Thank you very much toWarrior Poet Wisdom for nominating me for the Kreative Blogger Award! I am very thankful, humbled and honored. I will return soon to post my nominees and carry on the tradition of this award. Thank you again.
Month: December 2011
Happy New Year
Wishing everyone a fulfilling, safe and happy New Year!
For me this song represents the new year – freedom. 2012 is the year all my dreams come true. 🙂
The Pick Up Artist
Picking up The Man from the airport today. I’ve missed more than I thought I would and am looking forward to spending time. I am a bit nervous, which is silly.
And why is it, that we feel nervous around someone when they know and us who has seen us before? Why should I be so giddy? I am well into my 30’s and I do not get this way…at least I thought.
But I shall enjoy it nonetheless. After, how often is that a a woman meets a man who makes her heart skip a beat?
The Gift of Cancer, the Gift of Love
Some people think because they’re stronger, or meaner, that they can push you around. I’ve seen a lot of that. But it’s only true if you let it be. The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations. – Stella, Silverado
Most of life, and the situations in it, are what you make of them. So when I say the fact that both of my parents have had cancer is a gift, most give me a very funny look
In January of 2001, we discovered my mother had stage 4+ Ovarian cancer. This was a tremendous and terrible sock, and the next two years we very difficult for all of us. Originally given two years to live, with no guarantee of quality of life, and a less than 1% chance of survival, she amazed doctors with her spunk, perseverance and most of all, faith, that this cancer would not beat her. And she was right.
My family has always be extremely close, but her cancer brought us even closer. We depended on each other in a way we had not before, and we saw each other in a very human way It also made us acutely aware of how fragile life is, and how we need to treasure the time we have with those we love.
When I found out my father had cancer, it felt like someone had hit me in the stomach. The prognosis is good – they caught it early and he is getting treatment at Emory, one of the best cancer centers in the country. But still there is concern and we are acutely aware of all of the lessons we learned with Mom.
My father carries himself with a quiet air of authority and knowledge. He does not raise his voice, as truly powerful men rarely, if ever, have the need. So I was surprised to find that most of my ex’s are terrified of him, one even going so far as to hang up the phone rather than face talking to him just this past Christmas. Yes, he plays the Father Card well and heaven help the man who harms one of his daughters. No one back talks him or tells him what to do, or they will be swiftly, but quietly, put out.
Both my parents have loved me unconditionally, supported me and given me everything needed and wanted in life. So it is a gift to be able to be there for them now. My parents will come up and stay with me for his last cancer treatment next month. They are so afraid of being an imposition that I had to explain that it is my honor to be able to help them, that I feel as if I can, in a small way, give back a fraction of what they have so generously given me all these years.
My sister was there when my Mother went through treatment, now I am here for my father’s treatment. As the youngest in the family, it means a lot to be able to make sure my family is safe and comfortable. And while I know I could never in a million years give them what they have given me, at least being there for them now is a small start. And I hope they will see what a gift they are to me.
(If you are a faithful person, please keep then in yur prayers, thank you)
Garden Goodbye to 2011
Thought this was very good, thoughtful and inspiring post
Fragile Needs
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought you were fragile.
Someone recently said that to me. I was not sure what to make of it, was he saying that like it was a bad thing or a good thing? He sounded Almost disappointed.
I am strong, independent and have been on my own for a long time. I am used to taking care of myself and to be honest, being vulnerable is not the first thing that occurs to me. I am not one of these frilly little, OMG I can’t do anything for myself girls. I am tough as nails. There are things I simply cannot do myself, like plumbing, mechanical or car work (I can change break pads and oil, but not too much beyond that). And I usually hire someone to do those things.
There was a time, not long ago that I was very fragile. I had just been attacked, I was frightened, wounded, dealing with human elements in which I had never encountered before. And I was very, very vulnerable. I had no choice, my heart splayed out, on display, for the world to see. I cried, I wept, I was hurt. There was no hiding how fragile and vulnerable I was, no keeping others from seeing it, as my normally reserved emotions were raw. And if ever there was a time to be honest about fear and vulnerability, that was it. And there were any who were there to help me in my fragile state.
And then, slowly, I got better. And am getting better still. And I am not so fragile. I have been standing on my own for a while now.
Here is the million dollar question: Is there any such thing as being too independent? Men need to be needed, so what happens with they encounter and un fragile woman?
But here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud (ee cummings)…I am so very fragile. My feelings are very fragile and they can be hurt by the smallest word, the slightest look, or the touch of a whisper. But I do not show it and I cry in solitude, silence being my solace. Only a very special observant man will ever see. My emotions are not for public display. But I need, so badly, someone to see the fragility in me. To understand that just because I am strong and independent, does not mean that I don’t I still need to be held, still need to be reassured, still need. My heart still beats as a woman, and as such, I need to be cherished, to be secure and safe. I need to know that I will be, it will be, we will be, OK. I need to gently know that I am not alone, that I have a safe harbor in which to rest, because someone else is standing guard.
Oh yes, I am fragile and I have fragile needs. But only for one man.
Of Love
There is no other song that exemplifies what I am looking for more than this one. It makes me melt, makes me cry every time I hear it….because I am a big sappy mush…(but don’t tell anyone).
Because I am a girl, and because I still believe.
One New Thing A Week
OK, I am inspired by the post from a fellow blogger: http://ragrobyn.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/the-path-of-evil-not-travelled/.
