Binding Friendships

We all needs friends, because no man is an island.  And that all important support network is vital in life.  And this weekend was that network in beautiful force. Because you go the extra mile for those you love, for those who mean the most.

There was much driving this weekend, in order be there for those who are loved and love the most.  There was dinner and food, and too much tequila, and laughter and tears, and shoulders and hope and friendships that last and will last.

And as I come out of this weekend, it is clear that now more than ever, is important to appreciate all the little, wonderful, perfect moments that surround us every day. And we must appreciate that love that is all around us.  My friend Melissa taught me that love comes into our lives in many forms, and each one is valuable and will teach us something if we are only willing to learn. friends, family, lovers, of all different levels offer many experiences and lessons in our lives.

And so there will be more celebrations. To be honest I am tired of the doom and gloom and ready for the good stuff. There are trips to be planned.  A trip to NYC during the holidays, a trip to Belize for my birthday and a trip to the beach or Reno to just have fun.

There are many good times to be had in the near future.  Most of the time I try to live in the moment, but I am beyond ready for the cooler night s and days ahead.  It has been hot late into the year, and it was 92 in my hometown this weekend. I am looking forward to Fall more so than the long winter. If it is a short Fall season, that means that more fun must be packed in per square hour to make sure it is worth it.

So I move forward, in the days to come, safe and sound in the binding friendships that line the path of this journey.  Time will be spent with those who love and appreciate my presence in their life. Old and new, young or older, friends are what makes life fabulous.

Life is short. Make it good and share it with friends.

 

The Goodbye

 

Where there’s death there’s hope – Mark 5:21

Saying goodbye can be extremely difficult. And indeed it was today. Saying goodbye to my soul sister Melissa today was harder than expected even.  Because there was no denying that it was real, that it was final and that it really was goodbye.

But it was also the celebration of all whom she touched. all the lives and the stories and the love. And she was love.  She loved to love everyone around her.

It was a drive to Nashville to have dinner and drinks with another dear friend with whom I would attend the service. There was catching up, and filling in. There was advice and stories. There was Hope.

Hope because I am still alive, hope because there is still love all around, hope because of all the lives she touched.

Hope because honestly love takes work. It is not always easy to love others, but the result is more than worth the effort. And her life, her celebration today, was proof.

It was good to see her family, and her friends, and meet new friends that I heard her talk about. It was a difficult day, and I will miss her. But in the end, after goodbye, there is hope.

Life is delicate and short. Love as much as you can, and let hope and faith lead you the rest of the way.

 

Calculated

I wrote this a year ago. And it showed up on my Facebook memories. And as I read it it dawned on me that it is just as applicable today as it was a year ago, because I’m about to go on quite a leap of faith. And 30 days my life will not look or be the same as it is today. All the things that I’ve worked for, prayed for, hoped for, will have come. And then it will be time to put all those dreams into action…

Calculated Risk

There are times in life that you must take chances, risks and take a leap of faith Regardless of what others might think, or if they say/think you are crazy. You have to be willing to follow your gut, and that takes courage. But if you want your life to go the way you want, that is what you have to be willing to do.

This is where I find myself. No mater how many times I do it, there is always a moment where I have to catch my breathe and ask “what am I doing?” And I pray that it all works out. But I know it will. I know I won;t fall when I step off the ledge.

I had a bad feeling about a situation that I originally thought was a great idea. And then, my gut start screaming at me. So I completely changed the direction and intention. This was a shock to those around me, because everything was set. And some were upset. They will get over it and be fine.

I remember way back in 2000 when I knew I had to move up to Atlanta. So I packed up a moving truck and drive up. I had no job and no place to live. But I knew I would find a place that day. And I did. Everyone thought I was crazy…”You drove to Atlanta in a packed moving truck, with no no and no place to live?” Yep. And I found a place to live that day and a job that week. Crazy? Perhaps. But it worked.

