Repost 12

I wrote this in 2017 after losing both of my parents and eventually almost all of my family. I was lost to say the least, and searching for who I was. I had always been taught that family was the most important thing, and after losing so many I felt as if I had no roots to ground me. It is terrible to feel like you are aimlessly floating through life and the Universe. And that is from where this post came.

Today I am happy and grounded, secure in who I am and where life is taking me. But it is a journey when you are confused and searching. But when you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.

Today I am thankful to no longer be lost. I am also grateful for the time in the fog, as it aloowed me to grow, protected and sheltered, into the person I am today.

Pray with the Moon, Dance with the Sun

There are times in life when we do not know how it will actually turn out, but we hope and pray for what we need.  We have to take a leap of faith and just believe that it will all work out OK. And it usually does.  But that does not change worry and anxiety on how to get there.

This is where I am.  There are a lot of wonderful things on the horizon, many opportunities and chances.  And I know what I hope, what I need and what I want.  And I am working toward those things every day.  But it is cutting it close to the line and that is far outside of my comfort zone.

And I pray in the moonlight, when it is dark and quiet.  When shadows are close and crickets are out.  Where the soul meets the mind to talk to the heart, this is where I pray, in the light of moon. And I pour my heart and soul into life, one breath at a time. I work hard, play hard, pray hard and believe hard.

And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling. – Shanti

But there have been so many changes in the past year or so, so many goodbyes, so much loss.  Life doesn’t look anything like it did a 12 or 18 months ago, and two years past seems like millions of miles behind me, and indeed it is.  I am not the same person, this is not the same life.  I have had to stand up, figure out and fight or defend in ways that I never thought I would. And in all of it, I have kept my ethics and dignity intact, my sanity is another story…

“Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.”

Life has a way of changing you, bending you, even if it does not break you.  The ground shifts and you must adapt. Thinking on your feet can be a challenge when the rug has been jerked out from under you.  So we may struggle to find our place, our part in the world. But what if when the dust settles we are where we are supposed to be all along? And all that worry and stress added nothing to the journey? In life, isn’t that usually how it turns out anyway? So just hold on for ride.

“When you are truly genuine there will invariably people who do not accept you. And is that case, you must be your own badass self, without apology.” – Katie Goodman

And what about those people who leave in the middle of your struggle or from whom you have to walk away?  Don’t worry about them.  Life is about a series of letting go, breathing in and moving forward.  If they want to return to your life they will have to catch up.  You can’t be bothered or concerned with them or their perception of you.  That has been a hard one for me to learn.  But if I tried to please everyone, I would lose myself, and that is never worth it.

There is a saying that worry steals all the joy out of the present moment.  This is true. So how do you stop worrying?  I am not exactly sure, but what has worked for me is a combination of prayer, meditation, faith and hard work.    And the belief, no the knowledge, that everything will work out, somehow.  You must make a decision to be happy as you reach your goals and make the life that you want.

Magic happens when you do not give up, even when you want to .  The universe always  falls in love with a stubborn heart.

What if a little bit of worry still seeps in sometimes, with the ever present list of what ifs Believe anyway.  Move forward anyway. Have faith anyway. Something will happen.  And when it does, you can step out, into the sunlight and dance knowing that magic still exists. You just have to believe and have faith.

Quote

The Task in the Single

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion. Bewilderment brings intuitive knowledge. – Rumi

We are all familiar with multitasking, which seems mandatory these days in order to survive in the world. But what if it wasn’t? What if we could do one thing at a time? In this day and age of bigger is better, faster is optimal and more is best, is that possible? Yes, but we must be purposeful in our singling of tasks.

People seem to run around everyday, bragging about what all they can do all at once. The more you can multitask, the more prestige you have and the more important you are. Oh, you must be a true leader if you have do all of that at the same time. You must be smart and talented and in demand, as if being so busy is a badge of honor. It isn’t. It only means we have bitten off more than we can chew and now we are part of the rat race in trying desperately to keep up. But at what cost?

As I was rushing around, trying to get all things done before a trip, it occurred to me that I wasn’t enjoying anything really. Half watching my favorite TV show, almost paying attention to the cats, writing and listening to some of the radio…my mind was racing, but not going an anywhere. Is it possible that in our rush to have it all, have we end up with nothing? Have we forgotten how to truly be aware?

So for the next while I am consciously, intentionally single tasking. I am embracing the practice of doing one thing at a time. I can hear people gasping as they read that sentence. I can hear the thoughts of “You can’t do only one thing at a time!”

