They are one of the sweetest couples I know and we spent his birthday all together last year. Then I lived in Atlanta and we hung out at the Battery, the new park for my home Team The Atlanta Braves. we all had a great time hanging out, laughing, drinking margaritas and going to see baseballs games.
And this year I was honored to spend birthday time with this couple again. We all drove to meet up in Dallas and it was so great to see them. There was talking, laughing and catching up.
During this time of Quarantine and social distancing, most things were closed. A few restaurants were open and we even found a honky tonk, and much fun was had. We went to see the monuments are learn the history of the JFK assassination. We saw the X’x on the street and 6th floor window from where the shot came and it was sobering.
We ate BBQ and practiced social distancing. We went to the stadium that turned out to be closed, and went to gifts shops of places and took pictures.
But most of all is was great to all be together, to be with friends. It was great to laugh and toast and feel the love.
Life is short, and in this time of uncertainly, we can lean on each other still. We can find comfort in our friends, because the love of friends don’t change. Jobs come and go, houses, cars, even relationships come and go….but friendships, last. Because in friendship we build trust, we get to know each other, we grow together. we laugh, we learn and we love deeply. My friends are my heart and mean more to me than anything.
I have been told recently that I am glowing and. My response to this wonderful compliment was that is is because I am happy. And it is true. If I am glowing, it is because happiness is overflowing from my heart to my complexion.
It has been 4 years this summer since my mother died. Since then I have seen the death of my father, friends and siblings, And the thing about death and grief is that is doesn’t get any easier just because you have lost many. And I have clawed my way out of the pits and depths of grief only to come out of the other side shiny, happy and feeling new.
And the best thing I ever did was pick up and move out of Georgia. Wonderful friends and remaining family supported and encouraged me. There were a few critics and one ex who talked everyone I moved to the new area for him, but I did not listen. Never listen to the critics. Those who truly love you and have your best interests at heart will support you when you truly need a new fresh start.
It’s not easy building a new life, rebuilding yourself from the inside out and starting fresh. It is scary, one of the most scary things that I have ever done. But also one of the most amazing, bad ass, totally crazy like a fox thing I have ever done as well. And the only question that I have for myself now, as I sit back and sip wine on the patio under the stars and sparkling candle light is – why didn’t I move to Texas sooner?
Technically I know that I waited until after all was settled with the estate. But if I knew then how happy I would be here, I would have packed up and moved December of 2018 and instead of waiting.
Is life perfect? No, but it’s close enough. I still need to lose that Quarantine 15,” still need to clean up the house, find my check book, and vacuum. Still have a ton of books to read and Cannot get a tan to save my life (of course I wouldn’t mind spending some serious time at the beach to try.
The pictures are hung, the books are almost all unpacked, my little vegetable garden is growing and the back yard looks like an oasis, a little slice of heaven. And there are some many comfy little places to escape and read, or nap. The upstairs couch, or downstairs couch, the amazing “beanbag” lounger that is stuffed with memory foam, the porch swing and a few over stuffed chairs placed around. There are friends who are coming to visits starting in just a week or so. There is exercising and getting back into shape.
And most of all there is love. There is love of my career, love of my home, love of my friends, love of my little life here int he big state of Texas. And in this moment I have everything for which I have prayed. Yes, I am finally happy. Blissfully, ridiculously, wonderfully happy. To the point that that I feel as if I will pop from joy. IT is truly magnificent.
The time of grief is over, and now it is time to live life to the fullest. And I cannot wait for what this summer has in store. I know that it will be amazing.
Life is short. Too short to spend another moment unhappy. So make the choice to be happy today and do whatever you need to do to be happy again. It isn’t easy. but it is worth.
When your ex is upset you are happy with someone else…
I still remember how much I used to need you
Tried so hard to please you, but you didn’t need me
You knew I loved you, knew I always would be there
You just did what you wanted, you didn’t care
All the cards were held by you
There was nothin’ I could do
All those nights I sat alone, starin’ at the telephone
Wonderin’ were you ever comin’ home
Solitaire, it got so lonely
Solitaire, no one to hold me Where were you when I played solitaire?
