Where Are You Now

When the anniversary of the death of a loved one is approaching, it causes one to look back. At least it does for me. YOU look back and think of the timeframe. It has almost been a year and in addition to looking back on a year ago, I think about all that has happened in 12 months. I think about where I have been.

A year ago today, this weekend, my two half sisters came to visit to see Dad. I had urged them to come down and spend time with Dad before he was too sick and weak. He was going into Hospice so I knew there was not much time left. He was so happy they were there. His face lit up. He was so happy to see them, so happy to spend time with them, so happy that they came down just to see him.. He loved being around those girls and I had only seen him happier once – when all of his children came together for the sibling reunion. It meant so much for him.

There were a lot of changes happening and I wanted them to know that Dad would be well taken care of. He was not only going into Hospice, but moving into a wonderful retirement/assisted living facility. I had looked at about 7 places while Dad was in the hospital the week after my birthday and narrowed it down to three. Dad then chose which one he liked the best. The place was amazing and they truly cared for those who lived there. He also chose which apartment he wanted and it suited him well. I can’t say he was excited, but he was not dreading it. I arranged for the girls to have a tour so that they knew where Dad would be.

It was a year ago tonight that we were all together watching the Grammy’s. Adelle paid tribute to Prince and even started it over. Dad hated modern music, but wrapped up in blanket and watched with all of us just so he could be with the girls. The pervy ex was somewhere, phone in hand, contacting strippers and prostitutes, and making plans to leave just 3 days afterward.

You remember. And then you ask yourself – where have you been? And you think about that. I have been around the world and back a thousand times it seems. And here I am now. I work at a great company, have the best friends in the entire world, have a wonderful relationship, live in a nice house in a nice area, completely different from.where I was before. Very little about my life is the same as it was. And even though this month is a hard one, I am happy. I am still adjusting to the new normal and am not completely convinced that you ever get used to it, but I am good. Life is good and I am working hard every day top make it better.

You have to look up and recognize your path and where you have been. And when someone asks where are you now? You can answer and talk about that which you are thankful and recognize as good. Because that is how you grow. Even on the days when it is hard and you have to make yourself, it is worth it. Because you are stronger than the sadness and grief, because life is stronger than death and love is the strongest of all.

Speak to me

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