Celebrating Mae

She was my favotie Aunt – bright, funny, high spirited and possibly a bit bossy. She had many stories, told great jokes, could drink and hold her own, and loved her Bloomer Droppers. She was my wonderful Aunt Mae.

She passed away in her 90’s shortly before Christmas and this is her service. It is a celebration in every sense. Yes, we are sad tonloose her, but she Lived, really lived. She took chances, had adventures, was independant, did her thing, loved her husband and even got into mischief now and then.

And how many of us can say that we are truly living? That we are taking chances and drinking life’s moments up like a sponge? How many of us are living up to our potential? And I don’t mean salary or career wise, I mean Life wise?

To me this is about celebrating a marvelous lady who celebrated life. Ahe did as she pleased, and that was it. She loved life. She loved her life and she loved her family. And we loved her.

And so I am here, in this place to celebrate her on the 3rd anniversary of my father’s death. And somehow, I think Dad and Aunt Mae just might have planned it that way. To bring the family together, like they always did.

How absolutely perfect. And so I want to truly live, love, and have that full life. I am beyond ready for laughter that swells up from he belly and escapes past lips curled to a smile.

Life is short. Live it up and Celebrate every moment you can. Kiss the girl, but the shoes, take the chance and dance under the stars, or in the kitchen. Or where ever.

Hi Daddy

Hi Daddy,

It’s me. I miss you. So much has happened in the 3 years since you’ve been gone. Millions of lifetimes it seems. I am not the same person I was then. And yet I am. I am still me, still your daughter, still your PJ, still the Pinktank, and still as clumsy and akward as ever.

I miss you, your voice, your zippy one liners, your kindness. I miss eating boiled peanuts with you, and I miss watching the lightning storms. I think of you every time one rolls in.

I hope you would be proud of me. Some daya I think you would, others not so much. I am still very imperfect and feisty. Guess I take after Mom that way.

I wiah I could find someone to love me like the way you loved her. Maybe it’s a generational thing, and men these days don’t love like that any more. I hope so though.

I moved to Texas and I often wonder what you would think about that. I know you spent time in the state but you never talked about it really.

I wonder how you are Jimmy and doing and if you have seen him where both of are.

I wonder what advice you would give me now, in the new fresh start. I still see your smile, hear your laugh. It gives me comfort to know that you are with Mom, that is the only place you wanted to be.

I am happy Dad. I made the decision to move, get away from all of the unhappy, and it has worked. I am happier than I have been in a long time. And it shows. It permeates everything I do.

I love you so much. Thank you for being the best daddy in the entire world, thank you for all of the lessons and all of the time. Thank you for everything. You are and always will be my hero.

Love you Daddy. Say hello to Mom.

The Years

A woman I went to high school with lost her sister. And matbe because it is the anniversary of my father’s death amd,my heart is tender, maybe because I have lost a sibling, maybe for a thousand other reason, it brpught me to tears.

And I remember when my last sibling passed, how devestating ot was, a little less than a year ago. You just assume you will grow old with your siblings. Even if you are not close with them, you typically don’t think about a life without them. Everyone knows and accepts they will bury thwir parents. But it is unnatural in every sense for you sibling to suddenly not be there.

And so my heart goes out to her, and everyone who has lost a brother or sister. It is a specific kind of grief, a specific kind of pain.

Be kind to yourself, and be around those who will be supportive. At the time of my last siblings death, my partner was an ass, and instead of being aupportive he sent me money amd insisted I travel to celebrate anl event amd meet his family for the first time. (Dont be that guy, btw)

Take time to heal, take time to be gentle with yourself, and most importantly, tell those you love that you love them. It could be family. A firmed, a lover, an old loce or new love, it doesn’t matter. Tell them. Even if you havent talked to,them,in a while, tell them. Because you know know when the last tume will be, so never take it for granted.

Messy

I wrote this back a few years ago, yet it seems just as relevant. Enjoy!

Life is messy. We have to, in our lifetime, deal with betrayal, lies, heartache, and false friends. But in the end, those that try to harm us and hurt us only make us stronger. Better. And they hate that. The best revenge truly is simply being happy and living a fabulous life. And when you move on, happy and confident, it is your life returned to you. And each time we feel pain, we feel it a little deeper in our soul, until we are the beautiful, complex works of art we were meant to be. But life must carve out those deep spaces within us first.