Actually yes, you can. Here is the thing – we write the rules to our lives. We get to decide how we want our lives to be, we get to decide the where and what and how and who. And it is amazing the clarity that happens when you do one thing at a time. The creativity flows, and the ideas come. I have noticed that I enjoy the day much more and actually get more done faster and a higher quality.

I am noticing many more smaller details, laughing more and simply enjoying moments on a granular level. we miss a lot when we are too busy doing everything else. This goes for just about anything in life. When we slow ourselves and our processes down, we truly absorb the world around us on such a deeper level. And that allows us to revel in those positive moments much more, and even longer.

Indeed, I think the secret to living smarter, not harder is actually taking the time to do one thing at a time. And time is the one thing in our lives that is finite. So how do you want to spend it? Do you want it to fly by, all th emoments blendign together in a blurr, or do you want quality memories?

Life is short. Make sure you don’t multitask it away. One is not the loneliest number and single tasks can make sure you have a multifaceted and joyous life.

Of Wit and Whim

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. — Lord Byron

Humor is a prelude to faith and laughter is the beginning of prayer. — Reinhold Niebuhr

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge

It has long been said that laughter is the best medicine, that it is the cure for whatever ails you. I think it is even better and more than that. Laughter is the key to happiness and adventure. If you can approach life with a whimsical sense of humor, and a healthy dose of sarcasm (one of my most favorite things in the world), then life will be profoundly much more fun. And let’s face it, we can all use a little more fun in our lives.

But in this time of masks, politics and unrest, it that even possible? Yes. But we have to step away from the news and step up to our lives. We must be present in the present moments and approach them with a sense of wonder and optimism. Honestly I think playful wisecracks should be mandatory learning these days. Imagine how much livelier we would be if a class teaching buffoonery and banter were offered in schools. Laughter is one of those life skills that can get us through almost anything. And unfortunately, it is a skill we have to learn on our own.

The last weekend was a wonderful lesson in witticism for me. Indeed there was laughter until my cheeks hurt and tears were rolling down them. My sides hurt too, and it was worth it. There were jokes and puns, imitations and gentle sarcasm met with chuckles. I have never laughed that much or that hard in a weekend before. It seemed like everything was amusing.

And that is the thing about life, we must find the our playfulness. We must not take ourselves, our lives, or our world so seriously, that we cannot laugh at them. A full, whole-hearted, old fashioned, belly laugh. The kind that leaves you breathless and gasping, grabbing your sides and squinting your eyes. And indeed my partner in humor and I were well matched, as we joked back and forth.

Life is a short farce. If we don’t have some levity, then the joke is on us. So, laugh as much as you can, for as long as you can, with as many people as you can.

Roads

I’ve come so far from there I’ve been

Walked down those roads

I’ll never be again.

And as I smile and laugh inside

It’s taken hard work

And many tears to hide.

But now a new day calls my heart

And the joy bubbles up

From almost every part.

Oh yes, I have traveled near and far

Miles of road under foot

What I want is where we are. – Ada

Happy Girls

“Happy girls are the prettiest girls.” – Audrey Hepburn

I remember reading this quote for the first time many years ago. And though it made sense, I really didn’t understand it. But now I do. And I understand now that I’m older.

When I was younger, I was extremely happy. I had a wonderful fairytale childhood, and I was blessed with two amazing loving parents. I was never shy or too insecure growing up. But then you get older, and life happens. You lose a job, you get your heartbroken, parents and loved ones die, friendships and. And you begin to acquire some depth of emotion. And you begin to acquire this because every time you’re hurt it carves a deeper space within you.

And it is when we get to a point where we are well seasoned, so to speak, that we understand this quote much more. That is because when you are going through highly emotional or difficult times we wear it on our faces. We wear it by the way we walk with the weight of the world on our shoulders. We wear it in a furrowed brow, and low energy. We wear it with the corners of our mouths ever so slightly turned down. We wear it in a hundred different ways, in a thousand different subtleties.

But the same is also true for the happiness. There may be a spring in our step, a slight smile on our face, a brightness in our eyes, that is completely unconscious yet incredibly visible. We may even glow.

And that is where I find myself. So many times recently I’ve been told that I’m glowing. And indeed I probably am. I think the glow, the happiness, comes from the inside and radiates out. It radiates out into our energy, into our thoughts, and even to our speech, to everything we do and say, conscious or otherwise.