I was told I was crazy to quit my cushy job in finance to start my own writing company. I was told it would not work, that I should stay where the money was good and the paycheck was steady. But I didn’t listen. And I have never been happier. You will never happy you will never reach our dreams unless you take some risks. Unless you leave your comfort zone and other people’s comfort zone.

And so I embark on another “crazy” adventure. Some say it cannot be done, but I say that it can. I know it can. It is only crazy when the odds are against you. But the odds are ever in my favor. I know it. I can feel in in my bones.

So hang on, it will be quite a ride. But it always is isn’t it? We have the power to make out life what we want it to be. So join me won;t you? Let’s make it spectacular.

Two Funerals and a Sale

It seems that all that is missing  from this upcoming weekend is a wedding. It will be all about friendships and love as several situations come to their completion.

It starts Thursday night, as I roll in to Nash-vegas to spend time with a friend so we can go to the funeral of another friend. We will have dinner and laughs and good times before the morning service. He was a great friend and was there for me after Dad died, and we will be leaning on each other as we say goodbye to our friend.

After that it is off to the family compound to start another round of pack’em and move’em now that a buyer has been found. It is the closure for which I have been praying. It is emotional but it is freedom.

Then it is off to another service, to hold a friend as she says goodbye to a sibling.

And all this would seem too depressing .  But it is the love and support of friends that makes it not so. It is the love and support of those loved most, it is their closeness and their care, that keeps it in perspective.

The perspective is that I am alive, and here, and healthy. I am surrounded by those who love me, surrounded by support, surrounded by integrity. Life is so short and delicate. Those whom you love and who love you, are the most important thing. And the longer I live, the more I believe that the most important things in life involve loving and being loved.

Life is short. Love it. And show it.

The Joy of Girling

There is a joy in being the girl. There is a joy in being feminine. A joy to curling the eyelashes, applying the lipstick and moving in mysterious ways. There is a joy in being soft and smelling wonderful.

And I am loving all of it.  Fixing my hair again, long baths in wonderful oils, and candles glowing, giving off a warm light.  I feel good, I look good, smell good, and did I mention, feel good?  My nails are polished, both fingers and toes. The hair is fresh. And life is good.

And there is a smile that travels across my face, from the depths of my heart. Someone  this passed weekend, reminded me that “they have been through a lot.” And indeed they have.  Everyone has been through a lot by a certain age. And to declare it and want attention for it, is like saying “I have two feet!” big deal, So does everybody else. The same with all the “a lot” we have all been through.

The trick is how we come out of it, if we do. Some people choose to let it make them fearful.  They shrivel up, keeping others at arms distance, out of fear of being hurt and going through “a lot” again. Some let it make them bitter. Some simply hide it a little hole and bury themselves in work and excuses to stop living and start just existing.

But not me. I will do none of that. The worst that has happened is not where I am going to set the bar. No, I will not have my worst days as the boundaries of my life and my heart. I will not let what has broken my heart, even recently, make me anything but finer. You won’t see me throwing a pity party, or lowering my head.

I will instead stand at the edge of the cliff, arms open wide and shout out to the wind that I am ready. I will face life, and all that is in it, head on. I am not scared or intimidated in any way. Bring. It. On. With a smile on my lips, a mischievous twinkle in my eye, and a spring in my step, I will make this spectacular.

What “a lot” I have been through is no measure of my life. It is however, what has made me brave, and strong, and ready to love with no boundaries. I want to feel life in full force. After all, if my “a lot” hasn’t killed me, then what do I have to fear?

Nothing.

So I want to love fully, with my whole heart, I want to hold hands, and feel kisses, and enjoy this fall weather (if it ever cools down). I want to laugh uncontrollably, have have tears falling down my cheeks from that laughter. I want smiles and late night conversations, and snuggles and closeness. I want LIFE.