When I was 19 I read a book called the Prophet. Amazing book. It changed my life. In it was the passage that said:

“But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.”

I decided right then and there, at the tender age of 19, that I would live a life that was full, full of love, sorrow, joy, tears, laughter and much, much more. I decided that I would make my life the great epic novel it could be. I have soared above the clouds and crashed below the ocean. I have made mistakes and paid dearly for them. And I would do it all over agian. Because in the end, everyone, those who like me and those who do not, will never be able to deny that I lived and loved with my whole heart.

But this life wears you out sometimes, wounds you, gives you scars. They heal, yes, but scars they leave just the same. And then we wake up, all tattered and torn, and wonder about our lives and get very introspective. I wonder if the choice I made to live life to the fullest, both the good and the bad, was the right choice? Then I read the following quote from a book titled Kisses from Katie:

I was like the Velveteen Rabbit. I was tattered and worn out. I’d been hurt and scarred and banged around a bit in the past year, but God was using all those things to help me become real. I was coming to understand that what it means to be real is to love and be loved until there is nothing left. And when there is nothing left, and we feel we’re all in pieces, God begins to make us whole. He makes us real.

These words spoke to my heart and soul. And I realized that only in living life to the fullest, can we truly honor God’s plan for us.  Only in experiencing and loving till there is nothing left, can we honor the life we are meant to live.  The desire to live a meaningful life of purpose is universal. It is in our bones, our blood, our humanity. We strive.

Because in this life, what really matters? It is not the big house or expensive things, though they may give us enjoyment. But they are not real. What is real is loving, playing, working, kissing, living, with all your heart. Those who hurt us show us who we are supposed to be, and give us the life we are supposed to have. They help us reach the heights we only would have imagined.  So I thank all those who helped make me real.

Lenten Season

It is Ash Wednesday, the time of Lent. Traditionally this is a time of self refection and discipline and every year I give up one thing and take on one or more tasks. IT si a great time to slow down, breathe deep and take everything in. And that is what I am doing.

There has been a lot of change in my life recently – a huge move, cleaning and de-cluttering my life in every way imaginable, cutting people off, getting rid of bad habits, and starting new healthy habits. Exercising more, meditation, prayers and learning more about the practice of Grace (something that can be hard for a feisty red head).

But mainly I am looking forward to a deeper understanding of faith in life. I want to sit still and listen to the voice of God and know the direction he wants me to go.

And I want to celebrate the life he has so generously given me.   But first you must be still and listen, you must look for the signs and be willing to follow.

And that is what this Lenten season means to me this year.

3 Years

It’s hard to believe that the third year anniversary is coming up Sunday.  Three years since my wonderful, amazing, adorable, hero father passed away. Hard to believe it has been that long since I have seen him, hugged him heard his voice, or saw his smile.

Last year this anniversary was hard, it had only been 2 years. And it still stung and hurt an unbelievable amount. This year it still hurts, because you never get over losing your parents, but it is different.

I will always miss him, that never stops.  But this year I know he would be proud of me so it is a celebration. It is a celebration of everything good that is happening in my life and everything that is coming up.

I am happy because know he is in a better place, with my Mom. And I am in a better place where I have moved. I am in a better place emotionally, physically and mentally than I have been in years now that I am in a new place and away from toxic people and relationships.

So this anniversary I celebrate my father, his love that he gave me, all that he taught me and my entire family. I celebrate my life as an extension of him, and my Mom. I celebrate all the good that is coming. There will be no tears this year, there will be smiles and laughter and a warmth in my heart.

Dad, I love and miss you every day.  And I know that you would be proud of me and who I have become since you left. Hug Mom for me and I love you both. Thank you for watching over me. Please visit me in my dreams.

Falling in Love

There thousands of books out there that talk about falling in love. How to fall in love, when to fall in love, how to get others to fall in love with you. But this kind of falling in love s very different, and something I am thouroughly enjoying. It is falling in love with my live, all over again.

