The cozy Peace

Last night as I lay in my bed, one thought came to my mind: I love my cozy little house, with the windows open, the cats purring, the doors locked and the security system on and a comfortable, wonderful bed and warm blankets. I love the music playing Softly while hearing the Crickets and animals outside. And it’s a cozy house because it is peaceful.

When I saw the house online, I knew it’s where I wanted to live. I just had a feeling about it which is why I signed the lease and moved in site unseen. A risk? Yes, but a fabulous one that worked out.  When I finally actually walked through the door when I moved in I could feel a good and positive energy.

The house that I lived in in Atlanta was big and beautiful, but it had a bad energy.  I found out later that  the last man to own and lived in that house had died from a drug overdose.  Addiction is a terrible disease, and I swear you could feel  the weight of it and all that came with it when you entered in the house. And I didn’t realize how heavy that energy was until I came to this house.

Everyone who comes here has said how great it feels, that there is special happy energy.  The people who lived here last were very well loved by the neighbors and were a happy family. Indeed there is only one person who has entered that did not like the house, but he was a bastion of negative himself and therefor, could not stand anything good and happy.

I love it here, I love this little house and the little garden and a little flowers and all my things inside. I love how I finally feel safe and how it’s becoming more and more my home. And I love how things have changed when I look back and think about my life just a short time ago.

And what a difference a year makes. I think of where I was and what I was doing and how I felt just 12 short months ago. A lifetime can happen in 12 months, 365 days.  we can travel the universe and back again , and indeed I have.

Fast forward to now to how everything is different – better.  Fast forward through all of the minutia of getting everything in place and ready.  Now I’m happy, fulfilled, and having the time of my life. I’m smiling and laughing and joking and I am hopeful for the future. I’m excited my life and all that comes with it. And for the first time in a long time, I feel light as a feather and I love the life I’ve made for myself here. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I Belong. Indeed this house is my home. But also so is Texas. No doubt in my mind that I am home in every sense.

Life is short.  Find your home.  Find your tribe. And love them hard.

May the Fun be With You

When we are children, out lives are all about fun. Playing, having fun, being fun, having fun friends and fun times. And then we grow up. We become adults and all of the sudden, that fun just disappears in the world of bills, children, responsibility, jobs, and just life in general. we have too many meetings and long to do lists to even think of having fun. Or do we?

This “time of the virus” as I like to call it, has caused us to slow down. No longer are we rushing to get the kids off to school, then hurry up to drive ourselves to the office, via rush hour traffic. No longer are we trying to pick the kids up, speed then to practice, grabbing a burger on the way, only to get home at 10pm, with laundry, work and a school project due tomorrow that you just found out about.

No, right now, it is all about staying in and being close to those only in your house. So we have been forced to slow down and spend time together. Talking to each other, learning about each other, laughing with each other, again. An din that process we have found…FUN.

And when we cannot find it. we can make it. People are getting creative with quarantine and social distancing. Because like it or not, we need fun, we need stimulation, we need something to occupy our minds and challenge us. We cannot just sit there all night and drink (unless you are my alcoholic ex…).

We have all met those people who are negative and miserable. They hardly ever smile and you wonder what in the world happened to them to make them so…miserable and UN-fun. They are the ones who such the life out of any room or situation. Don;t be like that. Find the fun, find a way to laugh, even when things are hard. It will get you through many dark times.

So, in my time to find fun, I went to the one place I knew I could find it: Amazon. And it did not disappoint. A few dollars, and 4 wigs later, I was smiling. After adding bunny ears, a pair of car ears and a tiara to the order, I was grinning form ear to ear. And they came today, along with the new, fast, sleek, bad ass computer. Oh yessssssssssss…..

In this day and age, in the time of the virus, and uncertainty and stress, we must create our own fun and creative outlets. So, if I must do housework, then I shall it while wearing bunny ears. I can garden in my tiara and vacuum in an evening gown, long red hair and maybe some cat ears. I am wearing the tiara now as I type, and I must say, it makes everything fabulous. I wore the bunny ears when I set up the new laptop. And I wore the cat ears when I danced around the house and did the dishes.

Life is short. Be silly. Be spontaneous. Have fun. Wear the tiara.

(No make up tiara selfie)

To Love

To Love one’s life is sometimes a lifelong Pursuit. Much like the pursuit of happiness, it can prove elusive to some people. But no matter how happy we are, no matter how great our life is, we all go through tough times and bad spots. At some point in all of our Lives we’ll all experience having a broken heart, grief, depression, anger, and many other emotions completely relevant to The Human Condition.

And most of us will get through those bad times, those valleys in between the Peaks. And it is from one of those Peaks which I right now. As I am absolutely totally blissful. It is something that is beyond happy, and it is something that can only come after the depth and pits of despair.

I love my life. I have finally created the life that I wanted. I left Atlanta and now, within, 3 months, I have everything that I’ve worked so hard to obtain. Too hard work, many tears, even more prayers, and a lot of faith, I’m finally here.

I have new friends, new furniture, a new place and making a home. I have made a vegetable garden and flower garden to share and I have met wonderful Neighbors.

After a hard few years, I have a clear conscience, a set mind, a happy heart, a prayer on my lips, and thankfulness in my soul.

If you’re not happy with your life, if you are not happy with where you are or what you’re doing, make a change. I moved to Texas, and in a short period of time I’ve created the life I always wanted. I’m successful, I’m happy, and life is beautiful. And I did it all without the help of my ex-boyfriend. Even though he still tells everyone that I moved here for him, he had nothing to do with my happiness or my success. Something he absolutely cannot stand.

And that’s the thing about people who are miserable within themselves in their own lives. They can’t stand when other people are happy without them, or in spite of them. So don’t worry about those people who refuse to cheer you on. Don’t worry about those who talk bad about you after you leave. They are of no significance to you or your life, and soon they will just be a name that you barely remember. Instead focusing on your life and what you want and what will make you happy.

Life is short. Far too short to be miserable or to be around miserable negative people. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. So make the move, make the change, and reap the benefits of the life you’ve always wanted to create. Our lives are ours to make, and we can make our lives the wonderful amazing novels that they were meant to be. We just have to love ourselves enough to do it.

Musical Number

In life we must always remain curious, we must never stop learning. Always look around and ask questions and try new things. Because when we stop learning is when we become stagnant. When we become stagnant, that is when we stop growing. And to stop growing is to die. So we must always remain curious about the world around us and always try to have fun with it.

And so it is in this spirit that I’m picking up musical instruments again. Indeed my piano is sitting in my living room, and there is a guitar in one of the spare bedrooms. I used to play both and even the drums when I was younger. Recently I played around with the drums and even a little bit with the guitar again, and I think I’m hooked. And so it is that I have decided to learn the piano again, drag out that guitar and even consider a drum set.