In this Post she writes about trying one new thing a week…52 new things in one year. One, I am excited about this idea! And it is so perfect for my very adventurous and wanderlusty spirit…Except where to start? So this is where I need your help. Please give me ideas of new things to try this year. It could be anything, new foods, new places, new…whatever. I am a creative person, but 52 things is a lot for one person to think up. Leave a comment, or if you prefer privacy, email ada.burch@gmail.com.
Some new things I am looking to do this year already:
- Go ziplining
- learn new recipes to cook (suggestions welcome)
- Get certified for diving
- Go in a hot air balloon
- go sky diving
- Travel to Belize, Dubai and any other place I have not been
- take my family on vacation (am working on that one now)
- go to hot yoga classes
- go to a spin class
- Start writing fiction (this one is a bit scary, as even though I am a writer I have never done this)
- take horseback riding lessons
And any other suggestions that might sound like fun….
You Have Got to be Crazy. No You Are Perfect
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with you own common sense.” – Buddah
Ever since I was a little girl, mother always told me, follow what you believe to be right, follow your gut, and don’t worry about what other people say or think. This is, without a doubt, the best advice I have ever been given.
Through life, I have beat my own drum and stood up for what I believed to be right, For me and my life. Always listen to that inner voice – for your guts will never lead you wrong. Follow your own truth. But be prepared – you will be criticized.
Barbara Steistand did it when she invested everything she had in Funny Girl, so did Steven Speilberg with Star Wars. Everyone, including Steve Jobs, thought Bill Gates was called crazy, and also Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook. Einstein was called crazy and stupid for his equations, as was Sir Isaac Newton and even Darwin. So was Walt Disney. They all had one thing in common though: the unshakeable belief, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they could beat the odds by beating their own drum. And the risks everyone thought they were taking? Well are they really risks if you know the odds are more than in your favor? Have to say, if I am a crazy person, lumped in with crazy losers like them, I am OK with that.
I have been called crazy for quitting my job in Columbus, Ga and moving to Atlanta, been called crazy for thinking I could make it in radio (did that successfully for 15 years), called crazy for quitting the wonderful world of finance to pursue my dream of writing….and I have been called crazy more times than I can count for the things I have written. Some have said very harsh things about me. And that is Ok.
Because I am happy. I have a wonderful family, a great relatioship with BOTH my mother and my father, I have a wonderful man in my life, who treats me like a queen, I have a wonderful lucerative, succesful career as a writer that is very fulfilling, and amazing friends who love and support me. Those people who criticize me? Not so much….
So if you ever start doubting yourself, and wondering if what you are doing, the drum you are beating, is the right one, take a look at how happy you are. Compare that with how happy they are. Those people who criticize you (or me) – Who are they that their opinion matters? And I will never criticize them, because I am too busy living a great life. Let’s face it, if I listened to everything people said I couldn’t do, I would have never gotten up out of bed. Just put on your blinders, focus in on what you want, the life you want to have, the goals you want to reach, and reach them. You can, because this is your life and you can do whatever you want. It’s not about them, It’s about you.
When it comes to following your dreams, your gut, your heart, don’t worry about what someone else thinks. While they are talking trash about you to others, you are skipping along living your happy wonderful life. And they…well, if you are the best thing they have to talk about, then that speaks volumes. This is your life. It’s not about them. It’s about you. Never forget that. And never for get who. You. Are.
Stay grounded as a person, as yourself, follow your gut, and you will never go wrong. And if you let the negative things negative people say about you…then let it motivate and inspire you to 
proove them wrong. All those people who say I am crazy for writing? Or what I write about? Do they have a book that is being published is the spring? No? No. And I do not say that to be cruel, not at all. Just to make the point that I am living my dream, and if they want to call me crazy for it, then they not only have my permission, but my blessing as well.
So follow your own path, your own dreams, your thoughts, your own truth, and let the chips, and opinions fall where they may. Break the rules, challenge thoughts, do it your own way, speak your own truth and don’t be afraid. Those who truly know you will know the truth, and those who don’t…well, you’ll be too busy being happy to worry about them, or what they think. Because you, and your drum, and your beat, are perfect. 
Sitcom Moment # 6,421: The Princess and the Pee Cup
I wrote this in 2010, but someone recently asked me to re-post. So here it is. Please note that I am not responsible for anyone being hurt by laughing to hard, or if your drink comes out of your nose…Enjoy!
Went to get my pre-employment drug test for the AT&T contract today. Not a big deal. Did the pee in a cup thing and as I brought it out to set it down on the counter, the lid on it slipped and the contents of the cup spilled on the floor.
As the nurse/lab person and I looked down in disgust (and me in total horror of embarrassment), I happened to look up and saw one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen standing waiting to sign in. He had a look of horror on his face too.
Proof once again that my life is completely together…until a cute guy is around. If it was a little old lady standing there the lid would not have slipped at all.
I REALLY just wanted to crawl under something big and heavy.
I can hear you laughing…
Advice and Support For Domestic Abuse
Since I started writing about my experience of being attacked by my ex fiance 2 days before the wedding, I have received hundreds of emails, emails of support, gratitude for writing about domestic abuse and encouraging dialog, messages asking for advice and thoughts on what to do and how to get help. Every situation is different, but here is what I have learned in my experience.
Do not be afraid to fight back. Fighting back could very well save your life. My ex told a woman once that if you fight back, the police will arrest you (the girl) not the man. This is absolutely false. I fought back and was never arrested. Men who hit women are bullies and cowards, who use their size and strength to intimidate others.
Leave. Now. And don’t ever look back. If he hit you once he will hit you again. And the abuse will get worse with each attack, because he will get more and more confident that you will not leave.
Call the police, and press charges. My ex did everything to try to get me to drop the charges, he promised and pleaded…don’t believe them.
