One of the best things about living in Houston is the annual rodeo, and the rodeo cookoff. Everyone is familiar with the rodeo, but the cookoff is a another thing completely. All I can say is, if you love Bar B que, it is the place to be!
Rodeo cookoff is comprised of over 250 teams that come together is the spirit of good food to complete for the prize of best bar B que in Texas. Being on a cook team is an honor, there is a waiting list for teams to join. The teams pull out all the stops, bringing in tons of meat, drinks and fun. Huge tents are set up that have full bars, air conditioning (a must even in February/march). And most of the tests bring in bands to play to entertain the crowd. While many bands are local, still more are brought in from all over the country. They range from well known and like locals, to up and coming artists, to even a few headliners.
Outside the line of tents and cook teams, the heavy smell of delicious bar b que is in the air. And as it gets later in the day, more people show up until it’s shoulder to shoulder. Just outside of the tent area is a full carnival, larger than most fairs that make tours around the country.
Getting into a private tent is also an honor, and if you aren’t part of a team, you have to know someone. Fortunately my fiancé did and we were allowed in. The atmosphere was festive and everyone was having a good time. A band was playing and after having a quick drink, it was time to quench my curiosity and taste the Bar B Que. It was fall off the bone tender and so delicious I had to try not to make a big mess of myself. Our group was laughing, talking, eating, and most importantly having a great time.
After a few hours of eating, drinking and listening to the bands, y man and I set out to walk around the tents and eventually the carnival. As a rodeo newbie, this was such a fun experience, from all the wonderful smells, to the delicious food, to the people watching to the fact that all proceeds to go charity.
Life is short. Eat good food, make good friends, and enjoy life. And especially get out and enjoy what life has to offer in your own city. While I love to travel, there is a wonderful quality to knowing what your community has to offer.
There are moments when you realize just how lucky you are to be with your partner. When you understand with perfect clarity why it didn’t work with any others and how blessed you are to have love of your partner. While I realize this every day, how incredible blessed I am to have my man, I was reminded again recently.
There have been many articles written on the whys of ghosting, from both points of view of the “ghoster” and the “ghostee”. Personally I have never understood why people ghost others. Unless your life is in danger, there seems to be no reason other than cowardice honestly.
Part of being a mature adult is having those uncomfortable conversations. And whether it’s the “It’s not you, it’s me” or “We’re in different places,” or whatever, talk, it should be done especially if you have been dating for a fair amount of time. And it should be done face to face if at all possible. If you are not mature enough to handle the breaking up part of dating, then you are not mature enough to date.
I have been both broken up with and the one ending the relationship. And neither is pleasant, but you do it because you are a grown. You do it because that is the right thing to do. You do not chicken out and taken the coward’s exit.
Having said that, we all have those ex’s that surface every few years, for…whatever reason. I have only been ghosted once, and that was enough. The man and I had been dating almost a year. Everything was fine, there were no issues of which I was aware. He offered to cook dinner for my friends and I, but bailed at the last minute because he “needed to mow his lawn,” (not joking). I never heard from him again. Until today, 5 years later.
Linkedin is a professional site, so I was surprised to find a message from him saying hello and that he hoped I was well.
After I recover from shock, to be polite I respond that “I am fantastic, hope you are too,” thinking that would be the end. No, the ex felt compelled to catch me up on the last 5 years, right down to what his kids were doing.
Thinking Linkedin is a wildly inappropriate please to reconnect with an old flame, I respond simply that I am very happy and getting married. That is usually a signal to most men that they should move on. This was not the case. Instead, this ex that ghosted me 5 years ago responds in a way that is pure arrogance, “I am happy for you! He is a lucky man. remind him of that, often.”
One of the blessings of being older is you really don’t care who you offend, or how you are perceived. So I remind him that he ghosted me 5 years ago, bluntly asking him why he was contacting me, on a professional site and what did he want?
Apparently he was rather upset that his bad behavior was called out and the door was slammed in his face, because he incredibly defensive and told me he was blocking me.
Life is short. Too short to deal with arrogant narcissists. Ladies, if he slides into your DMs without an apology, or explanation…have a good laugh then slam that door so fast, so loud, and so hard, that he will have to pry that doorknob out of his arse. That’s what he gets for disrespecting you in the first place. And be thankful when you find a real man who knows how to treat a woman and a lady.
I haven’t written much as of late. Life has been busy and there are things to be done. Truth is I have not only been busy living life, but also busy working hard and staying motivated.
It seems that almost everyone I know is working hard to accomplish things that have been placed on hold during the world wide shut down. As we all wake up, so too does our ambition. This is a great time to set high goals and accomplish them. This is a great time to take advantage of all of the businesses opening up, hiring, needing workers. it is a great time to build the life that you want and have always wanted. But it is not easy.
Life, and that which we accomplish, takes a lot of hard work. And whether that is rolling up your sleeves to actually build a building, a business, a garden or working spreadsheets all day, we must be diligent in our motivation. My motivation is a set goal that is coming up. There have been long days, busy night, meetings, calls working late, staying awake and staying in to make sure it all gets done. And it is extremely exhausting. But it will be worth it.
And that is the thing about life, we work and build and pray that it’s worth it. And it usually is. Even our mistakes and missteps can be opportunities for learning and starting over. And that’s a lot of work too – starting over. I have several friends who are doing that too. And all of the moving around, shaking off, letting go, buying in, filling up, coming by, being done, and having faith that goes along with it.
In this day and age of faster the better, cheap is great and disposable is the best, can we really find fulfillment is working hard for that which we want? Does it ever work out? Yes, I believe it does. My own life is proof of it. But it takes time. And that is the hardest part, I think. When we know what we want, and the improvements that we need to make, it takes time to actually make all the changes and do all of the work in one day. So we must be patient.
For me, I am and have been, working hard for this goal, and it is almost complete. It is almost time to move the mountains, benefit from my labor and have the dream come to fruition. I have wanted this for a long time, though I did not know that it would be here and now until I set my mind to it. And prayed about it.
