And a Merry Christmas to All

It is Christmas Eve, and I have to think back on the past year as I get ready to see my family.  It has been a long hard year, one that has seen unprecedented struggles within my family and friends.  I am so very blessed to have another Christmas with my wonderful father, and for that I am very thankful. But this year has also seen the struggle to purchase the House of Mold, discovering the mold and now the process of getting the house mold free and dealing with the legalities of being a victim of mortgage fraud.

And I am so very thankful to have my little house now, comfy, cozy, and warm. It is much smaller than what I am used to, but it is mold free, safe, and a great place to start over.

And with this year coming to a close, that it what the new year represents; starting over. And as my friends post the pictures of their year in that cute little book, I have no desire to post mine.  I remember this year well and have no desire to revisit in pictures. I am just happy I lived through it all!

But then there have been the wonderful moments too. Like purchasing my own home, finding out it really wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.  Swimming my in pool and watching fireflies dance in the evening sky in the back yard.  Taking another chance and believing in someone.  No matter how many times I get hurt, I just cannot believe that taking a chance and opening your heart to someone new is a bad thing.  Maybe it is the hopeless, eternally optimistic person in me that believes that eventually – if nothing else than by the sacred geometry of chance, it will work out.

I have met wonderful new friends that have shown me so much love and support, even when they did not know me that well. They unknowing renewed my faith in humanity with their compassion, empathy, support, and kindness to someone they barely knew, and was not in a position to repay them. It was a beautiful and humbling experience.

And so I welcome this holiday season as the last part of the year.  And it will end well, I have decided, and hopefully the Grace of God will see that it is so.

To end this year with smiles and laughter, the quiet moments of love and family and thoughtful conversations that make memories that last a lifetime.  Preparing for the next year of my life, as I close the chapter on another.  For this year has been tumultuous and long. But that is no reason not to keep my chin up and stay always hopeful for the future.

 

Of This and Thats

It is the winter season, the holiday season, the shopping season, the everything season it seems. And as life hurries by this time of year, it seems that my writing has slowed down a bit.  Indeed it can be hard to find the time to write about thoughts and life and love and the spaces in between, when you are right in the middle of it.

And so the struggle for balance continues. And I breath, and I let go.

To be flexible, you must first have stability. A solid foundation on which to build. A place where you can move, and twist and bend as you need when life requires you to be flexible.

And as I chase stability through the empty halls of what once was to be, and in the echoes of what is coming around the bend, I yearn to be there already. I repeat the word over and over in my mind, like a mantra, and I breath. And I stretch, reaching for my goals, driving ever more, ever deeper into the life that I want to claim as mine. And I breath, and as I let the thoughts and worries drift away. The house, the mold, the attorneys, the company, the job, the career, the family…

I have started working out again. Slowly, building my strength up to where it used to be.  Slowly, building up resistance and tension, muscle, control and tone. Stability requires strength. And I want to push my body as much as I push and exercise the mind.

And as I unpack in my new home, as I begin to settle into what will be my life, I strive in all that I do, for strength and stability; to be flexible when life throws a curve ball.

And there is a sense of satisfaction and optimism. This year is coming to a close, the new one is full of all my dreams and possibilities. It is full of all the thises and thats for which I strive. And I know, in that moment, that anything is possible, if I hold on and believe. Endurance, strength, stability, flexibility are what my heart pumps with each beat, inside each cell and fiber of me.

The Ready

It is almost a magic thing when you feel the seasons change. It could be something as small as just a sigh chill in the air, but you feel, you know, the season has shifted and you are ready. And in this moment, of Fall changing to winter, I am ready.

Ready for what is next, to find my new place, live, unpack, make a home, FEEL at home. I am ready for great boots and opaque tights, cool mornings and warm coffee. I am ready for fires and fire places, looking for firewood and hiring the cozy crackle, reading by the warm fire.

I am to ready  flirt, to smile, to laugh. Ready to be kissed, have long conversations and see what comes next. To feel the rush of wonder and hope.

Ready for the bruises to be healed, for faith to be returned, to finally exhale as those baby steps bring me closer, with every beat of a heart. I am ready to shed this skin, jaded as it is, and be new.

I am ready to learn, grow, experience unfamiliar things in unfamiliar places. Ready to see the sunrise for the dawn of a new day. Ready to discover who I am under all this weight that has been carried. Ready to let go and be free of extraneous noise and unfocused light.

Ready to push my body, farther than it wants to go, work it harder than it is willing to give. To go deeper, work harder, be braver, than I have. To wake up with all that is dear, close to me with no distance.

I am ready to pray and have faith. To truly do andbe the best I can. To do all that I can, with faith and singleness of heart. I am ready to be love, wholey, and give myself to the delight of discovering life, and all it’s entrappings. Ready to stay up late reading, curled up on the couch, not wanting to to leave the story. Ready to write pages upon pages of all that is in the story of me.

Ready to have Grace. That’s the hard one. Ready to keep with the 4 agreements, not taking it personally, knowing the reaction is more about them.

And I am ready to live.

Fireflies Dance

In adulthood, there are very few things that are still magic, that still capture our imagination and remind us of childhood and the time when you could still fly to the moon on your bike.  One of those things for me are fireflies. Since I was a child, these magic little bugs seemed to come from the mythic places of legends; where dragons, fairies and mermaids lived. They were left over from king Author’s gardens, somewhere between Narnia and Neverland, and everywhere magic and mystery lived.

And yet here they were, these fireflies, in the yard flashing their magic beauty.  Yes I was fascinated by them as a child.

I remember the first time I really saw them. I was at my grandmother’s house and maybe about six or seven. And they were everywhere, hundreds of them.  My grandmother asked if I wanted to capture them in a jar, but I decided not to after find thing out that they would die if kept in the jar. I wanted them free, out in the fresh air.

When I lived in Ohio many years ago, I would see them in the woods next to the apartment complex  where I lived. My then boyfriend and I would sit on the fence, watching them dance in the evening air, like little diamonds flashing on the horizon when it finally got dark.

And just a few nights ago. I saw a tiny flash out of the corner of my eye. My heart skipped a beat – it is the right time of the year…I stopped what I was doing and ran to the back yard window. And there they were, dancing and sparkling in the night sky. A little army of fireflies, my little army of magic. And I had to stand and watch them, as they performed their nightly ritual, with a grin on my face from ear to ear.

It’s truly the little things in life. And you must always take the time to stop and notice, listen and see. For the little things are what makes life worth it, what makes the bad bearable and the good even better.

And now every night, I take the time to notice these little miracles, that seem to dance just for me, putting on  a private show in my back yard.  And just for a few moments, I am taken away from all the troubles and thoughts. And I just smile. If these little bugs can light up the night sky, certainly I can raise above and shine bright as well.

 

Thank You Vegas

We all have those times were we feel as if we are climbing out of a big dark pit. And we all have that moment where we realize we can finally feel the sun on our faces and have managed to climb out. This recently happened to me, when I took a trip to a place called Las Vegas.