Indeed now that I am older, and wiser, and deeper, and finer of a human being due to the good and bad times that I’ve been through, I understand the subtle contrast of Audrey Hepburn statement. And if happy girls are the prettiest girls, then I must be beautiful.

Life is short. Glow and be happy.

The Office Sweet Home

Working from home you need to have a great home office. And I always have. But until now I never used it. I would set up an office in a room, usually a spare bedroom, but would never use it. Until now. There is something very wonderful about the house where I love. It is open and has so much natural light pouring in.

The area outside of the master bedroom is where I have the home office, so the commute is quite short. The new desk came in and it’s perfect. Interesting freelance projects have been coming in and now there is a perfect place to writer away. A great desk, a comfortable massaging office chair, huge windows for sunlight, a comfy couch and a TV.

Everything is falling right into place and the office is one of my favorite places in the house. Maybe. My bedroom is too, with the wonderful adjustable bed, a sitting area and space for prayer and meditation. Then there is the kitchen that has room for friends and conversation while cooking. The lower bedroom, or “naproom,” as I call it, has the most comfortable space for napping and lounging. The family room is perfect for movies with friends and family. Or maybe the backyard is my favorite, with the plants and garden and grill and outside furniture that welcomes others to come and sit for a while. Soon the canopy and porch swing will be back up to compete the perfect.

When your entire house is your favorite room, and even the outside, then you know you are happy and exactly where you should be. This has been the perfect time to Nest, to make my home the safest place and sanctuary in the world. A place where my family and friends will come and be happy as well.

Life is short. You should have Peace in your home, and it should be the place where you go to recharge, to love, to make all those wonderful moments. After all it all starts at home.

Fast Forward, Rewind and Play

The memories come up on my Facebook, and I do take that walk down the lane. Most of the memories are good and make me smile. Some are of friends and loved ones who are gone. And some of them make me releiaze how far I have come in this life.

And example is when I first started my company and struck our writing, on my own, full time. It was during the recession and most thought I was crazy. Indeed , those first years were very slim. Add to that the fact that I was putting my nephew through college during that time. And now I am established and successful in my writing.

My favorite part is to look at where I was a year ago, every year. Rewind to a year ago and I was helping my then cheating, alcoholic, ex financial executive, boyfriend get sober and pack up his house to move in with me while he figured out his life and tried to relocate to Texas.

What a difference a year makes.

Today I have relocated myself and am blissfully happy with where I am and what life is now. I have a happy home, a wonderful garden, amazing friends here, and I have carved out a fantastic space. I have traveled and lived, laughed and loved. Hard to believe so much can happen in 365 short days. I am not the same person I was a year ago, thank goodness.

Fast forward to a year from now, and I am excited about where life will be. What wonderful things will happen between now and then? What will I learn and experience and see? What amazing times will I have my family? Hopefully Covid will be done and I will be taking trips to visit those I love and preparing for my 30th high school reunion, among other things.

The future is unknown, but somethings I know for sure – that I will be happy. That I will be loved. That I will give love. That my books will be published by then. And that I there will be plenty of adventure, sleepless nights and a lot of learning on my part. And while I cannot wait, I will cherish and savor every moment of today.

Yes there is a joy within me and it is growing.

Life is short. You may visit rewind and Fast forward, but live in the Now, in the Play, so to speak. Appreciate every joyful moment, as it will not come again.

In Hindsight

I wrote this on August 19th, 2015. Five years and a thousand lifetimes ago. Before I lost my parents and several friends. Before I moved to a new state. Before a million moments that have taken my breath away, given me joy, made me cry and broken my heart. Before rebuilding my life and self. Before all of everything that I have and hold oh so dear. Before I found the happiness that I have now. Enjoy!

Hindsight

Know why I am so hard on you, why I demand so much? Because I have walked through the fires in the pits of Hell and by the Grace of God, have come through just fine.  So if you are going to be in my life, be damn present.

I have earned the right to have someone present. I have earned the right to be loved. I have earned the right to matter.  I have earned the right to be comforted. I have earned the right to be cherished.

There is so much you take for granted because you do not even see the brilliance of the human being in front of you.

I have a good life built on the solid foundation of my heart.  And I have done all this, every bit, with no comfort. No arms. No warmth to hold me. It has all been alone.

Strength borne of the basic need to survive and protect those most loved.  A steel inner core tempered by flames, cooled by God’s compassion. A depth you need not understand because it is, by its very nature, beyond your comprehension.