Don’t be afraid to dig around…you are not the first girl he has hit – guaranteed. Call friends, ex girlfriends, ex wives, hire a PI (I did). I found out my ex beat the crap out of his ex wife for years, and several girlfriends. I was just a number in a long list of girls.
Call a battered womans shelter. Even if it is the first time he hit you, call the shelter. According to statistics, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you leave and/or break up (that is when my ex attacked me). The person you talk to can tell you what to expect and how to protect yourself when you leave. Things like making sure you have a contact and a safe place to go when/if he stalks you or finds out where you are.
Now, what to expect, what they won’t tell you: You will tell your side of the story at least a thousand times. To your attorney, to the DA, to many police officers, to detectives and investigators. You may not even remember all the details of the attack right away and that’s OK. You will go through a different emotion every minute.
He will get back in touch with you. Trust me. He will not leave you alone and he may stalk you (mine still stalks me, and the DA is aware of the phone call he made this weekend). This is why it is good to call the Battered Women’s shelter so they can help keep you safe when this happens.
Also, do not be afraid to talk about it. Don’t be afraid to tell people what happened. There is often a sense of shame that is associated with domestic violence. There is no reason for you to be ashamed. You did nothing wrong, you did nothing to deserve being attacked. My ex still tries to blame me for him attacking me. There is nothing you could possibly do to deserve being hit, choked or whatever else he might have done to you. Along those same lines, do not be afraid to go to the media and get them involved. You would be amazed at what a call from a reporter can accomplish.
Some people may not appreciate you talking about it, and may walk away. That’s OK. When I started talking about what happened to me, 99.9% of my friends where very supportive, only 2 were not. Don’t worry about those who don’t like what you are saying. It’s not about them, it’s about you.
This is for starters and very general. Thank you for all your support. Email me if you have any further questions. I may not hav ethe answer, but I can help direct you to someone else who does.
The Wedding Band
It is beautiful. Made of gold and platinum. I have looked at many years, at how it sparkles when the light catches the beveled edges just right. How it shines and how the many years of wearing have only made it shine even more brilliantly.To me it symbolizes love, loyalty, honor and happiness. My Mother gave it to me this past summer when I was to be married. It is her wedding band, the band that symbolizes her 44 years (and counting) with my father. I nearly cried when she gave it to me.
And I kept wearing it even after, as it comforted me to feel it around my finger, letting me know that I am never alone in this world. That there are always those who love and will stand behind me. This ring also symbolizes everything that I have been taught about how to be a good woman to the man you love. To me it symbolizes the kind of values, relationship and marriage I want when that time comes. It also reminds me that the best love stories are the ones that happen over time, it is evidence of that slow burn. They knew each other and were friends for 5 year before they were married. Theirs is truly a love story of a lifetime.
And mostly because, all because, it reminds me of the love my parents have had and always will have for each other. They are a constant source of inspiration for me.
I remember not so long ago, my parents walking along the banks of the water, holding hands talking and laughing. My sister and I were so mesmerized by their love for each other that we could not take our eyes off of them. We just sat and watched them as they walked around, hand in hand, after so many years. It was truly heartwarming.
I have many beautiful pieces of jewelry, diamond rings, necklaces and bracelets. And yet I do not wear them often. What I do wear every day, is this ring. To me, it is the most beautiful piece of jewelry that I have ever owned. And when I look down at it, on my finger, I know, without a doubt, that I am loved. That they are with me, that I am never alone. It is one word: Connection. It is the physical reminder of the connection of family, and all that my family means to me.
It reminds me of my fathers voice, and his kind words of advice to me over the years, of working on my car, in the rain. It reminds me of when he would try to read me fairy tales when I was a child and he would always mispronounce the names. It reminds me of the many funny moments I have had with my mother and how she has always supported me, held me as I cried through my teenage, and even adult, heartaches. How she taught me, and teaches me still, how to cook her wonderful recipes. How both of them show me how they love me in their own individual ways.
And it makes me love that wedding band all the more.
Christmas Angels
Christmas time is always special, but this year, it is just extra special. Maybe it is because my Father is alive, maybe it is the love my parents share, maybe it is because we are all together, maybe it is because I am alive and not married to a monster, maybe it is because we truly love each other and enjoy each others company. I don’t know, but this has been the most wonderful and happiest Christmas we have ever had. No one has taken anything for granted.
The sweetest thing has been watching my father’s delight in spoiling my mother. He absolutely showered my mother with gifts. Now, Christmas is not about gifts, it is about love and the birth of Jesus, but it is been wonderful to watch my fathers expression of delight as my mother opened everything from him. My mother is the least materialistic person on the planet. She appreciates and loves my father no matter what. Their love for each other serves as example to me, and the kind of love I want to have when I get married, and nothing less is acceptable. Because I know true love really exists. Not only because I have felt it, but because I have lived with it as an example all my life.
I watched and took pictures and videos of my father while Mom was opening up her gifts. He was glowing. He just delights in pleasing 
her and making her happy. They not only teach love to their children and grandchildren, they live it. They have not only taught us how to treat our loved ones, they have lead by example. I know how a man is, and is not, supposed to treat me, by watching how my father treats my mother. He has never raised his voice or his hand to her. He cherishes and loves her her above everyone else, and would never do anything the hurt her, physically or emotionally. And that is one of the many reasons he is and always will be one of my hero.
My nephews had a great Christmas as well, and they felt very loved. As I walked around taking pictures of everyone, I heard the very happy contentment of conversation. The oldest and youngest nephews looking at the latest electronic gadget, and the middle working with his grandfather putting another together. My Mom looking after everyone like she does, the pets playing and running around exited by the wrapping and happiness in the air.