A good friend and I have recently started exchanging videos of a singing. It could be anything from spiritual songs to silly songs to pop or anything else that we decide on. The point is is to just have fun and entertaining each other during this time of quarantine and social distancing. Again the theme is to be curious, and to try new things, and stretch yourself, and most of all, to have fun.

Indeed once the vegetable and flower gardens are complete, and the house is very nearly unpacked, I will need something else to keep my time along with reading more and writing my book. And having fun with instruments seems to be the next logical step.

And so I go, singing, playing, and having fun. I’m being ever curious and open to new things.

Life is short, so always be curious. Drink life in with enthusiasm and willingness to learn. If we Embrace these qualities no doubt we will soon develop an absolute passion for life.

Dating ‘Rona

These are challenging times with the coronavirus. Social distancing, quarantine, wearing masks, it’s just all a mess. You would think that dating would be impossible during this time. Not so!

I moved to this new and wonderful City beginning of February. By mid March or so everything was starting to shut down because of the virus. Luckily enough, I started dating someone right before the virus hit and things shut down.

You may be wondering why this may be the perfect time to date someone when you can’t go anywhere, or actually do anything. But that is precisely why it is exactly the best time to date and get to know someone. This is because you’re not distracted by the Pomp and Circumstance of dating. You’re not distracted by the wining and dining. You are truly able to hang out and just get to know the person without any pressure.

In my last relationship for example, the man that I was dating lived in another state. He would fly in we would have a whirlwind weekend, and then he would leave. And I would fly up to see him. And we took lots of trips together and went to fancy restaurants. And while that kind of Whirlwind romance may sound fun and amazing, it also hid a lot of red flags. Because we were so busy doing that we were always on “vacation time” so to speak. By the time things slowed down, and we really started to get to know each other, there were horrible issues that caused irreparable damage. For instance, this man was a horrible alcoholic, but because we were always out and about traveling, it just seemed like part of the Whirlwind.

When you slow things down and you’re not moving at Whirlwind pace, you have a more solid, calm, and natural relationship. You get to know this other person in their natural habitat. When the choices of where to go are “my kitchen or yours,” and the movie selection is what’s on prime or Netflix, then the conversation is easy. And so is getting to know that person beyond all the Flash. You are not on vacation time, you’re on real time in the real world. You get to see who and what this person is more in their daily life, rather than the Glamorous Whirlwind life that they first present to you.

Everyone has heard the saying that we’re all on our best behavior when they first start dating. Comedians have even joked that you’re not really dating that person when you first start, you’re dating the representative. Dating in the time of the virus, when you can’t go to restaurants or fly off to this island or that City, you have no choice but to sit face-to-face and get to know the person, No Frills, and no Whirlwind.

And to me that is far better than all the glamour, all the Whirlwind, and all the fakeness. Truth be told, a calm stable relationship is far better than the emotional rollercoaster any day. Getting to know someone without all the distractions truly creates the foundation on which something more can be built. Because all of the irrelevant white noise is removed and you get to know who and what they really are, not who and what they want you to think they are.

Life is short, too short to be fooled by presentation. Choose the substance instead. While the Whirlwind larger-than-life romance might sound fun, it is nothing on which to build anything long-term, because it is completely unstable and not conducive to a healthy lifestyle. It is building a mansion on quicksand. And in the end that quicksand will consume everything, all the energy, all the effort, all the emotion, all the substance that you try to create and work so hard to build. Go for the stable and go for the substance, and build a on a firm foundation for life.

Safe and Sound

We all want things in life. And one of the most pure and beautiful things is to sleep like you did when you were a child. To be able to sleep with such peace and such clarity and to be so relaxed and safe that you can sleep as if you don’t have a single care in the world because you don’t. To sleep so soundly and so deeply because you know there is nothing on the planet or in the universe that could harm you. In that moment you trust the world and everything in it so completely all the walls are down and all the defenses are going and the only thing left is rest.

There’s a place we don’t often get to as adults. Even deep down the witching hour, whete the soul in the heart Converse and intertwine. Indeed those are usually when the monsters and the demons come out. Indeed even if our surroundings are safe, sometimes it’s our own insides and our own conscience and our own demons deep within that keep us from sleeping well. To be free of those as well, is to be truly at peace.

And how many people can truly say that they sleep well at night, that’s safe and that sound and that peaceful? How many people can truly trust the outside as well as the inside? How many people can truly say that they’re not fearful of the world within their own minds and their own Hearts?

This past week I had the experience of sleeping so soundly and so peacefully I can only say I finally was able to sleep as I did as a child. Just like I was a little girl safe in my parents house, with all my innocence and Hope intact. Before my heart was ever broken, before any tears were cried, before I was ever disappointed by anything at all. I slept as I did when I only knew love and happiness and life was perfection. This weekend I slept once again as if nothing and no one in the world could ever harm me. I slept again as if I were so safe, there were no walls needed, much less Armour or any sense.

And when I woke up, the sleep was so sound hours had passed just like 5 minutes. And yet I woke up refreshed, happy, rested and completely relaxed. Indeed after years of dealing with death and drama, finally balance has been sustained. Balance to the point of such peace that complete an utter rest as possible.

And when you rest like a child it’s not just sleeping, it is so much more. It’s when the heart and the soul and the mind and all the emotions of Being Human are finally at peace as well. And the demons dare not go because they don’t exist anymore.

Indeed I have fought well tooth & Nail over the last few years. Deeling with drama and family and death and more drama and other people’s situations, and hatred and anger and having my heart broken, and loss and grief. Yes I have fought all of those demons and won. And now I can truly rest,bfrom my soul to my heart amd back,again. It is the rest that only comes from being safe. And for the first time in many years oh, I was safe. And that moment, and that bad, and that house, I was completely and utterly safe and protected.

And something beautiful and amazing happens when you are able to get that kind of rest with that kind of peace. It is an Indescribable feeling that comes over you, and a happiness that is beyond Joy. It is a place from which love can truly flow. It doesn’t mean that life is perfect, or that there can’t be improvements. It just means you are so truly happy and blessed Where You Are that wherever you go next will be just fine. And you are safe in the knowledge and it will all be okay, because it already is.

And so I move forward, and this new place of peace, light, and contentment. But most of all, a peace that pierces the soul as nothing else can. A peace that envelops you and wraps you up like a warm blanket on a cold Winter’s Night. And all I can do is drop to my knees and thank God.

Life is short. And when you find that you are able to finally sleep and rest in the truest form, that is when you know it is truly a life well-lived and well-loved. I’ve often said that which gives us peace will make us happy. I’m here to tell you now that’s the absolute truth.

Better Than Gold

There are some things that are better and more valuable than gold. There are things for important than,money, abition and career. There are some things that will make you happier than a Mercedes or new truck, or a plethera of new toys. What are they?