And that is the thing about life. We know when the time feels right, and we know that hard work will always pay off eventually.
Life is short. Dream big. Work hard. Reach goals. And live the best life you can. Only you have that power. and let that motivate you.
Initiative is defined as at starting at one’s own discretion: independently of outside influence or control. Basically it means that you have the drive to get up and do something on your own, you strive for something and you do it without being told. It is a word I think is losing it’s meaning in todays world of “Gimme, gimme because you owe me.”
Taking initiative is hard, so more and more people don’t do it. But many do and you can tell. They show up and don’t give out. We see it in business owners who get up over single day and open the doors of their business. We see in other s who go to class every morning to get their degree, and we see it in those who strive every day to be better, do better and improve what ever situation they are in. And you can also tell those who don’t. It takes initiative to do anything, accomplish anything or be anything in this world.
And whether it is getting up to fold laundry, or working out, or planting a garden, it takes time, intention and hard work. I saw a short video they other day where a sports person was talking about getting up and training every day, to make sure he was the strongest athlete he could be. He said it was hard, especially that morning, when he got up at 6am to run, when he could have stayed in bed. He sad it was hard when his friends where telling him to stay home, and play video games all day, because he could run and work out tomorrow. And then he said something that stuck – in 20 years, that friend will still be playing video games on his couch – meanwhile the sports person will be winning awards. Because he took the initiative and hard the drive.
That sums it up. You have to be willing to work at changing your circumstance, every day. ou have to get up, every day, and decide that your will work towards that goal, that you will do the work and whatever it takes, to get where you want to be. That would be a different career, it could be a sport, it could be to just be happy, or whatever. But be dedicated to that decision. Do the hard work. Take the time and have the dedication to stick worth it.
Life is short, and hard. But the work is worth the reward. Every. Single. Second of it. So make it count. Don’t settle for a life you don’t want because it would be hard to change it. Work hard, play hard, dream hard, love hard. And make this life what you want it.
It is no secret that this year has been a challenge for many. Between Covid, hurricanes, murder hornets, riots, dust storms spurring sand from the Sarah desert, to having to shelter in place and places being closed, we all wonder what each month might bring.
Right now, I am enjoying the fact that this month is bringing some cooler temperatures. It is the beginning of Fall – finally! This was my first Houston Summer and I have to say while it wasn’t that bad, I am ready for things to cool off a bit. I am ready to have my windows and doors open and having a break from high cooling bills. Sleeping with the windows open is an especially nice treat that I enjoy.
And the possibility of planting a fall and winter garden is tempting. The current garden is a bit of a mess and needs a bit of pruning and weeding. maybe a good restart as well.
Yes, there are adventures to be had this fall. New projects being started and new goals to reach. Fuzzy slippers to wear, with warm soft PJs and blankets. Nooks to read and write, and shows to watch.
This year may be a hard one, but we must work with what we are given. Even if you are not where you want to be, even if life is hard right now, work with what you have and make the most of it while you can.
Just how do we do that exactly? I find that being thankful is a start. Yes the cliché of an attitude of gratitude actually works. Because no matter how hard you have it, someone has it harder than you. If you don’t believe me, visit a hospital NICU or a nursing home. No matter what you are going through, it could always be worse, so be thankful that it is not.
Then you have to remind yourself that whatever the situation is, it is only temporary. It won’t be like this in 20 years, 10 years, 5 years…even one year. even 6 months. Then you decide what you can do about it to change it. Get a new job? Move to a new place? Go back to school? And you do it. Start making a plan. What if it is noth anything you can change at the moment? The you remind yourself that it’s only temporary and that each day you cannot change things brings you closer to the day that you can. And you work from there.
There may not be an easy fix for the hard times, but with perseverance you can turn that pain into power. And soon you will be celebrating and looking forward to the change of seasons as well.
Life is short. Play the hand you were given because you never know when you might be dealt an ace.
Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times. – Martin Luther
I think this life is a daily exercise of faith. And that is in the daily task of leaning more on His grace than our understanding. It is trusting in God’s timing even when we want things now. And that is where I am now.
I have decided what I want, and now it is a matter of trusting God in His timing. It is working hard and making sure that the foundation is set for growth and a solid life, and trusting that is will all work out not just OK, but spectacularly.
First, I prepare. Then I have faith. – Joe Nameth
And isn’t that one of the hardest things in life? We can plan, work and write down our goals, but that does not always guarantee success. And it is human nature to want to control things, to want to control what will be. It is hard to let go after pouring your blood, sweat, tears and life onto something. But we must do our best then let go of the outcome, happy with our efforts one way or another.
I have been guilty of trying to force things into where I want them.
So I plan and work hard and have faith. My dreams are getting closer and closer, and that is exhilarating. I walk in the knowledge that wonderful is lining up. I am making the goal board, saying prayers, working hard and having faith.
It will happen right when it should, which hopefully won’t be too long. And those who make fun of our faith because they don’t understand? Don’t worry about them. Leave them along to stew in their lonely world and move on with yours.
Life is short. Plan. Prepare, Work hard. then let it go and have faith.
“And all the lives we ever lived and all the lives to be are full of trees and changing leaves…” Virginia Woolf
The change is in the air as the mornings and evening starts to feel cooler. It is a subtle change here in the south, but if you are attentive, you can feel it, sense it. While we are still in the mid to low 90’s, that is better and cooler than it has been.
And at night, there is a little less humidity, and a little more chill. And this is the fall that I am looking forward to most. IT has been a long, hot summer. It has been a long, hot year for that mater. And all of the sudden, there is the promise of the cooler air, a nice breeze, and a bit if relaxing as we can get outside in much more comfort.
There is an excitement in the air as well. It is the sweet taste of anticipation. Because there is something magic about the Fall. It is the excitement of all that is coming, and the silent smiles from the memories of what has just passed. When things cool down and the windows can be opened and the air conditioning turned off. It seems to be when we breath a sigh of relief – the summer fun in over but it is the blissful time between the cold rush of the holidays.