While I can’t really say that I came back rested (it was Vegas after all), but there was much more peace when the plane landed, than when it took off. Sometimes, just having the chance to step away, gain some distance and perspective is the key. Sometimes, just being able to relax and not be surrounded and submerged in all that was is enough to wake us up.

For me it was a combination of all of that, and the company I was with. First, it’s hard not to have a great time in Vegas, it’s just a fun place to be. My friend and I have traveled together before, and we always have a good time together. Even though we had not seen each other in a few years, we seemed to fall into our easy rhythm within a few minutes. There is something very comfortable with him, and he is one of the few people I trust. I feel safe. Maybe it’s his gentle, unassuming way of things.

After the past few months, it was wonderful to just be. To laugh, explore, gamble a bit (am am terrible at gambling, unless it’s with fake money), drink a bit, enjoy some food and people watch. There was a show Cirque De Solie (I know that it’s misspelled and I’ll care after the next cup of coffee), front row seats. You really get to see great detail when sitting that close, and as a stage and theater junkie, I loved it.

Hoover Dam was next and that was fascinating. When you see the enormity of it, of what they did and how they did it, without any of the modern technology, the risks they took and how well done it was, you feel really proud. I felt proud of your country, of the men who worked on it, and the ingenuity and vision it took to make it happen. Wow. And it was just cool. We walked across it, on a beautiful day with clear blue skies. I felt free, for the first time in a long time. If those men could do all of that, then my life can be just as magnificent.

Then there was downtown Vegas, which is different from the Strip. It feels more like a fair than anything else, with the scent of food from the street vendors, people walking around in costume (You take their pictures for tips, lots of people, loud 80’s rock music and a laser light show on the outdoor ceiling. I love the Golden Nugget Casino and the buffet there is quite yummy.

Upon return I felt lighter, albeit tired, but much happier. I just needed a little trip to bring me back to life, so to speak. To remind me that life is to be enjoyed. The past year is over, all those struggles are done, my tasks are complete. Now I move forward building my life, my own Hoover Dam.

Work hard, play harder, love completely, and laugh often. So thank you to my friend, for inviting out to play, thank you Vegas for being such a gracious host and playground, and thank you life.

Getting th Groove

Getting into the groove

I remember helping my Mom in the garden a few years ago. We were sitting, taking each one of the little bean plants she planted, and slowly winding them up on a string, so that they would grow up on the string and be easier to pick. We started in the morning, as we drank coffee, each of us working in peaceful silence next to each other, in complete comfort.

After s o many plants, you actually get a rhythm going. And gently, without breaking the tender baby vines, you wind them up and move on to the next. All day we did this, breaking only for more coffee. And it that gentle morning, I was deep in thought. And it occurred to me that life is very much like winding those little bean sprouts up the string. There is a process for everything, and it takes time to naturally unfold.

This past week is the first I really feel like I have my rhythm and groove back. I am taking care of myself, getting rest, unpacking, eating healthy(ish). As soon as it’s warm and not raining, I’ll take a good run/walk in the hills of the neighborhood. I have been taking the time to enjoy and relish in those little perfect moments, taking time to cry when the emotion hits me, and being honest enough to say I am a bit vulnerable right now, so handle with care. It feels good to admit that, it’s actually very freeing to not have to be tough all the time, to allow myself to be “soft.”

And surprisingly, at least to me, it is received well. There are hugs, holding hands, kind thoughts and words, well wishes, and sincere smiles.

And the result, is more laughter, more smile, more feeling alive than I have in about a year. To really allow myself to just be, whatever it is I am at that moment, is wonderful.And in doing so, I let go, with each heartbeat, all that I have carried. Yes, I am getting my balance, my rhythm, my life and spirit back. Yes, the spring in my step has returned. It is spring, and just like those little bean sprouts, it is time to grow, to bloom and to be magnificent. I am coming alive again.   I am returning to my life, returning to enjoy all accomplishments my hard work has brought to fruition. I have come back to have what is mine.

All I l have to do is trust, believe and follow the natural process.

And that is how this girl gets her groove back. I am a new morning.

Feel It

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’ – Erma Bombeck

There is a theory about life that I have had for many years. I think that we go about life rather backwards: We go after the job, the money, the house, the car, the partner that looks good on paper, the clothes, the everything of how we want our life to look. We make a list of accomplishments that we want to do and check off our little to do list. We want to run a marathon, or get that promotion, or buy that bug screen TV…and there is nothing wrong with those things. There is nothing wrong with having goals and accomplishing them. We all need something to work for, do and accomplish.

But how we come to what is on that to do list…well, that is a but backwards. Then when we start crossing things off that list, we are surprised if we do not feel different. So how do you make a list that really matters? How do you build a life that really matters and will lead to happiness? Simple. Justask yourself one question: How do you want your life to feel?

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. – Harvey Fierstein

You may wonder what that has to do with anything. The short answer is everything. If you want a happy, fulfilled, useful life, then you go after what makes you feel happy, useful and fulfilled. Don’t go after a particular job title – unless that job is what makes you happy. How many people do you know who are trapped in a job or career that they hate? You may even be one of them. How many people do you know who love their job and can’t wait to get to work in the morning? Far fewer people, I bet. That’s a shame.

So decide what will make you feel the life you want, and go after those things. Don’t worry about what other people might think. They don’t hav eto live your life, you do.  When I decided to go after the life I wanted to feel, there was an amazing shift and change in my life. I knew that being a writer would make me feel what I wanted to feel. Suddenly things got really clear. No, it wasn’t easy. But don’t let the myth that if it’s supposed to be, then it will be easy. That’s not always the case. Things that are worth working for, are often hard. The hard it what makes it great. And if you really want it, then make a commitment to yourself that you will accomplish it and that failure is not an option.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. – George Bernard Shaw

Since deciding how I wanted my life to feel, I have never looked back. Even when I made a mistake, which I have made many, I just backed up, dusted off and got back up. If people laughed at me, and they have, I ignored them. Life is too short to worry about what others think of you.

So go after how you want your life to feel, and feel it, every bit of it. Soak it in. And don’t be afraid to walk away from that which does not fit. Distance yourself from people, places and things that do not follow how you want your life to be. This takes courage, and that is where it might get a little difficult. But keep in mind that removing what does not work or serve you makes you for that which will.  Keep those who support and encourage you close and never take them for granted.

Live life with passion, love, faith and feeling. What are you waiting for?

Packing With Friends

Packing and moving can be hard, but with the right people, it can be a lot of fun. While I still have several weeks before moving, Ialso have a lot of stuff. And getting everything packed, starting early, is key to a seamless move. And I have no shortage of friends at my side, helping make the packing more fun and entertaining than should be allowed.

There has been laughter, food, drink, movies, dancing, trying on clothes, taking bags to Goodwill. Mostly though, there has been love. These are my peeps, my besties, the ones I call when I need back-up…and the ones who call me to check in, make sure I am OK, see if I need anything. Because that’s what friends do – they check in on each other. These are the kind of friends that love you enough to not let you go out of the house in a dress that makes you look fat, that tell you to hand over your phone so you don’t text him again, the ones who call you out and give you a kick in the pants if you need it.