It has been a little while, honestly. Aftr so much loss and strife, I was wondering if it would ever happen again. And then I moved. And then I started looking around and loved where I was again. I love the people, love the weather, love the area, love my house, love the neighbors, love my work and career, love all of it.

And there is a joy that happens when you love your life. A smile that originates from such a deep place when you are happy and fulfilled within yourself. There is a Peace that goes deep down to the bottom of your heart all the way to the tip of your soul when this happens.

My mother taught me that your life is bigger than any one person, any one event. So een when sad things happen, when you love your life and who you are, they do not destroy you. Because you are coming from such a strong centered place that the fundation stays in tact. Your foundation.

It is also true that only those who are miserable are mean to others, something I have been reminded of quite a bit recently. Normal happy people do not go around insulting or trying to hurt or destroy others. Find a person like that and you have found someone who hates themselves and who is miserable, even though they won’t admit it.

If you want to be happy, fall in love with your life. No matter who else is in it, no matter what you are doing, no matter who you are with. Make up your mind to be thankful, to be present, to be humble and to have fun.

And something magic happens when you fall in love with your life. People start falling in love with your life too. That kind of enthusiasm is something that you can’t fake, and when it’s authentic like that, it draws people to you. It draws other positive things and opportunities to you too. So if you’re looking for the good and wonderful in your life, you have to fall in love with your life first. And then all of those things will come to you.

That is what I am doing. I am meeting new people, going to new places, trying new things and having a blast. I am finding every reason to have a good day and finding joy. And I am having the time of my life, falling in love, with my life.

Life is short. Too short to be around miserable to be be a miserable person. Fall in love.

An Apple a Day

This entire weekend has been just what the doctor ordered.We hear the term to leave it up to God an that he will give you better than what you had. And indeed that is true. And if you only have some faith, it will happen faster than you thought possible.

In this moment, I have all for which I have prayed. And if someone had said this would be my life even 6 months ago, I would not have believed them. What I have now is far better than what was planned.

Life is short. Pray and trust and have faith that no matter what happens, even if you go through a hard time, God will get you through. Believe that you are worth more, believe that better is coming, and it will. As I look at the landscape of my life, I see that I am blessed.

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What I learned from Dating an Alcoholic

Ever relationship we have should teach us something, about life, about others, about ourselves, maybe even a combination. And I don’t think any relationship is a mistake, especially if you fell in love,  Because when we fall in love, no matter how it ends, that means we still have the capacity to love and care for another. And that is what life is all about. That being said, I would not want to repeat this relationship and I would do it very differently if I had the chance – as in I would politely say no if I knew then what I know now.

It started out innocently enough, a Facebook message from from a friend I went to high school with  He was the best looking and most popular guy in high school, but a bit of a bad boy who drank and smoked. He had a bad home life but his good looks and charm made those things easy to overlook.  Soon turned to texting,it  then long phone conversations. And soon he asked me out – flying in just for the night to take me to dinner.

I was flattered to say the least. He was successful, a financial executive, and I always had a crush on him. Soon he showered me with romance – trips to wonderful places, wining and dining, flying in just to see me, or flying me out to see him. There was a weekend in the Cayman Islands, with champagne on the balcony overlooking the ocean and rose petals on the floor, making a heart on the bed. I had never been so romanced. It was fun and fabulous.

But even then I noticed that he dank a lot. Way to much than I was used to or thought was normal. But he was successful, so who was I to judge? He did have a lot of drama with 4 kids and two ex wives, one not completely an ex yet as they were going through a very contentious divorce. But he made it sound like both women were terrible, and with all that charm I was swept up.

He said I love you quickly, as in a couple of weeks of dating – something that scared me.  But friends who were tired of my ever cautious nature told me to just enjoy it and let myself fall for once. I talked to him about it, and he asked my why I was so scared, and assured me I was safe within his love. And so I fell very, very much in love.

And then things took a very sinister turn. I did not know it at the time, but he was drinking 1/2-3/4 of a large bottle of bourbon per day. His personality changed and he became angry, lashing out and acting irrationally,  accusing me of strange things, yelling at me, picking fights then manipulating me to think it was my fault, or that I was just imaging the changes in him. But I knew I wasn’t. He was Mr. Perfect, now he was Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde – I never knew who I was going to get.