And for me it is the start of many new adventures, as well as the wonderful continuation of others. Yes, this autumn shall be delicious and fun. I am already getting my long t-shirts and PJs ready. It is kisses in the wind, laughter in the sun, wishes in the sky and life settling in.
And in this time, when my heart is happy, it is the best season of all. Yes, it will be a busy fall, preparing for all the wonderful that is coming. And for that I am blessed and thankful.
Life is short. Enjoy the change. Drink it up like sweet cider to your lips.
There are times when life seems to be a big whirlpool – emotions, situations, people, and opportunities swirling around at the speed of light. It is enough to make a person dizzy.
The last few weeks have been a suspension of normal. There have been appointments and conversations, laughter, tears, anticipation, good news, bad news, visits, fun, trips, bad weather, smooth sailing, dark skies and everything in between. From finding out about a dear friend’s suicide that I cannot even begin to process, to seeing other wonderful friends, to going on trips, to planning the future, to finding out who an ex truly was, it has been sensory overload.
What to do when life gets a but too…confounding? I am not entirely sure, but what seems to work for me is to take a step back and breath. Take a few moments to process and digest all the information I have been given.
When we take time to process the world in front of us, we also take the time to listen to ourselves, our guts, so to speak. We take time to listen also to God’s voice. we gain perspective and valuation of our emotions, so that when we do act, or voice, or smile or cry or yell or dance, we will do it from our most authentic spaces. We also allow ourselves to feel and thus work through any disheartening events.
And so I take some steps, and a deep breath. I find a way to say goodbye to my dear friend. I celebrate great news of others. I celebrate my own good fortune. And thank God I dodged a huge bullet that would have left a hole in my heart.
Life is short. Take the time you need to process so that you can also take the time to enjoy the rest of life as it comes.
It’s summer, in the middle of a pandemic, what are you going to do? Clean. I was too busy playing to do it in the Spring, now that it is 108 outside, my attention turns to the inside. Indeed there is dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and much, much more. It is in my nature to “nest” and make sure all is in orner on the inside.
And isn’t that the way it is with life as well? First we must make sure that we have everything in order inside ourselves. Let’s face it, it’s no fun being a hot mess everywhere, so might as well clean it all up. It’s a pandemic, what else have you got to do?
Yes, indeed, this is the perfect time to get yourself in order, inside and out. Things have slowed down, which gives time for those items that have been overlooked or put off in the rush of life.
And it is extremely cathartic to clean. It feels good to get out all of the trash and extraneous noise. To throw out what is no longer useful or serves us in our lives.
When we clean out the negative and useless, we make room for that which is much more bright and beneficial. We face our fears, conquer our demons. and come out stronger an better than before. Abd when we pray for the next that will come into our lives, we will have the emotional and mental bandwidth.
And so as I mop and dust and vacuum and clean baseboards (yes, the baseboards too), I also do a mental and emotional de-cluttering. I pray and think and organize my thoughts as I organize and clean out the cabinets.
We have all seen the show, at least one episode of Hoarders, and it is terrifying. What is even more terrifying is if we could see all the things that people (we) are holding onto emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Imagine what a mess that is when you hang on to old hurts, resentments and anger. Have you ever met any one who is so bitter that you wonder what happened to them? That is because they are an emotional hoarder and they will not let go of all the pain, so it festers inside of them.
Life is short. Don’t be a hoarder. Do the Spring cleaning in the summer or winter or whenever things get a bit messy. We do clean our houses, why shouldn’t we do the same to ourselves? Life is too short to carry all of that anyway.
It takes a lot of work to transform a life. To change the trajectory and momentum you must have a strong force to stop the inertia. To start over is to accept that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. In simple terms, it takes a lot. It takes a lot of work, a lot of will, a lot of tears, rearranging, recalculating, re-figuring, reworking, rethinking, re-shifting, and most of all, a lot of being uncomfortable and confused.
So what do you do when you have that second chance at life? You figure out what your dreams are and what will make you happy. And how do you do that? You listen to your own heart, your own soul, deep down when it’s dark. Then you do the work to make it happen. And you pray. But growth is rarely pain free or completely comfortable. In fact it is often our discomfort and distress that is the precipice for change. Sometimes it takes a long while, sometimes it doesn’t.
I moved to a new state to start a new life, and in 6 short months I have accomplished that which I set out to do. My dreams are coming true, that for which I have prayed and worked so hard is coming to fruition. In 6 short months, I have worked hard to transform the landscape of my decisions.
And to be honest it has been grueling and fun and exhausting and exciting and extremely rewarding. It has been a lot of physical work – packing and unpacking, lifting, arranging boxes, pictures, clothes and things I hold most dear. Deciding what to keep and what to throw away. It has been tilling, planting and weeding the garden. It has been creating everything out of nothing but a dream, a shard of light in a universe of darkness.
There has been a lot of praying too. Where I fall short is trusting that what has been set into action will work out for the best. But ins;t that always one of the hardest parts of life? Working and wanting so much, but having to trust that it will all work out in the end. But it always does, doesn’t it?
And now there are offers of interesting projects with intelligent people, conversations with publishers and too many exciting possibilities to mention for fear of jinxing them. Indeed, everything I have prayed for, save for one thing, has happened and been given to me. Oh, and that one thing will be so sweet and amazing when it finally happens.
Life is short. So go for. Recalculate to make your world what you want. Excuses are for cowards, so stand up, face your fears head on, work hard, play hard, pray harder and trust the most.
I wrote this nine years ago and still try to live by it today. But what does it mean exactly? And what do we do to make it happen? First I think it means that we must work hard to hard to reach our goals. But part of succeeding is also failure, because it is when we fail that we learn the most.
And after failures, we get up, dust ourselves off and try again. And again. And again. Until we succeed brilliantly from all we have learned. But that is not enough. You must irrigate and cultivate your work into a system of dreams to nourish your life. Become a dream turbine…creating the energy and electricity to bring them to fruition.