These are the friends who are there when I cry, when I am lonely…these were the people who call me when dad is sick with chemo, to see how he is doing, and ask if I need anything – even if it’s just to sit with them in quiet. These are the friends who never attack me, or throw things in my face. The friends who love you at your worst, and celebrate with you at your best. These are the friends who anyone would be truly blessed to have. And I have so many.

And packing has been a blast. Going down memory lane, telling stories, filling in the blanks, making plans for the future. And my heart is full.

Who’s Out

To all the bitchy, difficult, irresponsible girls who dare to set and enforce boundaries:

Setting healthy boundaries is one of the main ingredients in having and maintaining a balanced emotionally healthy life. No matter who we are, there are lines that people around us cannot cross. Wishes that others must respect. There are times we must say no. There are people that, no matter how much we love them, we must love ourselves more, and push back if what they are doing causes us un-Peace.

Setting and maintaining those boundaries is imperative. We must take care of ourselves emotionally…because of we don’t who else will? But setting and enforcing those boundaries will also get you something else ladies – you will be called bitchy, difficult, angry and even irresponsible.

I have long said that what brings you Peace, will also bring you happiness – True happiness – the kind that you feel from your soul to your bones to the tips of your teeth kind of happiness. This is because there can be no true happiness if there is constant turmoil and drama. There can be no true happiness without Peace. And even those who say they love us very much can make you very unhappy and your life un-Peaceful.

In this year of 2014, the 411st year of my life, I have passionately decided that I will only have those who bring me Peace and harmony in my life. Those who cause drama, unrest and turmoil…will simply be out. If someone causes me un-peace, that doesn’t make them a bad person, it just means that they are not a good person to have around me.

Since I have become stern in my enforcement of healthy boundaries in my life, I have been accused of many things. And to all those with the accusations I proudly say – YES I AM…now get the Hell out. Why? Because if being healthy makes a woman an angry, difficult bitch…then sign me up and call me the president of the club.

When you enforce what is healthy for you and your life, when you stick to your guns and what brings you peace, and others criticize you for it – that is emotional bullying. And no one likes a bully. When I say that I want Peace, and some else’s need for whatever is more important than my Peace…that person is no longer healthy for me to have in my life. OK, No harm, no foul…until the bullying starts.

What is emotional bullying? Emotionally bullying is when you enforce what is good and healthy in your life, and the other person tries to put the blame on you, tries to make you feel guilty or refuses to take responsibility for their part, and instead tries to deflect on you. When they make you miserable for your decision to live a healthy life and enforcing healthy boundaries, out them. After all, if they didn’t want to be put out, then they should have respected your boundaries in the first place. Sound a little strong? Think of the consequences if you listen to them and let them convince you that you are wrong.

So ladies, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself emotionally. And don’t worry about those things that they say. You are not being selfish, angry or even difficult – you are being proactive and healthy for your own life. You are being the opposite of co-dependent. It is one your most basic human rights, to be allowed to be happy and have a Peaceful life. Let those bullies go somewhere else and pick on someone their own size…Find people who respect who you are and the limits you set – whether it’s for work, for relationships, for friendships for anything.

Taking Care of the Birthday Girl

It‘s the start of a new year, and it’s my birthday month. Both reasons to celebrate. Looking back on the past year though, a pattern seems to emerge. Last year was all about taking care of everyone – Lots of family, friends, even animals. The only problem was that no one was taking care of me., including myself. And that is not good. When you do not take care of yourself, then you get run down and tired. You truly do not have much left to offer at the end of the day because you are so exhausted.

Last year was such a difficult year, because I carried the weight of many people. I carried their troubles, their secrets, their debt, their lives…and it was exhausting. Now that I am free of such things, now that everyone is standing on their own, it is time for me to focus in on…me.

And now, at the start of this New Year, this new age, it is time to make some changes. So this year, 2014, age 41, shall be about me. And not in the selfish don’t care about anyone else but me way, but the, I am going to take care of myself way. What does this mean exactly?

It means I take a look at what I want and what I want my life to be. What kinds of people and things do I want in it? How do I want it to feel? What do I want to wake up to every morning, and how do I want to go to sleep every night. What do I want my life to be filled with in my waking hours?

It means that I will learn to say no, when saying yes is to my own detriment (except when it comes to chocolate). It means that I will let go of those who bring stress and unnecessary drama in my life. I will get enough sleep and exercise, something which has not happened since the beginning of the year. I will eat well and healthy. And I will make sure that I have enough emotionally, physically and mentally to give only to those who deserve it. But all that requires me to take care of myself first.

I have learned a huge lesson this past year. I got so caught up in trying to help everyone, trying to make sure that everyone else was OK, and trying to please everyone else, that I forgot to please and take care of myself. The result is that by the end of the year, I was tired and frazzled. No more people pleasing.

This is my time, this is my year. We write the story of our lives. We determine how the story goes.  So there will be much laughter, love, freedom, work, writing, passion, and everything in my year. And I’ll do it my way.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. “- Shakespeare

When you are true to yourself, you take care of yourself.

No Regrets

I have no regrets, looking back on the landscape if this year, in this life. I have no regrets on what I have done and what has been left undone.

There are no words that haunt me, spoken or kept still. No actions that trouble my soul, no undone thrill.

There are no tears that have been dried or kept at bay, or escaping down my cheek from rims of wide weary eyes, that partake in regret.

No longing set free, no feelings left unturned. There is nothing to look back upon, and wish another way for me.

And as I look back, standing at the edge of this year, this long, hard, undone, overdone year, there is nothing that makes me want a other walk down the path or choose another road than the one I have traveled.

There has been compassion and contention, love, discord, pain and happiness. More joy than one can hold, more sorrow than one should endure. There have been sacrifices and giving of self, hiding, finding, sipping and devouring…it all.

I am all of it, every bit. The complete all of it, the unfinished of it, the breadth and depth of it. I am glad for it all, the good bad and the big and small.

I have no regrets waking up with you, all of you and your deals, wet from us and warm with skin on mine. No regrets of swimming, riding with my bare feet on the dash or taking a shower in the rain. No regrets sitting, listening to drops on the tin roof, in your little place. No regrets of you at all.

No regrets for fighting for family and what is right. None for being brave, saying what is felt and what should have been said long ago. No regrets for the love and loss of the year as it has passed.No regrets for the mistakes and lessons learned.

There has been hard work, harder play and many things let go this year. I carried the map of my life with every. Single. Heartbeat. And you were there too. Yes you.

Books have been read, put down and some left unfinished. Thoughts written down and lost or erased from time. And still, no regrets. Nooks and crannies have been explored, many prayers said and blessing given. Dreams have come to fruition, nightmares have been banished beneath the cloak of in in which they came.

I have carried this heart, heavy with sorrow and joy, across this country, in cars, in airplanes, in boats, up on a horse in hiking trails, in the woods, in the city, to work, to run, in water, in the anonymity of the night, and the harsh light of day.