This continued until a mutual high school friend stayed with him told me the truth about what was really going on and how much he was really drinking. It all made sense then – the radical mood swings, the high blood pressure, the issues with his heart and thinking he was having a stroke. I immediately made sure he went to counseling, went to several doctors to get his health under control, made sure he got on and took his proper medication. 

He decided to move back to his home state and he wanted to stay with me while he looked for a house and I agreed to help with stability and sobriety. We were back on track, madly in love again and planning to move in together and get married. It was a dream come true. Or so I thought.

My dreams came crashing down when I went to see him a day early for Christmas after he moved and was waiting for me to follow. I caught him drinking bourbon with his college buddies. This wasn’t just a relapse either. He became extremely angry with me, blaming for for having no right be there, even though we were planning to move in together. He went back and forth between blaming me for the relapse, to admitting he had a drinking problem to denying he was an alcoholic at all, then he even talking to his Dad who had been sober for 30 years because of his own drinking problem.

But he never quit drinking. And it only got worse from there. As he continued to drink he became more and more paranoid, accusing me of bizarre plans and actions. He became increasingly difficult insisting I had alternator motives for everything from stealing his things, to extortion of money, faking health issues to get his attention. It was like this man lived in his own Twilight Zone.

At the same time he would get insanely jealous if I mentioned any other men, even crying sometimes, he would call and text me in the middle of the night, he would insist we meet up at odd times for strange reasons, then get mad and lash out refusing to meet, punishing me if I disagreed with him in any way.

What did I learn from this experience? An addict is an addict, is an addict. Other’s warned me about getting involved with an alcoholic, because addicts have certain traits and behaviors. But I was stupid because I had more faith in him that that, because I loved him. How much you love them doesn’t matter. Here are other things I learned:

God did not put me on this earth to take care of a drunk: Hands down the most important lesson I learned.

You can’t save them: I tried. I naively thought that if I stuck by him and loved him enough, I could get him in therapy and treatment, and he would be fine.  And we could go back to how wonderful things were in those first 5 months. That was assuming that he actually admitted he had a problem.  He didn’t. And he was very angry at me because I knew.

It doesn’t matter what you do, the relationship will end: I tried everything and nothing worked, least of all love. I tried tough love, soft love, true love, and everything in between. I tried apologizing, I tried talking, I tired sex even. Nope. He was still drinking. And still angry.

They will blame you and make it your fault: No mater what it it was, he made it my fault so he could be the victim. When he yelled at me, it was my fault. When I caught him drinking with his buddies that night, it was my fault because I showed up early. When he was mean to me in Akron, it was my fault, everything he did was my fault. And heaven forbid if I stood up for myself. Then he called me a bitch.

They will manipulate you: When he was yelling at me an I said he was being an ass, he said “I am not. You are just imaging that I am.”

They will Lie: Many times he told me he wasn’t still drinking. And as it turns out he lied each and every time. He would make me feel guilty when I questioned him accusing me of not trusting him.

They are insecure: He was constantly paranoid and was accusing me of thinking he was stupid, even though he had more education. I had to constantly pump up his self esteem by telling him how great he was every day. And he got very jealous if I mentioned any other guys – even just friends. He would accuse me of sleeping with them or say things like “tell them to call me if they need any tips on pleasing you.”

They will alienate you from your friends: This man contacted my friends causing drama and issues just so he could be in control. If he could alienate me from my friends, then I would have no place to go once I was with him.

There are more lessons, but those are the big ones.  Basically one of the biggest things that I learned is that I did nothing wrong. The relationship would have failed not matter what I did because he was an alcoholic. Whether I was an angel or the devil to him it wouldn’t have mattered, the issues were deep within him, and there was nothing I could do.

 

 

 

 

Creepy

Have you ever seen something and it just creeped you out and made you feel extremely uneasy? I have felt that way quite a bit especially when I look at my statistics for the blog. I have a tracker that tells me the IP address and location for each visitor. And it also gives me the individual MAC address for each device that visits.

Most of the time I am a bit complimented when an ex visits my blog, as I am very often described as the “one who got away.” But we all have those few exes that we don’t want to hear from and we wish would just go away.