Step aside, I see that is what I should have said long ago in hindsight.

Women Who Wear Pink Boas

“Women who wear pink boas and matching shoes don’t suffer hoes.” – Joe (dear Friend)

It usually hurts when you find out someone has cheated in a relationship. And then there are the times when it is a relief. It recently came out that an ex I dated cheated on me…for at least the last 6 months of our relationship, maybe more. And it all made sense. All of his baffling behavior and strange accusations against me, all of his suspicions were, in fact, because he was the one cheating and being dishonest. It explains why he crashed a date I was on after we broke up and tried to intimidate who I was with.

I have long said that those who are suspicions of others are guilty of that which they accuse. I even wrote about it at Suspicious People are not Honest So when the truth came out, like it always does, it was no surprise to me, but more of a relief. And I felt sorry for the poor girl who has him now, because as the old saying goes – “If he did it to me, he’ll do it to you.”

If someone cheats on you, raise your glass and wish them well. And when Karma catches up and pays them a visit, hopefully you will be lucky enough to be there to witness her in all her glory. Until then, live your life and have a fabulous happy time. They will HATE that, trust me. I wrote about that here: Life is Messy

Life is short. Don’t lament, just move on. And live your Best life. Karma will be be along to deal with them soon enough.

My messages to her (Because yes she reads here too): He started dating you while he was sleeping with me… You might want to talk with him about that. I don’t want anything from him, and do not want him back… but you should know who you are with. He cheated on both his ex-wives, and he cheated on me with you. Chances are he will do it to you too. He comes on strong, love bombs you and will sweep you off of your feet. He will spend a ton of money on you, then throw it up in your face later in a fight. He falls in love fast and it will be a wonderful whirlwind…until the party stops. He drinks almost a bottle of vodka or Makers Mark a night when alone. His ex wife and daughter have both talked to me about their concern for his drinking because he drinks like that while keeping his two boys. Woman to woman, be careful.

Away and From

Sometimes you just need an adventure to wash away the bitter taste of the world. – Anon

It’s summer. And while travel has been vastly interrupted, it it has not completely stopped. Indeed there is still a need for vacation. For relaxing, for clearing the mind and getting away from those responsibilities. And it doesn’t have to be far. Just Away. From everything.

And that is what this weekend is to me. It is away from my house, as wonderful as it is. there is always something to do, to clean, to organize, to write, to accomplish. Sometimes we need to accomplish play. We need to laugh, eat at a new place, walk down new streets where no one knows us. Yes, I may have moved to a new state and new neighborhood, but there is still a need for adventure, for stepping away from everyday life and playing. With nothing in front of me but all that I am not responsible for.

They say that people are happiest not with things, but with experiences. What fun it is to test that theory. And it does make sense – things cannot make you laugh, or give you good memories or even ensure a good life. But to travel. To be able to tell a story around a table to friends later. Or to a child or spouse while they listen and smile, well, that is priceless.

So never be afraid to venture away and from what is familiar. Always go and play for a bit. Whether you are alone, a couple or with a group, it makes life better in so many ways. It enriches us and makes us appreciate the world around us, the word past the horizon and over the mountains of our limited view. To learn, to see, to experience that Wanderlust. That is to live.

Life is short. Make it as rich, as amazing, as varied as possible. Make your life all the colors of the spectrum. Go far and away and from what you know to learn and grow and see.

To What Purpose

I had a good friend who struggled with her empty nest after her children went off to college. She struggled to find her purpose and what she felt like she should be doing. At the time I did not understand why or how. I told her that this is the time she should be having a great time, doing whatever she wanted and focusing in on herself. But she still struggled.

And now I get where she was coming from. For the past 11 years, I have done nothing but take care of my family and friends. Putting nephews through college, helping my sister and her family, ,helping my parents through treatments, terminal illness, death and finally taking care of the estate.

And at the end of that 11 years, I moved to a new state and get a new start. And here I am. I have this great life. I am taking care of myself doing whatever I want. having a great time. And I am happy for the first time in many years – truly, blissfully, amazingly happy.

So…now what??

I have accomplished what I want in my career and only have to take on projects that I want and believe in. There is a home with wonderful space and family and friends that visit. There is love and happiness and all that I not only need, but want. I need and want for nothing indeed. And yet there is something missing.

I am missing my purpose. That thing that I am meant to do. I know what it is (I think), but how in will it take form into fruition? Eye, there’s the rub.