It took some time but I stopped thinkin’ about you
Started livin’ without you, now look who’s back here
You’ve had a change of heart, well, mine just couldn’t wait, no no
You found out you loved me just a little too late
Once the cards were held by you
Now there’s nothin’ you can do
All those nights you sit alone, starin’ at the telephone
Wonderin’ if I’m ever comin’ home
Solitaire, see what it’s like now
Solitaire, to cry all night now
Solitaire, see how it feels to play
Solitaire, it gets so lonely
Solitaire, you wanna hold me
Don’t wait up, ‘cos babe, I won’t be there
Solitaire, solitaire, solitaire
Solitaire, see what it’s like now
Solitaire, to cry all night now
Solitaire, see how it feels toplay
Solitaire, it gets so lonely
Solitaire, you wanna hold me
Don’t wait up, ‘cos babe, I won’t be there
Solitaire (solitaire, solitaire)
There are all times when we need to check in with ourselves, to self assess how we are living our lives and meeting our goals. Maybe it is not an official thing, maybe it is just a quiet time of refection, but every and and then we do need to take stock so to speak and make sure we are on the path we have indeed chosen.
There is a question that I like to ask myself every now and then to do just that. “What have you done?”
And I think about what I have been doing with m y life – no in the not the existential meaning, just in the every day, what am I doing to be the person that I want to be and live the life that I want to lead? Am I doing the things that I need to do physically, mentally, spiritually, personally and professionally in order to have the life that I want to build? Am I really LIVING?
Because that is the thing about life, we can be alive without actually living. But what makes a person want to really live rather than to just exist? I don;t know exactly, but I think that it is about being in a healthy and happy space. It is the awareness that there is much more to life out there than just our little worlds. It is being humble enough to let it register that we ourselves, and our lives are pretty tine compared to what is out there, so you might as well experience everything you can when you are here. It is a thirst and a curiosity of life.
Now, of course we could all do more…but this is not about bashing yourself about eating that piece of cake, or not working out, or whatever. It is just making sure actions are in line with intentions.
And when I looked around, I had to smile.
When I moved here, to this wonderful place, in the wonderful little house, I wanted a happy new beginning. A fresh start where I could make life whatever I wanted. And I decided that I wanted a warm home in which to welcome friends. a garden and a great space to relax outside. And I looked around, all of that had happened.
In the 3 short months that I have lived here, I have created a wonderful life so far. I have met all of my neighbors and created friendships where they watch over me and I them. I have created a wonderful garden that is thriving and will produce many vegetables to share with my friends. My home is completely unpacked and set up. There is new furniture and warm spaces for reading books in quiet nooks. And there is so wonderful patio space with new re-potted plants, places to enjoy wine int he shade and listen to music in a breeze. And I have met someone with whom I enjoy spending time and building.
I have created a life that gives life and joy to others, and that is what I wanted. But in order to that, I must take care of myself first. And that is what I have done.
In 3 short months, town of those in quarantine. This is what I have done.
But it is also not always about “doing” either. I rest when I want to, do nothing when I need to, relax and enjoy. Sometimes I don;t move off the the couch. Because it is all about balance. We cannot be so sedentary that we never leave the house. but we need to be settled enough that we are comfortable in our own company because we have faced and concurred our demons.
I know someone who moved here 6 months ago…and his house is still not unpacked, everything is a mess, he has settled in, he has not done anything at all with his time here. He has done nothing to thrive, nothing to have a good life. He has a job and kids, but he has done nothing with himself, personally to enjoy anything. It is as if he is simply a ghost, moving temporarily through the walls of this life. All he does is sit at his house a drink. He does nothing to develop himself further or to “become.” That is no life, and that is not living. It is only existing.
Life is short, and we will all be ghosts soon enough. So take an honest look and ask yourself “What have you done?” What have you done to bring something good into this world? What have you done to help someone? What have you done to make someone else’s life easier? What have you to bring life to this world, and I don’t mean children? What have you done that will complete your legacy? And if you don’t like the honest answers, then you can always change it. Roll up your sleeves and start creating your happiness and a life well lived and well loved todayIt’s not easy, but it is worth it.
It is the official start of summer, and you can feel it in the air. Even in a time of pandemic, masks and social distancing, you can feel the excitement of summer in the air as people take a collective sigh and look forward to warmer weather, laying out int he sun, cooking out and enjoying life a bit more. There will be good food, grilling, boating, laughing, and loving of life. I am hoping there will be a drive in movie or two. It is summer after all.
