La Petit Update

Writing here has been a bit minimum. Life gets so busy that sometimes I don’t always have the time to update this space. Not often. But sometimes. And isn’t that just the way things go? I find that life is cyclical.

This cycle is quite busy. And wonderful. And amazing. And more. This is not only a time of tremendous building. but of doing as well. In a time when I thought life would be slow because of the pandemic, I find myself busier than ever.

Indeed there are plans in the making, running here and there, making sure that all is lining up and everything that is needed is supplied. There is saving and shopping, looking and hearing, lots of strategy and talking. so many wonderful plans are in the works that sometimes I have to pinch myself.

When I moved for a fresh start, I remember thinking to myself that I would find my heart here, I would find what will make me happy for the rest of my life. This is where I need to be and what I need to be doing. And I have prayed and worked hard, played hard and rested hard. Indeed there has been balance and healing and loving and learning and knowing, that deep down, where the heart meets the mind and walks with the soul, that this time in my life is the most magic.

Life is short. Use is wisely. Have fun. And have faith.

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Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times. – Martin Luther

I think this life is a daily exercise of faith. And that is in the daily task of leaning more on His grace than our understanding. It is trusting in God’s timing even when we want things now. And that is where I am now.

I have decided what I want, and now it is a matter of trusting God in His timing. It is working hard and making sure that the foundation is set for growth and a solid life, and trusting that is will all work out not just OK, but spectacularly.

First, I prepare. Then I have faith. – Joe Nameth

And isn’t that one of the hardest things in life? We can plan, work and write down our goals, but that does not always guarantee success. And it is human nature to want to control things, to want to control what will be. It is hard to let go after pouring your blood, sweat, tears and life onto something. But we must do our best then let go of the outcome, happy with our efforts one way or another.

I have been guilty of trying to force things into where I want them.

So I plan and work hard and have faith. My dreams are getting closer and closer, and that is exhilarating. I walk in the knowledge that wonderful is lining up. I am making the goal board, saying prayers, working hard and having faith.

It will happen right when it should, which hopefully won’t be too long. And those who make fun of our faith because they don’t understand? Don’t worry about them. Leave them along to stew in their lonely world and move on with yours.

Life is short. Plan. Prepare, Work hard. then let it go and have faith.

House of Love

“Home is the starting place of love, hope and dreams.”

It has been said, and I do believe, that is is not the size of a house that matters but rather the love that is contained withing the walls. Growing up there was always an abundance of love as we had a very close family. We all sat down to family dinners every night, we had family movie night and played games as well. There was never a lot of fighting, unless it was between my sister and I. The two of us fussing over who used the last towel or didn’t replace the toilet paper roll was pretty normal. And Mom and Dad made sure that we knew how much they loved us.

And everyone who set foot in our house felt it as well. We always had a houseful of guests, kids and foster children. Mom also knew how to decorate and design a room so that you felt warm and welcome when you walked in. It didn’t hurt that there was always a fresh pot of coffee and delicious home cooked food available at all times.

Indeed, I learned a lot about how to make friends feel welcome in a house. And I learned what made a house a home, a real home.

“Home is where love resides, memories are created, friends always belong, and laughter never ends.”

An interesting thing happened this week. I got an email that the house my ex bought was for sale. Apparently when you favorite a property it sends you a notice if it goes back on the market with in 12 months. This time last year, almost to the day, he was moving from the DC area to stay with me while we looked for a house in Houston. The house that was bought was wonderful, and huge. A 4,100 square feet monstrosity with 5 bedrooms, an an office, a game-room, a three car garage with a workshop and a fully landscaped yard. The house truly was magnificent.

I never moved in and had only been to the house a few times before we broke up. Of course curiosity got the better of me and I clicked the link in the email. It was strange clicking through the pictures and remembering all the plans for decorating the kids rooms and such. But mostly it was sad.

Here was this amazing and beautiful house…that was never a home. It was just a place he slept. And got drunk. And yelled at his kids when they would stay. He never unpacked, as there were still boxes exactly where I remembered. I even saw glasses where I had placed them, and my shampoo still in the shower. Nine months he had been in that house.

And I was immediately thankful for my Home. It is not near as grand or fancy, but it is full of love and laughter and great memories and fully unpacked. I have been in my place six months, and it feels more like home than any place I have been in a long time. I would rather be here, in my little sanctuary from the harsh world, than anywhere else.

“There is nothing more important than a good, safe, secure home.”

I have had friends here and they all talk about how warm my house feels, and how they know they are welcome. Indeed, nothing and no one has ever harmed or hurt me here. Only those that I love and care for have entered. And outside of needing more drawers in the bathroom, I wouldn’t change anything about it. It is perfect, my house that is so full of love that it could burst.