This year, this 12 months, I have been the judge and jury, been judged and done the judging, been right, wrong, black, white and gray. I have laid it all out and picked up the deck.

And at the end of this year, this moment in my life, there is Peace. There is happiness. Mostly because, all because, you have been in my heart.

A Post of Goals

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.- Denis Waitley

It is a tradition every year that started with a dear friend several years ago. It is a process. First, I must think about what I want in the next year – what my personal and professional goals will be moving forward. Things wanting to be done or accomplished. Then I get several magazines, a board, stickers and pretty things. Everything I want in the upcoming year, is put on the “Goal Board.”

For several days my house is nothing but piles of magazine cuttings – pictures, quotes and other miscellaneous things. Stacks of magazine, articles scissors, stickers, glue and letters litter the floor. I move the pieces around, trying to find the best place for them on the board. And I always get glue in my hair…for several days. And as soon as I get everything arranged just the way I want them – the cats jump on everything before I have a chance to glue it all down.

So why bother with is at all? Studies have shown that there are many benefits to setting goals. Here are just a few of them:

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. – Henry David Thoreau

Clear focus and vision: When you really think about what you want for the next year (or week, or month or whatever), you get very clear on what you want – and what you don’t. Too often you can have many things on your mind and goals can help you take all of those ideas, apply perspective and priority, then galvanize you into commitment and action.

More motivation and greater enthusiasm: Passion replaces complacency, because we have something to work toward. We are not just drifting; we are on a path and know where we are headed. Goals help us focus on who we are becoming, not just settle for who and what we are today. When we set goals for ourselves, challenge ourselves to do more and be better each time, we grow as people. Setting goals can help to release our creative energies so we can focus on how to achieve them. You start to look for ways to make it happen. We take chances, maybe even a risk or two, because we are motivated.

What keeps me going is goals. – Muhammad Ali

Sense of control: There are so many things that cannot be controlled in life, that it can sometimes get a bit overwhelming. Having goals allows us have control over our lives, whether professional, personally or both. You are programming your brain, and putting your goals in an order to make sure your they become reality. And, how can you not feel in control of your life when you do this? when you feel in control of your life, your self-esteem is also likely to increase.

If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals. – Lou Holtz

Lowers stress: At first this may seem counter intuitive, but it’s not. Setting goals lowers stress by motivating us to live with more passion and enthusiasm. We are fully engaged in our lives; we stop procrastinating and start looking forward to crossing items off that list. And it feels good when we overcome an obstacle that might stand in our way. It also gives us hope.. of a better life, better job, being a better person… Setting and accomplishing goals makes us happier and more fulfilled; thus, lowering stress.

Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner. – Les Brown

Setting goals is good for you, and it can be fun – especially if we get our friends and family involved. They can help motivate us and celebrate our victories. This year my goals board will include running, doing Pilates, getting serious about photography, traveling more, saving money and playing my piano again. Join me, won’t you?

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals. – Stephen Covey

Freedom

I swam in the ocean and played like a child. I did back flips, hand stands and the back stroke. I let the current of the ocean carry me as I floated on the surface. I swam underwater, like a fish, seeing how long I could hd my breath before coming up to the surface for that first gasp of air when my lungs felt like they are going to burst. There was an excitement, an innocents that coursed through my veins as I felt the water against my skin.

At first the water was almost too cold, but then as my body adjusted tot he temperature, it felt refreshing and I was energized. The entire sea in front of me, with all the mystery it holds. All it’s secrets being whispered to me in the currents.

It had been almost two years since I swam in the ocean. Almost two years since I did back flips and let the water carry me. And it was wonderful.

It makes you appreciate the cool fresh salty air of the sea. And to feel the soft breeze across my damp face was pure heaven. And I saw God, in the sea, int he sky, in the everything of the moment. And I knew He had me in his hands and that all was well in my world.

There were hot Krispy Kreme donuts in bed, melting in my mouth from the first bite to the last. There was laughter, wine and dancing. There was the innocence and playfulness of a child. It was freedom.

Part II:The Dalai Lama’s Advice on Spreading Joy

I had one question for the Dalai Lama. I thought about it for a long time, then asked a friend if mine who has known me for a long time with help. There re so many questions that could be asked, what would just one question be. And he hit the on the The head. As soon as he said it knew that was it: once you find happiness and inner peace, how do you share it to others?

And the question was answered. As u listened to the Dalai Lama speak, he talked about the key to changing the world truly is by looking in the motor…but not in the way that you think. By being happy an at peace, you draw others to you and become on example. You spread happiness and peace to others simply by being happy and at peace yourself.

Such a simple concept, yet it is so complex to grasp and implement in life. But for the first time, past the clichés and self-help books saying take care of yourself first, I got it. It only tool hearing it from one of the biggest spiritual leaders of our generation (why no, I am not hard-headed).

And his truly changed my thinking and actions. I have written extensively about making your life what you want, that you make te rules and write the story. That you should ask yourself how you want it to feel and go after things that make you life feel that way. But sometimes in the daily grind if bein there for others, we forget. And suddenly I remembered.

And I started going after how I wanted my life to feel. I started going after what wild make me, make my life feel the way I want it to feel.

And it feels so good, it feels right and as if t is divinely inspired. Things are falling into place. A better life for my family and me. A better place, better money, opportunities and so much more.

And something else also accounted to me: to be a good least to you must first take care of yourself and your own needs and happiness. Because as I am going after these goals, takin risks and making y dreams reality, I am leading my family by example, showing them it can be done, that good things happen, that then your head and heart are both happy, when you work hard and have faith, go adapter how you want life to feel, you can make it work.

You can make so ting out of nothing. They see me song it, and they can so it too. You can do it if you follow your bliss. What brings you peace, will also make you happy. So do it, go there, even I it’s risky, even if others say you are crazy. Be the leader in your life by taking the initiative to be happy.

And as the leader of the family, if I am happy, I can lea them with love and compassion. More compassion can be held in a happy heart than in an unhappy one. I see their faves, see hope in their eyes, and I know what the Dalai Lama said is true.

New Awakening

This past weekend was one of the best that I have ad in a long time. One of my best friends, who I have missed since she moved away, visited this weekend. One she is one of those friends that no matter how long it has been since we have seen or talked to each other, it’s like no time has passed and we just pick up like it was yesterday. It was so good to see her and we had such fun. And along the way, there was a re-awakening.

We talked, laughed ate and drank. We talked of old times and people we knew, how they were and where they had been. We talked about our lives, our family and our boyfriends. We went to our favorite hangouts, our favorite stores and she laughed because even after several years, I am still clumsy as I ever was. And I told her some incredible news.

But mostly we talked about our plans and dreams for the future. We talk about our plans for our lives, our careers and the lives of our children. We traded ideas and suggestions of how to accomplish what we have set out to do. We talked about our hopes and fears, what we thought had held us back.

And as we talked of all that is to come, we both git so excited, and that is when the re-awakening happened.  A re-awakening of my enthusiasm, my hope, my energy. I have been taking care of my family and it is taken most of my energy. And there are things that I have set aside until it is a better time. That better time is now. And I have much to do.