My purpose is to help and serve others. This I know. And it happens no matter where I am, where I go or who I am with. But no I look around and there is no one and nothing to help. SO…now what??

Isn’t that the question many of us are asking in our lives? Now what? After all that we have done, all that we have, all that we have left to do…why are we asking “Now what?” I think it is because we are not truly fulfilled until we find our purpose. And that is different than a career.

So here is what I want?: I want to help and serve others, as it is my purpose to do. And I want to build something larger than myself. But I don’t want to do it alone. I want do it with someone. I want a partner in building. I have done everything alone. All of it. And it has drained and depleted my in the past. Indeed. building is not for the faint of heart. The truth is I can do it myself, and successfully have. but I no longer Want to. And there in-lies the difference. So now what?

I don’t know. And I am truly struggling with it. Maybe the secret is the pray earnestly for what you want, then let go and be present in the moments ahead until an opportunity for purpose presents itself. Indeed, if our faith is strong. then shouldn’t we believe that we are and will be exactly where we should exactly when needed? This is where I fall short. Patience. I want this now.

Life is short. We all need a purpose. We all need and want to fulfill a larger part of a dream in the tapestry of humanity. We all need to know that our existence is not in vain. We all need to be useful. And so I pray and wait. And soon I hope to know what my purpose will be in this part of life.

Spring Cleaning Up

It is in the summer, and yet there is cleaning to be done. And trip to take. For me, I always like to clean the house before leaving town, that way I return to a wonderful clean house and it feels so good. Think about it – when you come home form traveling, you are usually exhausted. The last think you want is to return home to laundry to do, a messy kitchen that needs to be cleans and floors that are dirty.

And so I went into a frenzy. The kitchen was cleaned and all surfaces were wiped down, as were all the cabinets and doors. The floors were swept, vacuumed and mopped. The bathrooms were scrubbed, the fans were cleaned off, everything was dusted and the baseboards cleaned as well. Yes the house was wpic and span.

But it took a while to do, and it took good old fashioned elbow grease. It took scrubbing, and bleach, and wiping, and sweating. Yes, it took work to gret it all done. And by the time I was finished, it was definately time for vacation.

Let’s be cleat, I do not enjoy cleaning – At. All. But I oh so enjoy the results. The house was clean, it smelled, it felt clean and it looked brighter. Which is good because scrubbing it hard work and I hate doing it.

But isn’t that the case with life? We have to put the work in if we are going to have the life and the dreams that we want. And that pertains to a job or career, a relationship, being in shape, getting a degree, whatever. Life is hard work. Yes, we should have fun and play hard as well, but make no mistake, life takes work. And it takes time.

Time is an extremely finite thing. Once gone we cannot get it back. It cannot be bought, bargained and stolen. It is what it is and that is it. So be purposeful on that which you spend your time. Make sure it is worthwhile. Make sure it is the job and career that you want, the relationship with the person you want and the life in general that you want. And if you are stuck in any of those that you d’t want – then make a change. The time is going to pass anyway, so we might as well.

So now I am at the beach, relaxing, playing hard after working hard. And when I get home, it will be nice and clean and wonderful. And I can start the next day fresh in mind and spirit.

Life is short. Work hard, play hard, and love hard, with all of you heart. Anything else is wasted time. Do the work and have the life and all the trappings that you want. But you must first do the work.

Mish Mash

The Clean

It’s summer, in the middle of a pandemic, what are you going to do? Clean. I was too busy playing to do it in the Spring, now that it is 108 outside, my attention turns to the inside. Indeed there is dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and much, much more. It is in my nature to “nest” and make sure all is in orner on the inside.

And isn’t that the way it is with life as well? First we must make sure that we have everything in order inside ourselves. Let’s face it, it’s no fun being a hot mess everywhere, so might as well clean it all up. It’s a pandemic, what else have you got to do?

Yes, indeed, this is the perfect time to get yourself in order, inside and out. Things have slowed down, which gives time for those items that have been overlooked or put off in the rush of life.

And it is extremely cathartic to clean. It feels good to get out all of the trash and extraneous noise. To throw out what is no longer useful or serves us in our lives.

When we clean out the negative and useless, we make room for that which is much more bright and beneficial. We face our fears, conquer our demons. and come out stronger an better than before. Abd when we pray for the next that will come into our lives, we will have the emotional and mental bandwidth.

And so as I mop and dust and vacuum and clean baseboards (yes, the baseboards too), I also do a mental and emotional de-cluttering. I pray and think and organize my thoughts as I organize and clean out the cabinets.