And somehow, The Man has made me feel very wanted, appreciated and needed from many miles away.
There was a flurry of activity as we ran in between family houses to wrap all the gifts…where we the scissors? Who was the last person to have that particular paper, and where is the tape? We ran out of boxes, a first for our family, so gifts became strange lumpy wrapped shapes. At some point bows and ribbon we just abondonned, as the hour was getting late. We are usually very creative with gift wrapping – even making one gift with antlers called it Rudolf a few years ago. But after the boxes ran out, creativity took on a new meaning. I did have the honor of recieving the worst wrapper of the year.
And then there is the food. Oh, the food, food, food. My mother knows how to feed an army. She is an amazing cook and baker. We have been stuffed with homemade candied peanuts (a favorite of all who have tried them), turkey, and lots of tasty treats. There have also been a lot of phone conversations with loved ones far away. There was one strange phone call from a man whose voice Mom did not recognize at 3301 Glenwood Circle, holiday, Fl and he hung up before speaking to my father, but outside of that, the conversations have been good and the laughter free flowing.
Last night we stayed up wrapping gifts…then the boys (my nephews) wanted to stay with the tradition of everyone unwrapping one gift on Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning. However, once they started they could not stop. It was a joy to watch, as I tried to keep up with taking pictures of everyone.
Today there was breakfast, then we all perfected the art of lounging. Do not be fooled by it’s seeming easiness. You must work very hard to truly master the art of lounging. And we all worked very hard and worked up an hearty appetite for our delicious Christmas Dinner.
Yes, this is the kind of Christmas we will always cherish, because of the amount of love in our house. I have to thank my parents for this. It is their love for each other that truly sets the tone for the holidays. So much laughter, kindness, quirkyness and fun. I love my family and am blessed to have them around me. It has been said that angels are among us, and looking at my family I know it is surely true. 🙂
Thank You! The Versitile Blogger Award!!!
A heartfelt thank you tohttp://southernseamuse.wordpress.com/ for nominating me for this award! I am very honored and humbled for this award. And just in time for Christmas!
Thank you all for reading. I have enjoyed sharing with you and enjoyed reading all of your thoughts and stories as well. There are a few rules for the award and they are:
The rules for the Versatile Blogger Award are :
1. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers.
2. Inform the bloggers of their nomination.
3. Share 7 random things about yourself.
4. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award pic on your blog post.
My 7 Random Things:
- I walk on my tiptoes when I am happy, and most of the time when I am walking up stairs.
- I steal men’s socks. Yes I do. This started when I was a teenagers swiping my Dad’s socks….
- I will loose my purse, my keys, my cell phone, my drink and maybe even my shoes, at least once a day.
- I never fart. Ever. Even if you think I have, I haven’t.
- I love painting my toe nails.
- I am terrible at telling jokes. Really, I am awful.
- I love Thai Food.
And The Nominees Are:
- http://thebeautifullifeofthetravelingwife.wordpress.com/
- http://dehypnotize.wordpress.com/
- http://istealkisses.wordpress.com/
- http://patcegan.wordpress.com/
- http://iamsimplytia.com/
- http://zendictive.wordpress.com/
- http://deidraalexander.com/
- http://lifeandothermisadventures.wordpress.com/
- http://isengaurd.com
- http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com/
- http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/
- http://ericasosney.wordpress.com/
- http://suehealy.org/
- http://thenakedturtle.wordpress.com/
- http://justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com/
Great blogs that I follow and hope you enjoy too.
Thanks again and Merry Christmas! 🙂
Adventures Abound!
We all need it, maybe we even crave it. IT is adventure. The need for something to get our blood pumping. Maybe it’s a scary movie, maybe a rollercoaster, maybe traveling to a new place or all of the above. I found a place that I will no doubt get a lot mroe familiar with over the next few months:
I ahve already flown a plane, so I will not need to do that one, but I am open to everything else the offer. NOw the only thing to do is schedule when we are going to go…
Yippie!
Christmas Rush
And so it is…the day before the night before Christmas, and I’m busy, busy! Working to get the last of projects completed before leaving, rushing to get the last few gifts bought, rushing to see friends before celebrating with family. Oh, but I am having the best time, because it seems this year, that people are having the best time, they are nicer and kinder. Even yesterday, driving to the airport in horrible rainy, tornado warning weather, people let me over when I needed to change lanes. No one was speeding, cutting off, or going to slow. This year there just seems to be a general kindness in the air.
I have seen happy shoppers, happy children and parents at restaurants, happy couples holding hands and snuggling in the cold. I have seen happy grandparents, just a happiness in general. No, not that everything is perfect, not those people not not still struggling, they are. But even those who I have seen struggling are thankful for t=what they do have.
Maybe it’s Christmas? Maybe it is the economy and people being aware that whatever the party, we are all in this together. Maybe it is thankfulness that we have family and friends in a most unsure time. Maybe people are more acutely aware tight now, that we all have things to be thankful for, no matter where we are in life. Whatever it is, i have seen more laughter, kindness and happiness recently. And it is nice. And contagious.
So this year, the Christmas rush is feeling so happy, so thankful and blessed. This year, the Christmas rush is driving and letting that person in, because someone let me in when I needed to change lanes. This year, the rush is putting a little more in the Salvation Army bucket…because I can and I should. And this year, may you have a a lot to be rushed about too.
To All My Writer Friends…
A friend of mine sent this to me and I had to share…because we are always working…! Enjoy!!
