It had been over a year since I cleaned out my email Inbox. Yesterday was the day…and I had almost 15,000 emails. I didn’t even know you could have that many unread emails. But there they were, staring at me in the face. One by one I went through them.
It is interesting the things that come to a stop or pause when dealing with family tragedy. I did not have the time or energy to go through any extraosseous emails form the past year. And it was strange going through all those emails , all those messages. It was like the past 15 months flashed before my eyes, heart and souls in just a matter of hours.
All the memories flooded back as I went through everything. All the conversations with the family about Mom, the service, the obituary, the bills, the funeral home…Then all the doctors appointments for Dad, emails to and from family keeping everyone updated, The everything with his service and the church and the family and who is staying where and coming from what airline.
There were all the things I had to cancel too, all of my doctors appointments, all of the trips, concerts and other fun things my then boyfriend and I had planned.
All of the emails to and from the grief counselors, from the beginning, to the last ones when they said that I am OK and have made through. All the emails from my best friends and angels, checking in on me, making sure I was OK, sending me inspirational messages.
Over and entire year of my life -the worst year of my entire life, documented in emails. And the emotions came over me with each individual email, playing back in my mind.
Now they are nice and neatly organizes. My trash box is stuffed, but going through all those emails reminded me of how far I have come, how many miles have been traveled and how many tears have been cried. I have traveled worlds in that amount of time. But now my life, just like the email, is getting in order and falling into place.