Surround yourself with positive people who love you, support you  and believe in you. Those who will be your cheerleader and encourage you to reach higher than you thought you could.  And your life will be filled with many awakenings.

 

Girls With Guns, Part V

Everyone has hobbies. One of mine is firearms training.  Aside from being a bad-ass kind of girl who knows how to handle a gun, it is just a lot of fun to do. Shooting truly is an art form as there are so many different techniques, stances, situations and such.

Last night I went out to the range with a good friend and accomplished instructor. We had a great time learning and teaching. I am very competitive and I don’t like not doing well. But it takes a lot of concentration to try different techniques, hold proper form, have speed and accuracy, and finding the balance between the two. Reaction time, how to carry a gun most effectively when not shooting, how to emotionally and mentally prepare yourself for a stressful situation if you ever have to actually use the gun (pray that never happens).

Last night I learned several things: That there is a balance between speed and accuracy, that it takes concentration to get out of bad habits, that I am better in some instances that I thought I would be, but still need work other areas as well. And that I shoot a 40 caliber almost better than my current 9mm.

My instructor also had me aim for the head more than the general center chest area. And I was surprised by how well I did, even from quite a distance away. And the next time I go to the range, I will be shooting an AR15, which will be much fun, total bad ass and Laura Croft-ish. And I may have to buy one of the shooting goes well.

And the best part? They have pink targets!

The Listening Curve

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey

There is an old saying that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. I beg to differ. I am getting older and more set in my ways every year, and yet I learn new things all the time.  My nephew teaches me new things all the time, and even convinces me to try new things  as well. Mostly, he teaches me about math, physics, computers and robotics. Things about functions, real numbers and abstracts…and string theory, Schroedinger’s cat (I still don’t; understand why they couldn’t just put it in a clear box).

The other day as we were driving, he taught me something about classical music, a Vivaldi piece to be exact. And as we drove, he told me about how the peice was written to be a conversation. How the solo was the suggestion, the symphony the argument and then another part was the agreement. And as we drove I listened, for the first time, to music I have been listening to since i was a little girl, with a new ear. And it was almost like hearing it for the first time. All of the sudden the music was alive like it has never been before. I listened to each part, the suggestion, the argument, the response, the agreement.

And I can;t help but think, what if we listened to each other like this, with the same sense of newness? Just how much more would we hear? How many more things would we notice as if it were the first time? We would get the beauty of rediscovering our partners, our family and our friends.

So, you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Meeting His Holiness the Dalai Lama

There are some events in life that ae truly once-in-a-lifetime-opportunities. Events that if you are truly blessed and fortunate, you may get that one opportunity. And there are few things that could make me take a day off work, as I am a workaholic that loves what I do. Meeting His Holiness the Dalai Lama is once of those once-in-a-lifetime chances that I simple cannot pass up.

To put it in simple terms – Holy crap!

He traveled the world, advocating for the welfare of Tibetans, teaching Tibetan Buddhism and talking about the importance of compassion as the source of a happy life.He is speaking in my town soon, and just the chance to hear one of the most incredible spiritual leaders of all time speak, is incredible. To be given the opportunity to meet him is even more fantastic. I cannot wait to hear what he has to say, the message he will bring and how I may be a sponge and soak up every possible moment. The learn from his speech, to be influenced, to truly be open to the spiritual message that I can receive, is that for which I pray.

I am very humbled by my opportunity to learn, to grow, to see and be open. Thankful for the chance and so excited!

HAve Fun to Be Happy

There is a saying that all work and no play makes for a dull life. That certainly could not be said of life recently.  Summer has wrapped up, fall is in the air and fun is everywhere. The last few months have seen so many wonderful adventures, first tries, new experiences, new friends, lots of laughter, so many memories and lots of smiles.

This past weekend almost a blur of activity with wonderful friends. There was a bike ride on a friends Harley, hot tubbing, dancing, singing, brunching, and topped off with a night of incredible music filled with so much soul it brought one of my friends and I to tears. I haven’t danced like that in a few years. And some of the best places to dance are redneck bars – where many on the dance floor have already taken off their shoes. Club dancing is fun – if you have on a super hot fabulous outfit, if you want to see and be seen, and if you want to meet models…but for just plain, fun, don’t care how I look, just want to have fun dancing, you need a red neck bar. Trust me on this.

Riding on the back of a bike is wonderful. To be that free, to have the wind rushing past you, is amazing and the best way to travel. And with someone trusted it is pure fun. And to do something just for the pure fun of it is something we forget to do as adults. We have responsiblities and haven;t the time for such nonsense. What. Ev. Ah. Always be curious.

Then there was a the roller derby – a friend had extra tickets. Having never been to a roller derby, and being the adventurous type that is always up for trying new tings, I said yes before i could lace up the roller skates.  If you never been to one and ever get the chance to go, do it. It is so much fun. It’s like going to a hockey game. Except it’s on skates. And it’s girls. My nephew loved it and thought it was the best thing since the National Cheer-leading Competition cam to Atlanta. Sitting with friends, drinking cheap beer while in a packed stadium, watching girls on roller skates zip around the track and push each other around was a total blast.

Next was going to a dirt track and watching all the races – formula cars, mustangs, more kinds of cars and races than I can remember.  Don’t go for the beer – they don’t serve it, but it’s a great family atmosphere with lots of cars that go fast and make a lot of noise. Perfect for a father/son outing. Or just a couple sisters hanging out with a friend. And I almost  managed to NOT smile anything. Almost.

In the past month I have also worked quite a bit in a friends shop. I remember my dad having a hue shop and doing a lot of woodwork. As he would work, I would hear the loud sound of the saw, smell the saw dust then hear the hammer or sander. So it was so much fun to go into my friends shop and watch as he worked with the wood and metal, instructing me what to do and how to do it. I helped build shelves.  Yes, I had done this before, but not in many years. And I stained the shelves. And then they were put up in his house, where they will be used and loved for many years. It was a great feeling to have made something out of nothing. To have it be tangible, useful and pretty.

And I have gone swimming in a river, in the woods, where only the locals go. Again, something I have grown up doing, but not for a long time. And I have ridden in a truck, with the windows down and my feet either on the dash, or out of the window, in true, southern style. I have driven miles and miles, gone hiking, listened to the rain on a tin roof, felt sound and been exhausted from pure joy of life.

Yes, I have worked very hard during this time, but in the spirit of keeping things balanced I have done something new. I have played just as hard as well. I have taken pause and time to take care of the playful in me. I have indulged my curiosity, sung at the top of my lungs, listened to the crickets and watched the magic of the fireflies.

And I have let my emotions go as well. I have cried when I felt like it instead of holding back. And even when it was scary, I was vulnerable, and let others comfort me in my tears. I have known the pain of too much tenderness. And in morning, when the sun rose, there was always a new chance.

So play as hard as you work. Take as many chances as you can, as many new experiences as you can stand and drink them up like a sponge. Because you will never get that day, that chance again. And you never know just what treasure you may find.

live authentically., live honestly. Live passionately.