But how? Hard work and perseverance. I am a writer, and if I quit every time someone told me “No” or every time someone else was chosen for a job, then I would never leave my house or write another word. Everyone must face rejection, because no matter how good you are, even if you are one of the best, someone will always be better. Don’t take it personally. Move on and go to the next.
Eventually, you will get the Yes that you want and need. But you must persevere first. And when you do, and those positive answers keep coming, then you will see those dreams. Remember anything worthwhile doesn’t come easy. We appreciate that which we worked hard to accomplish.
Life is short. Have many dreams and make as many of them come true as possible. If you don’t know how or where to start, start anywhere. Trust me, it will happen.
Vested is defined as secured in the possession of or assigned to a person. We search for being vested in out careers and in finance with our 401Ks, why not find a way to be vested in life. In our lives?
To me being vested means being in-vested. After all, isn’t that why we want our 401KS vested? It’s free money, it multiplies and helps us attain our retirement goals. To me, there is no better investment to make than in yourself.
What does that mean exactly? That means making sure to take care of yourself so that your spirit, your goodness, you life-force, multiplies. I know what happens when you don’t take care of yourself and get run down. You get beyond tired and weary. It is an exhaustion that is felt from the tip of your soul to the bottom of your heart. And it can take years to recover and get your “You” back, to feel 100% again.
Taking care of yourself means getting enough rest, exercise and spiritual food. We hear it all the time, to take care of yourself, almost to the point where it is cliche’ but there is a reason. I spent years taking care of others before myself. It took it’s toll. When you are tired like that, down to your heart and soul, you cannot feel happiness or see the good in life because it simply takes too much energy. So even the amazing is bland. It’s like being sick on vacation, no matter how great the vacation is, you won’t enjoy it if you are sick.
Yet somehow along the way, taking care of ourselves has become synonymous for “being selfish.” Except it’s not. When you don’t take care of yourself, you become depleted and can no longer take care of others. You no longer have anything left to offer, and then you will only take from others. Because you have to be replenished. Better to do so before you reach empty rather than after. Think about it, we don’t let our cars run out of gas before we fill up the tank, why would be do that with ourselves?
But it is more than that, taking care of yourself also means giving ourselves the compassion and forgiveness that we give to others. It is great to hold ourselves to a high standard, but we are all human, and no one is perfect. Yet we beat ourselves up for not doing everything, being everything, accomplishing everything, and being perfect. Why do we do that? Why do we give others the love and understanding that we do not allow our very selves to enjoy?
Take time for yourself, listen to some music, get rest, take your vitamins, breath fresh air. The model of doing for others to the detriment of yourselves is co-de pendant and unhealthy. Maybe in the dark ages, when they had no technology, and science and medicine were in their infant stages. But in this day and age, we should be able to take a break, invest in our own physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health. Go to the doctor, or psychologist, or psychiatrist, or to yoga, or for a walk, or do what ever you need to do to be happy.
And if you don’t take care of yourself, then who will? Whose responsibility is it? Your job, big companies won’t do it. Corporations are looking our for the bottom line. Your bank won’t do it. And your family and friends have their own lives and issues to deal with. Yes, we can lean on our loved ones, but if we won’t help ourselves, take cafe of ourselves, then why would we expect any one else to? Bottom line is no one else will, so you have to love yourself enough to invest in yourself.
Be vested in yourself and your life. We are so careful and considerate with our money, shouldn’t we be at least give the same consideration to our health and happiness? I want love to be so present in my life that it is tangible. That love first has to start with myself. And like any good investment, that love will multiply, until it envelops everyone in my presence.
For me, love always originates from God. So I pray for His love, compassion and Grace to be passed on to me, And with His love passed on to me, I can invest it in myself, so that it will multiply and be shared with others.
Because i don’t just want to survive. Or even just exist. I want to live.
They say you should put your intentions out there, and not to be afraid to claim what is rightfully yours. For a while I simply didn’t have the energy to do this. But now I’m coming into the light out of the dark, my energy has returned and it feels Beyond glorious. And so with new enthusiasm and energy and faith and sense of wonder and curiosity, I’m here to claim what is mine. Because what is mine is here for the taking.
And what is mine is a wonderful fulfilling career of writing. Not just of writing for corporations and projects that I find interesting. Before writing my books and for my own personal satisfaction. My writing is for inspiring and encouraging others in their daily life and struggles. For those who are trying to get through things that they don’t discuss, or for relationship issues, or for grief of losing a loved one. My writing career is mine for the taking, for making people think, and set goals, and smile, and discuss.
And what is mine for the taking, is a wonderful harmonious happy household full of laughter and discussion and smiles. It is a home filled with wonderful memories of friends, and loved ones, and those wonderful delicious delicate moments that make worth life living.
What is mine for the taking is a wonderful amazing romantic partner who is both passionate and Incredibly kind. Compassion, and empathy, and integrity, and kindness are abundant. And what is mine for the taking is holding hands and discussing dreams and discussing heartaches and sharing life. What is mine for the taking if someone who will support me and take care of me just as I support and take care of them. A mutually beneficial and kind relationship.
What is mine for the taking is Adventure and fun. I am no longer satisfied with playing it safe in the safe places. I want to go and grow and explore and seek. I want to see the world and talk to people and find out about all the things of which I am curious. I want to learn and share ideas.
What is mine for the taking is the energy for this life that I have been blessed with and will create even more. What is mine for the taking is all the love that I have to offer to others, being returned to me as well. And through faith and hard work, and the amazing Miracle of God’s grace, these things are mine, will be mine, and this life will blossom.
But how exactly do we do this? How do we turn our lives from the drab and mundane, into the beautiful & fabulous? I don’t know, but I have an idea. I think that the secret lies in finding the fun and adventure in the everyday. I know it sounds silly, maybe even impossible, but I truly think it can be done. The big things in the big events that make our life spectacular don’t happen that often. So if we wait on all the big events to happen before we can be happy or initiate change, we’re going to be miserable and waiting a long time. So we have to make sure that we enjoy every single moment of every single day to the absolute fullest. And that means creating adventure and fun where maybe others can’t see it.