THE LOS ANGELES TIMES
OFF THE SHELF
The truth about writers What do they really do with all that time? By J. Robert Lennon
June 21, 2009
Ask a writer what she values most in her creative life, and she is likely to respond, “Time to write.” Not many of us have the luxury of writing full- time; we have spouses, families, day jobs. To the people closest to the writer, “writing time” may seem like so much self-indulgence: Why should we get to sit around thinking all day? Normal people don’t require hour after continuous hour of solitude and silence. Normal people can be flexible.
And yet, we writers tell our friends and children, there is nothing more sacrosanct, more vital to our intellectual and emotional well-being, than writing time. But we writers have a secret.
We don’t spend much time writing.
There. It’s out. Writers, by and large, do not do a great deal of writing. We may devote a large number of hours per day to writing, yes, but very little of that time is spent typing the words of a poem, essay or story into a computer or scribbling them onto a piece of paper.
Recently, I timed myself during a typical four-hour “writing” session, in order to determine how many minutes I spend writing. The answer: 33. That’s how long it took to type four pages of narrative and dialogue for my novel-in-progress, much of which will eventually end up discarded.
Let’s assume that this was an unusually brisk day. Let’s estimate that, in general, I spend between 30 minutes and an hour writing, on days when I’m writing at all. What this means is that, even at my absolute peak of productivity, I am actively writing less than 5% of the time. Considering how many days of the year I don’t write at all (most weekends, all holidays, teaching days, sick days, days of self-doubt, hangover days, bill-paying days), I could easily revise that figure down to 2%.
Should such a person, a person for whom writing consumes 2% of his life, even be called a “writer”? Given this logic, here are some of names by which I might more legitimately be referred:
eater
sleeper
bus rider
naked girl imaginer
child reprimander
internetist
cougher
But back to those four hours a day, during which, on those days when I do write, I am supposed to be writing. If I spend less than 25% of that time engaged in the act of writing, what do I do with the rest of it?
To answer this question, I surveilled myself during a recent writing session. The results are below.
8:04. Subject says goodbye to older son leaving for school.
8:05. Subject turns on laptop and sits on sofa in pajamas.
8:05-8:23. Internet.
8:23. Subject lets cat out.
8:23-9:07. Internet.
9:07. Subject lets cat in.
9:08-9:15. Really fast typing.
9:15-9:17. Subject makes toast.
9:17-9:30. Subject eats toast while rereading article in local paper about rural UFO cult.
9:30. Subject puts extra pair of socks on over extant pair of socks.
9:31-9:35. Deleting.
9:35-9:40. Re-creating deleted text almost verbatim from memory.
9:40-10:26. Internet, including 20 minutes spent writing, revising, and ultimately abandoning angry Internet message board post.
10:26-11:14. Intense self-doubt.
11:14-11:31. Subject showers, dresses (including two new pairs of socks).
11:31-11:49. Really fast typing.
11:49-12:01. Bathroom break.
12:01-12:05. Frenetic typing accompanied by quiet sinister chuckling.
12:05. Subject saves file, turns off computer, makes sandwich.
As you can see, writing makes only brief appearances in that chronology. Indeed, it would be easy to make a case for “non-writing time” as an alternative, perhaps superior, designation for what is presently called “writing time.”
The truth, of course, is that writers are always working. When you ask a writer a direct question, and he smiles and nods and then says “Well!” and turns and walks away without saying goodbye, he is actually working.
If a writer is giving you a ride to the bus station and pulls up in front of the supermarket and turns to you and says, “Enjoy your trip!,” she is actually working.
If you are a child, and your writer parent is scolding you for failing to do your homework, and then he or she suddenly stops, blinks twice, and tells you to go spend the rest of the afternoon playing video games and eating Pirate Booty, then he or she is actually working.
To allow our loved ones to know that we are working when we are supposed to be engaged in the responsibilities of ordinary life would mark us as the narcissists and social misfits we are. And so we have invented “writing time” as a normalizing concept, to shield ourselves from the critical scrutiny we deserve. Indeed, even writers who don’t write fiction are engaged in the larger fiction of imitating normal humans whose professional activities are organized into discrete blocks of time.
If you have any questions, please write them on a postcard, slide the postcard between the pages of a library book, and return the book the library. I will get to them when I’m finished writing.
Lennon’s most recent novel is “Castle.” He teaches writing at Cornell University.
Aging and Wisdom
http://platform.twitter.com/widgets/hub.1324331373.htmlAge is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain
As Christmas, the new year, and then my birthday approaches, I think about getting another year old, and of getting older period I ahve always loved the idea of getting 
older, as Father Time and I made a deal a long time ago: I only get better with age. The first time I saw one of those fine lines around my eyes, I panaicked, then I looked a little closer in the mirror and realized that with that line, I became more beautiful than I had ever been. And so it goes.
older, as Father Time and I made a deal a long time ago: I only get better with age. The first time I saw one of those fine lines around my eyes, I panaicked, then I looked a little closer in the mirror and realized that with that line, I became more beautiful than I had ever been. And so it goes.I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. Lauren Bacall
On my 30th birthday , I could not stop smiling. It was probably my worst birthday – my Mom dying of cancer, I was in a new place where I did not know anyone, and my boyfriend out of town on business…and yet, there was a smile that would not go away. Finally, I had arrived. And I supposed that is how I have felt ever since. With each birthdya there is an arrival, or wisdom, of expereince, of knowing, of sophistication, of life. Finally, I am old enough to do the thigns that I want, young enough to still have the energy to do them, and making enough money to do them as well. Why would I want to go back to the younger years?
Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength. Betty Friedan
Don’t get me wrong, I had a ball in my twenties. I partied a little, dated, stayed up all night driving to thte beach just to watch a sunrise over the 
water, went out with the wrong men jsut for fun, bought things I could not afford, took chances that drove my family crazy and marched through life with an innocence and just knew it would all be OK.. And it was. But, I have had more fun in my 30’s then even my best days in my 20’s. Because I am older, and wiser and can afford more, and am more comfortable in my own skin.
water, went out with the wrong men jsut for fun, bought things I could not afford, took chances that drove my family crazy and marched through life with an innocence and just knew it would all be OK.. And it was. But, I have had more fun in my 30’s then even my best days in my 20’s. Because I am older, and wiser and can afford more, and am more comfortable in my own skin.Yes, I am going to have much fun this next year, and I will earn every wrinkle, every fine line, every gray hair (thoogh I have colored my hair for so long I truly would not know if I had any). I will make this year the best age yet…though I say that every year. But i have so much fun every year because I never stop being curious, never stop learning, never stop asking questions and being open to the answers. I may not like what I learn, but I learn it just the same. And I am more of a woman, a person, a human being, because of my knowledge.
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. Henry Ford
The one thing I do miss bout youth is the innocence and Niavitee that goes along with it. Sometimes I miss thinking that the world is perfect, that there are really no bad 
people out there. One you have staired in the eyes of the Devil, you loose that innocence. But what age makes you realize, in that wisom caused by expereince, is that you can completely envelope those expereinces, until there is no trace left, until it is only, wholly I. And that wonderful morsel is only something Iknow because of my age.
people out there. One you have staired in the eyes of the Devil, you loose that innocence. But what age makes you realize, in that wisom caused by expereince, is that you can completely envelope those expereinces, until there is no trace left, until it is only, wholly I. And that wonderful morsel is only something Iknow because of my age.I’m happy to report that my inner child is still ageless. James Broughton
So it is with this attitude and excitement that I go forward another year, another age. And I raise my glass to Father Time and thank him. Because this year, there will be so many wonderful things to celebrate. There will be dancing, travel, laughter, writing, adventure, new expereinces, new questions, new answers, new opportunities, new life, new romance, new chances, a new age. And this, all of this, mostly because, all because, I have been blessed with a wonderful life.
My Own Limitations
Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly.
Richard Bach
There are three methods to gaining wisdom. The first is reflection, which is the highest. The second is limitation, which is the easiest. The third is experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius 
We all must know our limitations. Knowing what we can and cannot do keeps us out of trouble and in line. Yes, even for a risk taker like me, knowing what my limitations are keeps me in line. We must also never take ourselves too seriously that we cannot not at ourselves and our limitations. So here, for your knowledge and entertainment are a list of my most glaring limitations and things I simply will never be able to do or be good at.
Grace: No matter how hard I try I will never be graceful. Period. Not even if I trained at the Russion Ballet would I have grace…and I am pretty sure they would not even let me in the building, because I would probably trip on a piece of floor on my way into the building. The grace police would come and escort me out Yep, it would ugly.
The Ability to sew: I skipped Home-Ec in school, and it shows. I can sew a button back on a coat, or maybe fix the hymn on my pants, but beyond that…you really don’t want to trust me with sharp pointy objects (see above).
Singing: I can only sing in my car…and occasionally in the shower. Well actually I can sing everywhere, but I do not because my voice is so beautiful that no one would ever buy any album but mine, and I would not want to ruin all of those other music stars.
Drinking: I will never be able to drink more than two drinks before getting tipsy. Trust me, I’ve tested this one.
Poker: I will always loose at poker. Unless it’s Texas Hold’em, then that is completely different. I rock that game. And I suck at all others.
Jeopardy: I will never be able to question all the answers, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many books I read, no matter how much I cheat…it will never happen.
Whistling: I will never be able to whistle. I have been trying to do this since childhood. Maube it’s time to stop.
Wiggling my ears, rolling my R’s: Same as above, though I will also never quit trying. I keep thinking that, just like the lottery, today may be the day…
My check book: Ever since I was a little girl I have been able to do math in my head but not on paper. It took forever to find a teacher to understand that I was not cheating when I could tell her the answers without actually working the problem. My check book is the same way. I can keep track of every bit of math…until I actually try to write it down in the registry.
Shoes: I cannot pass up a great pair of shoes that are on sale. I have tried. I have failed. Now I just don’t go into the shoe store unless I have money.
Spelling: I try, I really try…but typo’s will be the death of me. And the sad thing is that I am an editor. But I can spot misspelled word or bad sentence structure a mile away on someone else’s work. But my own? Fahgetaboutit! IT must be like a psychic trying to read their own future…
Christmas Trees: I cannot Not put up a Christmas tree. Yes, it leans a bit to the left because of the Christmas Light Incident of 2009…but I don’t care. It is still my little tree and I will put it up every year…with as many lights and ornaments as it can possible hold. IT may be a little tacky, but it’s my tree.
Oreos: There is a reason why it is plural. It is because I cannot eat just one…or two…or even three. I must eat the entire bag.
So there they are, my limitations. Of course there are many more, but those are a good start. My therapist would be so proud!
Reflections
“You can try to escape the story of your life. But, you can’t. It happened: the baby died, the dog died, a heart broke. I knew you when you were young; I know your heart broke, too. I will know you when we are both old, and maybe wise. I hope wise. I know you now, your story. Mine isn’t the one I would have chosen in the beginning. But, I’ll take it. It is my story. It’s only mine. And it’s not over. There’s time. There is time. There is so much time.” – Laura Dern’s character in enlightenment.