I have one recent ex who is particularly creepy because of some very disturbing fantasies he had about me and bizarre things he said to me and about me. He seems to be further obsessed with this blog, downloading specific pictures of me several times per day. It’s worse because we are in the same area.

So to you: GO AWAY. I have moved on. Go bother someone else.

The pictures he always looks at (closest to when we were in high school together):

How many times he downloads the pictures in a day:

The stats:

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Playground Bullies

We are all familiar with children having to deal with bullies in the classroom or on the playground. But what happens when those kids grow up into adult bullies? Well, I have a theory about that. Adult bullies are nothing but cowards.

They pick on those whom they think are weaker and smaller, pushing them around because others are too nice or timid to put them in their place.I have never been that timid. even as a child.When I was a child I complained to my Mom about bullies. Her answer was that I needed to fight back or stop complaining. And she told me that if I fought back, if I didn’t draw blood, then I couldn’t come home. I think she would have loved Texas, as she had a very Texas attitude.

And so I took her advice and learned to be fierce when fighting bullies. I can’t stand them and I have to admit that I actually enjoy putting them in their place. Because I am a very nice, live and let live person, until you continue to bully me.

Everyone has bad days, or even goes through a bad time. But if you continually come after me, I will eventually fight back. And by the time I have had enough and finally stick up for myself, the bully is usually left crying on the sand box.

They should have thought about that before they were a bully and a coward picking on the mild mannered person they assumed was too timid to fight back.

I recently encountered a bully from high school. Yes he was a bully even back then, and hadn’t changed too much, except he gained weight and lost his hair. Too bad he hadn’t matured past high school and was still trying to prove he was the king of the lunch room. He also forgot that men who verbally or emotionally bully women don’t get much sympathy.

Also to throw a temper tantrum because you got rejected romantically is not only immature, but a sign that a Mental Health professional is needed. We all know that rejection hurts and nobody likes it, but when you threatened to sue someone because they don’t like you romantically after you’ve been a huge bully, is a bit ridiculous. Maybe that person should grow up and stop and yanking the pigtails of the girl he likes.

Life is short, too short to deal with cowards and bullies.

#DontMessWithTheRedhead

The Geometry of Loss

Loss will break your heart every time, that is almost a promise. And it could be the loss of a job, a marriage, a parent, a pregnancy….anything really.  And we have to mourn that loss or it will turn us bitter.  And I wonder if it ever gets easier?  I don’t think it does.

But I have a theory in life…When we are going through a hard time, we can wallow in it, or we can get up and use that bad time to rise.  We can use the hard times we go through as a huge ball and chain that weighs us down and makes us bitter, or we can use it as something to climb over and above to move on. But how does that relate to loss?

Take a look at life from every angle that you can, break it down into pieces and see it for the amazing experience that it is. The fact that any of us are here, now, is in the sacred geometry of chance, that we were even born. So it only makes sense that it is in geometry of loss that I find the answer.

There is a natural process to loss and grief, stages as they are called.  However, you can still decide to wallow or rise after that.  And I will choose to rise.  Life is short, and recent events have made me even more aware of this fact. So I will choose to honor this wonderful soul by being even more ever aware of how much of a miracle the gift of life is. I will appreciate every sunrise and every sunset.

I will use this experience to show and tell those whom I love that I do love them, because life is too short for words to be left unsaid. I will appreciate every moment, even the bad ones, as a part of life, a part that not everyone gets to experience.

I will celebrate this life. And I will make sure that I appreciate them the person that came into my life, even for a short period of time. And that person will teach me, once again, how to truly embrace all the moments we are so blessed to have.

Life is short. Experience all of it, the good and the bad, fully, completely, and with all of your whole heart. Because that is the only way to live a full life.

Coming Along

When we move to in a new place, the fin part is unpacking and getting everything set up exactly like we want it.  And indeed, the house is coming a long nicely. The more I unpack, the more cozy and wonderful the new place feels and looks.  I cannot wait to have everything out, placed and be settled.

This weekend has been a flurry of everything wonderful – of old friends, meeting new people, fun movies, unpacking, a nit of cleaning and more hopes and dreams than I thought possible. It is amazing the shift of energy and optimism a simple change in geography can make.