We have all seen the show, at least one episode of Hoarders, and it is terrifying. What is even more terrifying is if we could see all the things that people (we) are holding onto emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Imagine what a mess that is when you hang on to old hurts, resentments and anger. Have you ever met any one who is so bitter that you wonder what happened to them? That is because they are an emotional hoarder and they will not let go of all the pain, so it festers inside of them.

Life is short. Don’t be a hoarder. Do the Spring cleaning in the summer or winter or whenever things get a bit messy. We do clean our houses, why shouldn’t we do the same to ourselves? Life is too short to carry all of that anyway.

Dad’s Desk

He sat at his desk, this particular desk for over 20 years. I don’t know where he got it, but he did modify it just a bit. He added a shelf along the bottom to hold, among other things, a surge protector. And I loved sitting at his desk, writing and thinking. When he died, his desk was one of the things that I wanted most.

And so it has been, as I have sat many times at his desk since then. I moved it with me to Houston, put it in my office in the new house. And I loved it. But it was missing something – that bottom shelf and t he support in between the legs. The movers took it apart and lost those pieces somewhere along the way. I set it up anyway, planning to install another support shelf.

Today was the the day. I carefully took the measurements then ran out to obtain the shelf. I came back, borrowed some tools from the neighbor and…And the desk broke. It started leaning, then it creaked, and creaked a bit more, then fell with one last creak and a loud crash…onto the monitor, barely missing the computer. I hat to admit it, but I cried a little bit as I looked at my Dad’s desk, in pieces on the floor, legs bent, screws broken.

I must of moved it wrong while I was positioning the support board and shelf. That is the thing about trying to do things you don’t know how to do alone – sometimes you mess up and break things.

I am not a Do-it-yourself super hero. Yes, so far I have replaced the mother board and control board on the fridge, fixed the garaged door and the dishwasher, but they were easy. Watch a few YouTube videos and you can learn almost anything. But trying to fix what the movers broke of my father’s desk, when I am not ever sure how he had it modified, was quite a bit beyond my level.

And it has been placed along the wall until I figure out what to do with it and if it can be rebuilt and fixed. And that is the thing about life, those we love that are no longer with us will always be in our hearts. Even if his desk can’t be fixed, as upsetting as that might be, I still have my father in my heart, every day.

Life is short. Do the best you can, cherish those you love, and trust that everything else will work out just fine.

The broken desk

The broken monitor

The temporary “office space”

Recalculating

It takes a lot of work to transform a life. To change the trajectory and momentum you must have a strong force to stop the inertia. To start over is to accept that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. In simple terms, it takes a lot. It takes a lot of work, a lot of will, a lot of tears, rearranging, recalculating, re-figuring, reworking, rethinking, re-shifting, and most of all, a lot of being uncomfortable and confused.

So what do you do when you have that second chance at life? You figure out what your dreams are and what will make you happy. And how do you do that? You listen to your own heart, your own soul, deep down when it’s dark. Then you do the work to make it happen. And you pray. But growth is rarely pain free or completely comfortable. In fact it is often our discomfort and distress that is the precipice for change. Sometimes it takes a long while, sometimes it doesn’t.

I moved to a new state to start a new life, and in 6 short months I have accomplished that which I set out to do. My dreams are coming true, that for which I have prayed and worked so hard is coming to fruition. In 6 short months, I have worked hard to transform the landscape of my decisions.

And to be honest it has been grueling and fun and exhausting and exciting and extremely rewarding. It has been a lot of physical work – packing and unpacking, lifting, arranging boxes, pictures, clothes and things I hold most dear. Deciding what to keep and what to throw away. It has been tilling, planting and weeding the garden. It has been creating everything out of nothing but a dream, a shard of light in a universe of darkness.

There has been a lot of praying too. Where I fall short is trusting that what has been set into action will work out for the best. But ins;t that always one of the hardest parts of life? Working and wanting so much, but having to trust that it will all work out in the end. But it always does, doesn’t it?

And now there are offers of interesting projects with intelligent people, conversations with publishers and too many exciting possibilities to mention for fear of jinxing them. Indeed, everything I have prayed for, save for one thing, has happened and been given to me. Oh, and that one thing will be so sweet and amazing when it finally happens.

Life is short. So go for. Recalculate to make your world what you want. Excuses are for cowards, so stand up, face your fears head on, work hard, play hard, pray harder and trust the most.