Be Strong in Joy

“Be strong, Ada. I have tremendous respect for you as one of the most deeply honest and loving people I have ever met. I know those traits, and a few well-chosen friends, will lead you back to joy soon enough.”

I received this message not quite 3 years ago from someone I had not heard from in a very long time. This person could always read my mood and what kind of day I had within 3 seconds of seeing me.

And at the time I read the message, I cried. Because it was such a beautiful message of encouragement and hope.

And finally, the joy is here, not just over the horizon or around the corner, but at my feet, close enough to touch. I can see it, smell it, feel it, taste it. After hundreds of prayers, thousands of baby steps and millions of heart beats, I feel joy bubbling up from every part of me. There is still a lot of work to be done, but it is all so close.

This fresh start, this new beginning, this new hope.  I am excited. The world is brimming with possibilities and joy.  Every day more prayers are answers.

So thank you for that message, friend. And you were right. While life isn’t perfect, it is joyful. And it is getting better every minute.

“I have a heart full of deep contentment, and joy. So much joy. I get to have this and I get to enjoy it.”

To Miss You

Theme Song

When I was 18, one of my best friends, Rex, who was my first boss in radio, asked me what my theme song was?  At the time I did not really understand the significance of the question. But I answered honestly. And oddly enough, that song is still my theme song now, almost 30 years later.

And when I told him, he was not surprised. He smiled and said he should have known and said it was a great song.  And we all have a theme song, don’t we?  That song that comes on, and we instantly feel out power and confidence.

I hadn’t thought about my theme song in a long time, and then I heard it on the radio tonight.  And I know that my friend Rex is sending me a message from Heaven.  See, you can do it. stop doubting yourself, I can hear him whisper.

And I am reminded of something he wrote for me about 15 years ago. We all need someone in our corner like Rex was in mine.

Relationship: former boss, her photographer, friend

How you met: job interview

First impression: Electricity. You’ve heard of a wolf in sheep’s clothing? A woman in girl’s clothing.

How long you’ve known him/her: since ’91.

Straight or other: very straight without preconcieved notions.

Age: WAY apart

Occupation if he/she weren’t doing what they’re doing now: actress, model, councellor.

Most positive memory: The way she stuck by when I didn’t think anyone would.

Most attractive feature: her smile… but don’t forget her legs.

Most attractive personality trait: Makes you feel you’re the center of the universe; pixie innocence with a Bond girl’s suave.

Most glaring weakness: Doesn’t know what she has.

Hidden attribute(s): A cast iron core encased in electric velvet; PHENOMENAL intellect.

Reminiscent song: “Sister Golden Hair” by America.

Synopsis: Beauty and grace, inside and out; capable of transmitting it, too. When she leaves a room it’ll feel empty.

Any surprises: Willing to try anything within the bounds of reason and her mores: a bit of a gambler.

Angers at: People who pick on the smaller and the infirm. People who condescend to her, too.

Lingering impression: You’ll remember her and you won’t know why.

Biggest misconception: That she’s an airhead.

If he/she were and animal?: dolphin, probably.

Ideal job: Executive in talent development at a features/self-help magazine.

Ideal pet: probably a fish; she’s always in motion and they require little care.

Liquor: Brandy or cognac but could probably drink you under the table in bourbon.

Loves: Any kind of art which took S O U L to produce; painting, music, visual, dance, writing, motion picture/video, etc.

Would you recommend him/her as a friend/other?: Top of the list.

My theme song:

Pack ‘n Pray

My mother taught me many important things in this life, in her life, and one of them was that you shouldn’t throw a pity party for too long. And, regretfully, that is what I have been doing.  A move is a move is a move. There is no need to have such a pity party about it.  I am starting to get on my own nerves.

Instead I will pray and pack and have faith i the process.  That is hard for a person like me. I am not a control freak by any means, but I have had to move mountains and cause earthquakes to get things done before…and that is hard to stop and breath when something so big is on the horizon.

And sometimes it takes much more strength to trust and relinquish than it does to be in charge.  Because are we really ever in charge? I don’t think so. And that is one of the4 great lessons I must learn in life. The tactics that were used to survive will no longer serve you when you are thriving.  When I had no choice but to be strong and make thigs happen, I did.

But what if I didn’t have to be so strong anymore? What if my strength now could be…vulnerability? What if my strength could be breathing and stepping away?  What if my strength could be in Trusting? What if my strength could be in Peace?

So I will trust. And breath. And pray. And have faith.  And I will sleep peace. I don’t have to beat my chest to prove how strong I am.  I already know.

Life is short.  Too short to always be in survival mode. At some point, we have to relax.

I am the one who can fade the heat

The one they all say just can’t be beat

I’ll shoot it to you straight, and look you in the eye

Packing it Up

They say that cleaning out your house is very cathartic.  Decluttering has power. While I cannot disagree with either of these statements, I can also say that say that can be very emotional.  Going through all of my parent’s things, deciding what tp through away and what top keep, it is quite an emotional roller coaster.

And there are piles of things everywhere. There is everything I am packing, everything I still have yet to pack, things that are being thrown away, and everything that is going to Goodwill. It looks like a bomb has gone off in the house.

But in between panicking over what still needs to be done, there is excitement that is creeping in.  A new place.  With no bad memories.  With new people and new places.  I get to find my favorite neighborhood places.  The best place to get coffee, or breakfast, or a salad, or Thai food, or pizza. I’ll meet new neighbors, find new places to hike and run, and so much more.

But first I have to get through this move and all the packing, wading through little pieces of my heart over the last 17 years here.

I want to breath new air, feel new rain on my skin, see a new sunrise and a new sunset. I want to see the stars and the moon from a different angle. I want a new hope and a new perspective. I want to close my eyes, spread my arms out and fall without fear of landing on my ass. I am to believe again and feel that joy in my heart.

