I wrote this in 2017 after losing both of my parents and eventually almost all of my family. I was lost to say the least, and searching for who I was. I had always been taught that family was the most important thing, and after losing so many I felt as if I had no roots to ground me. It is terrible to feel like you are aimlessly floating through life and the Universe. And that is from where this post came.
Today I am happy and grounded, secure in who I am and where life is taking me. But it is a journey when you are confused and searching. But when you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Today I am thankful to no longer be lost. I am also grateful for the time in the fog, as it aloowed me to grow, protected and sheltered, into the person I am today.
Pray with the Moon, Dance with the Sun
There are times in life when we do not know how it will actually turn out, but we hope and pray for what we need. We have to take a leap of faith and just believe that it will all work out OK. And it usually does. But that does not change worry and anxiety on how to get there.
This is where I am. There are a lot of wonderful things on the horizon, many opportunities and chances. And I know what I hope, what I need and what I want. And I am working toward those things every day. But it is cutting it close to the line and that is far outside of my comfort zone.
And I pray in the moonlight, when it is dark and quiet. When shadows are close and crickets are out. Where the soul meets the mind to talk to the heart, this is where I pray, in the light of moon. And I pour my heart and soul into life, one breath at a time. I work hard, play hard, pray hard and believe hard.
And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling. – Shanti
But there have been so many changes in the past year or so, so many goodbyes, so much loss. Life doesn’t look anything like it did a 12 or 18 months ago, and two years past seems like millions of miles behind me, and indeed it is. I am not the same person, this is not the same life. I have had to stand up, figure out and fight or defend in ways that I never thought I would. And in all of it, I have kept my ethics and dignity intact, my sanity is another story…
“Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.”
Life has a way of changing you, bending you, even if it does not break you. The ground shifts and you must adapt. Thinking on your feet can be a challenge when the rug has been jerked out from under you. So we may struggle to find our place, our part in the world. But what if when the dust settles we are where we are supposed to be all along? And all that worry and stress added nothing to the journey? In life, isn’t that usually how it turns out anyway? So just hold on for ride.
“When you are truly genuine there will invariably people who do not accept you. And is that case, you must be your own badass self, without apology.” – Katie Goodman
And what about those people who leave in the middle of your struggle or from whom you have to walk away? Don’t worry about them. Life is about a series of letting go, breathing in and moving forward. If they want to return to your life they will have to catch up. You can’t be bothered or concerned with them or their perception of you. That has been a hard one for me to learn. But if I tried to please everyone, I would lose myself, and that is never worth it.
There is a saying that worry steals all the joy out of the present moment. This is true. So how do you stop worrying? I am not exactly sure, but what has worked for me is a combination of prayer, meditation, faith and hard work. And the belief, no the knowledge, that everything will work out, somehow. You must make a decision to be happy as you reach your goals and make the life that you want.
Magic happens when you do not give up, even when you want to . The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart.
What if a little bit of worry still seeps in sometimes, with the ever present list of what ifs Believe anyway. Move forward anyway. Have faith anyway. Something will happen. And when it does, you can step out, into the sunlight and dance knowing that magic still exists. You just have to believe and have faith.