We’re in the middle of summer, it’s the perfect time to roll your windows down and crank the radio up and sing at the top of your lungs. Who cares what the next driver thinks of you or if they look at you like you’re an alien? They only wish they were having this much fun driving around in the traffic. And who would have ever thought driving would be so much fun? But we can make it an adventure if you choose. Or how about the next time it rains? Look for the rainbow, or actually step out in the rain and enjoy feeling the cool raindrops against your skin as the precipitation washes away all the debris from your soul. We can find magic in the ordinary if we’re only willing to close our eyes and see it and look for it.
Life is short, and what is abundantly clear is that whatever it is you are looking for is what you will find. So you might as well look for things that will make you happy and sustain a beautiful life. Life is too short to be miserable, so you might as well have fun in Adventures along the way. Don’t get me wrong, no matter how hard we try there will always be some drama and some hardships, but that’s not what life is about. And if we pray and have faith and work hard and believe, we can make our lives the beautiful, marvelous, complex novels they were meant to be.
So don’t be afraid to claim what is yours in Life, or whatever it is you want. There’s no shortage, so there’s plenty for everyone. And it’s just they’re waiting for you, your dreams and your passion are the only boundaries that exist. So go on, claim your treasure, claim what is yours. After all it is yours for the taking, this life which we have been blessed to have.
It is that time of year when we tend to look back and reflect. We think about how far we have come in 12 months, what we have done, what we have left undone, who we have lost and what we have accomplished. And 2018 has been quite a year. It was very different than what I expected. Indeed my life is very different now than what it was at the beginning.
I have changed jobs, changed addresses, changed options, changed sizes, change goal, positions, hopes, dreams, goals, boyfriends, clothes, furniture and attitudes. In the beginning, my middle nephew was living with me while getting his medical and employment issues straight. I made sure he had what he needed. He had new clothes, shoes, doctors, a new haircut and a new address as well. It was not enough though.
At the close of the year, I am once again living alone and enjoying my own space. The closing is soon, and I will me free – unencumbered by taking care of others. My life has been returned to me, and I plan to take full advantage.
This year has also seen me come into my own – as a leader, a matriarch, a business woman, a negotiator, a disciplinarian, a guardian, and a confidant human in this world. I know that of which I am capable, I know my strength and my worth, and never again will I forget it. It has seen me come to peace with making a new life, one that has been built one tear drop, one heartbeat, one prayer at a time. It has seen me wonder down paths of self discovery and avenues of pain, pleasure, love, lust, change, risk, shame, grace, pride and anger. And it has seen me walk the street of forgiveness, both for myself and for others.
One of the great things about the rear view mirror, is that whatever you see is behind you. And this year, I am not sad about saying goodbye to 2018. Because this year has also seen an unmatched amount of strive, and greed, and dishonesty, and accusations, and disrespect, and taking advantage. It has seen those who are too disinterested to care, and those who cared too much to stay. It has seen the death of one of my dearest friends, and has seen others flourish.
But as I look in the rear view mirror, I wave goodbye. To those who tried to hurt me – you only made me stronger and wiser. To those who loved me, thank you, you gave me life and restored my faith. To those whom I loved, you are my heart.
Life is short. Stop looking behind you and go fill speed ahead.
Anyone familiar with grief and the loss of loved ones will tell you that no matter how far along you are in the process, no matter how much time it has been, there are certain days that may still be hard.
I have come a long way since her death almost two years ago, but still some days are harder than others. Mother’s Day, her birthday, the holidays, can be especially hard. Last Mother’s Day was the first without her and that first one I think is the worst. I am not sure how the second one will be. Last year I celebrated by getting her a card, swimming out into the ocean, releasing the card to let the tide deliver the message. And I know that she got it. It was amazing and beautiful and cathartic and wonderful.
For their 50th anniversary, in November, I got them both a card, and swam out to the ocean again. That time a friend swam out with me so that I would not be alone. And it was beautiful. There are many ways to remember a loved one…from planting trees, to having a nice dinner, to doing charity work. But none of those seem to fit. Maybe I will go out to a lake and deliver a message that way. Maybe release balloons. Maybe I will read her manuscript that she wanted me to finish. Maybe I will look for the signs and find a way to celebrate, to do something new and make a memory in her honor. I will find some way to celebrate her, and her life and our relationship. Our last Mother’s Day was not the best as Mom was sick and very moody. That made it difficult at best. She often got mad at small things and I did not understand why or what was going on. But we loved each other so very much that even her sickness could not break that bond. Grief is universal, and so is losing your parents. Hug them if you still have them around. Tell them you love them. And cherish every day you have together. Make Mother’s Day a true celebration. Make it the best you can so the memories are wonderful.
I am not sure how the second one will be.
Hug them if you still have them around. Tell them you love them. And cherish every day you have together. Make Mother’s Day a true celebration. Make it the best you can so the memories are wonderful.
That moment your ex, who cheated on you with prostitutes and strippers, contacts you and acts friendly, but you know the snake that he is. Then he tries to get back together by talking about all his great . memories, you rebuff him and he gets angry….and tries to tell you not to say, type or write his name (because he thinks he is Beatlejuice? Or a dictator who has never heard of Freedom of Speech and the First Amendment). Hahahaha!!
Even though I’m now on the other side of grief, that doesn’t mean that the healing stops. I think the healing always continues with grief, because the grief always continues after you’ve lost a loved one such as a parent.
There can be small healings in the small perfect moments of life. The moments in Between The Raindrops and the heartbeats. The moments where you catch your breath, or smile at a memory. The moments that keep you thankful for the life you have in that moment. Those are the small healings, and they are going to have a huge effect.
Because just like anything in life it’s the small things that add up after a while. So I look forward to many small moments of healing. Moments with a smile, or a breath, or gasp. Moments, small, almost too small for the naked eye to detect, yet big enough for the heart and soul to feel. Small moments that craft the healing of life, and facilitate the strengthening of the cracks.