There is an electricity in the air that is exclusively summer. You can feel it, hear it, taste it, smell it. It is the promise of fun as the release of all that has been weighing us down. It is the promise of shorts and summer movies and ice cream and smiles and romance.
And this past weekend I had the pleasure of starting my summer as well. It was a great mixture of spending time with friends and those I enjoy most, as well as some time alone. It was the perfect mixture of hot and sunny and cooler with some storms. and in that mix, the patio was finally completed. My plants are done, the vegetable garden is complete, the porch swing is up and the grill is set up.
It was time for me to try out the grill. A simple hamburger for the first venture. As a complete klutz, I have found it is better to start out small when you don’t know what you are doing, especially when sharp objects or highly flammable material is involved. I wasn’t even sure know to hook up the gas. As with many risks that have been taken in my life, I said a prayer and thought this will either be a great idea, or an epic fail…and I will singe my eye browse.
The result was not bad. There were no explosions and my eye browse are still in tact. This is the start of a beautiful friendship with Gus (my grill). I look forward to many more grilling adventures together.
What have you done. what life have you build for yourself?
We all have those things that we have always wanted to do or try. And we are sure that if we ever had the chance to try, we would master it and have a great time as well. There is something I have always wanted to do and now I have the chance.
I bought a grill today. A big shiny, pretty 5 burner plus gas grill. And I cannot wait to start grilling things. I am not sure what yet, but there are plenty of things in my freezer. And, famous last words…how hard can it be to learn? I mean, throw some chicken on there…or shrimp, or pork chops, or burgers, or steaks, or corn, or…whatever…put some seasoning on it and it works, right?
I can feel the judging scowls of those who grill as they read my casual predictions. Maybe I can watch some YouTube videos, or have friends over who know how to grill and don’t mind teaching. I’ll start simple, with some burgers or chicken, and go from there. My friends and neighbors will hopefully be the willing guinea pigs for me to tune my skill on the grill.
I am gearing up for a lot of company, many visitors when the airlines open up again and it is safe to travel. I will be going places and having people over as well. And I always want to be able to cook for my besties. Wine, a klutz and a grill…what could go wrong? With any luck I’ll be able to grab some corn from the garden and grill it, along with other vegetables too.
This is the life that I am crafting. A life happy with or without visitors. A life from which I need no escape, and travel is just for fun, not for sanity.
And maybe that is the bigger picture, as I create this space, in this moment in time. I am getting to know who I am without my family, without all the responsibility, without all the drama and without all of the everything. I am learning who I am, in this world – just me. I am learning what I like and what I want. And I like who I am discovering who I am and making this life that I want.
Life is short. Forge ahead. Forget what others think of you, or if they even like you. When you follow your own path, those who are supposed to be in your life will catch up. To thine own self be true, and those around you will be as well NOw, if you need me, I’ll be grilling.
We all have those times in life where things just line up. We work hard at our goals and to do lists, and so it is almost a relief when things just fall into place. It is the process of all that hard work coming to fruition, the manifestation of our hopes, dreams and visualizations. And this is where I am. I am still working hard to make thing happen, but it certainly helps that the Universe and God and answering my prayers.
The vegetable garden is growing fast and soon I will start work on the flower garden and fire pit. I hung the lights up for the patio today and the herbs are almost growing as well. The house is coming together and feeling more like home as I get things situated and unpacked. I love my life feels right now.
I have long said that we go about life a bit backwards – many timers we go after the job, the house, the title, the car…all of those things that we think will make us happy. And then we achieve that promotion and job title, buy the house and the car, have all of the nice expensive things but still feel empty. Why is that?
I think it is because we pursue the wrong things. When I was first getting out of radio and I was going to see employment agencies and recruiters, the first thing they would ask is what kind of job, what job title I wanted? Well, I didn’t know. So I described it tot them: I want a job that is creative, where I work in a team and where my contribution is meaningful. I have no idea what that job description is, but That is what I wanted and was open to suggestions.. To my surprise they smiled and said they knew exactly what I meant and would help.
Then I found writing and my own company and I never looked back. And I have been very happy in my career, because I didn’t pay attention to titles or that “list,” I just followed what made me feel good.
