Honest People are not Suspicious People

It has long been said that those who accuse are often guilty of that which they accuse. Do we really even know what that means? To me quite plainly, it means that if someone is accusing you of things you’ve never done, or even thought of doing, you need to take a look at what they themselves are doing in their lives to make them so suspicious of you. For example, I have never been accused of cheating by someone who wasn’t actually cheating. They were suspicious of me because they were the ones Steppin Out.

But it doesn’t just stop at accusations of cheating. If someone is accusing you of odd or bizarre things, then it’s time to step away. In my last relationship I was accused of many things, including cheating, lying about taking trips, and health issues. Where did this person come up with all thia crazy stuff? I honestly don’t know. Maybe he had been hurt long before I entered the picture, or maybe it was from a horrible childhood, or maybe it was from the things he was doing and hiding from me all along, or maybe it was just because he was crazy. What I do know, is that good honest people are not suspicious of others. Because good honest people are not manipulative, and their minds don’t twist that way. So unless there is solid proof that a wrong is being done, it never even crosses the mind of the honest and unassuming.

Take a closer look at who is accusing you. I guarantee there will be something about them or their life that doesn’t add up. Not only that, those who accuse are often incredibly miserable themselves. They don’t have anything better to do than lie, manipulate, and then deflect and project onto others. Trust me, it is not worth your time to try to prove your innocence to the accusers. Let them think what they want, and you go on living your best life. Revenge truly is a dish best served cold, when they see you, without them, living your happy life, it will burn them up.

And all those accusations and lies and manipulations that they had going on in their life? Trust me, it will catch up with them, it’s called karma. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a chance to see it. If you’re really lucky you’ll get a chance to be driving the karma bus when it hits them.

Whichever way it happens, just make sure that you separate yourself from the constantly suspicious. They will make your life miserable with their constant accusations that they’ve made up in their own sick and twisted Minds. There is no way for you to fight the accusations, or prove them wrong.

Because no matter what you say or do, it will not be enough for these people. So let them go ahead and think what they want and make up their minds about you, they will anyway no matter what you do or say. And know that the accusations they make against you, says much more about them than it does you. Whatever accusations they make, it is a keyhole into their own dark, Twisted hearts. As a matter of fact, the accusations they make have absolutely nothing to do with you at all. When someone makes crazy or bizarre accusations against you, it’s because they’re messed up in the heart and the head, not you. Walkaway secure and that knowledge.

Actually run, because these people will suck the life and the energy right out of every single room and every single relationship that they happen to be in. The suspicious people will cause drama and damage wherever they go and to whomever is the closest to them. Because they are so damaged themselves that they must damage others. They are so insecure in themselves that they must do their best to make others as insecure as they are.

Don’t fall for it. And don’t let them make you feel guilty for leaving either. Depending on their level of dysfunction, they may use guilt or anything else they can throw at you to make you stay so they can continue accusing and abusing you. Don’t be surprised if you see the kitchen sink flying through the air when they get desperate. And they will attack you in any way necessary to keep you right where you are, right where they can keep accusing you and tearing you down.

Move on, and surround yourself with people secure enough within themselves that they do not have to tear others down or make ridiculous accusations in order to feel better about their lives. Trust the process and your own instincts, and know that you have done nothing wrong nor have you done anything to deserve that which you are being accused.

Life is short. So spend time with those people who believe in you and Build You Up, not those could throw suspicious side eye and have diarrhea of the mouth with their Twisted imagination and their accusations. Getting away from these people will make you much, much happier in the long run.

The Land of the Living

A friend called me last night and with exasperation in his voice, he said he was tired of so much death. Indeed, it has been a season more funerals and less weddings. And at some point, you do become death exhausted. But one thing such a season does it make you put things into perspective and change your priorities.

First, at least for me, it makes me realize how blessed I am in this life. There must be gratitude or what is the point of it all? I have a great job and fantastic career, a house I enjoy, great friends who love me unconditionally, and a great life. Every day I should be thankful for all that I am lucky enough to have.

It also makes me extremely humble to think about how many blessings I have been given. I am a great writer and have worked my butt off, but each opportunity I have been given, means that someone took a chance on me and hired me. I could not have become the writer I am today without all of those opportunities. But there are so many more blessings, every day, that make me so incredibly humble.

But family and friends are also important. And no longer will I ever place a job or contract above those in my life. That contract would replace me in a heartbeat if anything happened to me. And even though I am a great writer, I am highly replaceable, as is everyone one else in this world career wise. This realization keeps me thankful for my job, while helping me keep it in perspective at the same time. No one ever regrets not spending more time at work.  Your job is what you do, not who you are. How you treat those you love and how you help others defines who you are.

