Fast Forward, Rewind and Play

The memories come up on my Facebook, and I do take that walk down the lane. Most of the memories are good and make me smile. Some are of friends and loved ones who are gone. And some of them make me releiaze how far I have come in this life.

And example is when I first started my company and struck our writing, on my own, full time. It was during the recession and most thought I was crazy. Indeed , those first years were very slim. Add to that the fact that I was putting my nephew through college during that time. And now I am established and successful in my writing.

My favorite part is to look at where I was a year ago, every year. Rewind to a year ago and I was helping my then cheating, alcoholic, ex financial executive, boyfriend get sober and pack up his house to move in with me while he figured out his life and tried to relocate to Texas.

What a difference a year makes.

Today I have relocated myself and am blissfully happy with where I am and what life is now. I have a happy home, a wonderful garden, amazing friends here, and I have carved out a fantastic space. I have traveled and lived, laughed and loved. Hard to believe so much can happen in 365 short days. I am not the same person I was a year ago, thank goodness.

Fast forward to a year from now, and I am excited about where life will be. What wonderful things will happen between now and then? What will I learn and experience and see? What amazing times will I have my family? Hopefully Covid will be done and I will be taking trips to visit those I love and preparing for my 30th high school reunion, among other things.

The future is unknown, but somethings I know for sure – that I will be happy. That I will be loved. That I will give love. That my books will be published by then. And that I there will be plenty of adventure, sleepless nights and a lot of learning on my part. And while I cannot wait, I will cherish and savor every moment of today.

Yes there is a joy within me and it is growing.

Life is short. You may visit rewind and Fast forward, but live in the Now, in the Play, so to speak. Appreciate every joyful moment, as it will not come again.

In Hindsight

I wrote this on August 19th, 2015. Five years and a thousand lifetimes ago. Before I lost my parents and several friends. Before I moved to a new state. Before a million moments that have taken my breath away, given me joy, made me cry and broken my heart. Before rebuilding my life and self. Before all of everything that I have and hold oh so dear. Before I found the happiness that I have now. Enjoy!

Hindsight

Know why I am so hard on you, why I demand so much? Because I have walked through the fires in the pits of Hell and by the Grace of God, have come through just fine.  So if you are going to be in my life, be damn present.

I have earned the right to have someone present. I have earned the right to be loved. I have earned the right to matter.  I have earned the right to be comforted. I have earned the right to be cherished.

There is so much you take for granted because you do not even see the brilliance of the human being in front of you.

I have a good life built on the solid foundation of my heart.  And I have done all this, every bit, with no comfort. No arms. No warmth to hold me. It has all been alone.

Strength borne of the basic need to survive and protect those most loved.  A steel inner core tempered by flames, cooled by God’s compassion. A depth you need not understand because it is, by its very nature, beyond your comprehension.

Step aside, I see that is what I should have said long ago in hindsight.