Fall Like Rain

“Succeed brilliantly so dreams fall like rain.” – Ada Burch

This sentence was put together at a good friends house. She had those little magnets on her refrigerator where they give you words and you create sentences. I was in her kitchen looking at the random words that were not in use and somehow that sentence came together. I even took a picture of it.

That was years ago and that little sentence has stuck with me all this time. I felt the vibrations of the meaning of those words resonate deep within me. What it means to me, is that if we work hard, work smart, have Faith and believe, then we can accomplish not only our goals, but our dreams as well. And our dreams will fall like rain. They will fall on us in such amounts that our lives will be drenched with them. We have the power to make our dreams reality, but first we must believe in ourselves and the world enough to believe that we can.

And we must surround ourselves with equally powerful and extraordinary people. I don’t mean only being friends with those who can help you. I mean surrounding yourself with positive people who believe in themselves too. That positive energy is just as contagious as the negative, so if you are going to catch something, make what can help lift you up. And when you surround yourself with those who reflect the beliefs and level of integrity that you have yourself, the magic happens. You inspire each other, you pull each other up, you cheer for each other and celebrate the success with each other.

You also celebrate the failures too. Yes, I said celebrate the failures. That is because sometimes you have to learn what doesn’t work in order to know what will. Sometimes the best lessons are learned by failures. So fail brilliantly and spectacularly if you are going to fail. At least you tried. And when we have people around us who help us see what we learned, and who refuse to let us feel sorry for ourselves (or at least don’t let us throw a pity party for long) then we get up and dust ourselves off a lot faster. Nor do we feel as timid about trying again when we have a cheering section behind us. And the success is that much sweeter when we can share it with those who have traveled with us in our trials. Friendships like that foster an environment of trust and encouragement. We help each other be strong when we are weak and brave when we are scared.

Work hard, have Faith, Pray and believe. No man is an island, so surround yourself with good fertile land of supportive , love friends. And may your dreams fall like rain.

A Year and a Decade

Yes it is time for that ever present review of the year, and in this case, the decade.

This year has been…an experience. It has been a tumultuous year, a year of adventure and a lot of travel. It started out with Belize and the Caymans, DC, Texas, New Jersey, California, Florida, Alabama, and South Carolina. It saw tears, laughter, highs, lows and all the standards…Blah, blah, blah.

But what did this year really see?  It saw me try my hardest. It saw me truly give of myself and fall flat on my face. But it saw me get back up too. It saw me let go of old hurts and heal old wounds that had been so deep I wasn’t sure if they would ever heal. But they did this year. This year saw me help another human that I loved dearly, and have to let go. This year saw me learn more about death, lessons I thought I had already learned.

It saw me put my career on at the forefront and succeed. It saw me stretch my limits and accomplish a what I did not think I could. It saw some bad bosses, and some great mentors.

But most of all this year has seen my heart, splayed open in the most vulnerable way. And in a way, that is something to be proud of, because there was a time that I would rather chop off my own arm rather than be vulnerable. So this year has seen growth.

And the decade? Wow, that is whole other story. It was 10 years ago that I started as a writer, doing contract work. This decade has seen me become, and mature into a true writer, which is an amazing dream come true. It has taken an extreme amount of hard work, but it has also taken people who believed in me and saw the talents and took the chance.

the 20teens have seen the deaths of several of my best friends and my parents.  I have said goodbye to my family, but I have also found myself and strength that I never thought that I had.  Because of this, it has also given me confidence that I never knew until now.  And not the loud confidence that must announce itself when it enters the room, but rather the kind that is silent.

This decade saw me fall in love, and get heartbroken. It has seen such unbelievable heartache that I never thought I would smile or laugh again.  But I did.

And this decade has shown me that you cannot put life in a box, because whatever it is, life is bigger than that. It is bigger than anything that could possibly contain it because it cannot be contained.  The depth and breadth of our love, our hope, our Will, our hopes and dreams, our heartache, our faith, our disappointments, are all that makes up the vastness of the universe and beyond.  So don’t ever limit yourself and place yourself in a box either.

