The Good Man

In my research today I came across a YouTube profile that was shocking and horrible.  Some pore sap has been watching and favoriting videos about how to possess a woman, and get her to fall in love with you, make her your emotional slave by manipulating her, How to take control of your woman, control her mind  and use your social power to seduce her. And you do this – one video said – by making her feel special then by making her feel sad and rejected. That this will make her love you and you will possess her.

Is this really what we are teaching men boys these days?

Wow.  I think we all can say a collective wtf?  One video said that the only people who reject these ideas are feminist and “pussy whipped” men. I am neither and I was shocked that this is how some are being told to treat  others, anyone, whether man or woman.

To me, these things are scary, shocking and emotionally abusive.  And not just for women either. If done to a man they are just as horrible. Because if you truly love someone, the last thing you want to do it is control them, manipulate them or possess them.  It doesn’t matter if a man does it to a women or a woman does it to a man, it is not only wrong, but abusive and damaging. It further perpetuates the stereotypes that men are assholes and women are bitches.

And honestly, no one has time for that, at least emotionally healthy and mature people don’t.

It is as simple as the law of attraction, if you use these techniques when dating – it doesn’t matter of you are a man or woman – then you will only attract trash.  If you use manipulation to attract someone into staying in your life, then you will in turn be manipulated by whomever you have.  You get what you give in the world, it all comes back, full circle.

It is also men who believe manipulation and control are how you get what you want from a woman…who perpetuate the Harvey Weinstein’s, the Bill Cosby’s, and the Brock Turner’s, of the world and who are the reason why so many women participated the #metoo  and the #timesup movement.

Men need to be taught better than so they can do better and be better.  Only then will it be a better world for our daughters. What is described in the videos is called love bombing and is extremely emotionally abusive – so much so that it is often associated with psychopaths and sociopaths. And for those men who listen to advice like the videos on that profile…times up.

Love is based on trust, values, respect and honesty.  Love is based on being authentic. And falling in love is one of the most amazing, beautiful and wonderful processes in this world.

Love comes from God. It is not manipulative, or hurtful or unkind.  Love feels good, in all of it’s stages.

Seeing that profile made me incredibly thankful for the man I have in my life now.  It made me thankful that my parents taught me what real love looks like, and it made me thankful that I am not as bitter, angry or damaged as the person who owned that profile. It made me thankful that even after all of my struggles, I can still recognize a wonderful, genuine, good man.


EDIT: I don’t put much stock in Hollywood, but this is a great inspiring speech. I really love how the #metoo and #timesup movement are taking boys to task and and demanding better from men.

Speak to me

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