Weote this a year ago. The plan was always to leave after 2 years…but sometimes you just need a sign.
There is a saying that God will place you exactly where you need to be. Many times in life we pray for direction, for wisdom and help in making decisions. And then we must get still and listen to the voice of God. Or sometimes the answer to our prayers will be so loud that we cannot miss them. But sometimes even then we do not listen.
What I have found is that things are more difficult, or simply don’t work out at all, when I do not listen to the answers that should be more than obvious. So I have learned the hard way to listen. When I started praying as to whether or not I should move or stay in place, I made an extra prayer to “please God, make it extremely clear, something I cannot miss because you know that I do not get hints.”
God listened and answered. Loudly. He answered in a text from my landlord stating that they would not be renewing the current rental lease. That made it pretty clear, thanks.
And so I must go. I must plan and place and pack and pray and move and leave. I must find a new place to call home. And that is the thing about life – it is always developing. Your story is always being written because your life continues to be lived. You never know what paths, twists or turns or events that might take place, so you have to enjoy every minute of where you are right now.
Keeping that in mind I look around at where I am. This place, this house, has been my safe place and my sanctuary for the last two years. When I came here I was broken, actually shattered, from such devastating loss and grief. But I have rebuilt myself, slowly filled in the cracks with tears that flowed and seasoned into steadfast love. There has been healing, building, trying, failing, hoping, praying, crying, working, resting and much, much more. It is here, inside and protected by these walls, that I have learned to breath again. I have learned to feel joy in the sunlight and felt the determination of a stubborn heart.
It is here, in this house, in this yard, with these walls, that I have build a home, and felt love, given love, built love, built a life, out of nothing at all. It has been in this location that I have been so utterly tired and exasperated and hurt and lonely, that I had no where to turn but up to God, crying so fiercely that only He could understand my whimpers.
And it is here, within these walls, inside these doors, along this staircase and hallway, that I found myself again. It is here, in this kitchen, that I found my soul again, and my joy, cooking for those friends I love. It is here that I found my smile again, hiding along the baseboards, seeking sunlight from the window. It is resting on these window panes, that I found my faith in myself again, as the tears rolled down my cheeks. And here that I danced in the rain, in the yard, letting my tears mingle with the raindrops, washing away the cold grime of grief.
It is this house, this gift from God, as he knew exactly where I needed to be two years ago, from where this Phoenix shall rise and fly again; joyful, beautiful, faithful and free. Yes, it is here where I found my happiness again. Where I found my new family, my nourishment and my strength for this next amazing chapter.
And soon it will be time for me to rise up and fly, always thankful for the blessings and safeties of here.
Life is short. Find where you are safe. Find where you are loved. It is there where you will find what you need. And always know that home is where you make it, where you build it and where you love it.