This is also an exercise in patience and trusting the process.  Both are very hard for me as once I make a decision, I am impatient in making it happen. As anxious as I am, I am also ready to get all of it over with and be in the new house. And whether I like it or not, whether I have the patience or not, I have to trust the process. I have to believe that it will all turn out as it should.

Life is short. Time is precious. Work hard, play hard, pray harder, and believe more.

 

 

When You’re Right

There is such a thing as being a gracefull winner. Just like being a good loser, it is considered good sportsmanship. You don’t brag, you don’t gloat, you shake hands, tell them good game, smile and gracefully move forward.

But what about when the other person has been horrible to you, and you turn out to be right? Well, theoretically you should be graceful especially then. I would love to say that I am that good of a person. But I am not.

Sometimes it is necessary to gloat, and talk smack, and give that medicine right back. After all, if they can’t take it, they shouldn’t dish it out. And I feel no sympathy for those who are cruel, then get upset when they are treated like they treated others.

So if you find yourself in the position of being right…you should always be a gracious winner. But if, every now and then, you aren’t….then make sure you enjoy rubbing their nose in it, until it’s sore and red.

Life is short. Be good most of the time. Truly be the best person you can be, every day. The to 10% of the time…if you are going to be a bad winner….enjoy it.

I’ll be There

Maybe that’s the thing – when I grow up I was raised to believe there was no reason to protect men from women or women from Men. Because there was no reason for women to fear man, because the men protected, revered, respected, and provided everything that they needed. And women respected and revered Man too. And that’s the way it was. So they never separated us in church camp or church settings, or lock-ins, or all the youth events. They encouraged us to be together, because they trusted that the values that they instilled in us would carry us through.

Except when you get out there in the real world, and the world of eHarmony, and Match.com and Tinder, and Netflix and chill, and hook up and drop off, that’s really not the case, is it? When and where is it exactly  that women are respected and protected by men, and the women respect and treat the men kindly? When in this modern time and day and age of Kardashians, and lip injections, and bigger is best, and more is King, is simple kindness and respect revered, or even taught?

And so here I am, in middle age, being reminded that “That’s the stuff!” Because truly, it is. That’s the stuff that makes us smile, that makes us know that we matter, that makes us believe in ourselves and each other, and makes us believe in the dreams everything inside and outside of ourselves.

And so we hear of Grace and love and love and grace, but what exactly does that mean? I don’t know. I do know that I found it in those old teachings, when I was just a child, learning about what it meant to respect and love each other. And I wonder if it’s ever too late to return to that world?

Maybe we can’t change the world or when the Nobel Peace Prize or the Pulitzer. But do we really need to? What if every day, and every way, the people who are close to us in our lives, we treat with those old-fashioned values? What if we did that? What if we held a small Revolution within our own little world, in our own little circle? What if we all did that? What kind of Pulitzer Prize are Nobel Prize can we win if we all participated in that connectivity and respect of those around us?

So here it is, in the night, I’m broken-hearted, and overwhelmed, and wondering if I can do it all myself? That I am reminded of the peace, and love, and companionship, that I thought was in my past. As I look out in front of me, at those people who are helping me, and encouraging me, I know they want me to succeed.

I’m reminded that it doesn’t have to be anything sexual between a man and a woman, but good or best friends, can help help each other. I am reminded that it is the simple beauty and innocence of the human Spirit that keeps us going; it gives us faith, it gives us a hug, at each moment, it’s heartbeat, it’s Dream, It’s hope, each and every moment at a time, that gives us the strength, and probability, to persevere.

All of the love, all of the hearts, all of the dreams, all of the faith, all of those that love us and come before us, that energy culminates to bring to us to where we are right now.

And it is that beauty, that faith, that love, that Humanity, that allows us to move forward, even in our most broken hearted, even at our most flawed. Because it is when we are most troubled, that we are also our almost beautiful, and almost Human.

As I look in front of me, at the beautiful human being that is in front of me;  complicated, complex, and flawed,  I’m reminded of the humanity and Grace, and beauty. Extended to us in the circumstances by God.

Life is short. When you are heartbroken, and you need help, and you asked for someone to be there, if they say that they will be there, they should be.

If someone says that they have changed their mind, or they don’t love you anymore for whatever reason, walk away from them. Say “I don’t deserve you or your spirit or your goodness. I don’t deserve you and your life at all.” Let them be. If someone steps up, and says “Yes I will take this pain and I will shoulder it with you,” make sure to keep them close to you. Because that is the kind of person who is truly a rare gem indeed. And obviously someone you need to keep in your life, and appreciate always and forever.

The Signs

Once in a while, we all look for signs. Signs that we are on the right path, made the right decision, or just which direction to go. Sometimes it is for validation, sometimes it is for more. For me, seeing signs that I have made the right decision is happy validation, and a bit of a relief.

So when I discovered that the leak in the downstairs bedroom was back, I took it as a sign that it’s a good thing I am leaving. It’s like God and the Universe saying….”See, we told you you needed to go someplace else, because this is what would be waiting for you otherwise…”

It is clear that my future is not here and all the signs are pointing to such. It is amazing how the signs line up when you have made the right decision. I have prayed, cried, wondered and asked for opinions. And everything, all the signs are leaning in the same direction. There is such support that it is over whelming, and enough love that there can be no misunderstanding it.

I remember when I moved to Atlanta, and Ohio, and New York, and back to Atlanta. IT was hard, but all the signs were there. And the signs are here too.

Life is short. Make your decisions and do the best you can. Pray and look for the signs. Your gut feelings and all those signs will never lead you wrong.

Vested

Another one from 2 years ago.

Vested is defined as secured in the possession of or assigned to a person.  We search for being vested in out careers and in finance with our 401Ks, why not find a way to be vested in life. In our lives?

To me being vested means being in-vested. After all, isn’t that why we want our 401KS vested?  It’s free money, it multiplies and helps us attain our retirement goals.  To me, there is no better investment to make than in yourself.

