I was talking to a young woman several years go, as she lamented on her exhaustion in keeping herself up while dating. She had to go to the gym to make sure that she was fit and had a nice figure, she had to keep her hair style up, her legs shaved, her clothes sexy and nice shoes as well. Make up had to be done at all given times and it was just a lot of work. She finally sighed and said “I can’t wait to be married so i can let myself go.”

While it is tempting to let ones self go when you have found The One, I have yet to find that to be useful. On the other side of the spectrum was my mother, she said that for the first 2 years of being married to my Dad, she would get up early every morning and do her hair and make up, so Dad would never see her without. She quit after those two yes because dad said that it really wasn’t necessary.

But somewhere, in this day and age of being the most beautiful isn’t enough, girls younger than 20 getting Botox and lip injections (which is ridiculous), the Kardashians and Cardi B, there must be a middle ground. But where?

I think it is where ever you say it is, but you must first be comfortable in your own skin, in your own face, with all of your imperfections. Because it is our imperfections, our flaws that make us our most beautiful, and our most human. So I do not understand the obsession with having no wrinkles and the biggest lips on the block.

With that being said, I keep myself up more now than ever. Mostly of r myself, but being attractive to my partner is also a motivation. But I have a rule that if I wouldn’t do it for myself, then I will not do it for him. Because I like myself just the way I am. And that confidence is sexy.

When I lived alone, Maybe I would brush my hair that day, maybe not. Maybe I would dress in actual clothes and not pajamas, maybe not. Maybe I would take a shower that day (because I also work form home), maybe not. And I would shove my legs when I had a date.

And now, I still may be in my Daytime PJs when he gets home, or I may be in a pair of jeans, or I might be in a dress, or even an evening gown. When he opens the door he has no idea what might be waiting for him. But no matter what, I feel sexy and beautiful and desirable. I do make sure shower every day (Don’t judge, I know you ladies who work from home now Exactly what I am talking about). I shave my legs on a regular basis, and I make sure to use lotion so that I am soft and smell good at all times.

Because, again ladies, when we live on our own, it’s like we are in the jungle. No one is around, so who cares if you use silverware? Or if you put on make up? Or if you are wearing mis-matched socks? And working remote because of Covid has made us all a bit…feral.

But then again, there is a middle ground between fuzzy headed- wild-child in PJs, and waking up early to apply make up and false lashes. That middle ground were we do dress like women, in sexy clothes with good hair and make up, but maybe not every day. Some days, depending on work load and whatever else is going on, I do good to take a shower and brush my teeth. Other days, I might slink around the house in that evening gown, with painted toes and fingers.

But no matter what, celebrate those flaws and imperfections. And find a partner who loves them too. Find someone who will sometimes stay in his PJs all day with you. Find someone with whom you care share that middle ground. Because otherwise it will drive you crazy trying to be “perfect'” because that seems to change every day. And really, who can afford that many lip injections?

Life is short. Don’t waste it by trying to live up to someone else’s standard of beauty. We are now erasing centuries of an ancestors by not accepting what we look like, and seeing it as beautiful. I love my face and my body, because it represents my family. I love when people say I look like my Mom, because she was beautiful, just as she was. And I LOVE looking like her. And I would never want to erase her from the way Iook. So let yourself go enough and be free to love who you are.