Trips and Chips

Sometimes we all just need to get away. We need to throw caution to the wind, buy the plane ticket and go. And that is exactly what I did. After stressful few weeks, it was time to take a break, see friends, smile and unplug. It was time to relax and get away from all the ugliness that had been.

And the result was a wonderful trip to clear the mind and the heart. I pressed a quick reset and reboot. Because sometimes we have to get away to get a better view, to get perspective on what, ad who, is really good for us and our life. We have to take separate heartbeats, dry our cheeks, and take a deep breath.

In this day and age of bigger is better and fastest is the best, we have to take a moment to have fun when things have been hard or overwhelming. And so there was Austin, TX. And there was a wonderful hotel. And seeing friends, laughing, exploring, talking, trusting, shopping, eating and catching up. And there was so much love there with all of us. There was a ghost trip, meeting new people, seeing old friends, and talking about dreams, life and other follies.

It was a great trip. Not just because of of the wonderful people I saw, though that was amazing; but also because it reminded me that there is life beyond what I have been dealing with. It is always good to reminded that the world, that life, that you yourself, are bigger than what has been placed in front of you.

And one of the things that I saw again, once away and unplugged, was how much I love taking care of others. I remember back in 2013, when I my sister and nephew were living with me, and Mom and Dad would stay with me for Dad’s treatments. I loved taking care of all of them. To make sure that they were all loved and cared for, having everything they needed – it was bliss.

And indeed, all I have ever wanted to do in my life is take care of those that I love. For all of my independence, and fierceness, this is all I want. It took me a minute to remember and see, but I have a new family now that loves me dearly, that has been there for me through everything, and who have been my strength in between heartbeats and seconds. And I want to continue to take care of them as much as they have taken care of me.

A gentle pat, a sympathetic look, a knowing smile, a hug…I think life is in these simple gestures, these priceless moments of truly being seen, heard, felt, and appreciated, for the unique facets of who we are, at our core. And that is all I want to give and be given in return in this life.

These moments come in random forms—they arrive unexpectedly, and it is up to us to pay close attention, to listen, to stand still long enough, so that we can push past the noise of the world and all its perceived barriers, and, finally, meaningfully, let our true selves break through.

So let the chips fall where they may. As long as I have people to love and take care of, as long as I am cherished, loved, respected and am treated with kindness, I will be happy. To write, to take care of those I love, and to be cherished by those who love me, is truly all I could ask for.

Life is too short for drama but somehow never long enough for all the love that can be felt in a lifetime. Take trips. Love deep. And have fun.

To Bill’s Friends

Just want to take a moment to say hello to all of Bill’s friends. He said that you read this blog and report back to him what it says.

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day and your busy schedules to stop by and not only read my blog, but discuss it and dissect it at length with an ex-boyfriend. You have no idea how much it means to me that you would all be that interested in my writing and my life. I truly have no words to describe the level of respect I have for you and your task.

I never would have thought that any of you would have had that much time to spend on me.

So thank you again, and I invite you to stop by as often as you like. 🙂

The Land of the Living

A friend called me last night and with exasperation in his voice, he said he was tired of so much death. Indeed, it has been a season more funerals and less weddings. And at some point, you do become death exhausted. But one thing such a season does it make you put things into perspective and change your priorities.

First, at least for me, it makes me realize how blessed I am in this life. There must be gratitude or what is the point of it all? I have a great job and fantastic career, a house I enjoy, great friends who love me unconditionally, and a great life. Every day I should be thankful for all that I am lucky enough to have.

It also makes me extremely humble to think about how many blessings I have been given. I am a great writer and have worked my butt off, but each opportunity I have been given, means that someone took a chance on me and hired me. I could not have become the writer I am today without all of those opportunities. But there are so many more blessings, every day, that make me so incredibly humble.

But family and friends are also important. And no longer will I ever place a job or contract above those in my life. That contract would replace me in a heartbeat if anything happened to me. And even though I am a great writer, I am highly replaceable, as is everyone one else in this world career wise. This realization keeps me thankful for my job, while helping me keep it in perspective at the same time. No one ever regrets not spending more time at work.  Your job is what you do, not who you are. How you treat those you love and how you help others defines who you are.

It is also important to be kind to others, while also not allowing yourself to be a doormat for toxic people.  There is a fine line between being kind and being a doormat. Understand that toxic people will resent you standing up for yourself. Your friends will immediately apologize and not do to again. Once you have sorted those people out being kind is not a problem.

