The Wedding

One of my best friends got married recently. They have been togwther for aboit 3 years. He propsed a little while ago and they eloped this past weekend. It is always wonderful when,those you loce are happy. It is wonderful when someone they love sees how special, and amazing they are and treats them accordingly.

Tonight my heart is joyous knowing she is happy.

The Measure of a Man

My father was a great man by all accounts. And he taught me how to measure the worth of a man by example. Indeed, how you take care of your children and the mother of your children says a lot about you as a human being and your level of integrity. For instance, my father had three children by his first wife. After my parents died I found out that because my father’s first wife was so routinely unfaithful, there was more than a chance that the three children were not his.

And yet, he never mentioned this and he paid his child support as he should have, even twice in many occasions. He went above and beyond in making sure they had what they needed, paying for braces and trips to England for them. He did this quietly and never talked bad about their mother to the kids, no matter how many horrible things she said about him. Not only that, my father took care of 63 foster children. He never knew what he was coming home to, ow how many children would be there. But he took it all in stride, playing with them and talking with them and being a male figure in their lives that they could count on. The foster kids called them Jimdad and GennyMom.

Fast forward to this day and age. One of my best friend’s husbands left her, but not after cleaning out and closing all of the bank accounts, leaving her with nothing. No explanation of why he left, and no way to pay the household bills or bills that HE ran up on her credit. He was horrible with money and spent them into a whole every time she managed to get them out, and then would blame her, making her feel guilty. He took the cowards way out. Even if you no longer love her, you have the integrity to have the conversation of your intentions and decide the best way to move forward in a way that is fair.

My most recent ex, the alcoholic ex-financial executive, also behaved similarly. When he left his last ex w-wife, he cleaned out their joint account and she went to the court and ordered everything put back until after the divorce. He fought her on paying child support and custody. And I saw him regularly get drunk while watching his other children, to the point where he he was slurring his words, not able to walk and definitely could not drive if anything happened to his boys. He used the fact that he made a lot of money to control his first ex-wife because she couldn’t afford to fight him and he would refuse to supplement her income if she didn’t do as he wanted – including le

He left a woman pregnant with his child, refusing to communicate his intentions with her, except to say he was moving on with another woman. And he even killed a woman drunk driving when he was 20, and continued to drink after that.

I think of these two examples of “men.” And I think that they are not men at all. Because being a man is more than age and being able to screw. It is more than having a job or even earning a lot of money so you can Wisk your latest piece of ass around the world to beautiful beaches. It isn’t having a lot of power to screw people over if you want. And it isn’t intimidating and controlling people with money, not is it refusing to talk or communicate. No, those things are what cowards do, not men.

A man is standing up for what is right and fair, even when you are leaving. A man is someone who doesn’t have to beat his chest, or spend money to impress others….Basically a man shouldn’t have to be told how to be a man by the time he gets to my age. If he does, then he is a failure as a human being.

And that is why I am so very thankful for the man I have in my life, who takes care of those he loves, who loves children and who has a strong sense of integrity. He is the God father to a wonderful little girl, and the adopted “uncle” to three others when there was no father figure. He loves all of them and makes sure to be there for birthdays, holidays and in general for whatever those kids need or want. Not because he has to, or even because he should, but because he is so much of a man that he wants to.

Yes, he is a Man. And an example of what a man should be, as he leads by example his actions and attitude. I have never heard him speak bad against any ex, I have never heard him disrespect a woman in any way. I very thankful for him and that I had such a a strong, wonderful father to teach me by example of what a man should be. And I am thankful for my man’s father, for teaching him by example of what a man should be as well. You can always tell those who had horrible examples…

Life is short. The measure of a man is not how much money he makes, how much power he has, how tall he is. The measure of a man is how he takes care of his children and those who love him. Indeed it is a Little man who doesn’t take care if his children. Women, know the difference and don’t be fooled by fools gold.