What Defines a Relationship


Spending time together, mutual interest, laughing, going out, strengthening a bond and liking are all things present in a relationship.  As I am healing from my last relationship and stating that I am not ready to be in another, I wonder…what defines a relationship? And when it comes to relationships, does the dictionary even apply?

It makes sense to define exactly what it is that I am indeed not ready to do. To some this may seem like a silly, but to me it seems like a natural question to ask. And the answer also seems to vary depending on who is asked.  Do men and women view what makes a relationship differently? There have been many books written on that topic. I think so.

For instance, is it the amount of time you spend with someone makes it a relationship? Or is it the amount of romantic interest (and that it is mutual)? What is the man takes you out on dates? What if you always stay in and hang out? And what about sex?  I know plenty of men, and several women even, who say that just because you have sex does not mean you are involved in a relationship with that person.  Others (including myself) have said that if you sleep with someone then you are dating.

Others still say it is the length of time you are with that person that makes it a relationship, while others say whether it is or not you are exclusive that determinesthe relationship status. Or is it simply to be defined by the two people involved? Then there is the whole issue of making sure the person you think you are in a relationship with actually has the same definition you do. And if two people disagree with what  make it a relationship…does that mean it is or isn’t? One thing is for sure, this relationship creature is an enigma. How can we commit to something when we are not even sure what it is?

Maybe, it would be better instead to say exactly what it is I am not ready for, and what I am. I am ready to have someone to spend time with, a person who I like and who likes me. I am ready to be held and cuddled, to have big strong shoulders to cry on when I get scared, feel sad or have a another night mare. I am ready to have someone gently show me I can trust them…and who will not be put off by my caution. I am ready for someone to think I am amazing (and of course I am ). I am ready for someone to spoil me for a while, and let me rest emotionally. I am ready to be safe. And I am ready to be kissed. I am ready for slow, deep, passinate kisses that take your breathe away. I am ready for slow dancing, and the Tango. I am ready for footrubs and back rubs. I am ready to feel and arm around me.

I am not ready to try to trust someone new. I am not ready and simply do not have it in me to deal with trying to figure out if someone is sincere or just looking to get laid. I do not have the time to deal with fake this or that, or to find that  someone I really like, likes and is dating 7 other girls. Am I ready for sex? The hormones say yes, the emotions say no. And I am not ready for a bad ending. I am used to nice endings, as most of my ex’s are good friends now. The last relationship ended horribly, and with no expression of sorrow or remorse for what he did, I must accept the fact that he has none, or he would have expressed it by now. I relaly just do not want to go through another bad ending.

Am I ready to fall in love?  Who is not ready to fall head over heals, knock your socks off, make your heart beat faster, in love? I guess what I am not ready for is the process it takes to get there. After the last and what happened, maybe I am just happy to stick my toe in the water for now. After all, the ocean is not going anywhere, and neither is the dictionary.

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