The places were love and light seep in from up above, to the deep inside.
That is what I seek, in the daily life I live. And isn’t that theu way it is supposed to be? As we move doreard, we gain momentum and strength. We garner a new appreciation of all that is around us, just as they would want.
And so let those little moments pour into my soul and fill me with the love that is all around, so that joy bubbles up from the bottom of my feet and spills out from the corners of my mouth.
There Comes a time, when we realize that the dust has settled. When we realize that the clouds have parted, and there actually is still a sun. That everything good in the world that we loved, is still there.
I have written extensively about what the past two years has been like. And now finally it seems that the dust has settled, the clouds have parted, the rain has stopped, and the sun is shining. And as I look up I see rainbows.
This has been long, hard month, March. The 1st aniversary of Dad. Still taking care of the estate matters and family issues. But now, the month is almost over. And I have made it through.
I asked a good friend who’s read everything that I’ve written so far, just what this past two years has been like from the outside looking in. Because when you’re in it, you’re just trying to survive and you really can’t see what’s around you. In other words, when you’re in the middle of the weeds you can’t see how tall they really are. So I asked him, just how tall were those weeds? And the answer back was very insightful.
There are things about the past couple of years that I really don’t remember. Things that I know that I had to have done, like arranging funerals and other such details, but I have no idea how I did it. There is no memory. And sometimes, in life, we are just trying to get through so we don’t commit things to memory. Everything comes crashing down a swirling all around so fast that the only thing we can do is pay attention to what needs to be done that day, that moment, just to keep our head above water. And so when we look back but we really don’t remember all the fine details. Because we were too busy trying not to drown.
After a tramatic time, sometimes we just need to enjoy being. We need to enjoy the Stillness that happens in the quiet night time. We need to memorize beautiful sunrises, and sunsets. We need to pay attention to all the perfect wonderful moments, because they’re still all there. And we need to take a moment, to catch our breath, before we go off running again.
And that’s where I am. I am in between and right before what comes next. It is the breath before the kiss, the Hope before the dream, the everything before it all. And I want to enjoy it, I want to soak it all up, that beautiful sunshine of life. Because I’ve missed it. And now it’s time to enjoy spring.
And that is the thing about life. We will have many seasons in our lives. We will have good time and bad in each season. There will be moments when we have to catch our breath from pure joy, another moments when we can’t breathe from sorrow. It’s all part of the same coin. So enjoy the intricate possibilities, adventures and positives for each Time that you can. Because there is a season for every Time.
I found one of your cards today, one of the ones you left for me to find. Somehow, I always find them right when I need them. I guess you are just magic like that.
Your 1st year anniversary is coming up soon. I know it will be a hard day. There are so many difficult memories this month.
I didn’t know how I was going to make it after you passed. I knew I would, just didn’t know how. Or when. Those were some dark and sad days. And I was feeling mighty low.
You never get over losing your parents, but I think you would be proud of the progress I have made. It has been a long time. And so much hard work. I hope that you would be proud.
I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss you hugs. I miss eating boiled peanuts with you. And I miss you sharing your thoughts on what mattered. I miss your laugh and your one-line zingers and your quiet sense of humor.
A Blessing in the Chaos from Jan Richardson. Read it slowly and thoughtfully. God is in this my friends – if I know anything, I know that!
To all that is chaotic
in you,
let there come silence.
Let there be
a calming
of the clamoring,
a stilling
of the voices that
have laid their claim
on you,
that have made their
home in you,
that go with you
even to the
holy places
but will not
let you rest,
will not let you
hear your life
with wholeness
or feel the grace
that fashioned you.
Let what distracts you
cease.
Let what divides you
cease.
Let there come an end
to what diminishes
and demeans,
and let depart
all that keeps you
in its cage.
Let there be
an opening
into the quiet
that lies beneath
the chaos,
where you find
the peace
you did not think
possible
and see what shimmers
within the storm.
I read this in my memories tonight and it resonated. At the time I posted that, there was so much chaos that it was hard to hear God’s voice, or anything, above the noise. I was clamoring for somethung, anything, to hold onto.
But my hands werr getting burned from holding the rope so tight, so I let go. And I breathed….and prayed, and cried and worked hard.
Finally, I can sit in a still room and hear not the clamoring, but thw beautiful silence of Peace. Finally, the chaos has ended. Finally.
And when the chaos is gone, other things can be heard. Like joy. Like love. Like trust. Yes, those sacred things make a sound, that the heart does not miss when it comes.
And so it goes, on this peaceful night. My soul finally is centered, followed by the heart and mind. Amd it shimmers.
This is takem from a blog I wrote in 2012. My mother, who was nursing me through a broken heart, once told me about deep spaces within us, and how they become so deep…
Life is messy. We have to, in our lifetime, deal with betrayal, lies, heartache and false friends. But in the end, those that try to harm us and hurt us only make us stronger. Better. And they hate that. The best revenge truly is simply being happy and living a fabulous life. And when you move on, happy and confident, it is your life returned to you. And each time we feel pain, we feel it a little deeper in our soul, until we are the beautiful, complex works of art we were meant to be. But life must carve out those deep spaces in us first. -Ada
Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” – Buddha
Tonight was about decorating the Christmas tree and the house. It has been a busy week, but finally some time was found for the tradition. And as my nephew and went through all the Christmas decoration boxes, unpacked the ornaments and decorated the tree, I could not help but feel a bittersweet tinge.
The first Christmas without my father, the second without Mom, and the first without both of them. It felt surreal to put all the ornaments that I remember seeing as a child. I told my nephew some funny stories about a few of them, and which ones were his grandmother’s favorite, which ones where bought at which places, and some stories behind a few of them.
And the stockings are hung, the lights are out, the Christmas candle holders, candles, figurines, places mats, table cloths and more. We listened to the Christmas carols as we put everything out.