The offer has been finalized and the house is selling. Career is wonderful and friends are all around. Only one thing is missing, and I have a sneaky feeling it will be along presently. In the meantime…

I will enjoy being a woman. I will relish doing all things girly. The hair, the nails. the shoes, the everything of being feminine. Because part of life is having fun. Part of living to the fullest is enjoying who you are, where you are, and understanding that where you stand is holy ground.

Life is short. Life is what you make it. So make it full of wonderful.

Playing Dress Up

It was a great night, with wine, friends, lots of love and dresses that I had not tried on in years. A much needed night of fun amd dress up. As girls, we never outgrow fixing our hair and make up, and putting on a pretty dress. As women, we never outgrow feeling pretty.

Always celebrate yourself and what you have to offer the world. Be the best human being you can, work hard, and have fun.

Life is short. Celebrate it.

Hindu Prayers

Hinduism is an Indian religion and dharma, or a way of life. It has been called the oldest religion in the world. I have heard of a Hindu Temple in the Atlanta area for years, and today, after the cancellation of a planned hiking trip, decided to visit this beautiful temple I have heard about.

I wanted to bask in the Peacefulness and mindful that Hinduism teaches. Deep questions on my mind and my heart. So I went in search of. And it did not disappoint. I went here, and the peace that washed over me was almost immediate. I went in mind racing, heart hurting, and as I took my shoes off I let out a deep sigh. “Please God, give me some answers that I seek.”

I wrapped the cloth around me so as to cover my knees, walked onto the prayer area, and sat down on the floor. And prayed. And quietly wept. And observed. And took deep breaths. As I did, the answer came to me. “No response is a response.”

And so I gave thanks for the answer, and said more prayers. I have been granted everything for which I have prayed except for one thing: To have a partner to love and be loved. A man with whom to build a life, who is willing and capable of putting in half of the work it takes for a healthy relationship.

There is a saying: “That which you seek is seeking you.” If this is true then I must have faith that the kind of man that I want, the kind of relationship I need, is out there somewhere.

Home now, I activate the online dating profile once again. I plan a trip for the last weekend of October to celebrate. The static of the situation that troubled my heart – blocked, no longer able to call or text. After all, “technology is intrusive.” Our parents did not have that kind of intrusiveness, and look how long many of them were together? They actually had to resolve issues fact to face. Because there is nothing worse or more hurtful than to be made to feel insignificant. And face to face means acknowledgement.

I will go to the Hindu Temple to pray again. It is peaceful there, and somehow, going someplace where phones are not allowed, where life is protected, it is the perfect place to sit, be centered, be still and quiet enough to hear God’s voice. And I have faith.

What Dating a Good Woman Teaches You

We hear it all the time in the dating world: I just want to find a good partner. And I cannot tell you how many times I have heard my male friends lament on how all the good women are taken. Maybe. But dating a good woman is hard. Why? Because a truly good woman is going to demand the best from you. So if you are looking to half-ass it, or wing it, don’t bother. Good women don’t just fall off trees, so you better bring your A-game if you want to get her and keep her. Here is what dating a good woman means:

Priorities: She has her priorities straight and will expect that you will too. She will expect you to make her and your relationship a priority in your life. While she knows that a healthy relationship means that family, or sometimes work has to come first, she will expect to be in the mix somewhere. She is not into competition, and she will not compete or settle for 6th place behind your dog, your diet, your TV schedule, your reading, your…whatever. She will expect you to include her and find a way to incorporate her in your life so that you grow together as a couple. If you are not ready, or cannot figure out how to do that, step aside so that the man behind you can show you how it is done.

Health: If a good woman cares about you, she will keep after you about your health. That means she will expect you keep doctors appointments and follow up if there is a problem. Not because she is superficial, but exactly the opposite. She wants you around for a long time, and she will help you get and stay healthy.

You cannot be lazy in courting her: She knows her worth and will not settle for you half-assing a relationship with her. Canceling out last minute, making excuses, taking her for granted, or being emotionally unavailable will turn her off. Be the best man that you can be, or step aside.