Respect, kindness, affection, love, compassion, empathy, patience, understanding, peace, and passion just to name a few. And men, you better have more than money to offer a woman if you expect her to stay with you.

I say this because I have dated rich men, and I have dated poor men, and all levels in between. The best men were the ones who did not depend on their money. Let’s face it, any asshole can make money, but how many men can truly make a happy home? That takes a different kind of effort, and without it, relationsips will fail.

This past weekend was an example of the kind of effort it takes to make a relationship work. And it was wonderful. To matter, to be important and to be treated with kindness is priceless.

Ladies, never settle for being treated bad because a guy has money. It’s not worth the trouble. My last ex was always suspicious, always picking fights and questioning me over paranoid fears in his own mind. Truth is it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, because he already had his mind made up about it. The experience was terrible. 

But because he made a good salary, he thought that he could treat me anyway he wanted to and that I should be happy that he was just blessing me with his presence. He thought that having money was enough to justify lowering myself to the position of his emotional punching bag, taking all of his anger and frustration from his life out on me He was very wrong.

Bottom line is is it takes more than money to keep a real woman. There must be a partnership. It has to be reciprocation. There must be kindness and empathy and understanding. There must be laughter. And I must be those things when you’re sober as well. So men don’t think that just because you have some money that a woman owes you anything. You have to make sure that you are worthy of her, time her effort, and her affection regardless of how much money you have. And if you’re not willing to do that then you are definitely not worthy of her at all.

The relationship that I’m in now it’s truly wonderful. There is effort on both sides. There is reciprocation. Which also means that there is balance and peace. And that’s which brings you peace will also bring you happiness.

Life is short. Find those things that matter, things that are priceless and cannot be found in stores. Indeed trust cannot be bought, neither can kindness or empathy, yet life is worthless without them. And you are worth much more.

Shiny and New

There’s certain things in life that make us all excited. The smell and Shine of a new car, going on vacation, maybe even starting a new job. And some things take us by surprise by how excited they make us. For me, I am ridiculously excited about getting a new computer. It sounds completely silly and mundane and a bit ridiculous, but I’m excited nonetheless.

Some people have the gift of being technically or mechanically inclined. I’m definitely not one of those people. And the idea of getting a new computer just made my head hurt – Looking through all of the different laptops, and processor speeds, and hard drives, and video cards, and things I can’t even pronounce or understand. I spent several days, several hours each day, combing through reviews and looking at specifications and trying to figure it out.

Finally when my eyes were about to roll back in my head and my hair was actually hurting, I reached out to my big sister who knows more about computers than anyone else it seems. She knew my budget, she knew what I used it for, and more importantly, she knew computers. Begging, pleading with her I asked her to please just find a computer for me, send me the link and I would buy it.

Within 10 minutes she sent me a link back. Looking over everything, this machine look perfect for everything that I needed. Thank goodness I have a family of technical, electronic, and mechanical Geniuses to help keep me. I know the English language and I’m very good at communication, but when it comes to knowing this and that about computers and hardware and which one works best with what, my eyes glaze over and it could all be in Greek for what I understand.

So next week arrives fabulous shiny new computer. And for a writer, this is extremely exciting! It’s almost like a new journal, with empty pages. I think of how beautiful and shiny this new computer is, and all the empty memory it has for me to fill. All the software, all the projects, all the writing, all the pictures, and all the life.

In this day and age we definitely depend on our Electronics more than ever. So maybe it isn’t that silly that I get excited about something like this. It’s been six years since I had a new computer, and my personal laptop is very slow, and actually not working since I spilled Coffee over the keyboard. Using that as a convenient excuse to replace the outdated the computer, I’m extremely excited about its replacement. The old computer will be retired as the new backup, after the keyboard is replaced of course.

Life is short. Make sure you have the right tools for your trade, and never feel guilty about getting excited, even over silly things.

Lightning Storms

We all have those memories a childhood, the ones that make us take pause and smile and fill our hearts with joy. Every time I see a lightning storm I feel that way. My father and I used to sit outside underneath our covered back porch and eat boiled peanuts and watch electrical storms roll in.

My father was an electrical engineer, and as such he had an appreciation not only for all things electrical and complex, but for nature and God as well. He was a tremendous man of faith and pray dry thoroughly. He was amazed at all the Little Miracles on this world and considered lightning to be one of them. We was sent and watch the lightning, both of us in all and it’s Beauty and sheer power.

Last night I took notice when someone mentioned that it was a fantastic lightning storm to the northwest of where I am. I immediately ran to the windows to see and indeed it was a beautiful show. Soon I quickly put my shoes on and ran outside with my cell phone to try to capture some of the images for my sister, as she would sit and watch lightning storms with us too.

To my surprise several of the neighbors were outside watching as well, their children running around having a good time on a Cool Spring evening before it started to rain. I took a few moments to take a video and we all chatted and had some good laughs, from 6 feet away, while practicing good social distancing

And as I went inside, and continue to watch the occasional lightning after that, I had to smile. I wonder if my father knew the memories he was building with us, out there in the night time, sitting with us talking, eating boiled peanuts, bonding? I wonder if he knew that I’d remember all those times years later?

Life is short. And yet our parents are only with us for a short. Of Our Lives. I lost both of mine way too early, but they loved me enough to last a lifetime. And every time I see lightning, I think of my father and smile.

Advice

Since both of you read this blog I thought I’d at least make the time you spend here reading useful. I have some advice for you and your children. First off there are absolutely wonderful and amazing children you should be very proud of them.

The ex confided in me that there are some issues of acceptance and that it is tearing down self-confidence and making him quiet. Unfortunately kids are going to be kids and they’re going to make fun of anyone they proceed is different. Unfortunately there’s nothing to be done to stop that. What you can do is instill a sense of confidence in him by finding something he’s good at. Whether it’s drawing or music or cooking or farming or whatever, find out what it is that he likes and that he excels that.

That requires spending significant time with him just hanging out and talking to him. That means being able to relate to him on his level, not expecting him to relate to you on an adult level. You can also get him involved in a peer group, such as a church youth group where he will be exposed to children who are taught to protect others instead of bully. The Episcopal church has an excellent youth program, as do Presbyterian and Methodist churches.

He also confided in me that the oldest is having some anger issues. As someone who has dealt with foster children for 40 years, I can tell you that children emulate the actions and attitudes of their parents. And if it’s not coming from you Ms, then it will be coming from the father. I have been there myself and witnessed him yelling at the oldest and throwing dinner down at him because the son simply wanted his hamburger on a non toasted Bun. I also the face of the oldest when he was yelled at and had his dinner thrown at him. It hurt him, and then his eyes got narrow and there was a flash of anger.

Children act out when something is wrong at home or school, not because the are “bad kids,” The reason is that as children they have all the emotions that we have as adults, but they haven’t the life experience or vocabulary ormaturity or knowledge how to express those feelings. Nor do they have the permission. And so instead they simply act out.

