The Secret on My Success

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. – Ayn Rand

Many times people see a successful person and which they themselves could accomplish such things.  In my life, I have has many successes, and many failures.  I think the two really do go hand in hand.  Because you have to be willing fail brilliantly to succeed brilliantly. When people ask me about success, I tell them what has worked for me. These are my secrets:

Faith and Prayer:  Pray and have faith that those prayers will be answered.  It may not be what you expected, but you will get an answer.  And have faith that the answer is what is best and work with it.  You really don’t have a choice but to work with it anyway.

In my career, as well as in my personal life, every one of my prayers have been answered. And there have been many prayers, tear stained cheeks or just needing guidance.  And don’t forget to say thank you.

Hard work:  There is a saying that many people are afraid of success because it looks an awful lot like hard work. There is no way around it, you have to work very hard if you want to succeed and anything.  You must have a sick work ethic and be determined to go through as many Nos as you have to to find that one YES that you need.    If you don’t work hard, you will never make it.  But you get to play hard too.

Help People:  I owe a lot of my success to the fact that I will help anyone I can if they ask for it.  This means help them find a job, give career advice, tell them who to contact for what if I don’t know the answer.  You have to help people, because people have helped you.  No matter who you are or what you have done, you did not get anywhere without someone believing in you enough to give you a chance.  You can be the best and hardest worker, but if no one gives you a chance, you are not going anywhere.

You also want to help others because people help those who help others.  And we all need help at some point.  Miss Karma can be a bitch, so make it pleasant when she visits.  Which leads to the last secret…

Giants:  I have been successful because I have had the privilege to stand on the shoulders of giants.  The people who have had faith in me an helped me along the way…I could not have done it without them.  They have taught me, coached me, given me contacts, supported and helped me when I have had nothing to give in return, believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself and just been my heart.

But even when you have reached a level of success, you still have to work hard.  And you may lose friends, as some will be jealous of your success and resent you for it (sometimes, even your own family).  That’s OK, let them go.

Never feel guilty for reaping the good that you sew. The Karma of resentment will come back on them too. Those people will never be successful themselves as long as they resent your achievements instead of celebrating with you. Resentment is so negative and destructive that it will hold them back.  Get as far away from those  people as possible and limit your contact as much as you can. They will suck the happiness out of you and whatever you do for them will never be enough.

 

Keep people who do celebrate your achievements close.  And cheer them on to.  That positive energy is contagious too, and we need more of it in the world.  Your  inner circle should be filled with those who are positive and love.  And those who can be honest with you as well.  Those who will not only support you, but keep you in line.

Those are my secrets of success. I have been beyond blessed to have the opportunities I have had, the people who are in my life and the things I have done.

A Writer’s Peeve

I happens more often than you might think, and it can be quite a pet peeve of mine.  As a writer (or web designer, graphic designer or anyone who “creates” for others) it is very important to understand exactly what those who are hiring you want.  As a writer I ask a lot of questions – Who is the target audience?  What is the tone? What is the POV? What information needs to be included?  Any do’s or don’ts? Anything else I need to know?

And I always send a rough draft soon into the project to get feedback.  This makes sure that everyone is on the same page, expectations are met and that I don’t do a lot of work when the client is thinking in another direction.  Also, sometimes a client will change their mind once they see things written on the page.

So it is a pet peeve of mine when a client, or someone who is thinking of hiring me, answers all the questions but either doesn’t know what they want or is very bad at communicating it.

And this happened recently.  I was tasked with doing some sample work for a top company where I  live. I asked many questions and followed the instructions that they sent – Target audience was CEOs and CFOs, with certain qualifying information included in the pieces, and modeled after several other writings that had already been published online.  Got it.

I sent a rough draft of the first piece to get feedback, making sure they liked tone, audience, content, etc.  Crickets…..Nothing. …..No feedback.

I turned in the rest of the samples by the requested deadline only to hear back that they did not like the samples. They didn’t think the writing was engaging and did not think that I could write content that would interest the readers.

Ouch. First, as a writer you really cannot have any ego. Writing, like art, can be rather subjective. So you must take criticism with your chin up and with a grain of salt.  You can be the best writer in the world, and not everyone will like you. And that’s OK.

But this was different.  I did as they asked and followed directions specifically.  It was especially frustrating that I scrapped my original drafts, which were quite creative, after their instructions to write like the other assessments that had were online. I read the example articles that I was to model my writing after…and they were very dry, reading a bit like a text book.  I, as was instructed, followed suit. So I wrote in a more conservative and traditional financial tone.

This is why it is so important to send a rough draft, and for those you are writing for to send feedback!  Getting a rough draft is the perfect time to communicate any changes that need to be made.  It would have been the perfect time to tell me “Hey, we need something less financial textbook and more exciting to get the Millennials interested.”

Because at the end of the day, I am a writer, hired to write what the client wants.  And I am a very good writer. But I can only write what they tell me they want.

So if you hire a writer, designer, developer, {insert creative title here}, make sure that you communicate what you want very clearly. And if they send a rough draft for approval/feedback – for the love of God and everything holy- Respond!  If you don’t it is your fault that you do not get what you want, not that of the writer.

 

 

Homeostasis

Homeostasis is defined as: the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent  groups of elements of an organism, population, or group, as maintained by physiological processes.

No matter how together you have your life, sometimes things get messy. And when life gets messy, it gets out of balance.  When this happens, how do we get back to normal..how do we regain homeostasis?

Just like in biology, it is natural for us to seek balance and harmony.  But how we get there can be a mystery, especially when we are smack dab in the middle of the mess.  And finally, after much work, I feel like I have finally regained the status of balance, where everything is working and working together correctly with everything else in my life.

Homeostasis, where home, family, career and love life are all not only well, but thriving.  Oh, there is still much to do…like change the blinds in the house, clean, a pile of laundry to fold and a car that alays needs to be cleaned out.  But over all, life is very good and I am enjoying the calm.

Finally, I have that wonderful boring little life that I always wanted, and it is marvelous. Quiet nights, reading, writing or snuggling on the couch.  Cooking and enjoying good meals, a glass of wine with my sweetie, good music, and making memories.  But not at the break neck speed as before.  It’s more calm, more life giving, more…love.

The holidays are approaching and I am more excited than I have been in many years.  A wedding to go to in the next weeks has me excited as well. Celebrating, meeting new people, and going someplace I have never been.  Then Halloween, promising many knocks on the door as the neighborhood is full of children.

The family is celebrating at my house this year, and so much love will be around the table as we sit down to express our thanks.  So many blessing for which to be thankful.  Decorating and getting ready for everyone. Lots of cooking and the great smell of home baked goods coming from teh kitchen.  A lovely fire in the fireplace to gather around with naughty hot chocolate and warm blankets. This year will be a celebration of everything – Love.

Homeostasis, a place of balance and inner peace It’s here. And when you are able to come to the table of life with peace and love, everything looks different. The work you do in this life, is from a deeper,  much truer and more joyful place.

And so as I may not write as many entries at the moment, it is not because my heart is empty. Quite the opposite; my arms, my life, my heart, are all full and bursting  at the seams with all I have been blessed.  Homeostasis has never been more beautiful.

