Anniversaries often make us contemplate all that has happened in the last year, both the good and bad. You examine both he good and the bad that has happened.
I was a mess last year at this time. I just lost Dad, so the first anniversary of losing Mom was especially hard. But this year, I am doing rather well. I have settled in quite nicely into the new life, though it was not easy at first. And I have changed quite a bit in two years, changed quite a bit in the last 12 months. I am not as tolerant as I used to be, but I am more compassionate. That statement might seem quite contradictory, but it isn’t. I am not tolerant of people or things that disturb my peace of mind. But going through the past two years has taught me much about compassion and empathy. The past two years has also taught me a lot about strength. You are often much stronger than you ever thought, and you can handle more than you ever thought you could.
I know that I am much stronger than I thought be or even wanted to be. I never thought that I could take care of Mom or Dad by myself. never thought that I could make those kinds of decisions myself. But I did. And I honored them. Never thought that could I do what needed to be done. But God gives you the strength you need.
I have learned that my family is not blood family. My blood family is gone. My family now are my friends. And I can count on those friends no matter what. They are better than blood because you cannot help who your family is, but you can choose who you your friends. The people in my life are loyal, honest, smart, have loads of common sense and are very low drama.
I have also to be very careful about where you grow your roots – make sure it is good, fertile, solid ground. And if it’s not, move and replant. You are not a tree, you can move if you don’t like where you are.
I have learned that life is so very fragile and short, and so take advantage of every second.I have also learned the value of being still. I have my roots planted firmly with my friends. And now those roots are growing deep, establishing the foundation of my life. And that takes time. Beautiful, wonderful, amazing time.
And so I know my wonderful mother would be proud of me. She knows how hard I have tried, how hard I have worked. She and God know. And so with her 2nd anniversary approaching, I know that my heart is free as I move forward.
There are still things to handle and accomplishments to make. I need to be better at housekeeping, and those last 20lbs are still lurking on my hips. I need to organize my closet and clear out the junk drawer. But life is good. There are fireflies to watch at night. There are good friends to talk to. There is wine to drink. There are sunsets and sunrises – and coffee to be able to watch those sunrises. There are soft blankets and good movies. The are comfy couches and kitties that needs pets. And there is much to celebrate this anniversary. Because life is what matters. And we are only given this one, tiny life. Make it count. Make it happy.