When a child says they hate you it’s not that they actually do, it’s that they’re so frustrated with not being able to voice what’s going on inside their heads and their emotions, and they’re always told “No.” that they have no other way to express what they’re feeling and so they act out. Get him a child psychologist or where can have a safe space to truly talk about what he’s feeling inside. Or have the mother, or a good friend that you trust his excellent with children to sit down and talk with him. All children need a safe space free of Authority.

Think about how frustrating it would be as an adult to not be able to express your frustration and have to hold it in all the time while being under totalitarian authority of others. It would be hard for an adult, who has the life experience, and maturity to control their emotions. So imagine what it’s like for a child.

Take a look at Fortnite as well, which has been flagged by many agencies as one of the worst for children because of child predators and teaching bad habits. Think your kids are safe…have you ever watched the game while he is playing? Do you know for sure about the content or his friends?

Also sincerely talk with the father about his anger issues and lashing out at those children when he has been drinking and is frustrated, tired or short-tempered himself. He assaulted me while the kids were “upstairs,” so there is no telling what they actually saw or heard. Children usually emulate the actions of the parents. So it’s not if it’s not coming from the mother’s house, then it’ll be coming from the father’s.

Also recognize that the last 18-24 months have been full of change and not much stability for them: They went from living in Texas with the 2nd ex, to another state with Dad, where he drank heavily for most of that, then had a crazy nanny who left, then went back to Texas, now being shipped back and forth week to week…that would be hard for an adult to adjust to, but kids are expected to be emotionally mature enough to handle with no problems?

Good luck.

The Missing

In everyone’s life there comes a time when you take stock and evaluate what’s missing in their life. And there is one thing that has been missing in mine, and that is children. All of my life I’ve been around, working with and helping children. When I was a young child my parents took in foster children, then As I Grew Older I became a counselor and peer counselor myself. I’ve been a peer counselor in junior high school, high school and college, I’ve helped with church youth activities, gone through training and have been a crisis counselor for teens and young adults. And I’ve helped my nephew’s quite a bit too.

And I’m good at it, I would even say gifted. While I’m not as gifted as my mother, I love being around children and I enjoy helping them, teaching them. I enjoy talking to children and finding out about their worlds. Children are beautiful and complex and many times misunderstood. And I’ve always considered myself a bit of an advocate for them.

When all of this virus, social distancing, quarantine, pandemic crisis is over, I’m going to find a volunteer position to help children. Whether it’s reading and talking to children at the local children’s hospital, or volunteering as a counselor somewhere, or helping victims of sex trafficking, or whatever, I want to help kids again.

In the past I have avoided dating man with children for the fact that I would always get attached to them. And indeed that happened with the last man who had children. I grew to love them. Even though that relationship did not work out, it awoke and something inside of me. It made me realize once again how good I am with children and how much I want to help kids in need even if I have none of my own.

I only stopped volunteering with,children when I had to take care of my parents when they were termimal and dying. There was absolutely no way that I could take care of both of my parents dying and all the subsequent estate issues afterwards and continue volunteering. But now that that time of my life is over and I have fully recovered, it is time to start volunteering again.

I realize one of my passions and purposes in this life is to help others, especially children. Throughout my life I’ve been put in positions around children. This will be the first time that I seek it out.

I prayed for many years that I’m involved and can build something larger and more important than myself. I think that helping children is the purpose that God has picked out for me. If that wasn’t the case then why would he continue to put me in situations where I am doing just that? And so I am accepting this task with excitement and sincerity. If it is something that God is calling me to do, and God has given me natural talents to do so, it’s definitely something I should follow.

Life is short. Follow your heart and go where you are called. Our purpose in life is often very different than our job, but the two can and do office merge. If my purpose is to help children, then I will definitely be following in my mother’s footsteps, large footsteps to fill and follow, but joyful and fulfilling none the less.

Blissful Joy

During this time of anxiety, panic and just general going crazy with the world in the nation around us, I found a likely Blissful Joy. I like the stay-at-home orders. There I said it. Well I do miss going out and eating at a place that’s not my dining room, I enjoy the slow down.

I’ve noticed that people are no longer rushing around trying to get kids to school and get to work on time I’ll fighting traffic. People are slowing down and spending time with their children and with each other. They’re talking to each other and playing games and doing family activities. Instead of dropping the kids off at soccer practice and grabbing a burger along the way, they’re having a home-cooked meal and playing cards and talking afterwards.

I know it’s not politically correct to enjoy this time, but when have I ever been politically correct? And the truth is is that I’m having a great time.

I guess for me, I finally have an excuse to just stay home and love it. And it’s wonderful. I get up at no particular time I snuggle with the kitties as I wake up. I make my way down to the coffee pot to enjoy an absolute delicious cup out on the back porch enjoying the Texas morning. I say my thanks the God for another day in this beautiful state in this wonderful place that I live.

My garden is looking better than ever and thriving. And I see Little Sprouts growing up everywhere. The next phase is to put the flower garden in so I have to figure out where I want everything. But I’m absolutely loving this time just to be completely and utterly domestic. I am lucky and blessed and I don’t have a single tear in the world but taking care of my home.

Gone are the days of stress and drama. I spent over 18 months being the emotional punching bag to an alcoholic. And even after that I was willing to be friends until the drama was growing faster then Kudzu in the south.

Now my life is completely drama-free and there is nothing but happiness, and good relationships, and everything that makes me happy.

And I’m doing almost as much work inside the house is I am outside. Unpacking and organizing and hanging pictures and making this place a home. When it’s time for people to come over again I want all of my friends to feel warm and welcome as they walk through the door. I want my love and happiness to be tangibly felt as soon as they enter.

And then there is the exercise, which to be honest I’ve thought about it but I haven’t actually done yet. I still haven’t found my piyo DVD, and yard work is a pretty good workout as it is. But eventually I will do the pie or at least some sit-ups and push-ups.

I completely enjoy my own company, and dancing around my house as I play music on the Bluetooth speaker. All my favorite songs from all my favorite playlist coming into my house.

And seeing my favorite man is usually one of the highlights of the week. Weather dinner is cooked in his kitchen or mine, I know that a wonderful time will be had. Smiles, laughter, playfulness, conversation, good food, and snuggles on the couch. I run my fingers through his beard and through his hair as we both just to sleep.

It is a wonderful time and a Wonderful Life. I am so deeply blissful unfortunate. Every night I say my prayers and give thanks for the amazing day that’s just ended and all the possibilities that exist for the coming day. And every morning when I get up I say another prayer kneeling at the rosary or my parents prayed as well.