From There to Now

What a difference a year makes…or 4, or more.  It truly is amazing all that can happen, all that can change, all that can make you different, stronger, wiser, better. All that can be learned, in that small span of time, in the blink of an eye, that adds up to a lifetime.

Facebook has this nice little feature called “On this Day,” tt makes recalling everything from 1 year ago, 2, 3, 4 and so on years ago very easy.  And when I  look at these memories, I am reminded of all that has transpired from there to now.

1 year ago – I had just found out This Mold house was indeed The Hose of Mold…I was sleeping on my sisters couch, and attempting to make the last chances of a childhood friendship survive. That friendship ended in disaster and hard feelings and a death of sorts.

There was the very new curiosity of a suitor who, as it turns out after pursuing me hard for 6 months,  would prove to view me as nothing more than a burden to be endured, and made sure I felt it too.

Dad’s cancer was not officially in remission, but he had not had a chemo treatment in sometime and was doing very well, which was good after all the family friction of previous few months.

Job wise, I was at a place that was very unprofessional and was miserable. All in all, I was in a terrible place, trying to figure out how to dig out of the hole that had become my life. The digging out had just begun.

And then I look at the landscape of my life now…and I really have no desire to even peak at the last years gone by. That is all in the past, where it should stay.  The only thing left is to say that I am proud of how far I have come, from there to here, proud of the strength it took to walk those miles, those roads, those places, in that darkness and confusion and despair.

I am proud of where there was, and how many baby steps I took, after each heartbeat, to get to the light of where I am now.  Proud of the tears, and perseverance, the tenacity and hope and prayer, and faith, and belief that it must get better. That what is bad and hard is only temporary, and that certainly I could make it just a little longer.

But mostly, I am thankful, so very thankful, mostly because, all because, of my friends, and family and faith that kept me moving, even when I was down and out.  Those who believed in me, said I was strong and capable, and could do it. because I was the one who could take the heat, the one they all said couldn’t be beat.

So very grateful for the souls who held me while I cried, listen while I vented, sat with me quietly, just watching TV, while I healed from all that had passed. Who fixed me dinners and coffees, and tucked me in, making sure I was safe and warm while in this sea of high waves.

But then again, who couldn’t survive, even thrive, with wonderful people around them like that?  I couldn’t have done it without the,=m, as strong as I am.  I am blessed to have them in my life, and blessed, honored and privileged to try to give it back to them, should they ever be in need.

As I look out now, at my wonderful job, great relationship, family’s health and so much more. I am smiling again, writing again (like crazy, it is pouring out). There is a spring in my step and I am singing, though badly, around the house.  There is joy once again. And I know I am not alone.  I wasn’t alone in the rough seas, and I am not alone now that there is celebration to be had.

And that is what this season, this winter, this upcoming year will be – The time of celebration. And healing. And that is the best thing about getting from there to here. Join me, won’t you?

All That Prayer Holds

But for the Grace of God go I

There comes a moment in life where you must take a look around and realize how lucky and blessed you are, how far you have come and be grateful.  That is where I am now.  The past four years have been a test of endurance, strength, character, resilience, restraint, faith, love, family, pain and so much more.  And I have passed. But it has not been easy. the text books to the lessons were quite expensive, and my emotional bank account was empty for quite a while. Well, overdrawn actually.

And now, for the first time in years, I can look up and say that years, everything truly is great.  I have fought tooth and nail, but I have been blessed beyond measure. And as I look around, to the landscape of my life, I see not the hard times, but the blessings. And I see that everything, all for which I prayed, I have been given.  The job, the relationship, the health of my loved ones, and my own inner peace.

Is life perfect?  No, but it sure is wonderful.  I still need to loose those 10 pounds, the garage isn’t going to clean and organize its self, the lawn is beginning to look like a forest and the cats…well, are the cats.

And so I set aside some time to quietly, give so  much thanks for that which I have been given.  It is by the Grace of God that I am here, that my family is healthy, that I have this man, that I write for a living, that I have amazing loyal friends.Life can shift and change in an instant. And I am so very thankful for all of it, yes the complete all of it that I have been given. And I strive to never take it for granted.

I cannot wait for the next adventure, the next chapter, and all that it holds.  Life is delicious. I am happy.

The Dugger Factor

Anna Dugger. A name synonymous with the phrase “stand by your man.” Being a good and loyal spouse is commendable, but there are limits to what anyone should be expected to endure. A recent Facebook post about the topic went viral, and it did start me thinking. Many have criticized Anna Dugger for not leaving her child molesting, porn addicted, cheating, Ashley Madison account having husband. But instead, I have an incredible amount of empathy for her.

One can only assume that a man, or anyone, who can be so despicable and deceitful to those closest, certainly must also be very manipulative as well. That kind of manipulation is successful because it’s so very subtle, so much in fact, that you can barely recognize it changing you, chipping away at your self-confidence, until a large part of yourself is gone.

Now consider that she has no education, and that her family and social circle blame her for her husbands shortcomings. Her parents encourage her still, to stay with her husband and would shame and ostracize her for leaving him. That coupled with the slow tear down of confidence and spirit…She was the perfect wife, sticking to all the rules, and yet it still wasn’t enough. She is still expected; demanded even, to give more of herself for someone who has cared for her so very little.

It is a shame that anyone should be expected to stay where they are mistreated so very badly. While I do believe in the sanctity of marriage, are limits. Maybe we are all guilty aof staying in a relationship longer than we should have, but at some point you have to wake up, take off the rose colored glasses and get out.

Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, be made to feel like they are valued, and matter. To be needed, loved and valued are basic human needs, and if someone, anyone, whether it be a friend, a family member, a spouse, or a co-worker, does not value what you bring to the table, then you have the very basic human right to leave.

You also have the basic human right to demand that you be treated with respect, kindness and decency. To know that you are worth those things, that you have value in and of yourself, to know that your soul is important just because you exist.

The Facebook post that went viral stated that men are born with power, but women have to demand it for themselves, and that they should be taught to make a man cower in the corner if they need to. I agree. But not just women, though that is what we see mostly, because women are typically taken advantage of more than men. Everyone has the right, and if you must make a person cower in order to escape mistreatment, then so be it. But these lessons have to start young.

In addition to instilling a healthy sense of self esteem, boys should be taught to value women, not use them. Teach them that women are to be cherished. But also teach girls the value that men have, and that they deserve to be respected too. If both are taught, as children, to value the other, as human beings, then the world would be a much better, kinder place.

To know your worth, to know that you deserve to be loved, that you alone, are Enough. These lessons can make such a difference in shaping lives, and save those lives from an immense amount of pain later When both men and women realize the value in one another, that is when humanity is at its best. So I refrain from criticizing Anna Dugger, but instead feel much empathy and compassion for her. She was never taught that she alone is enough.

Of Cleaning and Music

We all have those times where we just have to do things.  It happens every Spring and new Fall. Some call in Spring Cleaning, some call it nesting. Whatever it is, I have the urge to straighten, organize and clean.  Everything.  I am a busy single woman, and I have pets, so every week I do have to set aside time for house cleaning, but what about that deep clean? 

 Oh, to mop, and scrub, and disinfect, and organize, and clean to my hearts content.  Maybe it is the fact that the air is getting cooler, and it is wonderful to have the windows open with the fresh air coming through the house, maybe it’s having the time now that the summer has come to a close.  Maybe it’s preparing for what is predicted to be a long. Cold winter. After all, if you are going to spend time hibernating, your cave should be clean and wonderful.

