Boundaries of the Heart – Getting Past Betrayal

I read this post from a fellow blogger today, and like many things recently, it struck a deep cord within me:

I’m disappointed things with “Craig” didn’t work out. I’m sad that it had to come to this; that the energy couldn’t materialize on the physical plane. All the writing and soul-searching have culminated into a heavy feeling in my heart, which is ultimately a good thing. It means my feelings have integrated in my heart and I’m not just off flying in space in my head. The energy has gathered and needs to solidify and organize itself in such a fashion in my heart before the next stages of letting go. In the end I know my heart’s boundaries are much more firmly defined because of the experience. – http://laurasusanneyochelson.com/2012/04/30/defining-my-hearts-boundaries/

Knowing the boundaries of the heart is so important and a topic which I am exploring at length. Getting over betrayal is very difficult. I am a woman capable of extreme devotion and dedication, yet I could not get over being betrayed. I think part of it is human nature; being betrayed is very painful and therefore, facing that pain and getting through it and over it is not easy. But I think it is also something more.

When someone is truly dedicated and devoted, they give everything they can, everything they are, to that other person and the relationship. And to be treated so lightly, so disposable, it extremely difficult. I think it is actually worse that rejection. To be treated as light and disposable is to say that you are insignificant, that you, and what you have to offer, don’t matter. That everything you thought, felt and offered was…not important – your love, your trust, your gifts, your devotion, your self. Getting over being lied to is the easy part, getting over the feeling of being so insignificant, can be downright near impossible.

So how do you get over it? Honestly, I don’t know. I couldn’t do it, and I tried.  The person who did the betraying and lying must work over time to make that person who was betrayed feel valued again. That trust devotion should not have been thrown away the first time, and the burden of proof is on them, not the one who was betrayed. Trust must be earned. But even then you cannot force the heart. And you can forgive someone and still not want to be with them, or move forward.  I forgave the man who betrayed me, but I will never go back to him. I just could not get over being so…insignificant – over and over again. He never gained my trust. And that is when I had to know the boundaries of my own heart, and begin letting go.

I kept trying because I kept thinking that it was a deficiency in me that I could not get over it. That there was something inherently wrong with me if this person did not value me in the first place (it must mean I was not worth valuing). But it would have been en extreme deficiency in me if I had been able to get over it – I know that now.

When he did not value me enough to treat me the kindness and respect due to each human, much less someone he was supposed to love, and I could not get over it, then  I assumed there was something wrong with my Faith in God –  in my being a Christian. But maybe it is God telling us something when we can’t get over it. Most assume that God’s Will is pushes us toward reconciliation, which is after all, the “Right” thing to do…but God works in mysterious ways. Maybe God is placing the inability to “get over it” in our hearts for us to know our heart’s boundaries. And that is why you cannot force the heart. I remember telling a priest that I could not get past what this man had done to me, I could not forgive. And he smiled at me and told me that sometimes God  doesn’t want us to forgive right away and that maybe not forgiving him right then was protecting my family and me from being further hurt. After all God is God, and if He wanted forgiveness to be in our hearts, He would place it there Himself. If you pray for it and it does not come, then it is God’s Will to be that way. So listen to what is inside of you and honor it. In honoring yourself, you are honoring God’s Will.

I did nothing wrong. I trusted, I took a chance and I loved. And then I left. Even the deepest levels of love and devotion have their limits, as they must not only be reciprocated but valued in order to grow strong roots.

That was many years ago and the experience taught me what I can and cannot get over. It taught me about true faith. About my perception of what the “right” thing to do was, about what listening to yourself and your feelings truly means. And now if someone betrays me like that, I walk away the first time, and I don’t look back. You don’t have to be angry or bitter, just know in your heart that that person is not the one for you. Ultimately, Love brings you Peace, and what brings you Peace will bring you happiness. Truly love is a joyful thing. And when you find someone who values you, what you have to give, and holds that sacred, then that is a love without boundaries.

 “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”  – Shakespeare.

Inspirational Article

I actually saw this article on Linkedin…rad it and it reached me in deep places. This is very good, very true advice. Enjoy!

The Link:

http://www.businessinsider.com/14-action-inducing-lessons-from-benjamin-franklin-2012-4

The Article:

14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life

Benjamin Franklin was a man of action. Over his lifetime, his curiosity and  passion fueled a diverse range of interests. He was a writer (often using a  pseudonym), publisher, diplomat, inventor and one of the Founding Fathers of the  United States.
His inventions included the lightning rod, bifocals and  the Franklin stove. Franklin was responsible for establishing the first public  library, organizing fire fighters in Philadelphia, was one of the early  supporters of mutual insurance and crossed the Atlantic eight times.  Self-development was a constant endeavor throughout his incredible  life.
Benjamin Franklin was clearly a man who knew how to get things  done.
Here are 14 action-inducing lessons from him:

• Less Talk, More Action
  “Well done is better than well said.” Talk is cheap. Talking about  a project won’t get it completed. We all know people who constantly talk about  the things they are going to do but rarely ever take that first step. Eventually  people begin to question their credibility. Taking action and seeing the task  through to completion is the only way to get the job done.