Indeed I’m not only making this house a home, I’m making my life my home. A place where I love to be, a place where No Escape is needed, and a place that I love. I’m not supposed to be happy right now, with this pandemic and all the dangers that are around, but I just can’t help it. I love every bit in minute Of This Moment and this time right now.

And it Dawns on me as I lay down and my wonderful comfortable bed, with my fuzzy happy kitties on the bed with me purring, but I have everything for which I have prayed. All my hard work has paid off and now I I’m enjoying the blessings that have come to fruition

Life is short. And we only get one life oh, so we might as well make it our own and make it one that we will love. Surround yourself with things that make you happy, people that make you smile, and love that will fill your heart. Just getting a very negative person out of my life, my mental state and happiness has done nothing but increase exponentially. If you only have one life, make it worth living. Follow your dreams, stay away from people who are mean to you or who drag you down, and surround yourself with love.

With a smile on my face, and happiness in my heart, I drift off to sleep. I sleep like I did when I was a child- Peacefully, blissfully, deeply.

Growth

Seeds are planted, watered and given light. The seeds take the nurients in the invironment around them and slowly, and every so gently grow. They grow despite being buried and in the darkness, sraight up, through the dirt, up to the Sun.

And isn’t that the same with us, in our lives? We are planted Where We Are, we take whatever nutrients are available and despite the odds, we grow. We grow into the beautiful and complex organisms that we are meant to be. With a little bit of love, a little bit of sun, and a little bit of dirt along the way.

And that is where I find myself now. Since being planted here in Texas, it seems that the ground is very fertile for all the nutrients needed to grow a good and wonderful and happy life. It’s also very stable ground on which to build a firm foundation for that life to grow.

And something else I found out, is that all the dirt from the past few years has only made growth more possible. As a matter of fact, honestly there would not be so much growth now if it weren’t for all those hard times. Does hard times have allowed me not only to grow stronger in this fertile ground, but also to be more appreciative of the Sun and all the good things around me.

When I laugh now it comes from a deeper place than it did before, when I smile it’s from the tip of my toes all the way to the top of my head. The way that I feel is so much deeper than it was before. I can only be thankful and grateful for all this life has given me, and all the good and all the bad.

Life is short. Appreciate your blessings and watch your life grow!

The Love of my Life

We all have those moments we realize we are feeling absolute and complete pure Bliss. Where the joy is bubbling up from the tips of our toes and pouring out the tops of our heads. And this is where I find myself today. In the most unlikely times of the pandemic, or anxiety and stress seem to be Paramount, I have found myself call, peaceful, and blissful.

Not too long ago I was filled with worry and anxiety. Started a few years ago before the passing of my parents, and continued on through handling all of the family in a state business. But then after your parents and so many people around you pass away, it seems like and xiety can be a way of life. I think it goes hand-in-hand with grief. That’s one of the many reasons why I wanted to move away from Georgia to the wonderful state of Texas. A new Fresh Start that was a clean fresh slate where I can make my life whatever I wanted.

And there was something so cathartic about Fresh Starts and New Beginnings. I still have the wonderful same support system a beautiful sisters and women in my home state, and they cheer me on from afar. And this morning I realize that I’ve truly made this life exactly what I want it to be, with my cheering section right there behind me.

I have this wonderful home, and a great neighborhood, in an area that I love and enjoy, in a city that I like, in a state that I enjoy living. My career is intact and you opportunities are coming to me daily, I am blessed and not have money being issue, and everything is wonderful in my world. My friends and family are all healthy, which is an incredible blessing. I have a wonderful person in my life who appreciates me and enjoy spending time together. And basically life is wonderful, and I’m ridiculously happy.

But the biggest thing, is that I have finally found peace. There is absolutely no drama in my life. The last bit of drama was left behind a few weeks ago, and since then my heart has been light, and there have been no troubles in my world.

So it is today that I am here, but the love of my life, which is my life. I have fallen in love with my life again, and with life in general. I’ve fallen in love with waking up in the early morning, and having coffee on my back porch. I have fallen in love with snuggling with the kitties, and working hard at deadlines. I’ve fallen in love with making this house a home, and creating a garden that has vegetables to share with my neighbors and Friends. I’ve fallen in love with every part of me, deep down where the Soul Meets the heart. And I have fallen in love with conquering my demons, and they no longer darken my door. I have fallen in love with sleeping peacefully at night, with no troubles on my contents.

Mainly because, all because, I have fallen in love with being happy. I have done the work and I’m dedicated every single day to having a great day. I am dedicated to praying, and meditating, and exercising, and doing the things I need to do to make my dreams come to fruition.

Life is short, too short to be unhappy. Take the risks and create the life that you want. Trust me it’s worth it.

Short Girl

Wall Street can be incredibly confusing. Especially during a time as volatile as it is now, it may seem very counterintuitive to invest. But sometimes being counterintuitive is the best way to invest after all. Especially when it comes to shorts.

So basically when you short the market, you’re betting that something will fail. All this may seem counterintuitive but maybe things aren’t quite as they seem or sound. Right now the market is so volatile this is the perfect time to take a little risk. But if you have good instincts, is it really a risk?

When you think about it, life is just a series of decisions about risk mitigation. Whether to stay at an old job or take a new offer, whether to stay in your old car or buy a new one, weather today this person or that person. It all comes down to risk.

When you think about it and all the decisions that we make in our life concerning risk with our emotions and well-being, money in the stock market is actually the least thing we have to worry about. Sound counter-intuitive? No it’s really not.

So I shorted the oil Market. It would seem counterintuitive yes, but it’s turned out to be quite a profitable risk. Cleansing oil prices are not good, but I have no doubt that was in a short. Of time the price for rally back to a healthy amount. As the virus lifts and the restrictions are less, the demand for oil will sharply increase, in my opinion. I simply took advantage of a short-term situation.

When it comes to life, love, and money, I’ve never been adverse to risk. I trust my instincts and I go all-in. For me that’s the only way to do it. An even if it turns out bad, at least I’ll have a story to tell and at least I tried. Nothing is worse than regretting something you never did.

Life is short. Live a little, trust your instincts, and take some rest. Trust me it will pay off down the road.

Interested Party

Why do you visit here if you don’t want me at all?
Why visit me and go down this Hall?
Why do you read this many times a day,
can you really be interested in what I say?

You said you didn’t want me over and over, and now it seems you look for me now over your shoulder.
Well if you wanted me to stay you shouldn’t have made me go,
but I shouldn’t have to tell you that, you’re old enough to know.

So why do you visit and read these words? why are you so interested in my worlds?
Why are you so curious, what do seek?
Silently reading the screen yet refusing to speak.

Well go on, read If It Makes You Happy,
sometimes I write thoughtful, sometimes sappy.
Maybe your here to try to fill the hole.
Your face lit up while you chew your skoal.

You’ll always think of me because I got in your blood,
And when the memories come, the tears fall like a flood.
Oh yes you’ll look for me in every face and set of eyes,
It echoes and aches, those last goodbyes.