Aaaand, Im Back!

Ada Lamar has been dark for over 6 months as I took a break from this blog. The time away has been wonderful and filled with much magic. Life is filled with long walks, long talks, lots of family, hope, dreams, love, hand holding and wine. There has been much writing, a career I love, meeting great people, making stronger bonds with old friends, midnight gardening by the moonlight, travel, sunburns, house cleaning and warm sheets. Along the way there has been good news, bad news, tears and laughter. Lots of desserts, plans, saying goodbye and many hello’s. Prayers, fights, triumphs, motorcycle rides, roller derbies, boxing, running, playing and working. Sweat equity, painting, organizing, consolidating, planning, building staining hammering, learning and eating.

And every step pf the way, every heartbeat along the road, for everything I have carried and all that I have let go, I am happy and life is good.

And I look forward to writing about many more adventures to come!

The Winding Road to Here

It is so very interesting how people get from there to here, here being where ever they are now. And I wonder if life ever happens exactly as we think it will. All the roads we take, the paths to which they lead, and the adventures we take that we not on our planned road map.

 For instance, I never thought I would be a writer. But it just came so natural that I didn’t even think about it. Funny how something can be so comfortable and natural that it doesn’t even occur to you.  But it means something.

 Even in school, I wrote plays and reports. Friends and classmates would have me look over and edit their assignments. I started that in 3^rd grade. Even the teachers in third grade asked me to help them write a play they were writing specifically for the school. At the time I thought nothing about it. I’ve written in a journal since I was 10.

 In high school got A’s for writing assignments, research papers and short stories. But do not ask me to diagram a sentence. I can’t do it. But I can write. In college I loved English classes and have always been a bookworm as a child and an adult

By the time I was an adult in the working world, every where I went they had me write once they saw I could do it. In addition to my regular job duties, I wrote sales copy, commercial copy, reports, memos, white papers, web copy, SEO copy, press releases, news articles, public service announcements and press releases. If they needed it,, I wrote it. For 20 years.

And then I became a writer, once I figured out that is what I was all along. And now I get paid to live my dream every day.  But I never thought I would be here, but am so happy I am.

And in life, would we want it any other way? People have asked if I ever wished I started as a writer earlier. No, I tell them, because as it turns out I was a writer all along, and my experiences in other industries, doing other things has only enriched my career that I have now. I could not be the writer I am without having had gone down those winding paths to here.

The things we do, adventures we have, the people we meet along the way to where we are going, even when we are not on the path on which we thought we would be…are what make our lives and ourselves, what they are. Those paths we take to here, change us and make our lives all the better.

So pay attention to those paths and to what is so comfortable that it may otherwise go unnoticed. Because those paths lead to the most bliss indeed. I have followed those subtle things, and I am happier than I have ever been. But first you must have the courage and passion to follow them, even if they make no sense, even if others call you crazy. And maybe you have to be a little crazy to take the path of your dreams, no matter what others think or say. Maybe you have to be just a little crazy to find that kind of peace and happiness.

So let the naysayers have all the negativity. You will be too busy being happy to even notice what others are saying anyway.

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My Happy Home

A happy home is what something for which we all strive. To have our home a peaceful, wonderful place full love love, laughter, friends and family. As I looked around tonight, I see that I truly have a happy home.

Today my parents came up because dad has a Dr’s appointment to check on his liver cancer. We hope it is good news. It is always a joy to have them stay with me, as we are a very close family and I love the fact that they feel comfortable, welcome and at home in  my home. And as we talked and caught up, as I cooked a wonderful pork loin with all the fixings for them, as my father took a nap, as we sat down to eat, as my mother and I cleaned the table and kitchen…my home was a very happy home.

We laughed, talked, ate, drank, loved and shared a wonderful meal. It is these times, sitting around the dinner table, eating a meal cooked with love, sharing a glass of wine, talking about life and everything in it, these are the important things in life. These are the memories that carry you for a lifetime. These are the moments to be cherished, always, and this is what makes a happy home.

I talked with a wonderful man this weekend about the most important things in life, what warms the heart on a cold winters day, what gets you through those tough times, what makes you happy and smile from the inside out? It’s the time with family friends and loved ones. And as I look around my happy home, as my father is upstairs sleeping, my mother watching TV and reading, and I, in bed typing, I know, deep down in my bones, how blessed I am.

being this blessed makes me want to work harder at being a better person. I have basics down, but Grace is still something that alludes me from time to time, though I am getting better. But I am not there yet, not where I want to be. So I still struggle with grace, I still strive, I still try. Because you cannot be as blessed as i have been, have as many prayers have answered that have been answered for me, and not try to be a better human being and better at overcoming your faults. I may stumble every now and then, but it will not be from a lack of effort.

And I am so blessed to have this happy home.

I truly do adore my wonderful family. And my parents also serve as an example of the kind of relationship I want. They have been married for 45 years, are the love of each others lives and have stuck through thick and thin with each other. It hasn’t always been easy, they both have some pretty strong faults, but they have always loved each other in spite of those faults. They have taught me, by example, what a healthy, realistic love looks like. And when I get discouraged that true love does not exist…I look no farther then where they sit to have it renewed.

I snapped a picture of my Dad, as he napped. It was such a precious moment; him wrapped up in a blanket, the cats on the couch napping with him, and he sound asleep.

Dad Napping with the kitties.

A lIfe Full of Blessings

We say a lot of prayers in our lifetime. I certainly have said my share of them. Some have been answered, some have not. The definition of Faith is believing oin something that cannot be seen or proved. And when you pray, you have to have faith that what is supposed to be will be. You have to have faith that God will come through for you, even if it is not in the way you planned.

I used to take issue with asking for what I wanted in life to be happy.  My mother and I had a conversation about this and she was surprised to hear me say that I never asked God for what I wanted. She asked what I prayed for when I prayed. I told her that I simply prayed for God’s will to be done.

She smiled and told me that having faith was asking God, praying for what wew wanted, THEN trusting God that however the prayer was answered was his will. But as his children we had the right to ask for the life we wanted, for our heart’s desire, for what would make us happy. For just as a parent want’s their child to come to them when they want or need something, so does God with us.

And so I started praying different prayers. I prayed heartfully and faithfully for what would make me the happiest. The I said that I hoped that these things were God’s will, but if they were not, I would know that whatever His will was, it was best. And truly it has been.

And my prayers have been answered more wholly than I ever could have imagined. I prayed for guidance to find a career that I truly loved. And I have it. I work for a great company doing what I love, what I cannot believe I actually get paid to do every day. I am a writer. Wow.

And I prayed for my family’s health. And both my parents and healthy, which is unbelievable considering the types of cancer they both had. I prayed that t he crazy ex leave me alone and never cross my threshold again. And that prayer has been answered too.

And I prayed for love. And I have more love in my life than I know what to do with. I am showered with more love than I thought possible every day of my life.. It is magnificent. And I prayed for a full life. And this weekend is a prime example of a life that is filled to the brim with wonderfulness.

