she was so sick. You just sat there with her, and watched over her so she would not be alone. You knew you didn’t even have to speak. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me that you were there. Or how much that meant to my mother. We will never forget it.

And she told me what you said about tying her shoes. And the baby Ruth! I laughed.

And somehow, you raised 4 children on your own – Three boys, one girl. Three young wild southern boys, and one strong willed girl. And you kept all of them in line. They knew you meant what you said and that they would respect their mother. How did you do it? You worked so hard. I always respected you so much for that. I thought you were amazing. And tough. I wish I could have told you how much I thought of you.

And out spoken!  No one had to wonder what you thought or how you felt. And you didn’t give a flying flip if they didn’t like it. I loved that about you. I trusted you for that reason too.

I wish I could have sat with you, just one more time, and had a conversation with you. I would have loved to have known what you thought about things now. No doubt you would have been full of advice – sprinkled with wit and wisdom as your words always were.

I do remember you getting after me for keeping the freezer door open during that hot summer. And you were right – but it was so hot!  And I know you thought of me as strange; this spirited girl, with all the boyfriends, and the weird ways. But you loved me too. Just as I am – strange, clumsy and awkward me. I can only imagine how many times you just shook your head when it came to me, how exasperated you were over the years. How many times you laughed at my odd ways of thinking when I wasn’t looking. How many times you asked my mother about me, and chuckled at her answers.

But I wanted you to know how much you have meant to me over the years. How your watchful eye has meant so much to me. And the affect you have had on me and my life. You will forever be a part of my youth. A wonderful part of growing up, of coming back home, of being loved. And I will miss you. And I will always love you.

Your 2nd daughter,

Ada

No Regrets

I have no regrets, looking back on the landscape if this year, in this life. I have no regrets on what I have done and what has been left undone.

There are no words that haunt me, spoken or kept still. No actions that trouble my soul, no undone thrill.

There are no tears that have been dried or kept at bay, or escaping down my cheek from rims of wide weary eyes, that partake in regret.

No longing set free, no feelings left unturned. There is nothing to look back upon, and wish another way for me.

And as I look back, standing at the edge of this year, this long, hard, undone, overdone year, there is nothing that makes me want a other walk down the path or choose another road than the one I have traveled.

There has been compassion and contention, love, discord, pain and happiness. More joy than one can hold, more sorrow than one should endure. There have been sacrifices and giving of self, hiding, finding, sipping and devouring…it all.

I am all of it, every bit. The complete all of it, the unfinished of it, the breadth and depth of it. I am glad for it all, the good bad and the big and small.

I have no regrets waking up with you, all of you and your deals, wet from us and warm with skin on mine. No regrets of swimming, riding with my bare feet on the dash or taking a shower in the rain. No regrets sitting, listening to drops on the tin roof, in your little place. No regrets of you at all.

No regrets for fighting for family and what is right. None for being brave, saying what is felt and what should have been said long ago. No regrets for the love and loss of the year as it has passed.No regrets for the mistakes and lessons learned.

There has been hard work, harder play and many things let go this year. I carried the map of my life with every. Single. Heartbeat. And you were there too. Yes you.

Books have been read, put down and some left unfinished. Thoughts written down and lost or erased from time. And still, no regrets. Nooks and crannies have been explored, many prayers said and blessing given. Dreams have come to fruition, nightmares have been banished beneath the cloak of in in which they came.

I have carried this heart, heavy with sorrow and joy, across this country, in cars, in airplanes, in boats, up on a horse in hiking trails, in the woods, in the city, to work, to run, in water, in the anonymity of the night, and the harsh light of day.

This year, this 12 months, I have been the judge and jury, been judged and done the judging, been right, wrong, black, white and gray. I have laid it all out and picked up the deck.

And at the end of this year, this moment in my life, there is Peace. There is happiness. Mostly because, all because, you have been in my heart.

A Post of Goals

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.- Denis Waitley

It is a tradition every year that started with a dear friend several years ago. It is a process. First, I must think about what I want in the next year – what my personal and professional goals will be moving forward. Things wanting to be done or accomplished. Then I get several magazines, a board, stickers and pretty things. Everything I want in the upcoming year, is put on the “Goal Board.”

For several days my house is nothing but piles of magazine cuttings – pictures, quotes and other miscellaneous things. Stacks of magazine, articles scissors, stickers, glue and letters litter the floor. I move the pieces around, trying to find the best place for them on the board. And I always get glue in my hair…for several days. And as soon as I get everything arranged just the way I want them – the cats jump on everything before I have a chance to glue it all down.

So why bother with is at all? Studies have shown that there are many benefits to setting goals. Here are just a few of them:

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. – Henry David Thoreau

Clear focus and vision: When you really think about what you want for the next year (or week, or month or whatever), you get very clear on what you want – and what you don’t. Too often you can have many things on your mind and goals can help you take all of those ideas, apply perspective and priority, then galvanize you into commitment and action.

More motivation and greater enthusiasm: Passion replaces complacency, because we have something to work toward. We are not just drifting; we are on a path and know where we are headed. Goals help us focus on who we are becoming, not just settle for who and what we are today. When we set goals for ourselves, challenge ourselves to do more and be better each time, we grow as people. Setting goals can help to release our creative energies so we can focus on how to achieve them. You start to look for ways to make it happen. We take chances, maybe even a risk or two, because we are motivated.

What keeps me going is goals. – Muhammad Ali

Sense of control: There are so many things that cannot be controlled in life, that it can sometimes get a bit overwhelming. Having goals allows us have control over our lives, whether professional, personally or both. You are programming your brain, and putting your goals in an order to make sure your they become reality. And, how can you not feel in control of your life when you do this? when you feel in control of your life, your self-esteem is also likely to increase.

If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals. – Lou Holtz

Lowers stress: At first this may seem counter intuitive, but it’s not. Setting goals lowers stress by motivating us to live with more passion and enthusiasm. We are fully engaged in our lives; we stop procrastinating and start looking forward to crossing items off that list. And it feels good when we overcome an obstacle that might stand in our way. It also gives us hope.. of a better life, better job, being a better person… Setting and accomplishing goals makes us happier and more fulfilled; thus, lowering stress.

Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner. – Les Brown

Setting goals is good for you, and it can be fun – especially if we get our friends and family involved. They can help motivate us and celebrate our victories. This year my goals board will include running, doing Pilates, getting serious about photography, traveling more, saving money and playing my piano again. Join me, won’t you?

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals. – Stephen Covey