Don’t need this Sh*t: Here’s a newsflash – neither does she. When she challenges you, if you come off with the attitude that as a man, you don’t need this shit…she will walk. She knows she deserves better than having to beg a man to notice her worth and treat her right.

Be a better man: She will expect you to be the best that you can be. She will not accept selfishness or being self absorbed. She does not expect perfection, but she does expect you to be honest and do your best.

Manipulation: She doesn’t have time for it. She won’t do it, nor will she accept it from you.

She will call you out: This is perhaps the hardest thing about dating a good woman – she will call you out on your BS. Excuses are not are welcome.

Actions speak louder than words: She will believe what you do rather than what you say. She knows that people do what they want, so if you wanted to make her part of your life, you would. If you say it, you better have the actions to back it up.

Money: She doesn’t need yours, she has her own. That means a man actually has to show up and be present in a relationship. Unless you have a yacht in your back yard and a private jet in your driveway, there is nothing you can give her that she cannot provide for herself. If you want to impress a good woman, give her what money can’t buy.

She wants your time and your effort: A good woman knows that actions speak louder than words. If you want to impress her, simply give her your time and make an effort. If a man says he cares, but does not give her his time and effort, she will walk. Don’t take her for granted, and don’t half -ass it.

She doesn’t need you, she WANTS you: She was fine before you came into her life and she will be just fine after you leave. That is a hard pill to swallow for most men. If she doesn’t need anything from you, then she cares about you and simply wants you there.

Sex: She expects it. And she expects you to know what you are doing. You don’t have to be Christian Grey, but you do have to know what foreplay is, and how to use it.

Cheating. She won’t cheat on you for two reasons: 1. It will be beneath her standards. and 2. A good woman will not cheat on you because she will never have to. Let that last one sink in.

She wants a real man: She doesn’t have time for little boys who don’t know what to do, or who have too many issues to commit to a healthy relationship. If you think that it is acceptable to keep her at arms distance, you need to go back to school. Call her when you graduate.

She wants to build a life with you: If you are lucky enough for her trust you, then she wants to build a life with you. She is not interested in being your life time girlfriend with completely separate lives. She has no interest in an absentee partner who is never there, or is emotionally unavailable. She wants quality.

Reciprocation: She will expect it. She knows that relationships are not 50/50, sometimes they are 60/40, or even 80/20. Because sometimes a partner goes through a rough time, is sick, or is buried in work. But she will not give and support you endlessly without it being reciprocated at some point. Even a good woman needs support, needs the big, wonderful shoulders of her man. She is tough, but she needs a safe place to land. And she wants that safe place to be you. But if you are too busy and take her for granted, she will pack it up and move it on. For example – if one of her best friends dies, and you never ask her how she is doing, or never stay overnight to hold her while she cries…then you have been a horrible “partner.”

She’s not your mama: While she will help you with your life and goals, she is not your Mama or your Sunday school teacher. She is not here to coddle you or live your life for you. And if you cannot figure out how to right the situation if you have wronged her…ask your mama, your sister, your work wife, your best bud’s wife for help. But do not expect her to tell you how to be a man.

She speaks her mind: She will be straight with you and will tell you how she feels and what she wants. She knows this is the only way to have a healthy relationship. If there is a problem, she will expect you to confront the issue, talk about it and work through it. If you are the type to avoid it, or if you ignore messages when she says there is a problem – she won’t walk out, she will run. She wants a real man, and real men have serious conversations when they are needed.

Most men think that dating a good woman will be easy. But a truly good woman will challenge her partner. Women are a dime a dozen. Finding a woman who is using a man or biding her time until something better comes along is easy. However, finding a good quality woman is hard. So if you have found one – and if you are lucky enough to have her love you – she will expect you to put in the work to build a good life together. Because having a good life with someone takes both partners.

