“I want love to be so present in my life that it is tangible.”
I said this over a year ago, and set this out as my intention with life. After heartache and loss, I want love, everywhere, in everything that I do. But you have to have a foundation to build upon first. And that foundation is build from the inside out.
Why is that? I think it is because you cannot receive love without giving first. You cannot be a bitter, nasty person and still be surrounded by love and goodness. So, you must work on yourself first, so that you emit love, so that the love and Grace of God flows through you and to others. At least that is how is seems to me.
And maybe that is the way it is after there has been a lot of loss. When you no longer have parents or a family, you must create those safe spaces for yourself. And that takes time. It takes time for those roots to set in, to get used to the fact that the safety you enjoyed as a child must be redefined as an adult. I can no longer go to my childhood home, sit up late at night and talk to my Mom, making plans with her wisdom and love. I must create that space for myself.
And that space is my home. Maybe this is why I have been a bit of a homebody. To establish home as my safe harbor in the world, where I have peace. And don’t we all need that? A place where we know our emotions and bodies are safe, where we are sacred, where we can be sheltered from all the world throws at us. A place to rest, convalesce, dream, build and have those who mean the most to us close to us.
I am making it so I can be at home as much as I want, to be in my little slice of heaven. To cook for friends, have wine out on the back deck (if it ever stops raining), to have coffee in the morning and hear the birds, watch them as they settle on the bird feeders. To have my home filled with great memories and laughter, peace and love.
There will still be travel, as I will always be curious to the about the world and all it contains. When you cease being curious about the world around you, you stop growing. But I am not in a hurry to rush around town, doing this and that. I am not interested in seeing and being seen. My time in limited, so I want to be very purposeful with how I spend it and with whom.
Because that is all I have room for in my life – only love and all the good things it brings. And that is how it should be with all of us. Happiness takes vigilance and regular pruning to make sure that only the love gets in.
That which gives you peace will also bring you happiness.
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