It had been 20 years since I up and moved, and even then it wasn’t that far.  So before moving to Texas, there was an extreme amount of anxiety and fear.  Would I like it here? Would I be able to make it?  Could I do it by myself? What if everything bad happened?  What if…what if…what if?  Those what ifs will drive you crazy of you let them.  That is why you just have to take a leap of faith and just do it.  Nike had that part of it right.

Because when you do, after you do, you find that all those fears where just that – only fears.  Very rarely do all those bad things actually come true. When I think about all that I was afraid of, all that I was anxious about when it came to the move….I feel a little bit silly. But isn’t that usually the case when we look back at what we thought we were afraid of?

The lesson that can be learned?  Not to let fear rule our lives. And not to make decisions out of fear. Instead, maybe of something scares us, maybe we should go for it instead. After all, if I had moved to Texas sooner, I would have realized there was nothing to be afraid of, and I would be just fine once i got here.  And I would definitely be all unpacked and settled by now.

Life is short. Don’t be afraid. Follow your heart, your dreams and what you feel is the best thing for you. Follow your gut and your conscience.  You won’t be sorry.

A Breath of Fresh Air

“Be comfortable with who you are regardless of other people’s acceptance and do not try to be like anyone else.” – Salma Hyack

When I was told that a change in geography would do immeasurable good for my well being, I wasn’t so sure that they were right.  But they were.  Since moving, it seems that all the pain of the last years stayed right were it was. And with that this new start is taking hold.

My new house is getting settled and unpacked after almost two weeks, and it is feeling wonderful and warm.  That is the great thing about a new place, you get to choose where everything goes. You get to make it whatever you want.  And it is the same with life.  If you are unhappy with the way life is going, change it.  You can always move, you are not a tree.

And after moving I am ready to start getting on with life. I am ready to start meeting new people, finding new places, talking to new friends and dating new men. I am ready to start being who I have always meant to be with the life I was meant to have. It feels like I had to put everything on hold to take care of others, something that was my honor and privilege to do, but now…

Now my life and all it hold belongs to me and I will make the most of every moment.

Life is short, too short to be anywhere you are not happy.  Change jobs, change relationships, change locations, if you are not happy.  Because you never know what might happen if you just move a little. Who knows, some fresh air in a new place may be just what you need.

The Grace of Struggle

My mother used to talk to be about needing to learn not only Grace, but the value in it.  Grace is defined as being much nicer or more forgiving to someone than what they deserve. We all know someone in our lives to which this can apply.  But it is so very hard to have Grace when someone has wronged us. Or is it?

Someone came at me recently, full on, verbal assault full of insults and meanness. Insulting my income, intelligence, dead mother and even my looks (they tried to tel me that I was not attractive – as if!). While firm boundaries were stablished, I did not fight back as I would have in return.  Because I recognized that this unprovoked attacked had nothing to do with me.

Hurt people, hurt people. Only those who are miserable lash out at others. And these people who need love the mosts, often are the hardest to love. But once you realize how hurt they must have been to use lashing out as a defense mechanism, then you start to feel more pity than anything.  They are like a wounded animal who is cornered and scared.  They blindly lash out to avoid being hurt further. These people are the ones who also need grace the most as well.

That does not mean that you should let them run over you or hurt you. Quite the opposite actually.  But once4 you realize that what they are doing has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with what is going on inside them and the internal demons they are fighting within themselves, they really can’t hurt you at all.  Still firm boundaries should be in place, because no oner should be allowed to be a disrespectful bully. But handle them with more care than you think they deserve.

Not because they deserve it, but because they need it. Often those who come across as they more scary or fierce are so to hide their own hurt, fear and vulnerability. And no matter how bad you are hurt, never let yourself become like them.  Have enough Grace top forgive yourself the mistakes you have made, and then you will find the Grace to forgive others as well.

 

The New in the Beginning

After all the anxiety and all of the drama, blood, sweat, tears, hard work and all of the everything…the move is finally done.  My things have been delivered and it is just a matter of unpacking and settling in.

This new chapter in my life has started and it is exciting. New air, new places, new favorites, new everything. Once I stopped limiting myself, that is when my world started opening up, a lesson I will not soon forget.