And even more, here in this new place, I follow the same thing. I want a home that feels good and warm and welcoming. So I chose a house like that and am filling it with things that make people feel at home. I want a garden that I can share with neighbors, so I have planted one. I want friends that are supportive and make me feel valued, and so I have sought out others with similar values.
And it is when we go after how we want our lives to feel that things fall into place. We work hard, pray hard and it will work out. I love my life now and am happier now than I have been in years. I love every part of my life, and new opportunities are lining up in ways I never even dreamed. I am so blessed and fortunate and every day I give thanks.
Forget about what you are supposed to do, forget what other s say or think you should do, and go for what will make you the happiest. I always have and have no regrets. They may call you crazy, actually they will, but that’s OK. It’s not their life or their happiness.
They called me crazy when I left NY with no job and no place to live. I was called crazy when I started in radio. People said I was crazy when I moved to Atlanta with no job and no place to live, just rolled into town with a full UHaul…but I found a place to live that day and a job a week later. My plan to get out of my comfortable job in finance to start writing was called “dubious” at best, yet here I am. People thought I was crazy when I left the safety of Atlanta for Houston, to move into a house I had not even seen, just looked at online. I didn’t care. And I have been happy with all of those decisions. And I am now blissfully happy.
And I’ll tell you a secret – they will call you crazy anyway, no matter what you do or where you go, so you might at well do what you want. Take the risks, if you think they will pay off. Don’t listen to the critics, what do they know anyway?
Life is short. Do what makes you happy, because your life is about you, not them.
Hi Mom. So With some help I finally figured out what you did in the Airforce and at the Pentagon. I finally figured out why you has special weapons training, all those personality tests, all the stories you couldn’t tell and all those places you went.
And all I can say is Wow. You were a total bad ass. We all know that you were, but this new information confirmed it. And how appropriate to find out about it on Mother’s day. Safe to say that I will never be as much of a bad ass as you.
I am so proud of you.
This mother’s day isn’t as bad as the others in the past. Yes, I have cried a bit, but mostly I am happy to be celebrating you, though I miss you so much.
Hi Mom, it’s me. Mother’s Day is this Sunday and I am thinking of you. I always think of you, but you are in my mind and in my heart more the month of May. Mother’s Day and your birthday.
I love it here in Texas, and my house is wonderful. I wish you could see it, you would love it. It’s bright and open and lovely. It has a good energy and people seem to love it as soon as they walk in. I am making it a home and it feels so good. I have even planted a vegetable garden in the back, and will be planting a flower garden too. It won’t be as good as yours, bit it’s already good for my first try.
I am happy Mom, for the first time since you passed away, I am finally happy. It has been a long time, and it took a long time to get over the grief of losing so much family in such a short space of time. Last year was especially hard, because of Jimmy dying.
I am doing much better this year, probably because I am so happy. I just had to get out of Georgia and get a new start. I am so happy I left. I love Texas and especially this little suburb. I love the neighborhood and the neighbors are great too. You would love them.
I am also dating someone new. He is wonderful so far and we really like each other. He is smart, funny, well read and a history and political buff. He is one of the only people I have ever met that could talk with and possibly know as much as you. You would like him. He is also mischievous and has a great sense of humor.
I miss you Mom, so very much. So many things I wish I could tell you, every day. I miss our daily conversations and telling you everything. You were my best friend. You are still the first person I want to tell everything to, all the good and bad news. I miss having coffee with you, or a glass of wine at night.
I’ll miss you this Mother’s Day, but I’ll be OK. You don’t have to worry about me. I am your daughter, so you know I’ll fine. 🙂 And I love you so much, you were the best Mom ever. Give Dad a hug for me, please keep haunting me (I love the lights) and please visit me in my dreams.
Ada
May: Your birthday, Mother’s day, Rex’s death anniversary, Jimmy’s death anniversary.
“I hope to arrive to my death, late, in love, and a little drunk.” – Atticus
There comes a time in all of our lives when we just want to have fun. As children we have fun and we play, but then as we grow up we seem to forget how to let go and have a bit fun. we are so worried about life, love, family, career, kids, bills, cars, laundry and a million other things. Especially right now, during the pandemic, and when we hear about killer bees, earthquakes. and snow in the northeast in the middle of May. (Is Mother nature drunk? Menopausal? Suicidal? Bi-polar? Whatever it is, can we get her some Xanax and tell her to sleep it off and call us in the morning?)
