My Royal Opinion, Because it Matters

In case you live under a rock and did not know, the royal wedding was this weekend. As much as I wanted to get up and see it, my bed is very comfortable.  SO when the alarm went off at 4am, I turned it off, rolled over and went back to sleep.  But one of the great things about living in the digital age, is that you don’t have to watch anything live any more.

I knew the wedding would be all over the internet, and indeed it was.  Along with all the comments and opinions. And the only thing I have to say is – Wow, we have become a truly ugly society.

Internet trolls have been around since the internet, but is it just me or does it seem like they are multiplying in record numbers?  Most comments used to be nice, with a few negatives.  Now, everyone has to say something ugly.

The new royal was criticized for wearing too much make up, for not wearing enough make up, for not looking like a princess, for having a dress that is too plain and not ornate enough for the public, for her hair, her figure, for…everything.  Celebrity after celebrity saying what they thought was wrong. One even saying that she would have gone to one more fitting for the dress…Well, Since Megan was working with the designer, I am sure it fit exactly the way it was supposed to. And her new husband didn’t seem to mind….

Since when did we become so negative?  Since when is it in fashion to trash someone just to get your 5 seconds of internet fame? Since when is it OK to tear others down to make ourselves feel more important? And since when it is wrong just because you would have made a different choice?

What is my opinion on the royal wedding?  I think that if the bride and groom were happy, then it was a success, and what everyone else thinks is irrelevant.

And what’s up with all the mean mimes about the Queen or anyone else involved? Maybe the queen just has RBF?

Why can’t we just be positive?  They are a young couple who are in love…and happen to be royalty.  I can’t help but remember Princess Dianna when I watched that royal wedding as a child. She was beautiful and radiant. And no one said anything bad.  I wonder if that would be the case today, or if our society today would rip her apart too.

If any one us faced the criticisms, judgements and negative comments that young people in the media are subjected to today, none of us would have the courage to leave the house. Why can’t we just wish this young couple a lifetime of happiness?  Why criticize her make up?  If you don’t like how little make up she was wearing, when you get married, you can cake it on.  If you don’t like the dress, wear a different one when you get married.  If you don’t like her hair, wear your different at your wedding.  Otherwise, if you can’t say something nice…just keep quiet.

Dad’s Last Lesson

Out parents teach us many lessons in our lives.  They are our first teachers, our first relationships, our first authority figures, our first home, our first friends.  From learning how to tie our shoes, to learning how to eat a first, how to use the toilette, and how write our names, how to read, how to clean out room…and so many more things that I cannot even begin to list.  And sometimes we do not even realize a lesson they taught us until after they are gone.

Such is the case with my father. Even though he has been gone over a year, and there are things I am just realizing that he taught me.  These moments are wonderful undiscovered gifts, wrapped up in a bow; a package inconspicuously sitting in a corner.  Sometimes it takes some distance to see the picture clearly. I am not only seeing what he taught me, but I am also seeing the situation for what it truly was.

It was hard after Mom died when Dad came to live with me.  It is hard taking care of an elderly terminally ill man who is grieving the loss of his wife, while you are grieving the loss of your mother.  The weight of it is almost unbearable.  But you get through.

And it dawned on that taking care of my father kept me grounded.  I would have been tempted to have compromised and given up too much of myself if he had not been there.  Life has a way of showing you where your priorities should be.

At the time I did not know that I was dating a man who was a narcissist.  Everything had to be centered around him, all of the time.  When my father moved in the ex was no longer the center.  At first the ex was OK with it, but after a few months, he decided he was done. He never said it out loud, but the shift was audible.

This made the load exceptionally heavy to carry, but it also made me focus on what was truly important.  In a relationship, sometimes we can have a tendency to give too much of ourselves.  We acquiesce when we really don’t want to, we make concessions to please our partner, or to avoid a fight. I am a nurturer, and I want to please, so I have to be careful about giving too much and depleting. Myself.

The ex and I began to fight all of the time, because he was not the center. Because I was giving too much to my father. Dad had to remain the focus and that enraged the ex. I was placed in the position where was something so important, that the situation could not be compromised.

 

No matter how much I wanted to please my partner, I knew that my father’s health came first, and I did not, could not, would not give in.  Instead of bargaining to avoid a fight, I fought for the best interest of my father.  Instead of being manipulated into acquiescing to unhealthy demands, I stood strong where my father was concerned. I found something more important that myself, or even that relationship, and I was not going to settle.

And by having something more important than myself, I learned the difference between healthy arrangements and unhealthy covenants.  Because of taking care of Dad, I learned the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy requirements.

These lessons have already helped me in my life moving forward.  Understanding how healthy negotiations work in a functional relationship is an important lesson. If Dad had not been there, I would have given far too much of myself. Instead of ending up in an unhealthy downward spiral, I held onto my beliefs to keep my father and myself in an emotionally safe place during a difficult situation.

That was my Dad’s lesson to me:  I saw and understood how it should and should not happen.  I know how two people who love each other should support and compromise in a way that is beneficial to all parties.

So thank you Daddy.  I will remember what you taught me, and I will always be thankful for my time with you and taking care of you.