These are challenging times with the coronavirus. Social distancing, quarantine, wearing masks, it’s just all a mess. You would think that dating would be impossible during this time. Not so!
I moved to this new and wonderful City beginning of February. By mid March or so everything was starting to shut down because of the virus. Luckily enough, I started dating someone right before the virus hit and things shut down.
You may be wondering why this may be the perfect time to date someone when you can’t go anywhere, or actually do anything. But that is precisely why it is exactly the best time to date and get to know someone. This is because you’re not distracted by the Pomp and Circumstance of dating. You’re not distracted by the wining and dining. You are truly able to hang out and just get to know the person without any pressure.
In my last relationship for example, the man that I was dating lived in another state. He would fly in we would have a whirlwind weekend, and then he would leave. And I would fly up to see him. And we took lots of trips together and went to fancy restaurants. And while that kind of Whirlwind romance may sound fun and amazing, it also hid a lot of red flags. Because we were so busy doing that we were always on “vacation time” so to speak. By the time things slowed down, and we really started to get to know each other, there were horrible issues that caused irreparable damage. For instance, this man was a horrible alcoholic, but because we were always out and about traveling, it just seemed like part of the Whirlwind.
When you slow things down and you’re not moving at Whirlwind pace, you have a more solid, calm, and natural relationship. You get to know this other person in their natural habitat. When the choices of where to go are “my kitchen or yours,” and the movie selection is what’s on prime or Netflix, then the conversation is easy. And so is getting to know that person beyond all the Flash. You are not on vacation time, you’re on real time in the real world. You get to see who and what this person is more in their daily life, rather than the Glamorous Whirlwind life that they first present to you.
Everyone has heard the saying that we’re all on our best behavior when they first start dating. Comedians have even joked that you’re not really dating that person when you first start, you’re dating the representative. Dating in the time of the virus, when you can’t go to restaurants or fly off to this island or that City, you have no choice but to sit face-to-face and get to know the person, No Frills, and no Whirlwind.
And to me that is far better than all the glamour, all the Whirlwind, and all the fakeness. Truth be told, a calm stable relationship is far better than the emotional rollercoaster any day. Getting to know someone without all the distractions truly creates the foundation on which something more can be built. Because all of the irrelevant white noise is removed and you get to know who and what they really are, not who and what they want you to think they are.
Life is short, too short to be fooled by presentation. Choose the substance instead. While the Whirlwind larger-than-life romance might sound fun, it is nothing on which to build anything long-term, because it is completely unstable and not conducive to a healthy lifestyle. It is building a mansion on quicksand. And in the end that quicksand will consume everything, all the energy, all the effort, all the emotion, all the substance that you try to create and work so hard to build. Go for the stable and go for the substance, and build a on a firm foundation for life.