Teeneage Daddy’s Girls and Their Mothers

Went to a good friends birthday party tonight and saw some friends I had not seen in a long time. Of course the topics between us girls turned to love, boys and being a teenage girl and how important our mothers were during this time. Ok guys, this is where you might want to stop reading. Really.

No matter how much 0f a Daddy’s girl you are growing up (and I was a huge Daddy’s girl, and still am), you still need your mother. This is because no matter how close a girl is to her father, there are conversations that either you don’t want to have with your father at that age, or questions that you know he will not have the slightest clue how to answer. Things like – tampons…do you use them or not? I remember a big question among my young teenage friends and I was can you use them if you are a virgin? Would you still be a virgin? How do you insert them? How do you get them out? Can they really go so far in that you can’t find them? If you don’t use tampons, what is the difference between pads and panty liners?  And what does it mean when one side is cramping more than another right before? Is that normal? What about the whole sore boob thing? What about lipstick, eye shadow, and pretty panties? What about how to walk in heels? What about so many other things that happen?

I love my Dad, he is my hero. He and I have always had a great relationship and even though he is a man of very few words, I have always known his love for his daughters. But I cannot imagine the expression on his face if I had ever even gotten up the nerve to ask him about these teenage girl things. He probably would have had a heart attack. I think I would have gone to a friends mom first – to save both of us from the embarrassment. The whole puberty thing is a very confusing and awkward time for girls. You have boobs, a period and all these hormones and no idea what to do with any of them.

So, to our mothers…who answered all of our questions and helped keep us teenage girls sane. And who are probably the reason why many of us are still Daddy’s girls.

So Many Blessings – Thank you for the Prayers!

Found out the latest of many blessings last night – My father’s liver cancer is gone. When he first got the news in August, he was told that liver cancer was incurable, and he was terminal. This has been a heart wretching thing to deal with over the last months. Then he was told to go to Emory University Hospital here in Atlanta (http://www.emoryhealthcare.org/emory-university-hospital-atlanta/index.html). They have a new treatment for liver cancer and it has been successful. Dad’s cancer was caught early, so they were hopeful.

Emory is one of the best and most innovative hospitals in the country, and it is the best hospital for liver cancer treatment in the country hands down – because of this new treatment. Emory specializes in the care of the acutely ill adult. And my father fit that catagory.

He bravely went to the chemo appointments and took the after effects in stride. Still weak after one of his treatments, he accompanied me to court for accusations the crazy ex was bringing against me. He could have said he was too weak, could have said he wanted to go home and rest, but being a loyal man, he came to court with me and my mother instead. He came directly from the hospital after his treatment, he didn’t even take time to rest.

His last treatment was yesterday. They were going to keep him over night, and do another treatment again this morning, but said that he was fine to go home and the extra treatment was not neccesary. His cancer was gone.  They filled his body with chemo at the site of the tumor and said he will be fine.

Our family has been so blessed. First my mother survives and is cured of stage 4+ ovarian cancer, now my father’s terminal liver cancer is gone.

Prayer works. I am thankful, humbled and grateful. And I love my Dad. He is my hero.

One thing is for sure, I have no reason what so ever to complain about anything. Thank you to all for your prayers.

The Gift of Cancer, the Gift of Love

Some people think because they’re stronger, or meaner, that they can push you around. I’ve seen a lot of that. But it’s only true if you let it be. The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations. – Stella, Silverado

Most of life, and the situations in it, are what you make of them. So when I say the fact that both of my parents have had cancer is a gift, most give me a very funny look

In January of 2001, we discovered my mother had stage 4+ Ovarian cancer. This was a tremendous and terrible sock, and the next two years we very difficult for all of us. Originally given two years to live, with no guarantee of quality of life, and a less than 1% chance of survival, she amazed doctors with her spunk, perseverance and most of all, faith, that this cancer would not beat her. And she was right.

My family has always be extremely close, but her cancer brought us even closer. We depended on each other in a way we had not before, and we saw each other in a very human way  It also made us acutely aware of how fragile life is, and how we need to treasure the time we have with those we love.

When I found out my father had cancer, it felt like someone had hit me in the stomach. The prognosis is good – they caught it early and he is getting treatment at Emory, one of the best cancer centers in the country. But still there is concern and we are acutely aware of all of the lessons we learned with Mom.

