Portraits of Self

I wrote this a few years ago. Enjoy!

In light of all the doom and gloom that has been going around lately, here is a new note. If one person can laugh at my clumsiness, then my work is done… 😉 Enjoy and have a good chuckle…

It sounds sexy – the idea of taking provocative photos for your spouse/significant other. However, reality often times is not as glamorous as our imagination. Welcome to my world, the world of a clumsy girl trying to be a little bit sexy.

I fixed my hair, put on make up, a fantastic outfit and great shoes. I looked hot. Then came the ardent task of setting my little point and shoot camera up on the back of a chair because I have no tri-pod. Then trying to figure out the zoom level, the timer settings, and the flash. Then it seemed that all was ready. Somehow, when I imagined this in my mind, it did not include all the back and forthing, tripping, falling and general misadventure. The shooting session went something like this:

Set the 10 second timer, run to the spot in 5″ stilettos, figure out a pose, only to have the camera take the shot when I was moving. Run over to the camera, look at the fuzzy, awkward shot of me not ready, delete photo. Reset the camera and timer, run back to the spot, try the pose again. Run back to the camera, look at the shot (Jeeze, Am I really THAT pale??). Notice the bad angle and delete. Again. Reset everything and trip over the cat running back to spot, twist ankle in the shoes. Take photo of me flailing, on the way down to the floor, with an expression of pain and panic. Limp back to camera, reset shot. Again.

I decide to reset the flash this time to decrease the pale pasty look of having no tan for 20 years….and end up flashing myself in the eye and am blinded as I stumbled back to the spot. Do manage to smile for the shot…and am blinded by the super bright flash once again. Walk back to camera, trip over piece of floor due to blindness, fall on face and cause delicately balanced camera to fall off the back of the chair and onto the back of my head. Ouch.

Get up, spend 10 minutes resetting camera position, flash, and timer. Decide to just shoot the pics and check them out afterward. So, take several shots and am very pleased with myself. I let my inner Tyra Banks out to play. I was FIERCE. Yes, I have the hang of this. I. Am. Sexy. I own it. Check the camera only to find my cat in every shot. How did I not notice she was about 3 inches away from me, with her rump facing the camera in full view?

Erase all pictures, put camera away, and drink bottle of wine.

Party of 75

It was two months of planning in secret. Secret calls and emails, incognito communication and code words. It was finding a venue, looking over the menu, picking the band, ordering the cake, getting the decorations, and coming up with a story. And it was all done by my wonderful man for his father’s surprise 75th birthday party. And it was marvelous.

My man came up with the idea and it was a big hit. He contacted friends from 20 years ago or longer, all the way up to the most recent. He poured over every single detail, making sure it was all in place and on schedule. It was fun to be his little helper, doing the things he needed to make sure his father never knew..

And it was getting the house ready for all of the company. So many boxes were still unpacked, and family was coming from out of town to stay for the weekend. Fifty boxes of books to be unpacked, sorted, place on shelves. Pictures were hung and furniture that remained was moved in to fill the spaces and rooms. And it was marvelous. And exhausting. And inspiring. And all that work has been the spring board for the plans we have now.

And then the family came into town. And there was laughing and conversations, and showing the house, and cooking and eating and getting to know everyone better. And anticipation of the party. As I fixed and put out snacks and hors d’oeuvres, I used my mother’s dishes, platters, plates and snack forks, I thought of her. I missed her greatly in that moment. There were always gatherings growing up, and she always made sure she had the proper things about. She would have been proud of me, I think, zipping around, with all the delish treats, using the things she gave me. And I hope she was smiling.

And then it was here. And his father was overwhelmed with surprise as he smiled and hugged those he loved but had not seen for many years. and there was more laughter, and drinks and dancing, and cake.

And that is the thing when you have a family man in your life. There are always gatherings, always love, always relatives close by, always sharing.