Yes, it is that time of year again, time for reflections on the past year…and I almost did not do it, as my writings have already documented the events
– all the writings here, in other blogs and in my handwritten journal (yes, that is where most of my thoughts are kept…and yes, I am always writing in one way or another.) The quote above pretty much says what I feel about this past year.
This year, like every year, has been an adventure. I have been very lucky and blessed that there have been many more of the highs In 2011. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot run from your own life, your own story, though it may not be what you would have chosen. We’ll take it, we have to. Because it is ours. Ours. It is our own. And no one else can live our lives or tell our story, only us, and only in our time. But I would not want to run away from my life, because over all, it is such a great life.
I am very possessive of my story, because it is mine, because I am the only person who has the rights to it. This year so maybe things have happened, so much that it is almost hard to comprehend it all. And through it all I have stayed true to myself, though I am surely not the same person as I was at the beginning of the year. I have taken chances, dared myself to go further, work harder than I ever thought possible. I found what I was searching for and found treasures I never knew existed. There have been long walks, long talks, long nights, long skirts and short hair.
There have been false friends, new friends, and things that end. There have been some tears, but much more laughter, lots of chocolate, a little bit of weight gain (but the ass is still Spanktacular), a new bra size, celebrations (yes, one did involve the new bra size and yes they are real and fabulous), lots of cooking, sharing, some drinking, lots of kissing, lots of tripping, some falling, more dropping, a good amount of cleaning out of things – refrigerators, friends list, desks, cars, contacts, that junk drawer that everyone has that seems to have every random thing in the house. There have been birthdays, funerals, reunions, weddings and births. There ahve been new loves, new jobs, new adventures, new chances, new…
But mostly, there has been love, so much love that my life almost could not hold it all. Love from friends, lovers, family, colleagues, and so much more. 
Yes, this has been the year of love. Funny considering I set out at the beginning of the year to ignore the L word…and then it found me in every face I saw, every voice I heard, every where I went. I could not escape it.
What is Really Important
There are times in life where you stop to ponder and consider the things that are truly important in life. This has been one of those weekends. I went and saw my sister and nephews yesterday and had a wonderful time. Here are some of the things that are the most important to me:
Family: My oldest nephew and I have always had a connection, and I pretty much put him through his first two years of college. The single most important investment I have ever made. To support and invest in someone’s future is an amazing thing. And as I watch him grow and develop into the amazing young man that he has become, I know all the sacrifices have been worth it. Spending time with my other nephews this weekend just makes me see how lucky I am to be involved in the young lives of such incredible young men. My sister and parents and two of my best friends and this year has only brought us closer. My father is my hero, my mother my biggest cheerleader, and my sister is…my big sister who always takes care of me.- Friends: They are my heart and my support. I love them. No man is an island and I could not be where I am today without them.
- Health: My health and the health of my loved ones is so very important. With my father’s cancer still going, every day we have him is a blessing. We hope and pray that the treatments will be done in January, but it depends on if the tumor in his liver is gone.
My mother had stage 4+ Ovarian cancer and endured treatments from 2001-2003. She survived, but those two years were two of the most difficult of all of our lives.My own brush with death this year made me face my own mortality and everything I truly have to loose. Without your health, you have very little. - Believing in yourself: You must believe in yourself and your abilities. Forget what anyone else says, don’t pay attention to them. This is your life. It’s not about them, it’s about you. I forget that sometimes and get wrapped up in others’ opinions, and that can get me offtrack and off center. The secret is truly to just get away from it. Whatever it is, it cannot distract you if you do not let it in your circle, your world. Do what you know is right and listen to yourself and your own conscience. You will never go wrong in being the best you can be if you believe in yourself.
- Happiness: We all must find that place within ourselves, deep down, from which our happiness comes. You know that place that
no one else can touch. I have found that place deep inside myself and it has helped me through many hard times. For me it comes from my Faith in God. That is where my joy originates. But everyone must find it for themselves, and keep it, hold onto it. What originates your joy will be the place you return to to get you through the rough times. - Passion: No matter who you are, where you are, or what you do, you must be passionate about something. It doesn’t matter what it is, just as long as you have passion. I am convinced that it is my passion for living life, for writing, for being the best I can be that has made my life so wonderful. Having passion is the difference between existing and really living.
Love: Pretty self explanatory. Tis the season for love. But you must have it all year, not just around Christmas. Surround yourself with positive, loving people and you will always be in good company. And don;t forget about romance. I am truly enjoying that right now too.
These are the six things that are the most important to me and my life and this weekend has been a great reminder. Tomorrow is church then spending time with the man. Life is good.
Into Another World
Tonight was spent with family, especially my nephews. Middle nephew shared his poetry with me tonight, told me of his inspirations and muses. He filled me in on the back story of each piece. It was wonderful. I am always so thrilled to be a part of their young world. They always teach me so much and I am constantly amazed at their depth and intelligeance.
Tomorrow he wants me to meet his girlfriend…if I promised not to embarras him with stories of when he was a baby. I agreed and said I would save them for another day…
Letter to My 16 Year Old Self
This post was inspired by a post I saw on Freshly Pressed: http://tracilee.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/dear-me-a-letter-to-my-16-year-old-self/
I know you are very strong willed and head strong, and are going to do what you want, but here are some tips to keep in mind along the way. Plus, everything that happens really does happen for a reason, and makes you into a great person who is strong and comapssionate. First, you are beautiful. You will later look back at pictures and wonder what you were so self conscious of. Life at this age is awkward, from your body, to boys, to school, to, everything. Don’t worry, it all turns out OK. And don’t worry about your boobs, they fill out. It won’t happen until in your late 20’s and 30’s, but it does happen.
