A Prayer at Communion

Church is where I go when I need love, devine, unconditional love that only God can give. And I needed that today. Church also feeds my soul, gives me Peace and reminds me that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand the reason at the time. And now, especially now, I need the prayers and comfort.

And after Communion, after that most Holy of things, I found myself desperately praying a prayer that surprised even me. I found myself practically sobbing:

“God, please, please take away my love for him.  I can’t stop that kind of love, but you can.”

Love shouldn’t hurt so much. It should be a joyful thing.  And I gave it willingly, joyfully and generously. But it must be received and reciprocated. And when it is not, then the love must stop.  And so I pray.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

No matter who we are, how old we are, how much money we make, what our job is, where we live, at some point we are going to have a broken heart. there is simply no way to avoid this unless we lock ourselves up and become a hermit.  Which for me, is not an option.

Since there is no way to avoid it, how do you at least get through it and over it?  Well, isn’t that a question for the ages? I don’t know exactly, and if I did I would definitely be a millionaire.  There are books written about the topic, movies made, people giving talks and speeches.  And maybe this is because a broken heart is a universal thing, it is the cost of the human condition. And no one is immune from it.  So we just have to do the best we can.

It is a heart breaking moment when you look at your partner and you don’t recognize them. His values and reasons were so completely foreign to me, as he defended is addiction. One thing was clear: this was not the man I had fallen in love with. He was instantly a stranger to me, and that broke my heart.

And so now it is time to gather my things and leave, and build a life else where, with others. And that is the thing about this world – the vastness of where our souls and hearts live deep within us is truly amazing. We are complex creatures with unmatched potential for healing, and conversely, destruction. And when someone acts in a destructive manner, to the point where you no longer know who they are as a person, you must leave the table. When love is no longer being served, you must leave the table as well.

How to get over that?  There is nothing I know if but time.  And in the mean time, it is going to be hard, so very hard. So you must tap into that steel frame inside of you and reach deep down, and pull yourself up. And you yell, and scream, and cry and talk and do it all some more to get it out of your system.. You pray, and you believe, and you pray some more. You stay busy and refuse to think about him, and push those thoughts out of your mind when you do. Erase the imprint he made upon your heart, and every heartbeat afterward is one closer to freedom.

Life is short. And we will endure a heartbreak or tow, or maybe even three.  There are no shortcuts in healing, it is only done when it is done. So pull up a chair and get familiar with your heartache, that way when he leaves, you have learned more about yourself.

A New Lease on Life

Soon it will be a new year.  Soon there will be a new lease and a new house in which to move. It is a fascinating looking at houses, imaging where my furniture will go, getting the feel of the flow of the house and looking at the rooms and stylings of design. And I look and wonder what amazing memories will be made in this new place. What will the neighbors be like? And new adventures will be had?

While moving is always a pain that I never enjoy, finding a new place is always exciting. It is not my choice to move, the landlord is selling, and it is not the area or even state I thought I would be moving to, but changes happen in life and you have to adjust.  And there is no sense in throwing a pity party when you can throw a house warming party.

And that is the thing about life, we may have to adjust and replan, but that just means we can make it whatever we want. And what I want is a house full of love. I want great friends and wonderful memories.  I want quiet nights and long conversations. I want everything that is good and real and wonderful in this new house.

Life is short.  Make the best of what you have and always be willing to make new memories in new places.And so I move, with a new lease on life.