Trusting the Process

We all have heard that we need to trust the process. Take a deep breath and trust, pray, have faith.  But it is so hard to do. Because we get impatient, at least I know I do.  It is also hard to admit that we do not have any control over certain things, no matter how hard we try.  And that is incredibly scary and hard.

Why is it so hard for us to admit that sometimes we have no control?  I think that maybe it is because that also means admitting that we are vulnerable, in our human condition.  That we are dependent on others and on situations. And no matter how much money or freedom we have, this is the truth. We are all dependent on if that person takes a chance and gives us that job, or that opportunity, or that place, or that apartment, or that relationship, or that whatever. We are, to some extent, at the mercy of others for many situations in our lives, even if we are master negotiators, or experts in our field.

And trusting the process makes us keenly aware of this uncomfortable fact. But the truth is that no one ever accomplished anything spectacular without first taking the risk of being uncomfortable. And everything we want is on the other side of fear.

And this is where I am.  I have stepped out of my comfort zone and am trusting the process. Ohm but it is so hard.  I do what I can to make sure that I succeed, but outside of doing the best that I can, it is largely out of my control. Many things have moved over the last few weeks, and God will place you where He wants you to be.  And so I wait, and trust, and pray and have faith.

Life would be much easier if we had a crystal ball that told us that things work out.  But we already know that they will, don’t we?  Even if life doesn’t always end up like we want them, or like we thought they would, it all usually works out.  And things are currently lining up in a more spectacular way than I ever thought possible.  But but is still rather scary and uncomfortable. And who knows how or where it will all line up.

Life is short. And we, in our human condition, have a hard time letting go and having faith. That is the challenge. Because we don’t like being uncomfortable, but it is worth it. Because all that stress and worry only erodes our quality of life. So breath and trust. And let go of control. and know, everything you want is on the other side of comfort and fear. Take the risk for something spectacular.

Did You Know

Mom and Dad did you know the legacy you were leaving behind? Did you know the work and love your poured into your life would spill over into mine?  Did you know that all of the years that you hosted the family reunions, that the love you gave to others would return to me?

Did you guys know that the foundation of love that you created, would support me after you were gone?  Did you know that you were creating a safe place for me, where I would be accepted, where would belong, where I would matter?  Did you know that you were creating a world for me as well?

Did you know, as you were planning the reunions, as you were preparing the food and cleaning the house, that you were making sure I had a place and a family too? Did you know as you were talking on the phone with them, that you were laying the groundwork for me? Or that when you poured them coffee, or wine, or made the beds for them to stay, that you were making sure that I had family after you were gone?

I think somehow you did know, because you always thought about things like that. Because you knew somehow in your wisdom, that I would need them too. I think that somehow you know that they would love me too, just as you loved them. I think you know and understood that circle of life and love would make it’s way around to me.

I think you knew how important it was to leave a legacy of love, after seeing the devastation that hatred and resentment leaves when passed down to he next generation. I think you knew and understood that the legacy left by them would be unkind, so you knew you must create a foundation of love and support.

And I thank you so much for what you knew. I am so thankful for your legacy, that carried me in love now. I am thankful for that circle of love that keeps me now, because it makes all the difference in this life. And I love you all the more for it.

Family Ties

“The memories we make with our family is everything.” -Candice Cameron Bure

Family is so important for many reasons.  They are the people who are connected to us by blood, by heart, by souls. They know our history, our faults, and great qualities and more.  They know who we are, the good bad and the ugly.  They fill the spaces and cracks within us with love and belonging.  Because we all need to feel like we belong, like we matter. Because we do.

And this past weekend I was reminded by just how much love, acceptance, and belonging is out there. I spent the weekend with my cousins, at the beach, just the three of us girls. We grew up together, though they are older than I. I was the flower girl at one of their weddings, and one was there when my beautiful mother passed. They have always been wonderful to me, and my parents.

And to me, it was a reminder of how much love truly surrounds me in this life.  Family can be by blood or friendships, and these ladies are ones I am blessed to have in my life. They are people who I would want to know even if we were not related.

there are people in our lives who reminds us of who we are, who we want to be, of our values and dreams and life. They inspire us deep down in our soul. And their existence in our lives makes all the difference, because it is with them that we matter and belong. They make us laugh and are our tribe.

Life is short. Spend time with those who love you, whether in your life by blood or choice. Because we all need a tribe. We all need that unconditional love of those who know us well. And those are they ties of family.


And God Laughs

Man plans. And God laughs.