What does that mean exactly?  That means making sure to take care of yourself so that your spirit, your goodness, you life-force, multiplies. I know what happens when you don’t take care of yourself and get run down.  You get beyond tired and weary.  It is an exhaustion that is felt from the tip of your soul to the bottom of your heart. And it can take years to recover and get your “You” back, to feel 100% again.

Taking care of yourself means getting enough rest, exercise and spiritual food.  We hear it all the time, to take care of yourself, almost to the point where it is cliche’ but there is a reason.  I spent years taking care of others before myself. It took it’s toll. When you are tired like that, down to your heart and soul, you cannot feel happiness or see the good in life because it simply takes too much energy.  So even the amazing is bland.  It’s like being sick on vacation, no matter how great the vacation is, you won’t enjoy it if you are sick.

Yet somehow along the way, taking care of ourselves has become synonymous for “being selfish.”  Except it’s not.  When you don’t take care of yourself, you become depleted and can no longer take care of others. You no longer have anything left to offer, and then you will only take from others.  Because you have to be replenished.  Better to do so before you reach empty rather than after.  Think about it, we don’t let our cars run out of gas before we fill up the tank, why would be do that with ourselves?

But it is more than that, taking care of yourself also means giving ourselves the compassion and forgiveness that we give to others. It is great to hold ourselves to a high standard, but we are all human, and no one is perfect.  Yet we beat ourselves up for not doing everything, being everything, accomplishing everything, and being perfect. Why do we do that?  Why do we give others the love and understanding that we do not allow our very selves to enjoy?

Take time for yourself, listen to some music, get rest, take your vitamins, breath fresh air. The model of doing for others to the detriment of yourselves is co-de pendant and unhealthy.  Maybe in the dark ages, when they had no technology, and science and medicine were in their infant stages.  But in this day and age, we should be able to take a break, invest in our own physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health.  Go to the doctor, or psychologist, or psychiatrist, or to yoga, or for a walk, or do what ever you need to do to be happy.

And if you don’t take care of yourself, then who will?  Whose responsibility is it?  Your job, big companies won’t do it. Corporations are looking our for the bottom line.  Your bank won’t do it.  And your family and friends have their own lives and issues to deal with.  Yes, we can lean on our loved ones, but if we won’t help ourselves, take cafe of ourselves, then why would we expect any one else to?  Bottom line is no one else will, so you have to love yourself enough to invest in yourself.

Be vested in yourself and your life.  We are so careful and considerate with our money, shouldn’t we be at least give the same consideration to our health and happiness? I want love to be so present in my life that it is tangible.  That love first has to start with myself.  And like any good investment, that love will multiply, until it envelops everyone in my presence.

For me, love always originates from God.  So I pray for His love, compassion and Grace to be passed on to me, And with His love passed on to me, I can invest it in myself, so that it will multiply and be shared with others.

Because i don’t just want to survive.  Or even just exist.  I want to live.

Rough Boy

Wrotethis 2 years ago. Enjoy:

We all have strength, we all have the ability to make it through hard times. And no matter how good you are at life, hard times will happen.  Because life happens.  The loss of job, break ups, divorces, loss of loved ones, can ll happen. The question is how to tap into that strength we all possess during the rough spots.

The easy answer is you just have to do it.  You make up your mind, reach deep down inside where the heart meets the soul, you pick yourself up my the bootstraps (or heart straps) and you get on with it.

Getting on with it, over it and to the other side of it may take some time. Because it takes some time for the dust to settle so you can see new the landscape clearly. The good news is that with confusion comes many possibilities.  Many think that feeling confused or even lost is a bad thing.  And it certainly feels like it.  Modern times would have us to believe that we are never supposed to feel either way, or even uncomfortable. And we are always supposed to be secure and know exactly where we are headed.

But feeling less that secure about where you are and the future means that change is happening. And change is necessary for growth.  There is a story told about how a lobster outgrows it’s shell.  During the time that the shell is too small, the lobster feels incredibly uncomfortable and must shed it’s old shell in order to grow and change into the next phase of it’s life.  After shedding the old shell, the lobster goes someplace safe to grow into the next shell.  When it reemerges, it is bigger, stronger, better and bigger than it was before.

But it had to be uncomfortable first.  The truth is that change is precipitated by discomfort. So when we are uncomfortable, that means that we=, our lives, our souls, are growing. And just like that lobster, once we get to the other side of the growth, we will be magnificent.

I have been through my own rough time and have written about it extensively.  That was part of my growth period.  And now that I am on the other side, I can see the growth.  It has not been easy. It was painful, confusing, uncomfortable and difficult.  But here I am.  And when you are on the other side, you can see how small the old “shell” was.  My old shell is for too small for me to step back into it now. But why would I want to?  At some point it would be even more uncomfortable to step back than to move forward.

I had a good life before, I was happy.  But I was not at my potential.  I would not have to possibilities in my path now if I had stayed in that life.  And I would have – but God had other plans.  So he made it too difficult for me to stay.

Confidence comes with getting to the other side.  You feel and know your strength and take pride in it.  You don’t have to shout it out, you are fine tucking it deep into the knowledge of yourself.

I know I am strong and capable.  I have endured more in the past 18 months than many go through in a lifetime.  I owe apologies to no one. I am better, finer, stronger, more compassionate now that I ever thought possible. And honestly it was not possible without the growth from the past 18 months. You know you have nothing to prove and have no interest in the audience.

We all have songs with which we identify, on of those for me is Rough Boy by ZZ Top.  The lyrics ring true, and even those who dislike me will tell you how tough and strong I am.  I shoot straight, have no times for games and can not only take the heat, but cool it as well. Whatever the truth is, I’ll look you in the eye while I tell it or take it. Whatever it is, God willing, I’m strong enough.  Because God made me strong, He made me rough and He made me to last.