So as you would say it is a public forum, with all that being said there is no decorum. So read, read to your heart’s content
That way you know about what to Lament.

My life is good and wonderful with a great big smile,
Don’t bother asking if you cross my mind every once in awhile.
I do still wonder if you hate me so much, why you come here to read and atill crave my touch.

But to each his own, and we have parted ways.
And yet you’ll still think of me all these days.
Maybe next time you’ll remember to be kinder,
So let this loss now be your reminder.

So read read and drink up the my thoughts, as what you read ties your stomach in knots. And yet a tear down One Cheek Falls,
As you look at your phone to check the calls.

The silence in the night echoes your heart, there’s no getting away from it, no matter how smart.
You can try and try and try even harder,
but that heartache will stay with you no matter what you barter.

Ada – 4/20/2020

Nesting

Many people have taken this time the catch up on home projects. I guess I know different as I have checked many things off the to-do list. Some say that it is called nesting, a common activity for women where they get their house all clean and organized and in order.

Indeed I have been unpacking and organizing and getting everything situated both inside and outside the house. The garden in the backyard is doing well and I’m ready to start planting flowers. And the house is getting better every day. It takes a certain amount of work and time and determination to make a house a home. It takes putting things exactly where you want them, certain pictures hanging in certain places, memories and laughter to make a house a home. It takes a lot of love to transform a building into a place where you want to be and want to spend your time.

And as the hours drift away, I feel an absolute joy in my heart. I love this place, I love this house, I love my neighbors oh, I love this town and I love being in this state. I am so blissfully happy here in this little home, and this little place that I can call my own. And I’m making this house my own, my own home. A place where I’m always safe and happy and protected.

Indeed this is where dreams will be planned and carried out. This is where laughter will happen. Long conversations, glasses of wine, and good home cooked meals will be eaten. This is the place well I will bear my heart and soul to those I love and who love me best. This is the place for my friends and family and loved ones will come and visit and share. This is the place where my heart will live.

And in these little moments Little Wonders happen. As I sit and organize and fold and clean and make this home my own, I find everything I thought that I had lost Within Me. In The Quiet Moments listening to the rain outside, and in the moments when I have my radio turned on and I’m dancing around the house to my favorite songs. Each second, each moment that passes I find myself more and more. I got deeper with each task and find more layers and more facets of myself that I’d forgotten.

Everything in the kitchen is just where and how I like it. The bathrooms are organized, the pictures are hung and make the room feel nice and warm. My closet is nice and neat and organized, which no doubt won’t last long. The sheets and towels and other linens are folded in the closet and nicely in place. The cupboard is full of cans and a refrigerator and freezer have plenty inside. I am incredibly thankful and blessed to have enough during this time.

And maybe that is why I’m so filled with joy right now. Because I recognize how incredibly blessed I am to be where I am, with the people who love me, in this place. I’m incredibly lucky I’m blessed to have lived through everything that I have seen, I’m incredibly blessed to witness the Miracles that have happened in my life, and I’m incredibly thankful be as happy as I am.

In this life, You can choose to be angry and bitter at the world and that those around you, or you can choose to take a deep breath and shake it off and be happy. I do and always will choose the latter. And as this time continues, I will be nesting and creating a home in my happy little world.

Life is short. If you make this life your own, you can make your life your home.

The Rosary

I gave it to my parents for one of their wedding anniversaries and they had it blessed by our priest. Now it hangs in my bedroom, and it means so much to me. Now I can pray did this rosary just like my parents did for so many years.

There is something so special about keepsakes and heirlooms from your parents, especially when they have religious or spiritual meanings. And this rosary represents so many things to me, most of all the love and devotion my parents aren’t only had to each other, but to their religion and faith in God.

My parents are the ones who taught me that no matter how dark a day gets, no matter how black the night is, you can always pray and God will always give you the strength to survive. They’re the ones who taught me that our lives were not promised to be easy or good or beautiful, but that God did always promise to be there for us to help us through.

They also taught me that God is there in the good times just as much as he is in the bad. They taught me that God wants us to be happy, he wants us to survive and he wants us to thrive. They taught me that the god Delights when we are happy and is delighted when we truly feel joyful.

And today of all days, when I received amazing news, my knees hit the floor and I pray to the Rosary. Because I know that I am blessed and Beyond fortunate. And I know that my parents are watching over me, and I know that my prayers are being answered. After so many years of heartbreak and heartache, God is blessing me more and more everyday I’m making my dreams come true.

Life is short. It is too short to not have faith in something larger than ourselves. Even in the darkest night we are never alone.

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Fading

Most of the bruises from the ex have faded, except a few. This bruise on my leg still very visable and sore.

Post Malone

My new favorite song. And adding Ozzie is just genious. Both have great voices.

A Set Table

I walked in and he was still cooking the last few things that remained left undone. A smile on his face and a kiss on his lips let me know that he was glad to see me. The kitchen smelled delicious and made me even more hungry than I had down on my ride there. A ride that in itself was magnificent on a beautiful day with the windows rolled down and the radio turned up.

And when the table was set it was beautiful. And all this food freshly prepared for me, even food he didn’t like and didn’t eat he had made just for me.

It is sweet and wonderful to date someone who gives as much as they take, if not more. It is truly magnificent to date someone who is delighted to see you, and talk with you, and laugh with you, and see your face light up with smiles. It is a dream to be reminded that not only are you the girl in the relationship, but that you are a woman – a person deserving of effort and consideration.

I’ve dated a lot of men in my life, and I think I have come upon one of the best. And ladies let me tell you, I would much rather date a considerate man, a kind man with a more modest purse, than a wealthy ass. My last ex made in excess of $400,000 per year, and yet was an arrogant, unappreciative ass. He would lament about his “stress” in life, because he had a boss who didn’t thank him for his normal work load.

Ladies, never trade being valued for being bought. There is a high difference. A man who values you will not hurt you, even when he is angry. A man who values you will never manipulate you or insult you. A man who values you will be there for you – without arguments, without suspicion, without games.

Yes money can make things easier, and it can certainly make things a lot more fun, but it can’t buy you happiness. Nor can money guarantee integrity, class, or the respect of others. Those are things that are too expensive to purchase, and can only be earned through honest actions.

Life is short. And the best things in life truly cannot be bought, because they are priceless. Don’t fall for the shiny fools gold, that tarnishes once the surface has worn thin. Go for what’s real. Real gold is valuable because it is the same consistancy throughout.

Gardens in the Sun

First off, I suppose the bruises from my ex Bill Little are healing up nicely. A week old and I am still store and spotted.

**********************************

When I was growing up my parents always had a vegetable garden. I remember as a child picking carrots right out of the ground, washing them off and eating them. Those were the sweetest carrot I’ve ever tasted to this day.