If you are a man and you do not want to put up with the demands of dating a good woman, then go back to dating little girls who don’t care what you do, how you do it or why. Date a simpleton who is fine with only spending a few hours a week at dinner, who is good with having sex once every 4-8 weeks, who makes no demands upon you and who will let you do whatever you want. But that woman doesn’t care about you and is only with you until something better comes along. A real woman will hold you accountable for half of the relationship.

Cherish her, court her, SHOW her you love her, and the return on the investment will be exponential. Take her for granted or half-ass it, and she will walk away before you can get your pretty designer running shoes laced up.

Purposeful Change

In a way we are all searching for our life’s purpose. Some figure it out early, others search a little longer.  It is human nature, I think, to wonder why we are here, what is our purpose, how can we contribute?  And I don’t mean a career necessarily, but a purpose, though the two sometimes are the same. But often times they are not. Or your career may intersect with your purpose.  But my main question right now is, can your purpose change?

Life is cyclical, and we may change jobs, careers, collage majors, even spouses, in a lifetime.  But what about your purpose? Does that change too, with the natural cycles our lives go through, or is our purpose static?

For a long time, I thought my purpose was to be there for my family.  I did many things to help my nephews, sister and parents. And for almost 10 years I have been helping, but now life has shifted.  That need is no longer there. I have always known that I want to be of service to others, and now I am going through the process to determine how that will take shape.  Will it include writing, or something else?

Can your purpose ever expire?  Is there such thing as an expiration date when it comes to such things? Maybe. If we believe that God puts us where we are needed most, isn’t there a possibility that the need will eventually disappear? And if it does, does that purpose disappear with it?

I think now that there is no family to take care of, it is my time to really think about what I want, what I need and how I want my life to be.  Now i get to build around me, build the life that I want and put my energy to what is important to me. Not that I did not want to take care of others, I did, and loved it. But now, it is time for me.  Is that my purpose for the time being? I don’t know.

Today I was asked what my passion project would be.  And I had to say that I wasn’t sure.  I know that I would want to help others, but I am not sure how just yet. Or if that involves writing.  I wold love to inspire others, to let them know that they can make it through the rough times. because if I can. anyone can. I would love to write my books, or write with intention. to do things that matter to others.

Maybe the key to knowing our purpose is keeping an open mind and heart in order to be receptive to where you are needed most.  I think that if we are open, the opportunities will present themselves. And so I sit still, and I listen, and I pray so that I do my best.

Life is short. Make it matter.

 

Chunks

It seems, and I have read in several places, that one of the keys to knocking things off the To Do list is to divide everything up in chunks.  This makes sense but can be very hard for someone who likes to tackle things all at once, like me.

It has even been suggested that you can divide your day into 30 minute chunks.  That way, even if you only have 30 minutes in between tasks or meetings, you can still chip away at the things you need to do.

Think about how much we could accomplish if we folded clothes for 30 minutes before leaving for dinner, or worked out for 30 minutes , or the thousand things that we need to do, for just 30 minutes each day. Or even if we took care of ourselves and meditated or sat quietly for 30 minutes.

This may also be the key to not getting overwhelmed by that To Do list.  Because, let’s face it, sometimes that list can seem like the Giant in Jack and the Beanstalk.  For instance, I have many articles to write, need to do laundry, and the dust bunnies are waging war with the fur balls under the bed. Dusting needs to be done, mopping, organizing my closet (cleaning it out), and let’s not forget the exercise thing.

It is easy to procrastinate a lot if we don’t have an entire day to work on those major projects, like the closet, or the garage. But if we slowly chip away chunks of those tasks, in baby steps, maybe we can get them done after all.

And is’t it the same with life?  When we are trying to make major changes and shifts in our life, it requires a lot of time and work. And we may get discouraged or may not start, or feel that we are stuck – because we don’t have the large amount of time required to do it all in once, graceful swoop. But when is life ever graceful?