Mostly because, all because, this decade has taught me how short and truly precious life is.

 

A Prayer at Communion

Church is where I go when I need love, devine, unconditional love that only God can give. And I needed that today. Church also feeds my soul, gives me Peace and reminds me that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand the reason at the time. And now, especially now, I need the prayers and comfort.

And after Communion, after that most Holy of things, I found myself desperately praying a prayer that surprised even me. I found myself practically sobbing:

“God, please, please take away my love for him.  I can’t stop that kind of love, but you can.”

Love shouldn’t hurt so much. It should be a joyful thing.  And I gave it willingly, joyfully and generously. But it must be received and reciprocated. And when it is not, then the love must stop.  And so I pray.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

No matter who we are, how old we are, how much money we make, what our job is, where we live, at some point we are going to have a broken heart. there is simply no way to avoid this unless we lock ourselves up and become a hermit.  Which for me, is not an option.

Since there is no way to avoid it, how do you at least get through it and over it?  Well, isn’t that a question for the ages? I don’t know exactly, and if I did I would definitely be a millionaire.  There are books written about the topic, movies made, people giving talks and speeches.  And maybe this is because a broken heart is a universal thing, it is the cost of the human condition. And no one is immune from it.  So we just have to do the best we can.

It is a heart breaking moment when you look at your partner and you don’t recognize them. His values and reasons were so completely foreign to me, as he defended is addiction. One thing was clear: this was not the man I had fallen in love with. He was instantly a stranger to me, and that broke my heart.

And so now it is time to gather my things and leave, and build a life else where, with others. And that is the thing about this world – the vastness of where our souls and hearts live deep within us is truly amazing. We are complex creatures with unmatched potential for healing, and conversely, destruction. And when someone acts in a destructive manner, to the point where you no longer know who they are as a person, you must leave the table. When love is no longer being served, you must leave the table as well.

How to get over that?  There is nothing I know if but time.  And in the mean time, it is going to be hard, so very hard. So you must tap into that steel frame inside of you and reach deep down, and pull yourself up. And you yell, and scream, and cry and talk and do it all some more to get it out of your system.. You pray, and you believe, and you pray some more. You stay busy and refuse to think about him, and push those thoughts out of your mind when you do. Erase the imprint he made upon your heart, and every heartbeat afterward is one closer to freedom.

Life is short. And we will endure a heartbreak or tow, or maybe even three.  There are no shortcuts in healing, it is only done when it is done. So pull up a chair and get familiar with your heartache, that way when he leaves, you have learned more about yourself.

A New Lease on Life

Soon it will be a new year.  Soon there will be a new lease and a new house in which to move. It is a fascinating looking at houses, imaging where my furniture will go, getting the feel of the flow of the house and looking at the rooms and stylings of design. And I look and wonder what amazing memories will be made in this new place. What will the neighbors be like? And new adventures will be had?

While moving is always a pain that I never enjoy, finding a new place is always exciting. It is not my choice to move, the landlord is selling, and it is not the area or even state I thought I would be moving to, but changes happen in life and you have to adjust.  And there is no sense in throwing a pity party when you can throw a house warming party.

And that is the thing about life, we may have to adjust and replan, but that just means we can make it whatever we want. And what I want is a house full of love. I want great friends and wonderful memories.  I want quiet nights and long conversations. I want everything that is good and real and wonderful in this new house.

Life is short.  Make the best of what you have and always be willing to make new memories in new places.And so I move, with a new lease on life.

Dark and Sleepy

“This dark and sleepy time perched on the edge of endings and beginnings, I love the deep feel of it. Somewhat sleepy, introspective, books and candles and quiet puttering. Leftover meals and little celebrations.

What will we let go of? What will we welcome? As the past year slips away and the new one unfolds. I am counting my blessings.” – Ada

This is one of my favorite times of year. This week after Christmas and before the new year. It is the dark and sleepy time, it is chilly, every one is getting home and settled in after the holiday, and figuring out what they want for the new year.