It is also important to be kind to others, while also not allowing yourself to be a doormat for toxic people.  There is a fine line between being kind and being a doormat. Understand that toxic people will resent you standing up for yourself. Your friends will immediately apologize and not do to again. Once you have sorted those people out being kind is not a problem.

As far as love goes, recent events have made me realize how important it is to be around those who love you and treat you right. Life is fleeting, spend you time with those who make your heart happy. Stay away from those who don’t.

And last but not least, I have learned the importance of fun. Life is short, so have fun. Go out, flirt, laugh, eat, drink and be merry. none of us make it out alive, so we might as well push the limits a bit. Smile as much as you can, sing out loud – really loud – to the radio when you favorite song comes on. Really listen to your friends and don’t waste time with small talk. And throw yourself into life with wild abandon.

And one more is take time to pray every day. Or several times a day even. Having faith is a major part of my life. Faith and prayer have helped me through more dark times than I can mention

These are my priorities. There are others, like make sure to do things you enjoy, do things that scare you, don’t let fear keep you from trying, but you get the idea. Everyone’s priorities are different, but basically do what makes you happy.

Life is short. Love it. Live it.

 

Toxicity

Several of my friends and I are going through a process of of pruning all of the toxic people out of our lives. And sometimes it can be uncomfortable to prune, because for some reason we owe these toxic people with their toxic behaviors a place in our lives. Maybe because they are family, maybe because they are or were a partner, maybe because you have known them for so long, maybe because you have mutual friends. It could be a number of things. But let me say this very clearly, if someone disturbs your peace, get them out.

And some behaviors are more toxic than others. One of the more recent ones I have run into is someone who was so incredibly arrogant, he insulted my profession is many ways, all the while with a smile on his face, which makes it even more diabolical. He is a self proclaimed “finance guy”, what ever that means. And he made sure he knew that he was more than an accountant, because accountants have no clue. Then he told me that my work as a loan processor and writing about finance was not making financial decisions, like he did. And that is why he was so much more superior than I…and all accountants, all mortgage processors,  and writers….

WOW.

First, what an arrogant ass. I am surprised that he can actually fit int he car with the size of that ego. What in the world makes someone so arrogant and…snobby? A LOT of insecurity and no gratitude at all. First, there is nothing wrong with processors, accountant, writers, janitors…or anyone else this horrible person looks down upon. While I have never been a processor or accountant, I have tremendous respect for what they do. And I treat everyone the same from a millionaire to a janitor, because they are, we are, all human beings with our own stories.

How miserable, insecure of ungrateful this poor person is. But, as much pity as we feel for them, get that person out. Miserable people will make everyone around them miserable because hurt people, hurt people. And mark my words, it is only a matter of time before someone that arrogant hurts you. Because with someone that miserable, will pick you apart and criticize you no matter what you do. Because they will always feel superior to you and everyone else. And because they are so arrogant, they will never see their wrong doing or admit it even if they did. Cut them out and run away like the wind.

The main thing that I want in this life is love – to give love and receive it as well.Those toxic people will never give you love, or if they do it will be extremely conditional and short lived – only there when you do exactly what they want. Forgetaboutit! And move on. it’s not worth it. That high level of toxicity will suck the life and energy out of your life, leaving you completely depleted and exhausted.

I want that love in my life, from my friends, family, and partners. I want to live a very simply 1950s life with no drama and love all around me. Does that sound ridiculous? Maybe to some. But I believe it can happen, but only after all the toxicity has been removed.

Life is short, too short to give toxic people another minute of your time. Live your best life without them. You’ll thank me later.

Thoughts in the Woods

It is Father’s Day, and it is not a day to sit around the house. Just because my father is gone does not mean I have to mope. So I went up to my favorite hiking place – Amacalola Falls. It was the perfect day for to be out in the woods, where I feel centered and safe.

The woods has always had that affect on me, which is why I hike when needing to clear my thoughts and heart. And there has been a lot to think about lately. The hiking trails were filled with families and a lot of kids. And father’s with their sons or daughters.

I miss having a family and I’m struggling to find my purpose not having one. For almost 10 years my life revolved around taking care of them. And I think not having a purpose is making easy prey for those do not have my best interest at heart. And when you’re searching we can easily find the wrong way.

And so I prayed to God at this beautiful waterfall. He made this beautiful place, these beautiful rocks, and with the beautiful water, on this beautiful planet. Surely He can help me find a purpose.

And then I talked to a friend of mine, who is in a similar place. And she reminded me not to come from this from a place of loss, but from a place of abundance. What does that mean?

