Change. It is a fact of life. Everyone, at some point, must accept it, learn to deal with it, adapt to it. But that can very so very hard.
Usually I write about everything I am thankful for in the Month of November – a new list every day. This Thanksgiving that seems too strange. I do look around and acknowledge the many blessings. But I am not sure how to act really. I am very thankful Dad is still here, thankful for my wonderful boyfriend, the fact that we have been blessed to have such a wonderful home and are building a life of love. That I have such wonderful friends who are there for me and love me, that I have a job I love at a great company.
And that I had 42 wonderful Thanksgivings with my mother. That I was there in her last moments. And for all the wonderful talks and whispers and moments we shared, mother and daughter. When she looked at me in the hospital and said “I know you truly love me.” When she smiled and said “I know what that means.” When I read the letter and notes she wrote labeled “Don’t open unless I am dead”…and how truly funny they were. Thankful for the way she always knew just what to say, and when to say it, to make me smile and feel better. Thankful for the taco soup and fresh cut corn that she froze, just for us, knowing she was going to pass. Still taking care of us, even now.
This Thanksgiving will be very different from the ones in the past. Every Thanksgiving has been at my parent’s place. Even when I lived far away, the trip would be made to make sure I was there with the rest of the family. There was always so much food because Mom loved cooking for all of us. The exception was last year when I begged to have the holiday feast at my place. Mom and Dad reluctantly agreed and made the trip up to the big city. It would turn out to be the last with my Mom. My sister and her three boys were there too. I treasure those memories.
This is the first year in my life that Mom will not be here for Thanksgiving, or Christmas. This change is not welcome, but it is as it is and so I must adapt. Thanksgiving is coming whether Mom is here or not. And so this year we will spend Thanksgiving around M’s mother’s table. I am thankful for their generosity of taking us in. And no doubt there will be lots of love around that table. Truth be told Dad and I are at a bit of a loss this Thanksgiving…and holiday season in general.
But that is the thing about change – it opens up new opportunities. New ways of thinking about and doing things, and new possibilities. This Thanksgiving may have a melancholy feel, but it can still be special. This Thanksgiving is about love. And love is always a good thing. Because love feeds the Human Spirit, fills in all of our cracks and makes us stronger.
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