 And right now, my place is a mess.  The dust bunnies under the bed are fighting tufts of cat hair…and I’m not sure whose winning.  The cupboard is a mess of groceries…which I need to sort through in order to really have a complete grocery shopping list.  My closet is a mess, clothes and shoes everywhere. My drawers are equally a no man’s land, full of unfolded shirts and such.

But as I look around, I have to smile.  This messy house reflects a lovely, wonderful summer. One of the best summers in many years. And isn’t that what happens sometimes – the housework gets away from us as we are off living our lives?  But there is something so cozy and comfortable in doing house work, dancing in the kitchen, and making it wonderful and comfortable.  Oh yes, housework is not something I mind doing these days.

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In my time in radio, there have been many concerts, many shows, many great music experiences.  But this past weekend was one of the best – Alice Copper and Motely Cru.  As one might expect, this was the quintessential ROCK show…but there was also so much more. Not just long haired men in leather pants, the artistic value of the show was amazing.  The stage design, the transition, the lighting, the maneuvers, where all some of the best I have ever seen.  Not to mention, the musicians are truly talents – Tommy Lee being rigged up and traveling above the crowd…playing drums…while hanging upside down and slowly spinning. Never missing a beat.  Hanging upside down.  Amazing.

Alice Cooper going through more costume changes than I can count, a true show, complete with pyrotechnics, characters in costume, an AMAZING guitar player – who is a woman! – and a guillotine.  Motely Cru had girls dancing, amazing energy, no slow songs at all, no breaks and just pure rock. 

These old guys, could really show the new pop artists how it’s done.  Because the young artist today, can’t hold a candle to the showmanship, artistry, entertainment, and professionalism of the artists that paved the way.

The SImple Life

These days, in the world of fast cars, fast food and faster turn-around, I have been enjoying the simple things in the slow lane. It’s not as much taking time to smell the roses as it is just catching my breath, and letting life catch up with me. That’s the thing about moving so fast, sometimes you have to let everything catch up. And sometimes when you are knee deep in it, just getting through it, you don’t have time. So you just move ahead at light speed and get it done.

But then what? After it’s all over, and the lights are dim, crowds are gown, cheers or jeers have subsided and all is quiet…then what?

Then you are left with slowing down, taking a break, catching your breath and just being still. I like to be still. That’s one of the things I like best about early morning (yes, I am occasionally up before or at sunrise – it does happen!).  The early morning is so peaceful, still and quiet. It is pure, before the day has set in; before traffic, and bosses, and deadlines, and emails, and phone calls, and bills and concerns,and …everything. Morning is when you can hear the voice of God, I think.

And so in this moment, I am taking time to slow down and be still. To find my grounding and roots. To make sure the foundation on which I build, and whom I might build with, is solid and secure. I take time to let all my emotions of the past year or so percolate and catch up with me, so that moving forward there are no remnants. There have been plenty of tearful moments as it all comes back – almost losing my Dad, seeing my Mom so tired and worn, being so weary myself, saying goodbye to old dear friends, and wondering if they were ever really there at all.

Knowing the pain of caring too much, knowing too little, and having just enough. Of deeply hoping, praying in earnest, crying profoundly from the deepest parts of the soul, genuinely loving and wholeheartedly believing, mostly because, all because, you simply could not bring yourself to believe anything else. To believe with such sincerity and passion,that by the Grace of God, it is so.

And so it is now, that I sit,on a Friday night, glass if wine in one hand while typing with the other. What about all those parties and invites? What about all those good times, places and people? Oh, they’ll keep. Right now, life is all about my warm blanket, a fireplace, a good book, maybe a TV show or two, the sound of a purring cat, my favorite fuzzy PJ’s, good music, a soft bed, the sound of the dishwasher and the knowledge that the simple things are what feeds my soul right now. Oh, I am not ready to come out of hibernation, not yet. Just a little while longer in my own warm little world. Maybe by spring I’ll be ready.

And then when I return, the foundation will be set, them support strong and life may resume at regular speed. To be flexible you must first be stable. And until then, there are my soft fuzzy sock, hot chocolate, and warm snuggles. Yes, it is the simple things in life.

New Year, Birthdays and Taking Risks

Sometimes, one of the hardest things about writing is figuring out the opening sentence or line that might catch someone’s attention get them reading further and deeper. Just sitting down to write this post, I have come up with quite a few opening lines:

• It’s that time of year again…my birthday month!!!
• Just when you thought you were safe from another “New Year” blog
• As I sit here, in my PJ’s…

And sometimes, planning out the next year can be just as challenging.  I for one, am beyond happy to see the end of 2014, and am ecstatic about 2015. There is a sense of optimism and happiness. But how does one go about changing their life for the better exactly?  Not sure on that one, though many thousands of books have been written, and many thousands more no doubt.  Maybe it’s really not an exact science. Maybe it’s all by trial and error. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a compass to tell us where to go for that good life we want, or when we may be veering off track? A magic 8 Ball that really did have all the answers?

First I want to take care of myself.  Like many women, I stopped taking care of myself and took care of others instead. And when all was said and done, I was sitting on empty.  That is changing. I now look around at at empty house (except for the cats) and realize that I am bound by nothing…The world is mine to find adventure, with new things to trip over, places to fall into and new drinks to spill. I am picking up where I left off so to speak and it feels good. And scary. And exciting. And overwhelming.

I stopped working out and exercising. I stopped hiking, Stopped going to live music shows, or the botanical gardens. I quit fixing my hair, trying make up things and just having a bit of fun and enjoyment in general.  And adventure doesn’t have to be far from home, as long as you stay curious and keep quality people around you. For example, I had the best New Years I have had in a very long time. The best thing in the world, is when you are having such a wonderful time that you loose track and don’t even realize it’s midnight…

“Well behaved women seldom make history “- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

And I want to take a vacation this year. On a beach. I miss the beach,  miss the water. It’s calling my name. FINALLY publishing my book is on the list. I had to put it down to tend to other things and now, just like the rest of my life, it’s time to start it back up again. So if any of you know any publishers….

Exercise. The Dreadmill, the bane of my existence. But exercise I will. Not just to loose a few pounds, but because I felt better when I was exercising.  And I have set up a wonderful workout/zen area in my bedroom that will be perfect for rain day workouts and Pilates. Also, the garage is organized with space for the heavy bag. Yes, it’s time to start boxing again! And maybe even jog around the neighborhood if it ever quits raining. If not, boating around the neighborhood, that could be good exercise too.

I am not going to take on so much crap from others. I can help and be kind without putting myself out or sacrificing myself for them. This may seem counter intuitive to having Grace, which I am also seeking. But I think they can go hand in had. In order to have Grace, you do not have to be a doormat. You have to set realistic and healthy boundaries for yourself and life. I have not done the best of either in the past.

“Do one thing that scares you every day.” – Elenore Roosevelt

But the main thing for this next year, is to take more risks and chances. When we play it too safe, we forget how to really live. And sometimes the best thing you can do is step out of the comfort zone and grow. I want to do this with life and especially love. Someone sent me a picture they have of the word “Love” written in the sand on thebeach. That is what I want my life to be, full of love, life and sand this year. And it’s of to a wonderful start.