Change is uncomfortable and working to make change is arduous, but worth it. That is why we have to stick with it to be successful, not matter of it is mopping the floor, or changing your life situation. An honestly, what can we not endure for 30 minutes?  No matter how much you dislike something, you can make yourself do 30 minutes of it – exercise, yard work, dealing with a difficult person.  I can even tread water for 30 minutes if I have to.

And maybe if we go in 30 minute baby step chunks, we can get there faster than we think. The great thing about life is that it is never too late to start. So join me won’t you?

Life short. So are 30 minutes intervals. Make them add up to something spectacular.

Ordinary Moments make an Extraordinary Life

It seems that life is full of what would be called ordinary moments. Those moments of living, working, eating, cleaning, and doing stuff. These are the moments that comprise our days and nights, were many of our heartbeats fall. And it seems that life has become a nice run of the every day.

I have been embroiled in working, breathing, resting, writing late into the night, thinking and living.  I am looking forward to fall and the cooler weather, but for the next week at least, it is hot temperatures in the 90s, and not much rain despite the hurricane hitting the east coast.

It seems this year has been in a holding pattern, taking care of the last of the estate, selling the compound, taking care of all of it. Hopefully all of that will be coming to an end soon, and freedom won;t be too far away.

The secret is to enjoy those ordinary moments. And I am doing my best to enjoy everything about life right now.  That delicious cup of coffee, my favorite song on the radio, all the freelance and contract writing I am doing.  Talking and planning with friends. laughing, loving and even sharing in the bad news.

Somehow, I need to find the discipline to get to bed and get up earlier, workout, read more and clean a bit more. But that can start next week, and this one i s almost over. But in between all of that, when it is quiet and low, and I am snuggled in my house, with the warm blanket, cats and TV remote, there must be joy.  We must find joy in the ordinary, that is the only way to become, rebuild, re-establish life and desolation or hardship.

Because if we can find enjoyment in the simple and plain, then life will never cease to amaze us, we will never cease to be entertained and will will not ever be bored.  Because we define the sizer and depth of our lives, so why not find exquisite joy in the every day? Those big moments don’t happen often, but the small ones do. So fill like up, fill up your soul, your smile, your heart, with what is already there in front of us?  Time will pass anyway, weather we are enjoying ourselves or not, so we night as well.

And now, to cozy down, my  freshly showered body and clean sheets. I say my prayers, make my wishes and ask for my hearts desire. All my prayers have been answered, so far. Patience will bring the rest (I hope). And I will make this promise to myself, that each day I will be disciplined in the practice of joy (and exercise, and rest…and food), so that each day may be better than the last.

Life is short. Make it spectacular.

This Day

This day, September 11th, will always be remembered by those who were old enough to experience it. At the risk of sounding old, the younger generation has no idea what it is like to see, either in person or on the news, an area that vast, where rescuers are still looking for remains even a year later. They have no idea what it is like to know people who were or should have been in those buildings, wondering if they are alive, or if they were one of the many who jumped or were buried alive.

They have no idea what it was like to go and see Ground Zero, before it was built back up, before there were monuments and new buildings, when it was just a huge hole, larger than you could ever imagine, and know that so many people were now part of the dust.

To me this day is a somber one, but one we should never forget because there are so many lessons that were learned.  It was the day our innocence was lost as a country, I think.

But for me it is also a day to be thankful.  thankful that I live in this wonderful country. No matter how many problems we seem to have, at least we are free.  And I am thankful for that freedom.  That were are still Americans and not subject to Sharia Law. That as a woman, I am still allowed every right I had before that date so many years ago.

I am thankful for my job and amazing career, for my friends, and that we are all OK. That we work hard and have a roof over our heads, food, running water, electricity, a comfortable bed where we sleep and do not hear the sounds of guns shots and war, as many in other countries do.