And after the growth, and after the confidence of realizing your own strength, there is a peace of mind and a comfort that comes over you.  There is a feeling of that which is yours.  That which you have earned, and that which you intend to enjoy.  It is called life.  And it feels as if you are taking your first breath of fresh are coming out of a cold, stale room.

Because after you have been so strong. you feel happiness on a level that few others can understand. Only those who have been made of the same fire can comprehend. God got me through the tough spots, he gave me the strength to make it through the rough times. Now life, love, happiness, is mine for the taking.

“I am the one who can fade the heat
The one they all say just can’t be beat
I’ll shoot it to you straight and look you in the eye
So gimme just a minute and I’ll tell you why
I’m a rough boy, I’m a rough boy” – Rough Boy, ZZ Top

Truth

There are several truths that I have come across in my life. And this particular slide absolutely Nails three of them. Another truth but I believe in, is pay attention to how someone treats either children or someone who’s sick. If a man is mean to a child or those who are sick or weak, regardless of age, this is a horrible human being and not someone you want in your life. If someone is mean to a pregnant woman, that goes double. And of course you don’t want anyone in your life that’s cruel to an animal.

And if you notice there’s a theme: here: You basically don’t want any one who is mean. Mean people destroy any kind of Joy or happiness around them and the joy and happiness for others. Be smart, leave those mean people in the dust. And one thing I’ve also found, is mean people are most often the most miserable people. But that can’t be your problem. Walk away from them anyway.

Another truth is that people with compassion empathy and loyalty are the kinds of people you want in your life. Those are the kinds of people that will help multiply Joy, not completely stuck it out of the room. And a time when you should be celebrating – whether it’s a new job, or a new house, or a new baby, or a promotion – if someone is mean to you instead of celebrating with you, you just walk away. Actually run.

The people who should be in your life are going to be ones who celebrate with you, who help you, who when you tell them about your new job, or your new house, or anything good in your life at all, they will be the first ones to congratulate you and ask what they can do to help celebrate.

Life is short, spend it with those who are nice and kind and compassionate. Those mean people? They can go straight to hell. Who knows, with as miserable as they are, that may be the only place where they’re happy.

I Miss You

I was asked to post this again. So here it is. Enjoy!

I Miss You

To miss someone is defined as to discover or feel the absence of. But I think it is much more than that, You can notice someone is not there, but not miss them. When someone says “I miss you.” A certain feeling in conveyed. A feeling of not just noticing someone’s absence, but wishing for their return. Even that does not peg exactly what missing feels like.

To me, missing someone means much more. It means that you think about them, and think of them fondly.  That they pop into your head at different times during the day, like when you hear a song or something happens you would like to tell them, but can’t. It means that you want to know about what is happening with them, and you would like to reestablish a connection. It means you like them and wish them to be close. You wish they were here. You want to hear their voice, see their smile, be in their physical presence.

And what is the cure for this missing? Well, aside from the obvious –  spending time together, talking and bonding, there really isn’t anything to be done. You just, miss them. And maybe, if you are lucky, in time, they return or you don’t miss them as much. Until then, you keep busy, dive into work, distract your mind. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you just have to miss them anyway.

And to me, that is what it means to say I miss you.

The Shoulders of Giants

If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.” – Sir Isaac Newton

The move.  And the packing.  It is going amazingly well. And I am amazed at the outpouring of love and support. It is truly amazing. Friends are coming out of the woodwork to help. Last night at one of my many birthday dinners this month, friend volunteered to come over and pack. My sister and nephews have come over, and are coming over this weekend. Friends are offering to throw packing moving parties. One friend is even flying in from California to help. Offers to drive, to help pay, to pack, to help plan, to HELP and all over the place.

And all of them have said the same thing: “I am helping you after you have helped me.” That is called Karma, and it is quite amazing.

Because the truth is that I do need help with this move.  I never thought I would be doing this “alone.” And I guess I am not…because of all the love and support and help that is coming to me now. Every time I get overwhelmed or scared, someone is there, encouraging me.  They call, they text, they instant message, they show up in person. And a text from one of my dearest and longest friends, made me smile and kept my heart warm all day.  Another text from another dear friend, checking in to make sure that this birthday is the best it has ever been. Which is good, because this is very new territory.

And they encourage me not only with the move, but with life.  Yes, you should take belly dancing classes. And the most recent – YES, you should do online dating again, NOW.  I swore I would never do it again. but…maybe this time, in a new place, it would be best. A new start? Yes, I believe so. Why not go all the way with the new? No sense in pining away for someone who doesn’t want me. Maybe it is time to step out with a new man. At least for coffee. So I dusted off my old profile and looked around. Ugh. Maybe tomorrow.

And so it goes, with the move, with life, with my birthday, with the new year. With all of it. If it seems I am accomplishing a lot it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants.  Giants who are my champion. Giants who cheer for me, care for me, encourage me and push me beyond my comfort zone to reach new heights. No doubt this will be an amazing time, and no matter where I live, there my friends will always be my cheering section.

Life is short, and when you find friends who truly want the best for you, who will help you, check on you, love you and accept you, appreciate them.. Keep them. Love them back so beautifully that they will never doubt how much you value them.

Best Birthday Ever

I was raised to believe that your birthday is a sacred day to be celebrated. If you were conceived in love, and born in love, then your birthday should be celebrated with love.

This birthday had everyone I loved in it. Everyone one I wanted to be there, was there, without exception. Not a single person missing. And it was wonderful. And gifts to open, wine to drink, stories to tell, a wonderful delicious dinner and truly everything I ever wanted my birthday to be. There was laughter and music and smiles and love. Most of all love. You can never have too much love, after all.

So this year is shaping up to me quite amazing with more joy and happiness than I thought possible. I am truly fortunate. And life is amazing and only getting better by the day.

