The Merriest of Days

It is Christmas and soon it will be new years, with all the new has to promise. And in this day, this time, my heart is happy. I do still miss my parents and family that has been recently lost. And I do still miss my dear friends I left behind. But here is still joy to be had. I love this life in this space that I have created, that has been created just t for me. I love my tiny family that is here, with this move. And now my world is filled with love and laughter and hope and dreams and laughter and playfulness and everything good.

And I cannot hide my big smile and excitement for this Christmas, the best Christmas is about 5 years. How things have changed. Christmas of 2015 was wrought with both my parents declining health and increased strife as they tried to do for themselves when they could barely get out of bed. the the year after, the first Christmas without Mom, then the first without Dad. Just two years ago I had closed on the family compound and finally closed the chapter of that family struggle. And I walked away from what had given me heartache. And then last Christmas, a year ago today actually, I showed up a day early to surprise my ex…and found him drunk and partying with his frat boy friends. He had been sober for 3 months, and never quit drinking after that. He was livid that I had caught him and through me out with no where to go at Christmas.

How my life has improved sine then, since all of those Christmases. Never again will I face such unpleasantness during this the most merriest of days. Never again. From now on, there is only love, only happiness that lights my path. And even in a year like this one, with all the craziness that has been 2020, it has still been infinitely better here than it ever was there. And my heart smiles and sings as the presents are wrapped and placed under the tree. I miss my loved ones and friends dearly, and will travel to see them soon. Until then. I love my life here, as it is and with all those around me.

Life is short. And it is time to celebrate all the love that is waiting for us, all the dreams that are just around the corner, all the possibilities of what is in front of us and just beyond the horizon. And because of this, it is the merriest of days.