Day: January 24, 2020
When I was 18, one of my best friends, Rex, who was my first boss in radio, asked me what my theme song was? At the time I did not really understand the significance of the question. But I answered honestly. And oddly enough, that song is still my theme song now, almost 30 years later.
And when I told him, he was not surprised. He smiled and said he should have known and said it was a great song. And we all have a theme song, don’t we? That song that comes on, and we instantly feel out power and confidence.
I hadn’t thought about my theme song in a long time, and then I heard it on the radio tonight. And I know that my friend Rex is sending me a message from Heaven. See, you can do it. stop doubting yourself, I can hear him whisper.
And I am reminded of something he wrote for me about 15 years ago. We all need someone in our corner like Rex was in mine.
Relationship: former boss, her photographer, friend
How you met: job interview
First impression: Electricity. You’ve heard of a wolf in sheep’s clothing? A woman in girl’s clothing.
How long you’ve known him/her: since ’91.
Straight or other: very straight without preconcieved notions.
Age: WAY apart
Occupation if he/she weren’t doing what they’re doing now: actress, model, councellor.
Most positive memory: The way she stuck by when I didn’t think anyone would.
Most attractive feature: her smile… but don’t forget her legs.
Most attractive personality trait: Makes you feel you’re the center of the universe; pixie innocence with a Bond girl’s suave.
Most glaring weakness: Doesn’t know what she has.
Hidden attribute(s): A cast iron core encased in electric velvet; PHENOMENAL intellect.
Reminiscent song: “Sister Golden Hair” by America.
Synopsis: Beauty and grace, inside and out; capable of transmitting it, too. When she leaves a room it’ll feel empty.
Any surprises: Willing to try anything within the bounds of reason and her mores: a bit of a gambler.
Angers at: People who pick on the smaller and the infirm. People who condescend to her, too.
Lingering impression: You’ll remember her and you won’t know why.
Biggest misconception: That she’s an airhead.
If he/she were and animal?: dolphin, probably.
Ideal job: Executive in talent development at a features/self-help magazine.
Ideal pet: probably a fish; she’s always in motion and they require little care.
Liquor: Brandy or cognac but could probably drink you under the table in bourbon.
Loves: Any kind of art which took S O U L to produce; painting, music, visual, dance, writing, motion picture/video, etc.
Would you recommend him/her as a friend/other?: Top of the list.
My theme song:
Pack ‘n Pray
My mother taught me many important things in this life, in her life, and one of them was that you shouldn’t throw a pity party for too long. And, regretfully, that is what I have been doing. A move is a move is a move. There is no need to have such a pity party about it. I am starting to get on my own nerves.
Instead I will pray and pack and have faith i the process. That is hard for a person like me. I am not a control freak by any means, but I have had to move mountains and cause earthquakes to get things done before…and that is hard to stop and breath when something so big is on the horizon.
And sometimes it takes much more strength to trust and relinquish than it does to be in charge. Because are we really ever in charge? I don’t think so. And that is one of the4 great lessons I must learn in life. The tactics that were used to survive will no longer serve you when you are thriving. When I had no choice but to be strong and make thigs happen, I did.
But what if I didn’t have to be so strong anymore? What if my strength now could be…vulnerability? What if my strength could be breathing and stepping away? What if my strength could be in Trusting? What if my strength could be in Peace?
So I will trust. And breath. And pray. And have faith. And I will sleep peace. I don’t have to beat my chest to prove how strong I am. I already know.
Life is short. Too short to always be in survival mode. At some point, we have to relax.
I am the one who can fade the heat
The one they all say just can’t be beat
I’ll shoot it to you straight, and look you in the eye
Packing it Up
They say that cleaning out your house is very cathartic. Decluttering has power. While I cannot disagree with either of these statements, I can also say that say that can be very emotional. Going through all of my parent’s things, deciding what tp through away and what top keep, it is quite an emotional roller coaster.
And there are piles of things everywhere. There is everything I am packing, everything I still have yet to pack, things that are being thrown away, and everything that is going to Goodwill. It looks like a bomb has gone off in the house.
But in between panicking over what still needs to be done, there is excitement that is creeping in. A new place. With no bad memories. With new people and new places. I get to find my favorite neighborhood places. The best place to get coffee, or breakfast, or a salad, or Thai food, or pizza. I’ll meet new neighbors, find new places to hike and run, and so much more.
But first I have to get through this move and all the packing, wading through little pieces of my heart over the last 17 years here.
I want to breath new air, feel new rain on my skin, see a new sunrise and a new sunset. I want to see the stars and the moon from a different angle. I want a new hope and a new perspective. I want to close my eyes, spread my arms out and fall without fear of landing on my ass. I am to believe again and feel that joy in my heart.
This is also an exercise in patience and trusting the process. Both are very hard for me as once I make a decision, I am impatient in making it happen. As anxious as I am, I am also ready to get all of it over with and be in the new house. And whether I like it or not, whether I have the patience or not, I have to trust the process. I have to believe that it will all turn out as it should.
Life is short. Time is precious. Work hard, play hard, pray harder, and believe more.