15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

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Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Recent events have brought up many memories and thoughts of THE original ex. He was the first man I kissed, he took me on my first date, he taught me how to shoot pool, play poker, taught me about music, driving, dirty jokes and so much more. All together he was in my life for a little over 20 years. He was such a part of my life and the family that my Mother, sister and I would often dream about him when we were apart. The impact this man had on my life is immeasurable.

We got back together 13 years after we first broke up, it seemed like a dream come true. How romantic was this story? To be reunited with your first and only true love? Surely it was a sign that we should be together for the rest of our days. The first man I ever kissed, would, after all those years, also be the last. But it was such a sick relationship, there are really no words to describe it and I did not see it at the time. In hindsight, we were not in love with each other, both of us were in desperate situations, and we both fell in love with the idea of this romantic story coming true. In essence, we were in love with love, not each other.

I was in a bit of a desperate situation when he came back into my life, and I saw that as a sign. He was my knight in shining armor, coming to rescue me. That was not so much the case. What I have learned in my old age is that when you make decisions based on desperation, or to get out of a desperate situation…you are trading one disaster for another, and it may be a tossup as to which one is worse. Getting back together with him seemed to solve all of my problems and would make life easier. But I traded up for larger problems. It can be very easy to mistake extreme relief for love, when all your problems are solved by being with someone.

What I have learned is that love gives you Peace, not relief. There is a difference between the two. The Peace comes from knowing that regardless of whether or not that Love is ever returned, it is freely and joyfully given. And that allows you to walk away from an unhealthy relationship even when you love them. There was no Peace in that relationship, no calm, no quiet, no relief even. It was a constant source of unrest, upheaval, unpeace, confusion, pain and anger. Love does not feel that way.

I left my home and moved up north to be with him, to start our life. And right away there was trouble. I was a committed partner and I would fight for our love. Be very careful to what and to whom you are committed. Tether yourself to a falling star and it’s a very rough ride down. So many issues: Personality disorders, infidelity, addictions, money…all things he brought.

When addictions are an issue in the relationship, be very careful. Depending on the person and the addiction, it can be a disaster. If we only had one issue to deal with we may have made it, but having to deal with all of them was just a recipe for a sickness. There are limits to what two people can work through, and any one of those issues would be difficult. Add them all together and all the issues that were compounded…and it was not good.

But I wanted to make it work, because I loved him, because I thought it was a reflection on me if it failed, because I thought somehow his addictions and unfaithfulness were my fault because I was lacking as a partner, because I seemed lost without him, because I wanted the life with him we always dreamed. He had been my Prince Charming for 20 years. And 20 years can be a powerful factor when you are thinking of leaving. or staying gone. I had no idea who I was without this person in my life.

And in trying to make it work, I ended up in a very codependent relationship. It is easy to get sucked into, hard to get out of and unhealthy for all. I didn’t even realize it until after the relationship failed. I just wanted it to work so badly. You would think as much counseling we had together, someone would have mentioned it. Nope.

Yes, we did counseling, church, praying, fasting, reading, couples exercises…and sometimes they would work, for a little while. And then things would go back to where they were before. I think he tried as much as he had the capacity. But you cannot expect an empty box to fill itsself.

Looking back, would I do it over again if I had the chance? …No, probably not. The cost was just too high, the damage too deep, and it took years to get over. And even now, there are some aspects of my physical health that will never fully recover. I vacillate between thinking he was a good but tragic man, and thinking there is a special place in Hell, just for him.

But that is the thing about hindsight. You always know the mistakes after you make them, even when warned before hand. Although plenty of people warned me that it would not work, they never said why. That left me thinking that they did not understand, but it was I who did not. While I do not believe in regrets, I wish that I had never tried to reconcile. Who knows what my life would have been like without the damage it caused – to me, to him and to my family. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. It was 7 years ago this summer that I left him.

Loving someone is never a mistake, but trying to make it work, regardless of the cost is. At least that is what I took away from my expereince. I learned to know my limitations, to respect myself enough to know what issues can be worked through, and which ones can’t. I should have believed him the first time he cheated when I was 17, I should have believed the first time he lied to me when I was 29, and I should have been smarter about the decisions I made in relationship. If I had, I would have walked away much sooner, with the same paece of mind and much less emotional, mental and physical damage. I forgave him a long time ago, but that never meant I had to go back, or that I have to go back now. So, love well and completely, but be smart, make smart decisions. Because sometimes you have to look past your own emotions and your own desires to know if something is worth risk and the cost.