But I am also reminded of something I read not long ago, and that in order to be flexible, we must have stability. So, before any adventuring into the sunset happens, I must first find that stable foundation from which to build and spring my life.  Maybe that is why I am taking much care in getting the house unpacked and situated. And after being displaced by the mold, it is great to finally be able to relax and have a home in which to settle.

And there it is, my new year, for the age of 42.  And each heartbeat carries all the hopes, dreams and fears that go along with them too. And so it is, that I start this celebration of my birthday month. A celebration of life, of anticipation, of passion, of chances and of love. And they bring an enthusiasm that boils up from that deep place inside, past the mind, into the soul and back again.

 

 

The Oposite of Seasons

This is the season for parties, festivities, socializing, seeing old friends, making new friends and just a lot of hustle and bustle. It is a season of extraverts. But this season I am feeling anything but extravert.

This year I am feeling very be cozy and warm mama bearish. I just want to be home, or with a close circle of friends. Yes, the invites have been pouring in for this and that.  And surely these are people whose company I have enjoyed in the past. But my couch is so very comfortable and the fire is warm.

This year, after being terrible displaced from my home due to toxic mold, I am more appreciative of e safe place to hang my hat.  I want to make this space warm and welcoming to all those whom I love and care.

And as the pictures of festive parties, pretty dresses, fixed hair, perfect make up and lots of drinks are posted on Facebook and other social media outlets, I smile and click like from the comfort and warmth of my own hearth, on my flannel PJ’s and fuzzy socks (yes, super sexy, I know).

I sip wine and listen to my favorite music, unpacking, organizing, arranging furniture and getting settled.  And who says you have to be and about on the town seeing and being seen to be social? I have my friends close by, still meeting for dinners and drinks.  I run to theirs or they come to mine. It is nice and quiet and small and quaint.

There is home cooking – soups and sauces, new recipes and old favorite, smells and fragrances filling the house. Putting up and decorating the Christmas tree, with all the old ornaments from childhood that make me smile and love my parents. There is eggnog and mistletoe and kisses and laughter. There is the gentleness of starting over.

And sometimes, in the big world, it is good to be small and close.  It is good to make sure that all of our fingers and toes and accounted for and painted pretty colors, enjoying the small comforts that build the foundation of a good and happy life. Sometimes the small celebrations are even more meaningful than the big ones.

And sometimes, when it is all said and done, it is the building of many of those small moments that make a life worth living and loving. Sometimes being the opposite of the season is what gives it it’s meaning.

My Sitcom Life: American Tashedy Story

We all have those days where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Otherwise known as Murphy’s Law. That was my morning yesterday.

I set a pack of chicken out to thaw the night before in preparation of cooking a favorite recipe.  Those who know me know that I foster rescue kitties… So I get up yesterday  morning and what to my wondering eyes does appear? But the sight of pieces of chicken breasts, half eaten and scattered far and near. So the morning was spent tracking down what remained of the chicken. And let me just say that stepping on a piece of chicken early in the morning before even having coffee is not fun.

After the chicken was all cleaned up I got ready and it was time to leave. As I leave I realize it’s trash day. So I lean in to put my things in the car, and put my knee up on the seat. As I try to get out of the car…I notice the heal of my stiletto shoe is caught in the hem of my dress. So there I was, bent over, half way leaning into the car, hopping on one foot while reaching around to unhook my shoe. Finally got untangled.

Then it was time to get the trash can out to the curb. The very heavy trash can. And I tried to walk this very heavy monstrosity down a very steep driveway in 4” heels. And thought several times I might get run over by momentum of said trash can.  Legs can only go down a steep incline so fast in heels…and the trash can was gaining speed. Suddenly I saw my life flash before my eyes as I imagined the headline:

American Trashidy: Death by the Can

Forget Grandma getting run over by a reindeer, try singleton gets run over by the trash… the headlines would find ever clever way possible to frame the events that led to my death.  Thankfully I was able to steer over to the grass where I could dig my heels in (literally) and the trash can did not roll so easy. But it was a close call and I thought the trash can was going to win.

I am sure these events were very entertaining to my neighbors to say the least.  They were probably drinking their coffee and laughing that the new girl was dancing around and trying not to die a trashy death.

The rest of the day went surprisingly smooth, after I actually got out of the driveway. Such is the life of a clutz.

I can hear you laughing.

The Ready

It is almost a magic thing when you feel the seasons change. It could be something as small as just a sigh chill in the air, but you feel, you know, the season has shifted and you are ready. And in this moment, of Fall changing to winter, I am ready.

Ready for what is next, to find my new place, live, unpack, make a home, FEEL at home. I am ready for great boots and opaque tights, cool mornings and warm coffee. I am ready for fires and fire places, looking for firewood and hiring the cozy crackle, reading by the warm fire.

I am to ready  flirt, to smile, to laugh. Ready to be kissed, have long conversations and see what comes next. To feel the rush of wonder and hope.

Ready for the bruises to be healed, for faith to be returned, to finally exhale as those baby steps bring me closer, with every beat of a heart. I am ready to shed this skin, jaded as it is, and be new.

I am ready to learn, grow, experience unfamiliar things in unfamiliar places. Ready to see the sunrise for the dawn of a new day. Ready to discover who I am under all this weight that has been carried. Ready to let go and be free of extraneous noise and unfocused light.

Ready to push my body, farther than it wants to go, work it harder than it is willing to give. To go deeper, work harder, be braver, than I have. To wake up with all that is dear, close to me with no distance.

I am ready to pray and have faith. To truly do andbe the best I can. To do all that I can, with faith and singleness of heart. I am ready to be love, wholey, and give myself to the delight of discovering life, and all it’s entrappings. Ready to stay up late reading, curled up on the couch, not wanting to to leave the story. Ready to write pages upon pages of all that is in the story of me.

Ready to have Grace. That’s the hard one. Ready to keep with the 4 agreements, not taking it personally, knowing the reaction is more about them.

And I am ready to live.

Pain into Power

I think you need to go through some stuff to really appreciate life and understand what it means to persevere, overcome and have faith. I think those tough times make you a stronger person. – Judith Hill

We all go through hard times, struggles that push us to our limits and test what we are made of. Events that break our hearts, make us weary and so so tired. As we struggle to make things right in our lives, with jobs, love, family, friends, love and over and over.

What keeps us going, what drives us to succeed anyway? I truly don’t know. I think sometimes it’s just sheer determination. Finding your voice, your strength and refusing to give up even when it’s easier. Digging your heels in, being stubborn and simply refusing to be beaten.

Oh, no one told us life would get this hard. Cinderella never lived in these times. Turned inward is bitterness and anger. But turned out, you can use it to rise above, to reach deep down inside and pull yourself up with the strength of steel.

Harness the power of the pain and use it to grow, to succeed, to make it and finally to explode and light the world on fire with your strength and passion. Let the naysayers watch as you light up the path for them to follow, if they are brave enough.

But it’s hard when you’ve been fighting for so long. But that is what makes us great, our Will, our ingenuity, and the power of the human spirit to persevere, despite the odds. We just need to tap into it just a little bit longer.