Gardens take a lot of work though. You have to prepare the land – clear it and make sure that the soil is the kind in which vegetables can grow. You have to make sure that your rows are neat and somewhat straight. You must also make sure that the vegetables that are planted close to each other are compatible and mutually beneficial with each other.

And that’s just for starters. That does not include all the Care and uptake it takes; the pruning and weeding and watering and fertilizing. There is making sure that there is no overcrowding, that there are proper insecticides to use and you must literally string the green beans on the line so they can grow properly on the vine.

Indeed the devil is in the details, and if you don’t put effort into it, the garden and everything in it will surely fail. And isn’t that the same in life as well? We must work hard to be happy and make sure that we have a life conducive to a healthy lifestyle, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

We could sit back and be lazy and let life pass us by, let all the things we want fail due to lack of care. Or we could step up and actually participate in making our life successful. And it could be anything from a college degree, to remodeling a house, to having a successful garden, to having a healthy relationship, to having a good and healthy and solid family. Whatever it is we decide that we want in life, it takes care and effort to make it come to fruition.

We can’t just plant the seeds and walk away. No, that’s a guaranteed way to have a life that’s nothing but a mess of an overgrown jungle. And we have all known people who have refused to put the in effort. Those are the people who may look good on paper, but when you get down to the nitty-gritty, when you get down past the surface, they’re the ones whose lives are unraveling. Because it takes care, and effort, and work.

And conversely it’s the same habits that you’re trying to quit. Whether it’s trying to quit drinking, or smoking, or quit eating junk food. Whatever behaviors or demons who are trying to conquer it takes effort. It takes a lot of work to go deep down, where the heart meets the soul and the mind is the tiebreaker. Because to conquer those demons your brain has to rise above your mind and truly rationalize the slaying of the Demons and issues that lead to those bad behaviors.

Most people believe the fairy tale that a good life, a happy life, just magically happens and falls into place. That is not true. Everyday, if you want a good, happy, successful, fulfilling life, a healthy life, then you have to make that decision every day. And every night before you go to bed you have to reaffirm your dedication and review what you could have done better that day, and what you will do better the next day.

I look forward to this Garden season over the summer. I look forward to sharing the vegetables with my neighbors and my friends here in this new place that I live. I look forward to cooking fresh vegetables, straight from my garden, for the people I love the most. And therefore, I must also look forward to all the work, or at the very least be willing to roll up my sleeves and do the hard work takes.

Because we truly appreciate that which we work hard to attain. As Tom Hank’s as character says in A League of Their Own, “It’s the hard that makes it great. If it was easy, everyone would do it.” Not everyone has what it takes to have a good healthy happy fulfilling life. Because not everyone is strong enough or is willing to put in the effort or the work every single day.

Life is short. And the time will pass regardless of the work that you put in. So since the only sure thing is that that time will pass anyway, you might as well work hard while you’re here to have the best life you truly can. I have long said that that which gives you Peace will make you happy. Always keep those who are willing to work hard close to you. Because those are the people who are going to stick by you when life gets hard and messy.

 

The Truths

No matter how old I get there are two truths that always remain:

Little Bitches

When the Little Bitch sends the ex wife to fight his battle and you have to spank them both and send them crying all the way home.

The response:

Dear Wynter, considering you are his ex-wife, you are very misinformed. First of all, who defends a man who assaulted a woman while children are in the house? Furthermore She moved for a promotion and a $30,000 raise at work. That’s a lot of money. I am sure you understand the motivation, since your ex husband pays not only child support, but suppliments your income in other ways as well (according to him), and even supplies you with toilet paper. (If he talks bad about her to you, he is also talking bad about you to her).

She chose her house online and had never actually seen it in person, much less measured the distance to your ex husband’s house. She has many friends in the area and planned to moved to the area 2 years ago, a fact well known to her friends (of which you are not).

Furthermore, millions of people live in the same area/city as their Exs, and it is not an issue. Your ex husband is simply not important enough for it to be an issue or for her to care one way or another. She sincerely wishes he could move on as well.

As far as a bully, your ex assaulted her and left bruises on her. Pictures can and will be uploaded or can be text messaged directly to you at your request. And, in my opinion, any “man” who leaves bruises on a woman deserves far worse than an online tongue lashing. I am sure you would agree if a man did the same to your daughter.

Your ex husband is the one who can’t seem to let go and has begged her on multiple occasions to come over, have dinner, try again, have “bear-goat” conversations, and continue on. He is the one who got upset when she said no more because she had someone else.

And I am sure your ex-husband told you that he paid for her cell phone. You should ask him why. It’s because during the assault, he snatched it out of her hands, threw it across the room where it hit the wall and broke. He didn’t pay for my phone – he replaced it after he threw it and broke it.

My advice to you: Get your facts straight. And encourage your ex to stop drinking almost an entire bottle of vodka per night.

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Don’t come on my blog looking for a fight and be surprised when you get one. And definately don’t seek me out unless you have the correct information. Go back home, and keep doing whatever he says, so he keeps giving you the money, honey. (Better you than me. I can’t live under a man’s thumb like that no matter how much money he has.) BTW, he did all that whike YOUR children where there.

P.S. Wynter, don’t you get tired of being his puppet-for -pay when he pits two women against each other? Women are supposed to cheer and build each other up. Why don’t you step out of the drama and tell him to stuff it instead of fighting his battles? Maybe if you stopped enabling him, and started encouraging him to get help for his drinking, you wouldn’t be fighting any battles at all.

Little Bitch

When your ex (who treated you horribly), spends four months telling you how much he hates you, how much he doesn’t want you, and how horrible out you are, then whines and complains and cries when he finds out you are dating someone else. (And he still visits your blog several times a day)😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

EDIT: since the comment from his ex-wife winter, which can be found by clicking on Comments, I have decided to upload the pictures of the bruises my ex gave me on the night he also grabbed my cell phone out of my hands, threw it across the room where it hit the wall and broke. And I challenge anyone on this forum to defend any man who does that and leaves bruises on a woman.

The Perfect Easter

In a time of confusion, social distancing, isolation, and quarantine, can one possibly have a perfect holiday? Yes oh, absolutely.

First, all my friends and loved ones are healthy, and that is a tremendous blessing in itself any day, especially a holiday. So as soon as I woke up on this wonderful Easter morning I was incredibly thankful for that. Waking up with a thankful heart is the first thing, the first step in the recipe of having a great day whether it’s a holiday or a Tuesday.

The holiday weekend started Saturday afternoon, with a wonderful nap in a big bear of a man’s arms wrapped around me keeping me safe and secure. After that it was a few errands and a run to the grocery store and pizza at home with movies and conversation and laughter and playfulness. There were smiles, and winks, and good food, and sitting outside enjoying the beautiful weather, and eventually coming in to listen to the sound of the rain against the window. Then it was a great night sleep in a comfortable bed, with warm blankets and strong arms.