There is an old saying that man plans and God laughs. Oh and god is laughing right now. I had the next year or so planned out. Because we are taught that planning is good. That is the best way to make sure that your future is smooth. But I have learned that sometimes the more you plan, the harder God laughs.

And so, in life, you must be adapt. After the initial shock and knee jerk reaction panic, you settle in and adapt.  You take a deep breath, pray and make new plans for the new situation. Because life and plans and situations can change in an instant.

There is also a few other sayings – that God will place you where you need to be, especially if you don’t listen the first few times he whispers it. And that the everything you want is on the other side of fear. And that you must get out of your comfort zone in order to accomplish anything. So…I guess I have been told. Because I did pray for God to show me which direction to go. I prayed that he give me a path to follow. And indeed he has.

And that is the thing about life and faith and prayer.  Whatever you pray for, you should be prepared to accept the answer. And so I do. I just didn’t think that it would be such a sudden surprise.  But God doesn’t play dice and he does have quite a sense of humor.

And so I go, adapting. And you can always find the silver lining and good in a situation, even an unexpected one. And already things are exciting. After all, I prayed for this, right? And so I must trust the process and have faith. I must know that that even if I do not know how it will all turn out or where…that is will be good. That there is life outside of my comfort zone. And my comfort zone is whatever I plan.  And God laughs.

Life is short. So adapt to changes. Accept those challenges and adventures that come along the way.  You never know what or where they may lead. And this life isn’t given to us just so we can pay it safe.


Everyone has those times in life where things are just a blur. Where company comes and adventures are had, chances are taken and company is plentiful. This is where I have been for a little while. And it has been a blast.

I love having friends friends over, cooking dinners and breakfasts, having comfy beds and warm blankets on which they can sleep. And friends have been coming.  I have visited a few and some of come here. There is something very wonderful about sharing conversations, thoughts and life.

I went camping with dear friends, then a slew of friends visiting. And as I look around, at all the drop ins, and stop-overs, and Hey, can I stays…I realize that life is what you make it. And I set out to make my life so full of love that it is tangible. And here it is. I am surrounded by wonderful ladies who are the salt of the earth. They are loyal, honest and amazing humans that I am proud to know.

Not only is life what you make it, but home is what you make it too.  If you want a hoe where people feel welcome and wonderful, then you must make sure that it is a place where they want to be.  Wine, good food, hot coffee, comfy beds, soft pillows, warm blankets and lots of music and conversation is the key. Making sure that my friends feel welcome is the other.

Friends don’t care if your laundry is done, if the kitchen is clean, if the closet is organized or how long the to do list is. They just care about you, about making memories and good conversation. They care about spending time with you.

Never take those friends for granted, never take those who want to spend time with you for granted.  These are the people who make life worth while.

Life is short. Spend it with friends.

Happy Birthday Dad

I know it’s a day early, but I wantrd to go ahead amd say it. I love and miss you so very much every single day. I hope you are doing well, being with Mom and zipping around as wonderful spirits and angels doing God’s work. And watching over me. I know you are the reason I am still here.

Losing you and Mom so fast is not for the faint of heart. The grief…jeeze, the grief isn’t either. I get tired of the grief, bit it never really goes away, does it? That is one of the secrets of life no one tells you – how hard it is to loose your family.

But, I am doing it. And I am killing it (all puns intended, I know you laughed). And I know the only reason why the grief is so heavy is because you guys were such great parents and we loved each other so so much. Only that which brings you not can also bring you pain, it is in direct proportion.

But you are missed and you are so very loved. Mom is too of course, but tomorrow is your birthday. I miss giving you socks everytime. That was so our thing. Loved giving you 70,of them when you turned 70. That was amazing. You would be 83 tomorrow.

I am taking care of myself well, but I miss having someone care about me the way you and Mom did. I miss having you guys have my back, no matter what. I miss being able to come home, having that kind of home to come home too. Because there is nothing like walking through the door of your parents house.

And I miss your voice. My Dad’s voice. But I still have your voicemails, amd Mom’s too. So that helps.

Another big hurricane is coming through, though a different path than the one that pummelled your compound. I wonder if I have PTSD from all of that stuff? Wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Life for me is good. Every day I am better and making my dreams come true. They are so close, I can taste them. Should find out Tuesday if a big puzzle piece is in place. Please put in a good word for me, because it would answer many prayers.

I love you Daddy. Always. Please keep looking over me. Please tell Mom I love her always too. And please both of you visit me in my dreams. And have a wonderful birthday!!! I can only imagine what you are able to see and do. Love you forever.