It is that time of year when we tend to look back and reflect. We think about how far we have come in 12 months, what we have done, what we have left undone, who we have lost and what we have accomplished. And 2018 has been quite a year. It was very different than what I expected. Indeed my life is very different now than what it was at the beginning.
I have changed jobs, changed addresses, changed options, changed sizes, change goal, positions, hopes, dreams, goals, boyfriends, clothes, furniture and attitudes. In the beginning, my middle nephew was living with me while getting his medical and employment issues straight. I made sure he had what he needed. He had new clothes, shoes, doctors, a new haircut and a new address as well. It was not enough though.
At the close of the year, I am once again living alone and enjoying my own space. The closing is soon, and I will me free – unencumbered by taking care of others. My life has been returned to me, and I plan to take full advantage.
This year has also seen me come into my own – as a leader, a matriarch, a business woman, a negotiator, a disciplinarian, a guardian, and a confidant human in this world. I know that of which I am capable, I know my strength and my worth, and never again will I forget it. It has seen me come to peace with making a new life, one that has been built one tear drop, one heartbeat, one prayer at a time. It has seen me wonder down paths of self discovery and avenues of pain, pleasure, love, lust, change, risk, shame, grace, pride and anger. And it has seen me walk the street of forgiveness, both for myself and for others.
One of the great things about the rear view mirror, is that whatever you see is behind you. And this year, I am not sad about saying goodbye to 2018. Because this year has also seen an unmatched amount of strive, and greed, and dishonesty, and accusations, and disrespect, and taking advantage. It has seen those who are too disinterested to care, and those who cared too much to stay. It has seen the death of one of my dearest friends, and has seen others flourish.
But as I look in the rear view mirror, I wave goodbye. To those who tried to hurt me – you only made me stronger and wiser. To those who loved me, thank you, you gave me life and restored my faith. To those whom I loved, you are my heart.
Life is short. Stop looking behind you and go fill speed ahead.
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