And that is the key, I think. Is knowing, deep down, where even the light not dare go , to that place that is only yours and God’s. And you know, deep down there, that it truly does not matter where you come from, or how long or high the struggle. Because it is only temporary. It won’t be like this 10 years from now, five years from now, one year from now, even one month from now.

And you can persevere. Forget the odds, don’t listen to what all of them are saying. You listen to your gut, to God, and you trust in yourself and in Faith. And you know that you have a steel frame, a steel heart that beats strength into your body.

And you take it one day at a time, on baby step at a time. And soon you will be able to look back and see how far, how many, many miles you have walked. How you turned that pain into power. One step, one heartbeat at a time.

And that is how a superhero learns to fly.

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. – Christopher Reeve

As The Mold Turns

Buying your first home is supposed to be a wonderful, exciting, slightly scary experience.  And it was for me…until…until about a week after I moved in when it rained and the roof started leaking. That was just the beginning. In the short span of time I have been in the house, there have many problems, the latest f which is toxic mold. Yes, THE toxic Mold. As in Stachybotrys. And several other molds that are considered toxic, but Stachybotrys is the really bad one.

And I have it. Which would explain all the health problems I have been having. And it would explain the huge vets bills because my cats have been so sick.

When you move into a newly purchased home, you assume that it’s safe – for you, your friends, your family, your pets. Never did I think I, we, were not safe…because of mold. The home inspection was done, nothing was found…because everything had been freshly painted over.

And now mold is growing, fungus is multiplying, at an alarming rate (well, the fast growing mold, the others…grow slow). And now, I cannot live in my wonderful, beautiful, amazing new home, that I just bought and moved into this past March. It is not safe for my pets and I to be there, we are all sick.

My parents, my sweet elderly sick parents also stayed at my house. My father stayed to recuperate after chemo for his liver cancer(and his immune system was low after that). My mother spent 10 straight days with me, waiting for Dad to recover.

And now, moving forward, I must determine what to do,  how to do it, and do it quickly. So many mold inspections and tests to be done. So much expense and the estimates of remediation and cost of repair come in. So many hopes, dreams and aspirations gone.  My first home.

And many times in life, you must laugh to keep from crying.To find a little humor in the situation, if you will. So my house has been named Mold Manner, Sir Mold-a-Lot and The House of Mold. My new nickname is Moldilocks. As friends get updates it is called As the Mold Turns, Days of our Mold, The Mold and the Beautiful. I laugh….and drink a lot of wine.

And as I sip some wine, in a place that is not my home, I wonder, where will I put my Christmas tree this year?

Tune is for the next episode of As the Mold Turns…

Summer Slow Down

As the last leg of summer starts to wind down, I look forward to the coming season, but nor before enjoying the rest of what summer has to offer. Right now kids are back in school, daylight still lasts until pretty late, evenings are still warm with gentle breezes and the days are still hot enough to enjoy the pool.

It should be a time of slowing down, yet for me it is not.  Yes, I will take my time to complete the tasks at hand, but there is still much to do. In addition to the work on the house, which I have been told by other homeowners will never be completely complete, there are books to read, movies to watch, meals to cook, wine to drink, and memories to make. There are thoughts to be written and recorded, songs that I want to listen to, loud. And my piano that needs to be picked up, played; touching, caressing the keys for the first time in over 20 years, sitting in my home. That sweet piano, where if I listen close enough, I will hear my heartbeat.

I want to take road trips with the windows down, radio up, hair in the wind…maybe even barefoot. There are trails to be hiked, picnics to eat and sunshine to enjoy.  I also want to start prayer meditation to help discover inner Peace and Grace. Then there is all the exercise…running again, Pilates and weights and boxing. Pushing my body and my goals beyond.

There is the beautiful house which I need to make a home. A home has soul, and that takes time, moments, thoughts and love. To have friends and family over, learn how to cook on the grill. I wonder how many things I will burn?

With all these things to do as the summer turns and the season starts to change, I am not going out much these days. Something that a friend recently made mention of – that is not the Ada he knew.  But my life is not out there, it is in here, this place, my circle of friends, the loves of my life. It is in finding curiosity and wonder. It is in trusting others and my search.

So in these last days of summer, I smile as the sun sets and a breeze blows the hair across my sun kissed cheek. A life is always under construction, our stories are always being written, we are always seeking, reaching and defining. And I close my eyes and jump in.

The Eve

It is this night, this eve, this moment in time, after which my life will not ever be the same. And on this is eve, there is excitement, fear, happiness and calm. There are lists of things that need to be done, and the desire to just relax and enjoy the fireflies.

It is this eve that marks a new time, a new chapter and new life going forward.  It is an eve to treasure each. and. every. moment. Because this is the last eve that everything will be the same.

And after this eve, I will look back at tonight, and all those that came before, and be thankful for it all, the good and the bad.

And so it, on this eve.

A Little Look Back

In this world of rush, hurry up and wait, slam it down, cram it in, do it now, bigger is better and faster is best, we get a little rough at the edges. Sometimes we need to take a breath, cherish our memories and just slow down a bit.

This past weekend was that for me. Ever busy, ever checking things off the “to do” list, I took the time to slow down and meet with a dear friend I had not seen in many years. There was catching up, talking, laughing, a little crying, lots of memories and some confessions.

And as I sat there with my friend, I remembered the Me of days past. It reminded me of how both of us had grown and changed in good and bad ways. I saw how in the years I had softened on some things, hardened on others. And it is always comforting to be around someone who knows you, has known you, through all the pretty and ugly. Who knows the truth of you and your history.

Funny thing is that since that visit I have felt more myself than I have in a long time. More confident, happier, lighter and more settled, with just that little reminder, that little look back. Sometimes taking a look over your shoulder is the best thing you can do when figuring out the future.

And sometimes it is also conducive to keeping us grounded in this world where it is so easy to get off track in the rush to fit it all in. Just that gentle visit to say- these things, don’t change, they are great qualities. Because no matter how much time has passed, we always remain, at the heart of it, who we are. We always return to what we know, what is in our bones. Even if we forget, it is never too late to remember.

What is that for me? One word: Truth. No matter what happens in life, if I know the truth, then I can deal with it. Truth is concrete, trustworthy, solid. You can build on truth, it won’t crumble. We get into trouble when the foundation upon what we have built is quicksand. I’ve been caught in that before too, and it’s not pleasant. It’s hard to be settled when the ground underneath is shifting. And we struggle to find footing.

Then we take a little look back. And sometimes, that is where we can find the best footing – To where the to where the truth was and build from there. And that is what I will do – build my life on that solid and fertile ground now that all the untruths have been weeded out. No matter how confusing life can get, a little look back, a lot of prayer and faith, you can find the guidance you need…and make the leap to where your future is waiting. In this life, right now, it’s the new house, my job and career, new chances, new possibilities and… Me.

Hello future, nice to meet you. I have a feeling this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Home Ownership 101

We all have experiences that teach us a lot. And I am going to learn a tremendous amount by being a home. The whole process has been quite an eye opening experience, from dealing with the “haters,” to dealing with a difficult closing (the investors had not discussed how the proceeds from the sale would be divided, and argued about it – at the closing), to the fine art of moving items up stairs. I have been in the house less than a week, and have learned a lot already. Like what, you ask?

