My Favorite Aunt

Aunts are special people in our lives.  Not our parents or grandparents, they are usually the cool people with whom we can talk and and they tell us all kinds of great stories.  And that was my Aunt Mae, my favorite aunt.  She was funny, and generous, and kind and bossy and wonderful. And even though we did not see each together that often, mostly at family reunions, I always loved talking with her every chance I could.  And she gave the best hugs. And if she gave you a compliment, you better believe it was sincere.

She lived a long life, in her 90’s, and had many adventures.  And I will miss her dearly. I imagine her embracing her beloved husband, my Uncle Doyle, and them laughing, having a great time catching her up with my parents and other family members. Soon, they will welcome another one of my aunts, not far behind.

Life is short, even when you live in your 90s. Don’t take of if for granted. Appreciate every minute. And always, ALWAYS say I love you to those you care about, because you never know when it might be the last time you see them.

And no matter what, Aunt Mae taught me to always, always have adventures.

 

 

Taking Charge

We all have those defining moments in our lives where it feels like God and the universe and everyone else is trying to tell us something. This seems to have been a long process trying to figure it out. What do I do now, that I do not have anyone for which to care? What is it that I want? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? Where do i want to go?

Recently a good friend asked me where I would be if I was’t afraid. And his question stuck me down to my bones. We had been talking about why I chose Charleston over Texas 18-24 months ago. I chose Charleston because it was an easier move to make by myself – a five hour relocation drive rather than a `14+ plus one.

And he just laughed and asked what was I afraid of? “I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I can’t do it alone,” I replied, choking back the tears of raw emotion. I had never said that fear out loud. “But you have faced the worst of the worst, alone, and have come out just fine. Remember who you are. You are fierce. You can do anything. Where would you be if you were not afraid?”I told him that I would be where I originally wanted – if I thought I could do it alone. He smiled and chastised me for letting a little obstacle like a difficult move get it the way of what i wanted. “So what if it means an uncomfortable drive for a day? DO IT, if that is what you want. And I will help you.”

And all this time, I have planned to move away at the end of the lease, before he came in and made it about him and his family. Before that it was about me and what I wanted. And so it shall be again.

And so I take a trip to sign the lease, to finalize my plans, to pray that God points me in the direction that I should. I must have faith in this part, which is so very hard.I love who I love, that cannot be changed. However, I can make this time about me. I can follow where I want to go, instead of putting that aside for others. And maybe that is the lesson – to know that I can do it on my own, even if that is not how it was supposed to be. Because a fresh start is full of everything in the entire world, right there waiting.

The fact is honestly, it’s incredibly rough since July, 2016, and now it’s 2020 and it’s time to make some changes in my life. I cannot complain about being stuck or feeling like I’m in a rut if I’m not willing to do whatever it takes be happy. Life is about taking risks and making changes and praying sincerely t’god. And I pray that God lights my path and makes it so incredibly beautiful and amazing but there is nowhere else I would rather be.

And so I go, a little shaky, but I’ll be alright. I have contacts, and friends, and support, and possibilities. And so what if I fail? At least I am doing it. And that is the biggest decision of all.So this will be my last blog for a while as I pack, and plan and move and start. That is the thing about life – we get as many starts as we want. On my own terms. And to those eyes that read…if you want to know more, you shall just have to pick up the phone and ask.

Walk Away Baby Girl

If a man doesn’t treat you right, walk away.  If a man doesn’t keep his promises to you, or to make the effort to work at the relationship to do whatever it takes to keep you and each other…walk away.

There are for too many men out there in the world than to settle for an arrogant boy who is more interested in playing games than being a real man.

Walk away, baby girl, walk away.

Move to another state, and even if you end up in his neighborhood, walk away.

I want a man who is willing to go the distance, who doesn’t give up, who is kind and gentle and who is in it for the long haul.  A man who is in it to win it, not someone who is going to bail after a few bad days or bad fights.  I want a man who will be there, through thick and thin. Because that is the kind of woman I am, and that is the kind of partner I deserve in return.

The Sub and the Dom and the Alpha

It became popular and mainstream with the 50 Shades of Grey series.  The Dominant  who abused the subordinate.  The “alpha”male who had to control and dominated his woman.  Who had to make more money than she and make sure he beat his chest and that everyone knew his power – especially her.

But in real life that is not how it works.  That is the thing about fantasy versus reality.  The REAL Dom, the true Alpha Male, never has to beat his chest. Because  True Alpha male, knows that it is the Sub (woman) who is in control and sets the boundaries.  It is the Dom’s responsibility to make sure that the Sub feels safe, and secure and protected at all times.  And only then, will the Dom Play within the boundaries that the Sub has set.

Most people think it is the Christian Grey,  the man who has to control and beats and tears down the woman who is the alpha male.  No, that is what the movies tell us. In real life, it is the man who speaks softly, the man who is kind and gentle and tender.  Exactly the opposite of what you would think, right? And there enlies the secret.

Confused?  Then you have no idea what it means to be a strong man.  A true man – a true gentleman, knows the secret – you let the woman set the pace, the woman set the boundaries and you let the woman go free. Because only when a woman is secure and loved and protected will she return of her own free will.

So all those men who think that because they make a lot of money, or have high ranking jobs that they are the kings or the alphas No, you are just assholes.  And assholes are a dime a dozen, nothing special at all. It’s how you make your partner feel that is important.

And that is the kind of man that I want – kind and gentle. A man who knows that the first rule is the relationship, is to make sure that the woman is happy.  Then the woman will take care of him.  It is not a contest of who get what the most, or who wins the most arguments or gets to say they are right moist of the time.  It is how honest you are, how much integrity you have, and if you keep your promises.

My father was a true Alpha male.  He never raised his voice to my mother,  He never mistreated, her, he never yelled at her or cussed at her.  He treated her with nothing but respect, and he made sure to played within her boundaries. And because of this, she was dedicated to him only. She, the alpha female, acquiesced because she knew, finally that she was safe.

And so I was reminded of this fact tonight. Only a true Dom knows how to make his Sub dedicated. Just like only a true Alpha Male knows how to make a woman truly smile. And that has nothing to do with money, or power or control. It is exactly the opposite.  So take note.

Life is short.  Spend it with a man who knows.