For me it is a quiet time, a time where I mentally and emotionally prepare to let go and welcome in. I have written extensively on how difficult the past 18 months have been. There have been many hurdles. But it has all ended up fine. I have ended up just fine.

And now we are at the edge of a new year. This year has been rebuilding myself and my life, getting to a place where I am whole and joyous again. I am ready to let go of all of it, all of everything that has been difficult and ready to grab ahold of everything good. There will still be hard work, but everything is lining up for this next year to be one of the best.

A little while ago I was asked what “code” I live by. That got me thinking, I really don’t think that it falls under a specific title. I live by the code of my conscience. There are basic rules, per say, but to me at least, they are pretty basic. Pray, do the best you can every day, be honest and be kind. Do the right thing even when it isn’t easy, because life isn’t supposed to always be easy.

And that is what you have to do in life, is stick to your guns and know that it will all work out. That may be hard when you are knee deep in it. Many loose hope and faith. That is a dark place to be. You just have to keep believing.

Throughout everything, I have kept to my code of honor, kept true to myself and my beliefs. And that is a very comfortable pillow. No doubt this code, taught to me by my wonderful parents, will continue to serve me well in the future

Every level of your life will demand a very different version of you.

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. While I do not know the reason for all that has transpired, nor do I understand how it will prepare me for the coming years, I do have faith. I have faith that these events have made me stronger, better, finer and more compassionate.

I look forward to seeing how the lessons of the past years will serve me in the years to come. I look forward to building a wonderful life. I look forward to enjoying the rest of this week, the quiet time and the introspection before life opens wide at full speed. I look forward to it all.

Love and Christmas

This definitely wasn’t the holiday that I had planned. And as the saying goes man plans and God laughs. But I thought I would be in a different place, with different people, and different gifts, and a whole different atmosphere. And then I thought one of the worst things that could happen before Christmas did happen. And I found myself alone. Now I’ve spent Christmas alone before, and it was terrible. Was absolutely miserable. And I thought that that’s how this Christmas would be too. But I was completely and utterly wrong.

This Christmas is turned out to be one of the best that I’ve had in about five years. There was delicious food and conversation. about History, religion, politics. From all different views. We talked about King Henry VIII and how he worked with Martin Luther in the 1500s to create the Church of England seperate from the Catholic Church. Talked about History of the Roman Empire, the Civil War, the Lost Scriptures of the Bible.

It was fascinating and wonderful. But more than anything, there was love. There have been gifts this Christmas, but by far the most valuable and most appreciated one has been love. Kindness comes in a close second.

Truly I am blessed to have such wonderful friends and so much love. And for the first time since Sunday, because of kindness, I am not shaking or cold. It costs nothing to be kind and give love, yet kindness and love can heal even the deepest wounds caused by others.

So when others are unkind to you, or even cruel, it says more about them and what’s going on inside them and how they feel about themselves, than it ever will say about you. People who are flourishing and happy are not cruel to others. People who are happy within themselves and people who like themselves, do not lash out at others. The best thing you can do for those people is to love them anyway – from a far distance, because the most challenging are often the ones who need to love the most.

Life is short. Enjoy the holidays with those who treat you kindly and love you the most in the best. I did, and my heart is truly full tonight.

The Best Gift

There are some wonderful joyous at the holidays bring. And for me no joy is better outside of the religious Part, than watching those people I love open gifts I know they’re going to love. I believe in spoiling the people I love rotten. I mean Christmas and birthdays are absolutely ridiculous, and I love it. I love showering those I love with every possible gift imaginable that will make them smile. That’s how I was raised, my parents passed that down to me. No it’s not about money, you spoil as much as you can afford, because there is joy in giving.

There are few times that stand out of my memory that were the absolute most joyous to give. The first one was back in 1995 when I bought some gifts for my sister. I had been working the radio station and met a man who owned a jewelry store and would give me semi-precious stones at wholesale prices. I was making a little bit of money and I couldn’t wait to buy her something I knew she would love. This man indeed had an impressive collection and I got about 20 for my sister because the prices were so good.

