Can’t Wait to Tell You

“You could have lived a hundred more years, and I still would never have run out of things to tell you.”

Now matter how old we are, it is always exciting to start something new. Today it was a new project on a new contract. Right in the fabulous new stadium, writing about technology. Meeting new people, learning about new things, writing new pieces, getting used to a new smdesk, new break room and area. It is always fun for me. And one of the best things was always calling my Mom at lunch on the first day, and telling her all about it. It was a tradition so to speak.

When you loose a loved one, and you finally get on the orher side of the grief, you finally start smiling again. You are happy again, you enjoy things again. You get excited about life again.

But then there are moments that hit you square in the stomach. Right before lunch I got so excited becuaw there was a list of things I coyldn’t wait to tell my Mom… Then the realization that I can’t. Because she no monger exists in this physical world.

When,those moment happen, you blink back,the tears and swallow hard, forcing the emotions back down to stop them running down your cheeks. You can’t cry in public, at work, at the party, or in the store, or in traffic, or where ever. So you just take a deep breath and carry on with your day.

But Mom, if you were here, I would call you and tell you about the view of the ballpark from the conference room. And about the technology involved with what they do (I would tell,Dad too). And I would tell you about the short commute, and what I will be doing, and thr 9th floor, and the people. I would tell you all,of it, because I loved telling you things. And you loved hearing about the adventures and goings on of my life.

And oddly enough, as I woke this morning, I smelled my mothers delicious cooking. As I woke from,my dreams, I smelled her chicken noodle soup, and smiled. It was a vivid smell, if that can be possible. And maybe that was her way of saying she is still here, still listening to my adventures. Maybe that is her way of telling me too.

Life is short. Enjoy the firsts, the adventures. And share,them,with you loved ones if you still can. And if you can’t, look for the signs – they are there. Because they can’t wIt to tell you too.

Trusting the Process

We all have heard that we need to trust the process. Take a deep breath and trust, pray, have faith.  But it is so hard to do. Because we get impatient, at least I know I do.  It is also hard to admit that we do not have any control over certain things, no matter how hard we try.  And that is incredibly scary and hard.

Why is it so hard for us to admit that sometimes we have no control?  I think that maybe it is because that also means admitting that we are vulnerable, in our human condition.  That we are dependent on others and on situations. And no matter how much money or freedom we have, this is the truth. We are all dependent on if that person takes a chance and gives us that job, or that opportunity, or that place, or that apartment, or that relationship, or that whatever. We are, to some extent, at the mercy of others for many situations in our lives, even if we are master negotiators, or experts in our field.

And trusting the process makes us keenly aware of this uncomfortable fact. But the truth is that no one ever accomplished anything spectacular without first taking the risk of being uncomfortable. And everything we want is on the other side of fear.

And this is where I am.  I have stepped out of my comfort zone and am trusting the process. Ohm but it is so hard.  I do what I can to make sure that I succeed, but outside of doing the best that I can, it is largely out of my control. Many things have moved over the last few weeks, and God will place you where He wants you to be.  And so I wait, and trust, and pray and have faith.

Life would be much easier if we had a crystal ball that told us that things work out.  But we already know that they will, don’t we?  Even if life doesn’t always end up like we want them, or like we thought they would, it all usually works out.  And things are currently lining up in a more spectacular way than I ever thought possible.  But but is still rather scary and uncomfortable. And who knows how or where it will all line up.

Life is short. And we, in our human condition, have a hard time letting go and having faith. That is the challenge. Because we don’t like being uncomfortable, but it is worth it. Because all that stress and worry only erodes our quality of life. So breath and trust. And let go of control. and know, everything you want is on the other side of comfort and fear. Take the risk for something spectacular.

Friendships

Everyone has those times in life where things are just a blur. Where company comes and adventures are had, chances are taken and company is plentiful. This is where I have been for a little while. And it has been a blast.

I love having friends friends over, cooking dinners and breakfasts, having comfy beds and warm blankets on which they can sleep. And friends have been coming.  I have visited a few and some of come here. There is something very wonderful about sharing conversations, thoughts and life.

I went camping with dear friends, then a slew of friends visiting. And as I look around, at all the drop ins, and stop-overs, and Hey, can I stays…I realize that life is what you make it. And I set out to make my life so full of love that it is tangible. And here it is. I am surrounded by wonderful ladies who are the salt of the earth. They are loyal, honest and amazing humans that I am proud to know.

Not only is life what you make it, but home is what you make it too.  If you want a hoe where people feel welcome and wonderful, then you must make sure that it is a place where they want to be.  Wine, good food, hot coffee, comfy beds, soft pillows, warm blankets and lots of music and conversation is the key. Making sure that my friends feel welcome is the other.

Friends don’t care if your laundry is done, if the kitchen is clean, if the closet is organized or how long the to do list is. They just care about you, about making memories and good conversation. They care about spending time with you.

Never take those friends for granted, never take those who want to spend time with you for granted.  These are the people who make life worth while.

Life is short. Spend it with friends.

A poem

I’ve come so far from where I’ve been
Walked down those roads
I’ll never go again.
And as I smile and laugh inside
It’s taken hard work
And many tears to hide.
But now a new day calls my heart
And the joy bubbles up
From almost every part.
Oh yes, I have traveled near and far
Miles and miles from my heart
Now I all I want is where we are. – Ada

It seems that I haven’t written for a while, and indeed that is the case when I looked at the dates of the last post that I’ve written. It seems that I have just been simply enjoying life, and building what the foundation will be for the future. Indeed this seems to be a great time of transformation and Foundation laying and coming to fruition.

It can be very discouraging when you keep working hard but you don’t see results. Life has a funny way of happening. And for me, all of the sudden all the work that I’ve been doing is suddenly paying off. And things are falling into place quite nicely, quite beautifully, and I am absolutely delighted. And delighted because what I have said that I wanted for quite a while, seems to be coming true now. And the things that are coming to now are doing so because of the foundation that I said a while back. And these things that are happening now, will be the foundation for my dreams of the future coming true as well.

Because the work we do now, will be the foundation of the future. And I found myself on Solid Ground because of the work I did before. All the hard work, all the research, all the writing, all the talking, all the communicating, all the contacts, all the everything of it. It is working and it’s breathing and it’s living, and it is breathing new life into my life and into me. I find myself waking up excited, and I find that there’s a spring in my step during the day, because now things are moving. Now things are falling into place, and it is very exciting.

And so it is, when we see all that we want falling into place so nicely, so beautifully, so wonderfully. When we have worked so incredibly hard, and cried a river or even an ocean of tears, and put more Sweat Equity into our life than we ever thought we could. And then things start working.

And so it is from this Solid Ground that I am able to create the solid dreams that are coming. But I had tobget to solidnground first. And beleive me, that took a lot. A lot of hard work. A lot of prayer, a lot of everything. A lot of me. To constrict this life.

And that is the great thing, we get to build the life we want. Whatever our dreams are, whatever we believe, whatever we truly think we can go after and do and feel and see and want an accomplished, we actually can. That’s the magic of this life. That’s the magic of all that work and faith and everything. And this is where I am. Right at the brink. Oh there’s still so much work to do, and that’s okay because I can see it forming, this life that I want.

Sinnoh matter where you are on the journey, don’t lose Faith. Even when you’re so exhausted you can barely think, or see straight, or feel, much less plan. Trust me it will all pay off come and maybe even sooner than you think. Just keep going, keep working, keep praying, keep believing, and I promise it will happen.

Life is short, too short to be negative. So always be positive, always work hard, always believe, and always have faith. Trust me, it all seems to work out in the end.