Life is short. Celebrate with those you love, Because those who want to be there, will be. And those are the ones you give yourself and your heart to.

Belly Dancing

Sometimes in life, we need to do what is fun. And what better time than after I move? And I am thinking abiut belly dancing – a great way to meet people, have fun and stay fit. I am at my ideal weight, looking good and feeling good too. As I get more and more excited about my move, the more plans I make. And one of my goals is to have fun.

In belly dancing, you use extremely isolated muscles, so even though you are barely moving, sweat is pouring out of you are you’re exhausted afterwords. But it is fun, as you shake, and shimmer. And it makes you feel extremely sexy to boot. Sign me up.

The move will be a new beginning for me, so there is definitely reason to celebrate and have much fun. The belly dancing it is! And I’m sure there will be blogs of the pink tank trying to dance, which will be entertaining for all.

Life is short. Do what’s fun, see what’s brings you Joy, and do what makes you smile.

With Intention

Intention is defined as a thing intended; an aim or plan. And that is my plan for this year.  I am living with intention. OK, that’s nice…but what does that mean, exactly?

For me, living with intention means that you make a decision every single morning, that this is what you are going to do, or that will be my attitude.

Most assume that being happy, productive and well adjusted just magically happens. It doesn’t.  Being happy and having a good life takes work – every day.  Every day you must make the decision to be strong, happy, productive and reach your personal and professional goals.  Every day you make the decision to exercise, or to be kind or to rest, or be more healthy, or whatever it is you want to be. Every. Day.

And every day you do your best, with your full intention to do you best.  Does that mean that you always give 100% and succeed?  No, not at all. But it does mean that you try. And when you try, you forgive yourself the rest and move on to the next day.

So with that said, this year, my intention is to be more loving to myself.  I am very hard on myself and expect perfection all the time.  I will forgive myself the mistakes and have as much compassion for myself as I do others. I need to be less of a people pleaser and say no more, especially when it goes against my gut feeling.  And I will be more careful about those I do help. I every day, I will leave the past behind and work through the grief.  This year, is the year I say goodbye the the G word. And this is the year that I find Joy. This will also be the year that I find a true partner. Someone who loves as deep as I. And every day, I will decide these things.

Life is short. Live it with intention.  Be committed to being the best you can be every single day. It’s not easy, but we were never promised easy.  Not everyone has a great life, but then, not everyone does the hard work it takes either. I promise you, it’s worth it.

“Do not be dismayed at the brokenness of the world.  All things break, And all things can be mended.  Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.” – L.R. Knost

9 in 2.5

There are times in our lives when we stand up and take a look around to see where we are.  And we also look behind us to see how far we have come. I have often said that if you take baby steps, one day, one heartbeat at a time, you will be amazed at how far you have traveled when you take a look back.  A million steps and heart beats later, you can feel proud as you barely remember who you were that many steps ago.

January marks 2.5 years since I lost 9 immediate family members in 1 year. I mention this not for sympathy, but exactly the opposite.  I want to take a moment to be proud of how far I have come. It has been hard. There have been some bad moments, a few  tantrums, and some melt downs along the way, but overall, I have handled it well.

I have handled estates and real estate, repairs and contractors after hurricane Michael. I have handled doctors and news of terminal conditions. I have handled businesses and investments, wills and last wishes. I have handled bad news, difficult choices and last conversations. I have handled anger targeted at me, even when I was not at fault. And I have lashed out at others, both justly and unjustly. I have handled bodies and final arrangements and more tears than there are stars in the sky. There are moments of which I am not proud, or would do differently, but everyone human does the best they can at any given moment. I did it, all, but it took a heavy toll.

I have prayed with desperation and pleading, and every time God has given me the strength and Grace needed.

And, even though I am far from perfect, I have handled it well. I have mostly kept my integrity, my honor, and my sense of self. Which is hard to do when you feel you have lost the entire world and all of your roots. I have managed to avoid the pitfalls of too much alcohol and other self medication temptations. I have prayed, and cried, and worked hard to be OK.

And there is still work to do, as grief overload takes time, effort and intention to get through. But here I am. The worst part is over, and now it is time for maintenance and fine tuning.  I have lived through the worst, now it is time to build the best.

Life is short.  Whatever happens, and whatever issues come along the way, face them head on. Take responsibility for your issues, deal with them. It takes strength, courage and patience and love – from yourself and others.  But trust me, it is worth it.

2020

A new year is a time that we all tend to take stock in ourselves and make plans. Resolutions. And why do we tend to do this during the new years? There is something psychological about a new years and a new start. And I am no difference. Except that it was not my original plan.

Or actually, it was. It was always my plan to leave at the end of the lease. And now I am following up with action. And that feels good. To be doing things for me. But this movement goes beyond changing my address at the end of a lease, it marks the first time on over 10 years that I am doing what is best for me.

So this year, I will only have those who are supportive and kind in my life. That does not mean that I only want yes people. But I will only have those in my life who bring true friendship, not those just using me for what they need, then talking bad about me behind my back. I want friends who volunteer help, as they are with this move.

I will only have men in my life who bring something positive. I want a partner, who will woo me, who will give me flowers on my birthday, who stays dedicated when things get hard, who loves me even when I am not love-able. Because that is the kind of partner I am. When I love, I love fiercely and wholly, sticking with him through all the ugly spots.

I want a man with a high EQ, who understands when I am quiet. Or when I cry. Or when I am insecure, and instead of blaming me, hugs me and loves me through it. I am a strong woman, but I human, and have needs too. I want a man who asks what they can do to help.

And I am done with people whom I have to carry. I am done with moochy roommates, two faced half friends, and those who always need money because they can’t get their lives under control. Everyone gets in a tough spot every now then, and I am Happy to help. But I will no longer be available to those who are constantly on the edge of financial ruin. I will no longer be available to those who have their best interests at heart. And I will no longer be available to those who do not reciprocate.