I wrapped each of the stones individually in boxes, filled a large Box with packing peanuts and hid the 20 wrapped Stones inside. On Christmas morning my sister opened up the big box to find one box placed on top. She opened it up and squealed with delight and was so happy. Her eyes lit up and her smile was from ear-to-ear. And then I got to tell her to keep looking. And she opened up the next one and the next one and the next one and it was absolutely fantastic. She was crying and shaking she loved the gift so much. And I was crying too. I loved my big and was so happy to be able to give her a gift that she would love so much. I think that’s actually my favorite memory a gift-giving.

For me to highlight of Christmas is giving other people gifts. But there is one gift that I was given many years ago that stands out in my memory and in my heart. As children we were spoiled rotten on Christmas and we loved it. One year leading up to Christmas I noticed that my Barbie dolls kept disappearing and I couldn’t figure out why. And then on Christmas morning it all made sense.

My mother had carefully, painstakingly, lovingly, and beautifully, handmade tiny little Barbie doll clothes, an entire wardrobe of them! She took all the modern patterns that she had, and sized them down to fit a Barbie doll. And then because her sewing machine didn’t make stitches that small, she stitched them by hand.

And to top it off, my father made a case by hand not only for my Barbie dolls, but for the Wardrobe. He actually handmade all the hangers on which to clothes could hang. It was quite amazing and the thought of this gift makes me smile to this day. When I think about all the effort and all the time they put into hand making these things for me, it just warms my heart.

In this day and age of designer everything, showing off, and reality television, is it really possible to appreciate time and effort anymore? Yes I think so. Nothing can replace kindness and love, and nothing can replace time and effort. 

Every Christmas I think of the handmade gifts that my parents made for me. And every year both memories make me smile no matter where I am or who I’m with. And this holiday season those memories are more precious than ever.

Life is short. Maybe the holidays aren’t about the hustle and bustle or what somebody else can do for you. Maybe it’s more about the time and effort it takes the show someone how much they mean to you. Maybe it’s been about the actions of time and effort amd along.

Holidays

Its the holidays, not that you could possibly miss that fact, with Christmas trees being up in stores since before Halloween. People are rushing around, buy this and that’s, going to parties. Making travel plans, going to see friends and family. It is all the hustle and bustle this time of year imvolves.

And indeed I have been bsuy as well. Busy with work and cleaning house. Buying a few things here and there. There are a few plans made, but not many. And it is not for a lack of invites either.

The truth is, I haven’t felt much of anything this holiday season. No joy or sorrow, just kind of…nothing. Which is rather odd for me. But maybe it is the natural progression. The last three holidays have been pretty miserable. Now it has moved to no sadness really, but no excitement either. But I’ll take it.

The holidays are hard when you have lost a loved one, nevermind several. After that the holidays aren’t ever the same. And that is OK. And maybe it will take several years for the holidays to feel not awkward, or burdensome, or unkind. And that is OK too. Because it is all a process.

But life is always a series of decisions. And we can accomplish whatever we set our minds to. Yes, mind over matter. Or on this case, mind over sorrow. And we can decide to be happy, anyway. We can decide to smile, anyway. We can decide to have a fabulous time, anyway. We can decide to laugh, love, live, and grow anyway.

And so I do. And I will have a wonderful time this Christmas, even though…anyway. I will make the wholehearted effort to find the joy in all the situations. I will look for the love, see the good, laugh out loud, and make it fabulous.

You can feel blah, or sad, or depressed, or mad, or whatever. You just can’t live there. You have to pick get yourself up sometimes. But how? How do you get yourself out of the quicksand? I don’t know, but what works for me is simply being too stubborn to stay in the dumps. You pick yourself up, look yourself in the mirror, and reach deep, where the heart meets the soul, and pull yourself up. You must do this because in real life, no kne is there to do it for you. So put on your big girl panties, roll your sleeves up and WILL yourself ok.

Start off small if you have to, but be determined. Be singled minded, be the immovable mountain and do it.