As far as love goes, recent events have made me realize how important it is to be around those who love you and treat you right. Life is fleeting, spend you time with those who make your heart happy. Stay away from those who don’t.

And last but not least, I have learned the importance of fun. Life is short, so have fun. Go out, flirt, laugh, eat, drink and be merry. none of us make it out alive, so we might as well push the limits a bit. Smile as much as you can, sing out loud – really loud – to the radio when you favorite song comes on. Really listen to your friends and don’t waste time with small talk. And throw yourself into life with wild abandon.

And one more is take time to pray every day. Or several times a day even. Having faith is a major part of my life. Faith and prayer have helped me through more dark times than I can mention

These are my priorities. There are others, like make sure to do things you enjoy, do things that scare you, don’t let fear keep you from trying, but you get the idea. Everyone’s priorities are different, but basically do what makes you happy.

Life is short. Love it. Live it.

 

Toxicity

Several of my friends and I are going through a process of of pruning all of the toxic people out of our lives. And sometimes it can be uncomfortable to prune, because for some reason we owe these toxic people with their toxic behaviors a place in our lives. Maybe because they are family, maybe because they are or were a partner, maybe because you have known them for so long, maybe because you have mutual friends. It could be a number of things. But let me say this very clearly, if someone disturbs your peace, get them out.

And some behaviors are more toxic than others. One of the more recent ones I have run into is someone who was so incredibly arrogant, he insulted my profession is many ways, all the while with a smile on his face, which makes it even more diabolical. He is a self proclaimed “finance guy”, what ever that means. And he made sure he knew that he was more than an accountant, because accountants have no clue. Then he told me that my work as a loan processor and writing about finance was not making financial decisions, like he did. And that is why he was so much more superior than I…and all accountants, all mortgage processors,  and writers….

WOW.

First, what an arrogant ass. I am surprised that he can actually fit int he car with the size of that ego. What in the world makes someone so arrogant and…snobby? A LOT of insecurity and no gratitude at all. First, there is nothing wrong with processors, accountant, writers, janitors…or anyone else this horrible person looks down upon. While I have never been a processor or accountant, I have tremendous respect for what they do. And I treat everyone the same from a millionaire to a janitor, because they are, we are, all human beings with our own stories.

How miserable, insecure of ungrateful this poor person is. But, as much pity as we feel for them, get that person out. Miserable people will make everyone around them miserable because hurt people, hurt people. And mark my words, it is only a matter of time before someone that arrogant hurts you. Because with someone that miserable, will pick you apart and criticize you no matter what you do. Because they will always feel superior to you and everyone else. And because they are so arrogant, they will never see their wrong doing or admit it even if they did. Cut them out and run away like the wind.

The main thing that I want in this life is love – to give love and receive it as well.Those toxic people will never give you love, or if they do it will be extremely conditional and short lived – only there when you do exactly what they want. Forgetaboutit! And move on. it’s not worth it. That high level of toxicity will suck the life and energy out of your life, leaving you completely depleted and exhausted.

I want that love in my life, from my friends, family, and partners. I want to live a very simply 1950s life with no drama and love all around me. Does that sound ridiculous? Maybe to some. But I believe it can happen, but only after all the toxicity has been removed.

Life is short, too short to give toxic people another minute of your time. Live your best life without them. You’ll thank me later.

Thoughts in the Woods

It is Father’s Day, and it is not a day to sit around the house. Just because my father is gone does not mean I have to mope. So I went up to my favorite hiking place – Amacalola Falls. It was the perfect day for to be out in the woods, where I feel centered and safe.

The woods has always had that affect on me, which is why I hike when needing to clear my thoughts and heart. And there has been a lot to think about lately. The hiking trails were filled with families and a lot of kids. And father’s with their sons or daughters.

I miss having a family and I’m struggling to find my purpose not having one. For almost 10 years my life revolved around taking care of them. And I think not having a purpose is making easy prey for those do not have my best interest at heart. And when you’re searching we can easily find the wrong way.

And so I prayed to God at this beautiful waterfall. He made this beautiful place, these beautiful rocks, and with the beautiful water, on this beautiful planet. Surely He can help me find a purpose.

And then I talked to a friend of mine, who is in a similar place. And she reminded me not to come from this from a place of loss, but from a place of abundance. What does that mean?