Second, remember that man who read your palm at your parents house? He said you were a writer, and you thought he was a bit crazy – he’s not. You do become a writer and it is even more fabulous than you could ever imagine. You write a book, many articles and you are happier in your career than you ever thought you could be. You also make really great money. In addition to writing, have a great career in radio in your 20’s. Your first boss in radio will be one of your lifelong best friends. You will also do a stint in finance…though you make a lot of money at it, it is not your true calling. Don’t feel bad when you leave it. You are not a failure, on the contrary, you are becoming what you were meant to be. You work hard and create the life you always wanted, and all the sacrifices along the way are worth it. You live your dreams.
Forget about what otehr people say and stick to your guns about doing the right thing. It pays off and your will always respect yourself.
Spend more time with Wendy, you’ll wish you had when she passes just a few short years from now. Her passing will have a deep and profound effect on you. And know, when it does happen, that there was nothing you could have done to stop it.
There will be two years, from 19-21, that you call the dark ages. Know that the things that happen are not your fault and you did nothing to deserve them. Forgive yourself. Listen to Amy, she sticks by you, supports you and loves you, even when you don’t love or believe in yourself. Know that these years help shape the canvass of your life and that you truly do become a better, richer, deeper person for your expereinces.
You and your sister fight a lot now, but later she will be your best friend and biggest champion. You will also be hers. The Link between you two only grows stronger with age. And she hides your keys in the couch (you’ll know when you get there).
Mom, she is . right. Always. Don’t talk back to her as much, and yes you do need to clean your room. YoYou don’t know it, but she has cancer now though it won’t be discovered for many years. Be prepared for the first time you see her in the hospital, your knees will almost give out…it doesn’t look good and she has enough wires coming out of her to look like the back of a stereo system. She survives but the next two years will be rough ones. They will tear you apart inside, but they will also bring the family even closer. And go to Vegas (you’ll understand when you get there).
On Dad: Take pictures of when the two of you work to fix the caliper in the rain. That will be one of your most cherished memories with him. As you get older he will be more and more one of your best friends and you often say he truly is the best man you know. And he is. And go out to dinner with him when he asks. That is very important.
You will have many friends in your life, and not all of them will be true or honest. But that’s OK. That is just part of life. You don’t have to understand why, just love them and know that it all works out. Through it all, there will be many who stay your friends for life.They will be your heart.
On love and Dating: You love with all your heart and everything you have. That is a very good thing, but you hurt the same way and just as deep. It’s all part of it. Don’t change it, as each time you love, it is deeper and stronger, until you are capable of loving even more than you thought possible. Loving someone is never a mistake, it is a gift. Never pass up the chance. Even if it doesn’t work, you will have wonderful memories, and a great book to write.
Having said that, here are some things you need to know: Don’t worry about what happens with your high school sweetheart. The man you date after that will say he loves you – believe him. You will spend many years looking for a man who will love you as unconditionally as he does. The man you call the love of your life truly is. When sis sets you up on that blind date, and you feel it, you are right. But that does not mean that you will end up together or live happily ever. after. It does mean that you will forever and always be thankful. It is worth it. Every second.
Some men you date will be wonderful, some terrible. Somewhere along the way you get the idea that you have to be nice to everyone who wrongs you. No, you don’t. You do not have to give chance after chance. Remember that. If they were worth your time, and treated you right, you would not be walking away in the first place. Be civil, but beyond that they can kiss your ass. That goes for men, bosses and friends.
On Marriage: You have a sneaky suspicion that you will never get married and will always be a free spirit. You very well may be right. You do get close twice. The first will be with the man you are with now, just 13 years later. At 37 you decide that you will probably not ever get married and plan to start a family on your own once in your 40’s. With the second man, remember to trust your gut instincts. Don’t stay in the hotel. You love both of these men with all your heart, but sometimes love isn’t enough, and you have to let it go. And that hurts, a lot. You don’t regret either expereince or planning to marry them.. You loved them, and that is all that matters. Yes it is worth all of it, and yes you would do it again. It is never a mistake to love someone, never a mistake to take that chance, even if it ends badly. Love them, just as much, just as true. Just learn from those mistakse so you do not repeat them.
Also never forget who you are. You are magnificent, strong and capable. As in any life, there will be great highs and lows. Times you hurt so much that you can’t even cry, and great moments that you think you may pop from joy. I wish I could hold you through all those bad times, and tell you it will all be OK, but you already know that deep down, don’t you? Even if I could take away the pain and hard times that you will go through I wouldn’t, because that would deprive you of the knowleadge, expereince and depth you will gain from having gone through them and come out the other side. The pain you go through will carves out deep spaces within us, so that we may b=fell and experinece life even more deeply than we ever thought possible, but life must carve those deep spaces out first.
Know that as I look back on the girl you are, and the woman you grow into, that I am proud of you.
You will always be clumsy, that never gets better. Save more money, you’ll need it when the job market gets bad. Renew your tags every year – that’s important. And no, you really do not need to drive that fast. Give up on your sock drawer and your closet. Those will always be messy. You sing great…in the car. Never forget that.
There are many more things to tell you. I would love to sit down and have dinner and fill you in. But just know this…it is a magic, sometimes tragic, beautiful, wonderful, terrible, heartbreaking, joyfull, life. And it all works out.
Love You Always
Me
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