Life is short. And sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. So put on your dancing shoes, a great dress, and some lipstick. It’ll be worth it.

The Brilliance of the Bored Mind

In this day and age of 24 hour news, social media, and instant everything, is it possible to be board? And if so…why would we want to be bored? Having nothing to do is not particularly enjoyable. But what if we actually need to be bored?

Our to do lists are a mile long, with work, friends, family and never ending tasks. Not to mention the things we want to do and never seem to,have the time. Then all the things we waste time doing, like social media. Why choose to be bored? We have to much to do and it’s not constructive. Or is it?

There have been many studies that say that being bored actually stimulates the brain. It is a time when the brain is free to roam, and our thoughts begin to wonder. We are not multitasking or having to focus on any one thing, so our minds are free. When we are contantly stimulated, the stimulation does the thinking for us…we are not actually doing it for ourselves. We are bejng entertained straight into stupidity because we don’t give our minds time just being creative on their own.

Children used to almost be encouraged to be board. We didnt used to provide them with anything. We were told to go outside and play, or build something, or fugure out what to do. My own mother would tell me that boring people are boring…and smart people are never board. And I think she was right. Those kids back then are the ones who came up with Apple, and smart phones, and Uber, and thousands of other medical,and technological advances we enjoy today. Necause they were bored long enough for their minds to wonder “What if?”

They were bored long enough to wonder what happens after what if. And bored long enough to figure out how to make what if a reality.

When was the last time you just sat and let your mind … wonder? Boredom, that one thing we seem to,be willing tondo,anythung to avoid, is where we think of our most creative solutions and ideas. That is why we need to step away from the phone or tablet of computer. We NEED to be board, so our brain can create instead of being artificially stulimulated.

Of course, with boredom and thoughts also comes the risk of having to deal with topics that are unplaeasnt. We may see a few of our demons or issues along the way. And I think that is why some people avoid the peace and practicality of boredom, because they have things with which they would rather not deal. Don’ be like that, because then you rob your mind of it’s creativity. You take away your brian’s two most precious commodities: time and potential. And who knows, you may even come up with the solution to your problems if you just sit still long enough to be bored.

And indeed I have seen this myself. I don’t like to be bored either, but I have made a conscience effort to put the distractions away and sit with my thoughts. I have come up with solutions to several issues, both work and personal. My creativity flows. I am happier and feel less stressed.

I have realized I have no emotional attachment in the outcome of an otherwise emotional situation. Beyond the superficial, I am fine. Whatever outcome has no effect on my state. I have come up with several topics which to write. And even remembered where I put that other shoe (long story).

This all comes from boredom and having nothing to do.

Life is short. And maybe the secret to a life well lived is knowing when to be active, when to slow down, and when to walk away from distractions enough to let your mind truly wander. And that is how we find the brilliance of the bored mind.

Sky Full of Stars

I have been planning for a long time. Because I am a planner, I like to have things in order, line up and figured out. IT gives me comfort in a world of chaos.  If I have a plan, then I am good. I plan goals to work toward throughout the year, both personal and professional. I believe in always trying to do better and be better than you were the day before, And I work hard at those goals. I work hard at making my plans work.

Man plans, God laughs.

We usually think of  out plans not working out as a bad thing, catastrophic even. We plan and plan, and all of the sudden things don’t work out for one reason or another, and then…what? We get confused, we panic, we have no idea what to do. And why do we panic? Maybe because it is human nature and change is hard for us.  We have to replan, rework and rethink it. And that is inconvenient.

And then when the dust settles, we see that maybe those plans not working out was so bad after all. And if we are honest, maybe it is best that those plans fall through.

In this day and age of instant communication, 24/7 news and constant information, is it actually possible to just have faith? I think so, but it may be hard.

I have long said that God has the power to place you where you are supposed to be. And indeed, this Christmas does not look like the one that I originally planned.  But is that such a bad thing? I was stretched too thin working 2 jobs for the love of the work (and exhausted), now I am at one only.  I was traveling a lot, now not so much, which gives me time to get settled again after a big change. There is still a move, but it will be much easier and on solid ground this time.