Sometimes you have to take life by the horns and have fun anyway. The pandemic is going to happen anyway, we are going to have to social distance, wear masks and deal with all of this anyway, so we might was well have some fun. And for me, fun is doing a bit of shopping (somebody put my debit card away). Amazon and I have become BFFs, and my bank card and I are now on a first name/number basis.
I have discovered my love for luxurious old Hollywood style glamorous dressing gowns, with feathered slippers to match, and little PJs or night gown underneath. What girly fun as I sip coffee (or wine in the evening) and talk to on the phone. If I am going to be stuck at home, I should at least look and feel fabulous. First came the new computer (which I do need for working and writing), then there were the tiaras and wigs, then books, some bookcases, and now finally – a car.
Yes, a car happened today. A sweet little fast 6 speed, stick shift Mini Cooper named Veronica. It’s 70 miles to the closest beach, and I plan on multiple trips with friends who are coming to visit. Or a girls weekend. Let’s pack it all up, and zip it over. It’s not fancy or expensive, it’s just a little zip around car that is fun as hell to drive. Windows down, radio up, rolling through traffic, driving a stick shift once again. I have missed driving a stick, because they are so much fun, they usually go fast and they are less likely to be stone because not one knows how to drive the things any more (shame really).
She’s not new, but she is fast and she is paid for, which adds to the fun. For the first time in years, I get to play instead of looking after everyone. I get to spend my money on what I want. I get to be happy. It is like seeing in color for the first time after seeing nothing but black and white.
But there are some who choose to stay miserable. Why would anyone choose to be unhappy? I don’t know, but I think they must have been wounded deeply somewhere in the past. Smile and wave at them, if they are able to join you at someone point, they will.
Life is fleeting, happiness is illusive and an easy life is promised to no one.But after years of grief an taking care of others, I am deciding to have a good time, even if I have to create it myself. So get out there are create your won party, if you do, others will catch that energy and join you, I promise. But we should drink life up, as much as we can, and make those memories. Yes, this summer is going to be more fun than I have had in a long time. And in this moment in time, I have everything for which I have prayed. In three short months. this life is everything I have ever wanted and more. I am blessed. And I am beyond grateful.
Life is short. Make fun when and where you can. Time is going to pass by whether you are having fun or not So why not choose to smile and laugh along the way? And don’t forget to wave when you see me driving down the road in Veronica, windows down, music blaring, wearing a wig and a tiara.
We all have those memories that come up, those little anniversaries so to speak, where we think back and realize how much time has passed. This is made easier by things like Facebook, which tells us what happened in our lives for each year we mode a post on that day. Sometimes we smile, sometimes cry, sometimes we just make a face and wonder what we were thinking in that particular moment in time.
I was going though my Memories, as I love to do – a little guilty pleasure I enjoy every day – and saw on that I had completely forgotten about, or tried to anyway. It was a picture of a sweet pink drink, called something sassy. And I remembered that night well, as I felt a wave a nausea hit my stomach. It was a year ago, in Ohio. I had agreed to go with and help my then boyfriend with two if his CFO interviews, something I quickly regretted. That trip was on of the worst of my life.
The night had started off great- a welcome committee meeting us and a great basket in the room. We went to dinner and afterwords had drinks at this great little place across from the hotel. Life was good and we were having a great time. And them he drank too much, as he often did. And when we got back to the hotel room, instead of a romantic evening, I was accused of cheating. I was there to help him, taking time off work, and on my own dime, but I was accused regardless.
He fought with me all that might, refusing to let me sleep, even getting a good friend involved. And strangely enough, he seemed to get angrier that I wasn’t cheating. We fought over the accusations for the next two days – all that night, all the next day during his tour of the area, all the next night, what would have been a brunch and all the next day until we left. I was done after the 2nd night, and I could not wait to leave. I have never been so happy to be home in my life.
I have often wondered what caused him to lash out like that, ruining what should have been an enjoyable trip After all, most people appreciate when someone agrees to help them with job interviews. But not his guy. The more I did for him, the angrier he was at me and the more he lashed out. I was shocked and stood up for myself. He did not appreciate my feisty attitude when I refused to be treated poorly.