Well, like how to fix my own dryer. My dryer had a four –pronged plug, the outlet had three. So this little girl broke out the tool box and re-wire the new plug onto the old dryer. Being a non-mechanical klutz, I was very proud of myself for doing this successfully. I can now dry clothes till my hearts content!

And then I managed to figure out my wireless router and how to get the network back up. Yes, me, who can barely work my iPhone, got the wireless network up, though I am not sure exactly how I did it.

Then there is planting trees. Yes, I have planted a small tree or two on the property…proof that I can indeed use a shovel (no one has found any of the bodies yet, so the tree is proof). The fine art of breaking down boxes is also something very important to learn as well. Tomorrow I learn about how to install a top security system, even better than the one I had. I am also learning about installing TV’s on the wall. I have learned the importance of being able to do these things yourself, because living in one of the worst traffic jam areas in the country, my wonderful guy friends may not always be able to make it to the house.  And it is nice to have friends over when it is just to visit. I have learned that I am very loved and so many are willing to help and to celebrate.

As is meeting the neighbors – how to do it, when to do it and what to say. This may sound very simple and basic – it’s just meeting people. But it is a little more than that when you are a single girl, and requires a bit if finesse. You have to make sure you are friendly, but not too friendly – you want the wives to like you. The kind of girl they want to introduce you to their cute single friend…not the kind of girl they have to keep away from their husbands.

I have learned that I am in a wonderful family neighborhood, where the kids still ride their bikes and climb trees, where the parents play catch in the front yard, and where people know each other. I have learned that this is where I want to be living, because these are my kind of people. And if I have learned that much, and it hasn’t even been a week, imagine how much more I will learn in time.

Never stop learning, growing, experiencing and being curious. When we stop learning, we stop growing, and when we stop growing, we die. Always look around and find the next thing to do, see, learn. Life is so big, and I cannot wait!

The Shoulders of Giants

No man is an island. No matter who we are, where we come from, what we do , how successful we are or where we go in life, we could not do it with the help of others.

So to all those who have helped, who have prayed, who have cried with me, who have listen to me, who have carried heavy things. To all those who have made the load lighter, who have lent their hearts, picked up the phone, been there, done that, cheered me on, celebrated the highs and felt the heartbreak over the lows. All those who have sung with me in the rain, helped me relax, shared a glass of wine, discussed dreams, reflected on mistakes, planned the future, smiled at the past. For all of my friends…certainly this week reflects a lot of work and dreams that will finally come to fruition.

So many people have supported me, believed in me, encouraged me and been there for me. My wonderful friends and family. They have let me rest in their safety, and given me the kick in the pants when needed as well. Through it all, they, you, have been my heart and strength. My Faith and will at the center, I have been helped by many.

So much planning, working, dreaming, preparing, manifesting and doing. And finally, it is all coming together; in my personal, professional and writing life. And so for all the good things that are coming, thank you so much. I am here because I have worked, believed, had faith… stood on the shoulders of giants.

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Taking Care of the Birthday Girl

It‘s the start of a new year, and it’s my birthday month. Both reasons to celebrate. Looking back on the past year though, a pattern seems to emerge. Last year was all about taking care of everyone – Lots of family, friends, even animals. The only problem was that no one was taking care of me., including myself. And that is not good. When you do not take care of yourself, then you get run down and tired. You truly do not have much left to offer at the end of the day because you are so exhausted.

Last year was such a difficult year, because I carried the weight of many people. I carried their troubles, their secrets, their debt, their lives…and it was exhausting. Now that I am free of such things, now that everyone is standing on their own, it is time for me to focus in on…me.

And now, at the start of this New Year, this new age, it is time to make some changes. So this year, 2014, age 41, shall be about me. And not in the selfish don’t care about anyone else but me way, but the, I am going to take care of myself way. What does this mean exactly?

It means I take a look at what I want and what I want my life to be. What kinds of people and things do I want in it? How do I want it to feel? What do I want to wake up to every morning, and how do I want to go to sleep every night. What do I want my life to be filled with in my waking hours?

It means that I will learn to say no, when saying yes is to my own detriment (except when it comes to chocolate). It means that I will let go of those who bring stress and unnecessary drama in my life. I will get enough sleep and exercise, something which has not happened since the beginning of the year. I will eat well and healthy. And I will make sure that I have enough emotionally, physically and mentally to give only to those who deserve it. But all that requires me to take care of myself first.

I have learned a huge lesson this past year. I got so caught up in trying to help everyone, trying to make sure that everyone else was OK, and trying to please everyone else, that I forgot to please and take care of myself. The result is that by the end of the year, I was tired and frazzled. No more people pleasing.

This is my time, this is my year. We write the story of our lives. We determine how the story goes.  So there will be much laughter, love, freedom, work, writing, passion, and everything in my year. And I’ll do it my way.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. “- Shakespeare

When you are true to yourself, you take care of yourself.

Letter to Patsy

She was my 2nd mother. A spirited force to be reckoned with. And a tough as nails, loyal and kind soul. And now she has passed, and the world is a bit duller. There are so many things left to say to her,  And here they are. My Letter to My 2nd Mother.

Dear Patsy,

I can’t believe you’re gone. It may sound silly, but I always thought you would be there, I just could not ever imagine a world where you were not there. Now that the time in here, it just seems so strange. Death is final. And I think that is what hurts the most.

The last time I saw you, you were so beautiful, you almost looked like an angel. A stubborn angel that I loved dearly. Your eyes were brighter than I had seen them on quite a while.  I remember visiting you at the nursery, and hearing your voice and that Tennessee accent. I loved your accent. I loved your common sense way of looking at things. I just loved you.

I remember you asking me if I was ever going to get married ( you always asked me that). I just smiled and said who knows? And I remember you telling me that there is no shame in not ever getting married. And I knew you were right. But you were the first person to ever really tell me that. And I believed you. But I know you wanted me to, because I know you wanted me to be happy, and to someday settle down. Well, I’ve met him Patsy. I’ve met the one. And yes, I will marry him,, if he’ll have me. I couldn’t wait to tell you.

I remember you watching over me and Karen when we thought we were all grown up renting your house. How silly we young girls were, and how blessed we were to have you watching out for us. Making sure we took care of things, didn’t get too crazy and didn’t let our friends drive our cars.

And I think you were one of the only ones who truly understood what happened at the wedding. And what it all did to me. Your kind words and compassion carried me through many a heartache over that. I knew you knew that ache too. And you understood my tears. I loved you for that. And I loved that no matter what, you would always be my 2nd mother.

You were such a hard worker, and loyal top the core. I remember when you shut your business down to sit with my mother in the hospital when she was so sick. You just sat there with her, and watched over her so she would not be alone. You knew you didn’t even have to speak. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me that you were there. Or how much that meant to my mother. We will never forget it.

And she told me what you said about tying her shoes. And the baby Ruth! I laughed.

And somehow, you raised 4 children on your own – Three boys, one girl. Three young wild southern boys, and one strong willed girl. And you kept all of them in line. They knew you meant what you said and that they would respect their mother. How did you do it? You worked so hard. I always respected you so much for that. I thought you were amazing. And tough. I wish I could have told you how much I thought of you.

And out spoken!  No one had to wonder what you thought or how you felt. And you didn’t give a flying flip if they didn’t like it. I loved that about you. I trusted you for that reason too.