And as I write, I am reminded that all of my dreams are still there, even if the road to get there is different. I am thankful to be in a better place after these changes have taken place – changes that I did not put into motion, but that have made my life better none the less. Changes that were made for me by others because I was unsure and did not act for myself. Now the current landscape is much more in line with my dreams and goals. Blocks that were in my way have now been removed, clearing my path to exactly what I need and want.

And that is the thing about life – we often get those curveballs. Most people think it’s a bad thing, but what is it’s not?  So when the unexpected happens and changes your plans, take a moment and think of all the ways you can benefit.

Life is too short to panic when changes happen or your plans fall through. So just take a breath and know that it will all work out. It always does. And if you ever feel lost, just look up at the stars. If Columbus, Nostradamus, Galileo and so many others found their way, you can too. Just have faith. and those stars will light the way.

Resting Heart repost

Wrote this a few years ago and came across it again.  Sometime I surprise myself. You can read the original here:

I’ve sung together with angels
Fought bravely with my anger
Climbed over the highest mountains
Spent time hiding in such danger

I have laughed with the devil
Spent many nights in anguish
Flown majestic with the eagles
And been left to languish

Risked falling from top a high wire
Delicate balance at every play
Fooled the wisdom of the wiseman
Walked a thousands miles every day

I have lied a million truths
Cried enough tears to flood the earth
Crawled up from the darkest hole
witnessed the miracle of beauty’s worth

I’ve risen with the moon
Soared miles above the sun
And kept the secrets of the dead
To see if you were the one

I want to kiss those lips of yours
To breathe in what you breath out
for even a second it’s worth it
Just to hear love lived out loud

I’ve been through every jungle
Slept with sheep in the lion’s den
Fought with the souls of angels
Been to the beginning and back again

I’ve carried the weight of heavy burdens
And of too much pain to mention
Shed all my tears and sorrows
stripped down in the mirror of convention

Seen the weakness of the mind
And the strength of faith and love
The torture of the morning light
And the mercy from God above

I have climbed mountains and valleys
Spent many nights talking to strangers
Made mistakes by all judgements
Traveled hidden and cloked in danger

Standing bare and stripped of pride
Being Humbled by life’s very nature
The are no illusions before me now
Just wanderlust for this adventure

To hold your hand and sing
To be lovers breathing out and in
Take a chance on this course my dear
Now set this amazing journey to begin

What if it is right and real then
all the miles I have travelled
Will be worth it and pale in the end
To the story that is unravelled

Oh I have run with the worst
And bluffed cards with the best
Broken my heart too many times
But now in your heart mine can rest

Ada 12/15/2017

Sacred

There are some things in life that are sacred. I believe in the sanctity of a relationship. A man should protect a woman and be her champion. Not because she is too weak to protect herself, but because he values her so much. This is the kind of man that I want. It is the kind of man my father was. He adored my mother, and it was beautiful to see. But this is very hard to find these days. But it is sacred.

So are children. And never criticizing a parent to their child. Regardless of whether you are married, divorced, dating or a step parent. It is not right and harms the child. I have seen this first hand with my half siblings. Their mother was bitter and told lies and untruths about our father. In the process, she destroyed any chance they had of having a relationship with our Dad, with me and with other generations. I will bite on my own tongue rather than say something bad to a child about their parent.

The sanctity of friendship. You have each other’s backs, you don’t dig up old hurts or break old confidences to satisfy an appetite for gossip. You defend in public, criticize in private. Be loyal, be honest, be good to each other. Especially in times of trial or sickness.

The sanctity of life. Life is short. Don’t be an ass. Have compassion and empathy. Treat people with kindness. It costs nothing to be a decent human being, so why be mean?

Stars

“How many times can you start over?

As many times as there are stars in the universe.”

Good Reads

There is a blog I started reading about 6 or so years ago. She is a great writer who lives and loves a spirited life. This one resonated with me.

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