That means stop coming from a place of stress. Instead of saying I have no purpose and I have to hurry up and find my purpose, why not recognize that my purpose will come to me? If I calm myself and relax I can free my mind and my emotions up for the what good is coming to me. There’s no rush, there’s no hurry. This isn’t the Life’s Purpose Olympics where somebody a golf medal for coming in first. There’s no time limit. I can slow down, and I can take my time, and I can let life unfold to me in it’s time and be open to what life shows me my purpose should be

And I want a purpose it’s meaningful and fulfilling, where I can help others and there’s something larger for myself, but doesn’t completely deplete me of all time, and energy, and resources. I want a purpose gives energy, and love, and meaning. I want a purpose that generates energy and recharges my spirit. This whole notion where we have to give to the point of depletion is a fallacy. We should be able to have a meaningful life without at sucking life out of us. There’s no Romanticism in being a martyr to the point of self-destruction.

Big changes are coming, because I am relaxing and praying and being centered. I am letting life show me what it wants me to see, and going with the current for once Yes, I believe in making the life you want, but you also cannot force it. I am figuring out the next, so I will relax and enjoy the now.

I will no longer stress because I don’t have it figured out. Instead I will focus in on me, and be centered. I will laugh and have fun. I will travel a bit, and clean a bit and work a bit and and pray a lot, and have faith a lot and love a lot. And in that, purpose will come.

Reevaluating the Revamp

There comes a time on life when you must get very quiet an small to become centered. I have written about this many times. When life gets too crazy, too much, too whatever, that is when you return to the basics. Shed all the things that are irrelevant, and make your world small to rediscover your purpose, reevaluate and revamp what needs to change.

I took my blog down for a bit in an effort to do just that. I have felt off center for quite a while not, so I took all that could be evaluated down, in order to do an internal audit of myself.

The truth of the matter is that life is going extremely well, but even with all of that, there is something out of place. I am feeling disconnected from my faith, which is highly unusual. And so, true to my writing, I am getting quiet and small, so that I can hear God’s voice whisper in my ear as major decisions are coming.

I will be praying, contemplating and doing what is necessary to be centered in my faith and walking in ways that exemplify my beliefs.

And so in addition to the Great Purge of 2019, the is also the Great Reevaluation and Revamping of my life. It is more than being ready for the next, it is a thirst and a hunger for a more meaningful purpose moving forward. And there are many ways to attain the dreams, but which path should I take to get there? And why does it matter? Because it’s not only about the dream, but about the journey to get there.

So hold on tight, because just about everything will be changing.

Life is too short. Take chances. make changes.

Between Heartbeats

We all need time to get away, to reconnect, to relax, to breath, to catch our breath, to spend time with friends and loved ones. This past weekend was that for me and more. An invite to spend time with dear Framily (my very close friends that are family). It was a reunion of sorts, as there were several that I had not seen in a few years. They have been such dear people in my life and are family in my heart. And I am beyond blessed to have them in my life.

Friday was traveling up to South Carolina to have dinner and catch up with my “little sister” whom I adore. Saturday was brunch and beach hopping before heading over to a wonderful beach house in the middle of paradise. Reconnecting with wonderful people and so, so much love that could be felt all around. Sunday was beaching and swimming and eating and drinking. A flight was cancelled, and an extra night was added. I had to leave early in the morning to make it in for work on Monday, but it was well worth it.

The weekend was also about seeing the man to work through some issues. We all are doing the best we can in this life. Most people are not out destroy others. And most of the time, patience and Grace is needed when opening a new chapter in life. We don’t always get it right on the first try. We were able to reconnect, talk, and line out our goals and expectations moving forward.

One thing that I have learned in life is that we all need to know that we are loved, and that we matter. We all need our group of people whom we love and matter to our lives. And it is important to share time and space with those people as they immeasurable improve our lives. Studies show that people who have a strong social and support system live longer and are less likely to suffer from depression. They are also more likely to rebound and persevere after a bad emotional setback. I would not have been able to survive the past 3 years of family losses without my network of amazing people. It is inspiring to look and know that you not only have people in your corner, but that they take up the entire audience.

It was a weekend of good times, good laughter, making memories, enjoying a slice of paradise, great food and love. It is the love that made the experience amazing. It was the love that wrapped me up like a blanket in the warm, wonderful, comfortable bed. And it was the love that could be felt in every crevice, every moment of the weekend.

Life is too short. And at the end of our lives, it is not the time at work that we remember, but those beautiful moments with our friends and family. For its these people and these moments that make life worth living in between the heartbeats.