From my wonderful neighbors to friends that have stayed, to loved ones who have my heart, this house is my home. It is where I hang my hat and lay my head and pray with all of my heart. It is where I have made my new beginning and my heart happy. And the next house I buy will be just the same, except more love.

Life is short. Know the difference between a house and a home. Because even the biggest mansion can be nothing more than a fancy prison if it contains no love inside.

The Fall of Change

“And all the lives we ever lived and all the lives to be are full of trees and changing leaves…” Virginia Woolf

The change is in the air as the mornings and evening starts to feel cooler. It is a subtle change here in the south, but if you are attentive, you can feel it, sense it. While we are still in the mid to low 90’s, that is better and cooler than it has been.

And at night, there is a little less humidity, and a little more chill. And this is the fall that I am looking forward to most. IT has been a long, hot summer. It has been a long, hot year for that mater. And all of the sudden, there is the promise of the cooler air, a nice breeze, and a bit if relaxing as we can get outside in much more comfort.

There is an excitement in the air as well. It is the sweet taste of anticipation. Because there is something magic about the Fall. It is the excitement of all that is coming, and the silent smiles from the memories of what has just passed. When things cool down and the windows can be opened and the air conditioning turned off. It seems to be when we breath a sigh of relief – the summer fun in over but it is the blissful time between the cold rush of the holidays.

And for me it is the start of many new adventures, as well as the wonderful continuation of others. Yes, this autumn shall be delicious and fun. I am already getting my long t-shirts and PJs ready. It is kisses in the wind, laughter in the sun, wishes in the sky and life settling in.

And in this time, when my heart is happy, it is the best season of all. Yes, it will be a busy fall, preparing for all the wonderful that is coming. And for that I am blessed and thankful.

Life is short. Enjoy the change. Drink it up like sweet cider to your lips.

Truth

Processing

There are times when life seems to be a big whirlpool – emotions, situations, people, and opportunities swirling around at the speed of light. It is enough to make a person dizzy.

The last few weeks have been a suspension of normal. There have been appointments and conversations, laughter, tears, anticipation, good news, bad news, visits, fun, trips, bad weather, smooth sailing, dark skies and everything in between. From finding out about a dear friend’s suicide that I cannot even begin to process, to seeing other wonderful friends, to going on trips, to planning the future, to finding out who an ex truly was, it has been sensory overload.

What to do when life gets a but too…confounding? I am not entirely sure, but what seems to work for me is to take a step back and breath. Take a few moments to process and digest all the information I have been given.

When we take time to process the world in front of us, we also take the time to listen to ourselves, our guts, so to speak. We take time to listen also to God’s voice. we gain perspective and valuation of our emotions, so that when we do act, or voice, or smile or cry or yell or dance, we will do it from our most authentic spaces. We also allow ourselves to feel and thus work through any disheartening events.

And so I take some steps, and a deep breath. I find a way to say goodbye to my dear friend. I celebrate great news of others. I celebrate my own good fortune. And thank God I dodged a huge bullet that would have left a hole in my heart.

Life is short. Take the time you need to process so that you can also take the time to enjoy the rest of life as it comes.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday Daddy! You would have been 84 today. If you were here I would have probably given you socks, for our tradition, and some kind of tool You always did like gadgets. And we would have eaten hot boiled peanuts as you drank your near beer.

It is hard to believe that it has been 3.5 years since I last saw you and heard your voice, hugged you. I am trying to live my life in a way that you would be proud. Can’t say that I always succeed. But I am also having a lot of fun.

You always said that you loved Texas, and I think you would love were I live. The area, neighborhood and neighbors are awesome. And you would enjoy talking and drinking a beer with them. I often think about looking up all your old fishing buddies. It would be fun to go with them and hear them tell stories of you. No doubt they would have many.

I am happy here Daddy and wish you could have seen it. But the world is so crazy now, maybe it is better that you are gone. I am not sure how you and Mom would do these days.

But I am flourishing here – even during the pandemic. Life isn’t perfect, but there is so much joy. I tried to do the garden and some things did grow…so there is that. I love my house and it is my sanctuary. Writing is going great.

I miss you. I miss your smile, your jokes, your laughter and your voice. I will always and forever be a Daddy’s girl. I love when you visit me in my dreams. You always give me encouraging messages, though never straight out. Being an engineer, you always hide them in riddles that make me think. So mischievous still. Still figuring out the last message but mostly it makes me smile. And maybe that was the purpose.

Love you. Miss you. Happy Birthday.