For me this is a day to be thankful and realize how lucky I am, how lucky we are, as a nation. And I thank God.

And every day, I should do my bet to be my best, because by miracle and luck, I am in this country, the greatest country in the world.  And I should not take anything for granted. Life is delicate and fragile.  And today is not a dress rehearsal.

Life is short. Make it good. Make it memorable. Make it worth it.

Collateral Faith

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Many times in life we have to take a leap of faith to reach our goals.  We must work hard, take risks, create true priorities and stick with them.  And we must do one more thing…  we must have Collateral faith.  A deep unexplainable belief that it will all work out, some how, some way.   We must believe in every day miracles. We must believe in Grace.

To me the word collateral means the entire field, so to pair it with Faith means that we must have faith on all levels, even when our knees are shaking and our voice is trembling.  It is when we are the most unsure that our faith in the world around us must be the most steadfast.  Because faith will get you through many dark hours.

But that is hard. But the alternative is not acceptable. We have all met the alternative – those people who are forever negative. They expect things to go wrong. Where they place their faith, their thoughts, their hopes, is where their life lands. So if that is the case, which we have seen over and over, then why not put all your faith and belief in the fact that it will all work out?  Why not believe that the odds are ever in our favor? Even if there are bumps and hard times along the way, you will always be safe in the knowledge that eventually, it will be OK.

The alternative is to be so negative and riddled with fear, that we become our own self fulling prophecy. All decisions we make come down to love and faith, or fear.  And fear is no way to live. Fear paralyzes us, steals joy and sucks the life right out of us.

There are several pivotal events in my life right now. I have worked very hard to make these possibilities come to fruition, and much hard work is still ahead. I have calculated the risks, and some are very high.  But I must believe, collaterally, that it will all work out. I pray that the timing, which is so very important, happens smoothly.  Because sometimes there is nothing else you can do, but have that faith.  After all the work, all the sweat, and blood, and tears, and late nights, and negotiations, and thoughts…all that you can control, is your faith.

It is exciting and terrifying at the same time.  But that is just how life is isn’t it? And so it goes, in this crazy, wonderful, amazing, journey. Life is short. Make it spectacular.

Stop Chasing What no Longer Serves You

Stop chasing what no longer serves you. We see this messages in all of it’s various forms all over the place.  Social media, books, billboards, cards, the message is loud and clear if we can truly receive, comprehend and apply it. and it applies to a job, marriage, relationship, family, hobbies, and anything else that may no longer serve us.  But what exactly does it mean and how do we go about doing it?

To me, not chasing after what doesn’t serve us, means that first we have to recognize that what it is, is no longer beneficial to us. Does that sound selfish or superficial?  It shouldn’t. If you no longer enjoy your job, if it causes you more stress that the pay is worth, if it is interfering with your health, then that job is no longer serving you.  If you are in a relationship that no longer makes you happy, that hurts you, that makes you feel bad, then it no longer serves you. The same is true with family even.

And that is not superficial or selfish.  it is part of taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and mentally.  It is also part of growing up and maturing.  recognize when it is time to move on.  It doesn’t mean that the person, situation, job, etc. are bad, they are just no longer good for you., and if you continue to chase them you will only harm yourself.

I recently had to come to that conclusion.  There is something I have always placed on my goal board, something that I used to hold very dear. But I had to realize that chasing it is no longer a good thing, as it is no longer a source of happiness or joy. It no longer serves me, and is actually harmful. It was a hard conclusion to reach, because it means letting go.

But when we let go, there is relief. Because we no longer have to be hurt, or disappointed or damaged. We can leave, wishing the person or situation well, and go about our lives.  We can find other things, people, jobs, relationships, or situations that make our lives fulfilling and good.  Already, even as it is bittersweet to let go, I feel better never having to try to make that situation good for me again.  There is a peace in acceptance.

So stop chasing. Stop trying to force those things that are no longer mutually beneficial. Life is too short.  Make it good.