The torch has been passed on to me – the traditions, the decorations, the stories. I only hope that I make them proud, but I think they are happy as they look down. I am at the last part of the grief process – acceptance. I will take my place, as they would want.
I will miss them terribly this Christmas, and all others to come, but I still must celebrate life and love. And I remember how terrible the holidays were last year and am suddenly thankful that is all in the past.
As I close out this year, this terrible, hard, painful year, I am also thankful for the good times there have been. I am thankful for the family, for the friends and for the love I have witnessed. I am thankful for new love and new beginnings in new chapters. I look forward to the wonderful opportunities ahead. I look forward to kisses under the mistletoe, naughty hot chocolate with friends, and life in general. This Christmas is about saying goodbye in the best way, and saying hello to everything coming.
And maybe that is the gift of this holiday season, with this tree, and these ornaments and this life. Maybe it is the chance for happiness and all of my dreams to come true. They loved my with all of their hearts, and loved me enough for a lifetime. And I will love my life and all those in it with all of my heart.
We all have insecurities and vulnerabilities That is part of being human, and going through the human Experience. Every one of us have had “fat days”, bad hair days, bad make up days, or just days were we felt like we looked horrible. Men feel it too, seeing small fit guys on TV, or running around their office. Let’s face it, all of us know that none of us are perfect.
And yet there is almost a need to remind people of their flaws, hitting those insecurities and vulnerabilities right on the head. The worst is when it happens to kids. But adults get it too.
I recently saw a speech that musician Pink made when she accepted the Vanguard award. She talked about how her hdaughter said that she felt like the ugliest girl, because the kids said she looked like a boy with long hair…
Just another reason to love this artist. I swear she is my spirit animal and one of my insorations. Truth be told people have made fun of me all of my life too. I was always the strange one, always to one who was writing, or had the big vocabulary no could could really understand. But I refused to change. Why should I change because of someone else’s opinion of me? Who are they? And why should their opinion mean anything to me?
But more than anything that people love to say when finding fault and making fun of me, if the drama queen, over dramatic, brought it on yourself card.
There was victim blaming when I was attacked (6 years ago to the day today). I deserved it, there was something wrong with me, I brought is on myself, I asked for it and I was being dramatic when talked about how bad it was (never mind the pictures).
Fast forward to now, the most recent: My siblings telling me that I am just a drama queen causing trouble and bad things that have happened is life finally catching up to me. One telling me before Mom died that I was being overly dramatic and exaggerating – when I would beg them, someone, anyone to please, please, help me get Mom to a doctor because there was something wrong with her, she wasn’t eating and was becoming anorexic. I begged and said that if someone doesn’t help her, she will slowly starve herself to death and die from malnutrition.
And indeed she did, it is even listed as the cause of death on her death certificate. For three long years I warned everyone, while others made fun of me. And I did not change.
And my most recent ex, accused me of being a drama queen when I was so upset that he cheated on me with prostitutes and strippers. Called me a drama queen when I said I had to go to the funeral home to see my father’s body and to please do not have my utilities turned off the day after Dad died. And I did not change.
So let me make this very clear to those of you who read this blog on a regular basis and all others who made fun of me – Do you see me changing to please you? Do you see me not telling the truth? Do you see me shying away from telling my thoughts or opinions? Do you see me not talk about the things and people in my life on this blog? Do you see me change the way I conduct my life? Do you see me change my writing style? No?
Do you see me living a happy life? Do you see me smiling? Do you see me following my dreams? Do you see me being a successful writer, who makes a great living (and who now has a book deal)? Do you hear me sing because my soul is light and happy? Do you see me glowing and laughing and working on projects that I only want to work on? YES.
So I’ll cash my checks and place my bets And hope I’ll always win Even if I don’t I’m f*cked because I live a life of sin But it’s alright I don’t give a damn I don’t play your rules, I make my own Tonight I’ll do what I want Cause I can- : Pink – ‘cuz I Can Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Because, as Pink said, we, those who are made fun of, do not change. We become what inspires change in others. We, by standing strong and firm in the comfort of our own skin, our own mind, our own knowledge of ourselves, make the rest of the world see that they need to have more compassion and understanding.
And indeed, I get messages every week about those who have read my words and been inspired. It is my honor and privily to inspire, to create, to make someone think or feel or discuss.
To those of you who tear others down to make yourselves feel better – Take a seat. Work on yourselves so that one day you too have peace and are comfortable within yourself. And then maybe you will see the many different kinds of beauty in others and in the world.
Here is a little secret, I don’t care what you say or think, because I am too busy living a great life, surrounded by amazing people who love me. So those who say bad and disparaging things about me, please continue. You not only have my permission but my blessing as well. If that is the most constructive thing you can find to do in this world, if I am the best thing you have to talk about…then that is sad. And I do not change.
And to all those like me who have been made fun of, or picked on or had your vulnerabilities exposed and exploited so that they felt better about themselves…YOU are beautiful. YOU are perfect. YOU are enough. Don’t change for them. They know nothing about you, your soul, your depth or your life. So you go on being your bad ass self. And one day, I promise you, you will find your tribe, your people who will love you just the way you are. In the meantime, dazzle the world…
You being you can change the world. Your drum, your thoughts, your beauty, your wonder, you, yourself, are so much more powerful and beautiful than you know.
And as for me, life continues on as has. We all reach a point jn life where things are steadilt headed up, at a nice uphill angle. Hard enough to be challenging so we dint get board, but not so steep it is impossible.
What I want now is what I wanted twp years ago: love and companionship. That which whom I can build something larger than myself. Someone with whim I am equally yoked.
And it starts with me. So I listed everything that I am which I also want to attract. And here, at the family compound where love is tangible, I have to smile. Love should be easy. It should feel good. It should make you free not tie you down.
I look for someone worthy of my time and affection. A good man who can handle a strong woman. Someone I can lavish with affection and kisses. Someone to spoil me and take care of me in wonderful ways. Not a fantasy, but real in the flesh.
