With Intention

Intention is defined as a thing intended; an aim or plan. And that is my plan for this year.  I am living with intention. OK, that’s nice…but what does that mean, exactly?

For me, living with intention means that you make a decision every single morning, that this is what you are going to do, or that will be my attitude.

Most assume that being happy, productive and well adjusted just magically happens. It doesn’t.  Being happy and having a good life takes work – every day.  Every day you must make the decision to be strong, happy, productive and reach your personal and professional goals.  Every day you make the decision to exercise, or to be kind or to rest, or be more healthy, or whatever it is you want to be. Every. Day.

And every day you do your best, with your full intention to do you best.  Does that mean that you always give 100% and succeed?  No, not at all. But it does mean that you try. And when you try, you forgive yourself the rest and move on to the next day.

So with that said, this year, my intention is to be more loving to myself.  I am very hard on myself and expect perfection all the time.  I will forgive myself the mistakes and have as much compassion for myself as I do others. I need to be less of a people pleaser and say no more, especially when it goes against my gut feeling.  And I will be more careful about those I do help. I every day, I will leave the past behind and work through the grief.  This year, is the year I say goodbye the the G word. And this is the year that I find Joy. This will also be the year that I find a true partner. Someone who loves as deep as I. And every day, I will decide these things.

Life is short. Live it with intention.  Be committed to being the best you can be every single day. It’s not easy, but we were never promised easy.  Not everyone has a great life, but then, not everyone does the hard work it takes either. I promise you, it’s worth it.

“Do not be dismayed at the brokenness of the world.  All things break, And all things can be mended.  Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.” – L.R. Knost

9 in 2.5

There are times in our lives when we stand up and take a look around to see where we are.  And we also look behind us to see how far we have come. I have often said that if you take baby steps, one day, one heartbeat at a time, you will be amazed at how far you have traveled when you take a look back.  A million steps and heart beats later, you can feel proud as you barely remember who you were that many steps ago.

January marks 2.5 years since I lost 9 immediate family members in 1 year. I mention this not for sympathy, but exactly the opposite.  I want to take a moment to be proud of how far I have come. It has been hard. There have been some bad moments, a few  tantrums, and some melt downs along the way, but overall, I have handled it well.

I have handled estates and real estate, repairs and contractors after hurricane Michael. I have handled doctors and news of terminal conditions. I have handled businesses and investments, wills and last wishes. I have handled bad news, difficult choices and last conversations. I have handled anger targeted at me, even when I was not at fault. And I have lashed out at others, both justly and unjustly. I have handled bodies and final arrangements and more tears than there are stars in the sky. There are moments of which I am not proud, or would do differently, but everyone human does the best they can at any given moment. I did it, all, but it took a heavy toll.

I have prayed with desperation and pleading, and every time God has given me the strength and Grace needed.

And, even though I am far from perfect, I have handled it well. I have mostly kept my integrity, my honor, and my sense of self. Which is hard to do when you feel you have lost the entire world and all of your roots. I have managed to avoid the pitfalls of too much alcohol and other self medication temptations. I have prayed, and cried, and worked hard to be OK.

And there is still work to do, as grief overload takes time, effort and intention to get through. But here I am. The worst part is over, and now it is time for maintenance and fine tuning.  I have lived through the worst, now it is time to build the best.

Life is short.  Whatever happens, and whatever issues come along the way, face them head on. Take responsibility for your issues, deal with them. It takes strength, courage and patience and love – from yourself and others.  But trust me, it is worth it.