Family, friends, loved ones, a puppy and a cat, in addition to my two cats, and they other two that I am fostering. Yes, it will be a very full house, representing my abundant life.

But it was not always easy. Looking back at the pasty year, it has been quite a ride. Quite an up and down hill adventure. But that is the thing about life; it’s magic, crazy, wonderful, tragic, amazing, incredible, beautiful, scary, joyful…and so much more.

Yes life is good and I am happy. An no one can take that away or make my life anything less than incredible. I have all that I have asked for and more.

How to Enjoy Life

We all have those weekends, the ones we know will go down in our own personal history books as being wonderful. The weekends that make you so happy to be alive, to have the friends you have, to have the life you have and to be where you are. This weekend has been that for me. This has been one of the best weekends and a great way to continue to celebrate my birthday month (or year).

And this weekend started my thinking about how to really enjoy life. Not just exist, but how to really Live. There are some keys to enjoying life, some things that can be done to really help a life be well lived.

Slow down: Friday night was wonderful and decadent. What did I do? Absolutely nothing. I came home, took a nap and watched my favorite TV show Bones my DVR…in bed. I have never done that. Ever. Just been lazy. Usually I am busy doing, accomplishing, building, writing, reading, researching, cleaning, organizing. I have never just done nothing before, but watch TV on my bed. There was a time when I swore I would never have a TV in my bedroom. Now as a single woman, I love it. I even ate dinner in bed, wrapped up in my warm covers. I would never have had this wonderful night if I had not slowed down and taken the time to enjoy such a lazy evening.

Do Things you Enjoy: Saturday was going down to the Fabulous Fox Theater here in Atlanta. I got up early, got some coffee and sped down to the Box office to buy some tickets for a show later that day. The seats were amazing! Orchestra Pit, beanbag (yes, beanbag) chairs to see the Blue Man Group. If you have never seen this amazing group, it is an experience of music, lights, comedy, audience participation, toilet paper, Captain Crunch, big beach balls, lights and more. I have seen them twice before in Las Vegas, and loved them. So when I found out they were in Atlanta, I knew it would be fun. They did not disappoint. add to that the fact that i went with someone who had never seen them and whose company I enjoy. The lesson: Take time out, no matter how busy you are, to do things that you enjoy, with people you enjoy. Many good times will be had and memories made.

Sunday was lounging and spending time with someone whose company I enjoy as well. Good food, good wine, good laughs. THe lesson: Life it too short to be around people you don;t like or who make you feel bad. Spend time with those you love, who make you laugh, who make you feel good, who make you smile and laugh. Spend time with those who care and who care for you. This makes life so much better and more enjoyable.

Monday was spending time with a great friends and helping them out. We laughed, ate good pizza, laughed a lot and had a good time. I also ended up fostering two kitties. They are a bit Ferrel cats, so I will have to work with them to get them completely tame and able to be adopted out. The lesson: Help others and you will help yourself too.  No matter how bad you think you have it, you can always help someone else, even it it’s just being their for a friend after a bad day. Listen, be a good friend, support them, be excited about there triumphs and there for them in their defeats. Helping others enriches our own lives, because it deepens bonds and returns a sense of humanity.

This weekend, in addition to being a great one, taught me a lot about enjoying life, and really living. Bottom line, life is too short, so enjoy it every chance you get. Certainly there are many other ways to enjoy life, but these tips make a good start. Good luck, and live well.

 

Girl on Fire

There are times in everyone’s life that they are just on top of the world.  THis is how I feel. My goals are being accomplished, I have worked hard and the world is my oyster. I am in a great space – emotionally, romantically, monetarily, with family, friends and life in general.

Two Thousand Thirteen is a year of celebration. I have my feet on the ground and my head in the clouds…and I am on fire. And it’s a good burn.

I am happy and life is good.

What Turning 40 Really Means

We all have birthdays, we all have milestones in our lives. What is fun is when the two intersect. And there are many times in our lives that this happens: turning 13, 16, 18, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50…

Yesterday I experiences my 40^th birthday. It was the best birthday ever and one hellava milestone in life. I am not sure why, but most women dread their 40^th birthday, and just getting older period. I have never understood this. Growing older, to me, is a wonderful thing. And I have always looked forward to my 40^th birthday. Oddly enough, it’s those who are under the age of 40 who seem to fear that number so much.

The women I know who are 40 and above, smiled, told me how wonderful being in my 40’s would be, that I would love it and welcomed me to the club. And it does feel like I have entered into some exclusive club now, a place where only women o f a certain age and maturity understand and are allowed. And not one of those women said that their 40’s were bad, or even unpleasant. They all smiled and said they loved being in their 40’s and it truly was magnificent. And truly it is.

It does make me wonder though, why do younger women fear that number so much? D they feel that it is the loss of youth? That they no longer will be beautiful or desirable?  Is it the young that give 40 a bad name? Because I have to tell you, from this side of the mirror, it’s fantastic.

I spent what is arguably the best birthday of my life in the spa, being pampered. It was wonderful and my skin and hair are glowing today. But even beyond the wonderful spa treatemtns, I have noticed something wonderful: I have noticed and fallen in love with the process of aging.

And why not? You can’t stop it, so you might as well enjoy it. Which is something I have found rather easy. I enjoy seeing those little laugh lines around my eyes and mouth. I enjoy my body and how it looks and feels as I age.  And the older I get, the more like a women I feel. I enjoy the way my stomach looks, even though it is not as flat as it used to be. I enjoy the look of my legs, my arms, everything. There is a new confidence that never existed when I was younger. It is a comfort of not only being comfortable in my own skin, but loving my skin.

My 20’s were so much fun, and I had a good time and worked hard in my 30’s. But I LOVE being 40. And I look at those young girls, who are as I used to be, and I smile. I think “good for them!” They are younger and they should enjoy it, because as much fun as they ae having now, it’s only going to get better.

At 40, you become more relaxed. You’ve been there, done that and really don’t care. You have nothing to prove and know you have earned the right to do what you want, no explanation needed, or given. You can do things in your 40’s that you could never do at any younger age. You have the confidence to carry yourself in whatever situation you may find you want to get into. Things that bothered you before don’t bother you now. And you just shake your head and know that you are too busy to be bothered with the small stuff. And most things are the small stuff.

And so it is with a smile and a wink…and a fabulous day at the spa, that I enter into this new decade.

The Last Day

We all have those times when we look around and realize that it is the last day…of high school, of college, of a particular career, of many things in life. It is the end. And there is a new beginning that awaits.

Today is it. The last day…of my 30’s.  And looking back, it has been a great decade.  And I have learned so much. And I have worked hard and accomplished much. I think that the decade of my 30’s was working hard and establishing myself – my personality, my career and talent, my writing, myself. Now, entering into my 40’s, I have nothing to prove to anyone. Been there, done that. And they can kiss my bum if they don’t like it.

My 30’s truly were magnificent. And I say goodbye to them fondly.  When I think back, I smile. Some of my best times have been in this decade. Some of the worst times too, but all in all the good has far outweighed the bad.