This is a reset for my entire life. Those two want to be in my life, must be kind, and helpful and wonderful and reciprocate. They must be willing to stay, even when it’s hard, and they must love, just as hard and as much as I, whether in friendship or more.

And more than anything, I pray, with all of my heart, that the path forward is so beautiful and magnificent and bright, that all other paths pale in comparison. I will go where I need to be, just make the path and direction so wonderful that there is no other choice.

And that is what 2020 will be.

The Prince and Princess

The is a breed of woman that cannot live in captivity. A breed of woman that cannot live under the thumb of another. They must be free and live in a partnership. Not told what to do, but a place where two decide what to do together. And it doesn’t matter how big or wonderful or beautiful the castle is, because even a royal castle can turn into a beautiful prison.

We see that in Megan Markle and the royal family. How many young girls dream of marrying a prince and being a princess? Almost every Disney movie is based on this premise. And several major movies and as well and Hallmark movies. But being a “princess” has its price. Some women can do it, and some, like me, can’t.

I don’t care about how big, or how pretty or how much money that big house costs, I want a PARTNER. Without a partner, that big house means nothing. A partner to build a life with, a partner to plan with and a partner to share and build dreams with. I want a partner who sticks around when things get hard, not someone who bolts at the first sign of trouble. Life is hard, relationships are hard, and living in the same space can be hard too. Being in a long lasting relationship takes work, and you have to be willing to do the work it takes to make it last.

And that is where Prince Harry comes in. Instead of leaving Megan Markle…he is right there with her, holding her hand, supporting her and making a life with her – separate from the Monark, away from captivity. THAT is when makes him a prince in my eyes, not his bloodline. He helps her, standsby her, even when things are difficult. He doesn’t leave her to figure it out on her own, or to punish her for doing things he doesn’t like. He is there, being a man, her partner, making sure that she is protected and never alone.

Most men don’t understand the difference between making a woman live in captivity and supporting each other so that you are never alone. Only a man who has an exceptionally high EQ will understand the difference between support and control. Only a man with exceptionally high EQ will know how to support without being a dictator.

And that is why all of us have eyes on the Prince and Princess. Not because they are royalty, but because of how he treats her, and supports her, and lovers her. And that is what we are all hoping for. It is definitely what I want want and the kind of man who I will marry.

Repeat

Wrote this back in 2012, and it is as relevant today as it was then. Enjoy.

Life is messy. We have to, in our lifetime, deal with betrayal, lies, heartache and false friends. But in the end, those that try to harm us and hurt us only make us stronger. Better. And they hate that. The best revenge truly is simply being happy and living a fabulous life. And when you move on, happy and confident, it is your life returned to you. And each time we feel pain, we feel it ia little deeper in the soul, until we are the beautiful, complex works of art we were meant to be. But life must carve out those deep spaces in us first.

When I was 19 I read a book called the Prophet. Amazing book. It changed my life. In it was the passage that said:

“But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.”

I decided right then and there, at the tender age of 19, that I would live a life that was full, full of love, sorrow, joy, tears, laughter and much, much more. I decided that I would make my life the great epic novel it could be. I have soared above the clouds and crashed below the ocean. I have made mistakes and paid dearly for them. And I would do it all over agian. Because in the end, everyone, those who like me and those who do not, will never be able to deny that I lived and loved with my whole heart.

But this life wears you out sometimes, wounds you, gives you scars. They heal, yes, but scars they leave just the same. And then we wake up, all tattered and torn, and wonder about our lives and get very introspective. I wonder if the choice I made to live life to the fullest, both the good and the bad, was the right choice? Then I read the following quote from a book titled Kisses from Katie:

I was like the Velveteen Rabbit. I was tattered and worn out. I’d been hurt and scarred and banged around a bit in the past year, but God was using all those things to help me become real. I was coming to understand that what it means to be real is to love and be loved until there is nothing left. And when there is nothing left, and we feel we’re all in pieces, God begins to make us whole. He makes us real.

These words spoke to my heart and soul. And I realized that only in living life to the fullest, can we truly honor God’s plan for us.  Only in expereincing and loving till there is nothing left, can we honor the life we are meant to live.  The desire to live a meaningful life of purpose is universal. It is in our bones, our blood, our humanity. We strive.

Because in this life, what really matters? It is not the big house or expensive things, though they may give us enjoyment. But they are not real. What is real is loving, playing, working, kissing, living, with all your heart. Those who hurt us, show us who we are supposed to be, and give us the life we are supposed to have. Because they help us reach the heights we only would have imagined.   those people who hurt us, they carve us into those beautiful works of art that we never would have been had we not encountered their pain. So I thank all those who helped make me real.

Lining Up and Falling In

I have long had a theory about life – actually I have many theories, but this blog will only discuss one. When you make a decision and it brings you Peace, then it is the right one. This week I made a huge decision that will impact the everything in my life. And I am at Peace with it. Not only is there Peace, everything is lining up to make it happen.

It appears that stepping out of your comfort zone isn’t so uncomfortable at all, once you take the first steps and start the momentum. Once you take a deep breath and pray and trust. And once you have enough faith to believe that you can indeed do it.

People are coming forward, finding me, and volunteering to help make the journey easier. Everything is approved and is laid out, the plans unfolding even before I have to make any effort to make it so. And this is not about it being easy. because we were never promised an easy life. And sometimes you do have to fight and put a lot of effort into what you want. Most of the time actually, because your dreams are always worth fighting for. But sometimes, God and the Universe give you gifts. And when they do, you should appreciate them.

And so I am incredible thankful for all that is lining up and falling into place. I am thankful for people who are not supportive falling by the wayside, I am thankful for those who are stepping up to the place and enriching this decision.But most of all, I am thankful that this path is being lit up for me so beautifully that there is nothing else that I can see and no other path that I want to take.