Someone patient who will allow me to be vulerable in their presence, because thet make me feel safe. A man with honor who isn’t afraid to walk the line.
So as for me, I will be watching and waiting, living and laughing until God sees it is time in His perfect wiadom. I want to know what love is. My heart is open, my mind is ready and the time is right.
We all have a period rebuilding after a rough time. You have come through the other side of whatever it was ans you are ready to be happy, ready to live life to it’s fullest.
I planted a garden on the anniversary of Mom’s death. She loved plants and it is a good way to honor her, to plant a garden with the seeds she gave me to plant. I went to check the garden today and there were tiny little sprouts. Flowers, new life, rising up from the dirt and the grime, reaching up to the sun, up to God, to bloom and give beauty. But first that seed has to make up it’s mind to grow, even in the dark, even when there is no promise of the sun.
And so you do. You decide that’s that and you proceed. No wonder my mother loved plants and said she felt God’s Grace and miracles as she worked in the garden.
And this is where I find myself, proceeding. I have the little life that could…and it will be a big life, full of love and everything that makes me happy.
I found this in my Facebook memories today. It was very a very timely and relevant message. While I am nor getting married, the message is as if Mom reached down ans whispered in my ear.
Happiness is a decision. At some point you shed the skin of the past and you let go of the anger and disappointment, and heartbreak. You decide to be happy anyway. And you do. And that is the message I got.
Hi Mom,
One of the things I miss are the phone calls…I would call you when I had a minute during the day. Today is one of the days I would call you, tell you about where I am working and what I am doing.
I would tell you about how they have big hammocks and couches outside, how I am right above the studios and that the people here are really nice. And that I sit close to an Emmy Award. I would tell you about the blue hair lady I saw in the elevator this morning (literally) and the other lady with white hair…with pink and purple polka dots.
And I would tell you that I am doing good. That I am truly getting back to happy. And I would tell you how much I appreciate how much you and Daddy did for me, and how well you taught me how to handle the world. And how you and Dad are the best example of good human beings I have ever seen. And I would tell you that you are magic, and always have been
Thank you for being such a strict parent when I was younger and my best friend when I was older…And that even though I am glad that the profound grief is over, that I never want to stop missing you. Because missing you is a testament to what a great parent you were, and how much love with which you served. Missing you means honoring your memory and our close relationship.
Most of all Mom, I would tell you that I love and and miss you. Tell Dad I love and miss him too. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being magic.
I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.
Sitting at the family compound, it is quiet and still. It is just me here, no others until morning. And something has happened that has not happened before:
The sadness is gone. This is my house, built with their love. I am the keeper of it, for now. And it feels good. It feels right. It feels happy.
I know this place is love. And I am blessed to be here. I am happy and optimistic about the future. For the first time in a long time.
I feel my old self coming back. My smile, my heart, my happiness, my joy. I lost those things for a minute, but here there are, smiling back at me. I want to be silly and whimsical, I want to do the happt dance, make jokes and take chances. I want to love my life. And so I shall.
Who knows what the future holds, but I know, because I have Faith, that is will be good. The momentum has started. God brought me this far, blessings are around the corner.
As I climbed at the hills and up the stairs in the rain, and I felt my body screen from the exercise, I felt my muscles ache and jerk unsure of my next steps. But I kept on going is the rain drenched me I could feel it all over me, first in my hair then on my face and the back of my neck and finally on my clothes. And yet I still climbed. And as I lost my breath I still kept pushing forward. And I imagined the rain as my parents unconditional love pouring down on me.
I pushed even further until I got to the stairs, I’ll 675 of them. And I pushed and I pushed and I pushed Step by step. Up further and further and further even past my aching legs even passed my burning lungs, passed my quivering knees. And I push my body past all the pain of this past year.
I pushed it past seeing Mom suffering, I pushed passed breaking my own heart to tell her it was okay to let go and leave us. I pushed forth the pain of holding her hands and stroking her hair as she took her last breath, I pushed passed the pain of making all the arrangements, completely lost and overwhelmed and unsure of what I was doing. I pushed the pain and confusion and frustration and exhaustion.
I pushed forward passed all the fights that my ex and I had due to all the pain and frustration and exhaustion and taking care of my father that in new relationship couldn’t couldnt recover from the strain. I pushed past once again holding my parents hand and telling them telling my father that if he wanted to let go and be with my mother that it was okay to let go. I pushed forward the incredible pain of having the love of my life leave 2 weeks before my father died, I pushed forward to past the pain of my ex being so cruel after my father passed and refusing to assist in any way. I pushed forward the pain of finding out to be cheated on me with hookers and strippers, and again past the pain of finding out that he cheated on me once again with his new and latest flavor.
I passed forward the pain of planning my father’s memorial service, I passed forward to pain of being an executor of the will, I passed the pain of grief and loneliness and of confusion.
And as I push forward through the pain of all of that, of my body exhausted, lungs burning knees shaking,
And I cried. As I sobbed my salty tears ran down my cheeks and joined the pure, beautiful water of the raindrops that fell on my face. And I like to think that it was my parents love that was gently wiping away my tears.
And when I got up to the top, the Sun was shining. And I walked up and I listened to the sound of the waterfall and I looked at the trees and wind and the sun shining off The damp leaves and I smiled.
And then I looked up and very very briefly there was a rainbow.
You see on the drive up there, I asked them to please give me a sign, something I knew was just for me to let me know that they were still here watching over me on today one of the most difficult days in a long time. And there was this beautiful rainbow.
And I took a picture of it and almost shared it on this blog, but then I thought no, this little Rainbow is just for me just from them.
And I remember what they taught me: That no matter how difficult the time or no matter who hurts you, your life is bigger than that. Also every drop of water is a miracle, life is a miracle. So choose love. Choose to live life with purpose and do not let anyone disturb your PEACE.
Editors Note: the words “past” and “passed” are used intentionally.
Also, yes I have more “walks with Mom, up to the current day, but have not piblished them.yet.
AdaLamar's Blog 
You must be logged in to post a comment.