I have been in NYC, had trips of a lifetime. I have dined in some of the finest restaurants in my 30’s. I have enjoyed being flown in private planes, for private weekends in the Bahamas. I have held and stolen kisses. I have worked hard, traveled well, had money and been completely broke (having money is better, btw). I have been naive and been very smart. I have been the outcast and the toast of the town\, been the object of praise and scorn. I have cried tears of joy and of immense sorrow.

And I have done it all my way. I have kept true to myself, my integrity and my code of honor. And I am proud of this. Many cannot say the same. And the mistakes that I have made? Well, they just made me smarter. The people who have hurt me? They just made me better and stronger.

And so here I am. On the eve of my 40^th birthday, and I know the next ten years will be even better than the last. And I truly cannot wait for the adventure, memories that will be made, truths that will be discovered and told, and smiles and laughter that will be had, good times all the wonder of life. Bad times? Oh, I am sure there will be a few mixed in there, but I am not worried.

And aging? Forgetaboutit! Father Time and I made a deal a long time ago, that I would only get better with age. Like a fine wine. And so, those tiny wrinkles? Those little laugh lines? Even gravity…they do not scare me. I am Ada. I am a Burch. I am my Father’s daughter. I am my Mother’s daughter. And I am about to be 40. And so I say to life:

Take my hand and let’s jump right in!

Why You Should Give to Charity

Sometimes in life we have those surreal moments where we meet someone famous we never thought we would ever meet. One of those moments happened to me many years ago in Columbus Ohio. I was working as a loan officer at a bank, and we had our Christmas Banquet at the headquarters in Cincinnati. Jerry Springer was actually on the board of the bank and spoke at the banquet.

Many people may not know that Jerry Springer is actually an attorney and was once the mayor of Cincinnati. He was fired from his job as mayor after paying a hooker with a city check. I guess his life might have inspired his show.

He is also very surprisingly a very charismatic speaker and held every one’s attention during his speech. You could have heard a pin drop. And his speech was one of the best that I have ever heard. He was funny, charming and very poignant. He was often self deprecating, often making fun of himself, his life and has show.  He spoke mainly of giving back and charity.  He talked about how no matter what we do in life, we need to give back in some way. we need to do this because we are lucky enough to have been born in this country of wealth and opportunity.

There is no difference, he said, between a child born in the U. S. and a child born in Ethiopia. One simply is lucky enough to be born with a chance at everything, the other with the mostly likely chance they will live in poverty and sickness, if they survive at all.  He talked about giving back could be in the form of money time or talent. he then talked about the individual benefits that can be given to charities by each one of these ways of giving.

So no matter where you are, what you do, how much or how little you have, always give back. Always be aware of how lucky you are to be where you aer, because so many others have it so much worse. Always remember where you could have been born, and they life you could be living – starving, malnourished, abused, forgotten , sold into slavery and trafficking, or worse. So give to charity, to your community and to those in need. Because after all, there really is no difference between us but a little bit of luck.

 

Who would have thought that such an infamous person could teach a room of wealthy bankers anything. But by the time he was done, there was not a fry eye in the place. And at the end of his Speech, Mr. Springer then presented a check of $100,000 to the charity of the banks choosing in the community. He said he had been lucky enough to have the life he had, where he had fun every day and wanted for nothing. and he too, needed to give back.

 

I have always been taught to give back, but I had always just thought it was the right thing to do, It never occured to be to be so thankful for being born in the U.S. until that day. But he was right, I could have been born a million other places, into a million other lives. And I was blessed enough to be born where I was to who I was. And that is something I will never forget.

 

I am so very happy. I have the life I have always breamed of, a career I love, people I love and who love me, amazinf friends and a healthy family. I have Peace. And I have found the Grace of God. It has not been easy, but it coul dhave been so much worse. I have been so blessed in my life, that I cannot complain about anything. And I am happier that I have ever been in my life.

 

So give to your community, whether it’s time money or talent. There are so many in need and it could have been any one of us by simple luck of the draw.

Finding and Keeping Fulfilled

Fulfillment is defined in the dictionary as Satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character. Many of us strive a whole lifetime to achieve this illusive word. And then when we find it, it is knowing how to balance life in order to keep it.

 I have reached fulfillment in my life. I have developed my abilities, character and standards to the point where I am fulfilled not only in my life, but also within myself. And as I approach my 40^th birthday, I realize I am right where I want to be. There is not a single part of my life in which I am unhappy.  I am fulfilled in my life, my career, my family, my loves and my friendships. And I look around and think “Wow, I did it. I really did it.”

It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been pretty. And I’ve made mistakes along the way. I have been no saint. I have disappointed others and myself, I have mis-stepped, mis-spoken and mis-judged, but I have learned much about myself and others each step of the way. My journey has been intensely personal and not at all typical. But then, when has my life ever been typical? And through it all, I have kept myself self, my honor and my integrity in tact.

And now looking back, I see how I have managed. They key has been the saying:

“To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” – Shakespeare

It is easy to laugh at this simple saying at first, but if you take a deeper look, in the truest sense, then you begin to see the wisdom and simplistic beauty in the quote. “To thine own self be true.” To me, this means being honest with ourselves and our intentions. This is perhaps the hardest part. Think of all the little lies we tell ourselves on a daily basis, how we may rationalize selfish, destructive or dishonest behavior. Now, if we follow our conscience, as God gave it to us, and are truly honest with ourselves, then we will have no trouble in knowing the right and wrong of a situation.

Then the next part:  “And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”  To me, this makes the most simple sense of all. If we are truly honest with ourselves, and true about our intenmtions, then we cannot deceive another.

If we are honest within ourselves, and follow our hearts honestly and in earnest, life will balance and we will find Peace. And where we find peace, we will find happiness. But first it starts from within.

The second part of my equation to finding true fulfillment in my life, has been to get others out who do not live by the creed mentioned above. This may seem cruel at first, but it is not. Think about it, if someone cannot even be honest within themselves, how  can they be honest with you? If a person deceives themselves, they will surely deceive you as well. Count on it. And when confronted on the deception, they will rationalize it and make excuses to you and to themsleves as well. They didn’t lie, they just didn’t mention it. Or say that you are at fault because you are not flexible. Morals and integrity are not flexible, to those who are honest with themselves anyway. Argueing with these people offeres no Peace, and thus should not be entertained. Just just ties and run.

When you get these people out of your life, you also get the instability, chaos and pain they bring into your life out as well. These people suck all the energy and life out of life itself. Because they cannot be honest with themselves, they serve not the greater good of humanity, but their own selfishness and petty needs, never considering the effect their actions bring onto others. Once you get these people are expelled, you will be surprised at how much time and energy you have to focus on the good things.

The people who are in my life are balanced and bring good things into my life. And if they do not, if they start to bring negativity and choas through my door, they will be put out. No appologies made. The relationships I have now are blanaced and mutually beneficial, as they should be.

And now I move forward fulfilled. My life is not at all perfect, but is is wonderful, beautiful, mysterious and amazing.