Life is short. Take the risk, step out of the comfort zone, and live a little. Even if you fail, you tried. But what if you don’t? What if you succeed? That alone is worth the chance.

The Sweet Taste of Risk

Risk management. What is that? There are many,times in life where we need to take risks. Where it is healthy to step out of our comfort zone amd shake things up.

And that is where I find myself, taking huge risks, taking chances and totally out of the comfort zone in order to make a life that I want.

Life is short. Even if it’s hard, even if you lose sleep, even if others say you are crazy, if you have faith then,what they thunk doesn’t matter. Go for it.

Tomorrow

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. – Albert Einstein

My Mom always taught me that life is bigger than any one person or any one event.  Or even many events. She always taught me to say: My life is bigger than that, and to never stop reaching or trying or questioning or being curious.

And so in that spirit, tomorrow start the possibility of a new adventure, and that is exciting.  It is something to look forward to. It is something about which to get excited, And it is something to make me smile.  And after consulting, and deciding and and soul searching I am ready for the possibilities.

When you step up and take control of your destiny instead of just going where the tide takes you, it is creating the life you want.  But it is also scary, and unsure and unknown.  It is change, and as a rule, humans don’t do well with change.

But the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And so if I want something different, I have to do something different. And after the past 3 years, I need something different.

And I cannot help but think of both my Mom and Aunt Mae, two adventurers who were ahead of their time. And I wish I could tell them all about what tomorrow brings. But I know that on some level they will know.

Life is short, have adventures and take chances. And pray, with all your heart, that the path is so well lit and so beautiful that there is truly no other way to go.

 

In Your Corner

That is the thing about those who truly love you – they build you up and encourage you in times when you aren’t sure. The people who love you, will believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. Yes, they will kick you in the bum when you need it too, but more than anything, they will believe in you. And as I slowly talk about my plan, expecting to be met with hesitation…instead I am getting encouragement and praise.

And when I tell them my fears, I am swiftly reminded that I am a badass who can do anything. “Why are you so scared? Remember that time you drove a fully loaded UHaul truck with no place to live and no job, with a only plan to have both by the end of the day…and you did. Now you have a job and plenty of money…the rest is easy.”

“You left New York, with NOTHNG – no job, no money, no place to live – with only the clothes on your back. You got on that train and started a new life. You are fearless. You do what no one else can.”

“You’ve been operating with no safety net and no one to catch you for a long time now, you know you can do this. And when have you ever listened to negative anyway? That’s when you usually dig in your heels.”

“You are afraid it might be hard? Kind of like handling the entire estate, by yourself? You’ve got this. And we got you. You are going to do this this with the same fearless grace and flare as you always do.”

“You’ve always been able to pull a miracle or two out of a hat. Just pray and follow God. You are strong enough, you can and you will do whatever you set your mind too. So stop worrying.”

“You’ve done the worst things things and the hardest things already, this will be easy compared to all that. You are strong, and will come out of this just fine. All you have to do is pray, and remember who you are.”

And that is the thing about those who truly love you. They are not just “yes men,” they pick you up when you are down and build you up when you are out. They do not criticize when you are sick, or scared, or worried or weak. They roll up their sleeves and plan the adventures with you. They hold you until you can hold yourself.

And after an ex boyfriend who constantly, even now, tells me everything he thinks is bad and wrong about me, his perception of all of my faults and “friends” who bring up old disturbances, it gets in your head a bit. So be very careful of the company you keep. Instead being encouraging and tender, they were disparaging me. And that is not right.

 
“Anger issues? No sweetie, the opposite – You give way too many chances to those who aren’t worthy. And you listened to an asshole for far too long. You do get irritable when tired, but are a good person. If you weren’t you would have moved down there just to use him, instead of doing this on your own – on your own terms.”

 

“When have you ever listened to critics? He’s an idiot and those `friends` need to go back to school. They obviously don’t know you. And when have you ever needed a man for anything anyway?”

And so I move forward, safe in the knowledge that I am not alone. I have an entire section cheering me on, ready to help. They have my back. And the biggest one cheering me on? My sister.

Life is short. And as my uncle once told me: Blood is thicker than water. Water may be clearer, but blood is truer.

So you think I can’t do it? Watch me. You think I have issues? Thanks, I needed the laugh. And if you don’t have time to be kind and supportive, then I don’t have the time for you. You decide that you want to work things out? Great. Be kind and supportive. Be the example of loving. In the meantime, I’ve got things to do and mountains to move, and and miracles to pray into existence. Because I have those who love me in my corner. And there is always room for more. So if you stick around, pull up a chair and we can support each other and cheer each other on from here on out. And that is a promise.

My Favorite Aunt

Aunts are special people in our lives.  Not our parents or grandparents, they are usually the cool people with whom we can talk and and they tell us all kinds of great stories.  And that was my Aunt Mae, my favorite aunt.  She was funny, and generous, and kind and bossy and wonderful. And even though we did not see each together that often, mostly at family reunions, I always loved talking with her every chance I could.  And she gave the best hugs. And if she gave you a compliment, you better believe it was sincere.

She lived a long life, in her 90’s, and had many adventures.  And I will miss her dearly. I imagine her embracing her beloved husband, my Uncle Doyle, and them laughing, having a great time catching her up with my parents and other family members. Soon, they will welcome another one of my aunts, not far behind.

Life is short, even when you live in your 90s. Don’t take of if for granted. Appreciate every minute. And always, ALWAYS say I love you to those you care about, because you never know when it might be the last time you see them.

And no matter what, Aunt Mae taught me to always, always have adventures.

 

 

Taking Charge

We all have those defining moments in our lives where it feels like God and the universe and everyone else is trying to tell us something. This seems to have been a long process trying to figure it out. What do I do now, that I do not have anyone for which to care? What is it that I want? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? Where do i want to go?

