We hear it all the time in the dating world: I just want to find a good partner. And I cannot tell you how many times I have heard my male friends lament on how all the good women are taken. Maybe. But dating a good woman is hard. Why? Because a truly good woman is going to demand the best from you. So if you are looking to half-ass it, or wing it, don’t bother. Good women don’t just fall off trees, so you better bring your A-game if you want to get her and keep her. Here is what dating a good woman means:
Priorities: She has her priorities straight and will expect that you will too. She will expect you to make her and your relationship a priority in your life. While she knows that a healthy relationship means that family, or sometimes work has to come first, she will expect to be in the mix somewhere. She is not into competition, and she will not compete or settle for 6th place behind your dog, your diet, your TV schedule, your reading, your…whatever. She will expect you to include her and find a way to incorporate her in your life so that you grow together as a couple. If you are not ready, or cannot figure out how to do that, step aside so that the man behind you can show you how it is done.
Health: If a good woman cares about you, she will keep after you about your health. That means she will expect you keep doctors appointments and follow up if there is a problem. Not because she is superficial, but exactly the opposite. She wants you around for a long time, and she will help you get and stay healthy.
You cannot be lazy in courting her: She knows her worth and will not settle for you half-assing a relationship with her. Canceling out last minute, making excuses, taking her for granted, or being emotionally unavailable will turn her off. Be the best man that you can be, or step aside.
Don’t need this Sh*t: Here’s a newsflash – neither does she. When she challenges you, if you come off with the attitude that as a man, you don’t need this shit…she will walk. She knows she deserves better than having to beg a man to notice her worth and treat her right.
Be a better man: She will expect you to be the best that you can be. She will not accept selfishness or being self absorbed. She does not expect perfection, but she does expect you to be honest and do your best.
Manipulation: She doesn’t have time for it. She won’t do it, nor will she accept it from you.
She will call you out: This is perhaps the hardest thing about dating a good woman – she will call you out on your BS. Excuses are not are welcome.
Actions speak louder than words: She will believe what you do rather than what you say. She knows that people do what they want, so if you wanted to make her part of your life, you would. If you say it, you better have the actions to back it up.
Money: She doesn’t need yours, she has her own. That means a man actually has to show up and be present in a relationship. Unless you have a yacht in your back yard and a private jet in your driveway, there is nothing you can give her that she cannot provide for herself. If you want to impress a good woman, give her what money can’t buy.
She wants your time and your effort: A good woman knows that actions speak louder than words. If you want to impress her, simply give her your time and make an effort. If a man says he cares, but does not give her his time and effort, she will walk. Don’t take her for granted, and don’t half -ass it.
She doesn’t need you, she WANTS you: She was fine before you came into her life and she will be just fine after you leave. That is a hard pill to swallow for most men. If she doesn’t need anything from you, then she cares about you and simply wants you there.
Sex: She expects it. And she expects you to know what you are doing. You don’t have to be Christian Grey, but you do have to know what foreplay is, and how to use it.
Cheating. She won’t cheat on you for two reasons: 1. It will be beneath her standards. and 2. A good woman will not cheat on you because she will never have to. Let that last one sink in.
She wants a real man: She doesn’t have time for little boys who don’t know what to do, or who have too many issues to commit to a healthy relationship. If you think that it is acceptable to keep her at arms distance, you need to go back to school. Call her when you graduate.
She wants to build a life with you: If you are lucky enough for her trust you, then she wants to build a life with you. She is not interested in being your life time girlfriend with completely separate lives. She has no interest in an absentee partner who is never there, or is emotionally unavailable. She wants quality.
Reciprocation: She will expect it. She knows that relationships are not 50/50, sometimes they are 60/40, or even 80/20. Because sometimes a partner goes through a rough time, is sick, or is buried in work. But she will not give and support you endlessly without it being reciprocated at some point. Even a good woman needs support, needs the big, wonderful shoulders of her man. She is tough, but she needs a safe place to land. And she wants that safe place to be you. But if you are too busy and take her for granted, she will pack it up and move it on. For example – if one of her best friends dies, and you never ask her how she is doing, or never stay overnight to hold her while she cries…then you have been a horrible “partner.”
She’s not your mama: While she will help you with your life and goals, she is not your Mama or your Sunday school teacher. She is not here to coddle you or live your life for you. And if you cannot figure out how to right the situation if you have wronged her…ask your mama, your sister, your work wife, your best bud’s wife for help. But do not expect her to tell you how to be a man.
She speaks her mind: She will be straight with you and will tell you how she feels and what she wants. She knows this is the only way to have a healthy relationship. If there is a problem, she will expect you to confront the issue, talk about it and work through it. If you are the type to avoid it, or if you ignore messages when she says there is a problem – she won’t walk out, she will run. She wants a real man, and real men have serious conversations when they are needed.
Most men think that dating a good woman will be easy. But a truly good woman will challenge her partner. Women are a dime a dozen. Finding a woman who is using a man or biding her time until something better comes along is easy. However, finding a good quality woman is hard. So if you have found one – and if you are lucky enough to have her love you – she will expect you to put in the work to build a good life together. Because having a good life with someone takes both partners.
If you are a man and you do not want to put up with the demands of dating a good woman, then go back to dating little girls who don’t care what you do, how you do it or why. Date a simpleton who is fine with only spending a few hours a week at dinner, who is good with having sex once every 4-8 weeks, who makes no demands upon you and who will let you do whatever you want. But that woman doesn’t care about you and is only with you until something better comes along. A real woman will hold you accountable for half of the relationship.
Cherish her, court her, SHOW her you love her, and the return on the investment will be exponential. Take her for granted or half-ass it, and she will walk away before you can get your pretty designer running shoes laced up.