I wish I could have sat with you, just one more time, and had a conversation with you. I would have loved to have known what you thought about things now. No doubt you would have been full of advice – sprinkled with wit and wisdom as your words always were.

I do remember you getting after me for keeping the freezer door open during that hot summer. And you were right – but it was so hot!  And I know you thought of me as strange; this spirited girl, with all the boyfriends, and the weird ways. But you loved me too. Just as I am – strange, clumsy and awkward me. I can only imagine how many times you just shook your head when it came to me, how exasperated you were over the years. How many times you laughed at my odd ways of thinking when I wasn’t looking. How many times you asked my mother about me, and chuckled at her answers.

But I wanted you to know how much you have meant to me over the years. How your watchful eye has meant so much to me. And the affect you have had on me and my life. You will forever be a part of my youth. A wonderful part of growing up, of coming back home, of being loved. And I will miss you. And I will always love you.

Your 2nd daughter,

Ada

A Post of Goals

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.- Denis Waitley

It is a tradition every year that started with a dear friend several years ago. It is a process. First, I must think about what I want in the next year – what my personal and professional goals will be moving forward. Things wanting to be done or accomplished. Then I get several magazines, a board, stickers and pretty things. Everything I want in the upcoming year, is put on the “Goal Board.”

For several days my house is nothing but piles of magazine cuttings – pictures, quotes and other miscellaneous things. Stacks of magazine, articles scissors, stickers, glue and letters litter the floor. I move the pieces around, trying to find the best place for them on the board. And I always get glue in my hair…for several days. And as soon as I get everything arranged just the way I want them – the cats jump on everything before I have a chance to glue it all down.

So why bother with is at all? Studies have shown that there are many benefits to setting goals. Here are just a few of them:

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. – Henry David Thoreau

Clear focus and vision: When you really think about what you want for the next year (or week, or month or whatever), you get very clear on what you want – and what you don’t. Too often you can have many things on your mind and goals can help you take all of those ideas, apply perspective and priority, then galvanize you into commitment and action.

More motivation and greater enthusiasm: Passion replaces complacency, because we have something to work toward. We are not just drifting; we are on a path and know where we are headed. Goals help us focus on who we are becoming, not just settle for who and what we are today. When we set goals for ourselves, challenge ourselves to do more and be better each time, we grow as people. Setting goals can help to release our creative energies so we can focus on how to achieve them. You start to look for ways to make it happen. We take chances, maybe even a risk or two, because we are motivated.

What keeps me going is goals. – Muhammad Ali

Sense of control: There are so many things that cannot be controlled in life, that it can sometimes get a bit overwhelming. Having goals allows us have control over our lives, whether professional, personally or both. You are programming your brain, and putting your goals in an order to make sure your they become reality. And, how can you not feel in control of your life when you do this? when you feel in control of your life, your self-esteem is also likely to increase.

If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals. – Lou Holtz

Lowers stress: At first this may seem counter intuitive, but it’s not. Setting goals lowers stress by motivating us to live with more passion and enthusiasm. We are fully engaged in our lives; we stop procrastinating and start looking forward to crossing items off that list. And it feels good when we overcome an obstacle that might stand in our way. It also gives us hope.. of a better life, better job, being a better person… Setting and accomplishing goals makes us happier and more fulfilled; thus, lowering stress.

Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner. – Les Brown

Setting goals is good for you, and it can be fun – especially if we get our friends and family involved. They can help motivate us and celebrate our victories. This year my goals board will include running, doing Pilates, getting serious about photography, traveling more, saving money and playing my piano again. Join me, won’t you?

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals. – Stephen Covey

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Freedom

I swam in the ocean and played like a child. I did back flips, hand stands and the back stroke. I let the current of the ocean carry me as I floated on the surface. I swam underwater, like a fish, seeing how long I could hd my breath before coming up to the surface for that first gasp of air when my lungs felt like they are going to burst. There was an excitement, an innocents that coursed through my veins as I felt the water against my skin.

At first the water was almost too cold, but then as my body adjusted tot he temperature, it felt refreshing and I was energized. The entire sea in front of me, with all the mystery it holds. All it’s secrets being whispered to me in the currents.

It had been almost two years since I swam in the ocean. Almost two years since I did back flips and let the water carry me. And it was wonderful.

It makes you appreciate the cool fresh salty air of the sea. And to feel the soft breeze across my damp face was pure heaven. And I saw God, in the sea, int he sky, in the everything of the moment. And I knew He had me in his hands and that all was well in my world.

There were hot Krispy Kreme donuts in bed, melting in my mouth from the first bite to the last. There was laughter, wine and dancing. There was the innocence and playfulness of a child. It was freedom.

Part II:The Dalai Lama’s Advice on Spreading Joy

I had one question for the Dalai Lama. I thought about it for a long time, then asked a friend if mine who has known me for a long time with help. There re so many questions that could be asked, what would just one question be. And he hit the on the The head. As soon as he said it knew that was it: once you find happiness and inner peace, how do you share it to others?

And the question was answered. As u listened to the Dalai Lama speak, he talked about the key to changing the world truly is by looking in the motor…but not in the way that you think. By being happy an at peace, you draw others to you and become on example. You spread happiness and peace to others simply by being happy and at peace yourself.

Such a simple concept, yet it is so complex to grasp and implement in life. But for the first time, past the clichés and self-help books saying take care of yourself first, I got it. It only tool hearing it from one of the biggest spiritual leaders of our generation (why no, I am not hard-headed).

And his truly changed my thinking and actions. I have written extensively about making your life what you want, that you make te rules and write the story. That you should ask yourself how you want it to feel and go after things that make you life feel that way. But sometimes in the daily grind if bein there for others, we forget. And suddenly I remembered.

And I started going after how I wanted my life to feel. I started going after what wild make me, make my life feel the way I want it to feel.

And it feels so good, it feels right and as if t is divinely inspired. Things are falling into place. A better life for my family and me. A better place, better money, opportunities and so much more.

And something else also accounted to me: to be a good least to you must first take care of yourself and your own needs and happiness. Because as I am going after these goals, takin risks and making y dreams reality, I am leading my family by example, showing them it can be done, that good things happen, that then your head and heart are both happy, when you work hard and have faith, go adapter how you want life to feel, you can make it work.

You can make so ting out of nothing. They see me song it, and they can so it too. You can do it if you follow your bliss. What brings you peace, will also make you happy. So do it, go there, even I it’s risky, even if others say you are crazy. Be the leader in your life by taking the initiative to be happy.

And as the leader of the family, if I am happy, I can lea them with love and compassion. More compassion can be held in a happy heart than in an unhappy one. I see their faves, see hope in their eyes, and I know what the Dalai Lama said is true.

Seeing the Dalai Lama

Seeing the Dalai Lama was probably one of the spiritual highlights of my life.  He is so humble, delightful, so wise, that you just love him from the moment he walks onstage. He is a small man in stature, yes humbly larger than life. His entire face, especially his eyes, lights up when he smiles, which is often. He laughs a lot too. A soft deep chuckle that makes you smile and chuckle too. He emits happiness and peace. And he loves people. You can tell by his openness and general demeanor. He loves talking, communicating and sharing. He truly is interested in caring.

