No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (Don’t F with a Writer)

(PS – Don’t fuck with a writer. We tell the truth. So if you wanted me to write warmly about you, you should have treated me better.)

This is a story about Bill. Poor Bill has two children he can’t take care of himself, a nanny with a wonderful heart, but who doesn’t have the physical ability to take care of the children, an ex-wife that’s too far away and too poor to do anything to help – and he just alienated the only other woman who would help him without getting paid…unless he goes online to find a replacement baby momma asap.

When we last left the Saga and soap opera of the VP of Finance, otherwise known as Bill Little’s life, he had admitted that he was drinking three-quarters of a bottle of bourbon a night. He had gotten a therapist, cardiologist, a primary care physician, and was taking his blood pressure medicine and antidepressants just as the doctor ordered. It seemed his life was taking a turn for the better, and stability was actually setting in. And considering his two young boys had come to live with him, the stability was a very good thing.

But instability was just waiting around the corner.

Bill promised his ex girlfriend that he was going to prove to her that they could “be together”, as she was still the love of his life and he wanted very much still to marry her and build a life with her. She agreed to “wait and see” to make sure that he was stable before agreeing to anything. She promised him that he she would be as supportive as possible with his new sobriety and him trying to get back on his feet.

After a few weeks of seeing that he was indeed trying to do the best he could, Bill asked, and the ex girlfriend agreed to come up and help him find a bigger house since he had a hired a nanny to help care for his two young children.

She also listened to him has he vented about his anger with the new nanny. She was an old friend from grade school who had agreed to the position…But she did migraines that kept her from being able to take care of his children. He was truly concerned. (Cue dramatic music.)

She was truly wondering what she had just walked into. Bill and the nanny fighting, constant migraines, Bill not taking his medication, and her having to stay extra days to take care of all of them. She was just there to help out with finding a house….what she found instead was a situation that was an absolute mess. And what was meant to be a quick fun trip, was quickly turning into the trip from hell.

Both Bill and the nanny asked her to stay an extra day to help out the nanny get her car fixed. The ex-girlfriend did.. At one point that Monday, the Nanny was lying down because she had a migraine, Bill was laying down because he forgot to take his blood pressure medicine, and the ex girlfriend was the only adult well enough to fix dinner for the boys. She realized that this was not a good situation.

Bill continued to be anxious and extremely worried, even crying that he might have to send his children back to Texas if he couldn’t figure the situation out. He had an upcoming car trip, and was extremely anxious since he had never taken a road trip with children before.

The ex girlfriend offered to help with the road trip with his boys since he was having such significant anxiety. And at first this pleased Bill very much. But then…

{Enter instability and mood swings.}

Bill started sending cryptic messages to the ex girlfriend in Latin. This escalated to him saying he was very upset and couldn’t talk, saying things that were not applicable as the reason why. Then he escalated it to completely breaking it off with her, with no reason. Then 20 minutes later he sent her a text saying he loved her.

Confused, the ex-girlfriend was very concerned that Bill has started drinking again since this is exactly how he acted when he was drunk. Concerned about the mood swings and the children, she did as his therapist at ask her to do, and contacted not only the therapist, but the ex-wife to let them know that something was going on. He had the kids now, he simply couldn’t be drinking or be emotionally unstable with his two young Sons there. Bill had had issues with this in the past.
The ex girlfriend was also true a redhead to her core, and after he was an ass…she made good on her promise she made the last time he “broke up” – to write something for him to put on a dating site profile…all he had to do was cut and paste and he would be all set.

Bill being unstable decided to create a group text with the ex girlfriend, the nanny, and his ex-wife… 20 minutes after telling the ex girlfriend he loves her, he sends the three women a group text that the ex girlfriend was impersonating him on a dating site and that he needed this text as legal proof. Except, he couldn’t actually prove that there was a fake profile for him on a dating site, because there wasn’t one. (Instability, paranoia, and immaturity, your table is now ready…)

These three women did not appreciate the drama and had no interest in being part of any email thread at all. But how Bill did enjoy pitting his ex-wife against his ex-girlfriend, and all the drama that could create.

Imagine two of his exes fighting over him…except the ex girlfriend wasn’t. Still confused as to how Bill had escalated whatever was going on into a text thread with strange accusations, she had no desire to fight for or with anyone, but she wasn’t going to be attacked either. She simply wanted out. So as Bill and the ex-wife made snide comments about “handing her ass to her on a platter,” the ex girlfriend simply laughed and rolled her eyes. Who were these people??

How in the world did she get sucked in to such a ridiculous situation by simply offering to help someone who she thought was trying to get their life together? Definitely not a mistake to make again.

And so she rolled over in her big comfortable, warm, soft bed and smiled as she went to sleep, planning wonderful things to do with her friends. And what a story she would have to share over wine! No doubt much laughter would be had.

And as for Bill? Who knows…maybe our least favorite financial executive can start online dating since he cannot keep a woman (2 ex -wives, four children, and many ex girlfriends – dude is a BALD, overweight, middle aged accountant. The fact that he makes $480,000 is all he has going for him…And he still owes the ex girlfriend $530 for the flight she paid for to help him and his nanny)

Life is short. Spend it with those who appreciate when you give them the gift of you. Have people in your life who appreciate your help, especially when they have asked for it. Spend life with those who appreciate you being generous with your time. And most of all spend time with people who do not involve you in their ridiculous drama that they have created in their own ridiculous lives.

Otherwise, you may just end up like Bill… (PS – Don’t fuck with a writer. We tend to tell the truth. So if you wanted me to write warmly about you, you should have treated me better)


And how Bill was saying “I love you” all through the night before…