Morning came, with that thankful hearts and church services online, and a delicious homemade Brunch, and more laughter, and conversation, and smiles, and everything wonderful. It was shopping for and making a child’s Easter basket, and sharing candy and Easter treats. It was praying and observing what this holiday truly means with someone who understands it. It was news, and music, and drum solos and great guitars, and just spending time.

And what there wasn’t was just as wonderful as what there was. Because there were no fights, there was no suspicion, there was no distrust, there was no ugliness, there was no bitterness, there was no arguing, there were no snide comments, there were no backhanded compliments, there were no Jabs, there were no dirty looks, there was no yelling, there is no destruction of personal property, there was no fear, there was nothing negative at all.

That is the most beautiful thing and the most wonderful thing about getting rid of negative people. When you leave a void like that in your life, something must come to fill it. And when you take out all the negative, then you have the space and the time and the energy for everything good and positive and beautiful and wonderful to come in and fill that void. And what a perfect time to celebrate everything wonderful – my favorite holiday of the year. It is the holiday where Jesus died for our sins, it is the holiday that truly shows his grace and unconditional love for us. It is his unending forgiveness of our imperfect Humanity that makes this the holiest of holidays.

And the immense amount of positive things that have happened in the last 48 hours have made this the absolute most perfect Easter.

Life is short. Spend it with those who make you happy and to enjoy just being with you.

Shallow

Shallow is defined as not having depth, that basically there is nothing past the surface. As we go through life we meet people like this. Most people do have depth and many different facets to them personalities. But then there are others that are just shallow and materialistic all they care about is the money or the big house or the new truck, and the designer clothes, and their image. They Don’t Really Care beyond that. It is my experience that when we entangle with people who are shallow like that, disaster often follows.

In life we also see many people who check certain career and financial goals off their list. Someone who wants to be an executive or CFO for example, they may accomplish these wonderful things but then feel hollow and empty once they do. And I experienced that’s because their existence has only been shallow. Meaning they concentrated on The Superficial and not anything deeper.

Indeed I have known and dated men who have huge houses, and a Mercedes and a new truck sitting in their driveway, lots of toys and musical instruments , a house in the right neighborhood , and everything looking perfect on the outside, when their lives are complete disaster underneath all that facade. What does that mean? It means that they paid attention to everything on the surface but neglected everything with any kind of depth beyond their image.

Indeed I would rather have a smaller home, and a more modest income can only focus on the surface, or be with someone who is so shallow. There is more to life than the big house and the new cars and the toys and the image. And that’s why so many people have substance abuse issues. They have yet to conquer anything below the surface, and those demons they hide from have a way of rising.

The bottom line is, until those people deal with what is below the surface, It Is What Lies Beneath that will destroy them and keep them up at night, deep where the darkness is from which they cannot hide.

And that is why I will never be impressed or swayed by the materials shallow things. That is why I will never look at a large home, or a new car, are all the toys, and feel that that is enough. Because unless there’s something underneath, unless there is more depth to the personality, more depth to the heart, and more depth to the soul none of that means anything. And no matter how how many toys do you accumulate, your life will still feel like an empty shell.

Life is short. Far too short to make your priorities so shallow. Just like the song ask, tell me something, are you trying to fill the void? If you are then maybe it’s time to stop being so shallow.

Little Reminders

 

We all have those little reminders in life. Those moments were we are reminded of mistakes that we’ve made and to appreciate how far we’ve come since those mistakes. This entire week has been an example of all of those Little moments, culminating tonight into one ridiculous example of a temper tantrum.

All this week, and tonight especially I have been reminded by Little moments of why a crazy ex is indeed an ex. And in that process I have come to appreciate even more the man I am dating now.

When someone is miserable, spiteful, vindictive, and an alcoholic, they lash out at others and they throw tamper Tantrums. This is the main reason why my ex and I parted ways. Long fights of him screaming and cussing, followed by apologies and invitations to have what he called Bear-Goat conversations which he was too drunk to remember later.

He would always come back begging me to please give him another chance after he behaved horribly. And for a while I did. Until I just simply grew tired of his his verbal, mental, emotional, and finally physical abuse and eventually destruction of personal property.

There is a saying that you don’t realize how bad someone has mistreated you until someone else comes along and treats you better. And indeed that is the case. Now I no longer have to worry about being yelled at or accused of strange things, or have in my personal property destroyed. I no longer have to fear what might be done in moments of anger and rage.

And when the crazy ex found out, he threw a Monumental temper tantrum. But the only thing he actually succeeded in doing was reminding me why I’m so thankful he’s the ex and why I’m abundantly thankful for my current.

And then those Little moments I realize how far I have come and how much I have grown since leaving my ex. I have my confidence back, I have a new zest and love for life, and I am happier now than I have been in many years. I have people around me, friends and family, who absolutely love and cherish me.

Another reason to get crazy or negative people out of your life it’s because they thrive on unrest and un-peace. They Thrive and creating chaos that sucks all the happiness and energy out of your life. Because they themselves are so miserable themselves that the only way they know how to survive is to try to make others as miserable as they are. And it usually works if you stay around them long enough.

When you step away from these horribl

negative emotional vampires, you see the sunlight again and suddenly you have energy. You will find yourself smiling and maybe even singing around the house. It is all because these vampires are not sucking the energy out of your life. And when the negative is removed, it makes room for positive things to come in. When you are no longer giving your energy to destructive relationships, healthy people and healthy relationships suddenly start appearing in your life and your path. Opportunities that you would have missed otherwise will find you, because your energy has shifted.

Life is short. Pay attention to all those Little moments when you are made to realize why crazy, negative, or abusive people are not in your life anymore. And when that ex gets vindictive when they find out that you moved on with someone better, walk away smiling with your head held high. Because that ex just needs to move on and realize there’s nothing left and if they wanted you in their life, they should have treated you better the first time.

A Little poem about being a Little wasted

Little Wasted opportunities
Is all I see ahead
Wasted chances and dances
Is what you delivered instead

Crying and promising
All those pretty fake words
Wasted shots, all for naught
Yet all is well in all my worlds

An optimistic heart
Is a begger’s dream
All for fun and games he smiles
And he never felt ashamed

Opportinity chances and shots
Wasted all the same
A financial salesman lied
But he’ll say that she’s to blame

Oh yes, it was all wasted
For the small temporary high
Of all his anger and control
Now her absence leaves a hole

Little Wasted opportunities
Now will haunt him late at night
Ringing in his ears, his words
Of their very last bad fight.

Little wasted words and heartbeats
She left the the man untrue
Because you took her for granted
You’re shocked that she’d leave you

All those Little wasted moments
And yet you’ll never learn
That a woman will never stay
Where her heart gets burned