Toxic Shock

There are some people thatvare simply so toxic that you cannot have them in your life. No communication what so ever, because even the most innocent of communication will be manipulated. These are people who ate so miserable within themselves, that they must hurt others to make themselves feel better. And these people are dangerous. They cannot be trusted, even if they come in kindness or as doing you a favor. A snake is still a snake no matter how you dress it up.

The best thing to be done is to simply walk away. Because they will never change, they will,never admit wrong doing – the will even play the victim. Don’t believe it and don’t get sucked in. Because Karma will catch up to them.

I have witness this in full this week. And I was able to drive the Karma bus right to their driveway and hand them the full plate…of their own medicine. Except I just told the truth. And now I walk away, clear conscience, after throwing the match to burn,the bridge to the ground.

Because I got tired of bending over backwards for these people, making exceptions and tolerating more than I should, because they had a bad childhood or a horrible mother. We all have our crosses in life, and that is no excuse to be a horrible human being.

And that was it. I owe them nothing more than the truth and they got it in spades. I am done being nice to bad people. Done making excuses because they did not have what I was given. I am done being nice out of obligation or duty to those who have no place at the family table.

And I am done with them period. There is no anger or bitterness, only relief that their existance will no longer even be acknowledged. There is relief now that all of it has been released.

And in life that is what must be done sometimes. You must get rid of the possibility of toxic shock sundrome in your life, which means walking away from all toxic people. And trust me, the best revenge truly is being happy and living your best life. Because that will eat them up alive. But you will be too busy being happy to notice.

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The Sisterhood

When I was younger, in high school, college and beyond, I always had more male friends than female.  But somewhere along the way, not sure where, that changed. Maybe it is part of growing up, that as we grow up and pair off, we align more with our own. One thing that I know for sure, is that your girlfriends are the ones who will always have your back. I have been very blessed, and have some of the best guy friends around, but my girls are my heart.

Throwing dinner parties is a way to get friends together over good food, good conversation and good wine. And I have always loved having friends over. But lately the dinner party has evolved into a celebration of not only friendship, but of women too. These are the women who are strong and have loyalty, character, strength and are my tribe. They are the best of the best, and I am proud to have them as my friends.

I have written extensively on the importance of making sure that you have those of your cloth around you.  Those who hold the same values as you will not disappoint. It is when we choose those who do not that we get hurt. Think about it, when someone you love betrays you, it is ultimately because your values and theirs did not line up. So it is crucial to be discerning when choosing friends or lovers. Your inner circle should be of the utmost quality. And these ladies are.

So I cooked a wonderful meal for a small group of women who came. And it truly was a celebration. They each have their own story, their own paths, and I am blessed that their paths have crossed with mine.

And that is one of the things about life, that no matter where we are, we can always identify and find our tribe. Those who hold the same values, the same loyalty, the same love of wine and sarcastic sense of humor.

I am finally hitting my stride in this new normal. I am finally happy and functioning at full capacity. And these ladies are too. I will have my tribe. And we will lift each other up.

Life is short. Find your friends. lean on them. Love them. Celebrate them.

Patron Saint of Ada

Happy birthday Mom! You wpuld have been 78 today. I think aboit what I would have bought you. You banned me from buying any more nik-naks…so probably some of your favorite shoes, or some books you wanted, some garden tools and flowers. Maybe even help you in the garden.

I have taken care of your plants, your house, your cats, your clothes, your belongings, dad….you. And I did it with complete honor and dedication. And I know even though you are not here, you are watching over me as my guardian angel. It has never been more evident than in the past few weeks. I have no doubt you kept many calamities from happening.

And now it is your birthday and I was trying to figure out how to celebrate it. I thought about going to a big dinner, and enjoying steak and wine. But then I settled in and decided on something different. So I went to the grocery store, got some wine, I got some ice cream. And then I went out on my back deck and I sat in the shade and I drank the wine and I ate the ice cream while watching the birds, and the squirrels, and the Chipmunks. I drank my wine while watching the cats.

Because it ocurred to me that while you did enjoy fine things in life, you are more about the little things in everyday life. You enjoyed the simple moments, the beautiful little perfect moments that would never make a history book, but that would always make you smile.

So that is how I celebrate your birthday with you today – By simply relaxing on the back deck noticing all the little beautiful things around me and being so thankful that I had you as a mother. I miss you more than you know and I will love you always. Happy birthday

Reevaluating the Revamp

There comes a time on life when you must get very quiet an small to become centered. I have written about this many times. When life gets too crazy, too much, too whatever, that is when you return to the basics. Shed all the things that are irrelevant, and make your world small to rediscover your purpose, reevaluate and revamp what needs to change.

I took my blog down for a bit in an effort to do just that. I have felt off center for quite a while not, so I took all that could be evaluated down, in order to do an internal audit of myself.

The truth of the matter is that life is going extremely well, but even with all of that, there is something out of place. I am feeling disconnected from my faith, which is highly unusual. And so, true to my writing, I am getting quiet and small, so that I can hear God’s voice whisper in my ear as major decisions are coming.

I will be praying, contemplating and doing what is necessary to be centered in my faith and walking in ways that exemplify my beliefs.

And so in addition to the Great Purge of 2019, the is also the Great Reevaluation and Revamping of my life. It is more than being ready for the next, it is a thirst and a hunger for a more meaningful purpose moving forward. And there are many ways to attain the dreams, but which path should I take to get there? And why does it matter? Because it’s not only about the dream, but about the journey to get there.

So hold on tight, because just about everything will be changing.

Life is too short. Take chances. make changes.

The Twilight Zone

Let’s say there was a single father who was looking for a CFO job at a children’s hospital. And that single father knew the places he interviewed would never hire him if he was a single father. So begs his ex-girlfriend to fly up with him during the interviews and pretended to be his fiance, and lie to his potential employers about whether or not he will be married and not be a single father soon.

So she, in an effort to help him get closer to his family and two other children, reluctantly agrees to be his “pretend fiance.” She pays for her own airfare, all of her own expenses, as he says the company will cover all of her costs and reimburse her, since she us his “fiance.” Never mind that it is all a lie.

The companies wine and dine him, sending out relocation specialists to drive him and the “fiance” around, show them the area, take them to lunch, and find out “their” preferences.

She goes to both meetings in both cities, performing well. This is to help him get closer to his children, she tells herself when her conscience rumbles. He, being the psychopath, takes full advantage of her, using her. He barely says three sentences to the first relocation Specialists, smugly leaning back in the backseat as he forces her to take the lead on a relocation and lie about the life that isn’t even her own.

The second meeting with the relocation specialists, he refuses to talk to her, or look at her, or show any kind of affection to her…do the two female relocation specialist notice he doesn’t hold her hand or even open the car door for her…when they are supposed to be engaged?

His actions in both meetings and in both cities, with both relocation specialist teams, baffle her. Why did he beg her to help, why did he go through so much trouble to lie, why was she there, why did he insist that she wear engagement ring, (which sees supplied herself), if he wasn’t going to act like they were engaged? What was the purpose of him begging her to be there, pretending to be engaged, if he was going to behave this way?

She shrugged her shoulders and determined that the jobs must not have been important to him at all, since he was trying to lie to get them in the first place. And so she Shrugged her shoulders again, ended the lie he begged her to perform in, returned to being his ex-girlfriend, and she lived happily ever after.

As for him…? Who cares. He shouldn’t have tried to lie to get the jobs in the first place.