My father carries himself with a quiet air of authority and knowledge. He does not raise his voice, as truly powerful men rarely, if ever, have the need. So I was surprised to find that most of my ex’s are terrified of him, one even going so far as to hang up the phone rather than face talking to him just this past Christmas. Yes, he plays the Father Card well and heaven help the man who harms one of his daughters. No one back talks him or tells him what to do, or they will be swiftly, but quietly, put out.

Both my parents have loved me unconditionally, supported me and given me everything needed and wanted in life. So it is a gift to be able to be there for them now. My parents will come up and stay with me for his last cancer treatment next month. They are so afraid of being an imposition that I had to explain that it is my honor to be able to help them, that I feel as if I can, in a small way, give back a fraction of what they have so generously given me all these years.

My sister was there when my Mother went through treatment, now I am here for my father’s treatment. As the youngest in the family, it means a lot to be able to make sure my family is safe and comfortable. And while I know I could never in a million years give them what they have given me, at least being there for them now is a small start. And I hope they will see what a gift they are to me.

(If you are a faithful person, please keep then in yur prayers, thank you)

Anniversary

44 years ago yesterday they got married and have been together ever since.  They are both  my hero’s and truly my example of what it means not only to be married, but how to make it work.  Neither one of them are without faults, they are human. But one of the wonderful things about being an adult is being able to see your parents in all their human-ness and love them anyway.

I wear my mothers wedding ring, as a reminder of their love for each other, of the bonds of family, of how deep a true love can go, that a wonderful happy marriage can exist, and that good men are out there.

So to my wonderful parents, who serve as my example of how to be a fine human being, I love you and wish you many more happy years together.  When I get married, I can only pray to be as happy as the two of you.

Love Inspires: Home for the Holidays

This is the time of year many get very reflective, including myself.  Thinking about the past year – the good time, bad times, mistakes and little victories. There is something so comforting about going home this year for the holidays.  I feel though I have been incredibly blessed this year, it has also taken a lot out of me.  this is the time of year I tend to slow down and breath.  I want to just be burried in my family.  They are what keeps me safe, grounded and sane.  They are my heart.  And to me there is nothing cozier than sitting by the fire at their harth and having their love wrapped around me like a warm blanket.  My parents are a stabilizing factor in my life.  When I am with them, all is safe and all is good. All of us need a safe place, and they are mine.  It is no wonder I am looking so forward to returning to their harth.  I need their warmth and thier love to help renew my tattered spirit. Sunday was my parents 43rd wedding anniversary.

They met in 1962.  My father was the first person my Mom met in her new department at AT&T, though they had already met previously.  For 5 years they were good friends, Mom even went out with a few of Dad’s good friends.  When Dad finally did say he had feelings for her, she was surprised and a bit terrified.  For 5 yeasrs they had been friends, seen each other through the good, bad and ugly. For 5 years they had taken the time to know each other and feelings had grown.

It was finally my Grandmother Burch who proposed marriage between the two.  She said that they were obvisouly in love with each other and should get married before they met other people and their lives drifted apart.  Grandmother Burch was convinced that if they did not marry each other, it would be something they would both regret. One small detail was left out.  My mother did not want to be married, she was terrified of the idea, though she did love my father. If she planned a wedding, she would get cold feet as she had in previous relaitonships.

Grandmother Burch knew and understood this, so she planned the wedding.  My mother had nothing to do with it.  She was told when and where to show up, and didn’t even buy a new dress for the occasion.  There was no one she knew at the wedding, or she said she would have turned to them and told them to get her out of there.

43 years later, they are still madly in love, very faithful and very happy.  Yes, they have seen their ups and downs – there have been issues, fights and problems. But through it all, they loved each other. Love isn’t what you see in the movies. It is not always traditional and can be unconventional. It can happen when and where you least expect it. It can happen to you. It can happen to me (I hope).

It is their love for each other that gives me faith.  I know (hope) it still exists somewhere out there, because I have seen it.  I have seen that what is built slowly cannot be torn down quickly. That when you take the time to pure a solid foundation of love it will outlast almost anything. It is their love for each other that extends to their love for me…and that is the warm blanket I feel wrapped around me at night when I am lonely, discuraged, feel broken or hopeless. I look at them an know…and am Thankful. 🙂