Recently a good friend asked me where I would be if I was’t afraid. And his question stuck me down to my bones. We had been talking about why I chose Charleston over Texas 18-24 months ago. I chose Charleston because it was an easier move to make by myself – a five hour relocation drive rather than a `14+ plus one.

And he just laughed and asked what was I afraid of? “I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I can’t do it alone,” I replied, choking back the tears of raw emotion. I had never said that fear out loud. “But you have faced the worst of the worst, alone, and have come out just fine. Remember who you are. You are fierce. You can do anything. Where would you be if you were not afraid?”I told him that I would be where I originally wanted – if I thought I could do it alone. He smiled and chastised me for letting a little obstacle like a difficult move get it the way of what i wanted. “So what if it means an uncomfortable drive for a day? DO IT, if that is what you want. And I will help you.”

And all this time, I have planned to move away at the end of the lease, before he came in and made it about him and his family. Before that it was about me and what I wanted. And so it shall be again.

And so I take a trip to sign the lease, to finalize my plans, to pray that God points me in the direction that I should. I must have faith in this part, which is so very hard.I love who I love, that cannot be changed. However, I can make this time about me. I can follow where I want to go, instead of putting that aside for others. And maybe that is the lesson – to know that I can do it on my own, even if that is not how it was supposed to be. Because a fresh start is full of everything in the entire world, right there waiting.

The fact is honestly, it’s incredibly rough since July, 2016, and now it’s 2020 and it’s time to make some changes in my life. I cannot complain about being stuck or feeling like I’m in a rut if I’m not willing to do whatever it takes be happy. Life is about taking risks and making changes and praying sincerely t’god. And I pray that God lights my path and makes it so incredibly beautiful and amazing but there is nowhere else I would rather be.

And so I go, a little shaky, but I’ll be alright. I have contacts, and friends, and support, and possibilities. And so what if I fail? At least I am doing it. And that is the biggest decision of all.So this will be my last blog for a while as I pack, and plan and move and start. That is the thing about life – we get as many starts as we want. On my own terms. And to those eyes that read…if you want to know more, you shall just have to pick up the phone and ask.

Walk Away Baby Girl

If a man doesn’t treat you right, walk away.  If a man doesn’t keep his promises to you, or to make the effort to work at the relationship to do whatever it takes to keep you and each other…walk away.

There are for too many men out there in the world than to settle for an arrogant boy who is more interested in playing games than being a real man.

Walk away, baby girl, walk away.

Move to another state, and even if you end up in his neighborhood, walk away.

I want a man who is willing to go the distance, who doesn’t give up, who is kind and gentle and who is in it for the long haul.  A man who is in it to win it, not someone who is going to bail after a few bad days or bad fights.  I want a man who will be there, through thick and thin. Because that is the kind of woman I am, and that is the kind of partner I deserve in return.

The Sub and the Dom and the Alpha

It became popular and mainstream with the 50 Shades of Grey series.  The Dominant  who abused the subordinate.  The “alpha”male who had to control and dominated his woman.  Who had to make more money than she and make sure he beat his chest and that everyone knew his power – especially her.

But in real life that is not how it works.  That is the thing about fantasy versus reality.  The REAL Dom, the true Alpha Male, never has to beat his chest. Because  True Alpha male, knows that it is the Sub (woman) who is in control and sets the boundaries.  It is the Dom’s responsibility to make sure that the Sub feels safe, and secure and protected at all times.  And only then, will the Dom Play within the boundaries that the Sub has set.

Most people think it is the Christian Grey,  the man who has to control and beats and tears down the woman who is the alpha male.  No, that is what the movies tell us. In real life, it is the man who speaks softly, the man who is kind and gentle and tender.  Exactly the opposite of what you would think, right? And there enlies the secret.

Confused?  Then you have no idea what it means to be a strong man.  A true man – a true gentleman, knows the secret – you let the woman set the pace, the woman set the boundaries and you let the woman go free. Because only when a woman is secure and loved and protected will she return of her own free will.

So all those men who think that because they make a lot of money, or have high ranking jobs that they are the kings or the alphas No, you are just assholes.  And assholes are a dime a dozen, nothing special at all. It’s how you make your partner feel that is important.

And that is the kind of man that I want – kind and gentle. A man who knows that the first rule is the relationship, is to make sure that the woman is happy.  Then the woman will take care of him.  It is not a contest of who get what the most, or who wins the most arguments or gets to say they are right moist of the time.  It is how honest you are, how much integrity you have, and if you keep your promises.

My father was a true Alpha male.  He never raised his voice to my mother,  He never mistreated, her, he never yelled at her or cussed at her.  He treated her with nothing but respect, and he made sure to played within her boundaries. And because of this, she was dedicated to him only. She, the alpha female, acquiesced because she knew, finally that she was safe.

And so I was reminded of this fact tonight. Only a true Dom knows how to make his Sub dedicated. Just like only a true Alpha Male knows how to make a woman truly smile. And that has nothing to do with money, or power or control. It is exactly the opposite.  So take note.

Life is short.  Spend it with a man who knows.

A Truth

The Birthday Girl

It is January, the start of the new year, but more importantly, it is the month of my birthday.  Growing up Mom would take us shopping very year for our birthday. And we would celebrate all month, because she said we should always celebrate our lives.

And so I carry that lesson with me, not only the day, but the entire month. Whatever it is that I want, it will be because it is my birthday month.  And honestly, I need some celebration right now.  Coming off the dismal holidays, cheer is needed.

And sometime that is what you have to do in life – manufacture reasons to celebrate. Find an excuse to smile and be happy.  Fake it till you make it, per se.  Because things will be better eventually And why shouldn’t we celebrate our lives?  Why shouldn’t we celebrate our choices and where we are now, and where we are going.

Life is short.  Celebrate it, love it, even the hard parts.  Because it won’t always be hard. And life is too short to mope around or throw a pity party. So get up, put on some lipstick and a pair of amazing heels, and celebrate.