Why do some people lash out at others who are nice or who are trying to help them? I really don’t know, and I imagine it is somewhat different for each person. what I do know is that he was an alcoholic who thrived on drama. He also had a very low self esteem when it came right down to it – fears of not being worthy, not being good enough and not deserving of love. Those who do not like themselves cannot like or love others, nor can they allow others to love them.
All of those memories and thoughts came flooding over me in a millisecond. And all of the emotions again too. And then I was able to take a breath and leave that memory behind. I pray for that man, that one day he defeats the demons that make him drink, and thus find the Peace he seeks and so desperately needs. And I am thankful that all of that is only a memory, brought on in an instant, and leaves just as quick. I am thankful that no one treats me that way anymore, that only those who cherish me are allowed in my life. I am thankful that I have peace. and that guy? Well, he is still drinking, still thriving on drama and still causing issues with how he treats those around him. But it’s not my circus, not my flying monkeys and not my problem.
Life is short. Ladies, don’t waste your time on men who haven’t conquered their demons. They will only drag you down and poison your soul because they are toxic to everyone around them until the not only deal with, but heal from, those issues. And your time is too precious and too finite to wait. And Always stay feisty.
At some point in our lives, we all do something that makes us a little nervous. We can’t go through life always being in our comfort zone, and indeed they say everything you want is on the other side of fear. Also say to get what you want in life you have to take risks. Indeed risk mitigation is a big part of life and of being an adult.
Being in a pandemic and the time of quarantine and social distancing definitely abs to that level of risk mitigation. For me it was a certain level of risk to trim my own hair. Many years ago I used to cut my own hair but this is different, this is 20 years later during a pandemic when I can’t just run to my fabulous hair stylist to fix whatever I mess up. But I wasn’t desperate need of a trim as my hair was starting to look very bushy and unkempt. I could hear my mother’s voice telling me that I needed to do something with that, as she would say.
And so I did. I took the risk and I got the scissors and I started slipping away, not at all sure of what the final outcome. Indeed I started to get nervous as certain parts of my hair started to look chunky and uneven. This was either going to be another success, or spectacular failure. And again, this is not the time to completely mess up your hair because there’s no one available right now to fix it.
But I’m pretty pleased with the result, as it looks sassy just like me. So I think it will do until I can get my regular stylist appointment went all this virus stuff is over. Until then, all enjoy the new do.
Life is short. Take the risks. Buy the shoes, wear the lipstick, tell that person you like them, or just cut your own hair.
It is the first day of a new month, and one of my favorite months of the year to be specific. I love the month of may be cause it is like a playground for me. It is before summer but the last of spring. So everything seems to wrap up in anticipation of the summer months. Everyone is getting everything done for the time of vacations and shorter days at work to enjoy longer time the he sun.
It is a time when I enjoy the milder weather before the temperatures start climbing. It is also the time of mother’s Day and the month of my Mom’s birthday. I would always make a big deal of both and have a long visit with family.
This month there will also be tending to the vegetable and flower gardens. It will be learning to play the piano and guitar again. And hopefully seeing some familiar faces as travel bans are lifted and the world becomes a little safer. My house is becoming a home as more things are unpacked and put in place. Books on bookshelves, ready to be read, collectibles from friends and family and travels out where the memories they inspire will make me smile.
Indeed, May is the month of promise and opportunity, before the activity of the summer is in full swing. It is a time to plan and play. There is company coming in the months ahead, and trips to plan to wonderful places. Barbados, Belize, California islands and of course, to Atlanta and more. It is a time of optimism and happiness, of love and loyalty and of joy.
It has been quite and eventful year so far – a move halfway across the country, starting a new life, settling in, meeting new and wonderful people, dating a new man, making a new home, starting new adventures, social distancing in a time of benevolence, and making a home. Things do seem to be slowing down a bit, which is great because other adventures can take shape. All because no matter what, life goes on. Time moves on. There is nothing we can do to stop it, so we might as well jump in and enjoy it. Make this time an adventure.
Life is short. Don’t ask May I? Jump in during this month and do it, own it, take the risks and make this a year to remember – not because of the virus and quarantine, but because of the changes you make and the adventure you have.
AdaLamar's Blog 
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