Life is short, too short to be isolated and never have any one over. Too short for lonely nights with no family. So celebrate every moment you have with those you love. Make it loud and fun and memorable.

The Buzz of Spring

Today there is a buzz in the air. As the days get a little longer every day, the temperatures also start to rise. and slowly, nature wakes up from her Winter slumber. It is Spring and there is an excitement in the air that is tangible. It is the promise of the new, with warm days and cool nights. It is the promise of buds growing from dormant brown stems, reaching up to the morning sun and stretching into the afternoon.

And for me this Spring hold so much about which to be excited. There is everything with the new house, concerts, trips to see family, birthday parties, time with my love out on the patio, making plans and discussing life. There will be conversations and laughter by the firepit drinking wine, and smiles with friends while sharing stories. There is planting and garden with new flowers and vegetables and herbs, to make the yard a fragrant place of life, color and wonderful scents as blooms shine in the sun. It is the promise of hard work and good times.

Why is it that this time of year inspires such gentle excitement? Maybe it’s because everything is waking up from hibernation and starting new. Maybe it is all the fresh life around us that makes us want to smile. maybe it’s the warmer weather setting in so we can spend time outside in the fresh air, after being inside for the cold. Maybe it is the signal of growth before the summer, when the sun peaks out and we know that the seeds we plant to day, whether it’s a garden, or studies, or for our careers, it will pay off and grow during this season.

Find what excites you the most and makes you feel the best about each part of the year. Find what makes you smile and what makes you feel most alive. This is especially true if you are going through a bit of a tough time, because as corny as it sounds, finding those little things in each season will help because it gives you something to look forward to, even if just a few moments. A lifetime can be lived in the moments, and the moments in between.

Life is short. Feel the buzz and find the magic of Spring.

In the Wake of…

In the wake of being busy and getting things ready; in the wake of cleaning and prepping and talking and doing; in the wake of cooking and watching and snuggling and living; in the wake of anticipation and hanging and decorating and laughing, I haven’t been writing much. Its not that I have nothing to write about, quite the opposite. It’s that for the first time in many years that I am too busy doing happy things to sit by the computer and type.

But, in this wake of this realization, it is bittersweet. Because I love writing, I love being a writer, and I love putting thoughts down into relatable stories.

In the Wake of…

What has been going on in the world, and watching the news and listening to leaders around the world; in the wake of seeing the footage and hearing the stories and talking to friend that have families where bombs are dropping; in the wake of looking at balances and planning for what’s to come, I hold my loved ones a little tighter and sniggle a little more. I take more time to talk to friends, really talk, about how we are all doing. I appreciate this life I have been given. with all of these amazing blessings, and I just want to freeze time, just for a moment, to imprint these memories in my mins so as not to forget a single second. And I pray, oh how I pray, every day, every morning, every night, every afternoon.

In the Wake of…


5 to Life

Hi Dad, It’s me.

Today marks 5 years since you died. It’s so hard to believe it’s been that long since I have hugged you, seen your smile. heard you funny jokes. But here we are. So much has changed in my life, and in the world, since you left. I wonder what you think of it all when you look down and see? I am sure you laugh at all the silly things I do. But I hope you are proud of the life I created since you and Mom left.

I am happy and have created a wonderful life full of love and amazing people. I wish you could meet them, one in particular.

Today is a day I will try to celebrate instead of being sad. I miss you so much, but will celebrate that you are with Mom and that is always only where you wanted to be, with Mom, the love of you life. I will celebrate that you are with the Lord, to whom you prayed and faithfully worshipped. I will celebrate all that you taught me. I will celebrate our wonderful memories, of which there are many. I will celebrate that I had such a wonderful father, who loved me enough to last my entire lifetime. And when tears run down my cheek today, I will remind myself to celebrate that my father and I loved each other enough for me to miss him when he is gone.

But most of all Dad, I will celebrate you, and your life. Love you so much, and miss you always. Hug Mom for me. And please visit me in my dreams.