The Sad Less

Sitting at the family compound, it is quiet and still. It is just me here, no others until morning. And something has happened that has not happened before:

The sadness is gone.  This is my house, built with their love. I am the keeper of it, for now. And it feels good. It feels right. It feels happy.

I know this place is love. And I am blessed to be here. I am happy and optimistic about the future. For the first time in a long time.  

I feel my old self coming back. My smile, my heart, my happiness, my joy. I lost those things for a minute, but here there are, smiling back at me. I want to be silly and whimsical, I want to do the happt dance, make jokes and take chances. I want to love my life. And so I shall.

Who knows what the future holds, but I know, because I have Faith, that is will be good. The momentum has started. God brought me this far, blessings are around the corner. 

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Freedom

I did it, I survived not only the anniversary of Mom’s death, but the entire hellacious, tumultuous year.

It has been so hard, for so many reasons, and finally this time of profound grief is coming to a close.  There will still be grief, as you never stop grieving the loss of your parents.  But after wiring about it and having the time to really go through everything from start to finish. it has given me the closure I needed to move forward with life.

And so I take the chains of the past year off, I have shed that skin of the old and have emerged stronger, better, and more than I was before. I am tired of the doom, gloom, grief, depression, drama and sadness.  The sun is shining in what used to be a dark window, and I will not shy away front the light, I will invite it in and enjoy its warmth.

It is time ti stretch my wings, and enjoy the freedom the past year has gifted to me.  I am letting go all that I have carried this past year, with every heart beat, every breath, every tear, every step of a million miles my heart and soul have traveled.

It is time to date again, time to fall in love again, time to smile again, laugh again, have faith again, build a life again, and enjoy life again.   It is time to dance, to sing out, to be silly, to celebrate life and all it had to offer.  It is time to run and play, to work hard, to wear sexy high heels and and my favorite shirts.  It is time to wear lipstick and fix my hair, it is time to enjoy being a woman and all that is commands.

It is time to be free. It is time to return to myself, it is time to get to be ME.

So hold on tight, this is going to be an adventure.