In Hindsight

I wrote this on August 19th, 2015. Five years and a thousand lifetimes ago. Before I lost my parents and several friends. Before I moved to a new state. Before a million moments that have taken my breath away, given me joy, made me cry and broken my heart. Before rebuilding my life and self. Before all of everything that I have and hold oh so dear. Before I found the happiness that I have now. Enjoy!

Hindsight

Know why I am so hard on you, why I demand so much? Because I have walked through the fires in the pits of Hell and by the Grace of God, have come through just fine.  So if you are going to be in my life, be damn present.

I have earned the right to have someone present. I have earned the right to be loved. I have earned the right to matter.  I have earned the right to be comforted. I have earned the right to be cherished.

There is so much you take for granted because you do not even see the brilliance of the human being in front of you.

I have a good life built on the solid foundation of my heart.  And I have done all this, every bit, with no comfort. No arms. No warmth to hold me. It has all been alone.

Strength borne of the basic need to survive and protect those most loved.  A steel inner core tempered by flames, cooled by God’s compassion. A depth you need not understand because it is, by its very nature, beyond your comprehension.

Step aside, I see that is what I should have said long ago in hindsight.