That means stop coming from a place of stress. Instead of saying I have no purpose and I have to hurry up and find my purpose, why not recognize that my purpose will come to me? If I calm myself and relax I can free my mind and my emotions up for the what good is coming to me. There’s no rush, there’s no hurry. This isn’t the Life’s Purpose Olympics where somebody a golf medal for coming in first. There’s no time limit. I can slow down, and I can take my time, and I can let life unfold to me in it’s time and be open to what life shows me my purpose should be

And I want a purpose it’s meaningful and fulfilling, where I can help others and there’s something larger for myself, but doesn’t completely deplete me of all time, and energy, and resources. I want a purpose gives energy, and love, and meaning. I want a purpose that generates energy and recharges my spirit. This whole notion where we have to give to the point of depletion is a fallacy. We should be able to have a meaningful life without at sucking life out of us. There’s no Romanticism in being a martyr to the point of self-destruction.

Big changes are coming, because I am relaxing and praying and being centered. I am letting life show me what it wants me to see, and going with the current for once Yes, I believe in making the life you want, but you also cannot force it. I am figuring out the next, so I will relax and enjoy the now.

I will no longer stress because I don’t have it figured out. Instead I will focus in on me, and be centered. I will laugh and have fun. I will travel a bit, and clean a bit and work a bit and and pray a lot, and have faith a lot and love a lot. And in that, purpose will come.

The Rain and the Light

I love when the storms roll in. There’s just something so therapeutic about falling asleep to the sound of the rain, the drops falling against the window pane, and the Thunder rattling the glass. There’s something therapeutic knowing that I’m safe and sound inside, wrapped up in warm blankets in my own bed.

There have been many storms coming through in the last week both literally and metaphorically. And there is something cleansing about the rain as well. It washes away all the dirt, all the grime, all the pollen, all the pollution of the world. And if you open up your heart and your mind and your soul, it will clean them too.

After recent losses, this time to cleanse I wash away all the dirt and the grime so that the sunlight can shine through once again. It is truly amazing what happens when you cast out negative people who are bad for you. It is truly amazing the light that shines in. Even the cracks in the hurts in the heart are raised where light can be let in. That light floods the darkness, and once again not only the world but the soul in the heart are lit up.

In the past 48 hours I’ve had more energy and more peace than I have in the past three months or so. I am happier, I am lighter, I am more rested, and I feel better than I have in quite a while. I have long said that that which leads you to peace will also lead you to happiness. Because happy people have that sense of inner peace that’s all around them. Chaos breeds contempt and misery. And life is entirely too short to tolerate those instances.

And so I look forward to more of this rain, cleansing everything around, including me. I look forward to the sunshine in the coming days as well. And the rainbows and the growth I can only come from God’s love and light.

Lessons Learned

Everyone, at some point un their lives, usually several times, goes through a time where they walk away from relationsgips that are no longer good and healthy. And if we do not do this often enough, if we ignore the red flags for too long, God or the Universe, makes us do it.

It has been an emotional time in the House of Ada, between family deaths and drama, and other outside issues. And most have been supprtive and kind. Most. I have written extensively on grief and the importance the support of those around you. But it is not just about grief.

If you are going through a hard time, whether from grief, or health issues, or loss of job, or whatever, those around you have the power to help heal you, or harm you. If you are surrounded by love and support, those who treat you Bentley, healingbis much easier. But those who are constantly cruel and who constantly through you in choas and emotional pain, while you are going through hard times, are not your friends. Nor do they love you. For your own healing and sanity, walk away from them. No, actually run.

If you are in a relationship, your partner should absolutely be a source of peace and comfort. Lovers who refused to be kind and show compassion during hard times need to be shed.

I think that romantic Partners have a particular power to heal or harm their significant others during a rough patch. Constant picking and fighting but wear anyone down even the best of times. So if your partner is constantly picking fights when they know that you are emotionally vulnerable and in need of empathy and support, that is a conscious decision. They are making a conscious decision to either support you or to harm you. Everyone has a bad day and everyone makes mistakes, but if being mean to you is a consistent trend, get away from them as fast as you can.

Your partner should be your protector. Your partner should be the one you can go to in your absolute most vulnerable state, and never fear that anything bad will ever happen to you. They should hold you, say they love you, say that it’s all going to be okay, and reassure you and support you in any way they can. If they don’t, then that is a huge red flag.

Those who love you will be there for you, and will be nice to you, regardless. Those who love you will support you through your rough patch. Those who constantly fight or ceeate issues where none existed, are only doing so to fullfill their own petty needs.

Remember that. Pay attention to those that support you, pay attention to those who who are kind…and those who are not. And chalk it up to lessons learned.

Life is too short to spend time around assholes. Move on, live your life, do you, amd if they were meant to be a part of your life, they will catch up.