And now there is making this place a home, warm and comfy, where friends and family feel welcome. A place for new memories and where nothing will harm me.  A safe place, a shelter from the world, called home.

All that I want is right in front of, this empty canvass called life. It can be whatever I would like it to be. I have written extensively that we can build the life that we want if we go after what makes us happy, what makes us feel fulfilled in life. We make our own rules in this life, we decide how we want our lives to be. And for me, this is a new beginning full of every possibility imaginable.

And I feel lighter for the decision.  I am no longer weighed down by those who would hang on for what can be given, no one to take advantage. There are no bad memories here, only the thrill of the unknown and what night be coming next.

This is a decision that was made a few years ago, and I should have acted upon it much sooner than I did.  But fear kept me in place, something I will never allow to happen again. And those friends are not left behind, they traveled with me in my heart and we still text and talk daily.  It is as if they are right there, and they are.

Life is short and time is precious.  Go after what you want to build the life you only dreamed of.  A life well lived and well loved.

Yes You Can

We all have those moments were we doubt we can do what needs to be done.  OR those moments where we make a decision then realize that we actually have to do it. And that might be hard and require a lot of us.  But much of what we accomplish in life isn’t easy.  And those things that require a lot of hard work are often worth it.

I recently made a decision in my life, one that required a lot of hard work and quick thinking.  I wasn’t sure if I could do it alone.  But what I didn’t realize is that I was never alone to begin with.  I had those who loved me around and they helped with not only the decision, but making it a reality.

There was a lot of anxiety about it, there was a long drive, there was drama and there was the resolution. And now, looking out across this new space in my life, I am happy and content. The risk, the hard work, the all of it, was worth it.

But change is often precipitated by discomfort and discontent or confusion.  So do not be afraid of those times and feelings.  That is when we grow and learn that which we are truly capable.  Those goals that we didn’t think we could reach, those things we didn’t think we could do, if we stretch, believe, pray and work hard, we can often do them. And it may be easier that you think.

So don’t give up. Don’t limit yourself.  Instead ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t afraid?  What would you do if you didn’t care what other people thought of you?  What would you do?  Then stop making excuses and go after the life that you want.

That is a powerful lesson I learned recently. I had limited myself and what I could do.  And once I made the decision to do what would do if I wasn’t afraid…everything lined up.  Friends went out of their way to help, and support was around every corner.  Every single person was supportive, but to be honest, once I made the decision, it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway, as I am quite stubborn that way.

So never let your life be ruled by your fear or limitations, or other’s opinions.  You make the rules in your life, not them. Every decision you make in life is either based on love or fear.  Those decisions made in love will always be the right ones – love of yourself, love of another, love of your career, love of looking for something more or better in this life.

Life is short.  Always listen to your heart and your gut, because they will never lead you wrong. And believe in yourself above everything else. Because whether you think you can or not, you’re right. So you might as well believe you can. Even if you fail, you tried. And you’ll have some great stories along the way.

Murphy’s Law

We are all familiar with Murphy’s Law about whatever can go wrong, will. I think that is especially true with moves. This move in particular. The movers were to show up in the morning. They call – the wheel has fallen off the trailer and they had to get it fixed. They will be here about 2:30pm.They call again at 2. As it turns out, the second wheel feel off and they had to get that one fixed as well. Now the arrival time is 7pm. They call at 6:30pm, they won’t be there until 8:30…can we reschedule for in the morning?

At some point you just have to laugh. Getting upset and bent out of shape won’t fix anything, so you might at well laugh, shake your head and make the best of the situation.

And so I get another night in my old place. Another night to relax, sleep in my bed, mentally and emotionally prepare for the move, and all that comes with it. And honestly, I guess it could have been worse. At least the third wheel didn’t fall off.

The worst thing is perhaps that I do not have my car and cannot get coffee (the coffee maker is packed). My car is at the new location, and a wonderful person was there for the delivery and took care of things on that end, which is much appreciated. There are people who have helped me and without whom I would not have been able to do this move. He was one of the people and that was one of the more important things that needed to happen. You’re definitely other people who have helped me in a assisted, and I am forever grateful.

Life is short. Make the best of whatever situations you have been given. And then maybe Murphy’s :aw won’t be so bad after all.