And as I watched him speak, softly, kindly, there was a rhythm to his words and his speech pattern. And it drew me in, so much so that I could not not listen. Hung on every word, every  story, every point of what he said. I wanted to be open and soak it all in, just like a sponge. To always remember this moment, his talk and the words he so wisely spoke to thousands of people in the audience. And the way he spoke, even though there were so many in the room, he made you feel as if he were only speaking ot you. His connection with people was that strong.

He came out on stage, spoke for about 30 seconds, looked out on the audience and smiled. He then pointed and announced that he would be going down there, turned around and left the stage. Everyone in then looked around, waiting, wondering where he would turn up…a minute later he walked out to the first row, and hugged a man as if they were long friends. And indeed they were. After a pleasant exchange, the Dalai Lama explained that the man he greeted was a good friend of his and someone he considered to be his hero.

I immediately wondered what kind of person the Dalai Lama calls his hero? He explained that he man he greeted in the audience is someone he has known many years that when his friend was 10 years old he lost his sight during an attack where he lived in WWII. Instead of getting angry and bitter, he went to school, attended college, and never let the loss of his sight stop his ambitions. He grew up to raise his own family with love and compassion. The Dalai Lama said he had the easy part, all he has to do is get up in front of people and talk, talk, talk, but this man he greeted in the audience, this man actually lived it. And that is why the called the man in the audience his hero.

And I took notes, so I would not forget. My hands typing as fast as they could, skipping keys and vowels just to make sure I could keep up and didn’t miss a thing. Here are the notes, please excuse the rawness of the notes:

• We should not rule by faith, we should use faith to find and rule with compassion. That is the way to a happy life and happy humanity.
• We should use common sense first, science second.
• We need a healthy mind and healthy body to keep up hygiene of the mind. Mental thinking is more important than physical comfort.
• Compassion and trust are based on respect. A happy home is based on trust.
• Those who are given love and affection from parents and others are happy. Those who grow up with abuse grow up to be distrustful and broken. They often lie and keep themselves at a distance from others. They often have a lack of compassion.
• We can change humanity and government, but it must be done through humanity.  Compassion must start from the individual.
• We must be happy no matter what the situation, must find that kind of peace within ourselves. Then we can change the world. Build a family, and neighbors, then a village.  We build this kind of world through talk, then prayer, and this grows.
• Action is more important prayer, but prayer with action is very powerful.
• Most unhappy problems, like those in Syria,, Iraq, Serbia and Africa are manmade.
• The 21^st century can be the century of compassion.

There was a question and answer session after he spoke, and those answers were incredible and had a great impact on my way of thinking.  He told many humorous stories about his childhood and his mother. But that is for the next blog.

New Awakening

This past weekend was one of the best that I have ad in a long time. One of my best friends, who I have missed since she moved away, visited this weekend. One she is one of those friends that no matter how long it has been since we have seen or talked to each other, it’s like no time has passed and we just pick up like it was yesterday. It was so good to see her and we had such fun. And along the way, there was a re-awakening.

We talked, laughed ate and drank. We talked of old times and people we knew, how they were and where they had been. We talked about our lives, our family and our boyfriends. We went to our favorite hangouts, our favorite stores and she laughed because even after several years, I am still clumsy as I ever was. And I told her some incredible news.

But mostly we talked about our plans and dreams for the future. We talk about our plans for our lives, our careers and the lives of our children. We traded ideas and suggestions of how to accomplish what we have set out to do. We talked about our hopes and fears, what we thought had held us back.

And as we talked of all that is to come, we both git so excited, and that is when the re-awakening happened.  A re-awakening of my enthusiasm, my hope, my energy. I have been taking care of my family and it is taken most of my energy. And there are things that I have set aside until it is a better time. That better time is now. And I have much to do.

Surround yourself with positive people who love you, support you  and believe in you. Those who will be your cheerleader and encourage you to reach higher than you thought you could.  And your life will be filled with many awakenings.

 

A Post a Day

There are many things for which I am thankful. One of those things is the fact that I am a writer. I get paid to do that which I love. How many are that lucky? But every day, we still must strive to challenge ourselves, get out of our comfort zone and grow. This is the month for such things for me. I am actively stepping out of what makes me comfortable. There is a saying to do something every day that scares you.  That is my goal for this month of October.

The first day of the month, it was the dentist, yesterday it was setting in motion one of my goals in life, that also scares the crap out of me. Today, it is committing to challenging myself to write a blog a day for the rest of the month. This may not seem like a big deal, but to a writer to writes when I am inspired to write, this is a bit scary.

It’s challenging and scary because of everything involved. Will I have something interesting and intelligent to say every day in a public blog post? What will I write about? And to make the time commitment of posting every day is substantial. With work, freelancing, all of my family needs and then actually having a life with friends and a boyfriend, time is precious.

But that is part of stepping out of your comfort zone. You learn new things and new ways of doing old things. You stretch your creativity and go beyond your limits. You face your fears. Whatever they are, and whatever it is you are doing…Can I do it? Will I do it well? Will I be Ok doing it? How will I feel when I have done it? What do I want to learn and get out of it? What if I fail?

Relax. Take a breathe. You will do fine. This is life, and the fact that you are willing to challenge yourself, to grow, to learn, to face what makes you scared, it more than most do in a lifetime. So get out there and do it. You only live once.

So a post a day…for 31 days. OK. Let the creativity flow and the typing begin.

Falling for Fall

It is Fall here in the south. The weather is turning cooler, with the highs in the low 80’s and high 70’s. At night the air is crisp and cool, promising the cold of the winter to come. In a word, it is delicious. I love this time of year. The air-conditioning gets turned off and the windows or up at night, as the cooler temperatures makes sleeping under a warm blanket a wonderful experience…until you try to get out of bed the next morning. Car rides have the windows down and the radio up, as the cool fall air mixes with  the warm sun to make the perfect recipe for road trip.

The fall festivals have already started, and the leaves are beginning to turn colors. The air is light and fresh, as  are the spirits of those around. Yes, it is fall, yummy, cool, promising, busy and fun. This weekend was a great taste of what is to come.

Family is a big part of my life. My youngest nephew came up with his girlfriend to explore and go to see a concert. Leaving us boring adults behind, they went shopping, eating, concert going and had much fun just being together. But I suspect we boring old people had much more fun.

Friday night were “crack tots” and beer with friends. Crack tots, true to their name, are highly addictive. You cannot just have one of these delicious tots dipped in equally addictive cheese sauce.  Thank goodness they have no calories either (at least that is what I tell myself as I devour them). Later that night my nephew and his girlfriend arrived, and there was much laughter and love.

Saturday was crazy busy, as once again the two lovebirds went out looking for cool things to do in Atlanta. Breakfast was cooked, more laughter and lots of activity around the Burch household. Then it was time for the adults to play, as we planned a fun time downtown. A friend of mine has a brother who bought a favorite bar, so we went down for the celebration. And we celebrated a lot. There were hugs of friend that I had not seen for a=years, laughter, catching up, eating and drinking. There was great live music, an old bank vault filled with everything Elvis, dancing and lots of Johnny Cash. There were pictures and smiles, and of course, several times I nearly tripped.

Sunday brought about sleeping late, brunching and lots of laughter and love

And I have to say that I am falling in love…with this season, and these weekends, and my family, and this time, these moments, in life. I am falling for Fall. And it is wonderfully delicious!