To Decide

“You need to decide if your just going to be that guy who sleeps with Jules for a few months, then she dumps you and we all ostracize you, or if you are really going to be there for her. But if you’re there for her, you’re there for all of it, all the crazy too.” – Ellie, Cougartown

For the first time in two years I went on a first date.  And it was nice. I was actually nervous.  He has a great sense of humor, smart and has the facial hair thing. There was nervous small talk that grew into a conversations, smiles and some laughs.

The fact is that life is messy.  And I am a little rusty.  But I am ready for the good stuff.  I am ready to be with someone who cares, who talks and communicates, and who sticks around for the rough spots. I want a hot slow burn that lasts and not a flames of passion that come one strong and fade just as fast.

And so I move forward, one foot in front of the other, one date at a time an open heart an an open mind.  Someone who sees that I am worth it, someone who is kind and compassionate, someone who gives as good as they get.  Is that from this first date? Who knows…but at least I am still capable of truly believing in love – that is does exist somewhere out there. My little heart has been through a lot.  It still beats.

And it dawned on me that life is resetting.  There is a new job, there will be a new place to live after the lease it up and there will be a new man. It seems that everything that was involved in the death of my parents is being reset and flushed out of my life.

And so the adventure of possibilities begins.

The Adventure and Possibilities

We all have those moments where we get news and then go into a complete panic. I had one of those moments last week. I love where I live, I love the house.  I found the house the first day it was listed online and it was perfect for the situation.  I needed a house that had enough room for my father, lots of furniture, a basement for a workshop, several bedrooms for company and a deck or porch.

The saying is that man plans and God laughs.  And I had a plan: To stay in the is awesome house, resign the lease and figure out my next move (like whether to stay in the ATL and buy the house or move to NC) after that year.

And God laughed.

The landlords are selling the house at the end of my lease.  My first instinct was to panic. I do not want to move. This place is packed with furniture…visions of boxes, packing paper and sweaty movers filled my imagination.  The second instinct was to buy the house, because I hate moving that much.

We all have those friends that are great for seeing the entire chess board.  After telling her my great plan to buy the house and live in Atlanta forever, my wonderful friend verbally slapped me.  “Don’t you dare tie yourself to a piece of ground.  Your are about to have the ability to do whatever you want, go where ever you want…do that and see how much happiness and bliss comes to you.  THEN buy a house.”

How many times in life do we get to take a chance like that?

And that was it.  She reminded me that the fear of the unknown is just that – fear.  How many times does fear prevent us from taking chances, or connecting or communicating, trusting or taking that leap of faith? And so the possibilities are endless. And the fear is replaced with optimism and faith.

My heart and my mind are open to the possibilities.