• Don’t Procrastinate
  “Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do  today.” This is probably one of the first quotes I remember hearing as  a teenager. With an impressive list of achievements to his credit, Benjamin  Franklin was not a man hung up on procrastination. He was a man with clear  measurable goals who worked hard to turn his vision into reality. What are you  putting off till tomorrow that could make a difference in your life today?

• Be Prepared
  “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” You need a  plan to accomplish your goals. Charging in without giving any thought to the end  result and how to achieve it, is a sure way to fall flat on your face. Think  like a boy scout. Have a realistic plan of attack and a systematic approach for  getting where you need to be.

• Don’t Fight Change
  “When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.” Whilst many of us  don’t like change, others thrive on it. Either way change is inevitable. The  stronger we fight against it, the more time and energy it consumes. Give up the  fight. Focus on proactively making positive changes, instead of having change  merely thrust upon you. Wherever possible, try to view change as a positive  instead of a negative.

• Get Moving
  “All  mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are  movable, and those that move.” There’s a reason we use the expression, movers  and shakers. Movers are the ones who take action, the people who get things  done, while the immovable are sitting around scratching their heads wondering  how others could possibly be so successful. Which group do you want to belong  to?

• Avoid Busywork
  “Never confuse motion with action.” We are always running  around doing things. We rush from one meeting or event to the next, sometimes  without achieving a great deal. At the end of the day, how much of our busywork  are we proud of? How much of that running around improves anyone’s life  (including ours) for the better? Make your motion mean something.

• Give Yourself Permission to Make  Mistakes
  “Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue  to reach out.” If we fear making mistakes, we become scared to try new  things. Fear leaves us nestled in our comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone  rarely leads to greatness. Taking risks and giving yourself permission to make  mistakes, will ultimately lead you to whatever your version of success may  be.

• Act Quickly on Opportunities
  “To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at  conclusions.” Opportunities are everywhere. The trick is being quick enough  and smart enough to seize them when they arise. Instead of jumping to the  conclusion that something won’t work or can’t be done, allow yourself the  freedom to ask what if?

• Continue to Grow
  “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and  let every new year find you a better man.” We all have vices of some  description. The key is to keep them under control or preferably eradicate them  entirely. Be kind to those around you, whether they are neighbors, family,  co-workers or friends. Never accept that you have finished growing as a  person.

• Keep Going
  “Diligence is the mother of good luck.” Have you ever looked  at a successful entrepreneur or business person and thought  how lucky they are? Most of the time, luck has nothing to do with it. Hard work  and sacrifice on the other hand have everything to do with it. Successful people  deal with failure. They tackle their demons head on. They pick themselves up and  keep going.

• Know Yourself
  “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and  to know one’s self.” Understanding ourselves is not easy. Sometimes we just  don’t want to see ourselves for who we really are. It’s much easier to hold onto  a romanticized version of ourselves or to simply view ourselves through other  people’s eyes. Start by being brutally honest with yourself. Follow through with  understanding, compassion and acceptance.

• Don’t Self-Sabotage
  “Who had deceived thee so often as thyself?” We spend so  much time worrying about other people hurting us, yet fail to comprehend the  damage we inflict on ourselves. If you are using negative self-talk, lying to  yourself or indulging in addictive behavior you are self-sabotaging. Life can  dish up enough challenges without us adding to the mix. Be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself like you would a best friend.

• Don’t Give Up
  “Energy and persistence conquer all things.” Achieving our  goals can be downright exhausting. There will be days when you want to give up.  There will be times when your energy levels flatline and you wonder why you  bother getting out of bed. Yet you push forward, day after day because you  believe in yourself and you have the determination and strength to back up that  belief.

• Wise Up
  “Life’s  tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” Benjamin was  definitely onto something with this one. Who hasn’t had the thought – I wish I  could know then, what I know now? Unfortunately there is no time machine; there  is no going back. The key is to wise up as early as you can to start forging a  life of purpose, achievement and happiness.

Thea Easterby is a freelance writer. Her blog www.writechangegrow.com  offers inspiring tips on writing, career change and personal  development.

Read more: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/DumbLittleMan/~3/DWbgFnI_6wc/14-action-inducing-lessons-from.html#ixzz1tX3jx6GA

http://rt.legolas-media.com/lgrt?ci=2&ti=16231&pbi=10919&lgif=1

selfish

Sometimes in life you just have to be selfish. And i have decided to be selfish right now. This is my life, no one esles, and it is my responsibility to make it work, no one elses. My happiness is my responsibility, no one else. So, until further notice, the universe does indeed revolve around me. And until further notice, I really don’t care if someone disagrees.

It’s up to me to be happy, so I am going toake sure I have what I need to be happy. I have just reached the point where I have had enough. Now, being selfish enough to take your own needs into consideration first does not mean that you have no compassion for others. It means you do…but that you also respect yourself and value yourself enough to draw a line if it means you won’t be happy with the outcome. Or drawing that line if you don’t like it period. Or if it makes you unhappy, or uncomfortable, or angry, or sad. If I want the good stuff, it is up to me.

One of my friends calls it getting your woman on. She says it is a time when a woman decides she just doesn’t give a damn and does what she needs to do. And I need to be selfish right now.