Live in the Questions

In life, we are driven not only to asks questions, but to find the answers. But what if that is not the best way?  What if we have it wrong, forever searching for the answers to the questions we ask?

In a world of social media, Snapchat filters and who ever is perfect is the best, can we afford to not know? In a world of Google and the fastest with the answer wins, can it be that being patient with ourselves could be the secret? I think so.

Maybe the key to is to be patient with ourselves. Maybe we don’t have to know all the answers all of the time. What if we give ourselves permission to not know what we are doing, where we are going, or with whom?  Because let’s face it. No one knows all of the answers all of time. And even the people who seem to have it the most together, often times do not when the doors are closed and the blinds are drawn.

We have often heard that if we cannot change the circumstance, we can change our attitude about it. So, what if we savor the questions as part of the journey instead of tearing the world upside down looking for the answers?  No doubt, it is uncomfortable to not know the answers, but we were never promised to always be comfortable in life. We are not owed anything, much less always being comfortable. And discomfort, being out of our comfort zone, is often where the most growth happens.

What if we did view the questions as books, a great novel for us to read, that ultimately adds to our own life? It is often said that we find what we want when we stop searching.

My great search as of late, has been how to pick up and rebuild my life after this huge title wave took my family and left me with an unfamiliar landscape.  To say finding the answers has been brutal is an understatement.  And I still do not know exactly what the answers are. But maybe we are not supposed to know.  Maybe it is just in living my life every day, loving as much as I can, having faith and believing with all of my heart.  Maybe it is getting out of bed every day, and no matter how bad or depressed you feel, knowing deep down that you are stronger than all of it, and that you will rise.

Maybe it is simply allowing ourselves the comfort of the discomfort in not knowing. It’s OK, to be confused, or bored, or restless, or whatever. There is nothing so urgent that we have to know right now, or even tomorrow, or even next week or month.

So let’s leave the answers to the experts and just enjoy life.  Let Google sleep. Instead, let’s try to be the best that we can be, and strive to be better every day.  Think of how much energy we will save and laughter we will have when the great search is off of our shoulders.  Let’s always be curious about life, but not forget that what we seek is also seeking us. And let the answers come to us, as we are busy living, loving, being and growing, creating the wonderful, complex, amazing, tragic, spectacular life that we are destined to live.

 

In the Quiet

When someone thinks of a quiet life, they usually think of a life that is small, uneventful, even boring.  But that is not the case.  Many times a quiet life is a full life, full of many wonderful moments, times, friends and accomplishments.

Many of the best moments in life are quiet, and definitely some of the biggest moments as well. Think about it – A marriage proposal use isn’t big and loud, it’s a quiet moment between two people.  A promotion is often quiet notification after a lot of hard work.  Even when someone dies, if they are lucky, that person simply, quietly, slips from tihs life into the Hands of God.

The same thing the next chapter in my life. The chapter is not being closed with the big bang, but by quietly signing papers. There will be a flurry of activity before then, and there will be a wonderful celebration after, to make the quiet start of the next. But in between, life will be made of a thousand small, quiet, wonderful moments.

And all the adventure life holds, can also be traced to the quiet.  Adventure, love, new things, ideas, friendships, and solutions, are all started in quiet times, when our minds have time to wonder and think. Our transformations and challenges. Our answers and prayers are found in the quiet as well.  Where we can hear our heart beating.

And maybe the secret to living out loud, are all the quiet moments that fill us up and make our lives complete.  Indeed, there is a time to be loud, but most of our lives are not lived in the big and loud.  Our lives are built on the silent smiles, the looks, the planning, the writing, the working, the holding of hands, the start gazing, the reading, the researching, the risk taking, the breath before the kiss,, the second before that loud happening.  yes, that is where life is built – solid, fun, true, rich and deep. Life is build in the quiet.

Life is short. Make it good, no, make it spectacular.